Few qualities are more unattractive in a person and are unhealthy to a romantic relationship or even casual dating than jealousy. Jealousy leads to insecurity, anger, unfounded and unnecessary fights in relationships and painful break-ups for no good reason. Thus, learning how to overcome and abandon jealousy can be critical to having a good dating life and romantic relationships that last.
I remember asking one of my female classmates to go out dancing. We have been talking and studying together once in a while. She had a boyfriend and she knew I had a girlfriend. My behavior around her was not flirtatious or suggestive in any way and I was definitely not interested in her sexually. Also, we were going with a group of classmates so it wouldn’t just be me and her. In other words, there was no reason to suspect that I was romantically interested in her or that she will be in any kind of “bad” situation. Despite that, her response to my invitation to go dancing was very surprising to me. She told me that she couldn’t go because her boyfriend wouldn’t allow her to go to a club with anyone, unless he was coming as well, and he didn’t want to go. It wasn’t that I was the problem for her boyfriend. She couldn’t go out without him at all, even with her girlfriends. I was kind of shocked to hear that the guy was expecting that from his girlfriend and that she was actually ok with that. There was so much I wanted to tell her about this, but I didn’t know where to start.
Jealousy is one of the worst poisons to any relationship. The devastating effects of jealousy are twofold: first, jealousy ruins good communication between people, causing a multitude of unfounded arguments and fights; secondly, jealousy conveys some of the most unattractive qualities in a jealous person such as lack of confidence and insecurity which are some of the biggest turn offs for both men and women.
Jealousy and irrational suspicion of your dating partner loyalty indicate insecurity in a person’s self-worth and lack of confidence in his ability to attract and keep a partner interested. A lover who suspects his partner of unfaithfulness without having real evidence of that will literally “terrorize” him by questioning and constantly treating him as a suspect of the crime of cheating. This is one of the reasons that overcoming jealousy is critical to both maintaining a good relationship and saving the one that’s one the brink of break up because of jealousy.
Ironically, we are more likely be jealous and let it adversely affect our behavior, if the relationship is otherwise great, and if we are particularly happy with our partner and know that the relationship we are in is great and isn’t easy to find or replace. Our jealousy and possessiveness is thus a side effect of our desire not to lose something that is special and very precious to us. And the more precious our partner is to us, the more carefully we guard him / her by being jealous. That concern and fear of loss of someone great and special leads us to over-protecting it. Being suspicious, showing lack of trust, and questioning your partner way too much about his whereabouts in an investigating manner cause unnecessary arguments and fights are all consequences of jealousy. Don’t let this happen to you – don’t let your jealousy sabotage a good relationship.
If you believe that you subject your partner to jealousy for no rational reason, start working on overcoming it immediately. Eliminating jealousy is not a quick process. Jealousy is a trait of character, a frame of mind and an emotion. As such – getting rid of it is a gradual process that requires work, self-reflection, patience, and persistence. The good news is that the rewards of dealing with and overcoming jealousy will likely keep you free of jealousy for the rest of your life and will make your future relationships much more successful and much less likely to fall apart because of your possessiveness and tendency to be too controlling.
So, what are the steps that you can take to deal with and overcome jealousy and possessiveness?
The first and the most important step in dealing with jealousy is, like with many other issues is recognizing that you have a problem and admitting it to yourself and to your partner. Most people who have jealousy issues are in denial and refuse to admit that their behavior and perception are irrational and their lack of trust is unsubstantiated by any real facts. Recognizing that you have a problem is essential to your motivation to work on it and to your success in overcoming jealousy. Once you have passed this crucial first step and have recognized that you are jealous, I suggest that you adopt the following, proven-to-be-effective beliefs. These beliefs will gradually eliminate your jealousy and all of its manifestations:
Become aware and accept the fact that whether you trust the person you are with or not, whether you question his actions or not, and whether you “spy” on him has no positive effect on his behavior and faithfulness. If a man or a woman wants to cheat, he / she will find a way to cheat, and there is nothing you can do to prevent it. So, stop it! Stop assuming the worst about him. Stop wondering where he is and what he is doing at any given moment! Learn how to stop being needy and clingy with your partner. It will not do any good to either you or him. Assume the best about your partner and his faithfulness to you until and unless you have real reasons to believe otherwise, because there are simply no better options.
Keep in mind that the only reason, the only thing that keeps your partner around you is his desire to be with you. Nothing else keeps either of you near each other, and certainly not your jealousy. And his desire to be with you comes not from your pressure to be together, not from your being jealous or your attempts to convince him to be faithful to you, but from your other qualities that make you attractive and desirable to your partner. Your efforts to keep your partner have no positive effect on your relationship. If anything, it might put excess pressure on that person – something that no one enjoys and tolerates for very long. Remember that the best “leash” is the loose one or even better – a total absence thereof.
To remove your mind from jealous thoughts, become a little more selfish. Spend more of your time and your emotional and intellectual resources on building yourself as an individual rather than perceiving yourself as part of the relationship. Work on your career and your other goals. Take a class in a field that you have an interest in, learn a new language, engage in a form of creative art, take a dance class, and do anything else that you have or might have an interest in, so that there is more to your life than just that relationship, and so that your life does not revolve around any given person and his faithfulness to you. Pursuing other objectives of your life will prevent you from obsessing over your partner and will keep you in a much healthier emotional state, free of jealousy.
By getting rid of jealousy, you will exhibit some of the most attractive qualities in you. You will show your confidence in yourself and in your ability to attract the other person and maintain his exclusive romantic interest in you without doing it with force. You will affirm your value as a wise person. Don’t miss out on such an easy way to demonstrate those great qualities by rising above jealousy.
Remember, there is no insurance policy for maintaining any relationship. Any relationship can fall apart at any time, however stable and long lasting it has been so far. Just look around – 20-year and longer marriages fall apart every day for all kinds of reasons. I don’t mean to say this to be negative or cynical about life or to make you even more skeptical about love and loyalty. And, this doesn’t mean that you have to expect the worst, but it does mean that you have to recognize that to a large extent, any relationship is inherently unpredictable. Whether you are casually dating someone or are married, whether you have been together for one month or twenty years, it’s possible that your relationship will end at any time for a hundred possible reasons.And jealousy certainly won’t help make any relationship more stable.
