One of the most common reasons that girls break up with their boyfriends is that these guys become more and more jealous, controlling and possessive. Male jealousy can have many forms, and handling it can be a serious challenge for the women they date. Some guys are so jealous and controlling that they don’t even let their girlfriends go out on their own with their friends, because they are afraid that some other guy will seduce her and take her away. Other guys tell their girlfriends what to wear, how to keep their hair, who to hang out with, what to eat, and otherwise trying to control their life.
A woman who is in a relationship with a jealous and controlling guy will sooner or later feel very unhappy and even suffocated. As a result, she will start losing interest and attraction for that guy. This is because women love and respect confidence, and jealousy as well as being controlling is one of the most prominent signs of lack of the most unattractive insecurity. Then, the break-up will surely be inevitable. Ironically, the stronger the guy’s feelings are toward the girl he is with, and the fewer girls he has been with, the more jealous he is likely to be.
Why Are So Many Guys Jealous and Controlling in a Relationship?
I believe there are two main reasons for this. First, many guys expect their girlfriend to be perfect. If a guy really likes the girl he is with, he wants everything in that relationship to be perfect, which in his mind means – everything has to be his way because he knows best. This translates into having an expectation that the girl will be “perfect” in a way that they imagine that perfect to be to be, so they try to adjust who she is, how she acts, and how she lives her life to their own standard of perfection.
The second reason for this jealousy is fear of losing the girl, and the more special she is to the guy, the greater that fear is, especially if he thinks that she is one of a kind, and he will never meet anyone like her. That guy is going to be worried more often than he should that the special girl he is dating is going to slip away, or some other guy, who has more of anything to offer, is going to take her away. Thus, these guys try to keep their partner away from any “threat.” At first, a girl might be flattered by such attention, thinking that the guy really cares about her. It’s only a matter of time, however, until the girl realizes that the reason the guy is so territorial about her is not because of who she is but because of his own insecurity about her and himself.
How to Deal with Your Boyfriend’s Jealousy
So, how do you deal with your boyfriend’s jealousy and control issues?
Some girls give in to jealousy and try to do whatever they can to please the guy. However, this usually only makes the problem worse, legitimizing the guy’s jealousy in his eyes and taking it to another extreme. By nature, the more we get away, the further we go, so this is a bad idea.
Other girls imply walk away from a relationship with a jealous boyfriend, not being able to tolerate that kind of treatment and lack of basic freedom and trust from their partner. In many cases, walking away is the only option, as many guys are chronically unable to admit that they are pathologically jealous and as a result don’t even try to do anything to overcome their jealousy issues. If you really love the guy, however, and you are committed to at least doing what you can to make the relationship work, it’s worth at least trying to fix the problem before you leave him. Address jealousy as soon as possible. The first and the necessary step that every jealous guy should take is to realize and acknowledge that he has a problem – that his behavior is irrational and detrimental to the relationship. Have him read this article on overcoming and abandoning jealousy, which will provide very simple yet very practical steps on handling this problem. For many people this article is an eye-opener and is a start to a completely new outlook on their partner and on their relationship.
Like any other challenge, overcoming jealousy is not a matter of reading one article or getting one tip from a friend. There are no overnight solutions to this problem. But if your boyfriend recognizes both, his problem and the fact that it takes work and serious self reflection to overcome his jealous an control issues, this will make his success in overcoming those issues far more likely.
