One of the most valuable qualities that we have is our ability to reflect on our actions, observe our own behavior, get feedback and constructive criticism from our friends, co-workers and others, consider changing certain things in our actions and behavior and become better than we were before. Looking to change ourselves instead of blaming others is a very useful quality in all aspects of life, including dating and relationships., because as obvious as it might sound – we can only change and adjust ourselves to our environment, and we have very little control over the behavior of the people around us.
However, sometimes, pointing fingers only at yourself and blaming only yourself for your failures in dating is a terrible path to follow. You simply cannot blame yourself for all problems that you might encounter with different people of the opposite sex.
Please keep in mind one apparent but crucially important fact – the people who you go out with and interact with on a romantic level are humans as well. As such, what happens between the two of you depends on that other person just as much as it depends on you. Blaming yourself for every challenge you encounter with your dating and relationship partners will undermine your confidence quicker than anything else, and therefore you must avoid it.
Typically, a guy who goes out on several first dates that don’t necessarily work out very well will be blaming himself for these failures. While reevaluating your own behavior is a valuable tool in such situations, he must also consider the kind of women he went out with and their behavior. Did all of them have anything in common that would suggest that they all belong to a category of women that are simply incompatible with you? If so, this should be a lesson on which women you should considering not going out with and focusing your emotions and energy on other women. Just because a woman isn’t laughing at your jokes, it doesn’t mean that they are not funny although it’s possible. It’s also a possibility that she isn’t clever and witty enough to appreciate your humor, and therefore you simply do not belong together.
Similarly, a woman who has been cheated on by several guys, while becoming progressively more bitter and frustrated with men, might start blaming herself for having guys cheat on her over and over and will start considering herself a loser who will never meet the right guy. While it’s possible that there is something about her that turns men off and away, it’s also possible that she meets those guys who are naturally driven toward novelty and variety when it comes to meeting women and sex. And the fact is that the majority of guys, especially the younger ones, belong to that exact category. Thus, cheating is nothing personal against you but a powerful force that pushes some men from one woman to another regardless of how incredibly attractive, interesting and otherwise desirable any given woman is.
So, make sure that while considering your own behavior and engaging in the invaluable activity of self-improvement in dating and relationships, you are also not putting your own self-esteem on the line, and you rationally consider and evaluate the behavior and actions of your dating counterparts.
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