Top Reasons Why Men Lose Interest in a Woman

top reasons why men lose interest in a womanMany women have the frustrating experience of going out with a guy on one or a few dates, thinking that things go very well between the two of them, and then having that guy suddenly stop calling, lose all interest in them and disappear. It is probably not a big deal when it happens with one or two guys, but if this has been your experience with men over and over for several years or longer, it is hard to not take this personally and not start believing that there is something about you that turns men off and makes those men lose interest in you over and over. Obviously, every dating situation and every interaction between you and a guy is unique and different. Therefore, the reasons behind the guy losing interest in you can be just as different. Having said that, there are several common reasons that a man may lose interest in you, besides the typical  “no chemistry” situation, and the other very common situation, where the guy is simply not interested in dating one woman as he just wants to date, have fun and sleep around with different women.  The following are top eight reasons why men lose interest in a woman they started seeing, and what you can do to eliminate those possible causes and thus increase your ability of keeping the guy’s interest and desire to be with you:

1. Guys Lose Interest In You Because You Are Overweight

It is a cruel but also a true fact that if a woman is not physically attractive enough, there will be guys who willing to go out with her, but that usually wont’ last very long. While there is only so much we can do to improve our looks and be more attractive physically, there is one major step that a woman can take to become more attractive, and that’s  – losing weight, if she is overweight. The very interesting fact that’s rarely mentioned about women is this: if you are not overweight – if your body is reasonably fit – chances are that unless there is some serious disfigurement in your face or body, you are probably attractive enough and sexually desirable to most guys, and now what really matters is your personality. However, if you are overweight, losing weight and building a more attractive body is critical to your ability to attract more men – from catching their eye when you are walking down the street, to wanting them to talk to you at a bar or a restaurant or online, and eventually wanting to touch you.  This is not to mention all the other benefits that losing excess weight will have on your life – better health, more energy, higher self confidence, better posture, and numerous other benefits that go well beyond dating.

2. Guys Lose Interest In You Because You Talk Too Much

No matter how smart a person is, if he dominates a conversation, he will be boring and even tiring to the other person. I and my friends met some incredibly beautiful women over the course of our dating lives, but we simply couldn’t stand being around some of them because they wouldn’t stop talking. While it’s obvious when someone else talks a lot, it’s not nearly as noticeable when you evaluate your own conversational habits. One of my favorite ways to keep yourself in check and making sure that you don’t talk too much is making sure that you don’t talk for longer than 30 seconds in a row without letting the other person respond. I also encourage you to ask your friends whether they think you talk too much or interrupt their conversation or otherwise dominate your interaction. Insist that they be honest with you and not tell you what you want to hear, but instead – tell you how it is. And if you have any doubt about how unattractive excessive chattiness is, just think about person, a guy or a woman, who you know talks to much, and ask yourself yourself whether you find it annoying in them. I bet the answer is going to be a resounding yes.

3. Guys Lose Interest In You Because You are Too Uptight

This girl told me once on the phone that she couldn’t meet me because her car broke down, to which I replied: “Well, that’s what happens when you let women drive.” Instead of laughing at the comment as most women would, she got angry, thought I was serious, hung up on me and later demanded an apology. Few things are bigger turn-offs and are more unattractive than a woman who is uptight, who can’t take a joke and who says “Ahh, how dare you!” instead of laughing at an inappropriate comment or a sexual innuendo and dishing one of her own. Dark humor, sarcasm and sexual comments are a spice life and love life for every interesting, ambitious guys. If you are interesting in dating and having a relationship with one, you should consider stopping to take yourself too seriously, open your mind and enjoy dark humor, rather than being intimidated by it or judge it.

4. Guys Lose Interest In You Because You Are Boring

If you don’t have much to say, and if you don’t have too many interesting thoughts and observations to share, and you don’t know how to respond to what the guy you are seeing says, thinks and believes in, you are not going to keep a great guy’s interest for very long. Boring dates feel like a torture, and no one is interested in going into one or sticking around when they realize that they have to push the conversation to simply fill the time. Surely there is no shortcut to becoming a more interesting person, but there is a great, long-term solution – you started learning more things about yourself, about your environment and the world. TV, magazines, books, meeting new people, watching different shows, and engaging in social events will give you much more material to think about and form your views on. Surely, there is a lot of junk out there on TV and in magazines, but there is also lots of good material. It is your duty to choose and “filter” the bad stuff out. As you become a more interesting woman, this will go far beyond improving your dating life and will make you much more attractive and interesting to your friends, and co-workers, and will likely create new social and professional opportunities for you that you didn’t even think existed and were available to you.

5. Guys Lose Interest In You Because You Are an Ultra Feminist

While equality and equal rights are great, more and more women take the notion of feminism way too far. For some women showing and proving to the world that they can do and be anything a guy can is their life’s mission. Equally opportunities for women is a great concept without which no society has the right to call itself free and civilized.  However, when this equality comes at the expense of femininity and elegance – women pay a high price of becoming very unattractive to the opposite sex. It’s a fundamental law of nature that masculine, confident, attractive men are attracted to the opposite – feminine women – women who possess a feminine voice, walk, and manners. Don’t take me wrong. I would never suggest that a woman should stay home and cook and clean. This is not what it is about.

A woman can be very educated, successful and independent and still retain her femininity and be proud of being a woman. Stop hiding the fact that you are different from guys. You are and it’s good news – good for you and for men. There is a saying “Bitches get corner office.” I seriously doubt it. Part of being professional and romantically successful has always been being a lady, and being a lady and a “bitch” are mutually exclusive.

6. Guys Lose Interest In You Because You Are a Victim of Your Own Bad Dating Past

Many women have a bad relationship with a guy who is controlling and possessive at least once in their lives. Breaking up with such a guy feels like a very liberating experience – like putting more air in your lungs, like letting your tied wings go free, if you will. A woman who goes through such a bad relationship in which she submitted to the guy’s controlling and possessive nature, jumps into another extreme with the other guys that she meets later. She makes it a point to show to every guy she meets that she is not going to “obey” him and do what she wants. She will do the opposite from what the guys asks or suggests just for the sake of showing that no one can tell her what to do, and that she decides what she does for herself. This is unfortunate because it creates unnecessary problems and challenges in communication. If you believe that you create such challenges in your interaction with men, you should do your best to not let your past negative experience with a jealous guy affect your present and future interactions with men.

7. Guys Lose Interest In You Because You Are Not Great in Bed / You Are a Mediocre Sex Partner

Many women either ruin the romantic tension and the connection with the guy in bed. Few women act in a way that will make sleeping with them a great, memorable experience that the guy is eager to repeat. Some of the big turn-offs for guys are women who are either too quiet in bed (not making any sounds that would indicate their enjoyment and would look like they are bored), or those who talk too much, or say something inappropriate and irrelevant at the very wrong time. Not many women know what they are doing with their hands and their mouth when it comes to the man’s body. If a man had a mediocre experience sleeping with you for the first time, he is unlikely to want to do that again.

This might sound extreme, but there is probably no better way to learn how to be a better sex partner than by observation. Thus, you should not be afraid to rent erotic or even quality pornographic movies that will inspire you and will give you some great ideas on how to make your sexual experience more sensational and satisfying to both you and the guy. Make no mistake about it – this kind of skill is not common, and your guy, especially if he has “been around the block” will appreciate it because he knows that this is not common. Sure, you might be grossed out by some of the things you are going to see in these movies, but if you learn a thing or two out of a movie that will make your and your potential or existing partner’s sex life more exciting and fulfilling, that movie was time well spent.

8. Guys Lose Interest In You Because You Are Too Competitive and “Feisty”

It is very common for a woman who had dated a controlling, possessive, jealous guy to try to “make up” to herself for that time that she was subjected to such treatment, by jumping into another extreme, and challenging her next partner for a reason or not reason just for the sake of showing to him over and over and he cannot control her. She will disagree on the place to eat, go out at, travel to, and do not because she doesn’t like his idea, but because she wants to demonstrate to him that he cannot control her. A strong, confident guy will be turned-off and will lose interest in such a woman quickly because to him – such an attitude is incompatible with a very notion of being feminine. If you believe that you have been trying to overcompensate for the past “subordination” in your relationships with men by being too independent and too competitive, do yourself a favor and don’t allow your past haunt your present future and don’t allow the immaturity of your past dating partners to negatively affect your dating life today.

No one can guarantee to you any kind of protection from meeting and seeing guys who will later lose interest in you. However, by paying attention to the above six possible issues that you might be having in your interactions with guys, you will dramatically improve the chances of keeping any guy’s interest and coming across as a more attractive and desirable woman.

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  • StanUlam

    Women are a lot of work for a lot of risk and little reward. Not surprising male interest in them has faded.

  • Fit and tones women can look great. I was talking about extremely muscular women with no fat, no hips, six pack and bulging biceps. Of course different men have different tastes but many would find that type of physical quite unattractive.

  • Crash Burn

    Go to any yoga studio and see how awesome women look with 10 pounds of muscle on them. They don’t look anywhere near huge, most certainly not like the huge fitness chicks but yes women can work out and look incredible. They look fit/lean if that makes any sense. But ya if women have high expectations of men to the point where we have to take steroids to get that big they can go to a yoga class and put on those 10 pounds of muscle.

  • Dan Sword

    Actual fertility and perceived signs of fertility are two separate things though. An infertile woman can outwardly exhibit all of the classic signs of fertility. Even things that men aren’t consciously aware of (smell, etc.).

  • Dan Sword

    Of course it is (biologically rooted). Think about it from a survival perspective. A woman’s very survival used to 100% depend on her ability to catch the attention of a man. On the other hand, a man’s survival is 100% rooted on being able to adapt to and solve problems. This means a man must be smart & creative, while a woman must simply be a whore. I’m not *trying* to sound like a dick here, but what else is it called when you’re only goal is to trade your pussy for stability & safety? Even though a single woman can survive today, that has only been the case for a very short period of time. For most of human history, a woman without a man (or men) looking out for her = a dead woman.

    Plus, in today’s world, women are raised with this idea that they’re all disney princesses, and that they should always “follow their heart”, etc. This does not exactly help monogamy.

    I’m not even particularly trad. I never wanted a subservient wife-bot. I always wanted an equal partner. In fact, my ex-gf used to complain that I wouldn’t choke her and hit her during sex. And she had repeatedly expressed that she had rape-fantasies. This is something that is just totally unattractive to me, so I would not indulge her in that way.

  • One prominent dating advice guru recently stated that attention is women’s currency. Instagram certainly doesn’t help. I wonder if seeking attention is also biologically rooted in women. If so, why? What would be the greater purpose?

  • Dan Sword

    Oh something else that I’ve learned… I am routinely told by people that it is MY fault that she broke up with me. Like I wasn’t good enough or man enough, etc. Because there’s this double-standard where women are not responsible for their actions. My own mother routinely blames me. In fact, just yesterday she made a comment to me like that. So I finally told her straight up: I was like, “Mom. You have no fucking idea about my relationship with Bridgette. You have no fucking idea of the things she’s done or why she’s done them.”

  • I recently stumbled upon a convincing article stating that while fertility is the ultimate goal of consummation, it’s not the only or even the most dominant factor in attraction. Consider a very attractive woman who happened to be infertile. Would she be any less desirable? Or the opposite – a muscular woman who has no problem bearing children. Will it make her more attractive? No. Fertility is just one factor.
    They often say that hips to waste ratio is attractive to men precisely because of fertility. I am quite skeptical that this is the real reason or the main reason..

  • Dan Sword

    I’ll tell you exactly what I’ve learned:

    Any woman is capable of this sort of behavior. Even the ones that seem to be reasonable, stable, and smart. The reason is that they require male attention like we require air to breathe. And they will do whatever they have to do to get it. And since there’s no longer a stigma on being a filthy whore, they will do that too.

    This happened almost two years ago, and I can tell you right now… I have no interest whatsoever in being involved, even on a limited basis, with any woman ever again.

  • That’s a movie production worthy story. I am trying to think of what less, if any, you can learn to avoid this type of woman in the future, but I can’t think of any. How about you?

  • Dan Sword

    Yeah I think that’s a turn-off too. Huge muscles are not a sign of feminine fertility, which is probably why they are unattractive to most men.

  • Dan Sword

    Oh btw: My reply to her when she told me she wanted to break up, etc… It was, “OK. I’m taking the girls” (meaning the cats; one was mine and the other was hers but clearly loved me best). She didn’t even try to argue, even though she LOVED her cat to pieces.

  • Dan Sword

    I only found out about the really horrible shit after we had split up. Basically, two weeks before we split, she told me that she was going to spend the night at her mom’s. She fed me this story about how she was gonna watch movies with her mom, who was now alone, after breaking up with her boyfriend of like 10 years. I was like, “Sure hon! Spend time with your mom. I’ll invite my brother over and we’ll have quesadillas and watch something.” She comes home and she’s acting all weird, not answering simple questions about where she was and what she did. At this point, I had come to believe so strongly in her fidelity that I ignored clear signs. Then two weeks later, I wake up one Saturday and literally the first thing she says to me is, “I want to break up”. I just brewed coffee and sat down to drink it without a word. Then she started explaining that she wasn’t in fact with her mom. At that point, I moved out but remained in limited contact with her over the phone (mostly texting sometimes). And over time, I found out more and more. About two months after we split up, she calls me all upset & crying, asking if I’ll come over. So I do. She basically starts telling me how she made this huge mistake cheating on me, etc. and she wants to reconcile. I thought on what she said, and I told her: “If you admit that what you did was wrong and give me assurances that you have learned a lesson, then I will accept your apology”. She almost flipped out with joy at this point and wanted me to move back in straight away. I told her, hold up I need a few days to think about this. The next day she calls me and tells me that she was “hormonal” because of her period, and she didn’t know what she was saying to me. Oh I left out the part where she only called me because the other guy she’d been fucking had been threatening her and trying to get all her passwords because apparently he’s a possessive psycho. Anyway, I did not move back in, and over time I found out more and more disturbing shit. Then, I opened her email and accessed her computer remotely (which was really MY secondary computer – remember, IT consultant). I saw proof of the extent of her debauchery. As for the dog-fucking and kiddy-porn… I didn’t actually SEE that, but she herself told me about it.