What does this mean to you?
This means that you should enjoy and appreciate your relationships as long as they last. At the same time you should accept and embrace the possibility that any such relationship might be over one day. And if it is, it will be tough to deal with, especially if you really, really like someone, but you will always get over it with time. It will not be the end of the world for you. Your duty is being the best you can be in a relationship that you want to have. The rest is not up to you. The rest depends on your partner and you have no control over it. And, whatever you have no control over, should not concern you or be a cause of your anxieties.
As you are successfully fighting and overcoming jealousy, you will start experiencing tremendous freedom. This is the kind of freedom where you enjoy your love life without the taxing pain of constant jealousy and insecurity and the pleasure of giving your partner a better, wiser, stronger, and happier you! Once your partner feels more free and less restricted by your jealousy, he will likely find you more attractive. No one really enjoys being on a tight leash.
Despite all the negative things that can be said about jealousy, it seems that this emotion is part of human nature. For hundreds or even thousands of years jealousy and desire for revenge lead to murders, wars, and other smaller-scale conflicts. Perhaps accepting that we are all prone to jealousy to some extent is an important step toward knowing how to handle it and how to not let it negatively affect your personal, professional and romantic life. After all, being jealous of a co-worker who was promoted over you is just as bad as being jealous of your dating partner or that other person who managed to attract the one you wanted to be with.
Once you free yourself of jealousy, you will come across as a far more confident person who is much more fun to be around. It’s possible that your partner might be used to seeing more jealousy in general or from you specifically, and he might mistake your non-jealous ways for not caring. If that’s the case, you should remind your partner that the reason you are not jealous is because you do care but you also have trust in him, and you realize that jealousy doesn’t do any good. After all, it cannot prevent any problems if they are otherwise bound to happened.
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Hi I’ve been emotional for a while because of the situation that my girlfriend (im a girl too.) Saod to me that im so irritating and annoying bc of my so much clingy and sweet actions to her while we’re in the school. But i couldnt get off of it because i love her so much and even my body couldnt move without going to her like i stare at her always saying to my girl that shes beautiful, kissing her and hugging her always saying to her that i love her. My day couldnt just be complete without giving those sweet actions to her but she said that shes being irritated and annoyed bc one time we got caught and was issued at the school principal PDA so i was thinking now shes just very afraid for thst to happen again bc she might be transferred to other schools already but i get hurt when she acts like shoo-ing me away just when i touch her simply she shoo’s my hands away. then i just cry (so gay) bc of the hurt im feeling and i also feel jealous when i think when shes with her friends i see more smiles of her but when with me she just say “you’re so annoying” but i just try to understand her, how can i cope about this situation? How can i underdstand her more and for me to remove my too much clinginess for her to be not irritated to me
Hi all, I am heartbroken at the moment…..I have ended my nearly 3 year relationship due to persistent and focused jealousy. My now-ex partner has had this obsession with my ex from a few years ago. My ex isn’t exactly trustworrthy and he is proved it time and time again. I really don’t care about him anymore, I just want to be recognised for me, and that I am honest and trustworrthy. My partner keeps mentioning my ex, even in trying to plan a holiday (I had said that I may not be able to go for as long as him, cos of work)ff then I can get “what if …….turns up at your house while I’m gone”..This trip is planned for April/May. It’s been the same for the most of the relationship….I try to establish boundaries, explain my reasons for dislike, considering that my ex is used to be jealous too, but it just doesn’t sink in at all.
Well, it sounds like you tried it all but it didn’t work. It looks like your now ex-partner needs help and not you. Of course, he needs to realize this first before any positive changes can start occurring for him, whether he is with you or with anyone else.
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I think this is a really hard issue. I think you have to really pay attention to your partner and whether they want to spend time with you. If they want to go out with their friends without you all the time I think you NEED to notice that because they should WANT to spend time with you more than other people. That’s not to say they should never do anything on their own, but I’m not sure I would want to feel like my wife could care less if I was around or not. Part of dealing with jealousy is helping the jealous person feel more secure… if you go to clubs or singles bars all the time without him, you are sending him a clear message, “I like to be around available people without you there” and “I prefer to spend my free time with people other than you”. If that is the normal behavior from you and person would eventually get resentful.
If you let girl go to the club with some other guy, your setting yourself up for failure. That’s not jealousy, it’s common sense. Remember everything you read is biased. The guy trying to steal your girl wrote and article trying to make you feel jealous. I could be right or wrong, but there’s two sides to every coin.
I actually agree with you and my perspective on this specific point has changed since when this article was written. I will have to revise it to accurately reflect that.
I am not sure if my issue has directly do with my jealousy, but none the less, my situation with my SO is getting unbearable for me to handle. I am so sorry this will be so long, but I am confused and I have a hard time identifying my feelings right now. We have both been married once, I have no kids, he has two. I met him five years ago in a work function and at the time, he was in the process of getting divorced and they were already living separately in their own respective homes. We stayed friends, I wasn’t left with a significant impression of him at the time, but he said he was left with an impression of me he never forgot. We have lots of mutual friends. He had already entered a relationship right after separating, so he said he didn’t want to ask me out, while tempted, out of respect to the new lady. At the time I would have never went out with him as he wasn’t even done with his divorce, not to mention getting over a long marriage. For the next three years we stayed friends only over FB, met a few times during that time in work related functions, but never more than exchanged hello’s, no deep discussions. I was never left with the impression that he was in any way interested in me at the time and I was surprised after three years of knowing him, to receive a message over FB where he asked if he could call me. I gave him my number thinking maybe it’s work related and was surprised to find out that he asked me out on a date. He picked me up, gave flowers, we have a great date that lasted for five hours and we literally closed the restaurant. I was very surprised of him being so nice and a true gentleman, and that I had such a different perception of him earlier. We started dating and the first three months were great. Then the red flags (for me) came up. He had half of his garage full of boxes and he could only fit one car in there. He said that the all the boxes belonged to the first gf that he started dating after moving out of his marital home. At that time the stuff had been there for two and a half years and I told him that I have a problem with that, as they had not dated in a year. I do have boundaries and this was crossing it for me. I asked how it came about that they were still there and turns out she was a single mother, lived with her parents (39 years old), she didn’t have a job that could support her and her daughter. He though he’d “help” out so she can save money. I told him that I would not be able to continue seeing him if her live belongings weren’t moved out, and that it was time. He called her immediately and she asked for more time and he then realized that she had and was just taking advantage of his good will. The more I heard about her, it sounded more and more like she was financially using him (we are well educated and have very good jobs), they only met once a month, so more like a hookup to me, opposed to a relationship. I have a feeling he didn’t want to admit to it, but deep down knew it. They had lots of issues, she was very religious, he isn’t, and finally he ended it when she gave him an ultimatum to marry her in order for her to continue to have sex with him.
