Many guys face this emotional challenge early on in their dating lives before they have had any sexual experience with women and when they are still virgins. They start going out with a girl, they start liking her and develop feelings for her. For one reason or another they assume that the girl is also a virgin. Then – they find out that she is not as “pure” and “innocent” as they are, and as they thought she would be. She is not a virgin. In that situation, a typical guy, who doesn’t have any sexual experience and who is still a virgin, finds it really difficult to get used to the idea that the girl is not as “clean” and innocent as he is. It bothers him that they are not “equal” that way, and he often can’t help but be upset by the fact that another guy has touched her before him or that she simply has more sexual experience than he does. The guy tries to be rational. He realizes that he can’t blame the girl for anything (unless she is known to be a total slut who slept around with dozens of guys), and that she really didn’t do anything wrong by simply having had a few dating and sexual experience in the past. But it still bothers him. He starts “interrogating” the girl, asking her all kinds of invasive questions about her past sex life out of his overwhelming curiosity and jealousy, but this only makes things worse and makes him even angrier and more frustrated – primarily with himself and his inability to conquer his feelings toward the girl’s sexual past and the fact that she is not a virgin like he is, especially if the girl answers his questions.
So, what are the reasons for this frustration?
First, a guy who is a virgin might feel that it’s somewhat unfair that he is “pure” but the girl is not. He might believe that he is giving more than he is receiving when he is a virgin and the girl has already been “used.” Secondly and more importantly, the guy will feel jealous of the fact that the girl who he likes so much has had an intimate experience with another guy, shared some very special moments with someone before she met him, and that for her it would not be as special for her being with him now, as it will be for him to be with her.
This internal battle that the virgin guy might have in this situation is important for him to overcome so he doesn’t ruin an otherwise good situation with the girl that he likes so much and that he can enjoy developing his relationship and sexual intimacy with her. If you are a guy who faces the above challenges, I would like to suggest to you two very effective things that you can do to overcome this problem:
1. Put a positive spin on the fact that the girl is no longer a virgin and has all that sexual experience.
Why? Because it is indeed mostly positive. Her sexual experience will help both of you during the first time that you have sex with her. She might teach you a few things that you wouldn’t have learned from a girl who has never been with a man before. And be assured that it doesn’t help doing it for the first time with a girl who, like you, doesn’t have any experience and doesn’t know what she is doing. It will only make things more difficult for both of you the first time you have sex.
2. Stop idealizing your relationship with her.
You must stop seeking and expecting perfection from every aspect of your dating situation and of the girl you are with. As much as you might like her and be crazy about her, and as much as you might think that she is one of a kind – she is not perfect. Guess what – sooner or later you will realize that just like any other relationship, this dating situation is not perfect either. You will have arguments, fights and other problems. This would sound very cynical, but statistically you will more likely that not break up, and there will many other women in your life after that girl, who was your first sexual partner. This is not a good thing or a bad thing. It is just part of life and part of coming of age for the majority of young men. So, stop worrying or expecting her to be pure and attached.
3. Leave her past where it belongs – in the past.
Leave the girl’s dating and sexual past where it belongs – in the past – and move on. Focus on your present and on the fact that she wants to be with you and you want to be with her. Perceive your interaction and your initial sexual experience with her as a valuable lesson and an introduction to your sex life, and this mindset will serve you well. Benefit from being with your first sexual partner by learning and gaining an experience of your own.
This article is intended for virgin guys currently In a Relationship with a non-virgin girl. This article is not intended for INCELS. Unfortunately, INCELS have wrote most of the comments on this article.
I just realized that the negative comments toward the author practicalh are INCELS. I have been studying INCELS, their logic, and typical comments, and they are really standing out on this article. Sad.
I realized my 9 bullet points below just described and revealed INCELS. No wonder why the negative commenters on this page are antagonistic, annoying, cannot be reasoned with, cannot hold a conversation, and have no intention to contribute to the article. They are INCELS.
I hope the other commenters that are in an ACTUAL RELATIONSHIP find this article useful. I guess my new research will be to study and expose INCELS and their behavior.
After a few years researching this issue, here are the patterns I found in the comments posted by virgin men on this post and other platforms:
1. Virgin men know more than the Author of this article practicalh when they don’t have any experience. LOL. You will notice they never agree with the author’s feedback, always argue, and always complain because they don’t have experience themselves, don’t want to take action, and don’t want to listen.
2. They know it all about Pair Bonding, Oxytocin, Intimacy, and Successful Long Term relationships when they don’t have any experience. LOL
3. They know more than experienced people (including their parents) and successfully married people (like myself) because they have STATISTICS! Again, they don’t have any experience themselves.
4. They only see women as pass/fail objects and commodities like in biblical times 2000 years ago. That’s disgusting. Your Grandma, Mom, and Aunt are not virgins. They are not pass/fail objects and commodities. They are people who improve your life.
5. The comments they write are centered around what they can get out of a relationship and never what they can contribute to a relationship. Take take take and never give. They are only seeking to feed their ego by taking a virgin and never think about what they can contribute to the relationship.
6. They are extremely insecure, defensive, and always have to be right because they have no experience. Insecure men are forever afraid of failure, rejection, competition, and comparison.
7. Experienced men with body counts (like myself) are simps, losers, have weak values, a boy not a man, not grown up, no principles, erroneous, and don’t know what we are talking about. Your Grandpa, Dad, Uncles, and Cousins probably have body counts and experience. Would you call experienced men in your family a simp, loser, and weak man with no principles next time you see them face to face?
8. They are always thinking about themselves and what they can take out of a relationship. It’s in the comments. If they get into a relationship, there will be no empathy and no reciprocation for their unfortunate partner. Just their own gratification and take take take.
9. There is more but I’m not going to keep listing things.
Thank you to the Author practicalh for your contributions. I hope more guys appreciate your work because the virgin guys on here clearly don’t when they constantly argue with you and complain.
I am an experienced man with multiple body count, multiple relationships, and currently happily married for 20 years. There are young guys I know personally that struggle with retroactive jealousy. That’s why I’ve studied this for a few years. But my research is done. This is my last contribution. I’m signing out. Thanks for your time!
Thank you for being the Aurthors personal butt plug ! This Blog comment section lives rent free in your head ! Good bye!
Thank you for proving me right about what I wrote about you. You are part of that endless supply of misogynist, troll, know it all, bitter, virgin guys out there in the world. Sucks to be you.
I am also going to add that you misspelled Author in your comment. LOL. Also, your punctuation spacing is incorrect. LOL. I cannot take you seriously because of the spelling and gramatical errors. Please rejoin your misogynistic and know it all group of bitter virgin men who have theory and statistics instead of an actual woman at your side and stay away from tasks that require spelling.
To: JW Player (Emotional Damage)
I apologize for my mistake, I was not aware that I was writing to the pentagon. I wish you took me seriously, I care so much what you think about me.
I also want to apologize that it stirred you up to reply back days after. I must have really struck a sensitive cord with you. Personally I think you took a pretty good beating online here and it’s caused you to lose sleep over this comment section. Poor guy..even if they were silly opinions I dont think the comment section should live Rent free in your head…
Best Regards,
JollyRancher
#prayforpeace #prayforstrength #yikes #HereWeGoAgain
Rent Free? You are here too. What a hypocrite. Anyways, I cannot find any history of you commenting on this article. You have NOT CONTRIBUTED ANYTHING to this article. Why are you here? You must be a troll. You want to argue, win an argument, and not contribute anything to the article. This is a discussion forum, not a consequence free opportunity to troll.
I thought you said “This is my last contribution. I’m signing out. Thanks for your time!” I thought u said goodbye, ur still here.. yes absoulty this page has taken up real estate in your head.
I also need to add that you are single for a reason. Also, you are a virgin for a reason. It is what it is. Most likely, you are an Incel. You are posting to me because you are single, virgin, and possibly incel. We couldn’t be more opposite. I’m currently married for 20 years and had multiple partners before I met my wife. I will gladly agree to disagree with you. I have been there with real world experience. You have zero experience. Yes, this article must be rent free in your head because you keep coming back for more. You are a typical single virgin hypocrite.
Who said im Single or a Virgin?
You are an Incel. It’s obvious. You are here to antagonize, annoy, and not contribute anything. That is 100% Incel behavior.
Nope, Currently with someone, and Haven’t been a virgin for a very long time. Sorry to piss on your fire.
Anyways you made a very long winded speech about your research and conclusion, I thought you were leaving? Hmmmm….
Well if im a troll I guess your bitting the bait. Hook, Line and Sinker… you just got to be right no matter the cost haha. Your pride is getting the best of you.
#StopWhileYourAtIt #YourNotTheOnlyNonVirgin
#WompWomp
I don’t buy your story. You act like a textbook INCEL. Guys in a relationship don’t act like you do. Guys in a happy relationship don’t act like antagonistic trolls. Guys in a relationship actually add something to this article. It’s about time you admitted you were a troll. No woman wants to be with a guy who is a troll behind closed doors. I hope any woman that crosses your path finds out you are an internet troll behind closed doors. Please come up with a better story. We are not buying it INCEL.
Dont have a story champ, not here to convince you.
#LittleMan
#EverythingIsSnakeOil
#MyOwnPersonalPenPal.
Textbook INCEL confirmed!
#JollyRancherIsAnINCEL
Just Shut up already, he’s taking you for a fool and playing with you, swallow your ego and don’t reply.
JollyRancher is a textbook INCEL.
Go F yourself. I’m not taking orders from you anyway, anytime, anywhere. I don’t have to take orders from you anyway, anytime, anywhere.
