Men’s tendency to cheat on the women they date and even have strong feelings for is one of the most common and the most painful issues that women have to deal with in their relationships with guys. So many women can recount numerous relationships during which they found out that their guy was not faithful. Sometimes, they guy would be cheating on them with some random girl that he met at work or at a bar, while at other times it would be someone the girl knew fairly well or it was even her friend. Being scarred by prior disappointments in guys who cheated on them, many women are unable to enjoy their present relationship, even when everything seems to be great, because of that constant fear that sooner or later their boyfriend, or a husband will cheat on them, just like the others did in the past.
Even though it is impossible to fully protect and “insure” yourself from being cheated on, I strongly believe that understanding the reasons behind this common sexual behavior of a typical, modern man in a western society is important for one major reason: it will help you, as a woman, handle yourself and the situation much better if your current or future partner does end up having an affair and cheating you, by making it easier for you to decide whether you should give it another chance and forgive the guy who cheated or whether you should break your relationship off and never look back.
Here are the top three common reasons why men cheat:
1. The first most common reason why men cheat has nothing to do with the woman that they are cheating on.
Most men are driven by a powerful natural force to seek novelty and variety when it comes to sexual partners. There is more to that drive than just trying to get laid. The desire to be liked and attract women is one of the most significant ways through which men are able to validate their masculinity and sense of self worth. This has always been, is, and will always be at the core of male nature among humans and many other living beings. For some men this stage of life is short, and by late 20’s or early 30’s they “snap” out of it. Other guys continue to play the field for much longer or even for the rest of their active lives. Playing the field now is of course easier than than ever before with the emergency of overwhelming popularity of online dating, which makes it all the more tempting to date and sleep with tons of people.
Some men “settle down” or marry while they still have this urge to have new and multiple sexual partners and many of them act on it. Thus, no matter how wonderful their girlfriend or wife is going to be, they will not stop pursuing new interactions with women and new sexual experiences. Nothing will replace the excitement of, and the satisfaction from, having new experiences with new female partners, and it would be pointless to try to change such a guy. This desire for novelty and variety of dating and sexual partners is particularly strong among divorced men who come out of a long (unhappy / sexless) marriage. Feeling that they missed out on all the fun of being single and free for their ten, fifteen or twenty years of married life, they are very eager to make up for it by reverting to a 20’s lifestyle of going out to bars and clubs as often as possible, being active on a bunch of different dating sites, and taking other steps to meet and have sex with as many women as possible, including traveling to other countries where sex is more available.
2. The second most common reason men cheat is because many women are simply not good enough in bed to keep their partner sexually excited and satisfied.
They don’t know what they are doing with their bodies, hands and mouth. Few men will stick around and appreciate a woman who is a mediocre sex partner. I have seen many guys dump very beautiful women for that exact reason. Those women’s beauty was “neutralized” by their incompetence or their behavior during intimacy that chilled romance, or by their being boring in bed and not offering a sexual experience that’s “spicy” enough to keep the guy’s interest in the long run. Just like a woman who was bored on a date is not going to return that guy’s call or text, the guy who has been bored with his girlfriend or a wife in bed is going to start looking for an adventure an excitement on a side. This is especially likely to happen if that guy had experienced great and exciting sex in the past with you or with some other woman, and he is looking for an equally good experience today.
3. The third common reason why men cheat is because some women have nothing else to offer but their physical beauty and sex.
It is ironic, but if the guy only gets sexual satisfaction from a woman and he is not stimulated by her in any other way, he is probably going to be seeking an affair as well, because he knows that sexual experience that doesn’t transcend physical connection cannot match physical intimacy that’s couple with great mental connection. A guy will pretend to like the girl just to get in her pants, but if there is nothing else between them besides sexual attraction and they have nothing to talk or laugh about outside of bad, that affair is doomed to be limited to sex and in time till that guy finds a better or at least newer “deal”. It’s a hard question to ask yourself about you and your relationships with men, but if the guys you date keep cheating on you, you have to ask yourself – is it possible that you didn’t really enjoy each other’s company outside of bed, and is there anything you can do to become a more interesting company to the kind of men you like, so that they will appreciate you outside of bed.