Yes, I can’t deny, but I was shocked of his choice, as he already had a bad marriage and break-up and a wife who cheated on him. I thought he would have learned a lesson and chosen “smarter”. Only a week later after the break-up with the gf, he meets a family friend at the gym, who he had known for years. Turns out she was separated, fast forward, they go on a date and have sex the same night. Another shocker for me. This only lasted a few months, she bombarded his email with half nude pictures (like the religious one as well) showing off her giant silicons, we are talking almost 200 pics in 3 months. He ended it when a friend had told him they had seen her picking up men in a restaurant breast exposed in low cut blouses, and men who happened to be very wealthy. I am thinking hopefully he learned a lesson, it’s been a bad road for him, but no. He meets another single mother at the gym and had immediately sex with her, but only lasted about ten dates and he ended it saying that he was thinking “what the hell am I doing with my life”. He went from a devoted dad and husband to a divorced reckless man, as he thought being “good” didn’t work out, so he just let it all lose. Then I enter the picture and I am a total opposite of these women. Well educated, I would like to believe I have good morals and standards, I am very loyal, and don’t sleep around, lot of fun, smart, and live a very good life, even as a single.
These bits and pieces of his past started raveling on a weekly basis and I was getting worried about him ending up having lived such a different life style, than he actually represented. We match well together and really have a great relationship and going on almost two years now, but his past is really taking a toll on me. I would prefer to leave his past were it belongs, but it’s been on my face all the time after the 4 month mark.
His ex-wife started giving him problems, turns out she had found out from the kids that he was dating and they had told her that dad must be in love, he has totally changed. She called him furious complaining about me (we’ve never met) and said she doesn’t want the kids around me. She didn’t allow me to accompany my boyfriend to their daughter’s graduation, I wasn’t welcomed. I told him it was ok and there was no reason to stir problems at that point, but I did realize she may be a problem in our relationship. I started going at the same gym as him, not knowing he had picked all the other ex’s from there and sure enough ran into one of the ex’s there, not knowing who she was. She recognized me from his FB pictures of us (they were FB friends) and introduced herself as his ex (of ten dates) and insinuated the type of relationship to me, letting me know in so many words that it was a sexual relationship. Personally I thought it wasn’t only tacky, considering we’ve never met, but in poor taste. I told my boyfriend about this encounter and said I felt disrespected by her and wanted to know how he felt about this and what would happen if we run into her again. He deleted all ex’s from his FB and said it was totally inappropriate and he will pull her aside and tell her that, if we should meet her. Sure enough a week later we did and what does he do? He quickly introduced me to her and continued talking like old friends, leaving me there behind. I felt like he threw me under the buss and got disrespected by him, too. I was upset and calmly explained I wasn’t happy how he handled it. We continued running into her, but he just nodded at her and never went to initiate any conversations after that, and I am sure she had noticed that he had unfriended her and realized I had told him about our encounter. We didn’t see her there after that.
Next shocker came last October when he asked me to print concert tickets from his computer and that they were already pulled up. I did so and I after I closed the window, a picture of a woman with big silicons with a low cut shirt, exposing them, pops up. My heart sank and I asked him what it was. I could see the blood disappearing from his face and he said she had emailed him a lot of pictures, all showing her boobs. I said that was fine, but why are they still on your computer and if he has need for these pictures anymore? He said no and that he was very sorry and that he was in the process of deleting them from iPhoto. I am not sure I believe him, but he did so right then and there and saw more than I should have. It’s true, what has been seen, cannot be unseen. They all look kind of trashy and I have a really hard time grasping his choices of mates, to be honest.
He has tried to show every day by actions how much he loves me and how he appreciates me, but it’s been hard after that and have a hard time trusting him.
In November, I ran into his ex-wife in the grocery store (didn’t know who she was a the time) and was wondering why a woman was following me and measuring me head to toe. I told him about this weird encounter and he said maybe she liked women. Well, I ended up a week later finding out it was his ex-wife. We went to a party in a winery and she had heard from their son that we were going there. She shows up all drunk and all the sudden starts pushing me around and yelling “I’m the ex, just so you know” and causing a terrible scene amongst lots of people for about 10 minutes. I was so shocked, I wanted to go home. He was shocked as well, as it finally sunk in, she had purposely done a lot of these things along the year to make his life difficult. When we got home, I asked how he felt about what had happened. He was still in shock and since he couldn’t get a word out of his mouth, I thought I would share mine. I told him that I was appalled and shocked. I felt he wanted to give an excuse for her behavior and I stopped it right on its tracks, there was none. I have previous experience with dealing with an ex-wife, as I was a step mom when I was married and we had a great “parenting” relationship with her. I can’t say that from the current one. He said he agreed and that he’d bring this up with her and ask why she did this and that it wasn’t the way to “introduce” herself. She didn’t answer the phone and didn’t hear from her for three weeks, until she needed more money to pay kids stuff. He then brought it up, she said she wanted to introduce herself and didn’t see anything wrong with the way she handled it. The kids (16 and 18) were furious at her when she told them about the encounter and demanded that she apologize to me. We do get a long very well with the kids. She constantly contacts the kids when she knows they are spending time with us and we do something fun, never fails. My boyfriend finally told them that they do not need to answer the phone when they are under his supervision and they should take the calls privately. She also found out that I don’t live too far away and I caught her driving by sneaking to my driveway one weekend. I asked my bf if she drives such and such kind of car and he said yes, why? I told him and he was just quiet. This is worrisome behavior to me.
