Of course we do! We just want to be able to make the choice to have sex when we are ready and want it as much as our potential partner does or more, and not feel like it is forced or expected of us. Speaking for myself, as a woman, I like sex. It is fun, exciting and it feels amazing especially with the right guy – the one who I am attracted to and the one who knows what he is doing in bed.
I will be honest and tell you that I am a good girl. A good girl who used to be very prude. Looking back, I realize that I was a prude because I was uncomfortable – with boys, my body, and myself. This is not a good combo for a woman, if she ever wants to have a mind blowing sex life. I did not see sex as fun. I perceived it as something scary and awkward. I felt that all that guys wanted was to use me and then laugh at me, while I wanted them to respect me. Therefore, I would never let them get close unless they put in the time.
When I turned 18, all of this changed for me. I went backpacking and safely kissed my way up the east coast until I met a very special guy who totally broke me out of my shell. The first time we were making out he said to me: “I want you to be comfortable. If I do anything that makes you nervous or uncomfortable, just slap my hand and I will stop.” I can tell you there was no hand slapping that night, and I got very comfortable very quickly with that guy. The reason for this was that for once, I felt that I was in charge of my sexuality. I was getting to make a choice and that alone put me at ease.
Women want to be sexual. Women want to be sexy, and they want to live out crazy sexual fantasies but they need to feel safe, secure and above all – not to be rushed, while knowing that if something goes wrong, they have the power to stop it. Women want to know that they are the one making the choice to have sex because they want to, and not because they are forced or pushed into being sexual.
I never want to feel judged or pressured. I do not want to be tossed in the slut category, and therefore I am very conscious of who I give my sexuality to. Unfortunately, many women are not as lucky to find a wonderful backpacking friend like I did. They have not experienced a safe environment, where they can unleash their sexual creature within. Women want to be unlocked. Trust me. Even the purest of the pure who look far too innocent to have “dirty” thoughts crave adventure. Make no mistake about it: a girl who is a wall flower at a club has just as many sexual fantasies or more than the girl who is taking the center of the dance floor, grinding against and teasing random guys.
As a man, you can give women a safe place to want to have sex and to be sexual. Just like my backpacking friend did for me. And you might just be surprised by the results and by what passion you will unleash in a woman.
Who teaches girls how to have and enjoy sex? Does anybody know?
Good parents and friends and the right messages from society or a willingness to ignore the wrong ones (or be kind of oblivious…)
what woman isnt treated as a human being? You make it sound like girls are captured and sold as slaves for male enjoyment. Im pretty sure that doesnt happen in the modern dating world. Getting to know her as a person. That is so nebulous and stupid. Might as well say, try to dive into her soul. What is emotional connection? How do you measure this emotional connection? Most women I know seem to just want to have their food paid for them.
lol
Before I married my now ex-wife. I remember having to buy her stuff. Like dinners and movies.
I sure hope so
Thank you for writing this article. Everything in it “feels” true to me. Its so sad there is so much pain around sex, as much for men as there is for women. This comment section says it all. But maybe that is just a sign that you have made an impact with your article, that you have expressed a deep truth about human nature, and this is triggering men and making them come here and vent their pain.
Blog translation: focus more on the relationship than the intercourse. The writer said what most guys beg to hear: women want and love sex as much if not more than men. I think the error most of us men make is trying to find the magic, mechanical key that unlocks every woman and turns her into a robotic nympho. Wrong move.
Notice what the writer said: women want control of their sexuality (respect), safety, and choice. In other words, she wants to be treated like a human being, especially with her sexuality. Why? As I understand the blog, her sexuality is a very intimate, vulnerable part of her. Guess what, guys: it is the same for us even if we don’t realize it.
She wants to give you the gift of a very precious part of herself, but she wants to know she will be safe and respected in the process. She wants to feel good and have fun, just like us. A man who can be gentle and respect her as a person by getting to know her, discovering her likes and dislikes, being there for her, and letting her know she can trust him will unlock a firestorm of pleasure, fun, fantasy, and intimacy. It boils down to simple respect and love of another human being both inside and outside of the bedroom.
Forget the cheesy pickup lines or the nice-guy-with-flowers-and-compliments routine. Both are different versions of the same impersonal, mechanical approach to the “magic key”. Try getting to know her as a person without the expectation of sex and let her get to know you the same way. If she likes you, she likes you, and explore things from there. Sexuality is more than just the bedroom. It is about
getting to know the whole person and building relationships. I think if men and women started there, we all would be a lot better off.
Very well said and I couldn’t have put it any better. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
Thank you!
And this is the very reason vibrator sales have gone through the roof.
this is the clarification:
woman have sexual desire but it is awakened by a man whom she finds attractive and who is invested in her or they have an emotional connection.
men's sexual desire is not directed at any particular woman but by all women of a certain standard of looks (almost 80% of women). women of lesser standard of looks may even qualify just for novelty/fetish/variety reasons.
women's sexually is directed at a particular man. She might find certain men she says attractive/handsome but that does not mean she is sexually aroused by every man she sees. For us men it is totally different. Men's sexual drive is totally open, not directed towards any particular woman, even the love of his life. Yes, he is going to be sexually aroused by her, but he is also going to be sexually aroused (not necessarily aroused but intellectually wants to have sex with her) by every woman he sees that is pretty, especially if she is wearing revealing/suggestive clothing. His lust requires no connection to the woman except that she has a great body. In fact, a stranger is much more sexually stimulating because she completely new.