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I don’t think the people are catching on the reality of the fact these are reasons for a male human to justify cheating in their cheating mind. As women are able to do the same, this is an article driven by the thoughts of the man. Yet, all you pea brained humans will attack the notions it contains as if they are not actually justifiable, when in reality they very much are. Doesn’t have to be that complex and yes it can be sexist it’s primal as Anonymous 12 stated and yet it seems like people are mad that it’s attacking the female partner. Well no fucking shit. You can switch it with a gay man and it can be the same shit!!!!! Why are you complaining. The female one is just as bad and you will be like yeah sister fuck that boring poindexter! But, as soon as a male driven article comes up you feminazi’s need to attack. Guess what, you guys can cheat because a man has zero sexual performance or no money or car or something and take advantage of us too. Shut the fuck up. Good people will be good, ignorant will SPREAD IGNORANCE, and bad will be the shit beneath the rubble rotting.
Communication is key, but not a lot of partners communicate with each other thoroughly. Having different desires isn’t meant to hurt anyone even though it sucks we are all capable of changing our minds. Instead of being ignorant to the human nature we all have an ignoring the vibrations of the Earth let’s be a bit more attentive towards it and say shit man it happens. Why cry because I am able to do the same shit. Oh you don’t want to? Then learn to experience all situations without hoping you will live a fucking perfect life prince/princess.
Alright everyone, I know life’s SO HARD but WE CAN DO IT! Sure cheating is wrong, some people actually fantasize about it too their partner cheating another topic called cuckolding/cuckquaening. Oh, but you didn’t realize their were actual sexual fantasies about cheating either, since you are all so vastly educated in everything. Doesn’t mean it’s for everyone but it means there are options. Be a big boy or girl and get a fucking life. Oh you got kids? I came from a broken home and my mom and dad taught me if it’s not meant to be not meant to be it’s better to be not clouded with issues and help the kids rather than be with each other and fight cheat etc.
Smfh.
Thanks for your thoughts and for sharing your experience. Just to clarify – this article does not attempt to justify cheating. It only explains the reasons behind it.
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I agree that if you plan to stay with a cheater don’t try to find any information. However, in my case I needed it in my state in order to file for a divorce and come out of the relationship. You can’t just say I think courts want proof or you end up spending a lot of time and money to fight it out! Finding out was hard, but I was relieved that I wasn’t crazy and it’s making my divorce go a lot smoother. He would never confess; therefore, I did the best thing for me…find out, no doubt, move on!!!contact hotcyberlord@gmail.com..he’s a professional and will surely help you out,tell him from Jes
Lots of things in life are primal and have reason behind them that is human in nature, like a man’s desires. This article insinuates that the woman has to do things in bed or outside to keep her man interested. Oh come on… the MAN has to keep the woman interested, romanced, secure and participate equally. Crapolla. All of it. All this crap is an excuse for poor character. If you feel you cannot be or do not want to be committed to one person SIMPLY do not do it. If you find this while in relationship.. end the relationship. PERIOD END OF STORY.
THERE MAY BE REASONS TO WANT MUTLIPLE PARTNERS
BUT THERE IS NO REASON TO CHEAT OTHER THAN BAD CHARACTER
HAVE AS MUCH SEX AND OTHERS AS YOU DESIRE – SIMPLY DO NOT COMMIT OR END COMMITTMENT FIRST
THERE IS NO REASON TO CHEAT. NO COMMITTMENT TO OTHER, THERE IS NO CHEATING.
CHEATING IS STEALING ANOTHER’S REALITY, LIFE AND RISKING THEIR HEALTH.
IF YOU CHEAT, YOU ARE WEAK, POOR CHARACTER AND OUTRIGHT EVIL.
DON’T COMMIT THEN THERE IS NO ONE TO CHEAT ON.
