Why You Should Let Men Take The Lead in Approaching You (Guest Article)

(Last Updated On: 05/02/2015)

flirtatious-interested-girlI have a friend who has tried everything to find love. She attends tons of social events, has lots of friends, and is very active in sport events and activities where she has many opportunities to meet and interact with guys. But she is always the one approaches guys and casually exchanges numbers with them to only find out later that it never leads to a date. Even if she is just asking those guys to hang out hoping it will turn into something more, it never leads to any romantic interactions. She is starting to lose hope and now thinks hat she is not approachable enough, but it’s clear that the opposite might just be true – she is too approachable. 

My friend is an example of someone who is demonstrating too much active interest by approaching that cute guy and initiating a conversation with him to try to get his attention and interest. The problem is that she is going one step too far by also asking for their contact information and even asking them to hang out. This is one of the key reasons why men do not show as much interest in her – because she starts her interactions on the wrong foot by being too forward and contrary to how things should naturally develop between a guy and a girl – a girl is being asked out instead of doing the asking out.

The the major problem with approaching men is that when women take on that much active interest, they will not really know how much that guy they are talking is really interested in them. Many, if not most, available guys will simply go along with the girl who is asking them out, even if they are not that into her, because thy are flattered, and because it doesn’t happened all that often to any guy. These men will have the “why not?” mindset, instead of “hell yeah” mindset that you would want the guy to have. The other problem is that at least some guys will start wondering what’s wrong with that girl and why she is being so eager. What is it about her that makes her so available? Is it something about her that makes her less desirable to other guys?

Simply showing receptive interest (as opposed to active interest) is enough. Approaching a man to talk to him and flirting is already showing plenty of interest in a guy. Most guy, except the ones who are totally clueless, will know that the girl is interested just because she simply came up to them and started talking. Going any further and asking a guy for his phone number or let alone – asking him out – is just going too far. A woman’s job is to make her interest known in a subtle but clear enough way; not to actually do the guy’s job an ask him out. Consider me too old-fashioned or too traditional, but that’s just the way things are, and that’s the dynamic between the sexes that has been in place since the beginning of times, and it’s not going anywhere any time soon, despite the equal rights movement, feminism, etc.

Therefore, I believe that in order to turn her dating life around, my friend should use the same proven weapons of flirting and showing interest that millions of women have used before her for hundreds or thousands of years – making eye contact and send an enthusiastic smile to the guy she would like to meet, indicating that she is interested in being approached.  After that –  she should let him take over and do the rest to break the ice and have a conversation. At the end, if he likes her he will ask for her number. And if she ends up still liking him as that conversation goes on, she will give her number to him. – by Candace W., of Create Happy Love Life – dating and relationship advice site for women.

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About practicalh

Practical, effective dating tips and relationship advice.

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  • Dave Grim

    Woman want equal rights, yet they want special treatment, & never have a problem saying : “that’s a man’s job”…fucking hypocrites !

  • RaceIsOpen

    Lol…the subtle way that women have used for thousands of years…is why there are millions of single women. Why not just instruct the women to be barefoot and pregnant? It is nothing wrong with a woman, stepping up to the plate, it’s would be something that could change to social climate, of the world, besides…it would teach women, that what they have between their legs isn’t a God and would promote her to be giving, instead of lazy in the relationship, putting everything, on the man. And what is wrong with a man having the “why not” mindset…woman do. Woman can’t and never will be able to handle rejection…and must learn to “woman up” and just deal with the “why not”…as everything doesn’t revolve around a woman and approach a man that they are interested in, but don’t be desperate in doing so…the same lesson that men should learn.

  • RaceIsOpen

    Very true

  • AmeRican*51*Luis Arroyo

    This is bull. A girl that gives her number and too approachable?
    An attractive girl that can’t find a date?
    Yeah right,when Cuba becomes the 51st state.

  • Interesting question. I think it’s both – cultural and natural. Natural, because it seems that in the animal kingdom the majority of species have the same dynamic – the male goes after the female, and often quite aggressively and relentlessly. Having said that, I see nothing wrong with a woman making a move. In fact, I believe that life rewards initiative and enthusiasms in just about any aspects including making a move. It’s the fact that somehow some guys perceive that kind of behavior as slutty, inappropriate, desperate, etc… that’s a societal construct. Personally, I think if you are approached by a woman, it should be a huge compliment regardless of who she is, as it just doesn’t happen to any guy all that often, except celebrities, etc.

  • Jeff Kish

    Isnt the idea that the guy should take the lead a cultural construct and not something that happens cause that is the way it should happen naturally
    Is it wrong for the girl to make the first move cause soxaity says its wrong or cause its not natural

  • kathleen smith

    (How i got my husband back with the prayers of Dr Akim )I remember lying in my room when I was in high school and writing in a journal to my future husband. I’d write all sorts of notes and questions and things I’d wonder or ask this man when I eventuaclly met him. I would wonder where he was and what he was doing and if he was thinking about me too. It has always been such a strong desire in my heart to find a wonderful man to marry, someone who would love me and cherish me and appreciate me for the person I am. I always thought I would get married right out of college, just like my parents, so when that plan didn’t work out, I started to get discouraged. A school mate snatched my future husband away from my arms just because she had spiritual powers, all hope was lost to me before i came across the help doctor (prayerstosaverelationship@yahoo.com) who i confided in, i told him my long story and he helped me regain back my lover with his prayers which is now my husband today. if you have any problem email the help doctor (prayerstosaverelationship@yahoo.com).

  • Konnect Life

    This article is bizarre. Without even reading the entire thing, I cannot see how a woman could be doing all this approaching and trying and getting no where when this is PRECISELY what most guys would want.

    Either she is turning down all the good guys or she is just as unattractive to a guy physically as a nice / good guy is to a woman personality-wise. Other than that, I cannot see how she has to do so much work when it’s already a given that guys are expected to do the chasing and do it perfectly right.

  • Mickey

    I couldn’t disagree more. When you bang your head against the wall so many times and get nothing out of it, then it’s just an exercise in futility. Why do you think so many guys have stopped trying? They see the same thing I see. Are they all wrong?