#JamesScottIsAPrick
#GoFYourselfJamesScott
Thank you for your thouhts and valuable comment and your kind words. I couldn’t agree more. It’s easy to get defensive and attack the author (me), but it’s so much harder to take a hard, honest look at your own perspective and actions. As you mentioned several times in your comment, it takes actual life experience and reflection on that experience to come to terms with the idea that when it comes to relationships, things are almost never black and white and much flexibility must be exercised in order to have and sustain a long lasting relationship. I realize you mentioned you are done providing feedback on here, but if you ever wish to do a live or recorded video podcast stream, it would be my pleasure to arrange this. We can call it – top misconceptions of men about women, dating & sex – or something like that. If you would like to set it up or have a video discussion about any other topic relating to dating / relationships, please email practicaldating415@gmail.com and I will follow up with you asap.
I would be interested but I work a lot of hours per week. Let me see if I can find some time and I will reach out to you.
Choose – to select someone as being the Best of two or more alternatives.
Your girlfriend chose you because she doesn’t want anybody else. Your girlfriend chose you as being the Best out her current dating pool (Ex included in the pool). You are chosen as the best over her Ex boyfriend.
People choose you because they don’t want anyone else. Attractive people choose who they Want and don’t settle for anybody. When somebody chooses you they are very serious about you and you should take their decision seriously. A girl chose me. I chose her back. We both had pasts. We are still happily together.
Preference – a Greater Liking of one alternative over another.
Your girlfriend prefers you over her Ex. All you have to do at this point is choose her back and treat her well. She will be yours for a long time.
But if you still struggle, please let her go so she can Choose another attractive man that will choose her back. Don’t be like some husbands on this article who are married with kids when they should not have married in the first place. They married their wives while they were struggling with retroactive jealousy and wasted their wife’s prime years away. They took physical prime years their wife will never get back. Their wives could have used their prime physical years on someone who chooses them back.
Preference – a Greater Liking of one alternative over another.
A greater liking of one alternative (you) over the another (ex). She prefers you and likes you more than her Ex. She prefers you and likes you more than any other guy in her dating pool.
Again, if this doesn’t make her good enough for you and you feel she isn’t worthy of you, then let her go. Let her prefer Another attractive man over you. Another attractive man will choose her back while you struggle with being single and think about what if everyday.
That may be a valid point but its very subjective to your Personal Preference. Most Guys on here seem to prefer a virgin women, because there is no competition to begin with, and other valid reasonable views.
You-> Preference – a Greater Liking of one alternative over another.
Guys on here -> Preference – No Competion, no comparision. She only knows you.
(Cant beat a deal like that)
Yes, all virgin guys prefer a virgin girl. Thanks great. No competition, no comparison mindset means the virgin guy is scared, insecure, weak, with a fragile ego. When a girl chooses YOU, she doesn’t want anybody else. You are the ONLY one. She is only focused on YOU like tunnel vision. That’s why you don’t have to compete and don’t get compared when a girl chooses you. You don’t have to compete with anyone and will not get compared because she focuses on YOU and blocks everyone else out of her mind. That’s how girls work. You only get compared and have to compete when a girl settles for you and give more contact time to her other options. There is a difference.
From my experience, I have never had to compete and never been compared because the girl chose to leave her Ex and chose to be with me. I’ve never had to compete and never been compared because I just accepted the girl and began a new journey with her because that what she wanted. After I impressed her, she preferred me over her Ex and every other guy interested in her. I would just break up and leave her if I had to compete and I was compared. That’s how you handle a girl you have to compete for and one that is comparing you.
Why are virgin guys so scared? Non virgin girls just want to take you on a new journey and will help you along the way without judgement if you are honest with them. This is from my experience. Also, most virgin guys watch p*rn. So virgin guys have some knowledge on where to start when getting into physical relationship. If she likes your attitude, chemistry, and energy, she will keep you. If not, then she will lose interest and focus on a new guy.
Your in Error, for one you have a narrow dogmatic view on virgin man. No competition, no comparison does not mean virgin man are afraid, thats a very surface level view. Instead it means that we value Not marrying a slut that can’t pair bond and having us compete with her staying around.
That leads me to my second point on statistic. Eveything you point out is called (OPINION) its your own damn view and exprience. But studies show that statisicilly a women who has more sexual partners is more likely to divorce or cheat, and that statistic goes up as partners go up. It also correlates to sextologist studies that show more sexual partners means lesser ability to bond to long term spouses, as partners go up so does the ablity to pair bond decrease, results in higher divorce. That is a Fact! So its not about being afriad its about being smart and not marrying some hoe that statisicilly is likely to leave you.
So heres the real question, do I listen to some smart ass on the internet whos personal exprience and ill informed opinions is scripture or do I listen to the experts have done their research and collected data to show that marrying one of these hoes is a mistake. I think I will go with the latter.
You virgin guys are cowards to competition. You are afraid to lose. That’s exactly why you want a girl with no experience at all. You are clearly afraid to compete for a girls unconditional love and long term commitment. You will be single for the rest of your life because every attractive girl 18 and over is not a virgin and that doesn’t fit your criteria for a girlfriend. Girls 18 and over are not virgins because girls mature faster than boys and date guys who are 1-3 years older.
In the real world, just like the animal world, you will have to compete for a girls unconditional love and long term commitment. When a girl chooses you, you will have to demonstrate that you can emotionally connect with her better than other guys, demonstrate you treat her better than other guys, and demonstrate you puts her needs first in bed and make her finish every time. If you are good enough, she will reward you with unconditional love and long term commitment. But, you virgin guys are cowards and don’t want to even try find out if you are good enough.
I am a confident athlete who is not afraid to lose. You win some and you lose some. No big deal. Athletes are compared to other athletes (like teammates) on a daily basis and we don’t care. We are not afraid to be compared. You win some, you lose some. But virgin guys like you are afraid to lose. I think that’s the difference between experienced guys like me and virgin guys like you.
You got the whole concept of pair bonding wrong because you live in an ideal, imaginary, delusional, statistical, virgin world. Here is what pair bonding feels and looks like in the real world. I’ve pair bonded a few times in my life.
Pair bonding is a process that actually starts before the sexual relations happen. You need to connect emotionally. You need to playfully and comfortably touch each other in public and around the house. You have to love spending time together and participating in the same activities together, you need to communicate with each other respect, love, and patience. You need to make her feel like she is unconditionally good enough. Finally, you need to put her needs first in bed and make her finish. 80% of guys put their needs first in bed.
You know you have pair bonded when she wants a long term commitment, she doesn’t want anybody else, she introduces you to her family, no contact with her Ex, respects your boundaries, texts you first for everything, spends all of her free time with you, and always talks about the future with you.
It’s ok to want a virgin if you are a virgin yourself. It’s ok not wanting to marry a hoe. A few partners is not a hoe. But you live miserably in a hypothetical, statistical, virtual world where you analyze every girl who crosses your path like the #1 pick in the NFL draft. Your miserable, Lighten up. Virgin or not, you don’t really know who you will connect stronger with emotionally and physically. Life is a journey. Stop looking at women like draft picks your job security depends on.
Beta simp, look up oxytocin, study on what the chemical does during sexual encounters. You dont know what your talking about. Plus Ive noticed you commented all through this blog comment section, you have been getting alot of downvotes on various comments you posted Seems many disagre with your beta stance and dont want hear your loser view of take what I can get, go with flow, dont think just do mindset.
A Guy with a loser mindset and weak values can marry another like minded thinking person but Most people on here seem to agree that we dont want someone that has been passed around. I dont want talk with you anymore, Im wasting my time with a manhoe whos trying to teach me values on sexual intmacy in life and what I should seek in a partner. My values are not your values, you still have some growing up to do. When your grow up, we can have a conversation again, and Ill teach you what it means to be a man of principal and value..remember ignorance can be fixed, but stupid is forever. Goodbye.
Beta Simp definition applies to guys who can’t get girls according to urban dictionary. LOL. Beta Simp definition doesn’t apply to me due to my body count. Swing and a miss with the definition bro. I’m not sure where you are from but experienced men and experienced women I know view virgin men 21+ like you as losers. Also, I can’t learn anything from a virgin guy like you. You don’t have enough experience. LOL. It’s impossible to learn from a person who has no experience.
I’m writing on here to tell delusional virgin men like you commenting on this article what actually happens in the real world. You are an inexperienced virgin who keeps spread false info on the internet about intimacy when you have never experienced intimacy. You delusional virgin guys have false thoughts stewing in your head because you are not in a relationship. After reading this article, all you virgin guys are the from the same ignorant and judgemental mold. LOL. Have a nice life living in your delusional, false, and ideal world where you look at women as nothing more than virgin pass/fail.
I’m enjoying my life. You can live in misery with volatile thoughts swirling in your head on a daily basis. You live a sad existence. I can agree with you on that.
In reality, you got the Beta Simp definition wrong, you ONLY have theory and statistics, and you DO NOT have an attractive woman at your side. It is what it is. You sadly ONLY have theory and statistics and NO experience and NO practice.It is what is what it is.
In reality, you are currently dating theory and statistics and not an actual woman. You have a sad existence. Most guys would rather date an ACTUAL WOMAN as opposed to dating theory and statistics. How can you be a know it all expert when you don’t actually have real world experience?
Please read my 9 bullet points I wrote about you above. You are part of a large group and endless supply of misogynistic, know it all, bitter, judgemental, single, virgin men who don’t have actual experience.
You will be alone for the rest of your life because all attractive women 18 and over are not virgins. They will not fit your virgin/pass fail criteria. This is my most serious comment directed right at you.
https://youtu.be/d7ke-Dhr3y0?si=Iz2NuIDPO5vUH_lj
That looks like a suspicious link. We cannot click on that link. Have you had any IT security training?
Look at your comment below. This is classic INCEL logic. This is an obvious and typical INCEL comment.
Guys on here -> Preference – No Competion, no comparision. She only knows you.
(Cant beat a deal like that)
The page is about Virgin Man with Non Virgin girl. You said you had a past and so did your girl so your statment does not apply to us, nor is it relative to the specififc issue being disscused on the page.
