When You Are a Virgin, but the Girl is Not

guy virginMany guys face this emotional challenge early on in their dating lives before they have had any sexual experience with women and when they are still virgins. They start going out with a girl, they start liking her and develop feelings for her. For one reason or another they assume that the girl is also a virgin.  Then – they find out that she is not as “pure” and “innocent” as they are, and as they thought she would be. She is not a virgin.  In that situation, a typical guy, who doesn’t have any sexual experience and who is still a virgin, finds it really difficult to get used to the idea that the girl is not as “clean” and innocent as he is. It bothers him that they are not “equal” that way, and he often can’t help but be upset by the fact that another guy has touched her before him or that she simply has more sexual experience than he does. The guy tries to be rational. He realizes that he can’t blame the girl for anything (unless she is known to be a total slut who slept around with dozens of guys), and that she really didn’t do anything wrong by simply having had a few dating and sexual experience in the past.  But it still bothers him. He starts “interrogating” the girl, asking her all kinds of invasive questions about her past sex life out of his overwhelming curiosity and jealousy, but this only makes things worse and makes him even angrier and more frustrated – primarily with himself and his inability to conquer his feelings toward the girl’s sexual past and the fact that she is not a virgin like he is, especially if the girl answers his questions.

So, what are the reasons for this frustration?

First, a guy who is a virgin might feel that it’s somewhat unfair that he is “pure” but the girl is not. He might believe that he is giving more than he is receiving when he is a virgin and the girl has already been “used.” Secondly and more importantly, the guy will feel jealous of the fact that the girl who he likes so much has had an intimate experience with another guy, shared some very special moments with someone before she met him, and that for her it would not be as special for her being with him now, as it will be for him to be with her.

This internal battle that the virgin guy might have in this situation is important for him to overcome so he doesn’t ruin an otherwise good situation with the girl that he likes so much and that he can enjoy developing his relationship and sexual intimacy with her. If you are a guy who faces the above challenges, I would like to suggest to you two very effective things that you can do to overcome this problem:

1. Put a positive spin on the fact that the girl is no longer a virgin and has all that sexual experience.

Why? Because it is indeed mostly positive. Her sexual experience will help both of you during the first time that you have sex with her. She might teach you a few things that you wouldn’t have learned from a girl who has never been with a man before. And be assured that it doesn’t help doing it for the first time with a girl who, like you, doesn’t have any experience and doesn’t know what she is doing. It will only make things more difficult for both of you the first time you have sex.

2. Stop idealizing your relationship with her.

You must stop seeking and expecting perfection from every aspect of your dating situation and of the girl you are with. As much as you might like her and be crazy about her, and as much as you might think that she is one of a kind – she is not perfect. Guess what – sooner or later you will realize that just like any other relationship, this dating situation is not perfect either. You will have arguments, fights and other problems. This would sound very cynical, but statistically you will more likely that not break up, and there will many other women in your life after that girl, who was your first sexual partner. This is not a good thing or a bad thing. It is just part of life and part of coming of age for the majority of young men. So, stop worrying or expecting her to be pure and attached.

3. Leave her past where it belongs – in the past.

Leave the girl’s dating and sexual past where it belongs – in the past – and move on. Focus on your present and on the fact that she wants to be with you and you want to be with her.  Perceive your interaction and your initial sexual experience with her as a valuable lesson and an introduction to your sex life, and this mindset will serve you well. Benefit from being with your first sexual partner by learning and gaining an experience of your own.

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ALREY BUCKERSHY
ALREY BUCKERSHY
02/19/2024 12:20 pm

I’ve always wished for A REAL ENCOUNTER OV A GROUP OV OLDER HYPNOTRANCETERNITY HYPNOSHRELOVREY

SEDUCTIVE TRANCEXUBHUREANCEY
LOVELY GROUP OV GAY

MEM WITH HUGER BIG LONGEROHUMPINGLY BIG MASSIVESHIHNUTREXSUMER

SECRETIVE OWNERSHIP OVER MY VICINITY I REALLY DO WISH FOR A GROUP OV OLDER MEN WITH VERY LARGER BIG DICKS

TO ADOPTERINGLUHVEROUER

ROMANCE I GIVE YOU MY PERMISSION TO HAVE YOU GROUP OV GAY MEN HYPNOTISHUEHIOURELY

TAKE ME AS A SUBMISSIVE LOVELY BOY VIRGIN YES

lenma
lenma
02/06/2024 6:28 am

Honestly, as far as i can tell, i don’t know.
I absolutely understand that one’s character is not defined by the amount of intimacy one had in the past.
However, as a virgin myself, for some psychological reason, i cannot shake the feeling that by being intimate with someone who is not in a similar situation, something is being robbed of me, like a part of me being taken away forever and i receive nothing back. To me, the first time i get intimate should be a special one, however i cannot assure that the one intimate with me can feel the same, since to them, it’s just another normal day, and it devastated me hard to know that something i consider so beautiful and special to myself become something so mundane to the ones i love.
I truly don’t know if this is the proper answer to the post, but it is my answer, and somewhere in the back of my mind, i would rather be alone than to have my first be with someone who would treat it as something casual. However sometimes i do get disturbed by such thoughts in a sense.

Dave
Dave
02/08/2024 6:31 pm
Reply to  lenma

You might feel isolated because of these thoughts but there are so many man out there that feel exactly this. Love hurts when its shared, love unites people, and when the person you love the most has united with some else in the most intimiate way, ofcourse that is going not only hurt, but in many ways be extremely gut wrenching.

JW Player
JW Player
12/30/2023 9:10 pm

You are in total control of the direction of the relationship if you are a virgin and your girlfriend is not. I suggest you go through the motions, get experience, and lead her on for 1 to 2 years. Let her know you want to marry her someday to get her to stay. Then, leave her for a better girl or leave her because you are suffering from Retroactive Jealousy. You will never get over Retroactive Jealousy if you stay with your first partner who is not a virgin.

JW Player
JW Player
12/22/2023 8:19 am

Virginity concept is crap and worthless because people are not 1 time use only. People have rechargeable s*x drives. People have rechargeable body parts. Have you seen a happy couple stop after just 1 time? NO. Have you been attracted to MORE than 1 person in your life? YES.
Virginity concept is also crap and worthless because this person (who has a rechargeable sex) drive is choosing YOU over their Ex’s. And if you have a positive attitude and love them back they will commit to only you and recharge their sex drive for you over and over and over.
If you have an attractive girlfriend who is committed to you, consider yourself lucky. Many men will be lining up to take your place. I wish you the worst of luck going forward if you turn down an attractive woman who has good character.

Dave
Dave
01/25/2024 6:02 pm
Reply to  JW Player

If Sex was not a big deal then we wouldnt have this conversation. But since the sexual revolution in the late 1960s we are still having issues regarding sexual experiences, maybe if people actually turned on their brain and studied some physiology, maybe then they would learn that sex is too involved in emotions and chemical bonding to just be recerational thing, its a meaningful act of love that is incredibly powerful on the mind and science proves that. Trying to transform meaningfuling things into meaningless pleasure has not be working has it, perhaps its the reason people are hurting and talking about it. People look to their loved one and want to be exclusive to each other, thats called a unifying love, its natrual, thats meaningful, its substance filled. Im sure you have relationships with people that are closer to you then others, thats called a bond, and the closer you are with someone the more exclusive access they have to you, the most secrets are between you and them.
, But people like you then look at sex like its no big deal “Its only all of you involved” you guys are so F***king deprived of natrual basic laws of the universe, what an upside down shit world. People like you disgust me because folks like dont understand wisdom, folks like u give shitty advice that ruins the culture and invdivduals. You are feeding a constant lie that virginity shouldn’t matter throwing aways thousands of years of human values on Intmacy, love, bonding, exclusive meaningful relationships. This generation is so deprived of good, and like a stupid bird that chase shiny things without a damn care in the world how sharp that object will be. Pleasure only seeking deprived upside down generation !

JW Player
JW Player
02/14/2024 7:16 pm
Reply to  Dave

All the crybaby guys on here (including yourself) need to stop being wimps and take advantage of their opportunities with women. Just live life. Life doesn’t have to be that hard. I am very thankful for my experiences with multiple women. You crybaby’s are miserable all of the time. How do you function on a daily basis? Just keep playing the victim card and poor me attitude. I will keep enjoying my opportunities with someone exciting and new that energizes me.

