A one-night stand can be an emotionally taxing experience for a woman. Few experiences are more disappointing and frustrating to a woman than one night stands with guys that she was actually interested in getting to know and was hoping to have much more than a quick fling. Meeting an attractive, interesting guy, going out with him, liking him, and ending up sleeping with him to only never hear back from him again after that often feels like an utter waste of time. I hear this kind of story over and over – “We went out. He seemed to be really into me, he was all over me, and we spent an incredible night together after which he told me that he really liked me and that he couldn’t wait to see me again, but I haven’t heard from him since. Why do guys do that? I thought he really liked me as much as I liked him! I did not want it to be a one-night stand.”
While I could never tell you how to prevent having such disappointments in the future from one-night stands, I would like to shed some light of honest reality of some of the typical reasons for such male behavior. If nothing else, understanding this behavior should help any woman, if not avoid, at least handle these experiences better.
1. Just because a guy is going out with you, doesn’t mean that he finds you very attractive and that he perceives you as a girlfriend material.
It is possible that he does like you, but it’s also possible that he doesn’t have anything better going on at this time, and you are just a “transitory” experience while is looking for someone who he really wants to be with. As cruel and as selfish as it sounds, it’s quite common for guys to look for sex and one night stands, and to do and say whatever it takes to find a sex partner and temporarily female companionship just for fun, while looking for a more serious partner, or while taking a break from anything serious altogether. Men are able to enjoy one night stands because every such experience can feel like a James Bond like conquest or a victory. One night stands are also a validation of the guy’s self-esteem by making them think – “If she slept with me that quickly, I must be that good and that attractive to women.”
2. Guys can have one night stands with women they don’t really like or don’t even find that attractive.
Just because a guy you are out with is kissing you, making out with you and is otherwise all over you doesn’t even mean that he finds you very attractive or particularly sexy. This sounds totally counter-intuitive, but you might just be attractive and sexy enough for him for that very moment to satisfy his physical drive and need for physical contact. This is especially true if he hasn’t had sex in a while or conversely – if he just broke up with someone he really like and is looking for any female company. This doesn’t mean, that he finds you beautiful, or that he would like to see you again or have any kind of relationship with you. The same applies to sex. It often doesn’t take for a guy to be crazy about a woman or to find her sexually irresistible in order to have sex with her. A man who is sexually hungry will likely find physical pleasure and satisfaction from having sex with any woman who is not repulsive to him. He will be looking for that single, one-time physical satisfaction from that encounter with a woman, but he will want nothing more from her in the future. A typical woman might be justifiably mislead by a guy’s affectionate behavior towards her when they start seeing each other, believing that his touching her is a sign of possibly genuine care and a long-term interest, but more often or not, this sensuality is just an attempt to escalate the interaction toward a one-night stand – a one-time sexual experience and nothing further.
3. Sometimes guys themselves don’t know why they have one night stands.
They might be blinded by lust to the degree where they honestly don’t know what they want until after they satisfy their sexual urges. Thus, a guy who thinks that he is interested in dating a certain woman, might change his mind immediately after having sex with her, realizing that he wants nothing else from her but what he just received – again – a one-night stand, but the one that he didn’t plan to have. It can be painful and unfair to women, but he doesn’t really have a control over that.
So, don’t be mislead by a guy’s affection, and don’t judge his intentions about you based on how much you think he is attracted to you at one given evening when you are out, especially if your date takes place before you had sex with him. This is especially true if the guy seems to be too nice, too sweet and too accommodating. If it’s too good to be true, it probably isn’t, and if he acts like a sleazy salesman, he might just be looking to score.
Not all one night stands were made equal. Some can be exciting adventures which will leave great memories, while others will make you feel dirty and guilty. Knowing how to recognize when a one night stand is coming your way decide whether this is really what you want at that given time with that particular guy.
I get extremely angry if the sex was great and he says so, but then disappears. I require him to meet me in person, and tell me why he don’t want to meet me again if that is the case. That is showing me respect. If he disappears without a word, I feel a growing hatred, to the extend that I want a hell of a revenge. It irritates me that too many women just lick their wounds and go on. Don’t!!!
great article
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Just came across this article and all I have to say is that this seems like an increasing trend, especially in online dating comunity.I have had a few similar experiences recently so I can tell from my own perspective that most of the time we cannot blame men for this kind of outcome.When I look back thinking what I did wrong when those men slept with me and then dissapeared soon after,I realized that first of all i always chose younger and good looking men that are in higher demand and therefore they have more chances to hook up with multiple women and stay with noone.Also those men never talked about wanting a relationship and some even claimed they prefer to remain single as their lifestyle is already hectic and they feel like it would put a strain on relationship if being in one.The biggest mistake I made is not giving a chance to show my true self .If we women really want a guy to like us more then just for a one night stand or occasional sexual encounter we need to put out the best of our personality and show that we are more than a sexual object and by not giving in so easy and so fast because either we are lonely or we haven’t had it for a while.There are milions of women making same mistake every day and it just makes it easier for guys to keep sleeping with us and dumping us.Also acting this way ,we will know who is truly interested in in us or not
I absolutely agree – effort makes a difference when it comes to anything in life. And while just doing your best to be the best person or the best woman you can is not a guarantee of finding a great man and a great relationship, it will surely increase the chances of that.
