Top Three Reasons Why Men Cheat

why men cheatMen’s tendency to cheat on the women they date and even have strong feelings for is one of the most common and the most painful issues that women have to deal with in their relationships with guys. So many women can recount numerous relationships during which they found out that their guy was not faithful. Sometimes, they guy would be cheating on them with some random girl that he met at work or at a bar, while at other times it would be someone the girl knew fairly well or it was even her friend. Being scarred by prior disappointments in guys who cheated on them, many women are unable to enjoy their present relationship, even when everything seems to be great, because of that constant fear that sooner or later their boyfriend, or a husband will cheat on them, just like the others did in the past.

Even though it is impossible to fully protect and “insure” yourself from being cheated on, I strongly believe that understanding the reasons behind this common sexual behavior of a typical, modern man in a western society is important for one major reason:  it will help you, as a woman, handle yourself and the situation much better if your current or future partner does end up having an affair and cheating you, by making it easier for you to decide whether you should give it another chance and forgive the guy who cheated or whether you should break your relationship off and never look back.

Here are the top three common reasons why men cheat:

1. The first most common reason why men cheat has nothing to do with the woman that they are cheating on.

Most men are driven by a powerful natural force to seek novelty and variety when it comes to sexual partners. There is more to that drive than just trying to get laid. The desire to be liked and attract women is one of the most significant ways through which men are able to validate their masculinity and sense of self worth. This has always been, is, and will always be at the core of male nature among humans and many other living beings. For some men this stage of life is short, and by late 20’s or early 30’s they “snap” out of it. Other guys continue to play the field for much longer or even for the rest of their active lives. Playing the field now is of course easier than than ever before with the emergency of overwhelming popularity of online dating, which makes it all the more tempting to date and sleep with tons of people.

Some men “settle down” or marry while they still have this urge to have new and multiple sexual partners and many of them act on it. Thus, no matter how wonderful their girlfriend or wife is going to be, they will not stop pursuing new interactions with women and new sexual experiences. Nothing will replace the excitement of, and the satisfaction from, having new experiences with new female partners, and it would be pointless to try to change such a guy. This desire for novelty and variety of dating and sexual partners is particularly strong among divorced men who come out of a long (unhappy / sexless)  marriage. Feeling that they missed out on all the fun of being single and free for their ten, fifteen or twenty years of married life, they are very eager to make up for it by reverting to a 20’s lifestyle of going out to bars and clubs as often as possible, being active on a bunch of different dating sites, and taking other steps to meet and have sex with as many women as possible, including traveling to other countries where sex is more available.

2. The second most common reason men cheat is because many women are simply not good enough in bed to keep their partner sexually excited and satisfied.

They don’t know what they are doing with their bodies, hands and mouth. Few men will stick around and appreciate a woman who is a mediocre sex partner. I have seen many guys dump very beautiful women for that exact reason. Those women’s beauty was “neutralized” by their incompetence or their behavior during intimacy that chilled romance, or by their being boring in bed and not offering a sexual experience that’s “spicy” enough to keep the guy’s interest in the long run. Just like a woman who was bored on a date is not going to return that guy’s call or text, the guy who has been bored with his girlfriend or a wife in bed is going to start looking for an adventure an excitement on a side. This is especially likely to happen if that guy had experienced great and exciting sex in the past with you or with some other woman, and he is looking for an equally good experience today.

3. The third common reason why men cheat is because some women have nothing else to offer but their physical beauty and sex.

It is ironic, but if the guy only gets sexual satisfaction from a woman and he is not stimulated by her in any other way, he is probably going to be seeking an affair as well, because he knows that sexual experience that doesn’t transcend physical connection cannot match physical intimacy that’s couple with great mental connection. A guy will pretend to like the girl just to get in her pants, but if there is nothing else between them besides sexual attraction and they have nothing to talk or laugh about outside of bad, that affair is doomed to be limited to sex and in time till that guy finds a better or at least newer “deal”. It’s a hard question to ask yourself about you and your relationships with men, but if the guys you date keep cheating on you, you have to ask yourself – is it possible that you didn’t really enjoy each other’s company outside of bed, and is there anything you can do to become a more interesting company to the kind of men you like, so that they will appreciate you outside of bed.

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  • Cheri Perry

    If you think he’s the most amazing man in the world then you might be fooling yourself. If he is the most amazing man then he lacks character and compassion. To hurt someone’s heart that you profess to love shows lack of character and compassion. Just my opinion.

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  • Thanks for your thoughts and for sharing your experience. Just to clarify – this article does not attempt to justify cheating. It only explains the reasons behind it.

  • Sophoklez

    I don’t think the people are catching on the reality of the fact these are reasons for a male human to justify cheating in their cheating mind. As women are able to do the same, this is an article driven by the thoughts of the man. Yet, all you pea brained humans will attack the notions it contains as if they are not actually justifiable, when in reality they very much are. Doesn’t have to be that complex and yes it can be sexist it’s primal as Anonymous 12 stated and yet it seems like people are mad that it’s attacking the female partner. Well no fucking shit. You can switch it with a gay man and it can be the same shit!!!!! Why are you complaining. The female one is just as bad and you will be like yeah sister fuck that boring poindexter! But, as soon as a male driven article comes up you feminazi’s need to attack. Guess what, you guys can cheat because a man has zero sexual performance or no money or car or something and take advantage of us too. Shut the fuck up. Good people will be good, ignorant will SPREAD IGNORANCE, and bad will be the shit beneath the rubble rotting.

    Communication is key, but not a lot of partners communicate with each other thoroughly. Having different desires isn’t meant to hurt anyone even though it sucks we are all capable of changing our minds. Instead of being ignorant to the human nature we all have an ignoring the vibrations of the Earth let’s be a bit more attentive towards it and say shit man it happens. Why cry because I am able to do the same shit. Oh you don’t want to? Then learn to experience all situations without hoping you will live a fucking perfect life prince/princess.

    Alright everyone, I know life’s SO HARD but WE CAN DO IT! Sure cheating is wrong, some people actually fantasize about it too their partner cheating another topic called cuckolding/cuckquaening. Oh, but you didn’t realize their were actual sexual fantasies about cheating either, since you are all so vastly educated in everything. Doesn’t mean it’s for everyone but it means there are options. Be a big boy or girl and get a fucking life. Oh you got kids? I came from a broken home and my mom and dad taught me if it’s not meant to be not meant to be it’s better to be not clouded with issues and help the kids rather than be with each other and fight cheat etc.