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My situation is weird, I don’t know if my boyfriend is jealous or in secured or I’m the wrong person in this situation. I been with my boyfriend for 2 yrs now at first I kinda like it because I felt protected by my boyfriend but it’s getting to a point where I felt like he is trying to turn me into a different person. I’m the type of person who gets along with everybody and I will talk to you unless you gave me a reason not to. If a guy said hi to me or I said hi to a guy he gets so irritated even if he’s an older man. When we first moved in to our apartment, we were walking outside the apartment and one of the guy (I think he’s 40 yrs older than me) yelled out to him “why you with my girl”. The guy didn’t know that we live in the same apartment. He talked to him about it a couple days after and he apologizes and we were cool. We have a share balcony and this old man is there every single day, and every time we go outside to smoke I would say hi to anyone who is out there and he gets piss and told me why you always be the first one to say hi. One time he was at work and one of our neighbor he is an older man too (he can be my grandpa) came with his daughter knocking on our apartment asking if we have a spare propane because he ran out in the middle of his bbq. I know the reason why he came to us because there are only 2 grills in our apartment level one is his and one is ours. When I told him about it he gets so mad and said that the neighbor was out of line, he should’ve asked him, he is the man of the house, he knew he was at work that’s why he came knocking on the door. I told him, he was at work and there’s no way he would have known that he’s at work. But he was still mad. This morning, we were on our way out and I stopped by the mail box to check my mail, that same neighbor walked by, I didn’t see him but I heard him say good morning to my boyfriend on our way out my boyfriend was putting stuff in the trunk and I saw the same neighbor so I said good morning, and he said have a good day to me. My boyfriend gets in the car he was furious, he said “he said a half a** good morning to me and as soon as he sees you he said have a great day and he was staring at me the whole time I was standing by the mailbox”. He said next time he come knock on the door I will punch him in the face. I felt like he wanted me to keep to myself and talk to no other guy but him. It’s not like I’m flirting with them, it’s just a friendly conversation, they’re my neighbors and I’m not gonna just walk by and ignore them that’s not me. Sometimes he’ll take a nap, if I wanted to just go sit outside the balcony, I don’t know how, but for some reason as soon as I open the door he jump up and ask me where Im going and all of a sudden he’s awake and wanted to go sit outside at the balcony. If we go out to the club he’s not paying attention to me, he is more focus on who’s looking at me. I always try to make him feel comfortable every time we go out, I would kiss him and hold his hand just to make him feel more comfortable but if he notice a guy looking at me, he would told me that he’s tired he want to go home or he want to go somewhere else and there has been a couple of occasion where he’ll walk over to the guy and asked him what’s up. I don’t think I ever gave him a reason to be in secured and not to trust me. I can’t walk down the street by myself without him tagging along. He doesn’t go to his friends house as often as he used to, and if he does he will be gone for an hour the most, I’m sure he’s scared that I will take a walk around the block by myself and guys will talk to me. When I’m by myself, sometimes (rare) I will walk to the store or just walk around the block because I sit at work all day. If I go with my friend, who I barely see since we moved (at least once in every 3 months) to the bar just to have a drink and catch up he will tag along and just sit there and drink and it annoys me. I didn’t tell him because I was the one who asked him if he wants to go, I asked him because I know how he is and just to show him I’m not going bar to meet someone else and I don’t want to argue with him if I told him I’m going to the bar with my friend and I thought he would say no, but every time I asked him he always say yes. He is a great guy, he treats me well but his insecure is driving me crazy. I fell like, I can’t talk to anyone or laugh at a guy’s joke just to make him happy, I feel uncomfortable doing that because that’s not who I am and every time I try to defense myself we get into a huge fight and he told me that I have a bad judgment. I don’t know what to do.
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This is very true. At first I was like “yeah hes so sweet to guard me” but then everytime some boy text me or chat around me he eventually gets jealous. Without asking who is he, he even got jealous of my girl friend that was named after a boy, when he read in my inbox her name. He always checks my emails and messages. Always view my history of whom I viewed. As of now, i really think its really really insane. And it freaks me out. I dont think I like his comoany anymore. It seems like he wants go tie me up on chains, he wants to be the only man/boy who will go near me. I dont want hin anymore.
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i’m a jealous type of guy,never really thought i was good looking,always thought i was ugly and still do
,it’s always be me and mother since i’m an only child and my father chose to abandon me,i was actually happy when my mother lost what would have been my twin brother and sister as it meant i wouldn’t have to share her,even got mad at her for a month when she helped another child who was having a seizure,mind you she’s a registered nurse so she was doing her job,i’ve been spoiled as a child and got mad at relatives for showing affections to other young one in my family,and that carried over into my adult life as i have never been in a long standing relationship, my one time long distance girlfriend broke up with me because my jealous was out of control,animalistic in her words, so i decided that it’s best that i stay single,because my jealousy can be ott possessive bordering on animalistic at times,and you know what i’m happier because of it. i guess i never saw myself as good enough and always believed that because of that i had to fight to keep what i felt was mine, had to hold on to it tight,and i’m still the same way today
My boyfriend and I are in a long distance relationship. We have made plans for me to relocate and get married but that can’t happen for another year. He has recently become obsessed over my past. States it bothers him to know I’ve been with other people, that he wishes we had met 15 years ago so that today, and we wouldn’t be physically separated and I wouldn’t have a history with anyone else. I love my boyfriend and I want to have a future with him. He admits he has a jelousy issue, but thinks nothing will help him. He gets very upset when I tell him the past doesn’t exist, and that he is my present. I know he has a history of abandonment from his family and rejection from a past relationship. So I think this is what makes him so insecure. I have offered to take self improvement classes together, suggested him to go to counseling, but he does not want to try any of it. I do want to try all I can to save this relationship. What can I do?