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I have some good and bad one night stand experiences. When I say good, I mean the sex was out of this world passionate and crazy. One guy hit my g-spot the entire time and it sent me into a frenzy because I never experienced that before. He was very handsome and we had a lot in common. He was up for sex again except he was only in town on a temporary basis and lived too far of a commute. The next guy was super sweet and caring, he was willing to please and very easy on the eyes. He invited me out to an event initially before having sex, but I declined because I didn’t think he was serious. We did it like 5 times in one night and the chemistry was pretty amazing. We were both so excited that we did it on a second night, multiple times as well. Only thing is I fell for him really hard. After the sex, he planned on taking me out on an official date (which was his idea). Well when that day came, he never got back to me (just ignored my texts). I was so distraught because I felt like he was really into me. I often wondered if things would of went differently if I had accepted his first date invitation (before offering sex). This is what happens when you have low self esteem. Worse thing is he was already going away for a 6 month travel, so i don’t think he was looking for something serious anyway. Now I still think about him after a year. We’re friends on Facebook so I just admire him from a far.
Thanks for sharing your experiences. While creating mixed emotions they surely sound like they were interesting experiences and something to remember.
I agree. He invested nothing, yet you had sex with him. Maybe he thinks you do it all the time?
It’s just hormones. After the release of which, the man loses all interest. That’s why you’ve got to keep a man interested and pierce his heart first BEFORE SLEEPING WITH HIM! The longer the better. Also, women who have one night stands are perceived as VERY LOW QUALITY because they are too easy. No challenge so the guy moves on. Easy.
Totally true, but the 3rd wave feminists constantly encourage women to have casual sex which drives down the woman’s value in men’s eyes. Sex positivity may be in vogue, but women giving out sex with men who invested nothing only hurts women’s chance of finding a good man.
And after all ladies, do you want to be attractive to man-hating feminists or high quality men?
It’s disgusting that you people devalue only women who do this as they have sexual power over you,but the men are not seen as “immoral” or “low value” for lying cheating sleeping around and degrading people using people etc.personally I’ve never had ONS but many of my friends who do have gotten long term relationships out of it and guess what? Being loyal to men and innocent and honest in LTR has only gotten me hurt abused and alot of misery but I guess that’s you want isn’t it,have control over women.as it only benifits men.listen up ladies being the picture perfect girlfriend will get you walked all over,any one using the term “high value” is a massive red flag run away as fast as you can,bitches get better guys and they know it.men are never going to change if we don’t call out their immoral behaviour.you disgust me
In my experience, it’s the women that disappear after a one-night stand. Then they falsely claim the guy left so they can play the victim. Also it avoids making them look like a slut,
It happens, and it’s odd. I think that some women, even those who want a bf, are open to having a one night stand but after doing so, think that any guy who would indulge that temptation wouldn’t be boyfriend material. Just because we f*cked the fist night doesn’t mean I’m not happy to commit, or that I think less of the woman for doing it with me. We had fun, nothing wrong with that.
Very much agree. It’s wrong to automatically assume that just because you slept with someone too quickly it means that there is no potential for a meaningful connection to develop.
Pish…a woman uses a man for his money, his status, and his utility and
nobody cares. A man uses a woman for sex and we have to convene a
council to do something about the “problem”. These men are just giving back what they are getting.
I don’t agree with the person who said a woman has been played by a guy if he disappears after sex. It’s all perspective: if a woman feels like she’s been played then she probably has confidence issues, a confident woman would say to herself, “eh, he wasn’t all that so whatever. I just wanted to fuck anyway”, and goes on with her life without even thinking about the guy ever again, then I’d say she’s a boss. A woman just like a man has the right to fuck whoever she wants, when she wants. If he disappears, so fucking what. You got yours too.
This very much depends on the woman’s perspective. if she is the type of “modern” woman who can have casual sex like gusy do then this definitely applies to her. However, if she is wishes to reserve physical intimacy for a special guy & special relationship and she attaches a lot of meaning to it, she will inevitably feel played.
Let us not forget that men and women are built differently. Even though this is far from a strict rule, we can’t expect men and women, in general, react the same way to different situations when it comes to dating and sex.
Yes, that’s why I did state that it’s all perspective. I did not generalize all men and women. One woman might feel played and another might not. However, I hate that society has this double standard in which a man can fuck around and he’s a player who got over when that’s also all perspective. Women have way more power and are the ones who can decide who to sleep with and when. In your example, regarding the female that attaches a lot of meaning into sex and reserves the act with that one special guy then she should wait to get to know a him a little better before having sex with him and not participate in a one-night stand. Because then the possible result of a the guy “disappearing” after the one-night stand is something this particular type of woman probably can’t handle and that’s okay. One-night stands are not for everyone. And one-night stands in which a man does ghost a woman does NOT mean the woman was played. She just met a cool guy, wanted to have sex with him and that was exactly what happened…sex. If she walks away feeling used or whatever then hook-up culture isn’t for her. Sometimes a guy thinks it’s polite to tell a woman I’ll call you or I’ll see you later after sex and they never do it. A woman shouldn’t place too much meaning into these words and the type of woman who does place meaning into these words was probably looking for a deeper connection. Unfortunately, a hook-up usually doesn’t lead to a deep connection and the guy probably viewed it as a physical release and therefore that “type” of woman will feel played. If you are the kind of person who can go into a one night stand without expectations then go for it. If you can not do that, then it’s okay, you are still a “modern woman”, you just prefer not to put yourself in a situation where you might get ghosted. Some guys talk a lot of shit to get a woman in bed, if you are a woman looking for more than just sex, then you have to watch out for red flags. If you just want to have sex one night, then that particular shit talking guy will definitely give it to you and it will usually be nothing more than that. Basically, just know who you are, what you want, what you don’t want, what you can handle and what you can’t.