Talha Ubaidullah
10/25/2023 3:45 am

Jazakallah. This blog provides a candid exploration of the emotional challenges some guys face when discovering their partner’s sexual history. Islam encourages chastity and purity before marriage, but also emphasizes forgiveness and repentance for past actions, valuing a person’s character and faith over their past experiences.

El Paso
El Paso
10/17/2023 2:05 am

My girlfriend told me later in 6months of our relationship that she had sex with her ex but no matter how much I love her,I have never got over that, it hurts me so much. What am I going to do about it. Is it right to stay because I love her or rather I honor my sexual values

Cj123
Cj123
11/02/2023 2:56 pm
Reply to  El Paso

I had the somewhat same scenario and i try to forget about it but it kept eating me inside and we had a lot of fights and we eventually broke up. Let her go if it hurts you or let her lies go

Total looser
Total looser
12/27/2023 9:10 am
Reply to  El Paso

Leave her bro u don’t don’t deserve the pain it never go way

JW Player
JW Player
12/30/2023 9:19 pm
Reply to  El Paso

Just go through the motions, gain experience, and lead her on for 1 to 2 years. You control the destiny and direction of this relationship because you are the virgin and she is not. Tell her you are happy with the relationship and want to marry her someday. Then dump her later for someone younger/better and or dump her if you still have Retroactive Jealousy.

MysticG1133
MysticG1133
10/01/2023 5:12 pm

Ah…..so my take from this as a non-virgin woman is, DO NOT DATE A VIRGIN MAN BECAUSE MY ABUNDANCE OF EXPERIENCE WILL MAKE HIM FEEL SMALL……When I lost my virginity, it was to a man who was not a virgin. And it literally wasn’t an issue. I never asked him any questions about his past. Was never jealous of other women he had been with, none of that. I honestly don’t see what the serious issue is outside of a virgin man’s fragile ego. Maybe once he gets over himself, he’ll be able to finally get off with someone other than himself. Because the way I see it, 2 virgins going at it seems really fumbly and clumsy. Someone Has to have some experience in order for it to flow. And if it’s the man with the experience, praise the lord above. But if it’s the woman who has the experience, damn her to hell. Ugh. This thread made me wanna puke

HOODA
HOODA
10/21/2023 6:21 pm
Reply to  MysticG1133

YOUR EXPERIENCE WILL NOT MAKE HIM FEEL SMALL BUT IT WILL DEFINITELY MAKE YOU A SLUT WHO SLEPT WITH WHOLE COLONY.

Total looser
Total looser
12/27/2023 9:24 am
Reply to  MysticG1133

It’s about exploring everything together it’s not men feel insecure or small it about how a hoe treat some one inexperienced and live in her past not seeing what her partner do. it about laying thought out the time they are together and continue to be a hoe if you are that good jest say you had a live in relationships it,s better to marry a divorced than a hoe .man preffer divorced women more than a hoe

Anynymous
Anynymous
09/24/2023 7:58 pm

Leave her past? Shut up whoever you are.
Just like how a dude’s future is concerned, a girls past should also be considered, I cannot marry a h0e
Tell me how many women are virgins on their wedding day? Tf is wrong with you, stop giving people wrong infos
If you want a virgin girl then it’s your preference, periodt👍🏽

AaskashPrakash
AaskashPrakash
09/25/2023 11:38 am
Reply to  Anynymous

bro, i was really thinking that something was wrong with ME. And it’s “normal” to NOT expect your spouse to be virgin. But this comment section shows what’s “normal”

Total looser
Total looser
08/25/2023 5:51 pm

I came to know about after 3 yr of marriage after becoming father of a child now I am feeling very sad betrayed I told her before marriage I disgust women who slept with other man I don’t want that kind of women in my life she acted very innocent told about her bf and nothing happen between them I believed her become I too had a gf , we never had sex we both want to do it after marriage we didn’t even kissed once .she acted so perfect as a virgin in our first night except I didn’t see any emotion on her face that day, she never let me complete sex always stop in middle ,I did every thing to get her aroused it never happened she always find an excuse ,one day she let me do it willingly and she is a supper pro in sex (this is when she get pregnant)
And again same story years with out any sex she never hugged me or touched me with any intimacy . As curious guy I started look into it and I found she was not a vergin,she slept with her ex bf multiple times in multiple hotels room and from there audio recordings I able to understand that she is very much into sex . I gone in to complete depression and suicide thoughts. This women still thinks I don’t know about it when I asked her about sexual satisfaction with me she told she is happy with insulting smile on her face , and one during fight she told me he was a better man than me .I never did anything wrong I had plenty of opportunities I waited for my one and only ,she is a real manipulator if I comforted her she will make it my mistake she always find complaints in me to toture me every time , I work and provide for her she rarely do anything for me. I don’t know how to leave with her any more.
If I don’t go to a prostitute or slept with other women’s what make people like you think I want to marry a prostitute

AaskashPrakash
AaskashPrakash
09/25/2023 11:47 am
Reply to  Total looser

Dont think of suicide bro. You’ve got a child.

Rokko69
Rokko69
02/02/2024 3:07 am
Reply to  Total looser

Don’t leave your children with this bitch

Dave
Dave
08/18/2023 4:49 am

Women are the “Gate-Keepers” of sex
Men are the “Gate-Keepers” of marriage.
The problem is , is she breaks her side of the bargain before you met her , then you as a man dont need to honor your side . In other words – if you are a guy whose body count is 1 or 2 , then you deserve a virgin because as a guy you had to get a gatekeeper to allow you to have sex with her.
If she has allowed a man (or men) to have sex with her , then ask her if it would be ok it you have other women on the side which equals the number of men she has slept with.
Like a dent guy said in an earlier post — he couldnt bear the thought of his baby one day passing through the same canal that some other man or mens penises inserted themselves into

Dave
Dave
08/18/2023 4:18 am

Virginity means more to a woman than a man. When a woman loses her virginity to a man she is doing something extremely personal and extremely unnatural ( she is allowing someone to get sexual pleasure from her vagina while hurting her vagina).
This process causes a woman to bond tremendously to a man — most of the time — not always – but most of the time. If that relationship does not work out she will usually develop what is called a “bitterness story” . In other words when she looks back to that relationship she will usually say something negative about it A woman’s virginity isnt actually whats going on between her legs – its whats going on between her ears, The damage isnt done when her hymen is torn – the damage is done when the relationship ends with #1. those circumstances will tattoo her personality for the rest of her life and it WILL change her. It will also (usually) make her less tolerant of men unless she is super naive.
In a nutshell – if you are a guy and you have only slept with 1 or 2 women then you deserve a virgin . Dont settle for anything less. If you have a 3+ body count then unfortunately you deserve a damaged woman.

JW Player
JW Player
08/09/2023 8:16 am

Practical Happiness Author, I would add “stop watching pornography” as the 4th bullet point to your article. My attitude, brain chemistry, partner chemistry, connection, and relationship quality (and fun) completely changed when I stopped watching pornography. Please feel free to delete my previous comments as J Well and JW player as those comments were made under the influence of my pornography usage. I’m sure most guys commenting on your article are consumers of pornography and that is why they cannot overcome retroactive jealousy. Since I stopped watching pornography, I have had so much more chemistry and fun with women. I talk to more women now than I have when I was watching pornography. I don’t even think about a woman’s past anymore. All that I require is that I be honest with her about my past and she be honest about her past and then we just naturally never think about it again. My mental health and attitude towards all women has changed since I stopped watching pornography.

Jake
Jake
01/03/2024 9:35 am
Reply to  JW Player

In watching pornography there is very higher chance to m*sturb*te and some energy you have will use it to execute the feeling of satisfaction and later on you will feel a bit tired because of stimulus from it. Reducing that thing will help your energy to focus on something you do, imagine, after doing that thing, your muscles, your energy, your time are consumed by it and you realize that you always do that every single day? maybe 2 or more per day? them how much energy you have to use now?

Arpit
Arpit
08/03/2023 11:17 pm

This blog is written by a woman for sure infact every blog regarding this is written by women ,as I was going through these types of topics every single topic was in favour of women , a blog mentioned if your boyfriend is not virgin here are some tips how to find it out and he is not good or he might cheat you and in this particular blog if your girlfriend is not virgin it is mentioned forget about her past don’t be orthodox,past is past I mean seriously wtf is wrong ..
Will every thing will favour women only?
Are we guys some sort of pigshit?