That is the problem that gets confused in long-term relationships where the man SEEMS to have a lesser sexual drive then the woman. The reason is the man's sexual drive is as strong and much stronger then her's, but he needs a different woman to satisfy it. This is why men rarely watch the same pornographic video over again and why new pornography needs to be endlessly produced even though there is an endless variety of pornography already out there. This is why women need to wear different costumes and role-play to keep the man interested. He is picturing another woman. This is why men have more stable marriages if they have mistresses, hookers, and affairs on the side. This is why a bull cannote get erect with the same cow again but will have enough energy to screw 50 new cows. Yes, totally politically incorrect but truth is often unpleasant.
@ Kingpin – the other major difference is that for the vast majority of women, visual stimulation, i.e. just seeing the guy's body lone, is not enough. They need to be attracted to his personality/confidence/sense of humor in order to be sexually aroused.
Guys stop rumbling and get your assess a second, 3rd or even a 4th wive, who said men and women are equal? Men have quadripled sex drive and it makes no sense to limit yourselves specially when the numbers are so favorable.
Yes, Steve, I know, I was married to someone exactly like that.
Before you assume that any woman have a microscopic drive, ask yourself whether it's possible that she just doesn't feel that sexual about you, because she either doesn't like you enough (yet) or is not sexually attracted to you.
There is a reason why we, girls, scream in bed much louder than guys. It's because we have the capacity to enjoy sex for much longer and possibly more. While some of us are frigid, to suggest that women don't have sex drive is ludicrous.
Liar
Women tend to use a lot of weasel words like love, care, respect etc for the real aphrodisiac. I don't think they themselves understand what turns them on. Massage? Housework? Compliments? Seriously? Lol. Next thing we know some clueless husband/boyfriend tries out your advice, only to find himself frustrated. Of course, its not about those things per se, but about love. But then, love is ambiguous. Can you explain what love means? Do you even understand it yourself? Can love be created by following steps? Love is not the same thing as flattery. This is exactly what the "nice guy" does: flatter. Do kind things, be "nice", shower compliments. Never worked and never will. So stop confusing guys over it. If you're ready to face what really turns you on, look inside yourself truthfully, and then give advice. Till then, stop speaking bullshit. If you act like you're this million dollar treasure that has to be "earned", that is exactly how you'll be treated: like a conquest; a sex object.
As most of us know, sexual attraction between the same partners diminishes over time. I am not sure if we need to fight it or just accept as a natural evolution or a relationship or marriage. Many relationship books and gurus suggest doing all kinds of things to reiginite passion, such as act out romantic dates, go on exotic vacations, use sex toys or other things to make sexual fantasies come true. However, I doubt that all that can change the fundamental progression of how much we desire each other over time.
This is in part because as much as rejection hurts us, guys, it hurts women much more. Even if a woman wants you really badly, she is still not going to make a move unless and until you make it clear that you are dying to have her, so that she can avoid any risks for showing that she wants to have sex with you without you wanting the same.
Thanks. I am glad you find this article inspiring. It goes without saying that inspiration is quite important when it comes to women, intimacy and sex.
This site is full of shit. You are one of the worst rape apologist women I have ever seen.
Haha everyone lets face it men and women will never understand each other
I think all of this is wrong. My wife and I had a great relationship however, after a child something changed. Now it just seems that I have to cater to her. We have sex when she wants to (which seems like either she doesn't want to, or It's a job to her (Which isn't very exciting nor does it make me feel like I'm the only man for her). I have always wanted nothing but my wife. However, lately I find myself needing another woman to fulfill that void. Now I know that you'll blame this on me, however I've done it all from feeding our child for months to… Well I do all the cooking and cleaning (except for the laundry) anyway (And yes I have a job). Lately I broke my leg, this has become the most destructive point in our relationship. She had to cook for a while ect.. However, between our child and this everything died. Now, I'm almost healed and ready to go. Nothing has changed. I love my wife but my resolve is starting to waver. I have to convince myself that other women are pretty. This sucks, I could use help.
Thanks.
Kids change everything, my wife was an animal until kids. It is very arrogant for women to always decide when where & how long after kids, but it’s a free flowing shared experience before kids. Sounds like the author is advocating bait & switch. Like this guy, I feel cheated, I love my wife, show love, do it all… But only if good enough that she says ok? What if I don’t want to by then…?
@Mickey,
Wow. I feel your pain bro. Im sorry about your situation. Im not sure how rare this type of thing is, but one man having to deal with that is too much
<a href="#comment-7633"
@steve
Oops, I meant to reply to steve, not mickey
@The Real Enigma,
Wow Enigma, I agree with everything u said. Im a 25 year old man that has also agreed to live a celibate life. I also feel that im almost unworthy of women. I believe that women are sexually superior to us, that we cannot satisfy women. I dont even think women are even attracted to men, at least sexually anyway.
I still can't get enough of them though, and I masturbate all the time to release my pinned-up feelings. Women are the most beautiful creatures that god has ever created. I wish it were a way I knew for sure that women were sexually attracted to us and really want and crave us like we do them, but there's no way for me to ever be completely sure.