We have been together for almost two years and I am starting to doubt my sanity and why I stay here, as his past pops up uninvited all the time. He did a lot of house cleaning a few months ago (which he should have done before entering a relationship) and suggested we change gyms and other places where we usually go, to avoid running into his ex’s all the time and causing trouble and to give us the needed privacy. It’s been better after that, but I feel like the damage is done and I feel very resentful towards these woman for acting the way they have and at him for not stepping up when he needed to. I am seriously contemplating this and it makes me feel terrible because he tries so hard to make things right and said that he wants a fresh new start for us and that he wants to eventually get married. I am afraid of the idea, because of his past and I am afraid I can’t handle more revelations. I definitely don’t agree with the dating choices he’s made, but those are his dings, I just don’t want to deal with them. Am I just unreasonable or too sensitive, or jealous? I don’t feel jealous though, and been very nice towards all these women when we have met, despite their own behavior. I just don’t want to sink to that level. I don’t have anyone to talk to and he said I need to move forward from all these unfortunate events, that his poor behavior has led us to. I feel like my self esteem has taken a hit, as he’s always given excuses for all of their behaviors and that doesn’t seem all right with me. I have started to question why we are together and if I want to be exposed to this forever. His ex-wife continues being a problem and recently told him that she doesn’t ever want to see me in any kids functions going forward, so just so we know. She seems to have totally emasculated him, he’s almost afraid of her and standing his ground with her. I just want some peace in our relationship and privacy, so we can finally start living our lives. These women were given that privacy when he dated them, but now they are taking my chance away and I feel he’s allowing them. Jealous? Maybe. Confused? Majorly.
Hi, I just read this and I need advice. My boyfriend is jealous, we’ve been together 4+ years. I love him so much. I want to solve our problem, not just give up. I’m worried that if I give him this article he may get upset because of how many times it mentions how most relationships aren’t going to last. Because I don’t plan on leaving him because I know we can work through this. but he does have very bad jealousy problems that’s why I want to approach the “admitting you have a problem” part, cautiously. He is very worried he’ll lose me..
As the article says, the process of abandoning jealousy is a gradual one. I appreciate your desire to approach the issue gently. I believe one way to do it is by treating is as “our” rather than “your” problem when you refer to his jealousy. Once you make it clear that you work together on this and not putting blame on him, this will make it less likely that he gets angry, defensive, etc. And of course repeatedly assuring him for now in so many ways that he has nothing to worry about as far as losing you should be part of the solution as well.
I love my girlfriend very much, and I am going to read this article every time I get jealous because while reading this, it brings tears to my eyes to know that I’m suffering such a toxic, sickening problem that sucks the life out of my relationship, every time I get jealous!
Every time my girlfriend looks at another guy, talks or even smiles at, makes me instantly get a lump in
My throat and I get an uncontrollable surge of anger and I feel like I am going to lose her when she actually loves me.
I love her so much and she is so special to me that it makes me feel like I don’t deserve her and that anyone can take her away from me and because I never want to lose someone so special, I guard her with my life and it makes me become controlling, possessive and really crazy!
I can’t even go shopping, to friends, out to dinner, or even driving in my car without tryin to hide her gorgeous self from the world! I could bang on all day about her but I just want someone to reply and help me understand how to rid this painful, torturous nature I have inside me
I’m the same way. Very hard to control and I know it is toxic.
I admit I’m very jelous . Am In a long distance relationship. My boyfriend has many girlfriends I don’t approve of . He spends lots of time with them . Are communication is mostly text he hardly has time to talk over the phone . And when we do talk are conversation becomes about his girlfriends what they do with him or for him . It drives me crazy . I love him so much . But don’t agree with his life style of living while we are apart. One of his friends she actually shows up at his job sites I know all this and it bothers me I do tell him how it makes me feel . He has also told to trust him he will not cheat that this girls can be naked and it dosent affect him . He tells me I’m trying to be controlling . And that I’m acting like an immature high school girl that I’m to old for that. Mind u he is also 15 years older then me. I have asked to allow me to meets this girls he hangs out with he said no way in hell because of me been so jelous. Am I teally acting controlling
I’d say him not wanting you to meet his so called “girl friends” is the first red flag….If they were “just friends”, he would WANT you to meet and feel comfortable while you two are apart! Wake up sweetie!
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I and my boyfriend have been dating for four year now and just last three months he told me, he no longer have feeling for me. He did not just say it like that he made it seem like it was his fault. He was like he has been thinking about his life and he feels like he doesn’t know himself anymore and that he doesn’t want to hurt me in the processes. I mean we all know those line i have used them and we all have the next words are always “I think we should take a break” which mean i want out of this relationship. I wish he told me all those things before he asked me to marry him i would totally move on with my life but now, it turn out that we were already engaged and for six months at that. I felt bonded to him my whole heart beats and skips just for him for the record his name is Sean. I tried all i could to get by knowing or having the thought in my heart that we could still fix us only to realize he broke up with me to actually date a girl i he meant. It was like he got tired of me or something. I basically never turned any of his request down what ever it was. Sean was literally the first guy i had sex with the every first day i meant them. Usually i make them wait for 40 day but with Sean everything felt right. Anytime i was with him i felt this pain in my heart it was like its bleeding but it was bleeding love. It was so magically that i can’t just explain it. So living without him knowing he left me for another girl was torture. I tried to talking to him in every way i could to make him see i love him but it was impossible. He made me feel like trash like am good for nothing and he called me fat and ugly. That really broke me down i could not believe it that of every person i have ever dated the one i love the most called me fat and ugly. My friends asked me to stop fooling myself trying to make him love me again but i was too in love i mean the heart wants what it wants right? and the more i tried the more he hated me. I was tagged by his new girlfriend and himself a sociopath. I was losing it and i fell into depression. Heaven know i was gonna kill myself because i really had nothing to leave for and he didn’t even care if i lived or died. I know this sound crazy but it was just what happened. Though we dating again with the help of a great and reliable witchdoctor Metodo Acamu, it still hurts a lot that i had to pass through all those pain. All my friend thought i was crazy because even when they tried to help me i pushed them all away so basically i was all alone in my world of pain i had already given up on life i mean i thought to myself if can’t have Sean, i was not going to live to watch him be happy with someone else. As foolish and crazy as this my sound , it was what i almost did. I was going to kill him and kill myself after wards. I don’t know, some how, maybe the universe wasn’t totally again me i came across the name witch doctor Metodo Acamu and his email address on the Internet there were a lot of comments on how real, nice and how much he has helped a lot of people fix there relationship , money issues, jobs and lottery ticket i thought contacting him was the last thing i should try before pushing on with my plan to take the life of the man i love. Believe me i was so lucky to have contacted him. He told me if i had killed Sean i would have tried in so many ways to kill myself to join him but it won’t have worked. I don’t know how true that is but i know that i was asked to get some materials for the witch doctor to make a spell that will reunite me and my fiancé. I sent him the money for the materials only because i could not get them anyway. He helped me a lot he sent a package for me with ups of which i paid for to get to me from an international. He told me to say what i want when burning the content of package with something that has the smell of incense and that in seven days Sean will be mine again and believe me please that was just what happened. It was so spiritual and out of earth that i could not understand how but i knew it worked for me and it is totally safe like Metodo Acamu told me. I know this all sound crazy but its so true and real life so. You can only know when those who need Metodo Acamu help get it. Contact him her metodoacamufortressx @yah oo. com
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I admit I’m a very jealous boyfriend, but things for me and my gf don’t go that way. I don’t check her phone, or ask her where she’s been, or with who she’s been, and nothing like that. I do trust her, and I know we love each other. But, I just don’t like somehitng that gets me constantly worried: she wants to do acting, and there’s a program where she’s been invited to cast. It’s a program about couples, and she doesn’t mind kissing another boy (just kissing, but that feels like a stab for me anyway), that being her limit. i just can’t stand the idea of her walking around and kissing another guy like a couple, even it’s all teather and acting. I’m just very fearsome about losing her. Am I being too jealous? Do I have a problem? What do I do?
