Many sources of dating advice suggest that women are not attracted to, and are not interested in, dating “nice” guys. However, few of those sources bother to explain why – why don’t women find attractive that which they seem to really want and even openly ask from the opposite sex? Why is it that these women ask for a sweet, caring, genuine, generous guy, but once they meet one, they get bored so quickly and they can’t wait to move on because they just feel that “there is no chemistry there.”
In order to understand this fascinating phenomenon, it is crucial that you realize and remember that there is a fundamental difference between being a nice guy and being an attractive guy. Did you ever ask yourself – what does it mean being attractive to a woman? Well, in short it means being an interesting individual who has qualities that make him an interesting and a good company. Look at this concept carefully for a moment – “good” alone and in itself won’t cut it. It must be good and interesting. Being good means all those positive qualities of being honest, caring, genuine, considerate, and all other traits that make a nice guy. But, how does that guy become interesting? Well, to be an interesting company, you must be confident, funny, and different from other guys. All my dating audio programs for guys are dedicated to explaining in great detail what being confident, different, and funny means. For the purposes of this article I want to suggest to you that it means anything but being “nice.” If all you are is nice, this means that you are boring! You are not doing anything to challenge a woman’s mind, to contribute to and openly critique her opinions, to make her laugh, to be sarcastic and tease her, and to make fun of her and yourself in an endearing and charming way that will turn your interaction with her into a fun and memorable banter. If all you do is saying “excuse me, I agree, exactly, I am sorry, are you ok? are you sure about this?” and alike, you are anything but an attractive man. You are considerate, polite, kind, and all those other great things, but you are NOT sexy to her! You don’t turn her on! And without that, you can’t possibly be a romantic/dating candidate.
Think about it – there are certain qualities that you expect to see in a woman! Her body must be of a certain shape. Her behavior must make her come across as gentle, elegant and feminine. Well, a woman is also looking to find certain fundamental qualities in a man that she wants to be romantically involved with. These qualities have nothing to do with being a nice guy, simply because she wants every guy she deals with socially, at work, at school or in any other setting to be nice. There has to be something else in a guy she will be attracted to, beyond being nice – he has to show that masculinity that manifests itself in confidence, sense of humor and standing out from the rest of the guys in simple but obvious ways. We just talked briefly about confidence and humor. What about being different from other guys? Well, there are quite a few ways in which you can stand out form the rest. You might be different because you have a certain rare hobby that captures your soul and consumes a lot of your time. Your hobby or hobbies excite you and reflect on your personality and your passion for doing what you enjoy so much. Seeing a man with a passion is naturally attractive to women. You may come across as a different and a better guy just because you don’t get as drunk when you are out like everyone else, and you don’t allow yourself to degrade to the embarassing levels of stupor like many other guys in bars and clubs. When a woman sees that you give yourself more respect by not lowering yourself to the levels of others around you, she is very likely to be intrigued by you – that guy who doesn’t conform to the behavior of others and who likes to be in control of himself at all times. Perhaps there is a unique style to your appearance or perhaps you worked on your linguistic skills and you are more eloquent than the average guy out there – those are just a few other random, simple ways in which you can stand out and be more attractive to women.
So, what am I trying to say here? The bottoms line is this: being a nice guy is great and you shouldn’t change that about yourself. But, you should be nice and something more than just that – that something that makes you attractive and even sexually desirable to women – you must possess the qualities that distinguish you and set forth your masculinity clearly to the opposite sex. And those qualities are your sense of humor, your confidence, and your being different from most other, average nice guys.
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Ladies.
And I only use that term here in the chromosomal content.
I’m a nice guy. Never got anywhere with women cause I got the nice guy speech so many times.
Here’s the deal.
Nice guys have learned.
We don’t trust women with North American values.
You think we don’t have our wild side?
We just learned early on in life, breaking rules has consequences, so the rewards better better be worth it.
I hid my “other” side for years, seeing what women would do when meeting a “Nice guy” and the best I got was no interest. The worst? I had to be a fag cause I wasn’t a bed hopper.
To those of of the Double X persuasion who want the wild guy, you derserve all the misery you get.
A buddy of mine married an Asian woman and she has his bath ready after work, with a drink and a massage. She treats him so nice he doesn’t want to ruin it, and treats her nice. That doesn’t mean he’s a doormat. It just means he ‘s got it so good he’s not going to ruin it because it’s hard to find a woman who doesn’t blackmail you with sex, after she’s got the diamond.
Nice guys understand we won’t, in this day and age, find some pure sweet Snow White who’s never been through the mill.
But what you can’t seem to get through your dim skulls is we don’t want the bloody factory either.
If you want Mr. Wild Ride’em Cowboy, fine. Just don’t come whining to us when you get bucked off.
We honestly don’t care.
You slept in his bed.
Now lie in it.
And just so’s you know I’m not stuck in Mommy and Daddy’s basement somewhere, I’ve been sailing the world for over ten years on my yacht. I’ve been chased by pirates, gunboats, and have defied death more times than I can count, and haven’t had to work since my mid thirties.