No matter how much women insist they want us, I'll always believe that they're just trying to spare our feelings. Everytime I hear of women having sex with men, all I see it as is charity.
You are wrong about all of this, and it is sad. I’m sorry you feel and think this way but I have no idea where to even start on convincing you otherwise. Please go read more stuff that says the opposite, talk to women who feel the opposite, etc…I guess atleast you’re not reproducing then! (not anything personal against you, honestly it’s usually the ones who don’t want kids who should generally reproduce, but it’s about there being way too many of the wrong kinds of people having far too many kids)
Men want sex and women use sex, after 35 years of marriage and 3 kids I know this to be true. Our sex life was great until kids, after kids it died and never returned for my wife. Confessions of a sex beggar, it was the same story for most of the men i worked with. Funny thing is while my wife did not want me sexually lots of other women did and I could never figure that out. I think women are only sexual when they want to build a home. I love the joke " my wife laughs during sex and it does not matter what she is reading".
Funny thing about working the same job as someone else, you’ll pretty often have similar mindsets……………
But yeah, your “truth” is incorrect. I mean, not for you in your specific situation I suppose, but I sure as fuck don’t use sex, I crave it. Not all the time, but certainly a lot, sometimes even most.
Unfortunately, a lot of women kind of lose their desire for sex after kids. There’s a variety of reasons, one of the big ones being something along the lines of (forgive me, it’s been a while since I heard it) the role of the father becoming simply a father to the children because she is so consumed with being a mother to the children, and so the sexual part of her can kind of just die, and sometimes just not come back, especially since the men will oftentimes not really try to rekindle the spark (perhaps not enough) because they’re also exhausted and feel like they’re somewhat owed (it can go the other way too, just not as often)
“As a man, you can give women a safe place to be sexual” – practicalhappiness.com
“I do strongly believe in the old saying – there aren’t women who don’t give it out; there are guys who don’t know how to ask for it. To elaborate – it takes a certain man with certain qualities to bring out the mental and physical passion in an otherwise healthy woman.” – practicalhappiness.com
I disagree with your premise. Why is this a man’s responsibility? I strongly agree with an acquaitances observation:
“If we want to change the status quo, we need to bust the myth that the one-way dynamic is because of femininity or masculinity or some built-in, unchangeable phenomenon, and move as many gender roles as possible into common ground.”
Personally, I will never concede that my sex is worth less than anyone else’s, whether true or not. I expect my partner to put an equal effort into developing an exciting and healthy sexual relationship.
Both can be correct…as the situation stands for a lot of people (millenials and above atleast I’d say, Gen Z are starting to get a better grasp on this shit on the whole it seems) women are usually the ones who need a safer place to be sexual in the first place. Then she needs to reciprocate by providing a safe space for a lot of men to be emotionally vulnerable. Cuz toxic masculinity is a pretty terrible thing. I feel like toxic femininity is also a phrase that I’ve never seen anywhere but causes a lot of problems too. A lot of what these guys talk about (women using sex, leading guys on etc) is maybe what that is…but this only just popped into my head and I’m sleep deprived so it definitely needs some workshopping lol.
@Neraven
Thank you for your perspective. I do strongly believe in the old saying – there aren't women who don't give it out; there are guys who don't know how to ask for it. To elaborate – it takes a certain man with certain qualities to bring out the mental and physical passion in an otherwise healthy woman. The guys who think that women are not sexually driven should stop using that as an excuse to not being able to make the women they meet and date sexually aroused and driven.
Oh no, it’s not at all that I’m not passionate and adventurous lol. I still don’t have fantasies of any real sort or like more than a couple kinky things. But you are correct about that in concern to most women out there, and correct that a lot of guys use it as an excuse. I’ve been extraordinarily lucky in my life with who I’ve loved and fucked, and have always had a “high sex drive” (honestly drive really is a bad word for it for men or women).
To be fair though, I’m pretty sure I have way more testosterone than the average female (evidenced by a lot of things except the concrete biological proof) and probably my neurodivergence also partially puts me a lot closer on the scale to men. That neurodivergence is also very likely why I don’t really have fantasies, cuz I am very literal-minded and generally very present.
But I am still very much a woman, who is almost exclusively (always sexually and all but once romantically) attracted to men – for those who might leap on that saying my opinion no longer counts for some nonsensical reason.
There are clearly a lot of men on here downvoting sane and rational comments/responses out of pettiness and spite and bitterness though. But I’m appreciative of the couple I spotted that weren’t doing that.
I could go on, but I won’t (partially because what I would be talking about is no longer related to your response, and partially because it’s freaking 230 am here and I’m recovering from a surgery and shouldn’t be awake lol)
@Adrian Webb, I wanted to say something along those lines about this article lol. Things like that in particular piss me off. I am hardly even interested in going to bars and clubs, and if I were to I would be very quiet, keep to myself, or better yet go with a friend or boyfriend.
I actually have like no "sexual fantasies". Aside from one thing that's not even that kinky, I am not at all kinky.
No Steve. On this one I'm going to side completely with you.
Marriage is a legally binding contract. Upon entering into it both of you made certain commitments to the other.
Of course I've only heard your side of it, but it sounds like you've honored your commitments to her in spades.
One of her commitments was to provide you with a satisfactory sex life and be a loving wife, so you won't feel like straying.