I think it’s quite normal not to want your gf be kissing other guys, so no one can blame you for being unhappy about that. I don’t think you are a being bad boyfriend. It’s hard to think of a creative solution except perhaps for you to join the acting group…
I’ve already thougt of doing so, but I wasn’t sure at all, however I’ll try. Hope I get choosen too if she is as well, and thanks for the advise
I would hate that. I don’t think I could take it either.
After reading this article, I have realized I may have a problem… ive been dating this man for 10months, however, his two close friends and I are like water and oil. They claim not to dislike me, but when I met them, they ignored me and said racial words towards me with the excuse that, “they thought they knew me like that”. The mere mention of them upsets me and my boyfriends constant need to try and get us to get along just boils me inside. I dont like that he forces them upon me. He then follows it by saying, if you cant get along with them then youll be all alone at home because you want to be. My boyfriends is telling me that when we move in together he will be gone with them to catch all these movies, for dinner, and for entire weekends for camping trips. I tell him what’s the point of moving in together if he has all this time designated to them. (Is this me being jealous, me wanting him more to myself?) We fight so much about them because he constantly wants us and them to live in harmony. He is a racist asshole with a sense of superiority ( many see him this way as well- My boyfriends family included) and his girlfriend (my bf’s other close friend) I feel is fake and an attention whore. She takes so many selfies with my boyfriend that I not only have to constantly explain their friends (I know they are just that) but my boyfriends family even thinks that commenting “cute couple” and I told them to cool it out of respect that I wasnt liking what it was causing. And she didnt care, she told him not to let me run him like that. I told him it was getting to the point where it was me or friends. And he flat out chose his friends. He is ring shopping, but its his friends. Its a mixture of hate and jealousy. That they are constantly defended and placed over me. He has called me hateful because I refuse to assosiate with them after they offended me. I know I wouldn’t want him to tell me who to no longer assosiate with, but this need to plan dates with them, get a ways with them, its like infuriating. Am I being a bitch to ask this of him? Is it a case of being jelly?
Hello Kelly. Of course this depends on what he does exactly and how much he spends woth his friends, but these are surely early red flags that you cant disregard especially considering how you say you feel about all this. I cant imagine that moving in together in this situation is a good idea.
I just want to share my experience with the world on how i got my love back and saved my marriage. I really love Louis so much that i can not even do without. I was married for 7years with 2kids and we lived happily until things started getting ugly and we had fights and arguments almost every time… it got worse at a point that he filed for divorce… I tried my best to make him change his mind & stay with me cause i loved him with all my heart and didn’t want to loose him but everything just didn’t work out… He moved out of the house and still went ahead to file for divorce… I pleaded and tried everything but still nothing worked. The breakthrough came when someone introduced me to this wonderful man who eventually helped me out with spell… I have never been a fan of things like this but just decided to try reluctantly cause I was desperate and left with no choice… He did special prayers and used herbs… Within 2 days he called me and was sorry for all the emotional trauma he had cost me, moved back to the house and we continue to live happily, the kids are happy too and we are expecting our third child. I have introduced him to a lot of couples with problems across the world and they have had good news… Just thought I should share my experience cause I strongly believe someone out there need’s it… NOTE THAT he will ask you to pay a small token amount of money to get the materials to work for you. You can email DR SANJAY via (sanjaylandofsolution60@gmail . com) Don’t give up just yet, the different between “Ordinary” & “Extra-Ordinary” is the “Extra” so make extra effort to save your marriage/relationship if it’s truly worth it.
BTW author of the article… the spell caster messages should be erased, they are ruining your page!
@SB Thanks. We are trying to fight and erase the spam all the time and will review the comments to this article to remove spam as well.
That is really abusive what he is doing to you. And he has no right to do that. You guys need counseling ASAP if you want to save your marriage. I feel like maybe he is projecting his own thoughts onto you that he was maybe wanting to cheat and now that you have nipped that in the bud he is now policing you to make sure you aren't going to either. My ex husband was mentally and emotionally abusive also and it wore me down, I felt like a shell of my former self. Don't let him do that to you.
I have an interesting situation… I used to be married to a man I was NEVER jealous of and the reason is that he didn't really pay any attention to ANY other women and was actually jealous of me and my friendships with anyone, even my family!… it was a bit intolerable and pushed me away so I know that side of it.