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Sorry/not sorry… cheating is 100% both the fault and responsibility of the cheater and has absolutely nothing to do with the person getting cheated on. You men need to start taking responsibility for your own actions and stop blaming it on women. And yes it works both ways! People don’t need excuses to cheat they just look for them purposely because they are too cowardly to admit that they can’t commit or stay committed. Quit blaming and punishing your partners for your own selfish inadequacies.
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NOT true RealityCheck I have been married for 21 years to the most amazing man in the world and he suddenly cheated. I have NEVER strayed from the marriage for any reason whatsoever. I do NOT believe in cheating for any reason whatsoever. You make a commitment and you stick with it until DEATH do us PART.
If you think he’s the most amazing man in the world then you might be fooling yourself. If he is the most amazing man then he lacks character and compassion. To hurt someone’s heart that you profess to love shows lack of character and compassion. Just my opinion.
fuck all of that shit!!! if somebody wants to cheat, then they just need to be honest with the person they are with and break it off so they don’t get hurt and probably just be fucking single…who knows, he or she could be weirdly aroused by it for all u know either way at least your being honest with them as well as yourself….simple as that, all these excuses for what?? doing what u already knew u would do if u had the chance…not telling them because u don’t want to hurt them??? lol knowing full well that if they knew u what you were doing it would fucking destroy them, well its ridiculous, u know when there is a connection with somebody or not and the fact that your still around engaging it should let u know what your intentions are, it doesn’t just arise…maybe just have morals instead of putting yourself in a situation that will end badly, lets just call it what it is and stop “justifying” your human nature…except what kind of person u are or you’ll never be happy just try not to drag people down along with u…..whether or not u don’t want to end up alone…. whoever got it in their head that cheating was going to solve that problem was truly disturbed… u cheat because your a piece of shit and put your “desires” above all else….there is a difference between reality and fantasy and the fact that people seemed confused by their compulsiveness of doing whatever it was they intended on doing in the first place and then try to play it off as if they were just as confused as u were…fucking amuses me…as if the world and our disgusting fixation revolving around sex has nothing to do with our actions…NOPE WE CONSTANTLY have to find some hidden physiological reasoning behind our corrupt way of thinking 🙂 well the only thing that seems to be hidden is people just being honest with themselves about who they are and what it is they want..and if u dont know then dont try and be with somebody who clearly does or let them know in advance ur not monogamous 🙂 .no more no less.
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Women are the Absolute Worst when it comes to Cheating.
Rita is not off base. She has brought up some very good points. Men and women today are not the same as our mothers, fathers , and grandparents. People do not understand the meaning of sacrifice or committment. Social Media has opened the flood gates in the world of cheating. Especially in the areas of ex 's. People do not understand boundaries or respect for others and their lives. Women have lost complete respect not only for other women and their families , but for themselves. It's classic Narcissism and it's one of the most destructive forms of mental, emotional and verbal abuse. The narcissist can and will justify anything to satisfy their own desires. A narcissist will deprive a partner or spouse of love and sex to a degrading and evil level, all the while getting their kicks elsewhere. They like to keep two on hand and discard one or both for a more desirable third. The need for attention. , compliments, supply, that drives everything they do . They are never wrong , it's all your fault, they say they never said or did things, they make uou question your own sanity. It's a really pathological cycle. The lies will continue and get worse. If you think you may be with a narcissist. Get the hell away. These are evil people. Cheating is just a small part of their pathology.
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Not trying to spin as ethical, but when something as common as cheating and having affairs takes place, trying to understand it is far more useful and productive than simply continuing to condemn it like everyone else does.
I must definitely agree.
I agree, m live-in boyfriend of 4 years cheated on me then dumped me for one of the many side chicks. A year after our break up I see it was his childhood issues and constant need of validation, admiration, and happy pushing that led to his cheating and betrayal. I no blame myself. He never had the courage to come to me and tell me what he needed and was feeling unhappy about. Instead he decided to seek outside fixes from other women telling them his issues getting their comfort and the one who said she will make him "happy" is now his new "love of his life"….he didn't take a break in between relationships.