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  • Anonymous 12

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  • Getting There

    Lots of things in life are primal and have reason behind them that is human in nature, like a man’s desires. This article insinuates that the woman has to do things in bed or outside to keep her man interested. Oh come on… the MAN has to keep the woman interested, romanced, secure and participate equally. Crapolla. All of it. All this crap is an excuse for poor character. If you feel you cannot be or do not want to be committed to one person SIMPLY do not do it. If you find this while in relationship.. end the relationship. PERIOD END OF STORY.






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  • Syren Song

    Sorry/not sorry… cheating is 100% both the fault and responsibility of the cheater and has absolutely nothing to do with the person getting cheated on. You men need to start taking responsibility for your own actions and stop blaming it on women. And yes it works both ways! People don’t need excuses to cheat they just look for them purposely because they are too cowardly to admit that they can’t commit or stay committed. Quit blaming and punishing your partners for your own selfish inadequacies.

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  • Thanks for your perspective. It sounds like you have gone through a lot emotionally. However, experiencing that much satisfaction from seeing your ex regretting in some way for what he has done suggests that you are not quite over of it and that anger is still present in you. You will only truly be over this once you don’t experience this feeling and one’s that man’s pains and regrets don’t bring you any pleasure.

  • Interesting information. How do we know that this is the case – the women were naturally promiscuous at first?

  • chris cunningham

    Socio-evolutionary studies show that women were naturally promiscuous and the “civilised” concept of monogamy developed to ensure that men were protecting their offspring. Check Vico, the new science, for trends toward honouring birth, death and monogamy as notions of evolving social values. As women feel a natural urge to procreate and mate they would also be naturally promiscuous and hence society repressed their sexuality to ensure men felt more secure. Look at how primitive societies still punish women for displaying sexual freedom. Today women still attract men’s attention and have more opportunities for sex than visa versa but feel stigmatised if they engage in sexual experimentation whereas men are validated for sexual conquests. Cheating rules apply to avoid hurt, conflict and confusion and encourage security through bonding to one mate. Often intimacy issues rather than sexual needs lead to cheating as most people desire a sense of connection and closeness with a partner to enhance sexual desire and pleasure.

  • chris cunningham

    The reality of cheating men. What sort of person commits to someone they find boring and mentally dull? Often people rush in and commit instead of finding a suitable partner before commiting? Cheating cannot occur where commitment wasn’t promised or implied; however, remaining in casual flings is hardly fulfilling.

  • chris cunningham

    What Rita says could be applied to women as well. Men may also cheat to avenge being cheated on in the past, feeling ok to betray the next person as a proxy form of payback to all women due to resentment to their ex. This also applies to hurt women who prefer casual flings to intimacy as a result of past hurt.

  • maximusandrewday

    NOT true RealityCheck I have been married for 21 years to the most amazing man in the world and he suddenly cheated. I have NEVER strayed from the marriage for any reason whatsoever. I do NOT believe in cheating for any reason whatsoever. You make a commitment and you stick with it until DEATH do us PART.

  • Hannah

    fuck all of that shit!!! if somebody wants to cheat, then they just need to be honest with the person they are with and break it off so they don’t get hurt and probably just be fucking single…who knows, he or she could be weirdly aroused by it for all u know either way at least your being honest with them as well as yourself….simple as that, all these excuses for what?? doing what u already knew u would do if u had the chance…not telling them because u don’t want to hurt them??? lol knowing full well that if they knew u what you were doing it would fucking destroy them, well its ridiculous, u know when there is a connection with somebody or not and the fact that your still around engaging it should let u know what your intentions are, it doesn’t just arise…maybe just have morals instead of putting yourself in a situation that will end badly, lets just call it what it is and stop “justifying” your human nature…except what kind of person u are or you’ll never be happy just try not to drag people down along with u…..whether or not u don’t want to end up alone…. whoever got it in their head that cheating was going to solve that problem was truly disturbed… u cheat because your a piece of shit and put your “desires” above all else….there is a difference between reality and fantasy and the fact that people seemed confused by their compulsiveness of doing whatever it was they intended on doing in the first place and then try to play it off as if they were just as confused as u were…fucking amuses me…as if the world and our disgusting fixation revolving around sex has nothing to do with our actions…NOPE WE CONSTANTLY have to find some hidden physiological reasoning behind our corrupt way of thinking 🙂 well the only thing that seems to be hidden is people just being honest with themselves about who they are and what it is they want..and if u dont know then dont try and be with somebody who clearly does or let them know in advance ur not monogamous 🙂 .no more no less.

  • Thank you.

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  • live laugh love 41

    I must definitely agree.

  • RealityCheck

    Women are the Absolute Worst when it comes to Cheating.

  • Life is not fair that way. Sometimes you do everything you can in your power to satisfy your lover, but it doesn’t cut. It’s not a good thing or a bad thing; it just is.

  • @ Michelle – there is actually plenty of scientific proof, and socio-evolutionary studies that suggest that men are biologically driven toward having a variety of sexual partners. Whether they should control that drive as human beings with at least some free will for the sake of greater good and bigger values is a different question, but one thing is clear – if it didn’t hurt anyone, it would be every single’s guy dream to have some kind of harem and have sex with a different woman every day or at the same time.

  • While some men are truly driven to have affairs because of the less than fulfilling (love) life at home, and others are simply looking for action on a side, one thing is true – hoping that the guy will be faithful to a lover after not being faithful to his wife is overly optimistic, at best, and naive.

  • Mel

    ARRGGGH! If any woman is reading this please do not believe the man like the one described by ‘ex muse’. I have known a number of women who have had affairs with married men. They all said they were unhappy in their marriage, sex starved, their wife didn’t look after herself or their marriage and felt alive with their new lover. All this is very often untrue and the men are having an active sex and love life with both women. Do not be fooled and fall for men who are unfaithful to those they made a commitment to. Do you really believe that a man proving unrestrained lust will be able to refrain for your sake in the future?

  • This kind of mindset will surely lead any woman to a loveless life.

