“When a strong, independent woman fears letting her feminine side out, she can become overly independent and controlling. She will attempt to manage the people and events in her life so she feel in control. This could look like an attempt to make a love relationship work when it really has no chance…” -these are a few lines from one of the articles by Rachel Groover of “The YIN Project” (www.theYINproject.com) who seems to be on a mission of helping women reclaim their femininity and avoid becoming too independent and too aggressive.
I believe that Mrs. Groover’s work and ideas are revolutionary, and especially considering the fact that she is a female herself. I completely agree with her that a woman who tries to impress the people around her as being too aggressive, too motivated, and too strong has no chance of finding a fulfilling romantic relationship or sustaining an existing one.
Strength, passion for success, motivation, and persistence are great qualities. However, it’s critical for every woman, who wants to have love and passion in her life, to know how to express these qualities in a way that will not sacrifice those parts of her feminine identity that makes her attractive and sexually desirable to men.
Just the other night, I was out with a friend and we started talking to these two women at a bar. They were of a different race from each other but they were equally attractive and very well dressed. It only took us a few minutes to realize how much more feminine and “soft” one of them was than the other, and how much more attractive it made her look and “feel” as compared to her friend. From a more relaxed, graceful and unimposing body language, softer voice and not insisting that she is right every time she says something, to not being focused on her work and accomplishments during our conversation – it seemed that what made her so attractive was what she was not doing or saying. I found it interesting that both I and my friend completely agreed that the aggressive and the dominating posture of the other girl made her less attractive and even annoying.
I would think that if that aggressive behavior we saw in one of the girls was exhibited on purpose by her, it was intended to impress us and attract attention and respect. While these are good goals to have, the execution did not take into account the that that a quieter, more subtle confidence is so much more attractive and effective, than loudly talking about how wonderful you are. The same, of course applies to men, but we are talking about women here now.
I have not yet seen how being pushy helps any woman advance in any aspect of her life, but I have seen many examples of how it hurts their personal and social life, by intimidating and distancing both – the men in her life and her friends.
A famous writer said once: “A woman’s greatest strength is in her weakness.” In times when femininity is sacrificed for the sake of promotions and corner office so often, this statement is more relevant than ever before, and it should be a reminder to women that what makes the attractive to men are the qualities that make the different from men. Wearing a suit and carrying a briefcase to the office deserves a lot of respect, but that’s not what a man wants in a lover; it’s the warmth, elegance, seductive mannerisms, and playfulness that men are after. These qualities can go together with being smart and ambitious but sacrificing the former is too high of a price to pay for career success.