“Don’t let them get into your pants easily. Make them work for it, and make them work HARD for it. If he does not want to work for it, let him walk and move onto the next man (men are like buses, in 15 minutes another one will come around)…Who is next? Stay single as long as you can. Do not settle down easily. Date a lot of different men, and date them all at one time. … This works in the real world and it works in the online dating world. When it does, you will be overwhelmed with excitement. Dating will become fun and you will feel so empowered. … When you do, a completely new world awaits you! You will never look at men the same way again.” – this is an excerpt from a chapter about online dating from a popular dating advice book for women “The Power of Pussy”. This might be some the most harmful advice that a single woman can receive for several major reasons. The most important reason is this: when you date too many guys and when you them all at the same time, you become tired and exhausted physically and mentally.
Dating 3 guys or more at the same time or going out on more than 2 first dates a week will necessarily tire your body and mind and will turn dating into another job. As a result, you will lose one element in your own mental state which is critical to making a meaningful, fulfilling and exciting connection with a man – you will lose enthusiasm about meeting guys and the whole dating process.
A woman who dates too many guys at once or who goes out on too many (first) dates is not going to be nearly as enthusiastic about meeting or going out with the next guy. That lack of enthusiasm will make her look unexcited, unattractive or even jaded. If she doesn’t look jaded, she will certainly feel jaded. She will act aloof on dates, and the guys she is going out with will surely notice that. It’s hard to be interested in a woman who is not only not interested in you, but she is kind of indifferent to dating altogether, and the next guy she is going out with is just another “bus” who can’t possibly be special to her, even if he was actually a special person. You may ask a random single guy whether “enthusiasm” is something he is looking for in a woman. He might not immediately realize how important that quality is to him in a woman, but if he were to take a few minutes to think about it, he would necessarily agree that meeting or being out with a woman, who seems to be interested in him and in the idea of romance itself, is a much more fun experience and it makes a woman much more attractive and desirable to him.
The excitement of dating a many guys as possible, that the writer of “The Power of Pussy” talking about, will only last for a few weeks at most in the very beginning of that kind of hyperactive dating, and it will soon be replaced by dating fatigue.
Luckily, that loss of enthusiasm is a curable problem, and it can be fixed relatively easily. If you find that you lost interest in dating and that all men seem to be the same to you after dating 20 or more guys, or after going out on 30 first dates over the past month or two, the best and the most effective solution to this problem is taking a break from dating altogether and committing to it. Set a date and disable all your dating profiles and stop talking to the guys who you are not interested in for at least one month. Then, when the month is over, go back to meeting guys (online or otherwise) and this time, instead of dating as many guys as possible, try to be more selective.
When you start dating again, don’t go out with guys just to go out and have fun (that’s another bad suggestion that “The Power of Pussy” makes). Don’t trade your time for the company that you are probably not going to enjoy. Instead, be more selective and wait till you meet a guy who doesn’t sound “average” to you but who sounds interesting – someone you will actually look forward to meeting.
The above advice, of course, applies to single men who are looking to have a special connection with a woman as well. If you want to fall in love with a great woman, you need to be and come across as excited and enthusiastic when you meet her, as that kind of energy is essential to creating that kind of connection. This doesn’t mean that you have to jump up and down from joy when you meet her. But this means that you should feel like your first date is not a mundane routine, like dinner or meeting at work.
I read this book not too long ago. I agree, the part about dating a lot of guys at once will not work for eveybody. Some women just don’t have the personality (or patience) to deal with a lot of men at once. The free meals you’ll get won’t be payment enough for all the b.s. you’ll have to deal with. But some of the other advice in the book was spot on and it was a quick and fun read. So for the most part I enjoyed it.
thanks for your thoughts. Also, the damaging effects on a woman’s emotional availability that come with dating multiple guys at the same time or dating too many guys period are quite significant and should not be overlooked.
wth, lol, thats messed up, so being bored is a good reason to cheat, thats stupid logic. Just tell the nigga hey ur boring im breaking up with u bye. How hard is that. Lol thank god i learned never to trust women from my step mom her sister her daughter and my mom sadly. I got use to the one night stand no need to date a woman who will cheat on me, better stay single and fuck around without cheating and worrying about being cheated on.
I've dated lots of guys old ,young all racis bt I dnt gt tired nw I hve some1 whom I'm seing he loves me bt I found him boring I cnt stop cheating nd I love sex I wonder if 1day maybe I wll gt tired.
I just ordered the book and I am very excited! I loved Why men love Bitches. Unfortunately, I'm really not a bitch, but I hardly think that me dating as a man would is going to tire me out. I am considered by most, lovely. However I still get played. Not any more though. I just met a fine guy, I like what I see so far. But I am going to date at least two or three of the men I met yesterday. Focusing on one man makes me exhausted. Especially when he's trippin'. I need a few spares if the heir goes away.
Only bit I don’t like is to play men, use them for treats. Beyond that some really useful advice. I personally did get exhausted from too many first dates but the writer is talking about getting beyond that and seeing several men so you don’t put all you eggs in one basket. Don’t be an emotional sitting duck for the players is all the writer is saying, and develop your life until a truly amazing man who treats you right proves himself. The part that has helped me the most is to fall in love with how a man treats you- my fiancée treats me so amazingly that no other man could ever compare!
@R Thanks for your thoughts. I am usually concerned by books like this, as it will certainly influence its readers, at least temporarily affecting their interactions with men and definitely not for better.
Wow, that part you quoted from the book is right on the mark. That is exactly how the majority of women in the US think and act right now and why most decent men won't have anything to do with them. Except use them for sex. The first bit is the most important and that is the setting up of an endless series of hoops to jump thru all while dangling the possibility of sex before a guy. Do this and you'll get sex. Now do this. Now do this. Now do this.
Most guys have seen this a million times and most are learning to do what I do. As soon as I see this type of controlling behavior its "FU, next !". The problem of course is after you've been burned a couple of thousand times you just bail at the first sign of it. Example Her: here's my number but I'm busy the next couple of days so don't call until the weekend. Me: Says "OK, sure." but am really thinking "FU! Next !" and will delete her number BEFORE I EVEN GET HOME. Will she ever get a call? Nope. And actually I'm think all the way home … how could have I been so stupid to fall for this shit again. She's just another lying manipulative bitch. Why am I so stupid !!!
Of course she could have been telling the truth. And maybe just was. But after having been played for the chump so many times I'm not going to taken advantage of again. And women wonder why guys don't approach them anymore. Look in the mirror and you will see your answer.
“The Power of Pussy” is similar to “Why Men Love Bitches” in that the book titles are sensational and a little misleading. I agree with you, that women taking this advice on face value and dating a bunch of new guys every week (assuming they could even manage that) is defeating the purpose of connecting with someone special.
However, if the goal is really to tell women to: 1. know what you want from dating (and in this case, we’re assuming it’s a special connection 2. know yourself and your boundaries, then I think that’s fine. The third item that I would add (and this is what you put forth) is that 3. when you are dating and trying to connect with someone, you should bring your “A” game to each date: warmth, enthusiasm, playfulness and respect for your date.
@ Leslie – thank you for your thoughts. I found many parts of the book to be great. I just hope that most readers will be able to distinguish the very useful advice from the misleading. The writer is a little angry at the opposite sex in a way that guys are usually angry at the opposite sex, when they are not doing very well in that department, but… that's an important perspective, because there are plenty of people out there like that.