    I believe what happened was, she wasn’t feeling that she was getting attention from me (and rightly so, she’s a fat mess). So she started using Tinder and found perverts & chem-sexers who will bang literally anyone, and she set up a date. Then it all went down-hill from there, quite quickly.

  • Interesting. Do men really like muscular women. I am kind of grossed by a site of a woman who has too many muscles, six pack, etc… And if a woman’s lower part of the body – i.e. butt and legs looks like they could be easily on a man it’s almost disturbing.

  • Wow, that’s a terrible story. We do have to remember that when it comes to relationships there is no way to insurance that spending a long time with someone wil be a worthy investment. But… no doubt that what happened was extremely hurtful. I am not sure how long you put up with all these things before it was over, but I hope it wasn’t too long.

  • Dan Sword

    Oh, and I did bring up her weight gain. Multiple times (despite the inherent unpleasantness involved). I also made sure there was never junk food in the house. The problem was, she spent her days at work sitting on her ass and shoveling candy down her gullet.

  • Dan Sword

    “I’m talking about a lot of women.”

    Some might even say, “all of them”.

  • Dan Sword

    I don’t hope she gets AIDS because she ended up a fat bitch. I hope she gets AIDS because she gobbled up 16 years of my life, like it was another gordita, and completely betrayed me in the end. And that’s not even counting the money and other costs. And when I say “betray”, I mean in ways that you probably couldn’t even begin to guess. Really, if I told you the shit that she did, you wouldn’t even believe me. I’m talking meeting guys on the internet, going to a hotel room, purposely ingesting GHB (date rape drug) and meth, then having high risk sex, then (implied) fucking the guys DOG.

    Mind you, she seemed to be the STABLE one, compared to all of her friends and all of my male friend’s girlfriends & wives. She used to talk a never-ending stream of shit on these other women, for being all sorts of filthy.

  • Crash Burn

    Porn Hub ect are as near perfect indicators of what Men and Women want visually as sexual partners we can hope to get. In fact the porn sites were the first to admit men actually find more muscle on women attractive because it is! So each year we expect women to work out more, it’s to the point that we expect them to have 10 pounds more muscle, that’s 10 pounds more muscle…. women on the other hand expect men to have 40+ pounds more muscle lol. It’s funny because the vast majority of guys can only genetically put on around 20-30 pounds more muscle without steroids. Who has the unrealistic expectations?

  • Porn sites are actually a good indicator of what most men like. Although they are different categories of women on those sites, including mature, chubby, etc… the majority of models are not fan but also not as skinny as the European models. It seems well established that what most men want are mildly curvy bodies with a flattering hip to waste ratio.

  • Thanks for sharing your story. I don’t think such mean wishes as getting AIDS are in place to a woman who clearly was insecure and unbalanced in more than one way, but a few lessons can be learned: (a) how we feel about someone’s body as men isn’t really up to us. If you are not attracted to a woman or are grossed out by her body, there is nothing you can do to change that; (b) contrary to what infomercials make us believe, it’s very easy to gain weight but very, very hard to lose it. Therefore, once you see that your partner is gaining way, it’s critical to alert them and pressure them into changing their eating habits, exercise routine to lose or at least stop gaining weight. That is, of course, if you care about her enough to put that effort in.

  • I like this advice. Both sexes should certainly adopt this and not only when it comes to dating. If you expect a great partner or a great position at work or anything else great, check first if you deserve it and if you have enough to offer in return.

  • Crash Burn

    There is a simple solution to all of this, show respect for yourself and others.

    So women if you want men to respect you back, show them respect by not just sleeping with only the 10% of guys who hang out as pick up artists at the club ect.

    Women if you expect a man to be 6 feet and in shape you had better be tall an in shape. If you expect a man to make tons of money and have a great career, you go out an make a ton of money and have a great career. Anything you expect of a partner you expect of yourself. So that big long list you use to qualify us take it out in front of the bathroom mirror and ask yourself if you measure up.

    Women will not go for this because they know they have almost 100% control over the dating world till they hit 35 LOL! Then reality hits and their irresponsible eating habits, and sexual habits destroy them. No pity.

  • Crash Burn

    I saw in shape men everywhere growing up, pictures of the old days show in shape men… and women.

    In fact I’m shocked they say there are more fat men than women because I see in shape guys everywhere at university, work on the busy. Almost never do I run into a women that works out aside from fitness classes.

  • Crash Burn

    No one is shallow for wanting a partner who is in shape and moving forward in their life man or women. People are only shallow when they pretend to be genuine and just say and do to get whatever they want. Case in point every out of shape women I’ve ever been friends with has tried to sleep with me and the last friend I had was a gay guy who tried as well…. All made the same idiot comments like people who were attracted to in shape women were shallow… yet they all tried to sleep with me. I am 6 feet with a six pack and like to work out. I’ve meet a few more single women as friends and immediately try to qualify me or try for more. it’s getting annoying no one is real anymore.

    Oh on a side note my old buddy who was 250 pounds only dates thin men and complains constantly there are no men while leaning in to brush her breast on me when we hang out. Needless to say no longer friends. It goes on and on. The vast majority of women are NUTS!

  • Crash Burn

    go to porn hub or any site and please show me where the fat women are in the top 100? If there are any how many? thats about as many men want a fat women period. I hate the white knight men who post I love fat women and so do other men lol. Your argument is so easy to beat even women laugh at it.

  • Crash Burn

    We’ll said, there is some hope. I’ve been talking to a girl or two in the next generation and what the 30 year old women are doing is being talked about by everyone. They don’t have much pitty going their way when they hit the wall at 35 and discover that the 200 emails they got a day telling them how great they were dry up and no 6 foot jacked guy is waiting to marry them. Also they discover that the “few” extra pounds they had since their 20’s won’t come off and that they’ve put on another 30 pounds. their sexual market value has gone to zero and they aren’t used to having to deal with reality of not getting what they want or any responsibility. Such as eating like an adult or treating men/ and their fellow women with respect. I have no pity for them.

  • Crash Burn

    I’ve seen this too, great guys at home.. paying for everything and loving their girl friends. They hitting up and humping everything on the dance floor, while emasculating their men at home.

    I went out to the bar with 16 female coworkers and they laughed about guys who were under 6 feet, small dicks and not Alphas. Some where married, just 3 weeks ago I watched as one after the other posted divorces on facebook… who are they with now the alpha mexican bartender with the douce bag flex Facebook profile pick in front of the dumb bells at the gym. I just watched one of the other ones a buddist post she’s moving on from her BF/Husband of 10 years…..It’s hard not to see everything people are saying as being true when I’ve watched almost every women I’ve meet in the last 10 years treat their BF’s and Husbands like garbage. I’m not talking 1 or 2, I’m talking about a lot of women.

  • Dan Sword

    Juice is no longer worth the squeeze. It’s that simple. Men are gonna do what they want to do. Not a whole lot of men are simply out to fuck themselves over.

  • Dan Sword

    Yeah no. You are completely incorrect and women are the whores with no self control or concept of integrity. Myself and literally every single one of my male friends has experienced this. Not a single one of us ever cheated on our women. In every case, the woman destroyed a long-term relationship because she’s a born whore with no understanding of loyalty or personal honor. Every single case. I don’t even know any men that cheat on their wives. Oh and all of the men were totally loyal to their wives and only their wives (and they were content with that arrangement). A man wants to build a stable family structure and he wants a mate he can rely on. Women though… put them in a room with another man and it’s literally only a matter of time until she fucks him; so long as his sexual market value approaches or exceeds your own. Commitments mean absolutely nothing to women and that is why divorce statistics magically coincide with feminism. The stigma of being a slut is almost nonexistent now. Personally, I will still slut-shame a slut.

  • Dan Sword

    That is why I lost the ability to become aroused by my ex. Eventually she got so fat I couldn’t stop thinking about how her calves touched her feet and how she had no wrists. Even like mid-fuck, these thoughts would pop into my head. I tried and tried but it wasn’t possible. I’d just go limp. She was pretty attractive when I met her and eventually she got so fat her gut protruded more than her already naturally gigantic tits. That’s another thing I couldn’t unsee. As soon as I mentally registered the boobydoo, it was completely over. And I was already the better looking one to begin with. I stayed with her anyway though, because we had made commitments and I was loyal. Put a massive amount of time & energy into her. And she fucked me over in the end. Another thing was her food aggressiveness. Like any time we were preparing food, she would obsessively have to have exactly as much food as me or more. Bear in mind, I am a 6’2″ man and she’s a 4’10” woman. There was this one time I made brie and butter sandwiches right… and she saw that mine had like a miniscule amount more cheese than hers did. She flipped the fuck out. I just offered her mine because I didn’t even care, but she was even more angry at me because I did that. It’s like, even indirectly pointing out what a food-obsessed piglet she was somehow made me the bad guy. Fuck her. I’m glad she’s gone. Hope she gets AIDS.

  • Selena Comer

    Hi, my girlfriend broke up with me 3 weeks ago, we had been in a 5 years relationship. We did fight almost 1-2 times for month lately and most of the times started by me because i felt that i was giving too much and she didnt make the effort soe that frustrated me and made me been irritable many times. So we got in a fight and she told me that she loved me but wasnt happy and the felt that the relationship should end; i cried and ask her to give us the chance to try make things Work but she refused. So since that day, 3 weeks ago she hasnt called or text me; I talked with my friend and he told me to ask Akim for help.. Akim is a marriage and relationship spititual speciallist.. Akim helped me and my girlfriend called me in less than 40 hours.. i’m so happy right now. i promised akim that i’ll talk about him on the internet and here is hes mobile +19542993106 🙂

  • david smith


  • david smith


  • steve connor

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  • JustAnotherHAPPYsingleGuy

    Men never loose interest in sex its just the older we get the less excited we are over it, and the girls have to younger and hotter to get us excited.
    It comes to a point that achieving an orgasm is better with porn,fantasy and masturbation. Sex is hard work and its not worth the work to get to ejaculation unless the girl were doing is very sexually stimulating.
    Eventually men stop letting his hormones throw caution to the wind over pregnancy, marriage, STDs, early mornings getting the kids to school, worrying how he would ever afford the extremely high price of college his kid(s) may want to go to. Basically all the fears men have if he has a kid or gets married.
    If a man is lucky enough to check off his list of the sexual adventures/fetishes he has on it and didn’t let his hormones and brain effect his better judgment men often choose not to engage with women sexually any more.
    Since the beginning of the women’s movement women are getting harder and harder to deal with and the rewards or having a girlfriend/wife are now so few men younger and younger that are perfectly healthy mind and body are opting out of dealing with females all together.
    If your single no kids and had a decent amount of sex with a decent amount of women GET OUT WHILE YOU STILL CAN!!!

  • Carol F

    Yes, I’m sure you’re right. Mostly, I was being flippant because I really couldn’t see how anyone would be responding seriously to the ludicrous article. I think there are plenty of nice men around who aren’t slutty and women too. Me and my man don’t run around so I know there are monogomous relationships. I think a lot of guys want to be with a lot of women because of biology… and I don’t judge that… I think they should be more honest and that was my point… the ones who are driven to get in a lot of women’s drawers don’t feel like they can accomplish that by being honest.

  • Insidious Sid

    Cancer. Feminism is cancer. Back to porn…

  • Adrianna Badger

    please acknowledge the true meaning of what feminism actually is before coming to a conclusion.

  • So true. Getting defense and referring to men (or women) as shallow is pointless for at least two reasons: first, we are all shallow in a way. It’s not a bad thing or a good thing. It’s just is. It’s our nature. Secondly, calling others shallow doesn’t solve anyone’s challenges that they are dealing with in their dating lives. Attacking the other side never does.

  • Lesley

    Shirley’s comment made several points, it ended with a comment about some shallow men. Deepblue9 didn’t engage in a thoughtful discussion of anything she brought up, only tried to turn the table and have her argue the point of his choosing, that there are shallow women out there. Shallow women were not part of the discussion and this tactic is not good form. It takes the conversation away from the topic and never reaches conclusion, while putting the orignal party on the defensive of an arbitrary accusation that only appears to fit because they both used the same word “shallow”.

  • I don’t see a problem with this type of question, or perhaps I don’t understand what you mean?

  • Lesley

    “But what about _______?” Is poor form in any debate, and doesn’t invalidate the truth of her statement.

  • whoknows

    Hallafuckinglewwwwya! He and the men he is talking to are very shallow. I lose interest in shallow self absorbed men fast!

  • whoknows

    Strong independent women and high maintenance??? Someone is a contradicting loser!

  • Ashley

    Your comment history is astounding. You’re definitely a sexist who doesn’t get laid enough. Sorry your internalized anger towards women is affecting your daily life, you really are miserable. Also, sorry, boo– Feminism isn’t over and you’d probably know and understand it if you even knew what it was. But alas, like most people, you have it mixed up and continue to plea ignorance. Thank god you old fucks won’t be around in 40 years and even then you’ll be a vegetable or incoherent… Thank god.

  • Alex Crocker

    Proofread the article guys. Jesus Christ.

  • Amanda

    Amen! 🙂

  • Amanda

    It has nothing to do with generation. I’m a Y Gen and lots of Y Gens i know are not uptight stupid feminists and only a feminist would say dumb s t like you’ve said. Stop with the ‘misoginist’, ‘X Gen’ ‘Y Gen’ bulls t.

  • Amanda

    Ps. Not all fiesty women are a turn off 🙂 I can be feisty in a feminine way and men think it’s hot. But not in a hostile feminist manner. I hate feminism and feminists! 🙂

  • Amanda

    Not all men are sluts and shallow as you describe. Just as not all women are.

  • chris01

    That article is very shallow and full of BS. “Ruining romantic tension” b/c you’re not an omg amazing sex partner what a nonsense nvm judging first time sex as hot or not. If that’s all it takes for you to lose interest it’s your problem you’re no catch or relationship material anyway. Such mentality got nothing to do with romantic feelings or love. What normal person even has a checklist like that nit picking on their dates level of entertainment not too much or too little as well as (pornographic) sex acts and how well they do it. The more I read this subjective biased garbage the more hate I felt towards whoever wrote it. Needlees to say these are completely useless advices unless you need a dbag manual but how about normal decent guys next time?

  • Brian Kerr

    MGTOW ladies look it up.. then go get a cat..thats all you will get.