  • Serphine

    Rita is not off base. She has brought up some very good points. Men and women today are not the same as our mothers, fathers , and grandparents. People do not understand the meaning of sacrifice or committment. Social Media has opened the flood gates in the world of cheating. Especially in the areas of ex 's. People do not understand boundaries or respect for others and their lives. Women have lost complete respect not only for other women and their families , but for themselves. It's classic Narcissism and it's one of the most destructive forms of mental, emotional and verbal abuse. The narcissist can and will justify anything to satisfy their own desires. A narcissist will deprive a partner or spouse of love and sex to a degrading and evil level, all the while getting their kicks elsewhere. They like to keep two on hand and discard one or both for a more desirable third. The need for attention. , compliments, supply, that drives everything they do . They are never wrong , it's all your fault, they say they never said or did things, they make uou question your own sanity. It's a really pathological cycle. The lies will continue and get worse. If you think you may be with a narcissist. Get the hell away. These are evil people. Cheating is just a small part of their pathology.

  • Hi there, just wanted to tell you, I liked

    this post. It was helpful. Keep on posting!

  • Not trying to spin as ethical, but when something as common as cheating and having affairs takes place, trying to understand it is far more useful and productive than simply continuing to condemn it like everyone else does.

  • Thank you for sharing your experience and your conclusion. Indeed, communication is critical to the health of any relationship, but for many people it's often scary to be honest, as they don't want to lose what they have and they don't want to risk it by being honest, so they hide their feelings or their affairs for a long time, seeking comfort in having both – the relationship and the affair at the same time.

  • Megan

    I agree, m live-in boyfriend of 4 years cheated on me then dumped me for one of the many side chicks. A year after our break up I see it was his childhood issues and constant need of validation, admiration, and happy pushing that led to his cheating and betrayal. I no blame myself. He never had the courage to come to me and tell me what he needed and was feeling unhappy about. Instead he decided to seek outside fixes from other women telling them his issues getting their comfort and the one who said she will make him "happy" is now his new "love of his life"….he didn't take a break in between relationships.

    My ex doesn't want to face his childhood demons. From the stories ive heard from him & his family he needs professional help. I dont hate him and I know he has too much emotional issues and will continue to cheat on this new girl and break up he's a repeat offender until he faces himself and finds happiness from within.

    There are no good reasons to cheat. Communicate, communicate, communicate!!!! If you can't talk to your partner then youll never have genuine happiness with your partner or with yourself.

  • @ Arbiter. Thank you for clarifying the message in the article. It appears that too many female readers assume way too much, when reading the article.

  • Arbiter

    Rita here acts like a typical self-obsessed woman. She refuses to lay ANY blame on a woman, and just resorts to insults against men to explain cheating.

    Practical Happiness makes no excuses for men; the very first point in his list is about a scenario where it is not the woman's fault, but a man simply instinctively seeks novelty. This is true. He doesn't say a man SHOULD keep seeking novelty, or that he shouldn't; he just explains a man's instinct. That instinct comes from evolution, as we know: the men with the strongest drive to sleep with many women spread their behavior genes more.

    However, it is useless to try explain this to someone like Rita. Let alone explain to her that a woman who is fat, boring, annoying, and acts like a wooden log in bed can drive a man to seek better sex elsewhere. I suppose in Rita's world, men are also scum or breaking up with a girlfriend. Only a girl has the right to break up. The girl couldn't possibly do anything to motivate the guy to leave her.

    Rita's lack of intelligence and lack of facts shows clearly in her last paragraph: "and western men are HIGHLY promiscuous. Everyone knows that. they don't make good husbands or fathers in general."

    Um, no, "everyone" doesn't know that, and you offer no statistics. The exact opposite is true: Western men, especially of northern European stock, are the LEAST promiscuous in the world. It is common among men in Latin America, China, India, the Middle East, to think nothing of seeking out prostitutes regularly even while married, or to cheat in a wife with the non-professional kidn. To say nothing of men in Africa, where infidelity is rampant.

    So why does Rita claim that Western men would be more promiscuous than others? Probably because no man will go out with her. And you know it can't be HER fault. It has to be because men are scum. She happens to live in the West, so it is Western men who are scum.

  • @Daniel. Thanks. A lot of people who comment don't like to hear the truth, but, of course, truth is not always something we want or like to hear and that's something they seem to be forgetting.

  • Daniel

    based on what I've read in the comments, I can translate what everyone is actually saying:

    "I don't like this article, therefore it is wrong and I am going to throw a bitchfit about it."

    Listen girls, this article only explains why men cheat, and it is pretty accurate. It does NOT blame you for any of his actions. Simply because you are dissatisfied with the reality of men doesn't make this article invalid in any way. you may have to learn to accept what men are rather than denying it and forming scorn of all men.

  • Miranda

    thank you for the thoughtfulness to share your past experiences for girls/women like me a warning and some helpful advice. =) Thank you.

  • Miranda

    hey Michelle, haha~ dyu mind giving me some advice? from what you've described, you and your husband have a pretty good relationship that i admire and want for myself someday; i'm not married yet or anything, but i feel like you guys set an example how a relationship should be; please give me some advice of how you guys connected/interests/etc. and keep things interesting (not get super bored stays close)? I would reallyyy appreciate it! ^-^

  • Michelle

    This is a load of crap. If your wife doesn’t want to have sex with you-maybe its because your a selfish pig who does not know how to satisfy her. Or maybe its because she is exhausted because you let her do the lions share of household chores or maybe its because you are not affectionate towards her anymore or the emotional connection is missing.

    Why wouldn’t you do everything in your power to make your marriage and sex life better instead of cheating. Go to counselling or sex therapy?

    Maybe your wife is ill or has a hormonal problem that reduced her sex drive and needs a check up.

    You are just a selfish ignorant prick who blames all your marital problems on your wife. There is too people in a relationship and you both need to make an effort to fix your issues. If this is not possible GET A FU**ING DIVORCE A**H*LE!

  • Michelle

    Im glad a man shares my opinion on this. There is no excuse ever to cheat on anyone. I always knew there are some great men in this world and its nice to read this so thanks Reid. Plus I think, If you put all your energy into making each other happy instead of wondering is the grass greener-this automatically equals a better sex life at home.

  • Michelle

    and i would also just like to point out that many women have a high sex drive. I am in a very happy healthy relationship with a man that I trust and we do not have any problems. We are together almost five years and our sex life gets better and better.

    We still have sex at least 4-5 times a week, sometimes more and we regularly give and receive oral. Both willing to try new things and he tells me I am amazing in bed and so is he.

    The key to a good sex life is a happy relationship so why don't you men have a think about that before you blame your partner for the lack of sex. Maybe it is your fault that she does not want you!