Hello, Lily. I am sorry about your situation. If I understand correct, this is something that has developed recently, even though you have been together for a while. If so, is there any way for you to find out what triggered this jealousy issue? Did you ever ask him directly why all of a sudden this became an issue and if so – what is his response?
I have not asked directly, no. However, he always did seem very uncomfortable whenever, we would talk of the past. He always said it bothered him to know, but seemed to get over it quickly. However he has recently started reacting to it, even when we aren’t talking about it. Like, anything I say triggers him to remember what I’ve told him from the past. And now seems to judge me for it. I think the distance is also getting in the way, but there is really nothing I can do about that right now.
I really think you should try to find out what triggered it. One mistake a lot of people make is thinking that getting closer or marrying will “smoothen” things out and make problems go away. These types of issues need to be worked out before you tie the knot, that’s for sure.
We had a conversation about him taking dance lessons last week. This particular dance is very sensual and you dance very close to your partner. I mentioned that it made me feel uncomfortable but if it made him happy I would support it. He got upset because he “I must have danced this before” (and yes I have when single), and he added that if I danced it before why can’t he now. I explained whatever happened before I even knew him should not matter, but he only gets incresingly upset. He just told me that ever since that conversation he can’t stop thinking about my past. Now, I don’t have a crazy past, nor have I had a lot of partners, but I have been married before. He can’t get over this. I think the dance conversation is what triggered this obsession, he seems to cling on to this a has told me he refuses to let it go.
Well, it sounds like he is the one who should be looking for help and guidance. My only advice to you is to under no circumstances agree to move in, marry, etc… until this issue fully resolves, if at all.
Thank you for your advice!
I just had another fight with my BF. Ever since we met, he’s had passwords to my everything, he even told me one day I told him I was at work that he noticed from my find my iPhone that I was home, he signs in and goes through my social media messages, he picks a fight with me over my ex, saying “I should hate my ex” he stopped me from speaking with my make friends and acquaintances and the only one male friend I have left brought this last fight after he saw a funny message were my friend (Fred) said “he’s horny, and asked me if I ever kissed a girl which I replied no and asked him, “where does your head go sometimes”. He laughed and nothing more was said, since then my BF won’t stop obsessing about it, he’s been asking about fred and saying he’s so mad, so today I just couldn’t take it no more and when he brought it up again I said stop it and I told him ,”guys will like me and girls will like you, important is that we only Iove and want each other so stop it” he said “how would you feel if I said this things to a girl and I replied him that this things are said to me and not me saying iT to them, but he’s more upset that I don’t snap at Fred when he sends such messages. he still didn’t stop and started asking about our (mine and Fred’s) video chat conversations Fred and i had before we met, so this time I just went crazy and reigned insults on him and told him to find someone else. Because I really never had such an experience and he’s chocked me too far with this. I want to know. Am I crazy or was it right to call it off?
Based on what you are describing, you are absolutely right to call it off. The guy needs to do a lot of work on himself and his jealousy issues before he can be ready for any relationship. If he doesn’t realize that he has a problem, there is not much you can or should do to help you. It’s a good idea to stay away for your own well being and safety.
Thanks @praticalh. I do love him but I think this is the best, and if I have to take him back it would be after much hard work on his part. and like you said, my well being and safety is my biggest issue, because so much intense jealousy comes with violence and I wouldn’t want to get hurt.
You are welcome. I appreciate the you love him, but I always say that 10 great qualities will not make up for certain things that are deal breakers (whether they are permanent or temporary issues).
My boyfriend loves me and I love him too. But more often than not lately we get in these ridiculous fights over what time I get off of work and the friends I have made there. He is very passively jealous so it is hard to point it out to him. He just labels me as being obsessive about wanting friends (I just moved to this town to go to college with him and I knew no one, it was very lonely when he was working all the time) and says that he doesn’t have any friends, that I am his best friend. He is my best friend as well, but I need some feeling of belonging in this town, in my job, my family is 3 hours away, my hometown 9. Then again I moved us here. How does one address a passively jealous boyfriend, I want to marry him, but sometimes it is too much and seems unnecessary.