  • Carol F

    Really? I don’t think I am a feminist… just being realistic. When I say men are sluts it isn’t an indictment against men.. just an observation. Women are sluts too, not that there’s anything wrong with that. I think its unnatural for most men to be monogamous and that they are biologically disposed to spread their seeds. Its just what I observe about life… nothing but opinion and conjecture. Mostly, I’m just talking out my ass.

  • Carol F

    I’m not feeling hostile, but maybe my flippant way of replying sounds that way. I have a man, so I don’t have to worry about finding someone to deal with me on a regular basis….heh heh heh. I think maybe you don’t know when someone is not taking something too seriously and you are taking it way too seriously. …just my opinion…don’t get your panties in a wad.

  • Finder

    Found the feminist!

  • To follow up on this – I too am amazed how defensive and intolerant people are of views that differ from theirs. If one disciplines himself / herself not to respond to something they disagree with, with an insult, that alone will make them stand out from the rest in this society.

  • John

    Take care of your body, be a productive member in society, don’t take life too seriously, and be reliable. I’m constantly amazed at how hard it is to find girls that fit those broad standards.

  • John

    You might be slender, but you sound extremely hostile and no one wants to deal with that on a regular basis regardless of how attractive you might be.

  • Carol F

    Very funny. I am slender, but that is a typical moronic attitude.

  • jani m

    Maybe if u didn’t eat so much

  • Henrietta Hank Marion

    I used to be in the shackles of being cheated on until i met ( B I R D E YE . H A C K @ GM A I L. C O M) ..He saved me from the lies of my cheating wife by hacking her phone..In case you need help with hacking any phone or account or other jobs
    He will help you
    He is the best..

  • Mr. Unsmiley

    What studies are these? They sound like arbitrary numbers that you came up with yourself.

  • Cameron V.

    Whoa was the first thing that came to my mind. I can’t believe how mean
    this article is. I love thick women. I love women that talk all the
    time. I really do. I love feisty women too. (As long as feisty doesn’t
    mean sleeping around lol.) Some of the advice I do like. Like not being
    an over zealous feminist, or being overly competitive. I think the guy
    could talk about what he wants from sex with you. I personally wouldn’t
    break up with a girl over bad sex, unless she was trying to get pregnant
    or didn’t warn me about an STD. I think if a lady was that confused by
    why the guy wasn’t contacting her anymore, she could reach out to the
    guy and ask him. Usually when I don’t contact a girl back it’s because
    I’m to shy and nervous too! I’ll also not approach a women because I’m
    to shy or nervous too.

  • mxyzptlx

    says the fat, uptight, “feisty” feminist who can’t get a date. At least not with a man.

  • marc

    #1 reason: Women are too fat.
    #2 reason: Women are too fat.
    #3 reason: Women are too fat.

    If a guy says that they like big women they are most likely lying. Studies have shown that about 50% of men will say they would date a fat woman over a skinny one but when the study had a different set of men actually go on a date 95% of them picked the skinny/average weight woman.

    Woman do the same. It’s extremely rare to find a woman dating a man one inch shorter than them. Also most women don’t like fat men.

  • Carol F

    What crap. Men lose interest in women because men are sluts. They are biologically wired to want to stick it in a lot of holes. They lie because women don’t want to be with them if they are honest. They marry because they want to procreate and/or they think they are in love and want to take possession of a female, then they still lose interest eventually and want to stick it in other holes. This is more true than all the stuff in the article.

  • Bob Connors

    maybe the writer of this article is stressing his GF’s out so much all they want to do is eat, talk over him and drown out his repetitive nonsense!

  • mark hays

    He left out ‘unaccountable’ and always dodging accountability, like you’re doing right now. That’s how U.S. women became fat (more women are fat now than men in the U.S.) butch like a man, lazy, flaky, boring and extremely bossy trying to bark orders at men.

    411: Relationships are a 2 way street, something women forgot a long time ago and stopped even trying to do anything to make themselves attractive to men. That’s why most men are not marrying now in the U.S. U,S, women are now just trash.

  • Mark

    Bitter feminist and closet lesbian, what else is new?

    Men don’t have to endure anything. We can get off to the vast amounts of porn out there, or simply buy a hooker. Sexbots are starting to come into their own as well. The artificial womb is already on it’s way. Soon you will be useless, as the only thing your kind was good for was giving birth. Now it can be done with science. Talk about obsolete.

    “Men need the adoration of women” Ahaha, yeah, as a mgtow, I abhor your existence, you entitled, self-absorbed, vacuous cunt.

  • Mark

    You’re a piece of fucking filth. Rape would be too lenient for scum such as you.

  • deepblue9

    “It’s not a joke because women have lived through oppression. ” Oh, it’s that old chestnut again. Give it up love, your flimsy arguments don’t work anymore!

  • deepblue9

    “Women also dont cheat useless were missing something psychological” That’s not a valid reason for cheating. In fact there is no valid reason.

  • deepblue9

    “male oriented society” Barrrffff

  • deepblue9

    If they’re so independent they don’t need us anyway, so presumably their quite happy going their own way. Leave them to it!

  • deepblue9

    “Men these days are incredibly fickle” I think you’re confusing men with women. Women are incredibly narcissistic

  • deepblue9

    What about the millions of shallow women?

  • Mickey

    Well, when one considers that the last couple of generations have been indoctrinated into the mindset that men are worthless at best, and rapists at worst, there isn’t much for me to lose is there?

  • AdaLovelace

    Now that’s an idea…

  • AdaLovelace

    Please, turn gay, and leave the women alone!

  • AdaLovelace

    Once again, it’s not “extreme feminism”. It’s a rational, feminist reaction to systematic persecution of women from the Muslim world to the Christian one. Women need to be very independent and strong because we have been oppressed in the past and continue to be oppressed today. Take for example the recent lenient sentences given to young white men who have sexually assaulted women on college campuses. That these young men would receive such light prison sentences (and in one case no prison time at all) speaks volumes about how much our society values men and devalues women.

  • AdaLovelace

    This is terrible advice. Ladies, go to another website. There is nothing wrong with being a feminist or competitive. Only insecure men are afraid of these things. You want to date a man secure in himself. Unfortunately, many men are insecure. You’ll have to separate the wheat from the chaff. But don’t compromise your standards!

  • Hopefully, this will make us, men, appreciate the other kind of women all the more.

  • Evan

    I’d say its 95% on feminism.

    Men are getting progressively tired of a woman who treats men as pieces of shit. And they can just masturbate to porn and that’s it.

    So I guess that it sucks to be a woman, but (at least feminists) women shot themselves in the foot.

  • Shirley

    The reason a man may lose interest should purely be based on that particular man. These above examples only apply to few men. Some men love overweight women. Some men love a woman that talks a lot. The guy I am seeing now just sits and watches me in awe when I get going on a particular subject. And they are actually some men who will wait to have sex with you until you both are either married or have grown in love with each other. This article is a perfect example of what we as women need to be aware of to be able distinguish between nature men and shallow little boys. 😎

  • joe

    That defensive bargain thou! Who should be more lazy in not working on themselfs – men or women? The answer is – women, because unlike farting bearded stupid agressive men, they’v been told by them how to look and behave all this time, so now its women time to be fat boring screaming annoying bitches. Haha. way to go

  • T. M. Shannon

    1) women are overweight and should slim down: What’s overweight to you? Above dress size 6, 8,10, 12, 14, 16 or 18? And define attractive, numbers in her bra size and her Chanel or the content of her heart?

    2) women talk too much:
    That depends on what talk is. At some point there’ll be a long and winding story and you probably have one too, bet you’d expect her to listen,right? Nod, hear, and don’t suggest a solution.

    3) some are too uptight:
    Maybe you’re dating in the wrong circles, bring your standards down. (And by the way that joke makes you a shallow douchebag. No, there is no humour, only tool).

    4) women are boring: And that’s why we read dating profiles and try to find common ground before dating (also maybe the conversation you’re leading is about boring fat uptight women you’ve dated and she’s just stunned and eventually blurts out that you’re a misogynistic pig, nit that it makes her…)

    5) women are ultra feminist:
    Which you point out the dearth of femininity of so called ultra feminists and accuse more and more women becoming fresh victims for the ever growing army of the undead (and what the hell is wrong with a woman who doesn’t look feminine, maybe because you don’t want to get beaten by a girl in a wrestling match?)

    6) women are wounded by their last relationship and over compensate with domineering to ensure their control in the situation:
    Man, have a heart, and offer to hear about it, let her express her vulnerability once more. Be empathic and understanding, because I guarantee these wome wouldn’t wish what they went through on anyone (and they aren’t doing it on purpose either).

    7) women are lousy at sex:
    Quiet I’ve encountered, and yes its weird, but not knowing what to do, have you made a suggestion or led by example? Have you asked for some volume (or opened your ears), put her hands where/how you like it? Also have yu ever simultaneously kissed her while finding both the clitoris and the g-spot (as part of a good dose of foreplay)? Nothing venture, nothing win.

    8) women are feisty
    Wow! And its over compensation, is it? Sounds like spirited and could be an energetic time if you ask me. In the right doses, that never say due attitude is pure confidence – but guess you have none side you’re such a slave to pretty, meek girls.

    Hint: the original romcom Pride and Prejudice is the story of a feisty, headstrong woman who breaks an absolute toff in hat on a horse into changing to become a less proud, much better man. Time for a read (or a watch) methinks…

    Sincerely, a real man.

  • I well understand the reasons behind this extreme feminism (whether it has reasons or not doesn’t change the fact than it is). The big question is whether taking this extreme approach is the most effective way to remedy injustices, and if so – at what cost. I guess time will will show.

  • Mickey

    Men: shoot ’em up, castrate ’em all! I’ll turn gay now.

  • AdaLovelace

    So long as prejudice against women is pervasive in our society, feminism can never be “extreme”. You can argue that the Black Panthers were extreme, but they were an understandable reaction to extreme aggression towards African Americans (eg, lynchings, Jim Crow, slavery). Likewise, so long as there is misogyny, rape, violence against women, social and professional oppression of women (eg, death threats against female gamers, refusal to promote competent female software engineers, sexism), denial of basic rights of women (eg, 9 year old girls forced into “marriages” with 50 year old men in the developing world) there will never be “extreme” feminism. The extremism you see is an understandable reaction to the systematic exploitation of women and girls’ and undermining their right to freedom, equality and just being treated like a human being. Until men can one day objectively see the pernicious ramifications of theirs prejudice and explotative behavior towards women, feminism can never be “extreme”.

  • There is plenty of space between the two extremes. Making a joke in an attempt to be funny doesn’t make one a misogynist. And being an ultra feminist – i.e. trying to foster traditionally male traits and qualities is a nightmare for many men, and that number is growing. The article is meant for those who see how distorted today’s world and gender dynamics can be. The article is meant for those who realize that we pay the price for how badly women were treated in the past, but what’s going on today is unhealthy as well. Excessive policy correctness kills a lot of joy in so many ways. The advice is meant for women who secure enough to consider the possibility that maybe previous generations weren’t wrong on every single level and there is something we could learn from them and use to our advantage today. The article is meant for those women who realize that there is more to life than getting a promotion or a corner office. at any cost. The most insecure woman is the one who makes it her life objective to prove that she can be anything a man can be, while paying to high a personal price for that. I support fully equal opportunities and every woman should be free to choose what she wants. It is still sad to see when certain choices are made.

  • AdaLovelace

    If you think that joking about a woman’s ability to drive and her not finding it funny is the equivalent of being too “uptight”, then it’s apparent that you have little respect for women. And if you cite being a feminist as reason why men don’t want to date a woman, then you sound like a misogynist. I guess some of the baby boomer and X generation women might buy this bull, but the 20-something millenials both men and women are not entrenched in the kind of sexist thinking of your generation. But I guess your article is not directed towards them. Still, it’s time to join the 21st century and leave that sexist attitude back in the Victorian era where it belongs.

    Your advice is bad and only a woman with zero self-esteem would buy any of this BS.

  • Thanks for your kind words and solid logical conclusions. That’s exactly what the articles say – women should be doormats with no self esteem. I am sure that if you count the number of times the term “doormat” has been used in the article, it will prove your point.

  • AdaLovelace

    Wow, you’re an asshole. What kind of woman would date you? Not any ones with an ounce of self-esteem. Ladies, don’t listen to this “advice”. This loser wants you to turn into a doormat with no self-esteem.

  • Hello, Kim. Thanks or your thoughts and that’s exactly what I say. It’s no one’s fault what turns us on and what turns us off so there is no reason to be offended by this article. It’s just food for thought and consideration.

  • Kim

    Thank you for the informative article. Honesty is hard to “hear”. I honestly am not offended by your article at all…what is a turn on or turn off cannot be helped. What turns me off is when a man writes an article and doesnt know the difference between “here” and “hear”.

  • Thanks, that’s kind of you : )

    Sensitivity needs balance. On one hand, being sensitive towards others means we can be considerate and less flippant towards people. On the other hand, over-sensitivity causes us to lash out and spoil the fun or be wet blankets.

    Having said that, I’ve still had the pleasure of interacting with easygoing and warm-hearted Americans – both male and female. So it’s not all that bad nor hopeless : )

  • Lenny25

    People not raised in the west have a different outlook on dating and relationships. They are more mature, less shallow and have common sense. and most most importantly……..they aren’t so sensitive. keep up the good work AquariusMoon.

  • You’re right; I’m not. Born and raised in Asia, studied and lived in Australia and also resided in the US for some time : )

  • Lenny25

    Hey Emily like Tyler said, this is for the guys who are worthy having. there are average chumps for all y’all out there. there are always cheap quality products for the less privileged you know. not all is lost baby. not all.

  • Lenny25

    This is the kind of attitude everybody should have. men and women. You are probably not a westerner.

  • Urooj Shirwani

    well i enjoyed reading comments from below.. what i believe is there is no rule in love and relationship a smart and successful man can totally fall in love with the fattest woman and wise versa… its difficult to explain with logic what creates attractive between a variety of people. In short i believe men tend to stick with women they feel strong and more masculine with irrespective of their looks & mannerism. Like wise the most rigid, stubborn and tough woman can feel like a true women (vulnerable & soft) with some types of men while feel totally numb with others. Girls keep on trying and you will get your Mr. perfect one day 😀

  • Thanks!! Looking to make it more complete and comprehensive, so feel free to post additional things that you believe make men lose interest.

  • NoWorriesBackupDotCom

    Solid article!