  • Michelle

    Haha this is ridiculous. There is no scientific proof that men are meant to have multiple partners. There is actually more scientific evidence that men are meant to settle down with one women and start a family. Mens hormones vasopressin and dopamine play a huge role in how they fall in love and these hormones surge during and after sex.

    This is all a load of crap-just an excuse for men who want to cheat to delude themselves into believing it is normal but any healthy human being will tell you there is nothing natural or good about having multiple sexual partners. Most people see that as disgusting.

    Some men think with their penis yes but they obviously have some weird hormone imbalance that leads to poor self control or else they simply just lack empathy for their partner and they couldn’t care less how their behavior affects her.

    In short these men should never settle down or start a family as they probably wont be happy in a monogamous relationship and will just make their partner unhappy. We all know who the players are-which men to avoid and we all know that all men are not like that

  • Lovemeorleaveme

    I couldn't agree w this last comment more. I have been cheated on in the past and it was a painful experience. I left the 2 boys (can't call them men) because I felt in my heart that they would never change. The second time it happend I was newly engaged and we had just bought our first home together. We moved in the end of may and was moving out by the end of August. I gave him a chance to tell me the truth and he lied straight to my face as tears were streaming down my face. I told him that I already knew the truth so plz don't lie to me, he swore up and down begging on his knees that "nothing" happened. I stood there in pure disgust and knew that I had to leave, I had to leave for me, not because I didn't love him but I knew when he lied to me when given the opportunity to be open and honest and the lied threw his teeth that he would not only do it again but felt no shame in what he had done. The next week while he was at work I packed all of my belongings and left our home. All I left behind was the key to the house and my beautiful engagement ring that meant nothing. That day, at age 25, I was reborn, invigorated and I held my head high because I knew I was walking away from someone that didn't deserve me or my wedding vows as I always promised myself that when I said "I do" that it would be forever and that boy was not ready for that. Now, I'm not saying I'm perfect, far from it, but I know what I bring to a relationship. Having been hurt several times I realized that I was allowing it to happen because of my kind, forgiving nature. 1. He never thought I would find out 2. He never thought that I'd leave 3. He thought for sure if I did it would be "no big deal" she always forgives me well on that day he was sadly mistaken. It wasn't the fact that he cheated I was willing to deal with it and move on, little bump in the road, but was the way he looked at me as he was lying to my face without even a blink of an eye or a stutter. I knew at that very moment he didn't love me. He loved the idea of me the comfort of me. A young successful nurse with a bright future a go getter and on top of that I was raised by a single mom in which I learned to never depend on a man to care for you. As a woman you strive to be better and you plant those feet firmly in the ground and go after what you want and need in life, not what someone else thinks is good for you. I never looked back after the day I left an it wasn't until almost 4 years after I left that I ran into him while out to diner with some friends. The look on his face was priceless, a sense of satisfaction for me because I felt the pain in his heart he knew by the look on my face that I had moved on and was happy. The best part was he was wearing a t-shirt I had bought for him that said "I'm a keeper". I couldn't help but laugh to myself because that was one of the few things that he probably had left from our relationship. Anyway, I walked away being a better person having been betrayed by a boy that I almost gave my heart to. It taught me a lot about life in general and to never take anything for granted because probably more times than not you will be the one on the short end of the stick if your head over heels in love. As I like to say, "if things seem to good to be true they probably are". As a young woman and now a mother of two I know my self worth and what I have to offer it took me many years of pain and heart ache to achieve that but now that I know I will stand my ground, stand tall and proud and will never settle for anything less than what I deserve. Although, what I consider as my main trait "people pleaser" is also my worst enemy. People tend to mistake my kindness for weakness or being naive an I was for a long time and was taken advantage of several times before I learned that yes you treat others how you wish to be treated but that does NOT mean they will. So to all of you "us" that have been cheated, betrayed, manipulated and walked on let's take a stand together and be proud, strong and never let anyone hurt us. I always say I'm an ordinary woman trying to do extrordinary things in an not so ordinary world. Lol. I love my life and my family but I didn't get this far without the scars from the past but each time I look at them, I thank myself for standing up for what I believe in, what I want, what I need and most importantly what I have to give, my love who could ask for more… Hang in there things will always get better. I'll leave you with a great quote, " rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life".

  • Notyou

    One more load of self-serving bovine scatology about why men cheat..heavily skewed with the “evolutionary” theory of male promiscuity.

    Men (and women) commit adultery (“cheating” is too trivial a term) because they MAKE A DECISION TO DO SO and allow lust to over ride character, integrity, and commitment…while in search of the ever elusive constant “high.” People who cannot endure life without needing to feel like they are deeply “in love” all the time are dangerous.

    There are people who commit adultery, demand a divorce, and destroy marriages despite good spouses and a robust love life at home. I know because I have experienced the ugly end of adulterous behavior.

    All too frequently adulterers regret the consequences of their actions (if they live long enough) but often they are too proud to own their transgressions, apologize, and make amends …continuing to blame the betrayed spouse for their own character weaknesses and misbehavior.

    I have reubuilt my life from the foundation up (necessary after such destruction of trust and betrayal of intimacy), am active, healthy, content, and can and do openly date decent men who can be comfortable around the children and grandchildren.

    My X never gives any indication of having any woman in his life, is becoming more and more reclusive, fussy and old acting, as well as distancing from the children and grandchildren. They indicate that he is apparently a functioning alcoholic these four years post divorce. Great life eh?

    So sad for him that he will miss the best years of my life …and his high-romance affair partner is still married to her own husband with no indications of leaving the marriage! She never left her “meal ticket” for her prior affairees…I don’t know why X thought HE would be different or special to her.

    So sad what adultery does to families. God did NOT put that 7th Commandment there because HE is a kill-joy. HE put it there for our own protection. But too many people just have to learn the leson the hard way.

    If someone feels that he or she is not “getting” enough love at home the odds are real high that he or she is not “giving” enough love at home.

  • Cape Cod Paulie

    Women control the thermostat of the relationship. Unfortunately, women keep the temperature on cool. Men like it hot. When the room is too cool, men go to a warmer place. Women who are not able to at least meet the very basic neeed of regular intimacy with thier husbands are risking everything.

    Most men have sex outside the marraige not because they don’t love their wives, but because their wives will not take care of them. But these same wives expect their husbands to take care of them. Men feel cheated out of the basic marraige expectation of regular intimacy with their wives. Who was really cheated? Exactly.