Now I am with a man who is separated and not divorced yet and I know he won't go back to his wife but he lived a long time with her not having a real husband-wife relationship and just did whatever he wanted, go on vacations with big groups of friends from college without her, plays tennis all the time, and is in a band… etc. Anything to keep his life happy since he wasn't happy in his marriage. Well now he is separated and seeing me and I am jealous of his outgoing nature, he will talk to almost anyone anywhere, which is kinda cute but gets on my nerves when I would like his attention. He knows this and does his best to pay his attention to me when we are together. And he and I are really happy when we are together but we are also apart a lot, he is retired and has a vacation home he spends 2 mos at in the summer several states away. He doesnt like to be lonely so he invites all kinds of friends and family to visit and loves it. I don't want him to ever give up what he loves, I just feel this UGH feeling everytime he has plans with other people or has to go fix something at his old house (soon to be EX lives there)… I don't like that he has younger female friends, truly a lot younger as in inappropriate creepy if he was attracted to them friends, but one is in his band and he talks to her a lot about the band stuff and thats to be expected but UGH, and she puts a picture of her and him on Facebook – totally innocent but she puts a little heart next to his name and doesnt have a pic like that of any of the other guys in the band like that. I know he is a great guy, easy to talk to, is pretty cool, and young at heart, so i understand that people love him and love being around him, because that is how I feel about him, but its hard to go from being in a marriage where I never had to worry about any of this stuff EVER and actually feeling so secure in that department to having not a bad guy who is a cheater type but a guy who doesnt need me all the time because he has other people and things that he loves also besides me. And people loving him and making him feel good, feels like he doesn't even need me to do that for him. He lived like that for a long time and we talk about this all the time, he is used to taking care of his own needs and not relying on anyone else to provide the love and care. But I am here now in his life and I want to do that for him and I don't want to have to compete with all the other things in his life or FEEL that I am competing with them. I feel I offer something a lot more special and wonderful and he says he feels that too but I don't feel from him that its MORE special than some of the other things in his life. I actually miss having a guy a little bit jealous of me and I having to not even think about it because I wasn't jealous. Not sure if this relationship even though we have said we are soulmates is going to work out in the long run, I just think I need a little more. My big question is…and this is all just in my head and not answerable probably… why did my husband have to be such a bad husband and he was the one that I wasnt jealous of and then I meet a guy I really feel a connection to after my bad marriage and he is completely different and makes me jealous. I miss the old days of not being jealous!! But that was a relationship that was really bad for me, even without jealousy, it was bad. Now I have a good relationship and feel jealous. IT SUCKS!
So grateful to read this. Promise to work on me….
I was researching articles because I am in a relationship where my husband is the one who is jealous. Being on the other end of the problem has it's own problems. I love the man my husband is with all my heart and when we are together life is wonderful. But, he has a personality that is very jealous. Right before I leave for work, he starts in. I know he is afraid of losing me and my love but I feel as if I have to defend myself for being alive when I am not in his sight. Imagine being arrested for a crime you did not commit, being held in a cell with no contact with the out side world ever and being beaten because you dared to breath without that person being there. Every day. My husband does not physically abuse me but the mental and emotional abuse is every bit as damaging. Nothing I do is ever right; if I wear perfume, I'm cheating, if I don't wear perfume, I'm cheating. He smells me (yes he does) when I come home to see if he can smell another man on me and he always pulls down the waist band of my pants to see if I still have on the same panties I put on in the morning. This started not quite a year after we were married. I found out that he had been having several relationships on line with other women and was going to divorce him because of it. He agreed to get counseling and to stop contacting other women. I decided to trust him and forgive him; that is when all this jealousy on his part started. I hate the person that it's turned me in to. I get apprehensive whenever he calls knowing that no matter what I say, he thinks I'm hiding something/lying to him. I really feel victimized and helpless. The article is spot on though, I am finding him less and less attractive and am beginning to pull away. Being hurt every day in this way is dehumanizing and just plain humiliating.
Jealousy is a spirit which enters a person sent by God, our Maker. No article however academically written, Nothing can remove or eradicate this spirit of jealous, except by Prayer to God. Read what Saul did to the young David after he killed Goliath.
Thank you so much. Of all the article's Ive searched over the internet, this is the only one that convinced me and automatically gave me freedom from jealousy. THANK YOU A LOT! 🙂
Thanks for your kind words, and we are glad you found this article helpful to your own jealousy issues.
Thank you for the article, I found it very helpful in parts.
I still need some advice though as my situation isn't to do with a romantic relationship.
My best friend is a gay male, I'm a straight female. We met at work when we both started over a year ago, we work in a very large team of people but have been best friends for about a year now. We are known as a bit of a double act (which I really like) and we spend pretty much all our time, work and outside work together. We are pretty much inseparable.
I get so jealous when he is acting close or really friendly around other people – mostly other females! If hes laughing and joking with a few particular people I get horrible pangs of jealousy and I get so angry! I hate seeing him text them or comment on their Facebook posts or photos. I dread big nights out or social occasions as I feel like he pays more attention to these people when we are out rather than me!
I feel constantly like I'm going to be replaced by a few of these people. He's obsessed with his phone and is always texting people – we spend pretty much all of our time together but he'll still text these people.
I do so much for him it's unbelievable. And sometimes I don't feel like I get the same respect or treatment on return from him. A close mutual friend has pointed out to me that he sometimes treats me like a bit of a mug – yet I still care so much and would do pretty much anything for him! Because we do have such a good time together, but in the back of my mind – I'm always worrying about losing him to someone else!
The thing is I'm totally aware in my right mind that I'm being jealous. And when I sit and calmly think about things I'm okay – until the next time when I get SO unbelievably jealous.
I've mentioned the fear of being replaced and stuff to him, but he just said it was ridiculous and it would never happen – but I still sometimes feel like I'm actually watching it happen! Sometimes I find myself making sarcastic comments which get me nowhere!
The thing is, my best friend has a lot of issues. I'm always there and supportive for him – these other people don't really know the half of it, yet I feel like they get the carefree fun side of my friend and I get that occasionally but mostly have to be there for his crap stuff, which obviously I don't mind because I care about him – but I can't help but feel unappreciated. He doesn't feel like he has to try with me anymore, just assumes ill always be there – which annoyingly I probably will be!
I'm so worried that I'm not going to be able to get over these horrible feelings and its going to end up pushing him away. Which I don't want to deal with!