AaskashPrakash
AaskashPrakash
09/25/2023 11:50 am
Reply to  Arpit

STRAIGHT FACTS BRO… STRAIGHT FACTS

Ionesco
Ionesco
07/06/2023 4:31 pm

learn Neurolinguistic Programming guys
it’s a very intelligent tool that will teach to avoid yourself getting emotionally attached to a woman especially in the early stages of relationship.

Before you permit yourself to fall in love quote and quote do Due Dilligence just the way a business buyer does BEFORE buying the all/majority of shares in a Limited Liability company.

Ask her friends about her the more the better.
At least 10 different persons half men half women. Ideally 20-30 persons.

Check her Facebook profile, Instagram and so on.

Women who got laid a lot in their past can be screened for in advance there are patterns of similar behaviour/thinking/talking.

And her social circle will tell you in time all you want to know about her if you insist casually from time to time one-on-one with each member of her social circle
Do mention why you want to know about her past to them to get a fair honest answer. (marriage,long term relationship)

no point doing Due Diligence for Friends with Benefits/ONS situation in my opinion

in my opinion ideally a man should date women who are at his level virgin with virgins or maximum just one past partner

and those with multiple past partners should date those with the same multiple past partners

casual meaningless sex can become just as easily an addiction like masturbation or alcohol or porn or drugs especially if the man or woman CAN’T live a full week or even a full Month without it it’s a sign of definitely an addiction going there

Henry
Henry
06/15/2023 5:03 am

Sexual Jealousy is a sign of incompatibility
Solution: Walk away
I don’t see a strong enough reason to subject my self to a life time of endless worry and distress i.e if i should get married to a non virgin. It’s just something I can’t emotionally handle. I prefer a girl less experienced than me.

JW Player
JW Player
06/07/2023 6:53 pm

This happened to me. I just lead her on, treated her bad, and used her for sex for a year. I don’t feel bad and would do it again. Non virgin girls like this reap what they sow.

JMann
JMann
07/23/2023 11:11 pm
Reply to  JW Player

Well he said year – she obviously didn’t mind being used. And yes being a non-virgin outside of marriage is in fact a sin.

Ritika
Ritika
07/28/2023 4:31 pm
Reply to  JW Player

U created her .. u must have wanted it more than her .. biologically men want it more than women .. she gave u what u wanted but that’s all you wanted .. so immature

JW Player
JW Player
08/09/2023 7:00 am
Reply to  JW Player

Yes, I am an animal. But, I know what I want. I do not want non-virgin girls but they want me and that makes me sad. Non-virgin girls are used and damaged goods. No matter how hard they try, they will never be good enough. Used and damaged goods gets treated like used and damaged goods. I wasn’t lucky enough to date a virgin when I was younger. So, I’m using my time to use, manipulate, and discard non-virgin women who will never be good enough for me.

JW Player
JW Player
08/09/2023 8:24 am
Reply to  JW Player

All of these comments are what I used to do and used to think while I was watching pornography. My attitude has changed and my chemistry is better with women since I stopped watching pornography. I don’t even think about a woman’s past after we’ve honestly talked about my past and her past. We talk about past just once and then naturally forget about it because I stopped watching pornography. My mental health, quality of life, quality of relationship has improved 100% since I stopped watching pornography. Truth.

AaskashPrakash
AaskashPrakash
09/25/2023 11:58 am
Reply to  JW Player

You are not an animal, you are true CHAD

AnonymousMan
AnonymousMan
06/04/2023 8:29 am

There is nothing positive about it, I want the best so of course I should idealize it, and the past gives you all your experiences that set your expectations and perspective of the future. Worthless advice, Christian counseling is better. Nothing makes it easy. Why is this so common?

Vmh
Vmh
02/09/2024 10:33 pm
Reply to  AnonymousMan

Because the world we live in is bass ackwards. Even in the so called “Christian”church.

northern
northern
05/22/2023 5:53 am

I would rather stay single for the rest of my life, instead of marring a used woman

greg
greg
06/19/2023 12:13 pm
Reply to  northern

holy shit you must live a miserable life. good god.

Tawsif Shurid
Tawsif Shurid
10/17/2023 3:48 pm
Reply to  greg

no sir, this is indication of a very stable life. independent. not simping.

ToTheEnd
ToTheEnd
12/24/2022 1:02 am

Imagine right, you are a virgin — you worked hard and went though so much stress through life and you got these guys the “players” are having their time with women. your told that “only when you get married you understand” and you say “yes understood”.

then you come to that day I finding the supposed one, you ask her the question “you done it before” and she says “yeah..” well it be like man I wasted my time I did all the hard work whilst others messed around and all I get it is second hand.

you know if your saying “oh accept her past don’t worry about it even if….. she’s had dozens of sex”
my respond would be “okay no problem that’s fine I’ll forget about your past but before we get MARRIED let me have sex with another girl and I’ll come back to you.”

its fair isn’t it? If not, why isn’t it fair? You did before marriage so let us be at the same level what you actually worth. From the way i see it being a virgin means I have self-control, loyalty and trustworthiness. (And most women desire these qualities in men well if not 1 of these). You can award someone that is worth awarding i.e remaining a virgin for your partner or not remaining a virgin because your partner doesn’t deserve it.

as far as I’m concerned, I agree with most of the men in comments. What you’ve written is a disagreement from me — you given them an excuse for the wrong reason, your giving chances to the women who couldn’t keep their legs closed.

Gino
Gino
04/18/2023 1:58 pm
Reply to  ToTheEnd

You never get over it. I’ve been with the same girl for 14 years. I’m married to her and have 2 kids and absolutely love her. But sorry to say it never goes away. Don’t bother bringing it up because it will just upset her. It sucks and you can’t change it but I just keep it in and only think about it sometimes. Sorry to be the bearer of bad news. Just focus on other things. It sucks but just keep it in even though it bothers you

Jordy
Jordy
05/15/2023 8:26 am
Reply to  Gino

I hear ya bud. Been with mine for 19 years, and two kids also. It still bothers me to this day too. I will bring “them” up now and then, which I know isn’t right. Certain things trigger it and have done my best to keep it to myself. But I agree, I don’t think it ever goes away.

Joe
Joe
06/21/2023 1:54 pm
Reply to  Jordy

thanks bro, I have a girlfriend and she is no longer V. and I did everything I could to find different experiences for them with their husbands. based on your experience, it’s also possible that when I stay with a girl who’s not v, I won’t lose my mind about that matter. thank you and I had an idea about my future.

JW Player
JW Player
12/30/2023 9:37 pm
Reply to  Jordy

You can bring up your disappointment to her for years and she will not leave because you have kids. You have total control on the direction of this relationship because you were the virgin and she wasn’t. Keep bringing up the issue if it makes you feel better.

Ryan
Ryan
06/02/2023 4:30 am
Reply to  Gino

This is true. You will never get over it. Sometimes it will leave you, sometimes the monster will go back and haunt you. I have been married to my wife for 13 years as well. When this comes out, I usually struggle, but I just try to ignore and focus on other things. Yeah, getting my own experience sounds interesting…

AnonymousMan
AnonymousMan
06/04/2023 8:33 am
Reply to  Gino

This is soul-crushing tbh… maybe I should leave before it’s too late. It hurts like hell now… I can’t live with this for the rest of my life. Some days I’d rather just be alone.

JW Player
JW Player
12/30/2023 9:37 pm
Reply to  AnonymousMan

Just go through the motions, gain experience, and lead her on for 1 to 2 years. You control the destiny and direction of this relationship because you are the virgin and she is not. Tell her you are happy with the relationship and want to marry her someday. Then dump her later for someone younger/better and or dump her if you still have Retroactive Jealousy.

joe
joe
06/21/2023 1:48 pm
Reply to  Gino

yeah, this is the reality

JW Player
JW Player
12/30/2023 9:33 pm
Reply to  Gino

Yes, you can tell her you how disappointed you are with her past and she is not good enough. Don’t be afraid to disappoint her. You have total control on the direction of the relationship because you where the virgin and she wasn’t. You also have more control on the relationship because you have kids. She will feel guilty but will not leave. I’ve seen posts of virgin guys slut shaming their non virgin women for years and they stay.