Yes, I do have experience with a few girls and more partners than my girl. But I can tell you from experience, being with a Non Virgin girl who Chooses You and Prefers you over her Ex is awesome and some of you guys are missing out. You don’t know who you are going to have strong chemistry and connection with virgin or not. My girl prefers me over any guy she has been with because our chemistry and connection is stronger than anyone else we have been with. But, it’s sad guys like you won’t give a girl, who is choosing you, just one chance to show you she doesn’t want anybody else.
If I don’t apply to you then married guys like Gino from 4/18/23 should not be commenting on this article either. Gino is married for 14 years and not a virgin anymore. He was a virgin and his wife was not when they met. There are many husbands on here that shouldn’t be commenting either. Gino wasted 14 years of his wife’s prime years. That is the worst thing you can do to your wife. He should have let her go and not married her. She could have been with a non virgin man that would chooser her back and unconditionally love her.
I’ve always wished for A REAL ENCOUNTER OV A GROUP OV OLDER HYPNOTRANCETERNITY HYPNOSHRELOVREY
SEDUCTIVE TRANCEXUBHUREANCEY
LOVELY GROUP OV GAY
MEM WITH HUGER BIG LONGEROHUMPINGLY BIG MASSIVESHIHNUTREXSUMER
SECRETIVE OWNERSHIP OVER MY VICINITY I REALLY DO WISH FOR A GROUP OV OLDER MEN WITH VERY LARGER BIG DICKS
TO ADOPTERINGLUHVEROUER
ROMANCE I GIVE YOU MY PERMISSION TO HAVE YOU GROUP OV GAY MEN HYPNOTISHUEHIOURELY
TAKE ME AS A SUBMISSIVE LOVELY BOY VIRGIN YES
Honestly, as far as i can tell, i don’t know.
I absolutely understand that one’s character is not defined by the amount of intimacy one had in the past.
However, as a virgin myself, for some psychological reason, i cannot shake the feeling that by being intimate with someone who is not in a similar situation, something is being robbed of me, like a part of me being taken away forever and i receive nothing back. To me, the first time i get intimate should be a special one, however i cannot assure that the one intimate with me can feel the same, since to them, it’s just another normal day, and it devastated me hard to know that something i consider so beautiful and special to myself become something so mundane to the ones i love.
I truly don’t know if this is the proper answer to the post, but it is my answer, and somewhere in the back of my mind, i would rather be alone than to have my first be with someone who would treat it as something casual. However sometimes i do get disturbed by such thoughts in a sense.
You might feel isolated because of these thoughts but there are so many man out there that feel exactly this. Love hurts when its shared, love unites people, and when the person you love the most has united with some else in the most intimiate way, ofcourse that is going not only hurt, but in many ways be extremely gut wrenching.
Absolutely true, why we sacrifice for the bitch 🙂
If a girl chooses you then it’s just not some normal mundane everyday thing like you claim it to be. When a girl chooses you her body is changing and adjusting to accept only you. It’s is still special to the experienced person if they chose you. You get commitment in return if you have a positive attitude. You may never believe what I just wrote but I’m just telling you from an experienced man’s prospective on what actually happens in the real world. Honestly with your attitude and intrusive thoughts, women will sense this from you and will never give you an intimacy opportunity anyways.
You are in total control of the direction of the relationship if you are a virgin and your girlfriend is not. I suggest you go through the motions, get experience, and lead her on for 1 to 2 years. Let her know you want to marry her someday to get her to stay. Then, leave her for a better girl or leave her because you are suffering from Retroactive Jealousy. You will never get over Retroactive Jealousy if you stay with your first partner who is not a virgin.
Virginity concept is crap and worthless because people are not 1 time use only. People have rechargeable s*x drives. People have rechargeable body parts. Have you seen a happy couple stop after just 1 time? NO. Have you been attracted to MORE than 1 person in your life? YES.
Virginity concept is also crap and worthless because this person (who has a rechargeable sex) drive is choosing YOU over their Ex’s. And if you have a positive attitude and love them back they will commit to only you and recharge their sex drive for you over and over and over.
If you have an attractive girlfriend who is committed to you, consider yourself lucky. Many men will be lining up to take your place. I wish you the worst of luck going forward if you turn down an attractive woman who has good character.
If Sex was not a big deal then we wouldnt have this conversation. But since the sexual revolution in the late 1960s we are still having issues regarding sexual experiences, maybe if people actually turned on their brain and studied some physiology, maybe then they would learn that sex is too involved in emotions and chemical bonding to just be recerational thing, its a meaningful act of love that is incredibly powerful on the mind and science proves that. Trying to transform meaningfuling things into meaningless pleasure has not be working has it, perhaps its the reason people are hurting and talking about it. People look to their loved one and want to be exclusive to each other, thats called a unifying love, its natrual, thats meaningful, its substance filled. Im sure you have relationships with people that are closer to you then others, thats called a bond, and the closer you are with someone the more exclusive access they have to you, the most secrets are between you and them.
, But people like you then look at sex like its no big deal “Its only all of you involved” you guys are so F***king deprived of natrual basic laws of the universe, what an upside down shit world. People like you disgust me because folks like dont understand wisdom, folks like u give shitty advice that ruins the culture and invdivduals. You are feeding a constant lie that virginity shouldn’t matter throwing aways thousands of years of human values on Intmacy, love, bonding, exclusive meaningful relationships. This generation is so deprived of good, and like a stupid bird that chase shiny things without a damn care in the world how sharp that object will be. Pleasure only seeking deprived upside down generation !
All the crybaby guys on here (including yourself) need to stop being wimps and take advantage of their opportunities with women. Just live life. Life doesn’t have to be that hard. I am very thankful for my experiences with multiple women. You crybaby’s are miserable all of the time. How do you function on a daily basis? Just keep playing the victim card and poor me attitude. I will keep enjoying my opportunities with someone exciting and new that energizes me.
Agreed. The main problem with complaining is that it doesn’t change the bottom line. Either do something or stop complaining.
Ya your only problem with that is conflating that a open dialog on values is complaining.
Having a strong stance on values is how anything gets started. You cant “Do something” without knowing What to do, and that requires talking, talking creates a place of ideas and Ideas help make decisions.
I hope I cleared that up for you.
Look, lacking in wisdom and understanding is nothing to be proud of. If you perfer using people for sexual gradification then your a prime person to develop psychopathy behaviors. You are what you practice. As for me I function just fine, I listen to reason. I dont go around using people for my self gradufication, Im not a like a child who just thinks everything in life is just another fun opportunity, as if life was free of consequences.
You think sex is not a big deal, your just another loser who eats up todays deprived culture, a shallow low resolution thinker. Philosophy would do you some good, maybe you can finally reason why shared sex aint so good on the mind. But you dont do your homework, you clearly dont understand the implications, maybe its because you already fryed your moral compass, maybe you lack the ablity to Seperate the profound from the common. Perhaps your pleasure seeking life has depreived your ability to have deeper intmacy with a women, or your just simple midned.
Sorry but someone has to have a Man to Boy talk with you. Your not 17 any more.
The Men on here are expressing how they feel about a women that have been passed around. These Men understand the value of intmacy, Men don’t easily share whats most precious to them, especially the one they call “other half”,their loved one.. Real Men have serious issues with this, the family Men who refuses to wife up a whore.
But ofcourse for you life is a fun thriller ride, ignorance is bliss tho a Beta Simp is not a virtue.
Man, you are a miserable person. Philosophy and overanalyzing every situation in your life. You are pathetic. I don’t use women. I only pursue women that are attracted to me. I only talk to women who are attracted to me. The women that I am attracted to want me too. So they are trying to get something out of the experience too. I’m attracted to her and she is attracted to me. It is what it is. Just hook up and have a good time. You overanalyze every woman like they are the potential #1 overall in the NFL draft and your job depends getting the pick right. I’m very thankful I took my opportunities with girls I was attracted to and didn’t choose a miserable life of overanalyzing like you. I feel chemistry. She feels chemistry. It is what it is. Make the most of your hook up and smile afterwards. These losers on here, including you, need to step up to the plate when a girl chooses you. There is nothing more exciting than being chosen by a woman.
The simple believes everything, but the prudent gives thought to his steps.
Leave your simple ways, and live, and walk in the way of insight.” Whoever corrects a scoffer gets himself abuse, and he who reproves a wicked man incurs injury. Do not reprove a scoffer, or he will hate you; reprove a wise man, and he will love you.
If a wise man has an argument with a fool, the fool only rages and laughs, and there is no quiet.
Doing wrong is like a joke to a fool, but wisdom is pleasure to a man of understanding.
Like a dog that returns to his vomit is a fool who repeats his folly.
I always reciprocate feelings toward a woman who is attracted to me. What’s wrong with reciprocating feelings? Stop treating women like they are the potential #1 pick in the draft where you have to analyze every aspect of their being before you select them. Just reciprocate the attraction and feelings they have for you and give them a great experience. If are you are compatible they will come back for more and eventually want a relationship with you. You need to stop overanalyzing women and get a life.
The simple believes everything, but the prudent gives thought to his steps.
Leave your simple ways, and live, and walk in the way of insight.” Whoever corrects a scoffer gets himself abuse, and he who reproves a wicked man incurs injury. Do not reprove a scoffer, or he will hate you; reprove a wise man, and he will love you.
If a wise man has an argument with a fool, the fool only rages and laughs, and there is no quiet.
Doing wrong is like a joke to a fool, but wisdom is pleasure to a man of understanding.
Like a dog that returns to his vomit is a fool who repeats his folly.
Dude, you need to speak English. Nobody is going to understand what you just wrote. So why do you put sex on the highest pedestal? Why do the discontent men commenting on this article put sex on a pedestal? I don’t validate my manhood and measure my life based on how many women I’ve been with. I measure my life based on my work, quality of life, connecting with people interested in me, and quality to relationships.