My ex doesn't want to face his childhood demons. From the stories ive heard from him & his family he needs professional help. I dont hate him and I know he has too much emotional issues and will continue to cheat on this new girl and break up he's a repeat offender until he faces himself and finds happiness from within.
There are no good reasons to cheat. Communicate, communicate, communicate!!!! If you can't talk to your partner then youll never have genuine happiness with your partner or with yourself.
Thank you for sharing your experience and your conclusion. Indeed, communication is critical to the health of any relationship, but for many people it's often scary to be honest, as they don't want to lose what they have and they don't want to risk it by being honest, so they hide their feelings or their affairs for a long time, seeking comfort in having both – the relationship and the affair at the same time.
Rita here acts like a typical self-obsessed woman. She refuses to lay ANY blame on a woman, and just resorts to insults against men to explain cheating.
Practical Happiness makes no excuses for men; the very first point in his list is about a scenario where it is not the woman's fault, but a man simply instinctively seeks novelty. This is true. He doesn't say a man SHOULD keep seeking novelty, or that he shouldn't; he just explains a man's instinct. That instinct comes from evolution, as we know: the men with the strongest drive to sleep with many women spread their behavior genes more.
However, it is useless to try explain this to someone like Rita. Let alone explain to her that a woman who is fat, boring, annoying, and acts like a wooden log in bed can drive a man to seek better sex elsewhere. I suppose in Rita's world, men are also scum or breaking up with a girlfriend. Only a girl has the right to break up. The girl couldn't possibly do anything to motivate the guy to leave her.
Rita's lack of intelligence and lack of facts shows clearly in her last paragraph: "and western men are HIGHLY promiscuous. Everyone knows that. they don't make good husbands or fathers in general."
Um, no, "everyone" doesn't know that, and you offer no statistics. The exact opposite is true: Western men, especially of northern European stock, are the LEAST promiscuous in the world. It is common among men in Latin America, China, India, the Middle East, to think nothing of seeking out prostitutes regularly even while married, or to cheat in a wife with the non-professional kidn. To say nothing of men in Africa, where infidelity is rampant.
So why does Rita claim that Western men would be more promiscuous than others? Probably because no man will go out with her. And you know it can't be HER fault. It has to be because men are scum. She happens to live in the West, so it is Western men who are scum.
@ Arbiter. Thank you for clarifying the message in the article. It appears that too many female readers assume way too much, when reading the article.
What Rita says could be applied to women as well. Men may also cheat to avenge being cheated on in the past, feeling ok to betray the next person as a proxy form of payback to all women due to resentment to their ex. This also applies to hurt women who prefer casual flings to intimacy as a result of past hurt.
based on what I've read in the comments, I can translate what everyone is actually saying:
"I don't like this article, therefore it is wrong and I am going to throw a bitchfit about it."
Listen girls, this article only explains why men cheat, and it is pretty accurate. It does NOT blame you for any of his actions. Simply because you are dissatisfied with the reality of men doesn't make this article invalid in any way. you may have to learn to accept what men are rather than denying it and forming scorn of all men.
@Daniel. Thanks. A lot of people who comment don't like to hear the truth, but, of course, truth is not always something we want or like to hear and that's something they seem to be forgetting.
The reality of cheating men. What sort of person commits to someone they find boring and mentally dull? Often people rush in and commit instead of finding a suitable partner before commiting? Cheating cannot occur where commitment wasn’t promised or implied; however, remaining in casual flings is hardly fulfilling.
thank you for the thoughtfulness to share your past experiences for girls/women like me a warning and some helpful advice. =) Thank you.
hey Michelle, haha~ dyu mind giving me some advice? from what you've described, you and your husband have a pretty good relationship that i admire and want for myself someday; i'm not married yet or anything, but i feel like you guys set an example how a relationship should be; please give me some advice of how you guys connected/interests/etc. and keep things interesting (not get super bored stays close)? I would reallyyy appreciate it! ^-^
and i would also just like to point out that many women have a high sex drive. I am in a very happy healthy relationship with a man that I trust and we do not have any problems. We are together almost five years and our sex life gets better and better.