  • Danielle

    this is disgusting, probably written by a loser male

  • annie

    I am laughing so hard write now. I can’t believe that this man took the time to write this, then again I took the time to read it. I have to say that yes, for some men it is true. I will not argue with the fact that you need to be attracted however so many women I know that are married and truly loved by wonderful men and those women do have some of these flaws!!! I am 42, yes, I have been told that I am attractive and I am well off with my money. I am single but not because I can’t find someone but because I am selective. My selection is about a man who is kind and truly respectful of women, this article is written by a man who has not those 2 criteria for sure. Lol

  • Being strong is great, but there are different ways to show strength. There is a subtle, quite confidence and there in-yo-face, I am god’s gift type of attitude.

  • kaira

    Lol these factors make women strong well I’ll like that in a women..I don’t want a toy dude who I can order .I want a women who knows her self worth

  • Connell Glick

    Definitely not the best choice of words for #1 True. But it’s totally true. There’s nothing wrong with finding someone unattractive, especially if they don’t seem to take care of themselves or simply don’t care about taking care of themselves. People should know it’s not so much we find that person (dare I say it) ugly, but rather, “Why would I spend a significant amount of time/the rest of my life, with someone who i view does not care about their health in a way I find attractive?”

    And while that person may be offended by your personal preference, there’s nothing wrong with it. You can’t just be attracted to someone just so you don’t hurt their feelings.

  • Heema

    -lesbian recruiting. If you really care then write an article about it. This isn’t some type of debate or argument. It’s an article on possible reasons why men lose interest in women whether or not you like it or think it’s attainable.

  • You’ll be surprised how many women DO agree with you. However, if we dare to voice it out, we’re labelled NAWALT or shamed by feminists.

    I disagree that men expect perfection and with the unrealistic patriachal standards rubbish. Nobody is insisting on perfection. They’re asking for effort and why not?

    Taking care of ourselves encompasses taking care of our appearance. It’s not a crime making the most of what we have. Looking the best we can brings confidence when we interact with people everyday. When we’re confident, we instinctively treat people with respect and courtesy. We instinctively become more easygoing, accommodating and pleasant. Why wouldn’t anyone naturally be attracted to that?

  • TC

    I totally agree about George Clooney. I posted a longer post but it’s still waiting to be approved.

  • Angela

    Yes everything fades in time… And it fades for men too, not just women. I think George Clooney is hideous, for example, and have thought so for the last ten years. I don’t think he has aged gracefully at all. The media seems to disagree with me though. The amount of men in their forties and even fifties I see trying to hit on women in their early twenties and sometimes thirties and getting knocked back because they don’t realise that in fact they have a use-by date also amuses and gratifies me. They seem to live in a fantasy world where they think they are entitled to whatever they want whenever they want it… It just doesn’t work that way. And yes most men are terrible in bed thinking mainly of themselves all the time. And it only gets worse with age.

  • TC

    I wasn’t even going to bother commenting on this article. I have been married for over 30 years. If you ask me a lot of men don’t know what the hell they want…most of the time it’s the woman who initiates the divorce. Men like to complain about their wives….but they want to be taken care of by them….

    I seldom, if ever ask my husband for anything …I have a serious back injury and my self esteem is now in the toilet because of it. Surprisingly I am not really overweight, there are women my age who weigh much more than I do. I have a lot of difficulty with exercising enough. Before my back injury I weighed around 122 to 129 lbs @5 ft 4 “. Now I just hit 140 and I feel too heavy. I think the average 50 y.o. weighs over 150 though. So I just am eating less food trying to drop 10 lbs. I never had a weight problem in my life. My husband recently weighed in at 190 lbs and he was told by his dr to lose weight, he has high blood pressure. He doesn’t have a serious back problem though so he can do a lot of walking. I can barely walk very far now, unfortunately ( I used to walk at least 10 miles a week just walking my dog, etc.) I am definitely not boring or ugly. We went to a party recently and people were talking to me plenty.

    The guy who wrote this article must be under 30. He’s going to be in for a rude awakening some day. Beauty fades and you develop health issues . Maybe he’s one of those guys who plans on trading in the old wife for a “younger model” like Newt Gingrich did with his first 2 wives…honestly I think some men think of their women like they do their cars or their cell phones. Something to trade up when they get sick of it…

    A lot of men think they are studs in bed. Little do they know that it’s all downhill after age 45-50 if they get ED they have to take a viagra pill to get an erection….those blood pressure pills cause ED sometimes.

    P.S. if you want a “professional” in bed maybe you should hire a call girl. My husband bought a sex book years ago, it was so absurd I threw it in the garbage. Also those porn movies are fake.

    My husband doesn’t know what he wants, he hasn’t grown up yet aND he’s in his 50’s. He later said after the party we recently went to that I was the best looking woman of my age group there.

  • TC

    It’s “they’re,” not “their.” They think they are all that….”they’re all that.”

  • Angela

    Ironically that would bore him and he would end up stringing her along for years, never having the guts to break up with her, cheating on her and mistreating her. He doesn’t have the life experience yet to know how love works. Probably very young. Shouldn’t even be giving this kind of advice out.

  • TC

    Seriously, this guy wants a “Stepford wife” or a Japanese geisha maybe.

  • Thanks a lot for your thoughts, Steven. The article was written be me (male), reflecting on my personal experience and also somewhat summarizing a large number of interviews that I conducted with guys of different ages and personal situations. As you pointed out, this article has offended quite a few women (see comments), but the truth isn’t always fun to here. Even if it provides food for thought to a small percentage of women out there and would make them think about what they can do to become more attractive (or less unattractive), the goal of the article would be accomplished.

  • Rebecca, thank you!! I love your comment!!

    It is nice to see a woman feel this way about men and their own gender!!

    I love this article too!! I don’t know if it was written by a man or a woman, but the article is 100%, no, 10000% true.

    The modern American woman is incredibly self absorbed. I would be classified as a “loser” in women speak, because I am interested in video games, hunting, guns, fishing, action figures, etc. I also do not worship the vagina, the main tool women use to control men. Now, I agree that not all women are like that, but, 75-80% of them are. If I found a woman that did not nag me all the time, cared about her appearance, did not care about what others thought about her, accepted me for who I am and did not try to change me and embraced, rather than fought against her femininity, I would have found a rare woman indeed!!

    I know for many people, this article and my (and others) commentary on this subject would offend them. That is too bad. We, unfortunately, live in a very self centered society and self conscious society. People care too much what others think of them!!

  • That’s a terrible advice that I hope no woman takes seriously. None of the tips in the article are unrealistic and no one expects a woman to be a perfection, but we all (men and women) have space for improvement and personal growth, and that’s what this article is about. Refusing to work on yourself and change, and being lazy while hiding behind “I won’t change for anyone” excuse, and blaming men will be as pointless as supposedly not caring what men think.

  • Angela

    I honestly think that if this list were true, women should really just give up and become lesbians and get pregnant via in-vitro fertilisation because it would be too difficult for them to uphold all of these standards.

    A lot of men are overweight, terrible at pleasing their partners sexually, whine about bad past relationships, talk too much about things people find boring – their job, their boring interests – cars, video games, etc – so where’s the article that’s written about that? There isn’t one. Why?

    Actually it’s because men these days are incredibly fickle.

    When they do get a woman such as this – one who is interested in his interests, spends all her spare time in the gym staying thin, doesn’t talk too much, doesn’t talk about her dating past, puts up with sexist jokes, etc, guess what? Men lose interest in her.

    She is trying too hard to please him. He finds that repulsive.

    Women – seriously – please, if you have an ounce of self-respect, take my advice – STOP CARING WHAT MEN THINK. Do what YOU want to do – if you want to talk too much, DO IT. If you want to be overweight, DO IT. If you want to text him to see what he’s doing, DO IT. If you want to talk about past relationships, DO IT.

    When we start living for OURSELVES, and stop trying to please them, guess what? Men will be forced to endure it. They won’t have a choice. Men need ongoing sex. Men need the adoration of women to feel whole. It’s us who don’t need them. Honestly.


  • RealityCheck

    You got that right.

  • TheKnownTruth

    Strong independent women are a complete turn off for many of us men since they think their all that which their NOT, especially the very high maintenance ones.

  • Thank you for your very wise words, Rebekah. Indeed, no matter what area of life we talk about – results and success don’t come without patience and hard work. Imagine an aspiring athlete say that he is not going to change his diet or exercise routine for anyone… how far would he get with hat mindset.
    One major reasons guys don’t have b-lls anymore when dealing with women is because flirting, and perceiving women as romantic/sexual beings has been virtually criminalized. Guys are afraid to make a move or say the wrong word because everyone gets offended so easily.

    I really do hope that the article will be a wake-up to at least some people to take a hard look at their approaching to love, dating and gender dynamic. If ten reader get offended and defensive and one takes this advice to heart, that will already be good news.

  • Rebekah

    Hey, thanks for being honest! Nice to see a man not worried about offending a woman, and putting it all out there like that, for once. So many men today seem to have lost their ability to masculine, lol. Letting women take charge, because sex and laziness… Blaming others for their problems, instead of taking responsibility for their own life… Letting their masculinity come out in abusive, angry ways. And women, damn. Sensitive, much? What’s with the, I’m not changing for no one? Ok, then change for yourself.
    I’ve noticed a rising trend of insecure humans (mostly women) trying to gain self confidence through ‘saying’ they’re confident, instead of working at it. When, if you just worked on yourself and made progress towards creating a better you (physically, mentally, spiritually), confidence would come naturally to you… and you wouldn’t have to proclaim it to everyone around. Dear god, if you have to tell someone you’re confident, you aren’t.
    Bunch of lazy people trying to find love without hard work… because we’re perfect just the way we are. Lol.
    Anyway, goodness, look at me talking too much… how woman of me, hehe. 😛
    Thanks again for this blunt, honest article. Maybe it will help some people wake up. It’s so true, women want to think that men should be attracted to personality overall, or they’re shallow. They forget that men aren’t like us… in many ways. And there’s something beautiful in that balance of different energies… to me, at least.

  • Despite these harsh, I believe there is some truth to that.
    I don’t think men only care that a woman looks good in bed, they also want her to have a good personality – it surely doesn’t hurt to be nice, warm, yet funny and smart at the same time.
    It’s true that a guy who can provide for himself and for his family, if necessary, doesn’t care about a woman’s professional accomplishments. As long as she is doing something she hopefully likes and doesn’t just sit around bored all day (boredom leads to all kinds problem), the rest is secondary. Being attractive and having a good personality is what counts.

  • waldopepper

    lol, i love the way all women tell you how different they are from all the others, but they never are. its what drives man away as a group. you have all convinced yourselves that men will find the same things attractive in women that women do in men. clearly you havent heard that opposites attract. your education, income and all the other horse shit that you have convinced yourself makes you attractive, we dont care about. men just want you to look good naked. if you dont full fill that first criteria and we are not shackled to you through marriage, then most guys are out of there. women are like buses, there is always another one coming along. but women will continue to argue for the next 20 years about what men should like, while we men just get on and date the attractive chics.

  • Thanks for taking the time to write such a detailed response.
    Of course everything I wrote is subjective. I would never claim to speak on behalf of the entire male kind. But the article is based on many personal experiences and way more candid conversations with men whose opinion I count as valuable and useful.
    The reason that some women agree with this article is because they are ready to take a look in the mirror and ask questions while facing reality, whether good or bad. Those are the women who don’t hide behind unwarranted assumptions from what they read and defensiveness, because they know that the latter is totally useless.

  • Grilled Cheese With No Ham

    Wow it is no wonder why so many young women have become completely confused and lost about their identity, as well as where they fit in with a predominantly male oriented society. The tone in this entire article is from a obviously biased and sexually repressed male individual who is completely clueless about any type of romantic relationships.

    Firstly, you should not just tie in that all men think this way. Even though you don’t obviously state it, you pretty much might as well. You generalize it so nonchalantly that you should have just simply stated “all men think that, blah blah blah…” There are men of many different types of races, cultures, countries, lifestyles backgrounds, family groups, social classes, etc,.. I have in fact dated different types of men with many different types of personalities and opinions and NONE of these reasons are any that you have mentioned is why they lose interest in women. These are the reasons a controlling egotistical immature “boy” might lose interest in a woman but not by the slightest chance why an intelligent, confident, and considerate “man” would.

    The guys that do tend to lose interest in the women they are seeing, is 9/10 times when I have witnessed it, is usually because they have some other women that they are talking to in the background. Ergo, they simply get bored and lose interest. Whether it be “the ex”, or just the other three girls who closely resemble Jessica Alba, this is common. Then it’s on to the next one. Almost as if you were to get bored of the Iphone 6 and now you want a Samsung Galaxy 6 instead. And yes, the male friends that I have had will very casually state that they had a difficult time deciding between which woman to date or if they should get back with their ex instead because she conveniently called them up one night even all the while they were dating a new person. I am not saying that its right or wrong, since females fall into this as well, but that’s the society we live in today. People want everything to be exciting and interesting and if it’s not then it’s not worth my time. As I have mentioned earlier it is definitely a sign of immaturity.

    In most of your reasons for why guys lose interest in women, is exactly what I am stating, society has somehow brainwashed so many people into treating other individuals as being worth as much as their smartphones. If it’s not slim, has all the latest features, is interesting, can fit in my pocket with the utmost perfection, and can do whatever I want it do, then I don’t want it. People are not built this way. Females to be exact are definitely NOT built this way.

    Being overweight is very subjective. There are many people who are overweight in some sense of the term. You make it seem as if the only reason you’ll be able to attract more men is if you are thin and have this amazing Jillian Michaels body running around. So even if you have a not so attractive face, I guess as long as you are a size 00 then you’ll attract many. many men. Yeah most women already are very body conscious. If we don’t have the media spitting the bullshit out to us 24/7, then all you need is a man to tell you whether or not your body is thin enough so he won’t get too bored of you and lose interest.