I’d get married, but every one of my buddies has said I’m so lucky I never fell into that trap. They’ve all got this thousand yard stare, like they know the bullets going to come, but they just don’t know where or when.
And far too many have said, “If it weren’t for the kids, the bitch could have it all.”
So take your wild guys. He’s never going to provide security in your old age when gravity starts taking over.
But I promise you, guys in their old age can live anywhere there’s a roof, and a pretty senorita who smiles when she serves us a beer.
Have a nice life you bunch of hypocrites. I hope you meet as many not nice guys as you can handle.
Dan i am 18 years old. And my buddy just had a horrible e run in with some chick,so i started ot look up this subject ( which is very sad yet very entertaining to read how women think, because the real sad part asm uch as they dont wanna admit it is true).ill admit everything you are saying is absolutly true. However I have had my hint of bad luck and I to learned that it is not worth it. I dont take shit period but I am still a polite and honest guy who understands certain values. However women my age wont be interested in me for now and i honestly dont care about them.
I guess at the end someone will have to prove themselves to me , because honestly ive done enough ” proving” to last a 100 years and like i said im only 18 and just finished highschool
Dan – I’m 35 (will be 36 the 20th of July, 2011) and in MY experience, women are heartless, mean and controlling and get pissed when they find out they can’t control YOU, or your not their type and their not attracted to you.
I’m JUST about done with women, and am seriously thinkin of switching teams.
@Frank, You are exactly right! I just meet a woman from Match.com,and she was as sweet as could be, but when I met her,and she was not into me,plus told me that I and other guys did not look like my photos. She was just average looking for 42, but thought she was god`s gift,and got really mad and insulting me when I was not what she expected. 75 percent are controlling whores,10 percent are gold diggers,and 15 percent are good, but will still be talking online with others while dating you… It Sucks, but don`t swap teams…
I am 26 I had a couple of girls, the first one i met saw me as a nice guy, she decided to cheat on me taking her plaesure elsewhere…per say with her formal Boy friend. so, when i found out, i cut the relationship. So the Second thought she was smart taking same step…Well i took the relationship unserious cos after tellin me she got nothing to do with her Formal boy friend, She is topping it up behind my back. Now, i just got a new un comparable figure 8…this time i got to play my game tight….so i tried to Nice neutrally…not too harsh and not too pushy…i tried to be passionate and she loved it…
Dan:
You are SO FREAKIN’ RIGHT!!! Trying to find a good woman is nothing but an exercise in futility. I gave up trying over 25 years ago and haven’t missed anything since. In this day and age, women truly hate men and this is nothing but sleeping with the enemy.
When women start crying about how they can’t find a good man, I tell them immediately to START LOOKING UNDER THEIR SHOES!!! Since women step on guys at every opportunity, that’s the most logical place to look.
It’s far better to just get out of Dodge than to put up with one man hating woman after another. As much as women whine about the lack of romance, they also refuse to admit that it’s their own politically correct male bashing that killed it!!!
Frank:
I agree that 99.9995% of women are heartless, controlling, and stuck-up. However, don’t switch sides; it ain’t worth it, dude. Just find a hooker, pay up, and be done with it.
Although Mickey’s comment is entertaining to read, it is hardly the best solution to anyone’s dating problems or dating “drought.”
There are many heartless and controlling women out there (and men too) but I am sure the number falls far short from 99%. This doesn’t mean that you should give up on looking for the better kind. There are out there, and they are just as eager to meet the right men, which are also far and few in between from their perspective.
Practicalhappiness.com:
I think we’ll have to agree to disagree on this one.
First, you have a zillion different websites, books, blogs, etc. screaming from the rooftops how all men suck, how men are dogs, and the like. If you don’t believe me, go to Google and type “men suck” in the search engine and see how many hits come up. Obviously, this is not an isolated sentiment.
It’s real easy to say “don’t give up”, but those words have a hollow ring when one keeps trying and all one gets is failure, failure, failure, more failure, and absolute failure. If all that’s out there is failure, with no reasonable hope of success, I would think that it is not unreasonable to pull the plug and stop the bleeding.
With the large majority of women wearing their man-hating hostility and unapproachability like badges of honor, I’ve got to believe that the dating game is seriously rigged to hose guys at every turn. Most guys just don’t have a prayer anymore when it comes to approaching and attempting to date.
Having gone through enough failure already to last a lifetime, I’ve long since thrown in the sponge on this farce. Well into middle age, I’m admittedly far too cynical (based on prior experience) to be an idiot who believes in “romance”.
All of this is a myth, a fantasy, a pipe dream, and pie in the sky. It all adds up to UNREALISTIC!!! And if you believe that the percentage of heartless women is less than my 99% figure, I’m willing to split the difference with you: I’ll say only 91% instead.
Ok. And just and FYI – here, in San Francisco, the problem of hostility and snoodiness is as high as anywhere, and I can very well relate to how you feel. I am not sure what is driven by – desperation, fear of coming across as interested, taking the notion of being a challenge way too far, expecting men to do all the work, or being scarred by past disappointment, but I know one thing – when you become a victim of your own past, no one loses except you.
I also know that you can never be a loser if you never lost what you never had.