Robert
Robert
10/27/2022 6:22 am

Sad to say it is much more likely that her first sex partner is a narcissistic player who is relentless in convincing her to have sex. The”nice guy” that her future husband is does not have the “game” at that age to get her to have sex. You just have to accept it but if you are 25 when meeting it won’t be in the distant past but instead the recent past so the thought in her mind if him will be relatively current so you must be on guard

Dave
Dave
10/25/2022 4:41 am

A woman’s first sec partner is remembered all her life and will hallways have her mindspace. You may be her present lover but you are like the groom and he is like her daddy walking her down aisle and handing her off to you warning you to take care of her or my door is always open. You will never have 100 percent of her sexual mindspace. She could probably be a court witness if his penis had to be described as sometimes happens

John
John
10/16/2022 3:19 am

Pleased to wake up to see that my reply was deleted. The spirit of free and open discussion lives on.

John
John
10/15/2022 7:35 am

So the fact that my first love has been ran through by a truck full of guys is actually a huge positive because she’ll be better in bed? What planet are you on? This article is nothing more than cope, a sorry excuse for a cope. You should delete it. 1. So you think that two virgins who are in love experiencing sex together for the first time like God intended “doesn’t help”? Doesn’t help what? Getting good head? Nothing about your bond with a girl who’s your first and vice versa? Pathetic. 2. Don’t idealise being in a relationship with a woman? Sure. Because it’ll just end after a few weeks like every other relationship. Sound advice ???? really top notch. 3. Leave the past where it belongs safe in the knowledge you’ll just be another one of those guys she blew at a frat party.

Sav
Sav
04/12/2023 7:15 am
Reply to  practicalh

No, I agree with him and I’m not religious. There are huge mental health obstacles that come with having sex in the past. It’s just a dealbreaker. Their outlook towards sex is just skewed and its way less special now.

And don’t act like it isn’t, because it’s literally self explanatory that if you make the decision to have sex with someone while knowing that they will be the only person you will ever have sex with, it’s gonna be far more special, and with that kind of pressure on it you’ll have more reason to stay committed too.

Sex is entirely correlation based and for bonding. I’ll enjoy head more from a girl who saved herself for me but is a little clumsy or inexperienced, over some girl whose sucked other dick dozens of times so she knows the technique. Nah.

She’s going to enjoy and appreciate the time with you far more if she chose you as her only partner and really made that choice for you.

arthur
arthur
09/26/2022 1:46 am

the issue is that when you are a male virgin and get married you feel you did the hard work to earn sex for the first time. However if your wife hints she “fooled around” at her college dorm or girls trip vacation you realize some guy(s) got the same sex that you are getting my being at riight place at right time, everyone drunk and laughing and she was feeling adventurous. t does not seem fair

Arthur
Arthur
09/26/2022 12:53 pm
Reply to  practicalh

She is introverted but came on strong to me in late 80s when I never thought I would lose virginity. I kind of wonder if that was her modus operandI; the quiet girl who cornered and devoured her prey to kind of trap them. We have almost no sex now but at beginning I was intimidated we had so much and she led way and was demanding

arthur
arthur
09/26/2022 1:27 pm
Reply to  practicalh

thanks wil do

Alan
Alan
09/25/2022 2:55 pm

Especially when you do the hard work of getting married and taking care of her you feel you deserve sex. However when you think a guy got intercourse, oral sex etc just by being in right place right time and giving her a few laughs it is disgusting

John
John
10/15/2022 7:38 am
Reply to  Alan

None of these women are producing. The only people reproducing in any significant number are the religious. And they will inherit the earth and won’t have to worry about these late stage civilisation problems.

Sav
Sav
04/12/2023 7:19 am
Reply to  John

I’m not religious and plan on having like 4-6 kids lol, but I share you views on sex, but not for any holy reason, just that it’s really bad for your mental health

Alan
Alan
09/24/2022 3:54 pm

Some virgins in name only. Skilled and experienced with hands and mouth but act the ingenue. My wife was like that as I found out meeting some college dorm mates. Never told her

Jon
Jon
09/21/2022 12:00 pm

Some wives have performed oral sex many times on many guys but still pas themselves off as virgins. My wife being one and it seemed too good to be true the first time but I found out from some colege dorm mates that it was her go to move and probably on double digits. Sign

The past is set in stone
The past is set in stone
09/14/2022 10:35 pm

Greater the love for God, greater the hatred will be when the prayer are not answered

The past is set in stone
The past is set in stone
09/14/2022 10:31 pm

Small fact: Women who married as virgins were less likely to divorce within five years across all three waves of the study/ no comparison.

Jon
Jon
09/21/2022 12:18 pm

They are certainly less sexually adventurous so less likely to crave variety. Probably good fir marriage

Dave
Dave
08/18/2023 4:32 am
Reply to  Jon

But the author of the article said you should forget her past …… You know , forgive and forget and then get sued for divorce because she likes a new flavor of sausage

The past is set in stone
The past is set in stone
09/13/2022 7:56 am

It is very difficult now for us virgins or who believe in the only one, to find a virgin partner. The idea of forgetting his/her past is just an illusion because as time passes, You will only return to your old ways of thinking. It will be stronger than ever and only see disgust. Why we who keep ourselves pure for our one, should not believe that she/he will not do the same sacrifice as we do?

I will never change my mind and I am disgusted by slut

Alan
Alan
09/10/2022 4:16 am

The sad truth if that a woman is more eager and experimental with her first sex partner(s) so you instinctively know that she did acts with him that she probably did not do with you. I remember at university that young women would be much more forward(leaving lovers room in underwear to use bathroom, big PDA make out at breakfast, etc. you could even walk in on gf going down on roomate(I did)and she would not be that embRassed. When you get her at 25 plus she has that out of her system but the first guy(s) got all the “good stuff”

John
John
10/15/2022 7:41 am
Reply to  Alan

And the good news is that after all that shagging she’ll be a loving faithful and loyal wife. Said no one ever.

Dave
Dave
10/18/2022 8:27 am
Reply to  John

And she has conveniently forgotten the two guys she fellated in their car when drunk. You will never know thevtruth

Lee
Lee
08/28/2022 1:17 am

Those three things just sound like something to say to yourself to fool yourself…to cover up how u really feel. It won’t work in the end. You’ll still resent her. If u feel this way about her not being a virgin…nothing will fix it. Best to move on. I felt deeply for my girl but ended up basically disgusted just looking at her. Plus I knew who the guy was before me and he was a total piece of trash…but I wasn’t sure if they slept together.

So that made it worse. I didn’t even have the comfort of not knowing the former guy or liking who the former guy was. It was all a kick in the nuts. Some things u just have to experience to know for sure. I went into the relationship not being sure if I even cared if she was a virgin. Turned out I learned a lot about myself. I cared a helluva lot. I am still sad about it though. I look back now and wish I’d figured something out. I loved her alot. And loved nobody else since.

practicalh
practicalh
08/28/2022 4:45 am
Reply to  Lee

It sounds like you were truly in love. Today’s reality, at least in the secular world, is that if you are only looking for virgin women, you are limiting yourself to a very small percentage of women. And the older you are, and the older the women you meet, the more unrealistic and unfair it is to expect them to be virgins. Just something to keep in mind.

Robin
Robin
09/17/2022 9:32 am
Reply to  practicalh

Here’s something to keep in mind too.. A first time bond is a unique experience for the women. They never forget their first time. You think I give a shit that she is experienced. How is that a positive ? It just reminds me it was not me who thought her. Number 2 was pure stupid, how do you not idolize a relationship. It’s a relationship for God sakes. No one is perfect but this is not a question of character as so much in a special one time experience. I can deal with imperfections but something this special if not spiritual goes way past imperfection. It’s deeper then that. Also what do you mean take it as a lesson and introduction to your sex life… what the hell is that suppose to even mean. Ya we all can perceive a introduction to a sex life… that’s like saying the sky is blue. Ah ya… how the fuck does that help.

Sir I’m not sure if your naive, or a narrassist who thinks he has the answers or perhaps you fell on your head before writing out your ill informed opinions.
But you sir still don’t know the value of viriginty.

Robert
Robert
10/04/2022 9:49 am
Reply to  Robin

Especially if you meet the “first” as I did at a funeral where he was there fir some reason. He was a shapeless wimp with a nothing job yet for some reason my wife had regular and oral sex a few years befire we met. I am athletic tall good job masters degree so I feel it cheapens me. The image of her giving a bj is very sickening

Destiny
Destiny
04/21/2023 9:43 pm
Reply to  Robert

Wouldn’t that make you feel better about yourself though? Because you are so much better than him in every way, and you’re your wife’s LAST and forever, which makes YOU more valuable, no?

Sean Mendicino
Sean Mendicino
05/06/2023 5:04 pm
Reply to  Destiny

No, it means the other guy was her first choice.

