Of course we do! We just want to be able to make the choice to have sex when we are ready and want it as much as our potential partner does or more, and not feel like it is forced or expected of us. Speaking for myself, as a woman, I like sex. It is fun, exciting and it feels amazing especially with the right guy – the one who I am attracted to and the one who knows what he is doing in bed.
I will be honest and tell you that I am a good girl. A good girl who used to be very prude. Looking back, I realize that I was a prude because I was uncomfortable – with boys, my body, and myself. This is not a good combo for a woman, if she ever wants to have a mind blowing sex life. I did not see sex as fun. I perceived it as something scary and awkward. I felt that all that guys wanted was to use me and then laugh at me, while I wanted them to respect me. Therefore, I would never let them get close unless they put in the time.
When I turned 18, all of this changed for me. I went backpacking and safely kissed my way up the east coast until I met a very special guy who totally broke me out of my shell. The first time we were making out he said to me: “I want you to be comfortable. If I do anything that makes you nervous or uncomfortable, just slap my hand and I will stop.” I can tell you there was no hand slapping that night, and I got very comfortable very quickly with that guy. The reason for this was that for once, I felt that I was in charge of my sexuality. I was getting to make a choice and that alone put me at ease.
Women want to be sexual. Women want to be sexy, and they want to live out crazy sexual fantasies but they need to feel safe, secure and above all – not to be rushed, while knowing that if something goes wrong, they have the power to stop it. Women want to know that they are the one making the choice to have sex because they want to, and not because they are forced or pushed into being sexual.
I never want to feel judged or pressured. I do not want to be tossed in the slut category, and therefore I am very conscious of who I give my sexuality to. Unfortunately, many women are not as lucky to find a wonderful backpacking friend like I did. They have not experienced a safe environment, where they can unleash their sexual creature within. Women want to be unlocked. Trust me. Even the purest of the pure who look far too innocent to have “dirty” thoughts crave adventure. Make no mistake about it: a girl who is a wall flower at a club has just as many sexual fantasies or more than the girl who is taking the center of the dance floor, grinding against and teasing random guys.
As a man, you can give women a safe place to be sexual. Just like my backpacking friend did for me. And you might just be surprised by the results and by what passion you will unleash in a woman.
No related posts.
Thats a really thought provoking article and will defo giv me inspiration in bed in future thanks!
I dont believe this article.
Women have a microscopic sex drive. A guy has to put in a lot of effort to convince a woman to have sex with him. Then again, once in a committed relationship the woman conveniently stops having sex with the guy.
There are quite a few women out there who have a very strong sex drive, but it only show with the guy they like and are attracted to.
The million dollar question!. Obviously women vary in their desire, but having been married for 35 years, I feel there are more ‘here we go again’ times than there are ‘I can’t wait to get at you’ times. It would help if she telegraphed her desire prior to lovemaking, but I think girls are programmed from an early age to ‘keep him guessing’.
“jeff says:
August 20, 2010 at 5:32 am
I dont believe this article.
Women have a microscopic sex drive. A guy has to put in a lot of effort to convince a woman to have sex with him. Then again, once in a committed relationship the woman conveniently stops having sex with the guy.”
I’m willing to believe Jeff is a great guy, but could use some instruction in bed. If I really like someone, he doesn’t have to “put in a lot of effort.” And I’d never suddenly (or not so suddenly) stop having sex with someone. If I didn’t like him, or he was that bad in bed, and wouldn’t talk about it, then I’d just leave.
and . . .
“Kevin says:
August 26, 2010 at 2:38 pm
The million dollar question!. Obviously women vary in their desire, but having been married for 35 years, I feel there are more ‘here we go again’ times than there are ‘I can’t wait to get at you’ times. It would help if she telegraphed her desire prior to lovemaking, but I think girls are programmed from an early age to ‘keep him guessing’.”
Well I was married for more than twenty years, and I was always receptive, but when he “courted” me, it was “I can’t wait to get at you.”
When we’re married (or in a relaltionship) for a long time, it’s too easy to get in a rut. We have to remember to let our partner know we appreciate them, and we really want them. THEM.
“Make no mistake about it: a girl who is a wall flower at a club has just as many sexual fantasies or more than the girl who is taking the center of the dance floor, grinding against and teasing random guys.”
What a generalisation. How would you know? Why shouldn’t sex drives vary encrmously between women.?
Some women just aren’t intereated in sex for a variety of reasons. Some have a low sex drive. Others find their sex drive changes throughout their life. You can’t just generalise in the way you have done, assuming that just because you and your friends feel one way that all women feel the same.