Also, why is it so difficult for you to reciprocate feelings back to a woman who is interested in you? That’s a basic human behavior. You are like some robot who doesn’t feel empathy. You just feel judgement and analysis. How do you function on a day to say basis when you put virginity on a pedestal, obsess about virginity, and obsess about sex? This is not mentally healthy. I don’t understand how guys like you can function on a daily basis when all you do is obsess about sex and overanalyze every woman that crosses your path. Again, this is not mentally healthy. I don’t put sex on a pedestal and I just live my life. I try to connect with people who are interested in me. There is nothing wrong with that.
#DaveisanIncel
After reading your comments again, you absolutely stand out as an INCEL. Why are INCELS so attracted to this article?
I am also going to say virginity concept is crap because women’s bodies re-tighten and return back to normal after sex. When a woman chooses you, her body adjusts to give you maximum pleasure and, trust me, you will feel the difference. That’s why committed couples have sex on a regular basis and the husbands keep coming back for more. Happy committed couples don’t just stop after the first time. They keep coming back for more. The wife’s body re-tightens and the husband keeps initiating the next day. Husbands keep coming back for more because her body feels as good as the last time. The wife chooses the husband and her body adjusts to her husband to make him feel maximum pleasure.
Jazakallah. This blog provides a candid exploration of the emotional challenges some guys face when discovering their partner’s sexual history. Islam encourages chastity and purity before marriage, but also emphasizes forgiveness and repentance for past actions, valuing a person’s character and faith over their past experiences.
My girlfriend told me later in 6months of our relationship that she had sex with her ex but no matter how much I love her,I have never got over that, it hurts me so much. What am I going to do about it. Is it right to stay because I love her or rather I honor my sexual values
I had the somewhat same scenario and i try to forget about it but it kept eating me inside and we had a lot of fights and we eventually broke up. Let her go if it hurts you or let her lies go
Leave her bro u don’t don’t deserve the pain it never go way
Just go through the motions, gain experience, and lead her on for 1 to 2 years. You control the destiny and direction of this relationship because you are the virgin and she is not. Tell her you are happy with the relationship and want to marry her someday. Then dump her later for someone younger/better and or dump her if you still have Retroactive Jealousy.
Ah…..so my take from this as a non-virgin woman is, DO NOT DATE A VIRGIN MAN BECAUSE MY ABUNDANCE OF EXPERIENCE WILL MAKE HIM FEEL SMALL……When I lost my virginity, it was to a man who was not a virgin. And it literally wasn’t an issue. I never asked him any questions about his past. Was never jealous of other women he had been with, none of that. I honestly don’t see what the serious issue is outside of a virgin man’s fragile ego. Maybe once he gets over himself, he’ll be able to finally get off with someone other than himself. Because the way I see it, 2 virgins going at it seems really fumbly and clumsy. Someone Has to have some experience in order for it to flow. And if it’s the man with the experience, praise the lord above. But if it’s the woman who has the experience, damn her to hell. Ugh. This thread made me wanna puke
YOUR EXPERIENCE WILL NOT MAKE HIM FEEL SMALL BUT IT WILL DEFINITELY MAKE YOU A SLUT WHO SLEPT WITH WHOLE COLONY.
It’s about exploring everything together it’s not men feel insecure or small it about how a hoe treat some one inexperienced and live in her past not seeing what her partner do. it about laying thought out the time they are together and continue to be a hoe if you are that good jest say you had a live in relationships it,s better to marry a divorced than a hoe .man preffer divorced women more than a hoe
Leave her past? Shut up whoever you are.
Just like how a dude’s future is concerned, a girls past should also be considered, I cannot marry a h0e
Tell me how many women are virgins on their wedding day? Tf is wrong with you, stop giving people wrong infos
If you want a virgin girl then it’s your preference, periodt👍🏽
bro, i was really thinking that something was wrong with ME. And it’s “normal” to NOT expect your spouse to be virgin. But this comment section shows what’s “normal”
I came to know about after 3 yr of marriage after becoming father of a child now I am feeling very sad betrayed I told her before marriage I disgust women who slept with other man I don’t want that kind of women in my life she acted very innocent told about her bf and nothing happen between them I believed her become I too had a gf , we never had sex we both want to do it after marriage we didn’t even kissed once .she acted so perfect as a virgin in our first night except I didn’t see any emotion on her face that day, she never let me complete sex always stop in middle ,I did every thing to get her aroused it never happened she always find an excuse ,one day she let me do it willingly and she is a supper pro in sex (this is when she get pregnant)
And again same story years with out any sex she never hugged me or touched me with any intimacy . As curious guy I started look into it and I found she was not a vergin,she slept with her ex bf multiple times in multiple hotels room and from there audio recordings I able to understand that she is very much into sex . I gone in to complete depression and suicide thoughts. This women still thinks I don’t know about it when I asked her about sexual satisfaction with me she told she is happy with insulting smile on her face , and one during fight she told me he was a better man than me .I never did anything wrong I had plenty of opportunities I waited for my one and only ,she is a real manipulator if I comforted her she will make it my mistake she always find complaints in me to toture me every time , I work and provide for her she rarely do anything for me. I don’t know how to leave with her any more.
If I don’t go to a prostitute or slept with other women’s what make people like you think I want to marry a prostitute
Dont think of suicide bro. You’ve got a child.
Don’t leave your children with this bitch
Women are the “Gate-Keepers” of sex
Men are the “Gate-Keepers” of marriage.
The problem is , is she breaks her side of the bargain before you met her , then you as a man dont need to honor your side . In other words – if you are a guy whose body count is 1 or 2 , then you deserve a virgin because as a guy you had to get a gatekeeper to allow you to have sex with her.
If she has allowed a man (or men) to have sex with her , then ask her if it would be ok it you have other women on the side which equals the number of men she has slept with.
Like a dent guy said in an earlier post — he couldnt bear the thought of his baby one day passing through the same canal that some other man or mens penises inserted themselves into
Virginity means more to a woman than a man. When a woman loses her virginity to a man she is doing something extremely personal and extremely unnatural ( she is allowing someone to get sexual pleasure from her vagina while hurting her vagina).
This process causes a woman to bond tremendously to a man — most of the time — not always – but most of the time. If that relationship does not work out she will usually develop what is called a “bitterness story” . In other words when she looks back to that relationship she will usually say something negative about it A woman’s virginity isnt actually whats going on between her legs – its whats going on between her ears, The damage isnt done when her hymen is torn – the damage is done when the relationship ends with #1. those circumstances will tattoo her personality for the rest of her life and it WILL change her. It will also (usually) make her less tolerant of men unless she is super naive.
In a nutshell – if you are a guy and you have only slept with 1 or 2 women then you deserve a virgin . Dont settle for anything less. If you have a 3+ body count then unfortunately you deserve a damaged woman.
Practical Happiness Author, I would add “stop watching pornography” as the 4th bullet point to your article. My attitude, brain chemistry, partner chemistry, connection, and relationship quality (and fun) completely changed when I stopped watching pornography. Please feel free to delete my previous comments as J Well and JW player as those comments were made under the influence of my pornography usage. I’m sure most guys commenting on your article are consumers of pornography and that is why they cannot overcome retroactive jealousy. Since I stopped watching pornography, I have had so much more chemistry and fun with women. I talk to more women now than I have when I was watching pornography. I don’t even think about a woman’s past anymore. All that I require is that I be honest with her about my past and she be honest about her past and then we just naturally never think about it again. My mental health and attitude towards all women has changed since I stopped watching pornography.
Thanks for sharing your experience. I can imagine that any guys who quits porn even for a few days or a week can feel tremendous difference in his approach / appreciation of women that can lead to some very positive developments in real life interactions with women, including seeing beauty in person where it might have been overlooked before, among many other benefits.
In watching pornography there is very higher chance to m*sturb*te and some energy you have will use it to execute the feeling of satisfaction and later on you will feel a bit tired because of stimulus from it. Reducing that thing will help your energy to focus on something you do, imagine, after doing that thing, your muscles, your energy, your time are consumed by it and you realize that you always do that every single day? maybe 2 or more per day? them how much energy you have to use now?
This blog is written by a woman for sure infact every blog regarding this is written by women ,as I was going through these types of topics every single topic was in favour of women , a blog mentioned if your boyfriend is not virgin here are some tips how to find it out and he is not good or he might cheat you and in this particular blog if your girlfriend is not virgin it is mentioned forget about her past don’t be orthodox,past is past I mean seriously wtf is wrong ..
Will every thing will favour women only?
Are we guys some sort of pigshit?
STRAIGHT FACTS BRO… STRAIGHT FACTS
learn Neurolinguistic Programming guys
it’s a very intelligent tool that will teach to avoid yourself getting emotionally attached to a woman especially in the early stages of relationship.
Before you permit yourself to fall in love quote and quote do Due Dilligence just the way a business buyer does BEFORE buying the all/majority of shares in a Limited Liability company.
Ask her friends about her the more the better.
At least 10 different persons half men half women. Ideally 20-30 persons.
Check her Facebook profile, Instagram and so on.
Women who got laid a lot in their past can be screened for in advance there are patterns of similar behaviour/thinking/talking.
And her social circle will tell you in time all you want to know about her if you insist casually from time to time one-on-one with each member of her social circle
Do mention why you want to know about her past to them to get a fair honest answer. (marriage,long term relationship)
no point doing Due Diligence for Friends with Benefits/ONS situation in my opinion
in my opinion ideally a man should date women who are at his level virgin with virgins or maximum just one past partner
and those with multiple past partners should date those with the same multiple past partners
casual meaningless sex can become just as easily an addiction like masturbation or alcohol or porn or drugs especially if the man or woman CAN’T live a full week or even a full Month without it it’s a sign of definitely an addiction going there
Sexual Jealousy is a sign of incompatibility
Solution: Walk away
I don’t see a strong enough reason to subject my self to a life time of endless worry and distress i.e if i should get married to a non virgin. It’s just something I can’t emotionally handle. I prefer a girl less experienced than me.