Robin
Robin
05/27/2023 9:34 am
Reply to  Destiny

Do you like money ? Why dont you share your last penny with me ? Oh wait Money is very vauleable, something not easily shared…… Do u think sex is cheap ? You know Virginity is not something to be saved for yourself, its saved for your future spouse. It is suppose to be a gift that only they can open and you can say, Its only for you to unwrap, this makes it special, this eliminates lots of problems, it Honors them and in the long term it is better for you. But if your selfish and you like cheap thrills you will then make up excuses like *I choose you to be my last* … Ya sure after you shared it like candy, when you thought about yourself and your selfish desires. Now that Hard working husband has to pay for it. …

so no it does not make me more Valuable, it makes me last choice and someone else first pick.

If a Women cherish, protection, providing, security, stability, loyalty. Then she looks at a mans future. But if a Man cherish, innocence, youthfullness, then He looks at her past..

Dave
Dave
08/18/2023 4:36 am
Reply to  Robin

very well put “If a Women cherish, protection, providing, security, stability, loyalty. Then she looks at a mans future. But if a Man cherish, innocence, youthfullness, then He looks at her past.”

John
John
10/15/2022 7:56 am
Reply to  Robin

Exactly what I thought. I sat there reading this article thinking “what kind of warped individual do you have to be to think like this?” But then again so many people today do indeed think like this. Which reminds me of a great saying. “Just because everyone is doing something, doesn’t mean that it’s a good thing.”

John
John
10/15/2022 7:52 am
Reply to  practicalh

Yeah reaallly unfair isn’t it. Because as men. We’re told that the reality we see is not actually reality at all. That we’re just delusional. That we need to listen and learn and everything we thought was right is actually wrong. Society is tearing itself apart as we speak. There isn’t gonna be a next generation precisely because you think it’s all well and good for women to defile themselves by being “sexually liberated.” Sleeping around, destroying there inner youth, beauty and purity. You think the optimal functioning of sexual dynamics is a Takeshi’s Castle style sexual free for all in our teens twenties and early thirties and then “settle down” and get married to someone and maybe or maybe not have 1 child with her 4 remaining eggs. The definitive societal model.

paili
paili
08/11/2022 4:17 pm

the idea of anothers mans penis being inside your wife first is gross.It is like sharing a used condom. then think about your future baby going down the birth canal where another mans penis has been.The bible was right: wait till you are both maried before having sex.If you do that you can learn together in a cute inocent way.The way god intended. thought I would just share a thought. P.S. bevave like you want your son and daughter to behave

Lee
Lee
08/28/2022 2:31 am
Reply to  paili

Exactly. Point being here is that he IS a virgin. If he wasn’t..who cares? Same boat. But a virgin man forced to think about his wife having rode on another cokk..is just disgusting. People don’t seem to get that this is a big deal to have to deal with. And I was crude about it there cus I know from experience. And this is what a virgin man tortures himself with constantly if he’s with a non virgin. I don’t see how a virgin man or woman can marry a non virgin and still have total respect for them. But hey…maybe it’s just me.

Bpe
Bpe
09/09/2022 12:53 pm
Reply to  Lee

I feel the same way , its DISGUSTING I have to deal with a non virgin, he did not tell me he wasn’t a virgin till after we got married, he says ” he didn’t want to lose me because he knew I would have broken off the engagement, ” No Duhh! He told after 30 years of marriage we married very young w.

Bpe
Bpe
09/09/2022 1:32 pm
Reply to  Lee

True its total disgusting I saved myself for marriage just to find out later he was he gross . I can’t get over it .

John
John
10/15/2022 8:00 am
Reply to  Bpe

Are you still together?

Alan
Alan
09/25/2022 9:53 am
Reply to  Lee

It is much worse if woman not virgin and you are as she is the gatekeeper. She wanted that penis In her. A guy could get lucky but a woman willfully wants it and it is hurtful esp when you waited fir marriage and he did not

Dave
Dave
12/09/2022 9:48 pm
Reply to  Lee

Yeh! I can second this. I was a virgin when I had sex with my first girlfriend. She wasn’t a virgin. I was raised in a Christian household so sex before marriage was a sin to begin with and I had that to deal with but that is another issue. I really wanted to marry the first girl I had sex with and I couldn’t do it because I couldn’t get over the thought of her being with him, that is, her ex. It was just always in my mind. I couldn’t stop thinking about it. Never was able to get past it. I couldn’t propose because of it. I stood outside the jeweller and couldn’t go in, not because I didn’t love her, but because I didn’t want to have to love him and he was pet of the package. As a result, I was tortured and it ruined our relationship and tainted many future relationships. I actually think I would have been better off if I had never met her or had sex before marriage. Big mistake. Major regrets. But, I suppose in a secular world I am just supposed to be mature and get over it. Couldn’t do it though. I was stuck between loving her, hating her past, and having to leave. Sometimes, life just sucks, having sex with a girl who isn’t a virgin for your first time, that will make your life suck. My advice, don’t do it. It isn’t worth it. Peace and love ✌️ ☮️

Ryan
Ryan
06/02/2023 6:09 am
Reply to  Dave

Same here. But I married her. The pain is so much. I regretted meeting her.

M.R.
M.R.
07/28/2022 3:45 pm

It was my first time with my wife 43 years ago a she said I was her first so she had blood which I thought she was a virgin but now just last week she said I was not her first she wait till her time of the month 7 months after we started dating I had been asking her to do it for 4 months she said not till she was married she was a virgin many times to me she made me think she was she lying for years and tricked me for years I was not piss about her doing it I was piss because it broke my trust in her I forgave her but it going take time to trust her and how many other lies are going to come out

practicalh
practicalh
07/28/2022 4:21 pm
Reply to  M.R.

I will not pretend that I know what it feels like to be in your shoes, but if you had 43 years of good life together, it’s really worth looking at hte half or rather 9/10 glass full and focusing on that rather than that specific issue.

Jeri
Jeri
11/19/2023 12:24 pm
Reply to  practicalh

Hello Practicalh,
Stop the hell of telling people, oh you had a great marriage, or whatsoever. The trust broken is broken. She did not have trust in him for 43 years. Could you answer why was she hiding it? If she was in fear for a whole 43 years, fine. Let the dude dont have trust in her now simple.

Daniel
Daniel
07/10/2022 11:44 pm

This is what I have been battling with for months now. Dont know if I will have those memories after having sex with her. Something tells me to sleep with another girl to be even. But still dont now it that will help. My dilemma

Last edited 1 year ago by Daniel
Lee
Lee
08/28/2022 1:54 am
Reply to  practicalh

Bad advice. Don’t talk about it forever? Uh…ok. It’ll always b hanging over their heads. You’re treating this too trivially. Unless you’ve experienced it…u don’t know. Lots of pain is involved. These things break up good relationships all by themselves. Probably because God created us a certain way….and to b a virgin till marriage is that way. It can’t b taken out of SOME of us. Depends on the person. But some feel this pain deeply. If u give yourself a second to think…I think you’ll see it. Man a virgin…woman not a virgin. U marry your best friend in life knowing she has given her body to another man before u. r

It’s traumatizing….again…depending on the individual. I mean…another man has known YOUR WIFE in the most intimate way. It’s not a small thing. Not even close. Primarily because the man is still pure. If he wasnt…it shouldn’t matter. Both fornicated. But that’s not the case. Marriage is a holy thing and it can bring some men to view their woman as something disgusting if she did that. I admit tho…this could b rare. Idk. I just know my whole life was effected by this for the worse because I didn’t fix it. It cut me deeply and the lost love has also cut me deeply. And I could’ve fixed it so easily. Just how I feel…even tho I know I’m being a hypocrite because why would God want me to fix it like that? Doesn’t matter…I still feel it would’ve solved the issue.

Lee
Lee
08/28/2022 1:28 am
Reply to  Daniel

Do u love her? Is every other part of the relationship great? If so…yes…I would say even it with another girl and move on. I wish I did. But it’s too late for me. We broke up over the issue. I’d give anything to go back and fix it. I was stupid. I actually mentioned to her that I should sleep with someone so her and I could move on. She didn’t want me to do it. I shouldn’t have listened. I should’ve did it and told her afterwards. Knowing our deep love…she would’ve forgiven me probably pretty easily. She wasn’t even very adamant that I NOT do it. But I didn’t and we broke up. Nothing but regret since. I ruined my life 25 years ago. U truly don’t know what u got till it’s gone. Life nothing but downhill ever since. And I have ended up angry with God for letting it happen.