I agree with you 100% your great!
Yep, but said woman doesn’t hear the crude, humiliating way such arrogant jackasses often describe the whole ONS experience.
I’ve known a number of guys who do quite well with women, have ONSs, then invariably trash their ONS partner, and think it’s funny. They make it SOUND like the woman was used. Do women ever trash the guys they sleep with?
It’s a shame, but a remember a couple guys in college who did that, and “poisoned the water” so to speak.
So I googled that because I wonder what is it about guy’s behavior to sleep with women over and over again. I want to give my advice to anyone who comes here. If you are a very sexual person, consider not to put yourself in the “lion cage” which is on-line dating sites (: . the best place to find one night stands where women long for affection.
Most women want a guy that’s out of her league… The top 20% ers of men who are datable according to quipid online study. These men have multiple women who want to date them and will have sex with you and not be very attracted to you then will drop you. The reality of dating…. Good luck girls.Are there any good men you ask? Yes they are the ones you overlook and reject all the time, the bottom dwellers, those in the bottom ,80%….not datable………
Nice said. What else is there about on line dating I should know? I guess it takes to kiss a few frogs to find your prince. I don’t want to see it , however, settling for a bottom dwellers when there could be good guys in the top 20, desirable and honest.I agree many are dishonest about trying to get numbers and they are not good guys but need to prove themselve desired. I think high percentage of them. So if you feel you want sex, this is what you get, if you want relationship you need to aim for minority.
Unfortunately I am one those in the 40-50% fit, good career, but not quite GQ for most women, can only attract occasional over weight women. Funny though I get hit on by more guys…I gave up on online dating to much time with little or no reward.
Red pill nonsense,if only 20% of men are attractive to women than why do more than 20% of men have girlfriends? It’s like 50% of the population that are in relationships the women are obviously attracted to them,my advice is quite watching YouTube reels get outside of the house develop some social skills go to the gym and deodorant goes a long way
Good luck on you’re endeavour’s
A very sexual person wants to be on a dating site. They are called players. It is an easy way to play the numbers game for them to have sex. This does ruin it for honest people who want a relationship and do not sleep around.
Yes sad but true.
Some games are not neccesary, some wm are free 🎮, & that’s the way it is…
Surely, majority of the time, shed had enough experience 2 know better, 2 do better & be better.
Truth starts with oneself, embrace it!
But isnt he sleeping with her on the first date? Hiw can we truust him? It can go bith ways
This is sad. One night stands are all about sex. It will leave the girl feel dirty, used and guilt. If she has done this to all sorts of men, then it’s a different story. Sex is sex if it is too easy for a guy. It doesn’t matter what kind of a person the girl is, because sex is sex.
It makes her feel no more dirtier than a man…
I guess it depends on the person,each to their own,we shouldn’t push purity culture but neither hook up culture.let adults do what they want as long as they’re honest about their intentions.its the lying that does the damge
It’s not just about ‘one-night stands’ is it? It’s about people who don’t want to see someone again after they have sex for the first time. Most men do want to meet up again in my experience (80% do). Those who don’t universally either have a micropenis or are so bad in bed you’re not sure if you actually had sex, so it’s mutual anyway. What amuses me is if they say stuff indicating they would like to see you again and then they don’t stay in touch. Why say it? It’s playing mind games to boost their ego. Just say ‘goodbye’ or whatever.
that’s a valid point. Like women, some men suggest that they would like to see a woman again just to be nice or because they have a hard time being direct about not wanting to see her. Others truly believe at that moment that they want to see her again, but the interest fades shortly after or it’s being replaced by an interest in someone else.
It would be great if a guy/gal would just say in the beginning that they just want sex. But if they say that they probably won’t get any. So, they play games, hence the player is born.
Well said and very true. If women were OK being with guys who sleep around, there would be no reason to be dishonest, but then we would have a whole bunch of other problems.
It would be even better if women pay attention to the signs…
both made a choice..
You’re pitiful.
Bottom line is when guys have sex and play Houdini, well ladies you got played. He was after sex and that was all he wanted. Learn a lesson here and do not fall for the B.S. Learn how to spot a player. This just happened to me. It was like a hit and run. I thought I knew better. My radar is so up now.
Spotting a player is probably one of the more difficult things for women to do, even if that’s something that many would love so much to do. This is because they come in different packages and flavors. And also, like the article mentions – guys often don’t really know what they want from a woman until after they sleep with her. Having your radar up might protect you, but if it’s too high up – it will cause other issues, including of course – not getting close to someone who could potentially become very special to you.
I do agree with you here. Though I have learned that if a guy acts like he is my boyfriend too soon or is soooo into me too soon these are red flag signs for me. Also, I really do not agree that a guy does not know what he wants from a woman till after he sleeps with her. He knows that all he wants is sex and should be honest and up front about it. Yet, if he did he probably wouldn’t get laid, hence the “player” is born. I met a guy recently and he actually has manners and doesn’t fit the player guy that I have run across. We shall see where it leads.
That’s very true. If someone acts too soon too good to be true it’s a major player giveaway.
he knows what he wamts, it just may not be her…,
Yes, women seem to attracted to men a little out if there league the top 20% of datable men, who can date multiple women and easily have sex with you and not be attracted to you. They want Gq man ….
