Why “I Get a Lot of Dates” May Not Impress the Man You Like
“I’ve had a lot of success with online dating.”“I date a lot.” “I never have trouble finding men.” As a woman, you might say these things to communicate confidence or make it clear that you have options. You may expect a man to hear: Other men find me attractive. You should appreciate the opportunity to get to know me. But that isn’t necessarily the message he receives. He may instead wonder how many men you’re seeing, whether you’re interested in a relationship, or whether getting to know him is simply another appointment in a busy dating schedule of yours in your never ending dating “journey”. And if he has been exposed to any amount of manosphere content, he will likely quickly assume that you have been “ran through”, and your “body count” is just too high to take your seriously.
If your goal is a relationship, having a lot of dates and having success with dating aren’t necessarily the same thing. You may mean you meet interesting people and regularly receive invitations. He may hear that you’ve been through a long succession of romantic encounters without finding something you want to continue. That doesn’t establish anything negative about you. There are plenty of reasons why dates don’t lead to relationships. But when you present volume as an accomplishment, you invite the other person to wonder what that volume actually means.
Fair or not, some men interpret “I date a lot” as “I’ve had a lot of sexual partners.” That may be completely wrong. Going on dates is not the same as sleeping with everyone you meet. Still, you don’t control every conclusion people draw from what you say. For a man who places importance on a potential partner’s sexual history, that impression may reduce his interest. Other men won’t care. There is no universal male response, but assuming that a busy dating history automatically makes you more attractive is a mistake. More often than not – the opposite is true.
Nobody wants to feel interchangeable. Even a man who has no concern about your sexual history may find frequent mention of other dates and what you “normally” do highly unappealing. Imagine spending a date listening to a man explain how many women match with him, pursue him, or want to see him again. Would that make him more attractive to you? I didn’t think so. Advertising competition may have worked 20-30 years ago, but today it’s anything but intriguing. People simply lose interest.
Your first dates don’t need to know your dating history or your frequency of going out on dates. Not bringing something up that doesn’t belong in a first date conversation doesn’t make you a liar. This information can easily wait till later stages of getting to know someone.