Zaz
Zaz
09/01/2022 5:12 am
Reply to  Lee

Hello brother, it seems you know what you are saying. Look man I am in the same situation, I was a virgin but my girlfriend broke her’s with another guy. She really loves me more than I do. She wishes to marry me and have children together. I also want that to happen but cant get the fact that I wasn’t the first. This fucks my mind. I was thinking to fuck other and cheat her to make things even and calm my mind. This is not actually selfish, I am doing this to save our relationship. So basically I have 3 options ACCEPT HER FULLY which I am not able to BREAK UP I love her a lot CHEAT AND MAKE THINGS EVEN I am considering this.

Jon
Jon
10/02/2022 12:01 pm
Reply to  Zaz

a man especially a shy one remembers every woman he has ever been with but I find women can be “forgetful” about a guy from spring break or a business trip or a sorority party. It is possible that you won’t know the whole truth but you have told her everything

Zaz
Zaz
09/01/2022 5:13 am
Reply to  Lee

Can i talk to u personally to learn about my situation and to know your views how can i deal with it.

Lee
Lee
08/28/2022 1:38 am
Reply to  Daniel

What you’re feeling is real and holy and very spiritual. But u can fix it. Don’t end up like me. And nothing anybody says about just GET OVER IT will help. It’s too deep within who u r as a person. It’ll always bother u. Just fix it. Level the field. Unless there are other problems and u guys don’t love eachother. I know it sounds weird to advise somebody to fix it by sleeping with someone else…but here I am 25 years later and completely regretting that I didn’t do exactly that. If it makes u feel better…tell her about it and maybe even breakup with her till it is accomplished. Then move forward with your love.

Alan
Alan
06/08/2022 8:28 am

Any reasonably fit woman is approached by slightly older experienced men with som resources and she is unlikely to have refused them all as she is also curious about sex. The same 25 year old can go his whole life without being approached and if little “game” can easily be a virgin. That is the cause

Alan
Alan
06/10/2022 11:56 am
Reply to  practicalh

I am married 36 yrs but remember it well any girl I was interested in(reserved,decent,starter job) would alway reveal that she “went away” with a slightly older coworker on a business/pleasure weekend and of course had some physicality ). So many opportunities for her.

Alice
Alice
01/23/2018 8:30 pm

I came across this thread accidentally, but I’d like to weigh in on the extremely high numbers of men making comments that any woman who has been intimate prior to a relationship is a ‘whore’ or a ‘slut’.
Firstly, I myself am a 20 year old woman with no sexual experience whatsoever. Not because of religion (as I am not religious) or through lack of pressure from my peers, modern society is highly sexualised, but through personal choice.
I understand entirely desiring a partner who is a virgin, I understand the insecurity of being compared to another person. But that does not make it morally correct to label a woman a whore if she can’t live up to your ideology of women.
Sexuality is something to be explored, by men and women. Nobody should feel pressured to have sex nor should they feel like they shouldn’t be allowed to be intimate with their partner.
As for using women who have had experience, that itself is morally wrong.

Honestly, sex shouldn’t be something that people avoid because they’re afraid of their partner comparing them to somebody else. If you have saved yourself with the desire to have your first time with somebody equally as inexperienced as you then congratulations. But if you leave a relationship solely based on your partner’s previous experiences then the relationship was based on sex, not love.
But if your aspiration is to find yourself a ‘unicorn’, good luck. Despite popular belief, there are people of both genders out there that are virgins. ✌🏻

Alan
Alan
06/10/2022 12:00 pm
Reply to  Alice

True and well said however most reasonably fit social women get a number of unsolicited opportunities to date and have sex by early 20s but men that age must really put self out there and face massive rejections

Lee
Lee
08/28/2022 2:00 am
Reply to  Alice

U took it to the “whore” level. Why? That’s not what it’s about. Pretty sure u missed the point. Nobody said whore. Just a situation where one had sex and one didnt. U blew it up a little extra I think.lol

Robin
Robin
05/29/2023 9:42 am
Reply to  Alice

I agree and understand when you say not to label a woman a whore, agreed.

But you are WRONG when you said it is wrong to leave a relationship soley on previous sex experience.. First you have no right to judge someones Values on Virginity. Sex/ Virginity is not a light subject and for most of history it has not been a trival thing. Respect some ones Vaules on sex that both man and women hold.

Second ! You lack understanding how hard it may be for a man or a women to go through pain about partners sexual past.. There is a condition called Retro Active Jelousy (RJ) or OCD RJ. Its torrment in the mind with obsseive/intrusive thoughts about sexual past, very hard to control. Serious and Real OCD signs that cause mental images, panic attacks, you wake up the thoughts and images are there, you go to sleep the thoughts and images are there. It can ruin ur mental health, it can ruin your partners health, it can ruin you work life. It can ruin your life in general.. things like this need therapy…

Reasons can be that a persons Value on sex/Virginity was so Important to them from adolesence that its so deep in them its like pulling a tree out with its roots out of the ground for them to not care( its a deep Value).. some might have had rejection or childhood neglect and this is why they have retro active jealousy, some might just be more prone to OCD as a whole.

So when u say its wrong to leave just because of sexual past, its because you are actually ignorant.

Last edited 8 months ago by Robin
Vmh
Vmh
02/10/2024 3:45 pm
Reply to  Robin

This is why I ask God for a virgin to avoid all of this.

Lifeis Knife
Lifeis Knife
12/29/2017 10:03 am

Absolutely sick. How can a personal opinion be given in a featured article? Better claim them as ‘personal’ views! And do explain about mental infidelity too! It looks like from your perspective, virginity is more or less ‘PHYSICAL’! Grow up kid! There is something called mental infidelity that plays more vital role than physical. There is a difference between a man going to a prostitute, and a man imagining another woman while he is having sex with his wife, and vice versa (for woman). Stop spreading the shit, if you are not clear what you are speaking about! How many years of life did you lead? And how many married years have you spent? And why being judgemental about individual’s wish? And why taking the sides in an article? And the best flocking part is that, you say, her experience helps the guy! What kinda funky fella are you man/woman? Relate the same in your life and come back with answers! You are free to express opinions, but claim that they are your opinions!

Siam
Siam
01/10/2018 6:28 am
Reply to  Lifeis Knife

Hats off to you. Just by reading that article, I can tell this woman has destroyed her ability to understand what love is and how it is related to two people. When my nonvirgin husband rejected our special wedding night because he claimed to be tired and also first wanted our apartment, I couldn’t help thinking like he was used and pretty much a bone/leftover thrown at me by two women he dated many years before we met. I felt cheated. Loveless women like her think that the partner is jealous of the past. That’s bs. What hit me hard was that I would never be part of the time when he was ready to do that for a woman without excuse. Because of my corpse like behavior and no sleep for two days, he finally forced me to talk about it and that ended up making him suicidal and later suffering in fever.

Before that I wanted help. Online, I came across several men and women suffering with their partners’ past. It is such a serious crisis, but other than them, hardly anyone is paying attention to it.

Brently Bennett
Brently Bennett
12/17/2017 8:03 pm

White men are natural born cucks and BETA male faggots thats why you would agree to something like that. You faggots created feminism then forced it through laws and invasions on the manly men of dark skinned nations because we out bred you queers, Only a desperate loser BETA male would accept a used up woman as a mate.

Vmh
Vmh
02/10/2024 3:47 pm

A little harsh but agreed.

Guest
Guest
10/05/2017 4:43 pm

Here’s a question:
How does a virgin guy feel about a girl who WOULD be a virgin if she wasn’t raped by a past boyfriend? See, I had been through molestation by older men when I was a child. I told my ex-boyfriend this before we started dating so that he’d understand why I didn’t want to sleep with him. I didn’t know he was a predator himself and was/is a psychopath. He had become highly abusive, volatile and controlling of my life BEFORE he raped me. Problem was, at the time, he convinced me that I “wanted” to be raped… that he was “correcting me” to be straight and not asexual. He also kept me from seeing my friends or working late. I had to eat when he wanted to eat, whether I wanted to or not… etc. I am mostly over this past abuse (which I had repressed memories of fighting him off that appeared in therapy). Imagine if you were raped by a bigger guy- who was your friend- and then he repeatedly put it in your head that you wanted to be “corrected” to his sexual orientation. You can go to therapy for it and become functional again but… anyway…
I’m dating someone now who I am falling for. He is a virgin and I can’t bring myself to tell him that I was abused. What does a guy think in that kind of situation?