    Women, take care of your man or another woman will. Same old story. Don’t starve your husband and then criticize him for being hungry.

  • Leo Tolstoy

    If you truly love someone, cheating is just not right no matter what the reason. If it’s a casual relationship then who cares? But if you love your partner, you just don’t do it.

  • Ruby

    For several years, my best friend was also my lover.

    When I had a proper boyfriend, I slept with my lover on the side because sex with my then boyfriend wasn’t as good as it was with my lover. Truthfully, I was never in love with that boyfriend, so after I broke up with my boyfriend, I resumed seeing my lover.

    When my lover got a girlfriend and even when he got engaged, we still kept seeing each other because he wasn’t satisfied with the amount of sex he was receiving from his gf/fiancee.

    He called off the wedding and ended engagement just 4 weeks before the wedding again because he lacked sexual and emotional intimacy with his fiancee. And just when I thought that relationship really ended, he changed his mind and married her after all because she received a cancer diagnosis, she wanted him back, and she was the closest thing to true love he had experienced. So in the end love and clingyness won. Since I’ve known my lover for four years; I am expecting his marriage to fail, in the first 1-4 years (if it makes it past 6 months).

    In my experience, people who cheat are selfish enough to care about their wants, needs more than that of their significant other. Unhappiness in the relationship be it emotional or sexual will definitely drive someone into the arms of another person.

    Who’s fault is it? Well, it’s complicated. Part of it is being selfish, part of it is incompatibility. Incompatibility stems from disliking something about the other person be it emotional, mental, physical, attitude, or sexual. That dissatisfaction, dislike, drives interest in “help” outside of the relationship. That’s my 2 cents for you.

  • tiff

    Most cheaters have emotional and/or psychological problems stemming from childhood that cause them to cheat. In most cases they’ve been physically or emotionally abandoned by one or both of their parents and seek out attention and approval from others and since one person can’t ‘fix’ them they end up going from one person to the next, often trying to keep one person as their base. Also, if they feel that their significant other is rejecting them in any way they’ll seek acceptance else where. And the cheating could be as ‘small’ as just texting or emailing, etc., to get the approval and acceptance they need.

  • Jan

    Ya know I never wanted to believe my mother when I was getting married. All men are are liars and cheats even the ones that are so shy and so sincere into fooling you they are good. Well I quickly replied to by Mother or your just bitter. I won't believe you. But now that I am at the age of my mother now. I believe her words totally I wish she was here so I could tell her hug and kiss her tell her I am sorry it took me so long to find out. I don't believe in Love anymore that Love is fleeting, just enjoy what ever comes your way. By the way I cheated too not proud of that I come from both sides of the family cheating dogs. So thats where I learned how too do it too. I no longer believe in marrage either, I went through a long seperation that is still going on. I am soon to make the the dicission of my life. I want to be free from him. I no longer want or need to live with a man. I tell mine this as of lately you should worry more that you want to come back but I don't feel the same as him by wanting him back.

  • Reid

    Some of these comments are crazy. Cheating sucks, and anyone who cheats sucks. To cheat on someone you have to not really care about them or their feelings at all. It’s the most extreme way to break someone’s trust. For those who have been cheated on, you may forgive them, but you will never be able to trust them again. There are to many other wonderful people out there who will treat you amazingly and care for you. I’m a hot guy, been with my girl since 2004 and never cheated. I’ve had multiple opportunitys, especially in my college years, but didn’t. Any dude who gives you ladies an excuse for cheating is a pea-brained horndog. If a guy is really craving some attention and your not in the mood… Get him a fleshlight or he can watch porn. There is no excuse for cheating. You ladies can do better than these idiots who make all us guys look like scum. Have some respect for yourself, and find someone better, someone who will give you flowers, instead of an std from his mistress. Your history with these guys don’t matter, put the good memories in a special place in your heart, and make no new ones with them. You can do better than that. Just know you rock and that you deserve better. -reid

  • Paul

    Most of the respondents misinterpreted the article as a justification of cheating, rather than an illucidation of the phenomenon. Furthermore, they fused the reasons for cheating, as if points 2 and 3 led to 1. The male may have only reason 1, that is, he may cheat on a great partner with inferior partners, which does not work with FoM (female-on-male) cheating. Also, a man can cheat with women who are more attractive in their personality, not their bodies, but this is a “top three” article, isn’t it? I think the author should post extended disclaimers, unless he enjoys the backlash.

    The women here see cheating men as amoral, and it is true that utterly amoral prehistoric men who raided villages and raped hundreds of women were reproductively successful, so it’s no wonder that amorality is around. But cheating men can have normal morals in all ways other than cheating. Unless we fall into the trap of thinking that every drop of energy in a man’s life must be subjugated to an arbitrary woman, or that selfishness has no place in a healthy relationship, it’s possible to see how a cheating man can respect his mate.

    A man can fertilize multiple women at the same time. He can have constant relationships with some, and he can treat others as hos. But a woman cannot be fertilized by multiple men at the same time. There are plenty of supersexy bastards that women know will not provide support, that women know will never be faithful, but women lay them anyway. Then they go back to more reliable guys to be GF or wife.

    Some societies sanction polygamy with multiple wives because it works (when hordes of men die prematurely, it’s either that or having hordes of women die with their virginity intact). Women with multiple husbands exist, but they are rarer than serial killers or blond asians. A case of FoM cheating means that she rejects the baby of her partner and asks him to raise another man’s child. Cheated men often feel like they may as well drop dead, because they have just been told that their DNA is useless. As I heard on TV once, “when a guy cheats, it’s ‘cuz he’s looking for some hot action, but when a girl cheats, then it’s something much deeper than that.”

    Meanwhile in MoF cheating, the worst that happens to a woman is that her partner might start spreading his resources to other women. Of course, it is advantageous for women to prevent this, preferably by blocking cheating completely. This is why women’s reactions to cheating are more “how dare you, ya son of a bitch!” than “oh the agony.” Physical access may take up some of the male’s available resources, but continuous support for other females requires emotional investment, which is why men tolerate emotional infidelity more easily than women.

  • Derek

    Thanks for the clarification. And I agree that understanding the motivation is helpful and perhaps necessary.

    For anyone who reads this and is struggling, the absolute best book about it is titled “Not Just Friends” by Dr. Shirley Glass. It was very, very helpful to me as I went through the pain.