Great point. My personal experience and the experience of many of my close male friends shows that the “low key” women who seem to be quite and who do not dress very provocatively prove to be romantically and sexually adventurous in some very, very surprising ways.
Although desire ebbs and flows, just as it does in men, YES! With the right approach… We want to be “unlocked” by someone we feel safe and loved by — we think about it ALL the time, and if the guy we love isn’t having sex with us… Something is wrong, it doesn’t feel right.
And I say this as an older woman who had kids, hormone fluctuations, health issues… all of it! But, over the long haul…I feel rejected if my mate doesn’t desire me.
A woman feels also sexual attraction and can also enjoy sex and have orgasm, however, as what ”Loversyoungerman” said, you guys need to have the right approach… one of them is being gentil and caring about pleasing her also… If she is happy about her sexual life with you, then you will certainly be …!
I think like Zelda as well, as my personal opinion i think that women are very emotional human beings, thats why you need to establish some kind of emotional conection( some call it chemistry) before atemping to get her into bed, most importantly its our duty as men to make them feel comfortable in those types of situations.
I can LOVE and WANT sex almost every night – IF, I feel loved and appreciated by my man. I can separate love and sex, and if I just want the orgasm – sometimes it’s just easier to “please” myself. What men don’t understand.. listen up guys.. this is very true with alot of women… We will want you more if you can do just a few little things… #1- we aren’t as quick to warm up as you are. Think of us more as a diesel engine. If you want some lovin, don’t grope and grab. Warm us up. Sometimes we are hesitant to engage with foreplay because we think that it will ALWAYS end up with sex. You may get alot farther, faster, if you do some work. Give us a massage, and here’s a thought… leave it at that. Not only will you totally shock your woman, but you’ll gain respect – which leads to #2 – Listen to us. Show that you care. Not only in words, but do the little things that are so easy to do. How about load the dishwasher one night? Do a load of laundry. I’m not asking you to do something incredible, – we understand that you are tired after work as well as we are. But, do something little that shows that you care. Show and tell us that you love and appreciate us. Get creative. #3- Ever hear of “manscaping”? Do you wonder why we don’t want to go down on you? Trim that junk! Clean yourself up. #4- Give compliments to each other. Don’t take each other for granted. Don’t say rude or hurtful things to one another. Treat each other the same way or better than you treat your good friend. Do you want sex? Then be sexy. And women, if you want love, be lovable.
Do Women Want Sex: Not according to what I have learned over the years.
Quick and dirty, growing up everything I saw, heard, and learned either from school which includes College, conversations, and personal observations has lead me to be very confused and intimidated over how women feel about sex.
Growing up I was lead to believe that men were all pigs, (note I am a 28yr old man) and that sex was this terrible thing that men forced on women or that women were expected to give them after marriage and that only low life whores wanted sex.
Now I have accepted that it’s normal for a woman to enjoy sex and that it in no way makes her a bad person.
I believed that no woman in her right mind wanted sex, that sex was something only men enjoyed and women just sort of endured it. For the record I am a virgin and after all this time have decided to be a celibate recluse for the rest of my life.
It still causes my jaw to drop when I read an article like this, but I am still unable to fully accept that any woman would actually want sex.
The memories of the things I heard and was taught by our society continue to make me feel…dirty, lowly and unworthy of being around women. To some degree I see sex as evil; well not evil in the classic sense, more like something that is discusting and uncomely, something I personally don’t ever want any part of, partly because I am ashamed of my natural male insticts.
While this article was very educational I still have trouble accepting it as true. Though unlike in my younger days I am sure the author is a very good person.
To all the women out there who read this article and make a comment I ask for one simple thing, if you are going to defend the idea that some women may have a low sex drive or feel insecure that seams more like a personal problem. I would like someone to answer this million dollar question, if the role was reversed and men were deemed to have a low sex drive wouldn’t there seam to be something extremely wrong? I am not dissing any gender by any means. We are sexual creatures with the means and capabilities to digress. If I were to be having sex with a woman (note I am currently with my life partner in the straight sense to verify), and she were bad in bed, I wouldn’t nullify her sex drive, nor would I slander her or make her feel insecure. The whole point of sex within a relationship is to allow the sexual experience to grow and diverge.
@ Poster The Real Enigma:
I read an article about sexual assault before this article. I was primarily researching for the views of how sex feels for a woman out of my own curiosity when I came upon it. The way some men treat younger women is disgusting, but there is no evil in sex. We have various forms of protection to protect us from HIV, AIDS, or pregnancies. As a 19 year old man, I can say that I’ve had my fair share of sexual relationships. As a young man still, I can comment that I wasn’t always the first one in the relationship who wanted sex, or wanted to experience some form of sexual interaction. I felt like you did at one point in time, I felt awkward and ashamed of my desires. I came to realize that I shouldn’t be because when in a relationship sex is a natural thing that should be tapped into when the mood and the moment is right.