Unknown
Unknown
10/10/2017 2:11 am
Reply to  Guest

That situation is completely understandable then. If you had no control over it, then there would be no reason to be mad. The other question that would affect how a guy would think would be “how many times did that happen?” If it happened once, then don’t worry about it. You had no control over it. If it was far more than once, then that would be a little scary for a virgin guy. As long as you never encouraged it to happen or wanted it to happen and didn’t let it happen again, then your okay.

Cheese Louis
Cheese Louis
05/25/2017 9:13 pm

Haha!! I hear you. 🙂

mojo
mojo
03/31/2017 7:05 am

But you’re what you’re because of your past! Sex is not just physical. It’s mental too.. You usually have sex with the one you love. Even though a woman moves on with her whatever past, there’s no way she’s going to forget her past and more chances of going back at any point in life!

DatBoyBlue
DatBoyBlue
03/10/2017 7:23 pm

I dont really have opportunities to get girls since I am very busy in Law school and work..
I know I can get a girlfriend as I seem to always catch girls looking at me or checking me out.
I’m just really shy around girls and don’t have the time for them however when I’m done school I will be..
How can I turn my poor situation of being a virgin (also never had a girlfriend) into confidence ????

Who's Chaplae
Who's Chaplae
04/10/2017 7:56 am
Reply to  DatBoyBlue

I want to know that as well.

Siam
Siam
01/10/2018 6:41 am
Reply to  DatBoyBlue

Your situation is not poor. If you do not wish to do that but society wants to make you feel bad about it then it actually means it wants you “raped”. You are actually helping the country and your own future wife with your virginity! Trust me, you will have the wake up call after your marriage if you give up now. Everything starts to make sense only after saying “I do”. So don’t let yourself be raped.

DatBoyBlue
DatBoyBlue
01/12/2018 12:29 pm
Reply to  Siam

How will I ever meet someone though? really.. I feel as if I will be lonely for life or something

Pet Mey
Pet Mey
02/13/2017 3:43 am

no such thing as a male virgin

Anon
Anon
01/21/2023 5:28 pm
Reply to  Pet Mey

I get what you’re saying. The term in it’s original meaning referred to a woman who has never laid with a man.

Bex-kun Gida
Bex-kun Gida
12/29/2016 6:33 pm

I was a virgin before I had sex with my current girlfriend. While we are still dating she told me that she’s not a virgin and because I love her I just accepted it right away because I thought we do not base our love whether we are a virgin or not but after a few months when I open my gf’s messenger and read her old messages with her ex, I was hurt. When she had a relationship with him they were talking about sexual things they even exchange nude pics but my girlfriend didn’t sent a whole body naked just barely half. And their intimate conversations were stabbing me, it really hurts so much.

What concerns me is even we already talked about that issue is I’m still affected and could not get over it. I’m still thinking about it everytime I’m feeling down. What the heck is happening to me? Haha

jjloser14
jjloser14
02/17/2017 2:08 pm
Reply to  Bex-kun Gida

I’m really sorry to see this. That girl has done something really barbaric and awful. You’re a virgin meaning you do have traits of pure loyalty; she has shattered everything and this is what you must do for respect. Either go to Vegas or red light district in Amsterdam, have sex with a few girls (possibly more if she’s had a plenty), take a picture if possible, and tell her about it. And do get mad at her for cheating on you and tell her you would have stayed loyal despite the fact that you had sex with others. Now you know how it feels. (#if possible, try to borrow a large sum of money from her making some sort of excuse to pay for the prostitutes, and never I mean NEVER pay her back) You have rights too as a vigin and they should never be trampled on! Wish you luck and happiness my friend, and if a breakup occurs, it’s for the best. You only deserve the best.

jjloser14
jjloser14
02/17/2017 2:15 pm
Reply to  jjloser14

Another thing, as a virgin the attachment is so strong. You have to deal with never having sex with any other. She on the other hand was fortunate to have the opportunity to enjoy life and have sex with others. She by a means is lucky to come across you, and should have the control to not indulge in anyone else. You must pay her back without her knowing, make sure you attempt to borrow $1000 if possible for something, and let her know after all is said and done. Stay strong and keep your head up high

Дмитрй Яерочин
Дмитрй Яерочин
04/26/2017 7:52 am
Reply to  jjloser14

fantastic ansa, couldnt agree more

Gaurang Sheth
Gaurang Sheth
12/29/2016 10:46 am

Well i am going through similar feeling but story is different i don seem to get an answer.. Well i am Indian guy 32 years and virgin even though i had affair … i do love sex but since India where marriage is big i never thought of doing it to someone. I was engaged to girl with arrange marriage and slowly started feelings for her, I kind of felt indifferent as she came close to me very fast, she got intimate (without sex) in about 2 weeks. In India its not so common as these have been reasons for decline marriages by girls if boys are fast in this case was girl. I thought since age of her is 29 might be the issue and never bothered. I never expected her to be virgin but she kept saying she is virgin. My problem was when she was with me in my private moment i kind of felt she has been comparing or remanding of things which pissed me off later to be revealed she had 7 years relationship and 6 years extreme sexual past with one Muslim guy(To be noted 5 years after their brackup and they would only meet behind doors for an hour and would go apart yes they contact using phone but not so frequent only for this i thing from what i heard from her myself confused as answers have been changing based on what i said). she says guy dumped him and married someone but her story is just not convening, I cant seem to understand what just happened why did i asked her, but that’s what she made me feel. Even though i would prefer, I dont mind non virgin if they understand it was just mistake but here case is beyond my thoughts. they were never gonna get married. they both were looking out for partners and having an affair. guy revealed that he got married and they stopped. Please guide i dont know how do i feel, i react, what should i do ?

jjloser14
jjloser14
02/17/2017 2:20 pm
Reply to  Gaurang Sheth

If she lied about her sex life before you were exclusive, that is absolutely despicable. You should be going to plenty of strip clubs and prostitute (tested) [red light district, vegas are options…], and tell her about the experience a month later

Joshi ji
Joshi ji
03/20/2022 9:19 am
Reply to  Gaurang Sheth

Have plenty of sex with her make a audio recording secretly about whatever she will tell about her past after that break the engagement case 2 , If you are now married to her , Put your Whole property in name of your sister the legally seceded from Hindu join family , then have plenty of sec with her then leave the country make some new girlfreind in new country or Tell your parents to arrange a ugly loyal bride in India back home and have sexy Girlfreids in the new country done . She will feel what you are feeling and understand what scars she gave to you

Total looser
Total looser
06/24/2023 6:51 pm
Reply to  Gaurang Sheth

Almost same for me too , I came to know about after 3 yr of marriage after becoming father of a child now I am feeling very sad betrayed I told her before marriage I disgust women who slept with other man I don’t want that kind of women in my life she acted very innocent told about her bf and nothing happen between them I believed her become I too had a gf , we never had sex we both want to do it after marriage we didn’t even kissed once .she acted so perfect as a virgin in our first night except I didn’t see any emotion on her face that day, she never let me complete sex always stop in middle ,I did every thing to get her aroused it never happened she always find an excuse ,one day she let me do it willingly and she is a supper pro in sex (this is when she get pregnant)
And again same story years with out any sex she never hugged me or touched me with any intimacy . As curious guy I started look into it and I found she was not a vergin,she slept with her ex bf multiple times in multiple hotels room and from there audio recordings I able to understand that she is very much into sex . I gone in to complete depression and suicide thoughts. This evil women still thinks I don’t know about it when I asked her about sexual satisfaction with me she told she is happy with insulting smile on her face , I never did anything wrong I had plenty of opportunities I waited for my one and only ,she is a real manipulator if I comforted her she will make it my mistake she always find complaints in me to toture me every time , I work and provide for her she rarely do anything for me. I don’t know how to leave with her any more

Robin
Robin
09/07/2023 10:01 am
Reply to  Total looser

I am sorry. I want to encourage you but I actually dont have the words, I dont even know how I would react in your situation. My prayers I with you. I hope you come out of this.