    You talk too much. Being talkative and being dominantly controlling of a conversation are two different things. Being talkative is actually encouraged by most people especially in American society it seems. Unless you are talking about stupid nonsense that has absolutely nothing to do with anything going on or has any relevancy to life, overly talkative or rambling, and talking about shallow and superficial things, then yeah I could see that. Again, most guys that I have dated have even told me they LIKE it when the girl is talkative. In fact they like chattier girls vs a quieter or more shy type of girl. They seem more bothered by a naturally quieter or reserved girl then a talkative or outgoing one. Just as females like a guy who is naturally more talkative or outgoing. This typically wouldn’t even have to do with why a guy would possibly lose interest in a female, this is generally a more attractive feature for both sexes.On the other hand, trying to cut people off while they are talking and not listening to what the other person is saying is a problem with your personality. That is obviously a flaw there. Maybe great when used in debating, but not when you are trying to converse and connect with anyone, regardless of your relationship to that person.

    The third point you make is just ridiculously offensive. That is not why women are uptight. That pretty much is a reason as to why most women are so naturally inclined to feminism. That is a demeaning statement and to simply make a rude joke because you assumed she stood you up shows a lot about your personality as well. So instead of just brushing it off, like most people do, you make a sexist joke that women can’t drive. I’ve had my car break down before in many occasions but if someone said “yeah that’s what happens when you put a woman behind a wheel” I would punch them in their face. It’s simply insensitive, rude, derogatory and sexist, I don’t even blame her for getting angry. Any woman I know would have gotten angry at that statement. That wouldn’t be far off from making race jokes or “fat” jokes or making a joke about someone who lived in a trailer park. It’s offensive and shows you have to make fun of other people simply to entertain yourself. But I guess since we are talking about men who grow bored easily, particularly of women in this case, then all of this makes sense.

    The rest of the points you’ve made in this article are again all extremely subjective. If you have to play these mind games with any man then he is not worth your time. The type of guy that is not interested you in all these points is a man that obviously hasn’t matured yet. He is after perfection and not your heart. A man that is after your heart is completely different from the type of man mentioned in any of these topics that you have discussed. It’s sad that most men in this society have been motivated and influenced by what these social agents such as what the media has instilled in their minds. Hate to break it you, sex is not like pornography or how you see in the movies and women are not sexual puppets or objects. We aren’t “pets” and aren’t going to come when called, or sit down and shut up when you want us to.

    Anyway, this article is very disappointing to say the least, and to think that some women agree with this is the EXACT reason why you have so many relationship issues today. If you take advice from this article then you will have a lot of issues with not only relationships for the future but for staying true to your own personal self values and worth. You shouldn’t have to be altering your personality or your looks for ANYONE and you definitely shouldn’t have to sit back and figure out why did this guy lose interest in me. He obviously wasn’t meant for you, so move on and find a guy that isn’t going to be interested in you for “common” shallow reasons such as these.

  • Agreed. A number of factors come into play and specifically race and body shape. If extra weight goes to hips/butt, a woman can get way with much more weigh than if it goes to her stomach or upper area, but then again – this is nothing new.

  • Well said, Tyler. When the attack is on the source and not the content, you know that it’s not worth taking to seriously.

  • Tyler

    Yet again, first three sentences – a woman telling men what does or does not make them lose interest. Fascinating!

  • Tyler

    Luy – I appreciate this comment, because ‘overweight’ is subjective when it comes to outside beauty. There are heavier girls who can pull it off, and those who just really need to mind their habits. It’s just a preference, like dating a non-smoker is for many others. Insightful.

  • Tyler

    Another man here – it’s true for me, and I’ve got tons of guys who would be happy to sign a petition agreeing to all of the above stated interest-killers. Stop going for personal attacks by bringing up pornography and own that this post just hits you personally because you’re guilty of having lost men to one or all of these problems.

  • Tyler

    Emily – rage all you want. These are vetted true, any guy worth his salt will tell you, guys can lose interest in you. And that easily overpowers the dangling carrot lure of sex.

    Also, if you’re threatened by any of this, it’s because it exposes that some men are too smart to fall for tricks that women design in order to be selfish lovers themselves . . .

  • Tyler

    Excuse me, but how is expecting a woman to take care of herself “superficial”? Why do any of these traits exclude her from also being intelligent, or owning a sparkling and crisp personality?

  • Tyler

    Are you just writing that comment to try to hurt the author? Trust me – we get comments like that from women like you (or perhaps even better than you) all the time. These are the same ones who cling to us and act like crazy stalkers.

  • Tyler

    Seconded, from a guy. I nodded my head to every one of these bullets as I read every word and agreed with every word. And of course, this ESPECIALLY applies to guys with options.

  • Indeed. And not so much because of what they accomplished but of the behavior, demeanor and the energy that often (although not always) comes with it.

  • OhSoTrue

    Strong independent Career Women are a real turn off for us men, especially when they think their all that.

  • realshit40

    This happens for women as much as men. Also, when women feel that their men are not in to them anymore, our minds start to wonder off into thinking about what it would be like to have that perfect man, perfect body, perfect job, enough money and just”someone different” than them who will want us. Its never “looks”, its something WE are missing that THAT man couldn’t give us. Women also dont cheat useless were missing something psychological . wake up guys!

  • You make a lot of good points. I just have a couple of things to respond with.

    Obviously, I was not and I cannot talk on behalf of every guy, but I want to bring to women’s attention a number of things that could being a turn off to any given guy they are dealing with that are worth thinking about.

    Farting and burping are natural bodily functions, but there are things that a man should not see, smell or hear (unless he wants to). Many, if not most, women know that.
    A guy is not going to stop loving a woman who he loves because she farted or sneezed, but at the beginning stages of interaction, that kind of stuff certainly doesn’t help.

    I absolutely agree – some guys are quiet or have a hard time talking and carrying on a conversation and they would seek out a woman who is more talkative, but again – being too talkative is one POSSIBLE turn off.

    It’s great to feel good about yourself, but reluctance to change or even considering changing and improving yourself, as a popular as this mindset is in this country and culture, is one of the biggest obstacles to self-improvement. It’s easy to comfort yourself by saying that people should love you for who you are. It’s harder yet so much more useful to take a hard look at yourself and ask whether there is a thing or two that we can do or change to make ourselves better and more attractive.

  • Evie

    1. I appreciate your clarification about some guys not liking that their women gain weight (though I think a lot of the women know that and don’t need it said to them, because their self-esteem is probably already lowered by it).
    2. For you personally it can be a turn-off and that’s okay, it’s your opinion, but some guys are very quiet and like girls to do all the talking. (I’m kind of quiet and I’ve had quiet boyfriends that keep asking me what I want to talk about.)
    3. In someone else’s response they stated that a joke should be funny to both parties, not offensive. This is true. The example joke in your article was very rude. She was probably upset and/or embarrassed that her car broke down and it had nothing to do with her ability to drive, but with your ‘joke’ it sounded like you were making fun of her in a sexist way. Even if you don’t think so, it was offensive.
    4. Yes, some people can be interesting and talk less, but for a lot of girls (including myself) when I tell an interesting story (or even say something I find interesting that you might not because of difference of interests), I want to give the details so you understand everything. Yes the story might take 3-5 minutes to tell but it’s a lot better of a story than “There was a person who did a thing, the end.”

    You did do a generalization as if you were speaking about all guys to all women. So, might want to be more careful of that in the future. If a woman has a certain personality, no article is going to change that- and she shouldn’t change that to attract you or anyone else.

    “The fact that so many guys confirm and agree with the articles says something about the men’s position on this.” Why are there so many women that disagree and get offended by this? Because it’s offensive and wrong. If it’s FOR women, shouldn’t more women be reading and agreeing with it? Sure, almost every man wants a superwoman in their life, so of course a lot of men are going to agree to the article. But that doesn’t help any women, does it? When you get committed to some one you accept their flaws as well as everything that makes them great. If you can’t accept it, move on. Don’t try to change them if they don’t want to change.

    I like myself. I like my flaws and I love the things that make me great and attractive. It makes me unique, and sure we wish we could get rid of them at times, but if we could suddenly drop all our flaws with the snap of our fingers and become perfect, we could- but we can’t. That’s why we learn to except them in ourselves and others. And if you can’t except them and you don’t want to/can’t change them.. move on.

    Farting and burping was an extreme example but it still stands. “Losing a hard on”? What would he even be hard over? I’m not saying “hey we’re having sex let me fart on your dick”. Look, grow up. I was following your reply and thought we could have a mature conversation, until that very last sentence. Women are human. We have bodily functions. We shit and piss and fart and burp and puke. We scratch awkward places and our breath stinks when we wake up. What do you think happens when you get married? I mean yeah, don’t go burping and farting into a first, second, or even third date (unless it’s an accident and of course it should be ignored)- but it happens. And if you care about that person, you’re going to except it all. Eventually if you’re comfortable enough you’re going to be farting in front of that person. And if you don’t, you’re probably not comfortable with them, and that says something about the relationship.

  • Thanks for your detailed feedback.
    1. Point well taken. I guess I should have rephrased it and said that guys don’t develop and interest because of a girl’s weight issues, but they can also lose interest if the girl gains a lot of wait.
    2. Natural chattiness can be a huge turn off. It’s draining. Even girls complain about their girlfriends talking too much. True, some men don’t care but many do care. It’s of course not a definitive but a possible turn-off.
    3. This is not a call for a change. This is just a fact. Many guys really want to stay away from girls who are uptight and who can’t take a joke. If she is uptight, or doesn’t like certain type of jokes or she is scarred by being oppressed in the past, men should respect that, but that won’t help them get along or like each other.
    4. I never said not to talk. Like in many other aspects of life – quality is more important than quantity. Any person can be 10 times as interesting, but saying less and focusing on what they are saying and how they say it.

    I could never speak on behalf of all guys. I never said that all men like thin women (I don’t). I never expect a women to laugh when I offend her or try to offend her. These are all assumptions based on something that’s simple not written. The article is food for thought and possible reasons as to why a guy could lose interest or not become interested in the first place. Many of the qualities listed are part of a woman’s personality, but that doesn’t mean that she shouldn’t at least consider working on them. And not just for men but for herself as well, if she wants to attract a certain type of a guy.

    I completely agree – we all have different personalities and it takes two to tango in any situation, but there are things that are turn offs that are more universal among men than others, and I wanted to bring them to a reader’s attention. The fact that so many guys confirm and agree with the articles says something about the men’s position on this.

    Farting and burping?- absolutely not, if she cares about her guy not losing a hard on.

  • Evie

    Yikes. Just reading the titles, I can tell it was written by a(n offensive and possibly sexist) man. I can tell this will be a waste of my time, but I feel inclined to do it. And ladies, if you’re reading my comment, PLEASE take this article with a grain of salt. Men, same for you please. This article was based around the expectations of one man who basically wants a woman back from the 60s who will shut up and do whatever her man says. It says nothing about the dating mistakes of men as well.

    1. “Guys lose interest in you because you’re overweight.”
    One, if they didn’t like how you looked in the first place, why would they approach you? Two, if that’s who they are then no one but themselves need to change that. Three, there are men that generally don’t care about that or find it attractive (I’m overweight (obese) and get more compliments than I need.”

    2. “Guys lose interest in you because you talk to much.”
    “One of my favorite ways to keep yourself in check…” No. Just no. If a girl is naturally chatty then there is nothing wrong with that. You make it seem like you don’t want her to barely talk through the whole date. But of course you’d find her too shy, quiet, and boring if she didn’t. If she’s telling a story, should she just stop in the middle of the story and say “Wait, my 30 seconds are up, now you talk for two minutes.”

    3. “Guys lose interest because you’re too uptight.”
    Making a sexist joke, no matter how funny you think it is, is not cool. It’s not about being uptight. If it’s not her sense of humor, don’t try to tell her she needs to change what she finds funny, or laugh at what she finds offensive. It’s not a joke because women have lived through oppression. That’d be the same as making a whip and slavery joke to a black person. You just don’t do it.

    4. “Guys lose interest in you because you’re boring.”
    “If you don’t have much to say or share…” You literally just told us to not talk more than 30 seconds at a time. If I’m going to say anything interesting I’m going to say it all, not leave out all the details.

    5. “Guys lose interest in you because you’re an ultra feminist.”
    If you had just talked about the insane women that use feminism as an excuse to hate men.. I wouldn’t have any problem with that, because that is wrong. But instead you mentioned the women should be feminine, with a feminine voice, walk, and manners, and must be feminine to be successful. Some women just aren’t like that- and their success has nothing to do with their femininity, it has to do with their knowledge of the job.

    6. “Guys lose interest in your because you’re a victim of your own bad dating past.”
    Here you mention that she’s not going to ‘obey’ him and just shows that she can do what she wants. And I just have to wonder, what is wrong with that? She doesn’t have to obey you, and she CAN make her own decisions. And there is nothing wrong with a girl knowing what she wants, it doesn’t make her defiant.

    7. “Guys lose interest in you because you are not great in bed.”
    The fact that she cared about you enough to let you experience that with her says something. If you want to dump her immediately because the sex wasn’t as great when most likely you got off and she didn’t, then that’s your problem.
    “Guys don’t like girls that are too quiet or talk too much during sex…” That’s completely subjective to opinion. Some girls can be getting pleasure and just not be that much of a moaner. Or maybe you’re not doing something right and she really isn’t getting any pleasure- she isn’t going to moan to help your ego (or she might- I’ve done it plenty of times). I’ve also come across plenty of guys that LIKE and actually ask for girls to talk a lot, to talk really dirty or crude or just in general.

    8. “Guys lose interest in you because you’re too competitive and “feisty”.
    “This is very common with girls who were in an abusive or controlling relationship…” Actually, a lot of girls just have that personality. If a guy is competitive are you going to say he was in an abusive or controlling relationship? No, it’s his nature, just like it’s hers. “She will disagree on the place to eat, go out to, travel to, not because she doesn’t like his idea…” Unless I’m missing out on something, you aren’t a mind reader. If she tells you “I don’t like pizza” or “I don’t really like that place” she could actually be telling the truth. Just because she doesn’t agree automatically to every single decision you make about both of your lives together.. doesn’t make her competitive, or trying to show that you can’t control her. “A strong confident guy will be turned off…” Okay, what if she’s a strong confident woman? She must automatically be an Ultra-feminist, huh? Can’t have that. All girls must be super submissive in order to get a boyfriend. (Sarcasm, if you couldn’t tell.)

    “If you pay attention to these, you may become a more attractive and desirable woman.” Believe it or not (you probably wont), a lot of women aren’t trying to attract men, aren’t trying to please you, and aren’t looking for a man.