In this situation, he is the one who needs advice. First, he needs to recognize that he has an issue that he needs to work on – i.e. wanting you all to himself. It’s flattering on one hand, but on the other hand it can be suffocating to you, and that’s something he needs to recognize before starting to work on this and learning how to give you the space you need. One of the options that can and should be considered is maybe trying to include him into some of the things you do with friends, if at all possible.
I’m n the same boar as u! He’s n he’s late 50’s and I’m n my early 50’s. And he BREATHES 4 ME.
It’s typical in America and Canada too. In fact male jealousy is a sign that a guy loves you as well.
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Staying with the guy who makes your life so miserable is hardly a good idea. It’s bound to make you suffer instead of looking for happiness elsewhere. This is regardless of what his race is (or yours).
The consensus from these feminized dating “advice” websites is always; when a guy is jealous, he is paranoid and it’s his fault. When a woman is jealous, she has a good hunch, it’s the guy’s fault and he should do something to reassure her.
What a load of crap.
It sounds like Gary might have had a number of really bad experiences with women one after the other and therefore he might be a bit jaded. A few good experiences dating great women will probably turn that around, but his view and frame of mind are unlikely to change until then.
Especially with the comments he made about women playing the field as if he wants women to be his slave and not talk to other guys nor work with them at all. He sounds like he could be an abusive person.
at Gary – there are different reasons why girls act that way. Some just need constant attention and validation from other guys or the just enjoy flirting, while others feel that they don’t get enough attention from their partner, so they are looking for it elsewhere. In any event, trying to talk about it openly and honestly without necessary turning it into finger pointing or a fight should be the next step.
Gary seems very insecure about women playing the field and wanting a variety of different men. But anyway, women get the worst press in the media by being labeled as maneaters. He sounds like an abusive boyfriend here.
Sorry but women are very sneaky and will tell white lies to avoid making a problem worse, for example my girl girlfriend has joined a walking club where she has become friends with some man and is constantly messaging him and they are very flirty messages – now i am in the wrong to read those messages but why do women have to be so flirty. It’s okay psycho analysing men and why they are jealous but the real question is, why are women such flirty tarts? Men get a bad press in the media, labelled as womanisers – women need to take responsibility here too!!!
@gary-Women are labeled worse as maneaters that many of them get killed. Maneater is a derogatory term.
I always wondered how much we can really blame our parents and our past for not being able to maintain stability in our own relationships. Do you think the problem is reversible with or without professional intervention such as therapy or relationship counseling?
I had a high school friend whose brothers were very possessive and jealous over their girlfriends and crushes because of their mother cheating on their father and she had several boyfriends who couldn't trust her either. She cheated on all of them just like what her mother did to their father as well. Even my own brother gets so attached to girls so easily and gets possessive because my mother never spent enough time with my father (who spent so much time with us) nor my brother and I. She was always working late and she walked out on my father as well.
Yes, it's a sad reality but we and our actions are inevitably a result of our own experience and upbringing. It's hard for anyone to believe in true love, loyalty, etc… if they don't have a good example at home. Growing up in a broken home will likely lead the child in that home toward a similar destiny. That's not to say that he or she can't break away from that, but conscious effort, reflection and timely professional intervention will likely be required.
Boys who grow up with absent, neglectful, emotionally unavailable mothers can end up having difficulty trusting females, especially if the mother wasn’t committed to the father. That’s where abusive personalities in males also stem from. Having an absent mother.
Women in male dominated fields are also at risk for having abusive husbands or boyfriends who are jealous.
Thankyou I thought that to. He's learnt his lesson now
Also, guys with self image and body issues are more likely to be jealous and insecure, especially if you girls are ogling hot, muscular, yet Photoshopped guys in front of them, especially on TV, for instance.
@ Lisa. That's an interesting point. I think it's more shocking to guys when girls stare at other guys because generally it's so much rare than when the guys check out other girls.
It's not rare for girls to stare at other guys while in a relationship. It's very common and guys do easily become enraged when girls stare at other guys in front of them, especially male movie stars, singers, male models, male athletes, etc.
Guys enrage for that exact reason – because we don't expect women to check out other guys, or at least check them out in a way that's as obvious as we, guys, check out women.
Girls check out men a lot but they are called sluts and whores for it. I know a lot of guys who expect girls to ogle other guys in front of them and then abuse them for it. Girls who treat guys like sex objects are punished and shamed. Check out this blog and the comments below. http://hellburns.blogspot.com/2012/07/movies-magi…
Jealousy is very common among both Asian and North American men. The reason why it's also common among Asian men is because they are like their strict parents.