Some chicks wind up being one night stands because they were “dead” / boring lays… just saying.
Golf course. This goes into jist being a bad sex partner in general. We need to remember however that many, if not most women, won’t be at their best in bed if they don’t know the guy well enough and thus don’t feel very comfortable yet with him.
I don’t get it practicalh. What you said makes no sense. His statement can be said about men as well, so can yours. However you’re replying in such a way as to try and explain something when there is nothing to explain? You’re essentially just commenting to comment without adding anything to the discussion.
That’s correct, Samuel. Sometimes I just like to briefly acknowledge readers’ comments to show that their point is taken as a matter of courtesy.
As long as you know it then I guess there’s nothing wrong with it. It did just throw me for a loop for like 5 minutes though because I was sitting here trying to understand what was happening in this comment section from like a month ago. I get like that sometimes.
it goes both ways, no need to be sexixt. ive had a couple one night stands and wish they had evolved into more but the girls weren’t keen, saying things like they just got out of a big relationship and wanna have fun being single for a while, or i dont have time for a relationship, and even: i already have a boyfriend sorry. this is not a jab at women its just the truth and it goes both ways, some guys and girls are committed, some are more lustful and feel they deserve multiple partners (not to say their arent sometimes reasons for this such as: not getting any from their current partner and other things)
Well said. If girls who complain about guys sleeping with them and never calling them again knew how often women do the same to guys for all kinds of reasons – from needing validation to being on a rebound, etc…, they would be really surprised.
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Um excuse me? Why is this article talking about men as if we’re all the same? Many guys would never have a one night stand, and what about all the girls who actively look for a one night stand? Women use guys for sex too!!! What is it with this obsession with needing to be in love with who you have sex with, sex has absolutely nothing to do with love, love can just be added to it.
Of course not all men are the same, and this article describes just a few common situations and reasons for one night stands. Discussion about women doing the same is a separate topic that’s discussed in other articles.
honestly everything that’s written here would still be just as valid if you switched the topic to being about why so many women have one nights stands, only difference is there would be all these reasons and a whole lot more to write about.
thing is this is about guys who leave after one night stands, not about guys who don’t leave or don’t have them.
Nowhere does the article say that *all* men have one night stands. It talks about the reasons why some men would have one night stands when they do. Women have one night stands to, but this article is written for and about men.
I had a one night stand two nights ago with my friend’s brother! It was her birthday party and everyone was off their heads, and I was no different. I didn’t know anyone at the party so I started talking to her brother and somehow I ended up in bed with him.
He said he’d text the morning after (which he did), but after a while I realized he was texting me just to be nice because he really wasn’t interested.
I don’t really care because I wasn’t interested either but the thing is, he’s my friend’s brother and we had sex in her bed! Now it’s just super awkward between us..
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…..AND most women once they realize a guy is only looking for a one night stand with a woman whom he has just met will never view that man as a serious candidate for a relationship because they will assume he has had sex with many strangers before
True, but sometimes that's all a woman is looking for as well. If both people are on the same page, no harm done.
I met a guy through a texting app and we have been talking for almost a month now until we decided to meet last weekend. he bought me dinner, and we ate by the beach, we talked and he even taught me how to drive his car. and then as the date almost came to a close, he wanted to kiss and we did and it ended up as a rather hot make out session.
he dropped me home, and texted me 'sleep well :)'. it's been 6 f*cking days after that date and he hasn't texted, called or anything. I don't have feelings for him but I am attracted to him, and I'm totally going nuts over what went wrong?!
also, he is of a different religion than me and this is considered as their holy month. could it be that he is just concentrating on his religion for the time being so that's why he isn't texting? WELL HE SHOULD'VE TOLD ME than just pulling off a dissapearing act. totally clueless now
I have had seem shit men chatting on phone texting telling me they care l am beuitful best women in world the big hurt is they ask for u address u say no sex l want serious relationship they say no not after u for sex u belive it its lies the truth is these men married girlfreind s cheats lies they tell u anything to get in u knickers l am chatting to man on phone now but since l read this has opened my eyes up he wants to meet at mine l said no he turned funny u he’s after sex use hurt me but l am wiser now
This site thanks so much helped me and stopped me being used for and hurt l was texting phoneing a man on line l know know all same shit meal want meet u reliship u kind careing beuitful sexy knickers l know know he was married girlfreind chatting to other women on line l am so thank full this men nev got to use me for sex l stuck up he did not like it and cause l said no to sex he tryed to be nice and say l want u for reliship before l would have belive it cause the advice on here opened my eyes so please watch out these men lies cheat after sex with any women for sex they are hungry for sex debbie
Good point. Sometimes, we guys think that the girl is not really interested or did not enjoy the time she spent with us, so we don't bother to call. It's been scientifically proven that we often tend to like those who like us. If the guys doesn't feel like the girl is into him, even if she slept with him, he is less likely to want to talk to see her again.
It's true that men often lie and deceive to get into a woman's pants. However, hating men for that is not going to change this very common issue. Trying to understand the reasons behind it would be much more useful. Also, although less common among women, they too are known to make it look like they are really into a guy and then stop returning his calls/texts, except this happens before they have sex. Once the girl sleeps with the guy, it goes the other way around.
I think we try to do everything we can and not get into bed with him. I agree once we do things change we have less of a control and we general don’t want to add another number if sex was great
Yes hating men for that is justified the same standards shouldn’t only be applied to women,liars are bad people who should be avoided not encouraged.