    To sum it all up; You’re saying all guys (mostly you) want a woman that is thin and attractive, doesn’t talk too much but doesn’t talk a lot, laughs at your jokes she doesn’t find funny, or just laughs when you offend her, aren’t feminist and aren’t dominate or stand up for themselves, but is super amazing in bed so you don’t have to learn to do anything yourself, doesn’t have an independent, feisty, or sassy personality, and is super feminine and dainty and has manners like Queen Elizabeth, never farting, burping, using the bathroom while you’re around. Yeah, good like finding that.

    Woman have their own personalities. Some may not be compatible with men or other women for that matter, the point is finding someone you are compatible with, not trying to change someone to fit YOUR views. The funny thing is, I (among a lot of other woman) have a lot of these qualities- but that fact that you are trying to change all women to fit your OPINION of how women should be (and saying that’s how all men want it) is ridiculous. Find someone you get along with, not change someone who doesn’t have a personality you like. We are not clones, you do not cut us out of a box and hand us out to every man that wants one.

    A lot of the problem can lie within the man as well, not just the woman- so think about that before you try to tell women how they should be to please you when majority just don’t care.

  • Mickey

    PH: YOU ROCK!!!

  • As brutally shallow as reading this might sound, this is a common experience for many guys. A gut or some other physical flaw can be a fatal turn-off that a guy simply can’t and doesn’t want to get over.

  • Perhaps if you read with a little more attention, you would have noticed that I do not talk about myself anywhere in the article. I only make observations about what makes guy lose interest based on my personal experience and the responses of many other guys I see in action and talk to.

  • Mickey

    And I’m sure you’re perfect in every way. We’re not worthy, we’re not worthy…

  • secondlook

    Women lose interest in you because they sit back for a moment listening and watching you and realize what a total jerk you are. They lose interest because your ego is far too huge compared to what positive traits you bring to the table. They lose interest in you because you speak to others like an arse. They understand what passive-aggressive comments are. They realize in bed that you are completely selfish and self absorbed. They notice you’re far more critical of their looks than you ever are of your own. Like there is just some total double standard going. Even if you are quite handsome they begin to see it less and less because women are not as visual. They require more. They find you shallow. Petty. Into things that just do not matter. They get bored and wonder what it would be like to date somebody that actually had an ounce of depth. Start with how you’re just sure you’re so “interesting and ambitious” and you’re the best catch you can think of. You “masculine, confident and attractive” man, you. This cracks me up.

  • secondlook

    And no female thinks you’re much of a catch. I can assure you.

  • #1 True

    I went on 2 dates with a chick who was fat and was disgusted when banging her, watching her stomach swing back and forth in the motion. I left after that and never called her again.

    Also there is another women I met, but she could lose just 10 lbs she would be hot. I’m not too interested becuase of that. I got another women who is mint thin, I’m going crazy for her because of that.

  • Pat

    Practicalh I believe it is you who need to address some issues in yourself and your understanding of “the truth”. This “truth” you are talking about is only so for a very few like minded men who have a limited grasp of “attractiveness”. It smacks of a mind that has been corrupted by media images, porn and superficial thinking. I know many quality men who would consider these views a reflection of lack of character and moral fibre. Time for you to address the mirror. To promote these views is damaging to relationships and very sad for any woman/girl who should believe you.

  • dominique

    Wow you are really egotistical!!! This is clearly your own opinions and not a global opinion? So basically if your thin youd live a happy life but if ur on the weighty side the chances are slim? You sound really young and oviously no experience in the dating world! So you ovioulsy want a slim, air head who waits for you to engage in conversation that you are interested in must be a porn star in bed! If i came across a guy like u id think you were really shallow! And that is unattractive! You wernt taught that beauty is within at all! Shame on you!

  • peter

    So why not go to the why women lose interest section?

  • peter

    I have to completely agree with the third reason. Damn but talking to these types of women is like treading on eggshells. These are the worst.

  • Similar illogical responses that assume way more than was ever written or intended to be written in the article have been addressed below.

  • Jennifer Billingsley

    So be thin, don’t talk much, don’t be a feminist, be hot in the sack. OK, well when I am looking for a super superficial guy, this advice will be awesome

  • TheseusRises

    You should try a helping of your own advice, son.

  • TheseusRises

    YES! This guy has a serious problem. There’s something wrong in his head. He projects his faults – his inability to communicate except at a snail’s pace, his tendency to tell offensive and sarcastic ill-timed jokes – as the shortcomings of “women” as a general population. It’s sad, really.

  • Emily, again – there is no mention of being a servant in the article or doing something that would please the guy on the account of making yourself suffer. There are simple, practical suggestions on how to become more attractive or at least less unattractive to men. A read can take some or all of the the suggestion. And there are plenty of articles on here about what a woman should do in order to become attractive along with which mistakes should be avoided:

  • Emily

    But what you don’t realize is what porn is teaching you……..that everything is about you! Remember how you said “don’t be so sensitive?” That’s exactly what an abusive man says to his mate when she objects to his insults! I’m not saying you are abusive, but that porn insinuates that the you don’t need to worry about your partners feelings!

    Let’s look at all your points in general:
    She shouldn’t be overweight
    She shouldn’t talk too much
    She shouldn’t be too uptight
    She shouldn’t be boring
    She shouldn’t be an ultra feminist
    She shouldn’t be a victim of her past
    She shouldn’t be mediocre in bed
    She shouldn’t be too feisty.

    I understand the point that no one wants to be with an unhappy demanding girl, who’s no fun, but so far it appears I’m talking a “player” who’s only interested in getting what he wants from a relationship! “Do and be everything I want” which is the general theme of porn (you should be able to have whatever you want, whenever you want, with whomever you want, regardless of how that person feels!)

    As a wise person always used to tell me, you don’t go to a restaurant and say “I don’t want a salad. I don’t want beans. I don’t want bananas……”. So my question to you is what qualities other than femininity do men value? What makes the girl from a one night stand different than one he’d bring home to meet his parents? What is it he really wants from a relationship? Frankly women aren’t interested in being a guy’s servant or mother! We want someone that loves us, someone who we can share our feelings, hopes, and dreams with. Someone who wants to create a wonderful life together doing things we both enjoy. Someone who will help us take care of the family, finances, and house. You get the point, but basically women are all about togetherness and love. Do you see how everything you described seems like an ad for a caretaker?

  • It’s true that there are quite a few overweight women out there who find a great guy and settle in a good, long term relationship, but still – generally, being overweight makes the pool of the men who are interested in that woman so much smaller.

  • GraceAnna

    I’m skinny, but I have some friends who struggle with obesity to the point you have mentioned. They all managed to get and keep a guy interested. The guys are relatively thin too. Exercise and eat right for your health and well being, but if you’re overweight, don’t despair. I’ve seen all shapes and sizes find love.

  • That’s a great point you are making. I hear more and more from different guys that the girls who are “interested” become more “interesting”, assuming that there isn’t something particularly obnoxious or repulsive about them.

  • yes

    As a guy I have to say most of this is true. Most of the shit you will read in Cosmo and shit is just telling you what you want to hear. This on the other hand may seem cruel but it is true. Better to know?

    I would add that guys also lose interest because girls play games.

  • Hello, Elle. You are welcome and my pleasure. I try to keep this blog active and alive by being responsive, just an FYI. I like how well you can handle a healthy debate. Considering how much intolerance there is in the Youtube comments, and elsewhere, comments such as yours are much appreciated.

    To your question, of course there is no guarantee that a guy will come back for more sex, like there are no guarantees in any other aspects of dating & love. But there are ways to improve the chances of a guy coming back by being a better sex partner. I think the recent guest article is very relevant. Please read and follow up if you have any comments and thoughts:

  • Elle

    Mr. PH, Thank you for your response. I wasn’t expecting one, let alone one so quickly. I do not think you need an advaced degree to discuss such topics. I was making a joke. I do believe that experience can be a reliable source. But at the same time it can generalize the outcome as you are only sampling a specific population (mostly based on location) therefore the result can be altered as all those women’s behavior can be affected by similar environmental factors.

    You are rights in regards to my comment about men’s package. It was more of a defensive response after reading the same thing over and over in regards to our smell and taste.

    Thank you for the clarification on the lights issue. I never thought about it in that sense.

    Now the question that still remains unanswered, which was probably the answer I was expecting the most is the one about sex. Because if I am in fact having sex w a guy is becuase I obviously expect it more than once. I don’t believe one night stands can be helpful in any way. So how can we as women make sex that much better for men (besides the no talking rule)?


  • Dear Elle,

    First, thank you for your kind words. You are correct, I do not have any formal qualifications to discuss relationship and gender issues. There are plenty of top school grads out there in the “business” but what good does mainstream dating advice usually do – from my amateur observation – not much. And of course I didn’t bother to conduct any significant scientific studies. My research usually includes a combination of my personal experience and asking around anywhere between 20 and 50 people from different backgrounds and walks of life, who I can rely to be open and honest on their opionions and experiences.

    You have a point. As objective as I try to be, I can’t help but rely to my own experiences among others. At the same time, you should note that we guys are not that different from each other, well not as much as women are. Our taste of course varies, but overall “hot” is “hot” and “not” it is “not” when it comes to a woman’s looks at least.

    To your question about lights- I am sure that just as often guys want lights off because they don’t like their own body or they are too shy or too embarrassed to be naked in front of another person even if they don’t have a problem with how their body looks. So, I wouldn’t automatically assume that a guy has a problem with your body just because he insists on light to be off.

    About whether I found this perfect woman – I make it a point to keep my personal life out of my advice, but I will say that I met a number of such “perfect” women. Their looks were about 8-8.5 but their personality was great, which made them a 12 in my book and I will take that over a perfect 10 in looks with a 7 personality any day.

    What do we guys do to keep our package fresh? – the article is not about men but it’s about and for women. What one guy does or does not do should not affect a woman’s behavior, at least not in the hygiene department.


  • Elle

    It seems to me, that you Mr. Practical H. are describing you ideal partner. After reading many of your articles I’ve noticed that they all follow a distinct pattern. Please don’t take offense in my comment as it is just a mere observation. So are you saying that a girl has to be 90- 60-90 in order to be appealing to men? Where does personality, intelligence and other characteristics fall in the equation?

    A woman who is great in bed:

    Of course that would be awesome, nonetheless awesomeness comes with practice and practice in this case is being penalized; as a woman cannot sleep with many men. I may sound like some crazy feminist but I’m actually quite far from it. I do agree that a woman shouldn’t have many partners because as my grandma puts it, it’s like gum; the more it’s chewed the less flavor it has. I for example can’t say I’m quite experienced in bed so this just makes me more self-conscious each time I’m being intimate with someone for the first time. I don’t consider myself dull but I definitely won’t pull out the fishnet stockings stilettos and whip the first time with any guy. I mean it’s already awkward as it is. Yet you are more or less implying I’ll be graded on my debut with any particular guy and if it’s not good enough chances are I won’t hear from him again. So how do you suggest I go about it? If I practice too much I’ll be a whore and if I don’t practice I won’t get a call back.


    This is a little conflicting also. Either way works for me I suppose it depends on the situation. What I found confusing was that you mentioned in other articles that you personally have had the lights off if you are not that attracted to the girl you are with. So we obviously go back and think of all the times the guy has requested the lights to be off. I’ve been asked to leave the hall way or bathroom light on. So now I can’t help but to wonder if he was just not attracted to me. I just thought the light bothered his eyes. If he is not that attracted then why would he continue to see you?

    Smells/ Tastes:

    Most women are already self-conscious about their smell and taste, and yes we can keep it clean, eat less meat and drink insane amounts of pineapple juice but let’s face it, you will never find a parfait down there. What about men, what do you guys do to keep your package fresh? You guys can complain all you want about us but don’t tell me you’ve never received oral after being at work all day with desperate need of a shower.

    I do believe that most women know what it is they need to change about themselves (or at least have an idea) I know I do, and I have been working on it for a while and I can tell you I’ve made much improvement. However, it is interesting to see it written here as it reinforces what we already know men expect. Which again brings me back to the beginning. Everything sums up what your ideal woman should be (or most men’s). Now my question is have you Mr. Practical H, found this woman because it doesn’t seem you will settle for less and advice men on the same. If this perfect woman is not found, does that mean you and other men will just lose hope? I gather your articles are written based on research and experience. I don’t assume you have a PHD in the psychology and behavior of single men and women from Harvard’s school of amorous relationships and sexual shenanigans. Nonetheless I have enjoyed your articles quite a lot for different reasons, you are in fact a good writer and you do have a nice way with words. I

  • Not at all. The purpose of the article is to make women take a long, hard look at themselves and see if there is anything they can do to change their behavior so that the guys they like do not lose interest in them. The rest of your observations simply don’t apply to the article. But since we are on the topic, some aspects of submissiveness are part of femininity. In some circles, the term “submissive” has a negative connotation, but in so many ways it’s a great quality. Being submissive to a degree doesn’t mean staying home in the kitchen, not going to school or not working. It means enjoying the fact that the guy you are with is leading and taking charge in various situations.

  • I hope I don’t choke on my own vomit, and yes – the truth hurts all too often.

  • Thanks for your thoughts. First, please note that nowhere does it say that I speak on behalf of all the men out there. But since we are on that topic, we, guys, are not all that different about what turns us off. The article is not meant to demoralize or insult, but it’s meant as a food for thought on how many girls can improve themselves and make themselves more attractive. In this don’t-judge-don’t-tell-me-what-to-do culture, this kind of constructive feedback is often taken as an insult, but it really isn’t meant to be.
    Loving yourself is an easy solution but just like you need to earn others’ love, having reasons to love yourself will surely help.

  • HappyandContentGirl

    Wow! That was my reaction after reading this!
    I was more shocked to read the comments, since some girls actually believed in this after reading it! :O
    No disrespect to the author, everyone is entitled to their own views. But it is not really cool to generalize to such an extent. When you speak, you are speaking for all the guys out there, given your authoritative tone, aren’t you? But do you think it’s fair to plant such an idea in the minds of insecure girls out there? Especially, given the fact that a lot of men will beg to differ from your views.
    Needless to say, I have met a lot of men who are happy in relationships where their girls exhibit one or more of the traits that you hold as major “turn-offs”. A lot of guys actually like talkative women, while others might hate. Same goes for body weight; some find soft and curvy women more attractive than toned ones. What you have to realize is that all these are nothing but “preferences” and do not contribute to the attraction meter in a relationship. You can be the most beautiful, interesting and composed woman out there, but all these traits will only help you win a talent contest.
    Truthfully speaking, I think men lose interest if
    a) they weren’t looking for anything serious in the first place and the woman gets all serious>>>conflict of interest
    b) they were open to the possibility of forever, but the woman stops growing as an individual.
    Just a message to all you girls out there. No matter what, it is VERY important to love yourself first, only then can you contribute further to the relationship. How can you expect someone to continue loving you if you don’t love yourself? Insecurities are justifiable. But don’t let them become your monsters and eat up your happiness.
    All the best. <3
    Real men always look beyond all the Instagram filters that you hide behind and fall for the real you.