A guy from my past messaged me but I ignored it I told my boyfriend though and he got angry at me. Saying I should of stuck up for him I should I told him to F off and never message me again. But I don't like violence and that so I just ignored the message . I don't get it after 2 and a half years he still acts this jelous and protective . Like I didn't tell that guy to message me I didn't even write back. He got angry at me when I didn't even do anything 🙁
@ Chelsea. That's stranger. There is no reason for your boyfriend to be angry. You have done the right and the classy thing. There is absolutely no reason to be so rude and in-your-face with someone. Ignoring was the right thing to do.
With so many philandering women out there, including married mothers who philander, a lot of young men have difficulty trusting women, that they will enslave them to make sure they love them only and not other men.
@ Lisa. On the other hand, for many younger guys, having an affair with an older, attractive, experience woman is a dream come true. They often don't expect any particular commitment from those women and neither can they offer the same.
Women don't want commitment from men. For many young men, they would have affairs with older married women because they don't have many other men throwing themselves at them than their husband. Young women their age cannot commit to them because they have other men throwing themselves at them, including older, single desperate men.
…Mandy is absolutely CORRECT. Men that demonstrate these behaviours WANT to make it about YOU..not about THEM and thier own insecurity issues. I loved the analogy about the ' Science project". spot on. They WANT YOU to ' fix' thier issues, or put blame on YOU , misguided as that may be…because that , in itself is FAR far easier than actually having to take some responsibilty for thier own issues, address them and GROW and become enlightened.
And if a guy's mother has cheated on his father with other men while growing up, it can make him real jealous and possessive. Boys who have mothers who cheat on their fathers are more likely to grow up to be this way with women they get involved with and girls are more likely to grow up cheating on their husbands or boyfriends. Same thing with having an (emotionally) absent mother who abandoned him and his father. Boys with absent mothers are also more likely grow up to be jealous and possessive over women as well. Male jealousy is also more likely to stem from mother absence, mothers who sleep around while married to the fathers, mothers abusing fathers, etc. Women who cheat in marriages and relationships also cause their sons to be jealous and possessive over their wives or girlfriends as they get older because these women are setting a bad example, even for their daughters. Girls who have mothers like this will also end up with jealous and possessive husbands or boyfriends as well. In other words, girls with these types of mothers grow up to not be trustworthy while boys with these types of mothers grow up to not trust women they get involved with.
Male jealousy is also an American thing too. You hear of American guys being possessive and territorial over their wives or girlfriends, especially when some handsome foreign guy comes along and crosses their vision of path, for example. Yes, American guys will flip out when American girls interact with foreign guys and they will also flip out if you've cheated on past boyfriends or husbands as well and will want you to dress dull if you're very attractive like what you've learned on What Not To Wear which is to blame for you making guys feel insecure, jealous, and intimidated. In addition to that, they will prevent you from associating with other guys and having guy friends. The reason why American and Italian men get jealous is because there's a huge abundance of men to compete with in USA and Italy, for instance. Even Eastern European countries and Russia are just as bad like any other male-heavy/abundant society as well as in Asia, Mid-East, and Latin America which is worse. Canada is just as bad too. And for guys, trying to get a wife or girlfriend in Italy, USA, Eastern Europe, or Russia is dangerous as well. It's not only difficult to find one. It's just that North American, Italian, Eastern European, and Russian men can beat or kill you for talking to their wives, girlfriends, or women they are interested in. Yes, I've experienced North American guys getting jealous of me talking to foreign guys in their languages since I'm multilingual even though there may be nothing wrong with that but when they get really jealous, they try to prevent me from talking to other guys and going out on my own in which there are guys who they think are ugly and crazy that would throw themselves at me just because they accuse me of liking those guys when I don't. Is there any way to talk to guys and have guy friends without certain other guys getting extremely insecure, intimidated, and possibly jealous since I'm normally a sociable, yet multilingual person, who likes hanging out with guys a lot?
Thanks for sharing your experience. I am not so sure that this kind of jealousy is more prevalent among American men than others, but assume that you deal with this issue repeatedly, here are a few suggestions:
* When out with both your boyfriend and male friends, make sure you are not being overly flirtatious and suggestive with those other guys. Everyone likes attention and everyone likes to feel wanted, but a boyfriend is less likely to be jealous if you don't act in a way that would suggest like you are trying to seduce someone.
* Try not to rub your friendship in your boyfriend's face. He doesn't need to hang out with you and your male friends every time you are with them. If you can separate the two to the extent possible, that would be better. Of course, if he finds out, this might make even more jealous and suspicious, but you should figure out how to make the "out of sight / out of mind" work for him in this situation.