    Stay well, everyone


    Hi, Derek. You are right. Apology isn’t worth much if it’s coupled with defensiveness and excuses. What I meant to say is that there is ALWAYS a reason for cheating, however bad and inexcusable it is. From incredible attraction, to doing something taboo, craving variety, not feeling loved by your partner etc… This doesn’t justify but partially explain the actions.
    Cheating is very, very common. Judging it without trying understand something so common won’t help us, but trying to figure out what motivates it at least in some cases will be very helpful.

  • Derek


    Thank you for your response. I agree with all that you say with one exception: where you say “In your girl’s defense…”, I need to make a point. In order to take full responsibility, the cheater can hold no excuses, or defenses, in their mind. Cheating is an entirely inexcusable act and must be recognized as such. My girlfriend had a million different options for dealing with the difficulties in our relationship, and NONE of them involved secretly sleeping with an ex-boyfriend (who, by the way, treated her far worse in their brief relationship than I ever did).

    What would have been wrong in being honest about the lack of closure in that relationship? What would have been wrong in telling me that this guy had been aggressively pursuing her in text messages? Or that she actually liked the attention she was getting?

    Of course there would have been nothing wrong with it. In fact, that’s what she should have done because I could have at least had the information I needed to look at my own behavior, evaluate my investment in the relationship, and make the proper adjustments and choices concerning us. But I had no idea all of this was going on behind my back. Not a clue. And as such, I could do nothing about the devastation that was going to happen to me.

    Would Be Cheaters: cheating hurts like you wouldn’t believe. If you’re feeling temptation, have the strength to admit it. Have the difficult conversations that might ensue. Your relationship will either grow stronger or be revealed for its weaknesses and you can then choose to move on.

    For those who have been betrayed: it is possible to recover, and if your relationship had a true connection to begin with, sticking it out and working through the pain has a tremendous reward – your relationship deepens in closeness and intimacy beyond imagination. But realize this as you forgive – although it may appear that they caused your pain, the truth is, you are causing yourself pain. You have to recognize this or you will forever be a victim, unable to find your own inner happiness and peace. Whether you stay in the relationship or not, make this difficult realization, forgive, and regain the control over your own happiness that you thought was taken away from you.

  • Derek

    My girlfriend cheated on me with her so-called “ex” boyfriend after about a year of living/being together. Twice. i had to piece it together by discovering a questionable text message. As it turns out, inappropriate communication had been going on almost the entire time I was with her.

    Never have I felt so much pain in my life. I have insecurities with women that were amplified and then brought into my mind full force. It has been now about 6 months since the revelation.

    But my first reaction was not to get angry or accuse or attack. I was simply hurt to the core of my being. Traumatized, in fact. When things began to settle down a bit, I began to look at myself and my contribution to the relationship falling short. I then shared my deep remorse with her for being less than loving, open, etc… Over some time, and with my heart now fully open to her, she began to feel deep remorse herself. And her remorse was essential to the success of my efforts to forgive.

    I am glad to say that we are now deeply in love with each other. Communication is wide open, loving, compassionate, and fun. Mixed with true love, sex between us is unbelievable, like something I’ve always believed it could be. Our deep intimacy has made an impression on many of the people we know…..the higher vibrations of love can be felt by others….

    But I am still feeling deep, deep pain at times. I feel like a trauma victim who has flashbacks. Little things can trigger me, and sometimes they don’t even seem to relate. What I would like to know is why does it seem to intensify for no reason, then go away, then come back maybe less intense, then disappear, and on and on and on. It’s a roller coaster ride that I want to get off of. I know it has only been six months, but when might I expect the painful thoughts and images to greatly subside? Has anyone had an experience with this?

    I would greatly appreciate insight/comments/thoughts that any of you might offer.

  • practicalhappiness.c

    Hello, and thank you for sharing your experience. It takes a lot of strength and maturity to handle things the way you did, and actually learn something form this negative experience about how you can be more attractive to your partner and what you can do better. Having "flashbacks" at times is totally normal. Most kinds of progress are associated with temporary set backs, so expect those incidents to continue, but with time they will fade away. You must let time do its work. If your mind and spirit found a way to forgive her initially, then surely this occasional pain at times is something that you will overcome. In your girl's defense, cheating on you with an ex makes it more forgivable. Often, women need "closure" with their ex. Perhaps that's what she needed, whether she admits it or not.

  • Emily

    I Totally agree with the Believer's comments. Women feel bad enough that a man has cheated…..and we try to do everything better, including sex, after we forgive him, because we think we are not good enough in bed. I am soooo glad someone else admits that it is NOT because we are BAD in bed….because that is what I thought when mine cheated. It makes perfect sense to say they are insecure and just looking for confidence…and they are doing this by seeing how many women they can get….which somehow validates their self esteem.

  • Sara

    I understand that those needs are part of the human nature, but it seems to me that most people use it as an excuse for being sleazy (both men and women) and that is the one thing I find unacceptable.

    Grow some balls and end the relationship you're unhappy in, because otherwise, it's just plain ridiculous.

  • hawaiianlion22

    This article is absolutely, totally, and grossly ignorant and ridiculous, as most of the commentators above have already stated. What a full load of crap. Whoever wrote this is obviously arrogant, misguided, or just an asshat. I can only finish this comment with saying, "seriously?!"

  • Sagacity

    Blame the one cheated on but not the cheater?? Yes, are you kidding me?

    I’m with Rita. Her reasons are far more realistic and far more representative of this problem than the article’s twisted garbage. I also agree with Jodie and Believer, who both wrote with depth and substance. The cheater has a brain and a conscience, right? The cheater has a choice, right? And yet the cheater makes a choice to cheat!

    It’s the same as blaming a rape victim for ‘asking for it’. Or excusing the rapist because he ‘couldn’t help himself’. WTH?!

    Just as a rapist is a rapist, a cheater is a cheater.

    Adultery is grounds for divorce, so it is legally wrong. If a husband is sued for divorce because of his adultery, let him try counter-suing his wife for being ‘lousy’ in bed and ‘causing’ him to cheat, and see what the courts will say! LOL! Blaming the wife/girlfriend can only come from an intellectually-challenged ignoramus!

    To cheat is immoral, wrong and disrespectful to the partner. It’s just plain mean, wicked and sinful. The guy should have the balls to face up to the real problem – their relationship and/or communication – and sort things out there. If a guy does not have the maturity and the responsibility to solve problems together with his partner, then he is no better than a wild animal in heat. Why bother with dating or marrying people? Just stick to having his rocks off with animals so that he won’t cause pain and suffering to human beings.