Please help me: I'm a complete state!
Thanks for sharing your jealousy issues. I believe that the article contains all the advice that applies to your situation. The key thing to remember is that like with any other problem, getting over your jealous is not an something that can be achieved overnight. You should start taking small steps to deal with it, including talking about it with your partner – not by arguing or fighting but sharing how you feel and helping him reassure you that you don't have anything to worry about. You also should remember that some things, such as being replaced, are simply out of your hands, and worrying about it is pointless and a waste of energy.
I am also in an online relationship Agn, it's been 10 months and we're both extremely happy but he is extremely jealous and possessive, he doesn't want me going out with my friends and I've changed a lot in my life as to not upset him….I do debate with myself if I'm in the wrong because everyone says he should not expect me to change so much in my life for him especially becoming so unsocial, but then I think I may not being doing such a bad thing because I just want to make him happy and keep him from being upset.
I'm so confused, I'm not sure if I'm in the right or wrong or need a balance. But we are talking about it often and we are trying to overcome it and compromise, I wish you the best of luck with your relationship, talking about it is always the best I think, otherwise things will just get pent up, that's why I'm so worried, I don't want to leave this unresolved and then feel suffocated and want to be away from him, I don't want that to happen at all.
I am involved in an online relationship,and my guy is being extremely jealous I want to know if this is natural because I am so far away, I have spoken to him about it and he told me that it's because he's far and doesn't know how it is here and that he won't be like this in real life but I don't think so, I need advice on what to do, I don't want to be involved in a jealousy manipulative relationship and I am afraid I might be wrong :/
I just read this post and I know it is old but I can relate to it. I've been trying to overcome jealousy for about 5years now. This all happened when I found out that my husband was attracted to my little sister. I didn't know it until I found a video of our family outtings and half the film was of him taping her. I asked him what it was about and did he like my sister. He told me "no". Come to find out later that he did have a fondness for her. I found that out because I kept pressing him about it and I just knew in my inner being from previous activities that he did with my sister. The funny thing is that back then those things didn't bother me. I didn't even care what he did with my any of my sisters. But it's been 5 years and I am still battling this stupid and negative feeling. Currently my sister and I are not speaking, something she decided to do not me. But she said that I treated her badly. My jealousy right? I am in a culture where my husband can have more than one wife and before I married him I told him that I am not a polygamist(is that how you spell it) and he said he wasn't either. But when he found that it was okay in our culture, he's been trying to be with different women. But then I threaten to leave him and he doesn't go through with the relationships. recently he told me he had some girl on his mind and I told him to do it so I can finally leave him. I'm pregnant with our 6th child. I need to sanity and peace again. Looking for your advice. Thank you
Why did you make so many children with such a man…? Shoo him, let him go. Enough of him hurting you. From what you wrote, it seems like you don't love him much anymore or maybe you abandoned that feeling cause you are protecting yourself from being extremely hurt. Hopefully you have your family behind your back and your children supporting you. Such a man will never get back to "normal' and this will keep re-occurring on and on. I don't know how your culture is but I can imagine, I hope it's not that type where they don't let the divorced women do anything. These kind of men are born with a dirty mind, they NEVER change. (Unless their wee-wee stops functioning maybe)
and don't be upset, it's not the end of the world. You are surely better off without him!
Wow you just diagnosed me. That's my behavior exactly. Have you been able to overcome this behavior? If so I'd like some advice.
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Big help! Thank you.
Just like everyone else, I too have a jealous boyfriend. Just last night I looked at him as if I Don't Know This Guy. My boyfriend and I live together and we were born and raised in the south so I'm very southern if I must say. I cater to him but sometimes he takes me for granted. I want to be catered to sometimes. He is so lazy. And he wasn't like that in the beginning. He has gained 30lbs and we've bee together for a year now and his insecurity is driving me insane. I would like counseling but he doesn't like us to share our relationship with anyone. I'm just afraid that we may end before he realize how he is affecting me emotionally. He always says I'm exaggerating.
I can't tell you how much I love this article , every situation you mentioned was true in me, over react and drove my husband crazy, he even kicked me out of the house once, he can't control his emotion whenever I got jealous , he think I don't trust him and suspect him with all the ex. I knew it was my problem because I am too obsessive and over jealous. I tried to control my mind but every time I failed. I tried to find ways to help me and I am very happy I found this article , I am going to print out and keep reading it until I remember every single useful word that you've mentioned. Thank you very much. I almost 100 % sure it will help me now and eventually I will be a happy, healthy wife.
@ Lisa. Thanks for your kind words. I honestly don't think you should spend too much time analyzing why he said that his gf was jealous so long ago as it has very little, if any importance to your current life. One possibility is that he didn't want to talk to you at that time, and need a legitimate excuse, so that's one thing that came into his mind that made sense.
@practicalh This coffee thing was only 2 weeks ago, and he brought it up, so although it was said a while back, he " apologized" and said it wasn't true just the other day at coffee— I know it shouldn't be my concern, but what a strange lie! And I don't understand jealousy so much, so is like to know his motives, from a guy's view, preferably the web owner, but gals you had input too;)
I googled " lying about jealousy" and I just found your fantastic site! I read many many comments here, to see if one of them matched my situation, and they didn't, so I will write it here… This is very baffling to me, and it's too long of a story, but I will just give the facts…
I'm not a very jealous person, but have at times been jealous w an ex… So, he and I tried to remain friends fairly recently, after years of not being together.. ( after our break up). Then I realized the loving feelings were coming back, so even the trial at friendship was not a good idea and I ended it. We were both mature and disappointed, bc we got along well, I'd say. So, he met another girl a few months after the " end of our friendship". I knew this from our rare texts to keep in touch a bit… He then tells me" my new girlfriend is jealous and doesn't like us texting/ talking" so I immaturely said" ok, since you're dating a nazi girlfriend, I'll respect her wishes", yes, sarcasm I know. Then after a Year of them being together and me respecting the no contact thing for at least 6 months, we meet for coffee, only bc I moved away 9 months ago and it was only a quick hello while I'm in town.. So, when we sat having coffee he tells me, " oh, I was only kidding being a jerk when I said my girlfriend was jealous- she even told me to tell you that she's not jealous and that I made up that story"…. SOoo, my question is"Why would a guy say (she) someone is jealous when they're not? Just to annoy me? Or mock me? Or see if he could get me jealous? This was so bizarre, but I calmly said " that's weird, why?" And he just said " I don't know, I'm a jerk" … Maybe it was to keep me away from texting, even?? I'd love to hear any thoughts you have on this strange type of reverse psychology or game he played, thanks!!