It shouldn't be necessary for you to have to jump through hoops courting her everytime you want to be with her.
Concerning the gallant man who has won her and provided a nice life and children for her, she should just naturally want to love you back.
Only rarely should she have a valid excuse to reject you and then she should be eager to give you a rain check to be cashed in as soon as possible.
Barring all the unpleasant alternatives (like marriage counseling, an affair and/or divorce), the only thing I can think of to do is to have some of her woman friends that she trusts take her aside, grab her by the lapels and shake some sense into her. Her situation is much more serious than she realizes.
Good luck.
I don’t believe any of the garbage in this article. I have been married for 9yrs now and my wife has NO interest in being with me. I am at the point where if she doesn’t start showing me some desire I don’t think I will be able to stay with her. I do 90% of the work around our house. I get the kids up, dressed and feed while she gets ready for work. I see them out the door, and then I run and get ready to go to work. I work 50hrs a week and still get home every day by 4pm so I can spend time with my family. I have managed to buy us a 3500sqft home, a new car every few years and we have no debt. Even the cars are paid for in cash or we don’t buy them. I am giving her a life that most women would kill for.
And don’t give me any of the “you need to court her” crapp. I write her letters every week telling her how much I love her, how beautiful she is. I send her cards in the mail telling how much I need her in my life. I take her out, I show interest in anything she likes. And I don’t do it just to get something; I do it because I do love her. But all I EVER get her is a few minutes on Friday night. And even then I can tell show just feels guilty that she hasn’t, in her words, “let me have some” in a week or two. And God forbid she get “full field” before me. If that happens, she is done. As soon as she is done she is in the shower, then back to her books on that damn IPad.
Seriously, every word of what I wrote is true. I am done with this crapp. I am so tired of her never acting like she wants to be with me. I don’t want her to do crazy wild things, just act like you desire me once in a while. I know that all of you are going to ridicule everything I wrote. And I am sure the women are going to find some way to say it’s my fault. Go ahead, I would expect nothing less. All I can say is if I didn’t love my kids and want to be in their lives I would have ended this a long time ago. I am so empty now from giving and giving and getting NOTHING but her “pity” love in return.
Hey Steve: How was it that she married you in the first place if she’s that cold?
this is true , women do want sex but sometime they just cant real show it because it takes a lot for it to show out . some time am so desperate for sex but i haven't see the right man to pop my cherry .
Why do some of you guys remind me of Frasier?
In the early 1970s, there was a theme park in Southern California that bought an old beat up lion from a small circus in Mexico that had gone bankrupt. They named him Frasier.
At the same time the park had been trying to breed a pride of young, healthy lionesses. Time after time the young males who were introduced to them were spurned and even mauled by the females.
"Let's put Frasier in there," someone joked. But It wasn't long before the females were all his, licking his mane and even chewing his food for him. Frasier went on to sire 35 cubs in the two years before he died.
What lesson do I get from this? Patience, I think. Frasier took his time with the ladies and didn't come on so desperately. And they responded.
My experience is that most women are indeed every bit as sexual as men. But they are also more complicated. A lot of men, driven by their raging hormones, don't make the proper effort to woo a woman as she wants to be wooed. It's a delightful chase, men…, a courtship, friendly persuasion. And God it can be really fun!
Of course I also think Lanna nailed it when she said, "Our sex drives are not 'microscopic,' we just don’t want sex with you…" The fact is you can't win every woman. She just may not like you for whatever reason. And many times you will never know why.
But it's like sales. You have to treat it like a numbers game. One great thing about the fair sex is there are so many of them. If you have done everything you can and she doesn't respond within a reasonable amount of time, you just have to cut your losses and move on. But don't worry. There are other lovely women out there who will better appreciate your efforts.
I've experienced rejection and confusion and pain in dealing with women, of course. But overall, they are one of the greatest things in this life. I love women. And many of them have loved me.
As Oscar Hammerstein II once wrote, "It's a waste of time to worry over things that they have not–Be thankful for the things they've got!"
Women want and love sex as much as men and if your not satisfying them by being a selfish lover and only worrying about your pleasure not hers she’s not Guna wana fuck u learn to make her enjoy sex with you by making her orgasm again and again if the sex is getting boring role play with her women are into that and just plain old suck and fuck the shit out of her and treat her like a slut while your having sex with her and treat her like a lady when your not and she will crave more sex with you and this article is from a man in staten island newyork who loves women and knows what they want and btw I’m a huge ass whole when need b and a nice guy when I wanna b also depends on the mood I love women and their womanhood I love the taste of you all if any man don’t hey more for me
The Real Enigma, I want to talk to you. I am also a virgin (a woman).
I have an overwhelmingly insatiable sex drive and am a very sexual person in nature. But, in order to be intimate with a man, there has to be trust and respect. Not all women are the same. We don't all just like to dangle sex over your head to tease you. And if your wife/girlfriend is no longer willing to engage in sex with you, talk to her about it. A woman's sex drive does diminish over time, and sometimes we need to be reminded that our men have needs too and that we need to show them that we still want them and need them.
Bwahahaha you people make me laugh!
I have had sex with more men than I can count. Most of it has been great, some of it not so great. But in general, I love sex.
Wanna know why? Because I only have sex with men I'm attracted to. Furthermore, I only have repeated trysts with men who actually know how to have sex WITH a woman (as opposed to TO a woman).