    Teaching these sordid ways of relating to others will prevent men and women from ever having happy, loving, fulfilling, healthy and emotionally satisfying relationships with each other. This sort of advice can even push people into turning to gay relationships, where they will also have the same unhealthy relationships if they do not address the real issues.

    Cheating is a total cop-out and a sign of a weak, shallow, miserable SOB!

    PracticalHappiness dude, I’ve just lost all respect for you! I expected better of you. You need to grow up! Or at least stop messing up readers’ minds with these little boys’ blame games!

  • harry

    A man also cheats when the woman has a past he cant accept, have seen this many times and also tried to fight this urges.. obviously its wrong to do tht and its always the cheaters fault when they cheat, coz lying is just being a coward..

    you get what you sow…

  • J

    As a man I would have to point out that Women also cheat. and I have to agree with first response by Rita. Cheating is rearly caused by the partner cheated on. The cheeting partner wants to cheat because the have a flaw in their morals. A relationship requires two people to be comitted to each other wether they are just boyfriend/girlfriend or married. Never accept the lame excuse “it just happend” or “I did not plan to cheat on you”. The cheater is always the one who betrayed the trust. If one is not happy/satisfied or whatever they can always end the relationship.
    Futhermore it has recently shown that women have overtaken men in the cheating department. So both sexes are as bad as each other in this matter.

  • nancy boyd

    men are untrustworthy never give your whole heart to any man

  • Believer

    Honestly, in my opinion I understand sometimes during a relationship a person may feel deprived of certain "needs". If you are in a relationship though this can be discussed and addressed in a way that doesn't involve cheating. I do not believe in cheating, nor do I believe in an excuse for doing so. I am a 23 year old woman and I am well educated and unlike the majority of women nowadays I do have morals, self esteem, and common courtesy. Under no circumstance should there EVER be blame put on the individual who did not commit the action of cheating. Cheating can simply be avoided by the action of ending the relationship. I am almost 100% positive that anyone would rather someone end the relationship rather then go through the mental and emotional aspect of being cheated on. I would like to quote the author of this post on a certain statement that was made which was:

    "Most men are driven by a powerful natural force to seek novelty and variety when it comes to sexual partners. There is more to that drive than just seeking pleasure; desire to be liked and attract women is one of the most significant ways through which men are able to validate their masculinity and sense of self worth."

    It does not take a genius to figure out that this is completely insubstantial, and ignorant. Humans are highly evolved. Unlike animals or other species, humans attain the possibility to choose instead of just being guided by their instincts. Humans have the capability of understanding and feeling certain things such as guilt, empathy, sympathy, and compassion (which according to this article men apparently aren't capable of these emotions). What is sad is that with our highly evolved brains (which have given the knowledge of technology to cure diseases and send man to the moon) you are telling me that man is incapable of simple reasoning? Something that even a dog can do? Men are not "driven by a powerful natural force to seek novelty and variety when it comes to sexual partners" they simply CHOOSE to do so. In that case it is their choice to cheat. It is not like the significant other is holding a gun to their head forcing them to do so.

    In my opinion when a man cheats it has NOTHING to do with their partner, it is simply three simple human emotions that apparently men know oh so well which are:

    1) Selfishness

    2) Ignorance

    3) Insecurity

    To prove this theory that I have I will simply take certain excerpts from this topic and break them down:

    1) Selfishness- "variety when it comes to sexual partners". This can be proven to be selfishness in the fact that apparently men are not sympathizing or thinking about the possible effects that this action may have on their partner (whether it's emotional, mental, or possibly even physical because there are STD's) men are simply thinking of satisfying their needs and no further thought is put into the aftermath of that decision, because it will not just effect them it will effect that persons partner also. Oh, and lets not forget the statement "There is more to that drive than just seeking pleasure". Really? There is a flaw in that because after that was written the following was written "desire to be liked and attract women" (which sounds like a type of seeking pleasure to me). Oh and being "able to validate their masculinity and sense of self worth." Which also sounds like a way of seeking pleasure.

    2) Ignorance- After reading this article (for any of those who individuals who actually have a brain)… I really need to explain why these explanations show ignorance?

    3) Insecurity- "desire to be liked and attract women is one of the most significant ways through which men are able to validate their masculinity and sense of self worth." If a man is confident and secure with himself then there isn't the need to validate their masculinity, and a confident man that's not insecure already has a sense of self worth because they are happy with themselves they don't have to achieve that feeling from others.

    If a man has to cheat to feel "masculine" or to have "self worth" then that has nothing to do with their partner. That is clearly an internal issue that they have with themselves, and maybe that person should seek some type of counseling or speak with a physician about possible explanations and maybe even medications. It sounds to me like this might be a type of self esteem issue, a void that wasn't met in their life during early childhood, trust issues, depression, or maybe an attention deficit disorder. Men who cheat should be more self aware because it's not their partner who is driving them into the arms of another person, it's that "powerful natural force". Which more than likely that "powerful natural force" isn't natural in all mankind (it's natural for men that cheat) because that "powerful natural force" is an internal issue with themselves! Which is validated by the fact that most individuals who have been cheated on have probably tried to do everything they could to please their partner (just like the post that was left by monica!). The reason it's not good enough for them or pleasing them is because the problem isn't their partner! Until they gain self esteem and confidence and learn to be happy with themselves, they are never going to be happy with anyone else!

  • Jodie

    OK I’ll admit it there may be ‘reasons that drive a man to cheat’ BUT… a REAL man discusses these “reasons” with his spouse BEFORE it gets to the point of him cheating (this applies to women just as much, I’m not letting cheating wives off the hook here!)

    TALK to your spouse if you are unhappy within the marriage DON’T go looking for a cure outside of the marriage, that will never work. If you find yourself feeling that you ‘need’ to cheat …and btw I don’t agree it is a ‘need’ merely a ‘want’… and men, don’t be thinking that your wife has never thought of having another man (We have, but most of us take our wedding vows a little more seriously) having a better lover, you don’t really believe you’re ‘all that’ in the sack do you? LMAO … that “’til death do us part” and “for better and worse” MEANS something to most of us.

