“When a strong, independent woman fears letting her feminine side out, she can become overly independent and controlling. She will attempt to manage the people and events in her life so she feel in control. This could look like an attempt to make a love relationship work when it really has no chance…” -these are a few lines from one of the articles by Rachel Groover of “The YIN Project” (www.theYINproject.com) who seems to be on a mission of helping women reclaim their femininity and avoid becoming too independent and too aggressive.
I believe that Mrs. Groover’s work and ideas are revolutionary, and especially considering the fact that she is a female herself. I completely agree with her that a woman who tries to impress the people around her as being too aggressive, too motivated, and too strong has no chance of finding a fulfilling romantic relationship or sustaining an existing one.
Strength, passion for success, motivation, and persistence are great qualities. However, it’s critical for every woman, who wants to have love and passion in her life, to know how to express these qualities in a way that will not sacrifice those parts of her feminine identity that makes her attractive and sexually desirable to men.
Just the other night, I was out with a friend and we started talking to these two women at a bar. They were of a different race from each other but they were equally attractive and very well dressed. It only took us a few minutes to realize how much more feminine and “soft” one of them was than the other, and how much more attractive it made her look and “feel” as compared to her friend. From a more relaxed, graceful and unimposing body language, softer voice and not insisting that she is right every time she says something, to not being focused on her work and accomplishments during our conversation – it seemed that what made her so attractive was what she was not doing or saying. I found it interesting that both I and my friend completely agreed that the aggressive and the dominating posture of the other girl made her less attractive and even annoying.
I would think that if that aggressive behavior we saw in one of the girls was exhibited on purpose by her, it was intended to impress us and attract attention and respect. While these are good goals to have, the execution did not take into account the that that a quieter, more subtle confidence is so much more attractive and effective, than loudly talking about how wonderful you are. The same, of course applies to men, but we are talking about women here now.
I have not yet seen how being pushy helps any woman advance in any aspect of her life, but I have seen many examples of how it hurts their personal and social life, by intimidating and distancing both – the men in her life and her friends.
A famous writer said once: “A woman’s greatest strength is in her weakness.” In times when femininity is sacrificed for the sake of promotions and corner office so often, this statement is more relevant than ever before, and it should be a reminder to women that what makes the attractive to men are the qualities that make the different from men. Wearing a suit and carrying a briefcase to the office deserves a lot of respect, but that’s not what a man wants in a lover; it’s the warmth, elegance, seductive mannerisms, and playfulness that men are after. These qualities can go together with being smart and ambitious but sacrificing the former is too high of a price to pay for career success.
damn this. shit just got real. edit: i just realised these comments were made 3 years ago. lol.
I like what Rachel Groover said. And i like her feminine presence were she talks about a woman should be and feel her womb without being disconnected with our body.
Well, just like women are not attracted to effeminate men (I don't really know one personally who is), men are not attracted to aggressive women. Why should they be? It's really not a hard concept to get. And a woman who is successful and educated is not necessarily the aggressive type. Don't equate the two. I do agree with this article.
Actually I think it applies to men too. I usually find men who put their "career success" on display in an attempt to get approval and make a point every time a turn-off too. That actually makes them look rather stupid and shallow.
Why do you mention that the women were of different races? What does that have to do with anything? Do you assume that some races are more feminine than others?
Also, would you think that being “pushy” wouldn’t help a woman excel in her career as a banker/judge/surgeon? Do you think that a man can become successful without being “pushy?”
Do you think that successful men should avoid discussing their careers after hours? Or only successful women?
Are there any men who are man enough that they are not intimidated by a woman who is educated and successful? Are there any American men who are masculine enough that a woman’s accomplishments do not make them less male?
Sigh- there are no men left in this country…..
This is why I spend so much time with Europeans.
1. I mentioned that the women were of different races for no specific reason.
2. Being pushy might help, but many times it will hurt more than help.
3. Men are expected to do certain things that are “male” – whether these are attractive or unattractive. When a woman does certain things that are generally considered “manly” it will be a turn-off to many men.
4. There are plenty of men who have no problem with accomplished women. They do have a problem with a woman who puts it on display in an attempt to get approval and make a point every time she can that she can be everything a man can. But then again, a truly accomplished, confident woman is unlikely to want to do it. Her confidence is calm and quite. Ideally, she knows when and how to be feminine.
5. European men are probably generally more stylish, more fit, more attractive and more educated that American men. This is a gross generalization but it’s probably true statistically. But don’t let it lead you into believing that just because the guy is from Europe, he is great in every way. If you met a number of European guys, you know as well as I do that they can be disappointing in ways similar to those that American men are.