I'm sure a lot of the older, fat, and balding men and the short, geeky guys must be grumbling that I'm a frigid prude with no sex drive… that's fine – as long as they get the message and stop pestering me. Otherwise, I'll have to do my "good Christian girl" song-and-dance routine for them again… which, BELIEVE ME, gets tiring after a while.
I'm so glad there are still men like Kahuna who understand the reality of the situation: "Any man who says women aren’t interested in sex and who rationalises this with some screwed up sexual politics is in denial. Face it buddy, you’re not turning women on."
Contrary to popular opinion on this, women are actually the buyers when it comes to sex, and men are the sellers. You have to make sure there is a demand in the market for your goods. I mean, you aren't trying to have sex with fat and ugly women, are you? No, you're trying to persuade attractive women to have sex with you. What boggles my mind is when a fat, old, ugly man tries to have sex with a young attractive woman – and then calls her a prude with no sex drive when she refuses his advances. But you know, it's not even about age. You can be old and hot. A lot of my lovers have been extremely good looking older men who knew their way around a woman's body, and not just their penis. It's just that most people aren't. I think women's sex drives would go WAY up if more men took better care of their looks. We may not be QUITE as visual as men, but we're not blind.
Just some food for thought, lusty lovers! 😉
xoxox
SexyJane
Kys kys
For women sex is an accessory not a necessity. For men sex is necessity.
Men NEED to have sex once a day or what ever their frequency is. Women don't NEED to have sex. Think of sex as going out to a nice restaurant or a club. Women love doing that time to time but if they don't, that is fine with them. For men, they will be outside the restaurant like a sick dog with their tongues out even if they are sick or dying, they HAVE to eat!
Unfortunately, some women are like that – they don't have much sex driver or they are completely frigid and are basically doing any guy a favor by sleeping with him, but not all women are like that. There are plenty of women out there who want sex just as much as any guy or more. They just don't want to have it with a random person but with the guy who is special to them. It takes an emotional and other kinds of connection for a woman to desire a certain guy, but once that's established she may become sexually as excited or even insatiable as the most sexually driven guy.
My comment is the following- I feel that women do not need sex at all, nor do they even need men. They do not ejaculate, and the female orgasm is infinitely regressive. There is no point to it. Real females are more concerned with raising children and protecting their families.
@ Kurt White
While some women are frigid and are not interested in sex, there are plenty of women out there who are extremely passionate, sexually driven and can easily have multiple orgasms. They would probably say that it takes the right guy for them – the one they like, have chemistry with and are sexually compatible with – to bring this out in them. If you have met a number of women who seem to be sexually indifferent, don't let it shape your view of the entire female kind.
From a scientific perspective, there is absolutely a point to the female orgasm. It releases chemicals that give you pleasure and cement bonding, same as male orgasm. And actually, we do also ejaculate lol. And fuck that “real female” bullshit. No wonder women don’t want you if you think that way.
Well, after patiently reading all the above I see that most everyone has contributed in some small part to the controversy that has hounded civilized man (and woman) since known history. Truth is that no one actually knows the truth! But, certain facts are undeniable and maybe from them we can learn to tolerate each other.
Up until the advent of the "Pill" we were hardly capable of controlling (or preventing) pregnancies. Just imagine the mess we would be in if women had the same sexual makeup and desire(s) as men!
From the beginning of time women have been dependant upon men for every aspect of life. Depending on which culture you were raised in men obtrained wives differently and it was expected that the man would be the dominant one and would control everything in the marriage and family…..the woman (essentially) is the man's slave. With this the woman (or her family) would be very careful in choosing her mate.
Since time indefinate the female was raised (brainwashed) to accept her roll. Prudeness, abstinence and modesty were the pillars of her up-bringing.
Now fast forward to the 20th century….. we see that not much has changed as far as the separate rolls of men and women, however there soon comes an awakening. Centuries of oppression is slowly chipped away and a "new" woman arises. The woman realizes a means of power and control….a sense of worth….a new spirit of freedom and free will. The man is suddenly forced into the breadline of manhood.
With this "new birth of freedom" a woman, from a very early age realizes and further develops the ability to manipulate. This may be the most sexist statement imaginable but when you sit back and examin the facts you wil agree.
Starting in kindergarten and all through her teens the female sees the affect she has, or CAN have on males. Through her teens and into womanhood the female grooms and polishes these abilities and the market is behind her. Just ask yourself the question…"why is it necessary for a female to maintain a wardrobe of clothing that either shows much of her breasts or accents them as well as her buttocks and genitalia??" In most every department store or market there are isles after isles of products for women. (You will find a four foot section of men's toiletries). The woman can now take control of her life and destiny…..some moreso than others and some with a vengence.
The female is not stupid. With this new power and control she can dictate when and where she wants her male to "romance" her. And, make no mistake about it, the female thrives on romance and does not and will not have "just sex" with her man. It must always be with romance and on her conditions…..of course this is a generalization of females….there are a very few who are different but they still realize their control of the situation. For the most part a female will not have sex with a man unless there is something in it for her…. i.e., romance, security, affection, money, a new dress, a diamond or two, or maybe something as simple as getting the male out of a bad mood or being assured a visit with her parents the next day. All sounds pretty crude and far-fetched?? Think about it the next time you have sex! Men…. it would be cheaper and less of a hassle to just find yourself a prostitute…. or get yourself back into that bathroom! Have a good day.