I would respect a man much more if he was honest from the start as with a woman about what they want.
And thankfully a positive about dating apps is that people can find what suits them and not lie
Very true, and often for the same reasons, although for women being embarrassed of sleeping with the guy too soon is one reason that doesn't really apply to guys, as for us it's something to be proud of, rather than being ashamed.
I experienced my first one night stand, I got lucky . I didn't get in trouble by any of his family member, friends nor any of his important social group. We only touched, hugged a little. Till I found out two years later my 5month of sex partner i decided to cut it off ,because something seems off. He ignores me when hes with his inner social group and when hes with his other social group he comes to me. I even tested him to see if he was really into me ,but hes not i pranked called him several times to see if he really cared about me, i spammed his Facebook page and he didn't respond at all he blocked me. All his friends were calling me his friends called me crazy physico they didn't even know me at all and already judging me apond my base and his friend glared at me like he wanted to kill me or something geez i didn't even do anything wrong he did.
Now I know how girls get into these kind of situations is your personality your self esteem is not stable. I was the one who was so stupid to add him on facebook, called him to hangout and he thought i was easy. The things i kept telling him was about my parents, i showed him all my friends and he showed me none of his friends.
Then one day i ask him to walk me home he took me to the park, and he started cuddling me and testing me to see if i am that type of person i'm not but i pushed it too soon and it scared him to think am i really that easy to get and he did so now he moved and married another women in another state glad i didn't get pregnant or lost my virgin ,but probably my jean had some penis gusted stain he was about to stick it in my v that time but im surprise he didn't .
he did admit he was very sorry about playing me though and im glad he leaved me alone . glad none of my pictures were that clear on the internet. his friends couldn't even see me that closely up front. every time i see him i pretend i dont know him lol so they will know hes lying. hahahh.
Thanks for sharing your experience. First, it's good that you realize that you were lucky in more ways than one, especially with the fact that you didn't get pregnant and presumably not getting diseases. This is a common experience for many girls out there. It's important that you realize that although sometimes guys know in advance that one-night stand is the only thing they want from a girl, at other times, they don't really know what they want or they are blinding by sexual desire and attraction, and they only realize that they are not really interested in seeing the girl after having sex with her after having sex once or a few times.
yeah of course i didn't regret i chose to ignore and drop the contacting, because i hate to see his friends and him gossiping about me. i am consider lucky aren't i most girls get pregnant from one night stands and i didn't. I have a good self esteem in some way. This is why girls shouldn't ask guys to hangout you do and you get laid your known as easy to get ,
I wouldn't worry about the gossip too much. Gossip is part of human nature and there is no real way to avoid it. I would hope that most women who have one night stands don't get pregnant. As we all know, there is protection out there and every woman should always use it regardless of her reasons for having casual sex. If you act on your sexual urges at any given moment with the guy you don't know very well, at least make sure you protect yourself and him from STD's and unwanted pregnancies.
She did. Her intentions were to face me off without even letting him know he'd been caught. By formally telling her after realizing she was biding her time I simply threw their problem back at them directly. What I didn't know at the time is that they were, and still are in a bizarre manipulation battle to see who can be the colder narcissist. They've used many people along the way since then and I'm very glad to be out of it. In retrospect, some people in this world really do deserve each other and they turned out to be shining examples of that. The saying And The Truth Shall Set You Free has merit, but only applies to people who have a conscience. In a world of acohol, drug use and lies lies and more lies, reality will never be an issue because it will never see the light of day. They suck people in with piles of B.S. and back each other up to make everyone else look like fools. These are not young people either, they're middle agers! Horrible, disgraceful behaviors and with kids at home too.
Always fascinating to read these articles and the way women respond compared to men. Instead of talking about the issue generally, women relate it solely to them.
While I wouldn't condone the behaviour of men who intentionally do this, you must remember the considerable effort the overwhelming majority of men have to go through to even get to the sex stage – the entire emphasis is on the man to take responsibility. Initiate a conversation with a complete stranger, create interest and attraction in a woman, hope she is interested, face numerous rejections, hope to get a number, getting large numbers of flakes, dealing with women who just want the ego boost and validation of male attention (significant numbers) being expected to pay and make arrangements for dates, drinks, whatever, be bold, make the moves, face last minute anxiety of women prior to sex.
Men, in the overwhelming majority of cases must do all of this (yes some women do this, but 95% at least, it is the man's job). For most men, the chances of success are small, the effort great. It does take a toll on a man. Most women have no idea what it is like to face this day in day out. For once, instead of just purely talking about your own individual experiences, but yourself in the OVERWHELMING MAJORITY of men's shoes.
I feel your pain. Being a perfectionist, it's difficult to forgive people for their mistakes. I know because it's difficult for me too. If a first impression disappoints, it's hard to get past that. But if you try, you might be pleasantly surprised. A relationship is both give and take. So, if you forgive her for her mistakes, she might forgive you sometime too, when you really need forgiveness. So, maybe instead of writing a woman off, because you think she's too this or that for you, try talking to her and letting her know your concerns. You're both adults, and communicating usually creates an amicable outcome. Also, just because she was one way with you, doesn't mean she's that way with every guy.