This happened to me. I just lead her on, treated her bad, and used her for sex for a year. I don’t feel bad and would do it again. Non virgin girls like this reap what they sow.
Well he said year – she obviously didn’t mind being used. And yes being a non-virgin outside of marriage is in fact a sin.
U created her .. u must have wanted it more than her .. biologically men want it more than women .. she gave u what u wanted but that’s all you wanted .. so immature
Yes, I am an animal. But, I know what I want. I do not want non-virgin girls but they want me and that makes me sad. Non-virgin girls are used and damaged goods. No matter how hard they try, they will never be good enough. Used and damaged goods gets treated like used and damaged goods. I wasn’t lucky enough to date a virgin when I was younger. So, I’m using my time to use, manipulate, and discard non-virgin women who will never be good enough for me.
All of these comments are what I used to do and used to think while I was watching pornography. My attitude has changed and my chemistry is better with women since I stopped watching pornography. I don’t even think about a woman’s past after we’ve honestly talked about my past and her past. We talk about past just once and then naturally forget about it because I stopped watching pornography. My mental health, quality of life, quality of relationship has improved 100% since I stopped watching pornography. Truth.
You are not an animal, you are true CHAD
There is nothing positive about it, I want the best so of course I should idealize it, and the past gives you all your experiences that set your expectations and perspective of the future. Worthless advice, Christian counseling is better. Nothing makes it easy. Why is this so common?
Because the world we live in is bass ackwards. Even in the so called “Christian”church.
I would rather stay single for the rest of my life, instead of marring a used woman
holy shit you must live a miserable life. good god.
no sir, this is indication of a very stable life. independent. not simping.
I agree. You can never get over this. I have been married for 14 years to a non-virgin wife. I was a virgin. I am going through a punishment for a sin I did not commit. Life sucks. There is no way back for me.
Imagine right, you are a virgin — you worked hard and went though so much stress through life and you got these guys the “players” are having their time with women. your told that “only when you get married you understand” and you say “yes understood”.
then you come to that day I finding the supposed one, you ask her the question “you done it before” and she says “yeah..” well it be like man I wasted my time I did all the hard work whilst others messed around and all I get it is second hand.
you know if your saying “oh accept her past don’t worry about it even if…..
she’s had dozens of sex”my respond would be “okay no problem that’s fine I’ll forget about your past but before we get MARRIED let me have sex with another girl and I’ll come back to you.”
its fair isn’t it? If not, why isn’t it fair? You did before marriage so let us be at the same level what you actually worth. From the way i see it being a virgin means I have self-control, loyalty and trustworthiness. (And most women desire these qualities in men well if not 1 of these). You can award someone that is worth awarding i.e remaining a virgin for your partner or not remaining a virgin because your partner doesn’t deserve it.
as far as I’m concerned, I agree with most of the men in comments. What you’ve written is a disagreement from me — you given them an excuse for the wrong reason, your giving chances to the women who couldn’t keep their legs closed.
I appreciate where you and many guys are coming from. I suppose it very much depends on each man’s personal and religious views and attitudes. I think the answer to your question as to why you suggested isn’t fair is obvious – there is a difference between having a past v intentionally trying to be “even” with someone after you met them and decided that you would like to date them. What is the point of being on “the same level” unless it’s out of some type of spite? There are important ways to get even with people. This doesn’t seem like the one that would serve any good purpose.
You never get over it. I’ve been with the same girl for 14 years. I’m married to her and have 2 kids and absolutely love her. But sorry to say it never goes away. Don’t bother bringing it up because it will just upset her. It sucks and you can’t change it but I just keep it in and only think about it sometimes. Sorry to be the bearer of bad news. Just focus on other things. It sucks but just keep it in even though it bothers you
I hear ya bud. Been with mine for 19 years, and two kids also. It still bothers me to this day too. I will bring “them” up now and then, which I know isn’t right. Certain things trigger it and have done my best to keep it to myself. But I agree, I don’t think it ever goes away.
thanks bro, I have a girlfriend and she is no longer V. and I did everything I could to find different experiences for them with their husbands. based on your experience, it’s also possible that when I stay with a girl who’s not v, I won’t lose my mind about that matter. thank you and I had an idea about my future.
You can bring up your disappointment to her for years and she will not leave because you have kids. You have total control on the direction of this relationship because you were the virgin and she wasn’t. Keep bringing up the issue if it makes you feel better.
This is true. You will never get over it. Sometimes it will leave you, sometimes the monster will go back and haunt you. I have been married to my wife for 13 years as well. When this comes out, I usually struggle, but I just try to ignore and focus on other things. Yeah, getting my own experience sounds interesting…
This is soul-crushing tbh… maybe I should leave before it’s too late. It hurts like hell now… I can’t live with this for the rest of my life. Some days I’d rather just be alone.
Just go through the motions, gain experience, and lead her on for 1 to 2 years. You control the destiny and direction of this relationship because you are the virgin and she is not. Tell her you are happy with the relationship and want to marry her someday. Then dump her later for someone younger/better and or dump her if you still have Retroactive Jealousy.
yeah, this is the reality
Yes, you can tell her you how disappointed you are with her past and she is not good enough. Don’t be afraid to disappoint her. You have total control on the direction of the relationship because you where the virgin and she wasn’t. You also have more control on the relationship because you have kids. She will feel guilty but will not leave. I’ve seen posts of virgin guys slut shaming their non virgin women for years and they stay.
Is your wife the only person you have been with? You didn’t mention that. If you have had only 1 partner your whole life then I can understand how you would suffer in silence and the pain will never go away. I’ve had multiple partners before my wife and that is why I have never struggled regarding this issue. My wife also has a past but I have been with more people.
Sad to say it is much more likely that her first sex partner is a narcissistic player who is relentless in convincing her to have sex. The”nice guy” that her future husband is does not have the “game” at that age to get her to have sex. You just have to accept it but if you are 25 when meeting it won’t be in the distant past but instead the recent past so the thought in her mind if him will be relatively current so you must be on guard
A woman’s first sec partner is remembered all her life and will hallways have her mindspace. You may be her present lover but you are like the groom and he is like her daddy walking her down aisle and handing her off to you warning you to take care of her or my door is always open. You will never have 100 percent of her sexual mindspace. She could probably be a court witness if his penis had to be described as sometimes happens
Pleased to wake up to see that my reply was deleted. The spirit of free and open discussion lives on.
We are all for free and open discussion but we are trying to keep insults / unproductive comments that doens’t serve the reader out. You are welcome to repost keeping that in mind. Thanks in advance.
So the fact that my first love has been ran through by a truck full of guys is actually a huge positive because she’ll be better in bed? What planet are you on? This article is nothing more than cope, a sorry excuse for a cope. You should delete it. 1. So you think that two virgins who are in love experiencing sex together for the first time like God intended “doesn’t help”? Doesn’t help what? Getting good head? Nothing about your bond with a girl who’s your first and vice versa? Pathetic. 2. Don’t idealise being in a relationship with a woman? Sure. Because it’ll just end after a few weeks like every other relationship. Sound advice ???? really top notch. 3. Leave the past where it belongs safe in the knowledge you’ll just be another one of those guys she blew at a frat party.
What you say only applies to certain men (and women) who want to follow their God’s word closely. The reality of the majority of secular people in the modern, western world is detached from this type of approach. You may criticize the way things are today in the west and deservedly so, but that’s a different question.
No, I agree with him and I’m not religious. There are huge mental health obstacles that come with having sex in the past. It’s just a dealbreaker. Their outlook towards sex is just skewed and its way less special now.
And don’t act like it isn’t, because it’s literally self explanatory that if you make the decision to have sex with someone while knowing that they will be the only person you will ever have sex with, it’s gonna be far more special, and with that kind of pressure on it you’ll have more reason to stay committed too.
Sex is entirely correlation based and for bonding. I’ll enjoy head more from a girl who saved herself for me but is a little clumsy or inexperienced, over some girl whose sucked other dick dozens of times so she knows the technique. Nah.
She’s going to enjoy and appreciate the time with you far more if she chose you as her only partner and really made that choice for you.
the issue is that when you are a male virgin and get married you feel you did the hard work to earn sex for the first time. However if your wife hints she “fooled around” at her college dorm or girls trip vacation you realize some guy(s) got the same sex that you are getting my being at riight place at right time, everyone drunk and laughing and she was feeling adventurous. t does not seem fair
That feeling is understandeable, but you will have to ask yourself, especially if it’s years later – is it worth it and is it fair to her and to yourself to get stuck on this if you otherwise really like each other and have a lot of good things going on between the two of you. Each man will have to make his own call.
She is introverted but came on strong to me in late 80s when I never thought I would lose virginity. I kind of wonder if that was her modus operandI; the quiet girl who cornered and devoured her prey to kind of trap them. We have almost no sex now but at beginning I was intimidated we had so much and she led way and was demanding
Sounds like a really, really ancient history between the two of you. I obviously don’t know the whole story, but perhaps focusing on many of the good things that happened between the two of you since and letting this go is a good option at this point.
thanks wil do
Especially when you do the hard work of getting married and taking care of her you feel you deserve sex. However when you think a guy got intercourse, oral sex etc just by being in right place right time and giving her a few laughs it is disgusting
None of these women are producing. The only people reproducing in any significant number are the religious. And they will inherit the earth and won’t have to worry about these late stage civilisation problems.
I’m not religious and plan on having like 4-6 kids lol, but I share you views on sex, but not for any holy reason, just that it’s really bad for your mental health
Some virgins in name only. Skilled and experienced with hands and mouth but act the ingenue. My wife was like that as I found out meeting some college dorm mates. Never told her
Some wives have performed oral sex many times on many guys but still pas themselves off as virgins. My wife being one and it seemed too good to be true the first time but I found out from some colege dorm mates that it was her go to move and probably on double digits. Sign
Greater the love for God, greater the hatred will be when the prayer are not answered
Small fact: Women who married as virgins were less likely to divorce within five years across all three waves of the study/ no comparison.