@Kahuna
46 years with 20 different partners? That’s a little over 2 years per relationship. Somethings wearing off or you wouldn’t be moving on to another relationship every couple of years, most likely its the sex after the gals get you where they want you. Or if you are having relationships with multiple ladies for a longer period of time, you probably wouldn’t have any issues with lack of sex either. With five girls on the hook you should expect to average once a week at least especially if they know about each other and are trying to win out over the rest.
@Lanna,
I can understand why you might be offended, it’s just one of those cruel truths in life. In all generalities there are exceptions, perhaps you are one of those exceptions, being a woman that has a genuine desire to have sex for for sex’s sake. That’s awesome and kudos to you and your lovers.
The fact still remains that if what I said wasn’t true to some degree, this particular thread wouldn’t be filled with so many men and WOMEN writing articles that backup my opinion. At some point you have to ask yourself, “Why are there so many cases where men are needing sex and their female partners have no desire to initiate”? Are all of these men just fat lazy whining bastards? Some are I’m sure, but many are not.
I enjoyed reading what you wrote, however what you wrote about a females monthly cycle was a total cop out. I’ll reiterate, Women will never understand a mans craving for sex because they don’t equally crave it due to the lack of testosterone. No man that I know of would expect a woman to be sexually aroused while menstruating any more than a man would be horny after heart surgery.
Just saying…some women are definitely horny on their periods. Me not particularly (not more so anyways, but yes sometimes less so if I’m cramping), but my very promiscuous boyfriend has a lot of experience and research under his belt and assures me this is the case. I’ve also seen it around here and there as well.
And honestly if I have a minor headache or light cramping or some muscle soreness, I will absolutely try to have sex to RELIEVE that pain, cuz that’s what those chemicals do lol.
And comparing something that happens for approximately a week generally every month to an extremely invasive surgery on a very important organ…ehhh apples and oranges. It’s different for every woman, but it is just a part of life for the majority of us.
@Jeff
Our sex drives are not "microscopic," we just don't want sex with you…
@MarriedMan,
Boy, you are full of it. Women have plenty of sex drive, don't take it out on all of us because you're stuck in a terrible marriage. Women do have testosterone as well, though not as much, and are perfectly able to get the desire to "fuck" (as opposed to making love) at times. We don't always require 'emotional intimacy' to get it on. Show me a few videos of porn, and I'll be all over my guy! I think about sex many times a day, and am visually stimulated (by some things anyway), so I definitely have a sex drive, and a high one at that.
Being sexual, men and women both have drives that can go to intimacy, or pre-evolutionarily animalistic if need be. Remember, 20x the testosterone does not equal 20x the sex drive, it just takes more testosterone to get the male drive going. We don't need loads of testosterone to crave sex, many women actually have a hard time being without it. Not to mention we are not all these manipulative, ugly creatures that manipulate men by offering sex, but since it's all you men want anyway, might as well make you do what we want. You deserve it… See how sexist that is? You don't like it do you?
Don't whine "women can never understand," please, if you bled through your nether regions every month and felt the roller coaster of emotion and sometimes internal pain we have to feel, you would understand why we're generally not ready to get it on every minute. Understand that. Don't bitch, okay?
You get my point. See ya!
Great Article with insightful responses.
I've been sexually active for 46 years and I've had sex with around 20 different partners in that time. I have led a life of being actively pursued by willing females wanting to have sex with me. I can also say that I have noticed how other guys are desperately trying to get some action with no chance at all. They make no effort to be attractive sexual beings like they are unaware of the effort women put in to look good. It's a multi billion dollar industry! Looking hot is a full time activity. Whatever my appearance it is always carefully contrived, even if I'm cutting the grass or cleaning the car in a teeshirt and shorts I expect the neighbour to be checking me out from her window so I make sure she sees something she's going to want and desire. I'm not even after my neighbour by the way, you just never know who's going to walk by. Any man who says women aren't interested in sex and who rationalises this with some screwed up sexual politics is in denial. Face it buddy, you're not turning women on. It's all about you! … and by the way "Women Love Sex!"
Based on my experience I have my own opinion. I think there is confusion between the desire for sexual intimacy and sex drive. I don’t believe that women (generally speaking) have much of a sex drive; I think it’s just primarily a desire for intimacy. Let me explain.
For the most part woman who say they have a high sex drive will go on to describe matters that really pertain to intimacy. Quite frankly they are not the same but do go hand in hand.
Men and women are both born with a desire for sex and intimacy. The big difference is after puberty a male gets flooded by the sex hormone testosterone. It’s the fuel that turns a desire for sex into a craving for sex. Women will never understand this because; they don’t deal with the same amount of testosterone as their male counterparts.
I think if you take the testosterone out of a man he will essentially behave like a woman with regard to sex drive. You can see this in men taking antidepressants.
Likewise, if a woman takes testosterone she has an actual sex drive (not just a desire for intimacy). I know this is true because my wife had a testosterone shot and for a month really had a need for sex. It was awesome, but that’s beside the point. Side effects are not too good for long term use however.