* Don't be out too late with your male friends. A boyfriend might assume that if you are out in bars and clubs with male friends, this means that you are either bored or not fulfilled with your current relationship and are looking for something else on a side, regardless of whether it's true or not.
It is also prevalent among North American men, especially in terms of racism, religious discrimination, ethnocentrism, and xenophobia towards other men of differing backgrounds talking to their wives or girlfriends.
Jealousy is very prevalent among North American men too, especially in terms of racism, xenophobia, ethnocentrism, and religious prejudice towards other men. You hear of North American men killing their wives or girlfriends out of jealousy in the news. It happens a lot.
The reason why North American men get jealous and possessive real easily is because they are instructed by puritanical/Evangelical beliefs to keep women in line and also, they tend to be very insecure.
Really thanks i ws really confused nw i m free.bt really will
Take time to move on from her.Thanks to u.
My pleasure. Best of luck to you. And remember – a better girl is coming. Just watch and see. 😉
She herself mssgd me and called me then we chatted for a month.
After that she mssgd me dont col or txt me again that her boyfriend has
Seen the texts and he doesnt liked it "i m so sorry bt he doesnt wnt me to
Talk to u"i hvnt mssgd her after that.what should i do????
It sounds like she is really confused and doesn't know what she wants, so you are better off staying away from her to avoid an obviously inevitable disappointment.
I think he likes this girl with a boyfriend.
You should have a direct and honest conversation with her to find out how she feels about you, him and what it is that she wants exactly. It's much better than wondering and trying to read her thoughts.
Hi, i want to ask a question that i luv a girl she is in relation with other
Guy but she roams with me and give all signs she loves me but at the while
I heard that she is roaming with any other guy also.Is she a good girl or
She loves his guy or flirty with evry one.They hve breakup many times
Bcz of me bt evn she get back to him and that guy dnt loves her.i m little
Confused please help me?
It sounds to me like it's time to go to the police as soon as possible.
Problem is that when i say i will leave her he
Beats me up and dnt let me go.please if ull
Advice it will be helpful.
Physical violence should be a total and absolute deal breaker regardless of how you feel about him. For your own sake and safety you should stay from any guy who physically abuses you.
He needs to realize that this kind of control over you and seclusion only makes him more unattractive and pushes you away.
I think this is an "Italian" thing. I love in the USA too and am dating a man living in Italy. He is jealous and suspicious too. But I've learned that it is in there culture and mature to be of leap is nature. Thankfully my Italian boy is not as bad as some of the me. There. But he is bad about being suspicious. Makes it hard too especially when you live In different time zones. He once accused me of flirting when I asked for bread at a bakery!?? But I love him for so many other reasons. I'm hard to deal with, I complain a lot, whine, typical girl things. But he deals like a champ. Got to love them Italians! Hope all works out with you
Interesting…. I supposed jealousy must be interpreted in a culture context.
Italian men, as a whole, must be better at accepting female nature with of its typical idiosyncrasies. This is a gross generalization of course, and like any other stereotype should be taken with a grain of salt. Italian men (and women) come in all shapes, sizes, and needless to say – with very different personalities.
Male jealousy is also a North American, Latin American, Asian, Eastern European, and Middle Eastern thing as well. What’s worse is these males are violent. This is why women avoid men from those countries/continents because of fear they will be killed. They’d rather date and marry men from more progressive societies like Scandinavians, Aussies, French, Germans, or Dutch for example because these men are less jealous and possessive and are willing to let their wives and girlfriends hang out with other men. I’m currently with an Asian-American man my Asian immigrant parents set me up with. He has me all locked up and won’t even let me go anywhere without him nor my family He’s racist towards others and doesn’t trust anyone that doesn’t have the same culture, like White people for example. He thinks all White people are bad, irresponsible, and selfish because of their individualistic culture and brags about how Asians are better because they are family-oriented and collectivist. And my parents tell me I should stay married to him due to this when I want to leave but it’s so difficult.
the best thing you can do is to gently direct him to articles on this site. He is the one who needs to take action, but first he needs to become aware and acknowledge his jealousy problem. Being open with each other instead of being accusatory will be critical to overcoming this problem and to your ability to move forward. If you can think of any good movie that you like that show the devastating effect of similar kind of jealousy, you should watch it with him. That also might be a wake up call for him.