Oh, for fuck’s sake people.
If women WANTED sex, we wouldn’t have acres of personals by women desperate but ONLY for tall (rich. Like it or not, short and rich is rare), movie star millionaires.
90% of men are working stiffs, paying the bills well enough.
But women are not interested in 90% of men.
It follows that 90% of men are either not sexually capable, or women are not seeking sexual partners.
Case closed.
The entire story is a lie.
“want to know that they are the one making the choice to have sex because they want to”
So terribly self centered…and I guess the guy is just to be at your disposal, just waiting and waiting for that moment to come and expected to be instantly ready to perform..or not..and not to be frustrated about that, because you would feel ‘pressured’ by that. I would not waste 2 seconds on you and feel much better that way…
Based on my experience I have my own opinion. I think there is confusion between the desire for sexual intimacy and sex drive. I don’t believe that women (generally speaking) have much of a sex drive; I think it’s just primarily a desire for intimacy. Let me explain.
For the most part woman who say they have a high sex drive will go on to describe matters that really pertain to intimacy. Quite frankly they are not the same but do go hand in hand.
Men and women are both born with a desire for sex and intimacy. The big difference is after puberty a male gets flooded by the sex hormone testosterone. It’s the fuel that turns a desire for sex into a craving for sex. Women will never understand this because; they don’t deal with the same amount of testosterone as their male counterparts.
I think if you take the testosterone out of a man he will essentially behave like a woman with regard to sex drive. You can see this in men taking antidepressants.
Likewise, if a woman takes testosterone she has an actual sex drive (not just a desire for intimacy). I know this is true because my wife had a testosterone shot and for a month really had a need for sex. It was awesome, but that’s beside the point. Side effects are not too good for long term use however.
Women like develop this long laundry list of items that supposedly will hack into their desire and unleash the sex goddess you’ve dreamed of. Guys, don’t fall for it. You should treat your wife/girlfriend with respect, admiration and love because it’s the manly thing to do, but don’t do it thinking you’ll get anything in return. Most likely you’ll end up on the good friend list, or in other words the no benefits list.
Since women don’t have a real craving for sex, but know men do they can and do utilize that knowledge to satisfy other desires. Marriage, babies, money, popularity. Why do you think the phrase “The best form of birth control is a wedding cake” was ever coined.
Women like to ramble on about how a man is defile and selfish, always wanting sex and paint a pretty ugly picture of men. The funny thing is that women have just as much of a dark side when it comes to sex, but it’s hidden much easier.
Great Article with insightful responses.
I’ve been sexually active for 46 years and I’ve had sex with around 20 different partners in that time. I have led a life of being actively pursued by willing females wanting to have sex with me. I can also say that I have noticed how other guys are desperately trying to get some action with no chance at all. They make no effort to be attractive sexual beings like they are unaware of the effort women put in to look good. It’s a multi billion dollar industry! Looking hot is a full time activity. Whatever my appearance it is always carefully contrived, even if I’m cutting the grass or cleaning the car in a teeshirt and shorts I expect the neighbour to be checking me out from her window so I make sure she sees something she’s going to want and desire. I’m not even after my neighbour by the way, you just never know who’s going to walk by. Any man who says women aren’t interested in sex and who rationalises this with some screwed up sexual politics is in denial. Face it buddy, you’re not turning women on. It’s all about you! … and by the way “Women Love Sex!”
@Jeff
Our sex drives are not “microscopic,” we just don’t want sex with you…
@MarriedMan,
Boy, you are full of it. Women have plenty of sex drive, don’t take it out on all of us because you’re stuck in a terrible marriage. Women do have testosterone as well, though not as much, and are perfectly able to get the desire to “fuck” (as opposed to making love) at times. We don’t always require ‘emotional intimacy’ to get it on. Show me a few videos of porn, and I’ll be all over my guy! I think about sex many times a day, and am visually stimulated (by some things anyway), so I definitely have a sex drive, and a high one at that.
Being sexual, men and women both have drives that can go to intimacy, or pre-evolutionarily animalistic if need be. Remember, 20x the testosterone does not equal 20x the sex drive, it just takes more testosterone to get the male drive going. We don’t need loads of testosterone to crave sex, many women actually have a hard time being without it. Not to mention we are not all these manipulative, ugly creatures that manipulate men by offering sex, but since it’s all you men want anyway, might as well make you do what we want. You deserve it… See how sexist that is? You don’t like it do you?