Women like develop this long laundry list of items that supposedly will hack into their desire and unleash the sex goddess you’ve dreamed of. Guys, don’t fall for it. You should treat your wife/girlfriend with respect, admiration and love because it’s the manly thing to do, but don’t do it thinking you’ll get anything in return. Most likely you’ll end up on the good friend list, or in other words the no benefits list.
Since women don’t have a real craving for sex, but know men do they can and do utilize that knowledge to satisfy other desires. Marriage, babies, money, popularity. Why do you think the phrase “The best form of birth control is a wedding cake” was ever coined.
Women like to ramble on about how a man is defile and selfish, always wanting sex and paint a pretty ugly picture of men. The funny thing is that women have just as much of a dark side when it comes to sex, but it’s hidden much easier.
“want to know that they are the one making the choice to have sex because they want to”
So terribly self centered…and I guess the guy is just to be at your disposal, just waiting and waiting for that moment to come and expected to be instantly ready to perform..or not..and not to be frustrated about that, because you would feel ‘pressured’ by that. I would not waste 2 seconds on you and feel much better that way…
Oh, for fuck’s sake people.
If women WANTED sex, we wouldn’t have acres of personals by women desperate but ONLY for tall (rich. Like it or not, short and rich is rare), movie star millionaires.
90% of men are working stiffs, paying the bills well enough.
But women are not interested in 90% of men.
It follows that 90% of men are either not sexually capable, or women are not seeking sexual partners.
Case closed.
The entire story is a lie.
To all the women out there who read this article and make a comment I ask for one simple thing, if you are going to defend the idea that some women may have a low sex drive or feel insecure that seams more like a personal problem. I would like someone to answer this million dollar question, if the role was reversed and men were deemed to have a low sex drive wouldn't there seam to be something extremely wrong? I am not dissing any gender by any means. We are sexual creatures with the means and capabilities to digress. If I were to be having sex with a woman (note I am currently with my life partner in the straight sense to verify), and she were bad in bed, I wouldn't nullify her sex drive, nor would I slander her or make her feel insecure. The whole point of sex within a relationship is to allow the sexual experience to grow and diverge.
@ Poster The Real Enigma:
I read an article about sexual assault before this article. I was primarily researching for the views of how sex feels for a woman out of my own curiosity when I came upon it. The way some men treat younger women is disgusting, but there is no evil in sex. We have various forms of protection to protect us from HIV, AIDS, or pregnancies. As a 19 year old man, I can say that I've had my fair share of sexual relationships. As a young man still, I can comment that I wasn't always the first one in the relationship who wanted sex, or wanted to experience some form of sexual interaction. I felt like you did at one point in time, I felt awkward and ashamed of my desires. I came to realize that I shouldn't be because when in a relationship sex is a natural thing that should be tapped into when the mood and the moment is right.
Do Women Want Sex: Not according to what I have learned over the years.
Quick and dirty, growing up everything I saw, heard, and learned either from school which includes College, conversations, and personal observations has lead me to be very confused and intimidated over how women feel about sex.
Growing up I was lead to believe that men were all pigs, (note I am a 28yr old man) and that sex was this terrible thing that men forced on women or that women were expected to give them after marriage and that only low life whores wanted sex.
Now I have accepted that it’s normal for a woman to enjoy sex and that it in no way makes her a bad person.
I believed that no woman in her right mind wanted sex, that sex was something only men enjoyed and women just sort of endured it. For the record I am a virgin and after all this time have decided to be a celibate recluse for the rest of my life.
It still causes my jaw to drop when I read an article like this, but I am still unable to fully accept that any woman would actually want sex.
The memories of the things I heard and was taught by our society continue to make me feel…dirty, lowly and unworthy of being around women. To some degree I see sex as evil; well not evil in the classic sense, more like something that is discusting and uncomely, something I personally don’t ever want any part of, partly because I am ashamed of my natural male insticts.
While this article was very educational I still have trouble accepting it as true. Though unlike in my younger days I am sure the author is a very good person.
I can LOVE and WANT sex almost every night – IF, I feel loved and appreciated by my man. I can separate love and sex, and if I just want the orgasm – sometimes it's just easier to "please" myself. What men don't understand.. listen up guys.. this is very true with alot of women… We will want you more if you can do just a few little things… #1- we aren't as quick to warm up as you are. Think of us more as a diesel engine. If you want some lovin, don't grope and grab. Warm us up. Sometimes we are hesitant to engage with foreplay because we think that it will ALWAYS end up with sex. You may get alot farther, faster, if you do some work. Give us a massage, and here's a thought… leave it at that. Not only will you totally shock your woman, but you'll gain respect – which leads to #2 – Listen to us. Show that you care. Not only in words, but do the little things that are so easy to do. How about load the dishwasher one night? Do a load of laundry. I'm not asking you to do something incredible, – we understand that you are tired after work as well as we are. But, do something little that shows that you care. Show and tell us that you love and appreciate us. Get creative. #3- Ever hear of "manscaping"? Do you wonder why we don't want to go down on you? Trim that junk! Clean yourself up. #4- Give compliments to each other. Don't take each other for granted. Don't say rude or hurtful things to one another. Treat each other the same way or better than you treat your good friend. Do you want sex? Then be sexy. And women, if you want love, be lovable.