Turd
Turd
12/29/2016 7:13 am

The double standard is actually there for a reason. From evolutionary perspective, what women are seeking in a man is strength; somebody who is some combination of physically strong, self-assured, able to shape their environment rather than having the environment shape them, socially dominant, and someone who not only has the ability to acquire valuable assets but also the desire to share those assets with his woman. This stems from the fact that historically sex has always been more expensive for women (i.e., they can get pregnant, have to go through nine months of pregnancy, experience potentially life-threatening childbirth, and then have to raise the child once it is born) while a man can simply move on after a romp in the hay; especially back on the African savannah. A pregnant woman or a women with an infant child on the African savannah had a far lower chance of survival if they didn’t have a man to provide for her and her child and protect them from harm. At the end of the day, it’s all about what works to pass on genes.

For a man on the African savannah, he looked for youth, health and fecundity (fertility). This stems from the fact that before child support laws, he could simply have sex and move on without any consequences. And since passing on your genes is the most important thing, he is attracted to women most able to get pregnant. So a young fertile woman was his best bet. So what do men typically like? Big breasts which are an indication of youth (because old ones sag), long hair which is a sign of health (because malnourished people have brittle hair that breaks off), hourglass figure, high cheek bones, and pouty lips (all signs of high estrogen or fertility). There are numerous other examples too.

But since sex is expensive for women, she gets to choose. This is why a woman can get almost any guy to have sex with her but men have to work at getting a woman to agree to have sex him. And the high quality woman (in terms of youth, health, and fecundity) also historically wanted a man who was generous and would provide her and her offspring with resources and security. So when a man does commit, he wanted to ensure that the woman he was investing his time and resources in was bearing his own children so that his genes were the one’s being passed on and not other other man’s child.

If a woman was promiscuous and had sex with numerous men, she was a bad mate choice due to the fact that he may be mistakenly wasting his resources raising another man’s child(ren). Times may have changed in some perspectives but evolution is a long process and these inbred instincts are deeply rooted which is why most men will have sex with a “slutty girl,” but will never marry or commit to her. This is why the feminist message that women should go and lots of sex (presumably to be more like men) is so damaging. It tells men to be skinny jean wearing pussies (the opposite of what women really want) and women to be whores and sluts (who no man will ever commit to).

And as a quick aside, we both know that if a man and a women who are equally attractive enter a bar and make a bet as to who can get laid first, the woman will always win. She can probably just walk up to a man and say “Wanna fuck me?” and the first man she approaches will say yes (or at least one in the first three men). So when women say that having sex with lots of men is somehow “acting like men,” they are wrong. Men have to work to get sex, women don’t. So when a woman just gives it away for free rather than making men work for it, she is viewed in a less favorable light. Also consider that all people who engage in a lot of casual sex have higher rates of depression and low self-esteem and lower rates of life satisfaction. Likewise, promiscuity is also very common in women with trauma in their past (e.g., rape, molestation, physical and emotional abuse, etc.). So having lots of casual sex it a good indicator that a woman has emotional problems. Not always, but often. Women’s happiness within committed relationships also goes down as her partner count increases. As does her likelihood of getting divorced. So, I think it is a bad idea to encourage women to be promiscuous (or to say her past shouldn’t matter) and to encourage men to date these women. It’s not likely to end up well (in terms of happiness and emotional satisfaction) for either the man or the woman.

Siam
Siam
01/11/2018 12:59 am
Reply to  Turd

That story of yours about passing genes was debunked long time ago by scientists.

J well
J well
12/28/2016 5:05 pm

I agree with pragmatic featured answer part 2. Just use her for sex and move on. You already think she is used and not good enough for you.
So just use her for sex and move on. She has already been used for sex by the last guy. So just use her like the last guy did. No big deal if you hurt her feelings.
I used a non virgin girl, treated her bad afterwards, and that was the best decision I ever made. I wish I could do it to her again.

Ak B
Ak B
02/01/2017 10:45 pm
Reply to  J well

Its hilarious because now she has another conquest story and you do not. You are a loser virgin and must suck in bed because she wouldnt sleep with you again 😂😂😂

J W Player
J W Player
02/02/2017 2:50 pm
Reply to  Ak B

Dude, I’ve been married for a while now. I used and abused non virgins before I was married. That’s what guys should do. The real conquest is using a non virgin and treating her like shit.

J W Player
J W Player
02/02/2017 2:52 pm
Reply to  Ak B

Nothing more satisfying than gaining a non virgins trust and smashing her over time. That is the real conquest.

J W Player
J W Player
09/07/2017 7:13 pm
Reply to  Ak B

I dated the non virgin I used for 1.5 years. She would have broke up with me sooner if I was bad in bed. What a tiny ignorant brain your have. Life must sick for you because you are dumb/ignorant and you can’t help it.

jjloser14
jjloser14
02/17/2017 2:25 pm
Reply to  J well

No one shall tread on Virgins. We go through hell growing up. Enough is enough!

Sean Mendicino
Sean Mendicino
05/06/2023 5:15 pm
Reply to  J well

That is sadistic and awful. I don’t know what to say in this situation, but fuck that. I would rather remain celibate with dignity than stoop to the depraved.

J Well
J Well
06/07/2023 7:33 pm
Reply to  Sean Mendicino

Using non virgins makes me happy. I used and manipulated a couple non virgins and would do it again if they let me. Non virgins are used garbage and disposable. Treating them bad is icing on the cake. Forget dignity, when a girl is not a virgin and doesn’t have anything left to give then it’s time to look out for yourself.

rob lebo
rob lebo
12/27/2016 11:30 am

The question I think is less about the partner’s sexual experience than her attitude toward it. (I’ll just use the female partner as the more sexually experienced in this example.) If she feels that sex is not so important that she doesn’t care if she has it, this might be a problem in the future. If her sexual boundaries are not strong or if her sexual values differ from her partner, then they might be incompatitble. I think it’s not numbers, but attitude, that should be evaluated.

jjloser14
jjloser14
02/17/2017 2:35 pm
Reply to  rob lebo

if she treats you wrong, you go out and have sex. Doesn’t matter time age situation. Separate love from pleasure. No one shall tread on Virgins. We go through hell growing up, publicity is against us, so much prejudice, we are drowned with disrespect and missed growth opportunities. Enough is enough! No one shall tread on Virgins!

Crayven
Crayven
08/03/2017 9:02 am
Reply to  jjloser14

Lol you’re drunk

Otome
Otome
12/19/2016 12:18 am

reply is kinda late but what the heck. I’ve read quite a few of your comments and i 100% agree with you on everything you imply. Waiting for the “one,” the person that you can call your equal and NOT have emotional break downs whenever you talk, look or even think of her is the one that you should marry. Sadly, I’ve kinda fked up. This girl and I started dating about 8 months ago, we were hitting it off so well, to be honest we still are, and after 4 months of dating her we started to become more intimate, talking about more sexual things. Around the 5th month of dating her she told me that she wasn’t a virgin and obviously I’m not one, and it hurts a lot, otherwise i wouldn’t be here. I don’t know how it didn’t come up until the 5th month of dating her, i guess i didn’t ask, i was foolish to think that she was a virgin in the first pace, and i totally blame myself for that. Doesn’t change the fact that i love her very much, she is very dear to me and i cant see that changing. 3 months have passed and it still hurts, it hurts so much that sometimes I’d have to lay down and hold my chest until the pain goes away, but it doesn’t bother me because i think she is “impure” or “un-clean”. But rather, it bothers me that someone has touched her already, they’ve seen her naked and got to do the lewdest things to her, that makes so pissed, I’d want to kill her first (very childish i know) or i regret not meeting her sooner. She is as truthful and loyal as a woman could be and her personality is flawless, not to mention she’s a knockout (of course this is in my opinion) i will not ever dump her, not for anything, and the only reason she broke up with her first was because he cheated on her. the guy doesn’t know how much he fked up to do that to a girl like her, but this was when they both were 18 so i could see why he was dumb af to cheat. I’m going to search until I find a way to stop my childish feelings from destroying the relationship with the girl that I’m madly in love with, and I stumbled upon this site trying to find a way to resolve my childish emotions lol, the site didn’t help at all though… but reading the comments made me really happy to see so much guys going through the same thing I’m going through, makes me feel less “alone” in this situation. But anyways, sorry if i typed my life out mate lol, and thanks (if you ever see this) for the agreeable comments. You know those guys who would say “grow up it’s just sex” or “just get over it”? yeah, those are guys who wouldn’t understand even if their girl cheated on them with 100 men, but you know what’s up, i appreciate people like you.

Sean Mendicino
Sean Mendicino
05/06/2023 5:17 pm
Reply to  Otome

You aren’t a virgin so how can you judge her?