They are certainly less sexually adventurous so less likely to crave variety. Probably good fir marriage
But the author of the article said you should forget her past …… You know , forgive and forget and then get sued for divorce because she likes a new flavor of sausage
It is very difficult now for us virgins or who believe in the only one, to find a virgin partner. The idea of forgetting his/her past is just an illusion because as time passes, You will only return to your old ways of thinking. It will be stronger than ever and only see disgust. Why we who keep ourselves pure for our one, should not believe that she/he will not do the same sacrifice as we do?
I will never change my mind and I am disgusted by slut
The sad truth if that a woman is more eager and experimental with her first sex partner(s) so you instinctively know that she did acts with him that she probably did not do with you. I remember at university that young women would be much more forward(leaving lovers room in underwear to use bathroom, big PDA make out at breakfast, etc. you could even walk in on gf going down on roomate(I did)and she would not be that embRassed. When you get her at 25 plus she has that out of her system but the first guy(s) got all the “good stuff”
And the good news is that after all that shagging she’ll be a loving faithful and loyal wife. Said no one ever.
And she has conveniently forgotten the two guys she fellated in their car when drunk. You will never know thevtruth
Those three things just sound like something to say to yourself to fool yourself…to cover up how u really feel. It won’t work in the end. You’ll still resent her. If u feel this way about her not being a virgin…nothing will fix it. Best to move on. I felt deeply for my girl but ended up basically disgusted just looking at her. Plus I knew who the guy was before me and he was a total piece of trash…but I wasn’t sure if they slept together.
So that made it worse. I didn’t even have the comfort of not knowing the former guy or liking who the former guy was. It was all a kick in the nuts. Some things u just have to experience to know for sure. I went into the relationship not being sure if I even cared if she was a virgin. Turned out I learned a lot about myself. I cared a helluva lot. I am still sad about it though. I look back now and wish I’d figured something out. I loved her alot. And loved nobody else since.
It sounds like you were truly in love. Today’s reality, at least in the secular world, is that if you are only looking for virgin women, you are limiting yourself to a very small percentage of women. And the older you are, and the older the women you meet, the more unrealistic and unfair it is to expect them to be virgins. Just something to keep in mind.
Here’s something to keep in mind too.. A first time bond is a unique experience for the women. They never forget their first time. You think I give a shit that she is experienced. How is that a positive ? It just reminds me it was not me who thought her. Number 2 was pure stupid, how do you not idolize a relationship. It’s a relationship for God sakes. No one is perfect but this is not a question of character as so much in a special one time experience. I can deal with imperfections but something this special if not spiritual goes way past imperfection. It’s deeper then that. Also what do you mean take it as a lesson and introduction to your sex life… what the hell is that suppose to even mean. Ya we all can perceive a introduction to a sex life… that’s like saying the sky is blue. Ah ya… how the fuck does that help.
Sir I’m not sure if your naive, or a narrassist who thinks he has the answers or perhaps you fell on your head before writing out your ill informed opinions.
But you sir still don’t know the value of viriginty.
Especially if you meet the “first” as I did at a funeral where he was there fir some reason. He was a shapeless wimp with a nothing job yet for some reason my wife had regular and oral sex a few years befire we met. I am athletic tall good job masters degree so I feel it cheapens me. The image of her giving a bj is very sickening
Wouldn’t that make you feel better about yourself though? Because you are so much better than him in every way, and you’re your wife’s LAST and forever, which makes YOU more valuable, no?
No, it means the other guy was her first choice.
Imagine that you are her first choice and you date the girl for a year. Then, she chooses not to be with you, commit to another man, and commit to a better man, for the next 30 years. This is why the FIRST CHOICE argument is CRAP.
There is always an available man better than you. That is why women don’t stay with their first choice 90% of the time. Women are only concerned with the Current Man and the Best Available Man not their first choice who is not in their past. I’m not sure if you knew this, but women move on.
Let me revise my statistics. According to Marriage.com only 25% of women marry their first love. First Choice is the same thing as first love.
75% of women don’t marry their first choice aka first love.
75% of women find a better man than their first choice.
75% of women care about who is current, best, and forever.
I don’t want to be the first love if I only have a 25% chance of staying and 75% chance of her leaving and marrying someone else.
Do you like money ? Why dont you share your last penny with me ? Oh wait Money is very vauleable, something not easily shared…… Do u think sex is cheap ? You know Virginity is not something to be saved for yourself, its saved for your future spouse. It is suppose to be a gift that only they can open and you can say, Its only for you to unwrap, this makes it special, this eliminates lots of problems, it Honors them and in the long term it is better for you. But if your selfish and you like cheap thrills you will then make up excuses like *I choose you to be my last* … Ya sure after you shared it like candy, when you thought about yourself and your selfish desires. Now that Hard working husband has to pay for it. …
so no it does not make me more Valuable, it makes me last choice and someone else first pick.
If a Women cherish, protection, providing, security, stability, loyalty. Then she looks at a mans future. But if a Man cherish, innocence, youthfullness, then He looks at her past..
very well put “If a Women cherish, protection, providing, security, stability, loyalty. Then she looks at a mans future. But if a Man cherish, innocence, youthfullness, then He looks at her past.”
Wow, its unfortunate your comment is highly disliked. Your comment is very true and the delusional men on here refuse to see how valuable your wife committing 30+ years only to YOU really is. Those are valuable prime years she is commiting to YOU that she will never get back. I have a past myself and time/years is most valuable to me. Life is unpredictable and short.
Why don’t you just separate and divorce your wife based on irreconcilable differences? You are not a slave. Nobody owns you and is telling you that you have to stay. You should have not married until you had a past yourself. I have a past and I’m married and I’m totally fine with my wife having a past too.
Exactly what I thought. I sat there reading this article thinking “what kind of warped individual do you have to be to think like this?” But then again so many people today do indeed think like this. Which reminds me of a great saying. “Just because everyone is doing something, doesn’t mean that it’s a good thing.”
Yeah reaallly unfair isn’t it. Because as men. We’re told that the reality we see is not actually reality at all. That we’re just delusional. That we need to listen and learn and everything we thought was right is actually wrong. Society is tearing itself apart as we speak. There isn’t gonna be a next generation precisely because you think it’s all well and good for women to defile themselves by being “sexually liberated.” Sleeping around, destroying there inner youth, beauty and purity. You think the optimal functioning of sexual dynamics is a Takeshi’s Castle style sexual free for all in our teens twenties and early thirties and then “settle down” and get married to someone and maybe or maybe not have 1 child with her 4 remaining eggs. The definitive societal model.
the idea of anothers mans penis being inside your wife first is gross.It is like sharing a used condom. then think about your future baby going down the birth canal where another mans penis has been.The bible was right: wait till you are both maried before having sex.If you do that you can learn together in a cute inocent way.The way god intended. thought I would just share a thought. P.S. bevave like you want your son and daughter to behave
Exactly. Point being here is that he IS a virgin. If he wasn’t..who cares? Same boat. But a virgin man forced to think about his wife having rode on another cokk..is just disgusting. People don’t seem to get that this is a big deal to have to deal with. And I was crude about it there cus I know from experience. And this is what a virgin man tortures himself with constantly if he’s with a non virgin. I don’t see how a virgin man or woman can marry a non virgin and still have total respect for them. But hey…maybe it’s just me.
I feel the same way , its DISGUSTING I have to deal with a non virgin, he did not tell me he wasn’t a virgin till after we got married, he says ” he didn’t want to lose me because he knew I would have broken off the engagement, ” No Duhh! He told after 30 years of marriage we married very young w.
True its total disgusting I saved myself for marriage just to find out later he was he gross . I can’t get over it .
Are you still together?
It is much worse if woman not virgin and you are as she is the gatekeeper. She wanted that penis In her. A guy could get lucky but a woman willfully wants it and it is hurtful esp when you waited fir marriage and he did not
Yeh! I can second this. I was a virgin when I had sex with my first girlfriend. She wasn’t a virgin. I was raised in a Christian household so sex before marriage was a sin to begin with and I had that to deal with but that is another issue. I really wanted to marry the first girl I had sex with and I couldn’t do it because I couldn’t get over the thought of her being with him, that is, her ex. It was just always in my mind. I couldn’t stop thinking about it. Never was able to get past it. I couldn’t propose because of it. I stood outside the jeweller and couldn’t go in, not because I didn’t love her, but because I didn’t want to have to love him and he was pet of the package. As a result, I was tortured and it ruined our relationship and tainted many future relationships. I actually think I would have been better off if I had never met her or had sex before marriage. Big mistake. Major regrets. But, I suppose in a secular world I am just supposed to be mature and get over it. Couldn’t do it though. I was stuck between loving her, hating her past, and having to leave. Sometimes, life just sucks, having sex with a girl who isn’t a virgin for your first time, that will make your life suck. My advice, don’t do it. It isn’t worth it. Peace and love ✌️ ☮️
Same here. But I married her. The pain is so much. I regretted meeting her.
It was my first time with my wife 43 years ago a she said I was her first so she had blood which I thought she was a virgin but now just last week she said I was not her first she wait till her time of the month 7 months after we started dating I had been asking her to do it for 4 months she said not till she was married she was a virgin many times to me she made me think she was she lying for years and tricked me for years I was not piss about her doing it I was piss because it broke my trust in her I forgave her but it going take time to trust her and how many other lies are going to come out
I will not pretend that I know what it feels like to be in your shoes, but if you had 43 years of good life together, it’s really worth looking at hte half or rather 9/10 glass full and focusing on that rather than that specific issue.