I think like Zelda as well, as my personal opinion i think that women are very emotional human beings, thats why you need to establish some kind of emotional conection( some call it chemistry) before atemping to get her into bed, most importantly its our duty as men to make them feel comfortable in those types of situations.
A woman feels also sexual attraction and can also enjoy sex and have orgasm, however, as what ''Loversyoungerman'' said, you guys need to have the right approach… one of them is being gentil and caring about pleasing her also… If she is happy about her sexual life with you, then you will certainly be …!
Although desire ebbs and flows, just as it does in men, YES! With the right approach… We want to be "unlocked" by someone we feel safe and loved by — we think about it ALL the time, and if the guy we love isn't having sex with us… Something is wrong, it doesn't feel right.
And I say this as an older woman who had kids, hormone fluctuations, health issues… all of it! But, over the long haul…I feel rejected if my mate doesn't desire me.
"Make no mistake about it: a girl who is a wall flower at a club has just as many sexual fantasies or more than the girl who is taking the center of the dance floor, grinding against and teasing random guys."
What a generalisation. How would you know? Why shouldn't sex drives vary encrmously between women.?
Some women just aren't intereated in sex for a variety of reasons. Some have a low sex drive. Others find their sex drive changes throughout their life. You can't just generalise in the way you have done, assuming that just because you and your friends feel one way that all women feel the same.
Great point. My personal experience and the experience of many of my close male friends shows that the "low key" women who seem to be quite and who do not dress very provocatively prove to be romantically and sexually adventurous in some very, very surprising ways.
“jeff says:
August 20, 2010 at 5:32 am
I dont believe this article.
Women have a microscopic sex drive. A guy has to put in a lot of effort to convince a woman to have sex with him. Then again, once in a committed relationship the woman conveniently stops having sex with the guy.”
I’m willing to believe Jeff is a great guy, but could use some instruction in bed. If I really like someone, he doesn’t have to “put in a lot of effort.” And I’d never suddenly (or not so suddenly) stop having sex with someone. If I didn’t like him, or he was that bad in bed, and wouldn’t talk about it, then I’d just leave.
and . . .
“Kevin says:
August 26, 2010 at 2:38 pm
The million dollar question!. Obviously women vary in their desire, but having been married for 35 years, I feel there are more ‘here we go again’ times than there are ‘I can’t wait to get at you’ times. It would help if she telegraphed her desire prior to lovemaking, but I think girls are programmed from an early age to ‘keep him guessing’.”
Well I was married for more than twenty years, and I was always receptive, but when he “courted” me, it was “I can’t wait to get at you.”
When we’re married (or in a relaltionship) for a long time, it’s too easy to get in a rut. We have to remember to let our partner know we appreciate them, and we really want them. THEM.
The million dollar question!. Obviously women vary in their desire, but having been married for 35 years, I feel there are more 'here we go again' times than there are 'I can't wait to get at you' times. It would help if she telegraphed her desire prior to lovemaking, but I think girls are programmed from an early age to 'keep him guessing'.
I dont believe this article.
Women have a microscopic sex drive. A guy has to put in a lot of effort to convince a woman to have sex with him. Then again, once in a committed relationship the woman conveniently stops having sex with the guy.
There are quite a few women out there who have a very strong sex drive, but it only show with the guy they like and are attracted to.
@practicalhappiness.com,
Woman love to use sex as their ultamate trump card over any man. The best way to destroy that is to stop all affection and/or romance. Tell her like I did, you can own our sex life but I will own the affection & romance. I can go without sex but can she go without affection and romance, especially affection? No, woman need affection just as much as men need sex. Take away her one bargening chip of sex and she really doesnt have that much power over you. Withhold affection & watch her go crazy. Turnaround is fair play, men just dont do it often enough.
@dex,
Excuse me but you're a generalizing sexist bastard.
Like practicalhappiness said, I have a huge sex drive, but I do not give it away to anyone but those I love because I was molested as a child. Among other reasons. I do not get turned on by pretty much anything except the guy I love (which I find very convenient).
Therefore I have never withheld sex from a guy. I've jokingly threatened it (and he knew it) and we laughed about it later.
Also everyone needs affection, asshole. Well maybe I'm generalizing there, but seriously, most people need affection. If you don't then I'm sorry for you, but that doesn't stop almost everyone else from needing it. You need a better relationship, sir. And a better outlook on these types of things, too. Maybe that's your key to better relationships.
I forgot to mention this. The only times I have ever denied sex is when I was legitimately tired, sick, or angry at him. None of these happened very often and we grew to simply have sex when we got in arguments so that worked out. Sort of. But the last guy I was with actually didn't want to have sex with me sometimes. I was always the one revving to go and he'd just be like "I need to sleep". It's true he had and still has a very, very busy life, but it was still frustrating as hell.
@jeff,
Some women have microscopic sex drive but not all. The thing is women cant ever win, if the love sex they are called a slut and if they don’t they are a prude, boring, uptight etc. I was in a horrible marriage for many years and my ex treated me like a housekeeper/cook/spermbag! Sex on demand when I did not feel like it, insults, abuse and degradation have managed to completely kill my desire for many years, sex with my ex was something between a chore and rape. Now that I am divorced and there is no pressure on me or abuse I feel like having sex again on a regular basis. My ex wanted me to be a tab of lard so that no man would look at me yet, he used to go online and look at teen porn – I know because I checked his browsing history.