Don’t whine “women can never understand,” please, if you bled through your nether regions every month and felt the roller coaster of emotion and sometimes internal pain we have to feel, you would understand why we’re generally not ready to get it on every minute. Understand that. Don’t bitch, okay?
You get my point. See ya!
@Kahuna
46 years with 20 different partners? That’s a little over 2 years per relationship. Somethings wearing off or you wouldn’t be moving on to another relationship every couple of years, most likely its the sex after the gals get you where they want you. Or if you are having relationships with multiple ladies for a longer period of time, you probably wouldn’t have any issues with lack of sex either. With five girls on the hook you should expect to average once a week at least especially if they know about each other and are trying to win out over the rest.
@Lanna,
I can understand why you might be offended, it’s just one of those cruel truths in life. In all generalities there are exceptions, perhaps you are one of those exceptions, being a woman that has a genuine desire to have sex for for sex’s sake. That’s awesome and kudos to you and your lovers.
The fact still remains that if what I said wasn’t true to some degree, this particular thread wouldn’t be filled with so many men and WOMEN writing articles that backup my opinion. At some point you have to ask yourself, “Why are there so many cases where men are needing sex and their female partners have no desire to initiate”? Are all of these men just fat lazy whining bastards? Some are I’m sure, but many are not.
I enjoyed reading what you wrote, however what you wrote about a females monthly cycle was a total cop out. I’ll reiterate, Women will never understand a mans craving for sex because they don’t equally crave it due to the lack of testosterone. No man that I know of would expect a woman to be sexually aroused while menstruating any more than a man would be horny after heart surgery.
Well, after patiently reading all the above I see that most everyone has contributed in some small part to the controversy that has hounded civilized man (and woman) since known history. Truth is that no one actually knows the truth! But, certain facts are undeniable and maybe from them we can learn to tolerate each other.
Up until the advent of the “Pill” we were hardly capable of controlling (or preventing) pregnancies. Just imagine the mess we would be in if women had the same sexual makeup and desire(s) as men!
From the beginning of time women have been dependant upon men for every aspect of life. Depending on which culture you were raised in men obtrained wives differently and it was expected that the man would be the dominant one and would control everything in the marriage and family…..the woman (essentially) is the man’s slave. With this the woman (or her family) would be very careful in choosing her mate.
Since time indefinate the female was raised (brainwashed) to accept her roll. Prudeness, abstinence and modesty were the pillars of her up-bringing.
Now fast forward to the 20th century….. we see that not much has changed as far as the separate rolls of men and women, however there soon comes an awakening. Centuries of oppression is slowly chipped away and a “new” woman arises. The woman realizes a means of power and control….a sense of worth….a new spirit of freedom and free will. The man is suddenly forced into the breadline of manhood.
With this “new birth of freedom” a woman, from a very early age realizes and further develops the ability to manipulate. This may be the most sexist statement imaginable but when you sit back and examin the facts you wil agree.
Starting in kindergarten and all through her teens the female sees the affect she has, or CAN have on males. Through her teens and into womanhood the female grooms and polishes these abilities and the market is behind her. Just ask yourself the question…”why is it necessary for a female to maintain a wardrobe of clothing that either shows much of her breasts or accents them as well as her buttocks and genitalia??” In most every department store or market there are isles after isles of products for women. (You will find a four foot section of men’s toiletries). The woman can now take control of her life and destiny…..some moreso than others and some with a vengence.
The female is not stupid. With this new power and control she can dictate when and where she wants her male to “romance” her. And, make no mistake about it, the female thrives on romance and does not and will not have “just sex” with her man. It must always be with romance and on her conditions…..of course this is a generalization of females….there are a very few who are different but they still realize their control of the situation. For the most part a female will not have sex with a man unless there is something in it for her…. i.e., romance, security, affection, money, a new dress, a diamond or two, or maybe something as simple as getting the male out of a bad mood or being assured a visit with her parents the next day. All sounds pretty crude and far-fetched?? Think about it the next time you have sex! Men…. it would be cheaper and less of a hassle to just find yourself a prostitute…. or get yourself back into that bathroom! Have a good day.
My comment is the following- I feel that women do not need sex at all, nor do they even need men. They do not ejaculate, and the female orgasm is infinitely regressive. There is no point to it. Real females are more concerned with raising children and protecting their families.
@ Kurt White
While some women are frigid and are not interested in sex, there are plenty of women out there who are extremely passionate, sexually driven and can easily have multiple orgasms. They would probably say that it takes the right guy for them – the one they like, have chemistry with and are sexually compatible with – to bring this out in them. If you have met a number of women who seem to be sexually indifferent, don’t let it shape your view of the entire female kind.