We still have sex at least 4-5 times a week, sometimes more and we regularly give and receive oral. Both willing to try new things and he tells me I am amazing in bed and so is he.
The key to a good sex life is a happy relationship so why don't you men have a think about that before you blame your partner for the lack of sex. Maybe it is your fault that she does not want you!
Haha this is ridiculous. There is no scientific proof that men are meant to have multiple partners. There is actually more scientific evidence that men are meant to settle down with one women and start a family. Mens hormones vasopressin and dopamine play a huge role in how they fall in love and these hormones surge during and after sex.
This is all a load of crap-just an excuse for men who want to cheat to delude themselves into believing it is normal but any healthy human being will tell you there is nothing natural or good about having multiple sexual partners. Most people see that as disgusting.
Some men think with their penis yes but they obviously have some weird hormone imbalance that leads to poor self control or else they simply just lack empathy for their partner and they couldn’t care less how their behavior affects her.
In short these men should never settle down or start a family as they probably wont be happy in a monogamous relationship and will just make their partner unhappy. We all know who the players are-which men to avoid and we all know that all men are not like that
@ Michelle – there is actually plenty of scientific proof, and socio-evolutionary studies that suggest that men are biologically driven toward having a variety of sexual partners. Whether they should control that drive as human beings with at least some free will for the sake of greater good and bigger values is a different question, but one thing is clear – if it didn’t hurt anyone, it would be every single’s guy dream to have some kind of harem and have sex with a different woman every day or at the same time.
Socio-evolutionary studies show that women were naturally promiscuous and the “civilised” concept of monogamy developed to ensure that men were protecting their offspring. Check Vico, the new science, for trends toward honouring birth, death and monogamy as notions of evolving social values. As women feel a natural urge to procreate and mate they would also be naturally promiscuous and hence society repressed their sexuality to ensure men felt more secure. Look at how primitive societies still punish women for displaying sexual freedom. Today women still attract men’s attention and have more opportunities for sex than visa versa but feel stigmatised if they engage in sexual experimentation whereas men are validated for sexual conquests. Cheating rules apply to avoid hurt, conflict and confusion and encourage security through bonding to one mate. Often intimacy issues rather than sexual needs lead to cheating as most people desire a sense of connection and closeness with a partner to enhance sexual desire and pleasure.
Interesting information. How do we know that this is the case – the women were naturally promiscuous at first?
I couldn't agree w this last comment more. I have been cheated on in the past and it was a painful experience. I left the 2 boys (can't call them men) because I felt in my heart that they would never change. The second time it happend I was newly engaged and we had just bought our first home together. We moved in the end of may and was moving out by the end of August. I gave him a chance to tell me the truth and he lied straight to my face as tears were streaming down my face. I told him that I already knew the truth so plz don't lie to me, he swore up and down begging on his knees that "nothing" happened. I stood there in pure disgust and knew that I had to leave, I had to leave for me, not because I didn't love him but I knew when he lied to me when given the opportunity to be open and honest and the lied threw his teeth that he would not only do it again but felt no shame in what he had done. The next week while he was at work I packed all of my belongings and left our home. All I left behind was the key to the house and my beautiful engagement ring that meant nothing. That day, at age 25, I was reborn, invigorated and I held my head high because I knew I was walking away from someone that didn't deserve me or my wedding vows as I always promised myself that when I said "I do" that it would be forever and that boy was not ready for that. Now, I'm not saying I'm perfect, far from it, but I know what I bring to a relationship. Having been hurt several times I realized that I was allowing it to happen because of my kind, forgiving nature. 