A woman teases a guy and leaves him "high and dry" for various reasons. 1. He got too touchy feely too early. 2. She likes him, but doesn't know him well enough to trust him THAT much 3. She tried to create intimacy, verbally or physically in some way, but he didn't respond, so she didn't feel comfortable taking it any further. Women generally don't leave a man "high and dry" to hurt them. Women are nurturers, not interested in causing pain. Also, it is fulfilling for her, even if he's left "high and dry". Women are also more social than men and learning about that man can be just as fulfilling, if not more, than sleeping with him. Some women don't like or even want to date. Some women just want a meaningful relationship.
Playing the same game that some guys play and seeking some kind of revenge is not going to make anyone feel like a winner. I doubt that woman who teases a guy and then leaves him high and dry would find that to be fulfilling, unless she is so desperate for a reminder that she is still attractive and wanted. When a woman falls victim to some men's games and starts playing the same games instead of refusing to lower her standards of behavior, she is going to be the one missing out on the positive experiences that dating should bring into her life.
If men are going to play the game, women should too. Women, don't give it up to easily. Tease him, make him beg, then leave high and dry if he doesn't meet requirements. Talk is cheap. I had an experience where, a man was getting excited with me date 1,2,3. I told him i am looking for a relationship. Of course he must of been horny and said, yes! so am I. Not looking for a one night stand, can you be my girl? blah blah. Well i got caught up in the moment, and slept with him on the third date. Cuddling with him felt like floating on a cloud, it was euphoric. But, guess what….i had to go out of town the next day and i was semi joking and said, 'will i see you again?' He said to 'shoot him a text when i get back.' Really? Whatever, so it's been five days, no text, no call, no "how's your vacation." Is this what we really have been reduced to in this world? A toy, a game, a conquest. You know what you men should be ashamed of yourselves, In fact you are not men at all, just little boys. My point is, do not believe anything they say. Just see in their actions. You are a prize, be confident, and don't settle for less. What happened to men that choose a girl and settle down without all of this game playing, mind manipulation bullshit.
That's a frustrating situation for sure. The best you can do is control what is going on for you instead of trying to figure out what's going on in his head. Decide what it is your really want from him, tell him so, and if he cannot or will not accept that, then move on. It's a challenge not to take it personally when he says he's "not attracted to you" ,we all would, but everyone has different tastes in personality, looks, and character. Some guys that your friends think are gorgeous, you have no desire for. Nice to see you put yourself out there though, a big step out of the comfort zone no? Exciting personal development in your life none the less which shouldn't go without praise 🙂
Found by accident, I'm loving your website. So, I’ve decided to share my story as well. I’m 20 years old and since September that I’ve been regularly seeing a boy, 10 years older than me. We were nothing but friends, although I always felt something special for him. We had good talks, he was a good listener and gave me advices on my worries and I felt like I had somebody I could count on. For over 4 months he always treated me as a caring friend, so I “packed” my feelings away and did my best to see him just as a friend as well. In January, suddenly he mentioned for the first time that he was interested in me as more than a friend. He told me we should always take time to get to know each other before starting a romantic relationship. I was very surprised with his sudden change and honestly, although having some strong feelings for him, I didn’t know what it was best, if to keep a friend or eventually win a boyfriend. Anyway, after his words, I knew we would never be simply friends again, so a couple of weeks ago I agreed to go for dinner at his place. We kissed for the first time and we went to bed together. He seemed to enjoy my body but I was very nervous – I’m a bit ashamed of this but I’m still a virgin. We have tried, but it simply didn’t work out. It was my fault and I felt very frustrated. Anyway, a couple of days after our dinner, he sent a message telling that he had changed his mind about me and that he no longer felt physically attracted to me. My self esteem is absolutely down. We were friends… how could he have changed his mind so suddenly just because I failed on my first time??? I know I was insecure and nervous, but I’m eager to learn and I’m sure I will get better. Why didn't I deserve a 2nd chance??? Will I ever attract him again?? I feel so down… I’m broken hearted and I now lost a friend whom I trusted. I feel like writing him a long letter letting him know about my disappointment and my deepest feelings about this all, but on the other hand, maybe I should simply “keep quiet” and forget about it all… Please can somebody advise me???
Hi, I am a male and just recently met a woman at a concert we hung out all night and she wanted me to come stay at her place we were very attracted to eachother at that point of the night I was way to drunk to have sex so it was pretty lousy. The next morning I wake up and she is cuddling with me and kissing me and saying she doesn’t want me to leave, so I stayed there for about 5 hours in bed with her watching tv and talking, I had to go to a family christmas party so I tried to call my brother and he wouldnt answer to give me a ride so I said I would call a cab but she wanted to take me home.
She is 29 years old and I am 21, I lost my phone in the cab that night and she knew that, when she dropped me off she said she would call me in a few days when I get my phone. Well I am getting my phone today and was wondering if she is really as interested into me as I am her. Should I call her today? It has been 3 days.
i met a guy about 8 months ago online and we talked almost every night. i finally decided to meet with him and ended up having sex. he was very sweet but i barely talk to him now. i feel terible about this. and not to mention i felt so used to the point it made me sick. i refuse to text him or call him. i feel that if he wants to see me he would contact me. u have no clue what to do. its horrible!!
Hello guys,that’s me again lol.I tough my story was finished but no…He call me today after 18 days silence!He call me and invite me with my son to visit him for 1-2 days.I was shocked i was so surprised,i still can’t believe…So guys i don’t know what to do…from one side i don’t trust him, but on the other hand i really want to meet him again!I am in love with him that’s for sure,i knew this from the day 1 i met him,the problem is that i am scared,i dont trust him…Do you think guys,i can take this risk or just to give up from him?Oh it is so difficult to decide,but i really want him so much!