Hi.. I really love my boyfriend. He is an wonderful and loyal man. He have few advantage that i don't have. Sometimes even i felt as he deserve better girl then me. He is little shy person. From his stand, he would say i am an wonderful women, very out going and friendly to everyone. One thing is, he getting jealous when i talk and laugh with my male friends. He knows that he being jealous and he knows its something not right. He do trust me, but still he suffering of jealousy. why so? how do you think i can help him?
I had never heard of the term provoked jealousy but it makes sense since I always told him that I would not be acting this way nor would I have done what I did had he not showed me that I was secondary to other women who fulfill his fantasies.
my preference is a nonchauvinistic old world man treating me with respect….allowing me to be myself …accepting me and not provoking me to jealousy or any other unattractive trait. i do not believe in the philosophy that individuals are allknowing to the point which they always know how to react or respond to a person or scenario. polarized individualism can produce lack of connective ability with another and a selfrighteous allknowing attitude. so avoiding the act of possession to embrace individualism i think is not the answer to new world relationship issues. i think it is simple…….basic human respect and communication. a man disrespectfully provokes jealousy……..the woman responds disrespectfully with jealousy. we are human and not robots. showing honest genuine emotion should be allowed.communication and committment and responsibility should resolve the issue.
my opinion of the artical is that it is addressing relationship issues that can surface in the new world which focuses moreso on individualism rather than old world connective relationships. with polarized acts of selfcenteredness and disrespect manifesting in old world chauvinism and new world irresponsibility i think the only realistic easy solution is to do away with vows and committment until people are human and civilized enough to think of a better way to conduct as a committed couple and family in the new world culture. just saying…….
no. you have provoked jealousy.
My story started when I was 19 (I’m 36 now). In the beginning of my relationship (he is 3 years older) i told him i did not like him going to strip clubs. He promised me he would not but did. I ended up getting pregnant with our daughter at 20 and he was very selfish the entire time. Continued to go to strip clubs tipping and touching, going out hanging out all night, not calling me until 4 or 5 in the morning to tell me he wasn’t coming home. He told me the reason he went to one strip club was that he wanted to see what the girls looked like, if they were pretty, if they had good bodies, he even came home wanting to have sex with me after being there but would tell me they do nothing for him. He lied to me about it over and over and could never come clean, even 17 years later I am only finally getting what he was thinking and why he went. I am an attractive woman, smart, ambitious, with a great body and great job. He tells me it was nothing personal and that I am upset because I am vain. Also, we are an interracial couple, he’s ‘Black’ and I’m ‘White’ and the places he went were in the ghetto with a majority Black and Hispanic, they didn’t look like me. He made me feel ugly, worthless, that he didn’t care about me and he chose other women and his friends over me. The first lie was just 2 months after I had our daughter so you can imagine how messed up I felt, I hadn’t lost my baby fat and we weren’t having sex. So I always knew I’d get my revenge and I did everything he did but better and meaner. I took it to the extreme that I cheated on him and I was happy I did. I was happy he felt like crap (and sometimes I still am). He promised to always tell me that he would tell me if someone invited him to a strip club but again lies because he didn’t his cousin told me that one day when they were working together her boyfriend invited him for a drink and took him to a strip club but ‘it was closed, he didn’t go in, so it wasn’t important to tell me’. Nothing is ever important to tell me, he sugar oats everything, if does something it’s innocent but if I do the same I’m doing something. He’s been unemployed for 5 years, I have a very very good job and he does nothing I ask but if a friend calls for help he jumps. I stopped going out 10 years ago, this past summer I found a females number in his wallet but he ‘doesn’t know who it is, maybe a co-worker but (a) he doesn’t have a job and (b) never had a co-worker with that name. Then. Had some chick call my phone that he met at the mall but again forgot to tell me but its business and now a few weeks ago I find porn on his phone and he lies, we are not having sex becaus I have no sex drive due to a neck injury and pain meds. I have no problem with him using online porn right now but when I ask and find stuff on your phone don’t lie. Maybe we could have watched together and maybe he could have tried something new with me to help me but it’s always his needs. Then, right after the porn lies I find a picture of a female escort who is in the next town over and he lies and lies and lies because he doesn’t want to deal with me being hurt and getting angry. He thinks that I get angry because they are ther women or porn and he finally tells me the ‘truth’ he can never realize it’s the lies. I told him this time that he lied about something so simple as online porn he def wont tell me about him possibly going to or contemplating going to an escort. He said he accidentally clicked on an ad but how he was telling me it happened didn’t make sense. Today we once again went online so he could show me what happened and I got to the bottom of it. It was an ad…things got so volatile over his lies. We were doing so good. I question him ALL the time about if he went to a strip club, thought about going or wonders what they look like and he gets so angry. He can’t understand that his behavior led me to cheat. Am I jealous? He claims he was just ‘being a man’ which is a poor excuse but I will not have my husband give some woman that is naked or half naked and providing a fantasy for him and he’s giving her our money and then taking it further, you don’t have t touch just because you tip, that’s cheating to me but he says no. Am I really that messed up in the head that I’m being insecure and overly jealous? HELP ME please…this is 17 years of me always wondering!!
My girlfriend spends alot of time with my best friend. They were friends before we were dating, but he thinks that he is in love with her. She has no feelings for him though. Is it bad for me to control how much they spend time together?
i have been trying to overcome this awfull state of being jealous to the one i love and care about hopefully these practices can be usefull in my life hopefully its not to late to fix what i have broken
Thanks for your reply, I have asked him before if she is hitting on him and then he gets very upset with me telling me I F**cked up and jealous over nothing.
I really want to trust him, but my mind keeps running in all directions….Maybe I should just go with the flow and get a hobby and realise he is not my world but the world is mine too enjoy ,instead of sitting here wondering every min of the day who he is chatting too etc.