When ii met my now bf, ii had fallen head over heels in love with him, he's a great man ii mean he cooks breakfast before he goes to work, he cooks dinner when he comes home, has my bath water ran for me when ii get off, and a nice body massage every night…pay day he hands over over 90 percent of his check to me……but then here comes the jealousy, lately it's been like everyday for like the past month, if I'm not by his side then he thinks I'm up to no good….I've tried go ensure him that ii love him and ii don't want no one but him, then he's always crying and apologizing that he will change, he's just so use to being cheated on…so I'm fed up & tell him that ii can't do it no more, then he brings a knife out & threatens to kill himself if ii ever leave him cause he can't live without me…mind you he has never put his hands on me but I'm to the point I'm scared of leaving him cause ii don't want him to harm himself, where he use to make me so happy I'm now sad & depressed, someone please help me, idk what to do
Threatened to Kill you? Are you kidding me? And you are still thinking about staying or leaving?
Thanks for sharing your interesting situation. 21 & 47 is quite an age difference by any standard. And your relationships proves an reminds to all of us not to underestimate the power of sex. Great sex is not that common and once you find it, it can be quite a bond. I am not sure what your specific question is, so please clarify and we will follow up.
I just turned 21 and my Girlfriend 47. (she would kill me if she saw this post about her age thinking someone would find out i was talking about me and her haha..) She is absoultly beautiful and takes my breath away. Ever so i have had a hard family life dealing with being taken away from my mother. I, myself, have knowlege of craving an older women because my mother lost custdy of me and my two siblings. i was adopted by a fat married couple they had my best interest at heart and did the best anyone could have done for there first time raising kids. my girl and i met when i was 18 and she ran away automaticly because she was attracted to me. she says she is the type that doesn't sleep with people real quick but it took her three years to give me the time of the day and for her to build up the courage and leave her other dope head looser theaving x boyfriends. all of her x's went crazy and one even killed him self. i don't know if that is a sign or just her taste in men. i personally have had many jobs some that include male dancing but for gay men and i am not gay but have gotten paid to do stuff. and she is older and well established and has a few kids one of witch is going to college. she has expensies and bills and now i have come one the seen dealing with personal dependency issues with marajuana she helped me through it. My life style is "in the fast lane" i suppose i just am starting to be driven crazy because now i have been messing up the relationship i just don't have time to go into details but i wasn't unfaithfull. I don't know why i feel so like she is slipping threw my fingers and i am going to forever loose her because we both are intellegent enough to know we shouldn't have had sex if we wanted our friendship to last but she is so busy with kids and work and she is always "working" i work with her sometimes. i don't live with her i live at her house she rents apartments out of in a city. one of her kids is eighteen now and knows my friends and i am not attracted to her little kid ways i somewhat am more mature than the next twenty one year old young man because i have been through some stuff dealing with people in the real world of the city that care forgot but it has made me untrusting and somewhat hard. also i have been homeless a few times and to rehab already (not bragging) my life is shits i don't see why this women loves me or is with me but i know i love her because she has shown me kindness and care that i have been missing and i give it right back but and i try but she started complaning saying i didn't have enough money and its cuz i stopped stripping cuz sometimes women are there and she even gets jellous if a gay man gives me some cash or i use him for some cash. i think being homosexual is anticreation and that is unhuman so i don't feel anything when i am dealing with those who do things that is aganst natures way of life. if its not broken don't fix it.
anyway i just know someone who reads this can make something out of it cuz i am stressing out and i please her in the bedroom but im sure every girl tells every dude they are the best the ever had every time the make love and we do it a lot. it is amazing i love it and we both know if it weren't for the sex we probably wouldn't be together. but she feels that if your having sex with someone it should be just that person no one else and we have to keep it a seceret im need help figuring out whats up and whats going on im obvously blinded by love..
I'm. 15 and I am currently going through the same thing. I am desperate for answers. My boyfriends and I have been together going on six months in but because all of his pass girlfriends have cheated on him he thinks that I am the same way. I can tell that he cares about me but he just doesn't trust me and I'm so stressed out about it. I have never on my life been a cheater and I would most definitely not do nything like that now. Someone please help me. This is too hard for me to handle 🙁 People have lied and told him things about me with other boys that's not true and all of this is killing me inside. I'm always trying to prove myslef to him but he doesn't believe. When I'm not texting him he. Thinks that I'm texting other boys. Im just so stressed out about it I don't wanna tell him though because he's not going to listen. I could go on forever….