1. He never thought I would find out 2. He never thought that I'd leave 3. He thought for sure if I did it would be "no big deal" she always forgives me well on that day he was sadly mistaken. It wasn't the fact that he cheated I was willing to deal with it and move on, little bump in the road, but was the way he looked at me as he was lying to my face without even a blink of an eye or a stutter. I knew at that very moment he didn't love me. He loved the idea of me the comfort of me. A young successful nurse with a bright future a go getter and on top of that I was raised by a single mom in which I learned to never depend on a man to care for you. As a woman you strive to be better and you plant those feet firmly in the ground and go after what you want and need in life, not what someone else thinks is good for you. I never looked back after the day I left an it wasn't until almost 4 years after I left that I ran into him while out to diner with some friends. The look on his face was priceless, a sense of satisfaction for me because I felt the pain in his heart he knew by the look on my face that I had moved on and was happy. The best part was he was wearing a t-shirt I had bought for him that said "I'm a keeper". I couldn't help but laugh to myself because that was one of the few things that he probably had left from our relationship. Anyway, I walked away being a better person having been betrayed by a boy that I almost gave my heart to. It taught me a lot about life in general and to never take anything for granted because probably more times than not you will be the one on the short end of the stick if your head over heels in love. As I like to say, "if things seem to good to be true they probably are". As a young woman and now a mother of two I know my self worth and what I have to offer it took me many years of pain and heart ache to achieve that but now that I know I will stand my ground, stand tall and proud and will never settle for anything less than what I deserve. Although, what I consider as my main trait "people pleaser" is also my worst enemy. People tend to mistake my kindness for weakness or being naive an I was for a long time and was taken advantage of several times before I learned that yes you treat others how you wish to be treated but that does NOT mean they will. So to all of you "us" that have been cheated, betrayed, manipulated and walked on let's take a stand together and be proud, strong and never let anyone hurt us. I always say I'm an ordinary woman trying to do extrordinary things in an not so ordinary world. Lol. I love my life and my family but I didn't get this far without the scars from the past but each time I look at them, I thank myself for standing up for what I believe in, what I want, what I need and most importantly what I have to give, my love who could ask for more… Hang in there things will always get better. I'll leave you with a great quote, " rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life".
Thanks for your perspective. It sounds like you have gone through a lot emotionally. However, experiencing that much satisfaction from seeing your ex regretting in some way for what he has done suggests that you are not quite over of it and that anger is still present in you. You will only truly be over this once you don’t experience this feeling and one’s that man’s pains and regrets don’t bring you any pleasure.
One more load of self-serving bovine scatology about why men cheat..heavily skewed with the “evolutionary” theory of male promiscuity.
Men (and women) commit adultery (“cheating” is too trivial a term) because they MAKE A DECISION TO DO SO and allow lust to over ride character, integrity, and commitment…while in search of the ever elusive constant “high.” People who cannot endure life without needing to feel like they are deeply “in love” all the time are dangerous.
There are people who commit adultery, demand a divorce, and destroy marriages despite good spouses and a robust love life at home. I know because I have experienced the ugly end of adulterous behavior.
All too frequently adulterers regret the consequences of their actions (if they live long enough) but often they are too proud to own their transgressions, apologize, and make amends …continuing to blame the betrayed spouse for their own character weaknesses and misbehavior.
I have reubuilt my life from the foundation up (necessary after such destruction of trust and betrayal of intimacy), am active, healthy, content, and can and do openly date decent men who can be comfortable around the children and grandchildren.
My X never gives any indication of having any woman in his life, is becoming more and more reclusive, fussy and old acting, as well as distancing from the children and grandchildren. They indicate that he is apparently a functioning alcoholic these four years post divorce. Great life eh?
So sad for him that he will miss the best years of my life …and his high-romance affair partner is still married to her own husband with no indications of leaving the marriage! She never left her “meal ticket” for her prior affairees…I don’t know why X thought HE would be different or special to her.
So sad what adultery does to families. God did NOT put that 7th Commandment there because HE is a kill-joy. HE put it there for our own protection. But too many people just have to learn the leson the hard way.
If someone feels that he or she is not “getting” enough love at home the odds are real high that he or she is not “giving” enough love at home.