@ Vesela
If you are in love with thim, I could see why there would be a great temptation to see him, but his inconsistent behavior might end up hurting you more than making you enjoy this. The one question, of course, that only you can answer is this: are you willing to take and enjoy whatever you can from his, however little it might be, or are you attached to the outcome and to the long term plans that you might or would like to have with that guy….
@practicalh,
Thank you so much for the advise!But i took my decision-i told him that i wont come to visit him,because i don't trust him after all,and yes i love him but i am not welling to be only sex partner with him, even that our sex was unbelievable!And this morning he call me and we talk,he say its shame he wouldn't see my son bla,bla,bla..i told my door is open, if your is open too you have to work to win me again,he accepted this and that's all…now we gonna see what will happen…But guys i feel i take the right decision,no matter what!I have proud in the end!And thank you very much,its great that you are here:)!And sorry about my English lol!
@ John, I couldn’t agree more. It’s so important to remember that any skill worth having and any progress is gradual. An easy but ineffective way out is to give up and say that it’s just how it is about any problem. A harder but a much more effective and fulfilling way to handle problems is to try to solve them.
Giving up on dating or on meeting the right person is no different. You can either leave things to chance to do something about both, being more attractive, and also put yourself in different situations to meet more and better people.
John…thank you so much for your blunt honesty. I know all of this to be true by experience and confirmed by all of my guy friends. The only thing I would challenge you on is that there are plenty of great men out there that would work perfectly for me. That is just not the case, but again I really appreciate you telling the truth about men and sex. It is universal.
@Laura, Laura, I’m happy to be honest, and to continue in that fashion, here is what I have to say. There is a ridiculous amount of people out in the world, half of them are men. You can’t possibly tell me you’ve gone out of your way and got to know 100’s or 1000’s of these men on a personal level, because if you did, you’d know someone IS perfect for you. Maybe not long term until you die of old age kind of perfect, but at very least, perfect for you right NOW. In today’s society, to meet these men, it’s seen as the man’s responsibility to introduce himself and sweep a women off her feet. This responsibility may be out of her control, but she is at very least responsible for herself. She can continue to work on improving herself in every way, physically and mentally. The confidence and beauty a women expresses by taking control of her life and loving her body and mind is something that few men can resist. If she keeps working on her body and mind, every day she’ll be seen as more and more attractive, physically and mentally, to more and more men. This process takes baby steps and time, but so does digging ones self into a place where they feel no one can love them. A lot of women just need to step somewhere, sometime, NOW.
Guys do silly things that screw with the minds of women every day. Confident guys have a string of girls and know they can always obtain more. On the other hand guys who are not confident will hold onto you until a newer, hotter, nicer girl comes and takes your place, usually by random circumstances. The less confident a man is in meeting new girls the longer it will take for him to replace you, hence why sometimes you can be feel like your being dragged along just for sex…it’s because it’s true. This man lacking in REAL confidence won’t want any relationship with you because of your looks or personality, or both, but your satisfying his urges until a replacement is met. Don’t trust a man’s going to call you back and wanna marry you when the both of you are drunk and hooking up in the back seat of his Mustang after the first night of meeting. Booze is a terrible indicator of interest. Stick to sober men, and stay sober yourself…That way if you are chatting to him, you’ll notice those eyes of hunger for you which he doesn’t give to girls he’s not interested in. Girls, you know the eyes, you give it to attractive men all the time. Also, on final thought, a real confidence man who knows what he wants (every girls dream guy) will make sure he keeps seeing more of you, no just for sex, but for dinners and PUBLIC things. If he just wants to see you in house and wont go out for a public outing, then your in trouble, he’s embarrassed by you. Move on. There’s plenty of great men out there that will work perfectly for you, it’s a matter of time, and numbers, meet lots of men and if they seem like there messing with you, be honest and tell them what you want. If that scares them and makes them run off, all the better for you, but if it doesn’t scare them and they look into your eyes and tell you they have the same feelings… Then you know you have a keeper.
Hello girls!I want to tell you my story,happens to me the last 3 days.Sorry for my English!So last month i meet a men in dating site.But he is from other city so we couldn't meet earlier.But all the month he send me everyday 2 sms and 1 call.Even change his mobile operator to be same with me.Min wile we delete our profiles in that site,but once i created 1 false account just to check and yes he was there again!I was so mad at him,send him sms and say thats all we are over!But then he call me and say that @dont trust to internet its not me pls pls i want only u@and in the end he convince me.So in 28 this month he come with his car and pick up me 2 h travel till his city.I stay with him 3 days and we have great,unbelievable sex(it was my dream to have sex with black)Just amazing.But in last day he say that he need to go for 2h to his work,then he say no 2 but 4h in the and he call me and say i will be back in 3 oclock.So he come back and was more tender then usually and we make again sex,and then he take me with the car to train station,so i wont miss my train.But in all the way he kept silence,in the station give me few kisses and half hug(really like he dont want to hug me)and say @Thanks that u come and cya)and go.1.5h i waited for the train and finally i arrived at home.Received that night only one very dry sms that he tried to call me but unsuccessful,and hope that i am fine at home.But no kisses and sweet words as usually.I answer him to call me after 10 min because i am in the tube and have 2 more stations,But he didnt and i think he fall a sleep.But today all day no sms from him,no nothing.I feel so bad,dont know what to do,i decide already to dont sms or call him,but i am very bad situation all day,crying and miss him like hell!What to do,pls give me advice!I am 40 he is 44y.