Hi. It's more important for him to read the articles about jealousy on this site than for you. Doing the following might be helpful: first, tell him that you understand where he is coming from and while he is so suspicious. Secondly, have him read the articles on here about jealousy and overcoming the fear of losing your partner. This should be a good start. Also, remind him of the obvious things – people are different, girls are different, so he shouldn't assume that just because one or two girls did something to him in the past, you are going to do the same.
Hi I have the same prblm, my boyfriend is very jealous and cotroller, he does not want me to have friends, or talk to other guys even go out with my friends he is really hurd to deal with this situation, I love him so much, I give up everything just for him, but however he always make me jealous by talking with other girls or seduce another in forent of me, and when I fight with him he just tell me”i want to know how much you do love me” I really do love him, I am crazy about him and he is using this against me, he know that I cannot live without him, I try to but……
so plz plz help me with some advice.
The articles on jealousy on this site, including the one above should be a good start for you to start dealing with your boyfriend's jealousy issues, and if nothing helps, moving on and away from that relationship but be one option you should consider.
oh my god , my fiancee is the same jealous and jealous. i take a lots of patience but i cant take it anymore. i lost all my courage , when he doubts me on every small things, am going through a severe depression. and am unable to make a decision.
Just about 1 month later, he "caught me" not perfectly reporting where I was one night. So much for him changing his ways. I called him on it, and things blew up. I am going through a stressful time, leaving my job, sold my house, and depending on him to prep the place I am suppose to move to. So, I am nervous. I am nervous he will back out, I am nervous that he will totally return to his ways. Maybe he is just testing my boundaries. He swore he wasn't, but then called me a liar.
Its the same here with me. My boyfriend is exactly the same way. He doesn't even like the idea of me even having friend cuz he believes their influences. He even accuses me of cheating everytime me he hears about a guy that i knew in the past.
I just dont know what to do. And I too need help. I love him and everytime i say that i dont want to do it anymore, i end up giving out on myself and cant help but to call him.
We got pregnant with our first baby last November and I ended up losing the baby at 21 weeks. It tore the both of us. But now his trust issues are starting all over again. We've been through so much and I dont want to give up now when we have potential to be together for years to come. But I'm frustrated.
WHAT DO I DO????!!!!!!!
Me and my boyfriend are both jealous we never stop fighting! I cannot be comfortable around him and neither can he! It's so crazy! I love controlling him, I like it when he listens to me but I DON'T listen to him! Dafuq, he should listen to me but instead he tries controlling me lalalala… I want to leave him but I can't :
my bf i so protective and jealous whn im at work o anywhr away frm him he thnks im wth othr gyz iv been trying to tel him tht his the only guy fr m bt becz of his misarable past he dsnt trst m the worce he hv ths angr and im scared he can b violent ….nw im leaving wth him bcz he wnt m to b wth him always he bcme very happy whn i lock myslf in his house the whole day …..all of this thng im scared his gonna luz m bcz he makes m thnk of my ex-bf now and i dnt wnt to plz help
wow, I came here because I needed to know it was not me, and needed to talk. How things change. (see above note) I was preparing everything as if we had broken up and just not said the words yet. I didn't talk to him for a week. HE called me and asked me where I was emotionally with the relationship, I told him I pretty much done. He asked me to listen. HE had spent that week reading and studying and thinking on relationships , jealously and rage. He said, he was all him. He had never had felt these jealousness and rage before in a relationship and that he basically had a nervous break down, and his insecurities got the better of him. HE said he was all him and not me. HE understood what drove him there and why. He also understood that he had to address his own issues and take care of himself to be able to give to the relationship. He asked for a second chance. It left me speechless, I told him I needed to think on what he said. I gave him a second chance, a month later, it is beautiful. NO more interrogations, he is giving me breathing room, he is being emotionally supportive, I hope it is truly real and doesn't come back. I have made it very clear, that I have boundaries and I will not tolerate him crossing them. He actually respects me more for it. It may take me a few years to truly believe it, if it comes back, I am will be gone soooo fast.
OMG! We have the same situation. my boyfriend when he texted me and did not answer in a minute he thinks that I'm with other man. When I work for night duty he thinks that I don't really work that I'm just with other guy… The worse thing that he did was I was cheating with his bestfriend… For 6 years it was always like that. I'm more stress than having a fun or exciting time with him.. He's such s good man in a way of he'll give everything you need and he's always there for you. but I don't think that i can still stand his temper and jealousy… Please help…
I am having the EXACT SAME PROBLEM. I am so lost and I dont know what to do.