Why You Should Let Men Take The Lead in Approaching You (Guest Article)

I have a friend who has tried everything to find love. She attends tons of social events, has lots of friends, and is very active in sport events and activities where she has many opportunities to meet and interact with guys. But she is always the one approaches guys and casually exchanges numbers with them to only find out later that it never leads to a date. Even if she is just asking those guys to hang out hoping it will turn into something more, it never leads to any romantic interactions. She is starting to lose hope and now thinks hat she is not approachable enough, but it’s clear that the opposite might just be true – she is too approachable. 

My friend is an example of someone who is demonstrating too much active interest by approaching that cute guy and initiating a conversation with him to try to get his attention and interest. The problem is that she is going one step too far by also asking for their contact information and even asking them to hang out. This is one of the key reasons why men do not show as much interest in her – because she starts her interactions on the wrong foot by being too forward and contrary to how things should naturally develop between a guy and a girl – a girl is being asked out instead of doing the asking out.

The the major problem with approaching men is that when women take on that much active interest, they will not really know how much that guy they are talking is really interested in them. Many, if not most, available guys will simply go along with the girl who is asking them out, even if they are not that into her, because thy are flattered, and because it doesn’t happened all that often to any guy. These men will have the “why not?” mindset, instead of “hell yeah” mindset that you would want the guy to have. The other problem is that at least some guys will start wondering what’s wrong with that girl and why she is being so eager. What is it about her that makes her so available? Is it something about her that makes her less desirable to other guys?

Simply showing receptive interest (as opposed to active interest) is enough. Approaching a man to talk to him and flirting is already showing plenty of interest in a guy. Most guy, except the ones who are totally clueless, will know that the girl is interested just because she simply came up to them and started talking. Going any further and asking a guy for his phone number or let alone – asking him out – is just going too far. A woman’s job is to make her interest known in a subtle but clear enough way; not to actually do the guy’s job an ask him out. Consider me too old-fashioned or too traditional, but that’s just the way things are, and that’s the dynamic between the sexes that has been in place since the beginning of times, and it’s not going anywhere any time soon, despite the equal rights movement, feminism, etc.

Therefore, I believe that in order to turn her dating life around, my friend should use the same proven weapons of flirting and showing interest that millions of women have used before her for hundreds or thousands of years – making eye contact and send an enthusiastic smile to the guy she would like to meet, indicating that she is interested in being approached.  After that –  she should let him take over and do the rest to break the ice and have a conversation. At the end, if he likes her he will ask for her number. And if she ends up still liking him as that conversation goes on, she will give her number to him. – by Candace W., of Create Happy Love Life – dating and relationship advice site for women.