Hello Practicalh,
Stop the hell of telling people, oh you had a great marriage, or whatsoever. The trust broken is broken. She did not have trust in him for 43 years. Could you answer why was she hiding it? If she was in fear for a whole 43 years, fine. Let the dude dont have trust in her now simple.
This is what I have been battling with for months now. Dont know if I will have those memories after having sex with her. Something tells me to sleep with another girl to be even. But still dont now it that will help. My dilemma
Sleeping with another girl to get “even” is a bad idea. It’s not like you are trying to get even becuase she cheated on you. If you like this girl and you see a potential for a serious relationship with her, that you don’t want to ruin – getting even isn’t going to do anything good. The best way to overcome this issue is to (1) not talk about it; (2) let time do its work. Eventually, in will be in your far back mirror.
Bad advice. Don’t talk about it forever? Uh…ok. It’ll always b hanging over their heads. You’re treating this too trivially. Unless you’ve experienced it…u don’t know. Lots of pain is involved. These things break up good relationships all by themselves. Probably because God created us a certain way….and to b a virgin till marriage is that way. It can’t b taken out of SOME of us. Depends on the person. But some feel this pain deeply. If u give yourself a second to think…I think you’ll see it. Man a virgin…woman not a virgin. U marry your best friend in life knowing she has given her body to another man before u. r
It’s traumatizing….again…depending on the individual. I mean…another man has known YOUR WIFE in the most intimate way. It’s not a small thing. Not even close. Primarily because the man is still pure. If he wasnt…it shouldn’t matter. Both fornicated. But that’s not the case. Marriage is a holy thing and it can bring some men to view their woman as something disgusting if she did that. I admit tho…this could b rare. Idk. I just know my whole life was effected by this for the worse because I didn’t fix it. It cut me deeply and the lost love has also cut me deeply. And I could’ve fixed it so easily. Just how I feel…even tho I know I’m being a hypocrite because why would God want me to fix it like that? Doesn’t matter…I still feel it would’ve solved the issue.
Do u love her? Is every other part of the relationship great? If so…yes…I would say even it with another girl and move on. I wish I did. But it’s too late for me. We broke up over the issue. I’d give anything to go back and fix it. I was stupid. I actually mentioned to her that I should sleep with someone so her and I could move on. She didn’t want me to do it. I shouldn’t have listened. I should’ve did it and told her afterwards. Knowing our deep love…she would’ve forgiven me probably pretty easily. She wasn’t even very adamant that I NOT do it. But I didn’t and we broke up. Nothing but regret since. I ruined my life 25 years ago. U truly don’t know what u got till it’s gone. Life nothing but downhill ever since. And I have ended up angry with God for letting it happen.
Hello brother, it seems you know what you are saying. Look man I am in the same situation, I was a virgin but my girlfriend broke her’s with another guy. She really loves me more than I do. She wishes to marry me and have children together. I also want that to happen but cant get the fact that I wasn’t the first. This fucks my mind. I was thinking to fuck other and cheat her to make things even and calm my mind. This is not actually selfish, I am doing this to save our relationship. So basically I have 3 options ACCEPT HER FULLY which I am not able to BREAK UP I love her a lot CHEAT AND MAKE THINGS EVEN I am considering this.
a man especially a shy one remembers every woman he has ever been with but I find women can be “forgetful” about a guy from spring break or a business trip or a sorority party. It is possible that you won’t know the whole truth but you have told her everything
Can i talk to u personally to learn about my situation and to know your views how can i deal with it.
Of course, happy to try to help with your situation. Please refer for next steps to this page https://www.practicalhappiness.com/dating-coaching/
I look forward to speaking with you.
What you’re feeling is real and holy and very spiritual. But u can fix it. Don’t end up like me. And nothing anybody says about just GET OVER IT will help. It’s too deep within who u r as a person. It’ll always bother u. Just fix it. Level the field. Unless there are other problems and u guys don’t love eachother. I know it sounds weird to advise somebody to fix it by sleeping with someone else…but here I am 25 years later and completely regretting that I didn’t do exactly that. If it makes u feel better…tell her about it and maybe even breakup with her till it is accomplished. Then move forward with your love.
Any reasonably fit woman is approached by slightly older experienced men with som resources and she is unlikely to have refused them all as she is also curious about sex. The same 25 year old can go his whole life without being approached and if little “game” can easily be a virgin. That is the cause
Yeap, that’s just the long standing harsh reality of the difference dating as a guy v a woman.
I am married 36 yrs but remember it well any girl I was interested in(reserved,decent,starter job) would alway reveal that she “went away” with a slightly older coworker on a business/pleasure weekend and of course had some physicality ). So many opportunities for her.
I came across this thread accidentally, but I’d like to weigh in on the extremely high numbers of men making comments that any woman who has been intimate prior to a relationship is a ‘whore’ or a ‘slut’.
Firstly, I myself am a 20 year old woman with no sexual experience whatsoever. Not because of religion (as I am not religious) or through lack of pressure from my peers, modern society is highly sexualised, but through personal choice.
I understand entirely desiring a partner who is a virgin, I understand the insecurity of being compared to another person. But that does not make it morally correct to label a woman a whore if she can’t live up to your ideology of women.
Sexuality is something to be explored, by men and women. Nobody should feel pressured to have sex nor should they feel like they shouldn’t be allowed to be intimate with their partner.
As for using women who have had experience, that itself is morally wrong.
Honestly, sex shouldn’t be something that people avoid because they’re afraid of their partner comparing them to somebody else. If you have saved yourself with the desire to have your first time with somebody equally as inexperienced as you then congratulations. But if you leave a relationship solely based on your partner’s previous experiences then the relationship was based on sex, not love.
But if your aspiration is to find yourself a ‘unicorn’, good luck. Despite popular belief, there are people of both genders out there that are virgins. ✌🏻
True and well said however most reasonably fit social women get a number of unsolicited opportunities to date and have sex by early 20s but men that age must really put self out there and face massive rejections
Thanks, Alan. Yes, that appears to be the nature of things, especially at that age.
U took it to the “whore” level. Why? That’s not what it’s about. Pretty sure u missed the point. Nobody said whore. Just a situation where one had sex and one didnt. U blew it up a little extra I think.lol
I agree and understand when you say not to label a woman a whore, agreed.
But you are WRONG when you said it is wrong to leave a relationship soley on previous sex experience.. First you have no right to judge someones Values on Virginity. Sex/ Virginity is not a light subject and for most of history it has not been a trival thing. Respect some ones Vaules on sex that both man and women hold.
Second ! You lack understanding how hard it may be for a man or a women to go through pain about partners sexual past.. There is a condition called Retro Active Jelousy (RJ) or OCD RJ. Its torrment in the mind with obsseive/intrusive thoughts about sexual past, very hard to control. Serious and Real OCD signs that cause mental images, panic attacks, you wake up the thoughts and images are there, you go to sleep the thoughts and images are there. It can ruin ur mental health, it can ruin your partners health, it can ruin you work life. It can ruin your life in general.. things like this need therapy…
Reasons can be that a persons Value on sex/Virginity was so Important to them from adolesence that its so deep in them its like pulling a tree out with its roots out of the ground for them to not care( its a deep Value).. some might have had rejection or childhood neglect and this is why they have retro active jealousy, some might just be more prone to OCD as a whole.
So when u say its wrong to leave just because of sexual past, its because you are actually ignorant.
This is why I ask God for a virgin to avoid all of this.
Absolutely sick. How can a personal opinion be given in a featured article? Better claim them as ‘personal’ views! And do explain about mental infidelity too! It looks like from your perspective, virginity is more or less ‘PHYSICAL’! Grow up kid! There is something called mental infidelity that plays more vital role than physical. There is a difference between a man going to a prostitute, and a man imagining another woman while he is having sex with his wife, and vice versa (for woman). Stop spreading the shit, if you are not clear what you are speaking about! How many years of life did you lead? And how many married years have you spent? And why being judgemental about individual’s wish? And why taking the sides in an article? And the best flocking part is that, you say, her experience helps the guy! What kinda funky fella are you man/woman? Relate the same in your life and come back with answers! You are free to express opinions, but claim that they are your opinions!
Hats off to you. Just by reading that article, I can tell this woman has destroyed her ability to understand what love is and how it is related to two people. When my nonvirgin husband rejected our special wedding night because he claimed to be tired and also first wanted our apartment, I couldn’t help thinking like he was used and pretty much a bone/leftover thrown at me by two women he dated many years before we met. I felt cheated. Loveless women like her think that the partner is jealous of the past. That’s bs. What hit me hard was that I would never be part of the time when he was ready to do that for a woman without excuse. Because of my corpse like behavior and no sleep for two days, he finally forced me to talk about it and that ended up making him suicidal and later suffering in fever.
Before that I wanted help. Online, I came across several men and women suffering with their partners’ past. It is such a serious crisis, but other than them, hardly anyone is paying attention to it.
White men are natural born cucks and BETA male faggots thats why you would agree to something like that. You faggots created feminism then forced it through laws and invasions on the manly men of dark skinned nations because we out bred you queers, Only a desperate loser BETA male would accept a used up woman as a mate.
A little harsh but agreed.
Here’s a question:
How does a virgin guy feel about a girl who WOULD be a virgin if she wasn’t raped by a past boyfriend? See, I had been through molestation by older men when I was a child. I told my ex-boyfriend this before we started dating so that he’d understand why I didn’t want to sleep with him. I didn’t know he was a predator himself and was/is a psychopath. He had become highly abusive, volatile and controlling of my life BEFORE he raped me. Problem was, at the time, he convinced me that I “wanted” to be raped… that he was “correcting me” to be straight and not asexual. He also kept me from seeing my friends or working late. I had to eat when he wanted to eat, whether I wanted to or not… etc. I am mostly over this past abuse (which I had repressed memories of fighting him off that appeared in therapy). Imagine if you were raped by a bigger guy- who was your friend- and then he repeatedly put it in your head that you wanted to be “corrected” to his sexual orientation. You can go to therapy for it and become functional again but… anyway…
I’m dating someone now who I am falling for. He is a virgin and I can’t bring myself to tell him that I was abused. What does a guy think in that kind of situation?