  • Sandy

    I put in why am I no longer attracted to men and all that came up was articles why men are no longer attracted to women. I see men are so perfect. Yes I do agree for both sexes to stay in some decent shape however I see many people in relationships that are not perfect. Fact is a relationship is susposed to be about two people who care for each other because they love the person. This crap about all he superficial things really just tells me what I already know you wwant superwoman. She has a great job pays all her own bills takes care of her children by herself then makes time to be so hot for you and also works out everyday for five hours so she caan look like a Victorias secret model for you and for what?

    I am really tired of this crap for cheap dates to be told to not invest when someone is harassing you evry date for sex but just keep holding off then your a frigid bitch no wonder he lost interest can a woman win?

  • Thanks. 😉 You covered a lot of ground in your comment which might inspire me to write quite a few article on the topic in the nearest future or make a video or two about this.

  • TrueBlood

    I agree that reflecting on the traits that could be improved is important.

    Perhaps the single most important aspect within each of the partners is having good faith at heart. It may sound cliche, but it is absolutely true.

    Staying in shape for the enjoyment of your partner is something that shows good faith, and it works both ways in the man for the woman too.

    Judging your partner is not a cool thing to do, whether it comes from a past experience with a previous partner, or a feminist background or what you learned at home, it makes no difference. Simply stated measuring someone else and demanding they conform with expectations is not having good faith towards them.

    Being boring and talking too much are the same problem. If a woman has a like mind, and a perspective we find stimulating, they are not boring and will not be boring even if we spoke until the early hours in the morning. Time will fly, and it is an awesome thing. But that is dependent on what the guy finds interesting, and the match with the woman. A woman can't change that or much less fix it, because there is nothing broken.

    Being competitive is a turn off only for those who carry a chip on their shoulder which again is not good faith towards a partner to want them to limit their potential. Good faith is the opposite. Wanting them to feel good and succeed.

    And being good in bed is something that comes together with a heart for the partner, a desire for improvement, and a little practice.

    Also, since this is all about opinions and nobody owns the absolute truth, I must add that I would not ever recommend porn for couples. Like I said, it is all about good faith, and lusting over another woman isn't having good faith to a partner.

    It seems the article was written from the perspective that the unmet expectations in a relationship, are caused purely by external factors, but that is simply not the case.

    As for myself, the 'bitchy', competitive, feminist woman… That is the profile of my best female friends. The ones I could have a great relationship with. I can take the push back without taking offense, don't feel threatened by their progress, as a matter of fact, I find their need for growth and progress stimulating, and the feminist subject is no problem with me.

    A woman expecting respect for women is how it should be. If they disrespect me in the process of demanding their respect, then they failed at the same valid point they were defending and are out of line. But assuming the feminism is done with respect, I would even say that I agree with feminists.

    What I cannot stand is the underhanded negativity that festers in secret. The false faces hiding discontent. The lies and pretenses. The woman who would pretend to be submissive, or limit their talking while festering inside feeling that it is wrong.

    And of course, 'bitchy' women they tell you everything that is going on in their heart to your face, whether you want to hear it or not. That is what makes them 'bitchy'. And I find the truthfulness in the approach to be very cool in a woman. Assuming it is not a double standard, and they accept truth when it is spoken back, being bitchy is a quality I truly enjoy. And I disagree that being a bitch and being a lady are mutually exclusive. I would say that if you looked throughout history probably most of the women who have had power and a position in society (ladies) had the expectation that they could speak their heart even when the person listening might not like it. They just would not cause a public scene in the process.

    My point in the bitchy, feminist type is that different men like different things.

    One man may find that a woman with uninteresting thoughts (from the man's perspective) is ok to have a relationship with as long as she is hot, good in bed, stays submissive and keeps her mouth shut…

    For me, the ideal woman is one with whom there is a deep feeling of connection, that has a good heart, is truthful, is interested in working on the relationship in good faith, likes philosophy, culture, food, travel, and is fun to share and hang out with. If she's hot, that is a big plus 😉

    Although I disagree with much of the intent, I think the article is useful in the sense that it brings out subjects of conversation that are important to address in a couple. Sex, feminism/causes, life experiences/difficulties growing up, and other things that could turn into points of contention, and in addressing them they can be resolved (again in good faith), and become opportunities for deeper bonding. It is also an awesome article in the sense that it stimulates a lot of interaction. It struck a nerve, and that is something few articles do. Pretty powerful writing. Congratulations.

  • Dear TrueBlood,

    Thank you for your thoughts and additional ideas about the potential turn-offs or reasons that guys lose interest.

    My comment in no way intended to make Willow paranoid, and that would be assuming too much. All I wanted to say was that just because a woman is tall, slender and beautiful, doesn't mean that she doesn't have other bad qualities that can be a turn on. This was said not in order to cause paranoia but in order to simple consider reflecting on the possible traits that can and should be worked on.

  • TrueBlood


    I hope you understand that what you told Willow was that somehow she had flaws / inadequacies that 'make guys lose interest in her'. That is just not true.

    Men don't break up with women because of the woman, but because of ourselves. We sometimes get involved with a woman we know isn't right because of lust. We look past the things we don't like because we are getting satisfaction. After the sex cools off, the issues remain.

    We dump women because we feel we have something better, by whatever standards we have. Fun, sex, money, religion, you name it.

    We dump women out of spite because we were hurt and somehow feel it could give a sense of justice. Just out of a guy being a prick.

    Women aren't dumped because of who they are, but because of what is going on inside the guy.

    Willow sounds like she might have not found the guy that is ready for a stable relationship, has the right interests to find her fascinating, and has the good will to put himself aside for her when there is need to accommodate her. But that guys is out there.

    Becoming insecure of who she is, developing a paranoia of her 'flaws', which she may or may not have, will not help her find the right relationship. On the contrary, instead of spending her attention connecting and sharing she will withdraw in her mind questioning herself and damaging the relationship. Insecurity cripples a relationship, not because it is a turn off between men and women, but because it cripples everything a person does.

    Willow, if you read this. There is nothing wrong with you. As a matter of fact, it could be that the guy who broke up with you finds out later that you were his best relationship, and in the same way in which he moved on to greener pastures now, he may want to move back to your greener pastures, and you may be in a different situation then and not want him back. It happens all the time.

    Best of luck to you both.

  • M

    Its not that we don't want to hear the "truth" its the simple fact that if we don't do exactly the right thing at the right time–every time, you guys will lose interest?? Now who's being harsh? Honestly this is unfortunately the very reason why our world is falling apart now days. This is how guys FEEL women should be–perfect at ALL times. You guys sure as hell aren't so why expect something from us that you guys are unable to provide us with?? I would gladly take a faithful, honest, hard-working, family-1st, funny, intelligent, romantic, sexy & ripped as an underwear model, who provides me with an unlimited allowance to buy our family everything & anything we want or need but I sure as hell don't see that guy anywhere so don't expect the same in return from me. I'll stay home with the kids & clean the damn house in stilettos if you can give me everything I want & still come home & make me cum till I beg you to stop.

  • Saying that you need to lose weight is not mean if done the right way. The fact that there are many guys out there who are out of shape is irrelevant and doesn't mean that you shouldn't take care of yourself. The article doesn't refer curvy women. Most guys like women with some curves. It takes about the women who are clearly overweight. It's easy to reject useful advice and dismiss it. Following it is much harder and that's why most people who are overweight don't lose weight. They don't want to experience the discomfort associating with recognizing that they have a problem than needs to be addressed.

  • Elise

    Saying that you need to lose weight is mean. There's loads of guys who date who are out of shape too. No wonder there are girls and women with so many hang ups. There is a gauge to how you are going look naked, when you wear clothes, he has an idea what dress size you are.

    Some guys like curves not bones. Some skinny girls don't even have pretty faces. Who wants an ugly skinny girl?!

    I have experienced a guy who rejected me sexually, when he was the one first initiated trying to get me into bed, then he went cold and lost interest. All I got was excuses why he couldn't see me. It certainly wasn't because I 'don't know what I'm doing' in the bedroom. I have a high sex drive, like to dress up, I can squirt and give amazing deep throat. He said he was attracted to me and I had the personality to match. not many girls do. He would sit there in my company with an erection, so I know it's not that!

    I believe it was because he already had a girlfriend and was dating others. So he was too knackered to have sex with all of us!

    He was a player, he had no intention of anything progressing, didn't matter how great I was or how nice. Ladies need to be in tune to this. Sex doesn't equal a relationship.

    The bottom line then, lose weight and watch some porn you will find the man of your dreams! I don't think so.

  • @gopez Thanks for your thoughts. You are bringing up an important issue. I think it really depends on the advice. It's important to be able to share with each other feedback, advice and constructive criticism. On the other hand, it's important not to go overboard, hit below the belt or simply insult instead of helping.

    One of the problems in our society is that we seem to be getting defensive way to quickly when hear any kind of negative feedback in our direction, instead of listening to its content and asking ourselves whether there is point to that criticism.

    You can point out things that can be improved while respecting the other person, as long as it's done in a respectful manner, and the two do not have to be mutually exclusive.

  • Viv, you don't Have to be this way. You can be as bossy and powerful as you want – it's just that you will not attract a Masculine and powerful man. There needs to be some balance and polarity in a relationship to garner attraction. It is not meek to be feminine, there is a lot of power and beauty in the feminine. Women can love like men cannot – that is very feminine and there's nothing wrong with it. just because you can act like a man's powerful buddy, doesn't mean that you should expect a man to be attracted to it like he would to his polar opposite.

  • wow, this list is RIGHT ON. Too bad I can't just hand it out to every girl I date (or "try" to date I should say). Another one to add, is THINKING YOU KNOW TOO MUCH/GIVING A MAN ADVICE/TRYING TO BE A MOTHER INSTEAD OF A GF. I've been turned off beyond repair from very hot girls who think they know what's best for me – and early on! Giving me a career opinion is so unfeminine, Best Case: it's great advice and you've relegated yourself to being my buddy. Either way, powerful men are not going to be attracted to girls that don't respect them.

  • Who says you have to choose and you can't be both? Who said that you can't be real and feminine at the same time? Once a woman realizes that there is no shame in being a little sweet and softer, it will serve her well in her dating life and relationships with men – perhaps not with all men, but the best of them – the ones who appreciate femininity.

    Let's not confuse being gentle/feminine with being weak or fake or subservient.

  • Anna

    What the hell? I have to speak with femininity, walk with elegance, and worry 24/7 about whether I'm giving off a feminine, cutesy vibe? What if I want to be who I am? What if I enjoy sounding like a real person, and not likes fake, superficial liar who forces her voice to sound extra feminine to elicit approval from men? I'm a real person, not just an object who serves the function of constantly being cutie pie eye candy. I don't have a deep voice, but it's not like I talk like the girl who plays daisy in the great gatsby movie. the only person I can really compare my voice to is marceline's from adventure time. For lack of a better person to compare to, I'll use her.

    But I don't care. I'm not going to change my voice, posture, or walk, for anyone. I do as I please. I believe even I needed to change all these things I could still be attractive– it's about being down to earth, fun, and naturally beautiful.

  • Thanks for sharing your experience. It's great that you are aware of the effects of your prior bad experience and of feminism on you. Being conscious of it should help you overcome it, and stop pushing away the guys you meet and like.

  • Al

    i have to agree with lots of things here…. im 24 im single and very often i think fuck im a great looking girl whats wrong? but deep inside i know whats wrong ….im a bit feminist and i alws say oh guys think only bout 1 thing… and im just closed ,so im not suprised why someone wrote this article… but i cant help it and its not the lack of attention..but its me who s pushing them away …haha its terrible but i know its my own fault ..the truth is that we are lonely because we want to… i got hurt very bad and its still haunting me even though its been 2 yrs now since that but i cant open to anybody so its probably the same with most girls….

  • He is not being a loser. He is just being honest about his nature and what he wants with himself and with others.

  • Felicia

    The guy that is portrayed in this blog is a real looser and I wouldn't want to meet him.

  • Definitely, many of the issues apply to guys, but this article was written about women and for women. Assuming that that I was trying to make girls feel bad about themselves is going way further than I ever intended or the writing suggests.The articles suggests constructive solutions on what a girl can do to become more attractive and more desirable. And not all porn movies are alike. Some are terrible, while others can be provide tons of great idea on how to be a better sex partner.

  • Annoymous

    Everything in the article works both ways. I wouldn't want to date a boring self-adsorbed guy who only talks about himself and is competitive to the point that a partner that isn't afraid of displeasing him at every turn would be a threat to his masculinity somehow. Anyone that thinks that honestly thinks porn movies are instruction manuals is going to be a crappy lay and has some seriously skewed perceptions about sex. Sounds like you are trying to single out girls who are already feeling insecure and make them feel bad so that they can make guys feel better about being kind of douchey. If you are confident, fun, and easy to engage you don't have to stress it.

  • Thanks. Losing weight is just as important for men. It's not a secret that women find guys with well defined facial bone structure far more attractive than the guys with round faces. The same applies to the rest of the body.

  • ihatethereforeiam78

    Indeed, #1 is the most difficult to hear and acknowledge, but it's really worth trying.

  • Mae

    Number 1, hit me hard.. ouch!!!! But your right for health reason as well… mmmm

  • That was my typo, which is funny indeed. Obviously it should have been "shows". It's fixed now. Thanks for pointing out.

  • To become less boring, "watch shoes." This made me laugh. Apparently, no one else found it funny.

  • Sexist and a little cruel but true.

  • A

    This is pretty sexist and at times contradictory of itself. No wonder women are so confused and no, I am not being a feminist, just saying.

  • Anonymous

    and guys loose interest in you if you sleep around and have too many flings.