@Jdawg, exactly the same thing happened to me. I'm married and had this fling with a married man who seemed very keen to have an affair with me. He pursued me and after two dates he came to my house and we had sex. I made it clear I wasn't interested in a serious relationship. I took a risk having sex with him in my house and afterwards he said we should find an alternative, a hotel or something. I then phoned him the same day to make an appointment a few days later to which he agreed. But on the day of our date he texted me that he couldn't make it but that he would call me. Of course he never did. Now I'm wondering. Why didn't he just tell me up front he wasn't interested anymore? He seemed really into me. I know his wife and she s really unatractive. And i had the impression he really enjoyed the sex with me. It's really weird.
Hello everyone! I recently had my very first one night stand at the age of 27- bit late on the uptake really, but I've always been in long term relationships until about a year and a half ago. The one night stand was really unexpected- we weren't drunk, we didn't know each other, we just got chatting in a bar and I thought- why not get laid tonight?!
We had really kinky sex, which I have never experienced before. In the morning I felt really good, we didn't exchange numbers and I thought it had gone pretty well for my first attempt. We didn't hug or really touch each other like we were in a relationship- it was just all about the sex.Because of that, I think that he must have had a lot more experience in these matters than me- until then I had only had sex with guys that I was in love with. I must admit that when we were done, I kinda wanted him to go and now realise that I should have somehow got him to leave.I kinda thought, the least I could do was give him a bed for the night, but he didn't afford me the same courtesy later on as u will see, so I say next time. Fuck em and kick em out!!
Then about a week later I thought ' I wonder if I can find him on Facebook?' BIG MISTAKE!! He wouldn't add me as a friend or return my message. I didn't really expect it to go anywhere, I just thought it would be cool to flirt a bit more or sth. I just wanted to normalise it, but as I started looking at his photos and listening to song tracks that he recorded, I began to somehow develop feelings for him! weird! The thing that really annoyed me was that in the bar he wanted to add me on Facebook and i was like, oh, maybe later. It was him who suggested it in the first place-freak!
I had kinda picked him out at the bar as being ok, I didn't really fancy him, but was just a bit horny. I wish I had never looked for him on Facebook cause then I was like-OMG he is so hot!!and he sings really well-damn it! I think that my only option is to block him now to stop myself obsessing over it and learn from this next time. I was thinking about leaving Facebook anyway, I just need to sort my pictures out first and make hard copies.
I personally think that girls should have more fun with one night stands and I intend to in the future. I mean dress up like a character- lie about your name, play up to your fantasies, let yourself go- it's one night only- do what the hell you like then move onto the next one. If you want a relationship, then this obviously isn't the right approach- it's all about the sexploration! Enjoy it while u can and if mr right turns up at some point then great, but until then- it's game on!!
All in all I think that I had a good time and he taught me how to do the dirty properly- he didn't come across as being overly interested in me, he didn't have to talk shit to get me into bed. It was all just a rather pleasant way to pass the time. Personally I wouldn't have minded some seconds,but I think that that may be a different ball game all together and a bit of a risk, so all in all it probably turned out for the best in the end.
My story is a little different. I met this guy out in July. He is 51 and I’m 46. We got on like a house no fire and I took him home that night. We kept in touch for a couple of weeks and then nothing. I forgot all about him and then last weekend he turns up on my doorstep. He had only been to my place once and that was at night. He said he didnt remember exactly where I lived but had been driving around the streets near my house and recognised my car. He said he hadnt been in contact as he had a motorcycle accident. I saw the scars and the bike so I believed his story.
We went out for dinner and drinks and had another great night and I stayed at his place. I havent heard from him since. I dont care about the no contact, but my question is why did he go to all effort to find me?
I was just reading all the blogs…but its really irritating when guys do such kind of things…
I knw this guy since 2.5 years and has been a gud friend of mine.. and i do like him a lott inspite he toldd me that hes committed as i never wanted to come in between these guys.. but nw as he is single now( no more into the realation) I had a one night stand with him recently.. as I was already emotionally attached to him and that night has made me more close to him but all in vain this guy has not called me up since then i dont knw what to do. I tried to call him but he said hes busy and txt him too and he replied that he will call me soon.. and i m still waiting for his call..
I know he will never but the pain is unbearable he left me shatterd… Y do guys cant have a simple closure.. I have decided i will not make him any call i do have my own self respect…
Guy I met and had a one night stand with years ago, who I actually thought was marriage material never really called again, I was sad sort of but moved on. Bumped into him a few times over the years… ended up seeing each other for what I THOUGHT was just another romp one lazy afternoon and he starts talking dating and marriage or do i just want to be fwb? holy! talked for hours and then romped. I didn't know what to say, so didn't say anything. Then he starts contacting me daily the next few days. And well I do really like him but thought ok there is no way I can do a one nighter again with him so I told him has to be a relationship or just friends. He said he'd think about it and continued to contact me and then started hitting me up for more "fun" which I pretty much ignored even though I wanted to do it, I knew I'd get hurt if I did. Never asked me out on a date and a week later he's still "thinking" about the relationship thing but I haven't bothered him about it. He is a rather respectful guy, he hit on me with words, he wasn't all grabby, I ended up taking him to the bedroom both times so I don't feel bad about it. I finally know where my boundaries are but I think it will suck if he doesn't want a relationship, kinda love him a bit. on pins and needles lol