That situation is completely understandable then. If you had no control over it, then there would be no reason to be mad. The other question that would affect how a guy would think would be “how many times did that happen?” If it happened once, then don’t worry about it. You had no control over it. If it was far more than once, then that would be a little scary for a virgin guy. As long as you never encouraged it to happen or wanted it to happen and didn’t let it happen again, then your okay.
Haha!! I hear you. 🙂
But you’re what you’re because of your past! Sex is not just physical. It’s mental too.. You usually have sex with the one you love. Even though a woman moves on with her whatever past, there’s no way she’s going to forget her past and more chances of going back at any point in life!
I dont really have opportunities to get girls since I am very busy in Law school and work..
I know I can get a girlfriend as I seem to always catch girls looking at me or checking me out.
I’m just really shy around girls and don’t have the time for them however when I’m done school I will be..
How can I turn my poor situation of being a virgin (also never had a girlfriend) into confidence ????
I want to know that as well.
Your situation is not poor. If you do not wish to do that but society wants to make you feel bad about it then it actually means it wants you “raped”. You are actually helping the country and your own future wife with your virginity! Trust me, you will have the wake up call after your marriage if you give up now. Everything starts to make sense only after saying “I do”. So don’t let yourself be raped.
How will I ever meet someone though? really.. I feel as if I will be lonely for life or something
no such thing as a male virgin
I get what you’re saying. The term in it’s original meaning referred to a woman who has never laid with a man.
I was a virgin before I had sex with my current girlfriend. While we are still dating she told me that she’s not a virgin and because I love her I just accepted it right away because I thought we do not base our love whether we are a virgin or not but after a few months when I open my gf’s messenger and read her old messages with her ex, I was hurt. When she had a relationship with him they were talking about sexual things they even exchange nude pics but my girlfriend didn’t sent a whole body naked just barely half. And their intimate conversations were stabbing me, it really hurts so much.
What concerns me is even we already talked about that issue is I’m still affected and could not get over it. I’m still thinking about it everytime I’m feeling down. What the heck is happening to me? Haha
I’m really sorry to see this. That girl has done something really barbaric and awful. You’re a virgin meaning you do have traits of pure loyalty; she has shattered everything and this is what you must do for respect. Either go to Vegas or red light district in Amsterdam, have sex with a few girls (possibly more if she’s had a plenty), take a picture if possible, and tell her about it. And do get mad at her for cheating on you and tell her you would have stayed loyal despite the fact that you had sex with others. Now you know how it feels. (#if possible, try to borrow a large sum of money from her making some sort of excuse to pay for the prostitutes, and never I mean NEVER pay her back) You have rights too as a vigin and they should never be trampled on! Wish you luck and happiness my friend, and if a breakup occurs, it’s for the best. You only deserve the best.
Another thing, as a virgin the attachment is so strong. You have to deal with never having sex with any other. She on the other hand was fortunate to have the opportunity to enjoy life and have sex with others. She by a means is lucky to come across you, and should have the control to not indulge in anyone else. You must pay her back without her knowing, make sure you attempt to borrow $1000 if possible for something, and let her know after all is said and done. Stay strong and keep your head up high
fantastic ansa, couldnt agree more
Well i am going through similar feeling but story is different i don seem to get an answer.. Well i am Indian guy 32 years and virgin even though i had affair … i do love sex but since India where marriage is big i never thought of doing it to someone. I was engaged to girl with arrange marriage and slowly started feelings for her, I kind of felt indifferent as she came close to me very fast, she got intimate (without sex) in about 2 weeks. In India its not so common as these have been reasons for decline marriages by girls if boys are fast in this case was girl. I thought since age of her is 29 might be the issue and never bothered. I never expected her to be virgin but she kept saying she is virgin. My problem was when she was with me in my private moment i kind of felt she has been comparing or remanding of things which pissed me off later to be revealed she had 7 years relationship and 6 years extreme sexual past with one Muslim guy(To be noted 5 years after their brackup and they would only meet behind doors for an hour and would go apart yes they contact using phone but not so frequent only for this i thing from what i heard from her myself confused as answers have been changing based on what i said). she says guy dumped him and married someone but her story is just not convening, I cant seem to understand what just happened why did i asked her, but that’s what she made me feel. Even though i would prefer, I dont mind non virgin if they understand it was just mistake but here case is beyond my thoughts. they were never gonna get married. they both were looking out for partners and having an affair. guy revealed that he got married and they stopped. Please guide i dont know how do i feel, i react, what should i do ?
If she lied about her sex life before you were exclusive, that is absolutely despicable. You should be going to plenty of strip clubs and prostitute (tested) [red light district, vegas are options…], and tell her about the experience a month later
Have plenty of sex with her make a audio recording secretly about whatever she will tell about her past after that break the engagement case 2 , If you are now married to her , Put your Whole property in name of your sister the legally seceded from Hindu join family , then have plenty of sec with her then leave the country make some new girlfreind in new country or Tell your parents to arrange a ugly loyal bride in India back home and have sexy Girlfreids in the new country done . She will feel what you are feeling and understand what scars she gave to you
Almost same for me too , I came to know about after 3 yr of marriage after becoming father of a child now I am feeling very sad betrayed I told her before marriage I disgust women who slept with other man I don’t want that kind of women in my life she acted very innocent told about her bf and nothing happen between them I believed her become I too had a gf , we never had sex we both want to do it after marriage we didn’t even kissed once .she acted so perfect as a virgin in our first night except I didn’t see any emotion on her face that day, she never let me complete sex always stop in middle ,I did every thing to get her aroused it never happened she always find an excuse ,one day she let me do it willingly and she is a supper pro in sex (this is when she get pregnant)
And again same story years with out any sex she never hugged me or touched me with any intimacy . As curious guy I started look into it and I found she was not a vergin,she slept with her ex bf multiple times in multiple hotels room and from there audio recordings I able to understand that she is very much into sex . I gone in to complete depression and suicide thoughts. This evil women still thinks I don’t know about it when I asked her about sexual satisfaction with me she told she is happy with insulting smile on her face , I never did anything wrong I had plenty of opportunities I waited for my one and only ,she is a real manipulator if I comforted her she will make it my mistake she always find complaints in me to toture me every time , I work and provide for her she rarely do anything for me. I don’t know how to leave with her any more
I am sorry. I want to encourage you but I actually dont have the words, I dont even know how I would react in your situation. My prayers I with you. I hope you come out of this.
The double standard is actually there for a reason. From evolutionary perspective, what women are seeking in a man is strength; somebody who is some combination of physically strong, self-assured, able to shape their environment rather than having the environment shape them, socially dominant, and someone who not only has the ability to acquire valuable assets but also the desire to share those assets with his woman. This stems from the fact that historically sex has always been more expensive for women (i.e., they can get pregnant, have to go through nine months of pregnancy, experience potentially life-threatening childbirth, and then have to raise the child once it is born) while a man can simply move on after a romp in the hay; especially back on the African savannah. A pregnant woman or a women with an infant child on the African savannah had a far lower chance of survival if they didn’t have a man to provide for her and her child and protect them from harm. At the end of the day, it’s all about what works to pass on genes.
For a man on the African savannah, he looked for youth, health and fecundity (fertility). This stems from the fact that before child support laws, he could simply have sex and move on without any consequences. And since passing on your genes is the most important thing, he is attracted to women most able to get pregnant. So a young fertile woman was his best bet. So what do men typically like? Big breasts which are an indication of youth (because old ones sag), long hair which is a sign of health (because malnourished people have brittle hair that breaks off), hourglass figure, high cheek bones, and pouty lips (all signs of high estrogen or fertility). There are numerous other examples too.
But since sex is expensive for women, she gets to choose. This is why a woman can get almost any guy to have sex with her but men have to work at getting a woman to agree to have sex him. And the high quality woman (in terms of youth, health, and fecundity) also historically wanted a man who was generous and would provide her and her offspring with resources and security. So when a man does commit, he wanted to ensure that the woman he was investing his time and resources in was bearing his own children so that his genes were the one’s being passed on and not other other man’s child.
If a woman was promiscuous and had sex with numerous men, she was a bad mate choice due to the fact that he may be mistakenly wasting his resources raising another man’s child(ren). Times may have changed in some perspectives but evolution is a long process and these inbred instincts are deeply rooted which is why most men will have sex with a “slutty girl,” but will never marry or commit to her. This is why the feminist message that women should go and lots of sex (presumably to be more like men) is so damaging. It tells men to be skinny jean wearing pussies (the opposite of what women really want) and women to be whores and sluts (who no man will ever commit to).
And as a quick aside, we both know that if a man and a women who are equally attractive enter a bar and make a bet as to who can get laid first, the woman will always win. She can probably just walk up to a man and say “Wanna fuck me?” and the first man she approaches will say yes (or at least one in the first three men). So when women say that having sex with lots of men is somehow “acting like men,” they are wrong. Men have to work to get sex, women don’t. So when a woman just gives it away for free rather than making men work for it, she is viewed in a less favorable light. Also consider that all people who engage in a lot of casual sex have higher rates of depression and low self-esteem and lower rates of life satisfaction. Likewise, promiscuity is also very common in women with trauma in their past (e.g., rape, molestation, physical and emotional abuse, etc.). So having lots of casual sex it a good indicator that a woman has emotional problems. Not always, but often. Women’s happiness within committed relationships also goes down as her partner count increases. As does her likelihood of getting divorced. So, I think it is a bad idea to encourage women to be promiscuous (or to say her past shouldn’t matter) and to encourage men to date these women. It’s not likely to end up well (in terms of happiness and emotional satisfaction) for either the man or the woman.
That story of yours about passing genes was debunked long time ago by scientists.