    You really have just two options… IF you are a man or woman of honour and integrity… discuss whatever issues you may have within the marriage with your wife/husband and try to make it better… OR end the relationship. You don’t get to give yourself a third option of running around behind your spouses back and cheating just to get your rocks off! Of course you CAN give yourself that third option of cheating BUT if you do you can never consider yourself a man/woman of honour and integrity, what you you will be is a low life, cheating scumbag and you’ll get whatever you deserve.

  • summer

    Lisa, I've been where you are at. The good news: You know and you don't have to question whther he did it or not. You are worthy of better. You can choose to forigive him and go to a christian counselor or you can choose to leave. He may decide your willing to deal with his cheating. Ask him if he is willing to see a counselor. I truly believe that only God can change the situation if he wants to change.

  • Lisa

    I dont know what to do! I found out my husband was cheating on me last year and he told me it was over. I then had signs (I cant explain it) but i knew he was still doing it and confronted him again early part of this year. He confessed and said he didnt know why but he would stop and loved me and begged me to forgive him.

    This has taken me months to get over and I was just starting to trust him again when I found a receipt that gave it away that he was still in touch with her. He denied it at first and then said he was feeling low about himself and doesnt know why he got back in touch. I am heart broken. I dont know what to do. We had this future mapped out a new move, a new start…..and he does this again.

    I just dont know what to do…..please any advice. I know its hard to understand but i love him, he is my soul mate I have been married nearly 19 years and he is my world.


  • Lovesyoungerman

    Yeah… It’s complicated.

    When men are younger or in power positions, they often just can’t say ” No.”
    Like that song “Never make a pretty woman your wife”
    Be careful when you chose a husband… Balance of power is important.

    And, yeah… Young kids put a different spin on things.
    Kind of sad he didn’t realize incompatibilities before becoming Daddy… Just saying, the stakes are way higher. Poor wife, drained by kids and now not able to be a sex goddess… hmmm. Convenient outlet for sex!

  • Eva

    Rita yikes! Hell hath no fury.. I hope you didn't have that attitude before your misfortune because then it would be easy to see why a man would want to find his balls again. I think there is a small percentage of men who lack all "morals" and fate is set the moment you get together with him. However, I think large percentage of men do it because they are fed up of never being enough and got the attention elsewhere. More than likely relationship had a garden variety of problems before his boat set sail. In fairness though I believe a man should of sent his wife packing before he decided to get his pleasure elsewhere. Bottom line men are more emotional then we think so even if it was a mistake you can bet he wished for that opportunity with every bone in his body.

  • monica

    wat if i am doing everything i can to improve our sex life sometimes going for lessons, trying to implement new things, sacrificing to have sex with him even when i am so tired, it still comes back to me? Oh please, lets be realistic, i am also a human being, with feelings too.

  • Meghann

    If a man is not sexually satisfied with his relationship, it is his responsibility to bring it to an end. Cheating is never justifiable, and it is ridiculous to try and blame a man’s weak sense of morality on the betrayed woman.

  • Zhaklin

    Dear all,

    What about whenwe hae done our "home work" as needed as is mentioned above in the most good & perfekt way but he still NEEDS TO CHEAT. What to do in this case? Do I have to blame my selfe because I am not anymore so atractive while other men are still behind me.



  • JP Scholten

    “When a spouse doesn’t make an effort to meets the desires of their spouses, why should they be surprised when their spouse has an affair?”

    Because you’re spouses. If you weren’t serious about “till death do us part” then don’t get married. If you choose to marry then cheat, that’s up to you, but trying to spin it as “ethical” is ridiculous.

  • ex muse

    Yeah. The article brings up points that resonate with my current situation. Over the past two years I’ve shared a mutual attraction with a married man with young children. He’s clearly unhappy in his marriage. He’s intimated that the intimacy (sex) is not what he wants it to be. I get the sense that he doesn’t get enough – which, to me, seems to be a legitimate gripe. It’s also possible his wife is not good in bed. Having visited many fidelity themed websites, it’s incredible how judgmental people are (read the previous post). It’s not so easy to get out of an unhappy marriage when young kids are involved. I’m in the process of divorcing a man who has very little interest in sex. Based on my experience, I know it’s not so easy to change a spouse’s attitude or behavior – that is, my husband is not going to be all of the sudden interested in sec no matter what I do. For all I know, my object of attraction is in a similar hopeless situation. Still, both of us consider ourselves ethical people. So we are at a stalemate. We both want to be together – there’s attraction, compatability and equally high sec drives. Don’t people deserve to happy? When a spouse doesn’t make an effort to meets the desires of their spouses, why should they be surprised when their spouse has an affair? This can’t all be explained by blanket statements: ALL MEN ARE DOGS! That does nothing to address that both men and women have ‘needs’ in marriages. SEX is a big one. The object of my attraction is a king, thoughtful, intelligent, ethical man. If we end up together, having an affair – I will have no regrets whatsoever. He’s a wonderful human being and we both deserve to be happy.

  • practicalhappiness.c

    Hi, Rita. You disagreement and anger are quite understand. I would never dare to blame women for the fact that men are not faithful very often.
    Surely, there aren't many great men (or women for that manner) who are great in every way. What I wanted to emphasize is that blaming and criticizing men for something so common as cheating is pointless. It doesn't benefit men or women. But understanding the reasons behind promiscuity – and the main one of which for men is the desire for new sexual partners and for sexual variety – can be much more useful in dealing with it, avoiding it, or even forgiving it, if one so wishes.
    Women cheat for other reasons – being on a rebound, having a horrible fight with their guy, low self esteem and lack of attention from the opposite sex, etc… but this seems to be not uncommon either.

  • Rita

    "Have you ever been cheated on before? If so, look back at the three big reasons above as to why men cheat and try to figure out what reasons drove that guy toward being with another woman."

    Are you kidding me? So now it's the woman's fault that a man cheated. "reasons that drove that guys?" Talk about adding insult to injury.

    The reasons a man cheats according to a WOMAN:

    1. He doesn't have morals

    2. Has no respect for women

    3. Is a womanizer

    and FINALLY

    4. Our grandmothers and mother have told us, MEN ARE DOGS!

    and they will try to justify their immoralities by degrading and pointing the finger at a woman. The author acts as if women are to blame and there are not men out there who:

    a. have small penises

    b. suck in bed

    c. or have a penis bigger than their brain or a brain bigger than their penis (either sucks)

    d. half of them don't know what they are doing with their mouth either

    and western men are HIGHLY promiscuous. Everyone knows that. they don't make good husbands or fathers in general.