I have asked many women which qualities they find attractive in men and what their biggest turn-offs are. Bragging and arrogance turn out to be by far the most common turn offs on a first date or any subsequent date for that matter. And this is not surprising. Bragging and talking too much usually go together and besides being simply annoying, indicate a person’s desire to compensate for those qualities that he/she feels she is lacking. This, in turn, indicates one’s great degree of insecurity.
For instance, a person’s obsession with designer clothing might ironically indicate his insecurity about his financial situation and therefore a corresponding desire to make a statement about his success without actual achievement of that success. Thus, wearing high-end clothing is one quick way in which he can show to the outside world that he does better financially than he actually does.
When a person describes himself as intelligent and educated, it is usually because he feels the need to mention it since he finds it difficult to convey his intelligence in a much more effective way – through his actions. Many people love to define themselves as “independent.” But, why would anyone have a need to call himself independent, unless he feels that his freedom and ability to choose are somehow threatened.
Similarly, bragging and talking too much are some of the most unattractive qualities in both men and women. These flaws are easy to discover and they become apparent and irritating as early as a first date. I have met quite a few beautiful women in my life. Many of them had a lot going for them, but I simply couldn’t stand some of them shortly after I met them because they would simply not… shut up. They would completely dominate the conversation and would go into the greatest detail about their lives and accomplishments that was far too personal to disclose to someone like me, who they didn’t know very well. That single trait of excessive talkativeness would completely turn me off and would “neutralize” all of the other great qualities that I saw in those women.
Looking back, I can say with full certainty that the most calm and grounded women never described themselves as “drama free.” The most “polished” and sophisticated women never described themselves as “classy” and the most driven and ambitious women never described themselves as “independent.” They probably didn’t feel the need to announce that, and they must have known that the above qualities are shown through actions rather than words.
Don’t take me wrong. I do not advocate excessive modesty, and I do not suggest that you should undermine your achievements and your self-worth. I wish to encourage you, however, to make sure that your confidence is subtle which is far more attractive to the opposite sex than someone who can’t stop talking about his/her accomplishments without being asked for. By allowing your potential or existing partner to find out about your great qualities gradually – from your actions and from the overall story of your life and not simply from what you say about yourself, you will project the very attractive quality of high self-esteem. It will then become obvious to your dating partner that you do not have the need to prove anything to anybody, since you have already proven your skills and abilities to yourself and to the world.