The most common but rarely mentioned reason for breaking up and divorce!

It is a well known fact that the rates of divorce and break-ups have been spiking throughout the western world during the past few generations, but the search for the reasons behind this social trend has not been easy. While many psychologists, relationship counselors, and other scientists and social science experts are looking for solutions to the the problem of high divorce rate, I strongly believe that understanding the rarely mentioned reasons, that lie in human nature itself, can be a key to having better and more stable romantic relationships.

We have been pressured through a wide range of channels of media to believe that being in a long-term, committed relationship and eventually marrying and having a family is the right thing to do in life for everyone. Our parents, teachers at school, friends, and co-workers seem to encourage us to follow the traditional path in life, and we can’t help but want to follow all the people around us who enter into serious, romantic relationships.

As we grow older, we feel that we need to give answers to the society why we are not quite where the world wants us to be – having all the “normal” things – a home, spouse and children.

However, there is one crucially important factor that we must not overlook as humans – we are all different from each other! While our anatomy as human creatures is obviously very similar, we are so different in many fundamental ways as individuals – our tastes and preferences in every aspect of our professional, social and personal life vary radically from one another. From food, clothing, hairstyle, to choosing a profession, friends, an area to live, and hobbies – these are just a few ways in which we are so unique and so unlike others. Not only do we have different tastes in different things, however, but our taste are also very dynamic and they change dramatically over time. Many of us remember not having liked a certain food when we where little to only love it later in life and visa versa – we often become indifference to foods that were our favorite during our childhood.

Does this mean that different things make different people happy? Well, it’s only fair to conclude exactly that. This, in turn, suggests that there is no reason why we all should have similar goals when it comes to dating and forming romantic relationships. That is, it’s very likely that the dating situation that makes one person happy might make another feel miserable. And further, it is perfectly normal and expected that different romantic relationships and dating dynamics will make us happy at different stages of our lives.

I believe, therefore, that many people are not supposed to be in a traditional committed relationship or not to be in one throughout their whole lives. That’s simply not in their nature, if you will. And it’s likely that they can’t or even shouldn’t be doing anything about “fixing” it like many of their friends and relatives would like to pressure them to do. That’s probably not where their life purpose is, and any effort to “push” in the direction that the society dictates to them but against their own essence is doomed to making them unhappy and to eventual failure.

Indeed, the most obvious and obviously overlooked reasons for a high divorce rate is the simple fact that many people are not built / designed for marital ties and for being married, and they are probably better off not doing it. Some people are not ready to settle during a certain period of their life (typically, these are the younger years of self-discovery and search), and some people will never be ready to get married and form a family. This must be accepted and respected as their nature.

A relationship is never just about receiving, but it’s just as much about giving. However, no relationship can work out if one of the partners simply does not want to be in one. Thus, it’s crucially important that we take all the time necessary to be completely honest and open with ourselves and encourage our potential or existing dating/relationship partners to be equally honest with us to have the courage to truly admit whether a committed relationship/marriage is the arrangement we really want at this point of our life, and whether it will really make us happy before we take a step in that life-changing direction.

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9 years ago

I totally agree. Marriage is not for everyone. Too bad so many people force themselves into something due to family and social pressure that would not make them happy. Some realize it sooner while others try to change themselves and force themselves to be happy in a situation where they simply can’t be.