  • Angelbrecht

    Haha, we're typical humans…. 🙂 4 years… i googled "why men lose attraction to their woman'', having in mind that it's not the case with me, but i just seem to always be searching for the ideal woman thing. keep comparing any and all attributes my girlfriend has to any and all attributes other women has. one giant pro's and con list. she always wins! 😉 haha… gotta love love. oh, and before you women freak out, its a subconscious thing… i'm not literally doing this. in those moments of freedom… we tend to do stupid stuff. like overthinking our relationship… or completely underthinking and just 'acting out'. the same dilemma can probably be seen as "wanting to break up…vs. wanting someone else more". but anyways, human nature is so flawed. ofcourse didn't read all the posts, because some people make it evident how unattractive they are by their thoughts alone… or.. failing at life as i like to think of it. 🙂 i like this list… you can decide for yourself how your point allocation works. if looks are NOT AT ALL important to you, then don't allocate points for looks! lol. but realize others do… yeah, as long as the biggest thing you have in common is a constant… then nothing else matters. well… if the biggest thing you have in common is you're both good looking.. then… eish.. Good luck!! hehe. life's simple…

  • Dita

    Someone has a tiny dick

  • Anonymous

    that would be a perfect women who is in neverland! I am a woman and seriously I am good at some part of this article and not good at other part! I agree on the bed part though! LOL

  • Anonymous

    Ah! I’ve been doing it all wrong. I need to lose 30 pounds, shut up and nod my head. To all of you that agree with this article, you ate the problem with society. I bet you are the types that say “she was asking for it” when a woman gets raped. Dark humor is great but it’s not cool when you are first getting to know someone. Just as you wouldn’t make disgusting comments to a new coworker or whatever.

  • Hello

    I am really interested in the author of this article if it is written by a guy! I am a woman:) Can you please email me back if you are single?

  • Nowhere does it say that you need to shut up or nod your head, but if you carry 30 lbs extra, then losing them will serve well in all the obvious ways, that go far beyound just meeting guys and dating. Neither this articles no the author condones rape in any shape or form (except perhaps where both parties are trying to spice up their sex life by role playing). And the analogy between your date and a co-worker is less than persuasive, to say the least.

  • @ Anon
    Men will not and should not feel guilty for what and who they find attractive. Any overweight woman has a choice – stay overweight and listen to the false “be yourself and look for guys to appreciate you for who you are on the inside” advice or working hard on losing weight, becoming more attractive physically and thereby significantly increasing the choices she has with men. No one says that a thick woman will stay single forever. There are plenty of thick women out ther who are in great relationships and are married, but it’s not a secret that being fit surely helps in attracting men. This has nothing to do with any kind of discrimination.

  • Anon

    Is no one else bothered by this guy’s blatant discrimination against anyone who isn’t completely thin? Lose weight, or stay single forever? Screw whoever wrote this.

  • Thank you for your constructive criticism. 😉

  • Anonymous

    Reasons why a woman loses interest in you: you wrote this, so you must be a pig.

  • Jenn

    @Jenn, I meant to say I see a woman who thinks she can do everything a man can do as not being intelligent.

  • Jenn

    @April Bell, I’m a woman, and I agree with the entire post! The funny thing is, these reasons are the same reasons I loose interest in woman as friends. But, really are these not the same reasons for the most part that women also loose interest in men? I’m very different from most women, though. I believe in being my husbands sex kitten. While I do not see men and women being unequal in worth, I do see, respect, and like the ways that we are not equal. I do not see a woman who thinks women can do everything that men can do as being intelligent. Women run off of emotions, and a woman trying to live like a man, and suppresses her emotions in order to survive in a man’s world is just a time bomb that will eventually go off!

  • whatever

    @soozie, soo true! if u believe these things u r going to be alone and your right hand will be your best friend

  • Anonymous

    @April Bell, yes it was….as U recall its about why a "Man" would lose interest in a women, if a women wrote it it would be fictional … The guy is being honest … And that's all I have to say…

  • Janet

    It’s this simple.If you don’t want me—go. Who in their right mind wants someone who doesn’t want them, and to add to that, who wants somebody who only loves conditionally? You don’t like me, get lost.

  • Norman


    I’m boggled. As a man, this guy has it on the money on why I didn’t continue to date several women. Keep drinking your kool-aid, it’s obviously got some good drugs in it.

  • paris

    @Marcia, I agree with you women need to open there mind and that why they don’t hve aman

  • paris

    I love this article I can understand the content and the nature of a mans mind and how it operates you’d need to be these things to a man and then some. I am african american and if women would just humble themselves and take the time out to give a man what he wants he might just turn around and give a women what she wants$$$$$$$$$$$$. Lo

  • Marcia

    i am a woman, model beautiful, philosophy graduate from the Ivy League, very passionate never promiscious. I agree with all the points made by the author.

    The women on the site posting–or most of them–come across as easily offended, defensive, and full of themselves. Their attitudes will get them nowhere.

    Men want feminity with brains and self-sufficiency, ladies. It an’t all so complicated.

  • Mo

    I think a lot of men these days are seriously find it really offensive with women's overly obsessively pickiness. So many women want this super precise ultra specific height in a man as in he must under no circumstances by like 6' tall, he must make this precise amount of money (yes it's obviously important)to have a stable income, have a good college education, but sometimes (REALITY) hits i.e (the economy). Yes it's great to be picky to a certain degree, but being those overly picky women that have the literally 30, 40 pages of "requirements" and "demand" that under no circumstances there must be a guy to meet your every "demand" "requirements". Women that don't have realistic expectations have NO ZERO chance cause men will run like hell from you even if your hot cause your one of "them" women. Women have to get into reality i.e. accept and realize that you're guy may be 6' but he MAY NOT (women get over your height obsessions)!!!!! Men are not going to meet you every demand, that's just obviously so unrealistic and not in the "real world". But again I think a lot of men are offended with women's attitudes, and demands list "requirements"!!

  • Rm

    Very good input! Love to read and it’s very realistic.. and thanks to the author of this blog : )


    @ Warrior princess. I couldn’t agree more. Just because you don’t have a perfect body are are in the process of building a better and more attractive body, doesn’t mean that you should put your life or beauty on hold. You still can and should do the best with what you have in the meantime.

  • Warrior princess

    This article is very helpful. I would just add to No. 1 that while losing weight/ or taking care of yourself to put your best beauty forward. We women can wear make-up, hair accessories, heels and lovely clothes.

  • Mickey


    You’ve got to be kidding. It’s precisely the attitude like the one you’re projecting that suggests that men are stupid, insecure creatures. in the meantime, there are many women who walk around with their noses in the air thinking that all men are beneath them. If all that’s out there are hostile women with attitudes like that, I can understand (but not agree) why some guys would turn gay.

  • Elizabeth Cisneros

    Hahahahaha!! Wow…. Boys please don’t flatter yourselves thinking its all about You, you, you. That’s what’s wrong with this society! By offering everything on a silver platter to these ungrateful, deceiving beings. According to those statements it sounds to me like men are insecure cry babies for lack of a better word. When they feel threatened or intimidated because they don’t feel they’re good enough, instead run away and find some one they can manipulate and talk down to just to feel slightly better about themselves. Talk the talk but when it comes down to it they are the biggest cowards, quitters, liars and every derogatory word in the dictionary.

  • Elizabeth Cisneros

    It's not about it being the truth or not… Weather it hurts or makes some one angry's called common courtesy. One is considered uptight or boring if insulted with derogatory comments? No one should be insulted and pretend nothing is wrong and laugh as if a joke was told. Men get easily insulted and butt hurt, but since its them doing it then that makes it ok. Come on!! am I the only one making these observations? Why do Women blame themselves as to why men lose interest? Why are they so tough on themselves? By feeling we must entertain and keep their interest. We aren't puppets ladies!!

  • Anonymous

    re:”7. You are not a good sex partner. Some of the big turn-offs for guys are women who are either too quiet in bed (not making any sounds that would indicate their enjoyment and would look like they are bored), Not many women know what they are doing with their hands and their mouth when it comes to the man’s body.” (HUH?)

    Making sounds? This is BullS**T. Men are delusional with far too much Staged Porn that they’ve lost sight of reality, .. how a Real confident women responds and expresses “Honest” enjoyable, intimacy . Boys, it’s not for women performing tricks” i.e. animated cartoonish, jumping up and down, bucking like riding a angry bull,… shouting at high levels, and screaming “Yippy, go daddy go harder, harder LOL… That’s’ all in the fake Staged and scripted Pornography, directed by Men for Men, ! It ain’t real!!!

    Sure, a women can fake and scream to fake you out for fun, boost your fragile egos, it’s an insincere, mocking act though.. How can a women relax, and feel secure, wonderful intentionally faking a scripted comedic circus act? Orgasm for a women won’t naturally build under those ridiculous distracting circumstances? If a women “Looks” bored, she is!!!! She is letting YOU use her body to (service) please you as a duty, is mentally, emotionally and physically vacant, thinking of her to do list. If you are pushing, grabbing and forcing sex upon a women who’s not ready, does not even know you, without much of a developed trusted monogamous relationship, it’s all gonna be fake, and the women is not relaxed, feeling safe with you, worried about what is happening, body being intrusively invaded is highly unwanted and revolting.

    So what do men expect when a women experiences she’s being raped, void of tenderness, intimacy, sensitivity, only hurried urgency, she’s not even aroused, and that’s what men need to understand. Women should not allow themselves to be fire hydrants, and men dogs looking for relief and using them this way. Ladies don’t be fire hydrants.

  • Anonymous

    my partner has now lost interest in me because he is 3 weeks away from possible manslaughter charges !

    I am hurt beyond belief . .

  • sam

    This article isn't bad. It does show me things from a different perspective. As a guy, you probably don't know all the real REASONS behind some of these female actions, but that only makes sense. You're a guy.

    For example, I do have a problem with competition. I love it. It's thrilling and good for the soul. Sometimes it's in the form of wit and other times, I just don't like to loose at Tekken. So, what does that make me?

    I guess it boils down to a personality flaw, which we all have. And I'm completely aware of it. I think what we should get out of articles like these, is that we should ALL constantly look to BETTER ourselves. Not necessarily for men, but for women and friends and family and just ourselves in general.

    Sometimes I'm gross and goofy and it irritates me when a guy tells me that I shouldn't be, but then he turns an ass cheek and farts in my direction. I'd laugh my fine ass off if he wasn't such a hypocrite.

    But the point is people ARE hypocrites. (yes, guys AND girls). and they don't always KNOW what they want. So a few manners upfront, along with a bit of self control=a good thing for everyone. I've found that you can ease in to being yourself. and if the guy or girl doesn't like it then A) he/she isn't going to cut it or B) tone it down and have sex until you're bored and find someone more interesting. If he isn't your "life partner" then you can turn down your personality to 80% just like you do with your other friends.

    No one is 100% themselves all the time. humans adapt to their situation.

    So I can see why women are upset with someone telling them how to act and then instead tuning themselves to 120% personality just to say "fuck you".

    but girls, lets be real. You're only upsetting yourself

    On the other hand if you are anything less than 70% yourself, find someone else. again, you can always ease into "you". but I personally don't want to hang out with a chick if she fucking annoys me either. and I'm a girl. and I'm tolerant.

  • practicalhappiness.c

    Thank you for your comments. It takes a certain maturity to hear the harsh thruth, but the fact that you are able to reflect on your own behavior and see where you confronted the same issues and made the same mistakes will surely make you wiser and will help you avoid the same problems in the future.

  • Janet

    Thanks for writing this article! I found it to be very insightful. Being a female myself, I was surprised by how many women disagreed. I feel like I can relate to a lot of the points you've made. Sometimes, I do notice myself being a little uptight with little jokes that can be taken as insulting. I easily to get caught up in the moment and blow up on my boyfriend. We've talked about this and it puts a lot of pressure on him as a result and now he's always cautious when conversing with me. That's definitely not something I want. Although I do think such things can be compromised in a calm conversation. Ive also gone through a couple of unsuccessful relationships prior and I know I let a lot of these bad experiences affect my current relationship. I'm way more defensive than before and if I sense any similar patterns, I'll go through periods of fear and anxiety. I feel like this happens to both men and women, and that's just something we have to deal with on our own. I agree, it's unfair to our present partners to have to deal with/pay for what others did in the past. Anyways, going forward 'll keep these things in mind and be more logical and compromising in the future. =)

  • Rose

    Hi, I am a woman. Thank you for writing what your real thoughts were.
    This article is top reasons why men lose interest in a woman. Women wants just the truth. No lies, but sometimes truth hurts, is cruel, and is hard to accept.

    All I can read here is men and women are at war all the time , but can not live without each other. We all need to love and be loved by the opposite sex. I also read that men and women are different. Of course we are, that is why we love each other. Different was in God’s plan. : ) Yes, we can read contradictions sometimes in some articles, but people want to know the truth so there is. Men and women do not like lies so the author just told what he and/or other men did not find attractive in women. That’s all. We women should not take that personally. We all want to improve the relationship between men and women so why being angry at each other that much? When I read women saying men want this and that and don’t want this and don’t want that and read men saying women are like this or like that then to me I dont see that the human species will ever be in a good relationship. That is too bad! No one is perfect so let’s just be more intelligent than that, we humans. It doesn’t mean everyone think the same way. The important thing is being ourselves and feeling good in our own skin when we date or hang out. People who like us for who we are will stick with us, if not then, next! Men and women should have their own goals, activities, friends, so they can not be all the time with each other so they can appreciate each other’s company again. Good Luck to all of us for finding love. Love is sweet. We all want the same thing, don’t we? : )

  • Amy

    The guy I married became disinterested right after our wedding night. That was 45 years ago. The day after we were married to him I didn’t exist any more. We had sex and intimacy once and that was it. His brilliant pea brain moved himself to the basement and started to work the midnight shift. We have done nothing together since we were married, no communication . He stays cooped up down stairs with no TV, Radio, computer or phone. My advice is all of you play the field, I know women can be bitchy at times, guys have to deal with it, guys don’t have vaginas, us women have to plug it up once a month and if you guys had to you would be bitchy also. All the guys worry about is how much money they make, and what the scores are with the latest baseball or football games, and talk about the women they shagged . Probably 92% of the guys get stuck at home on the weekend, and do what ever they do.

  • My personal opinion is the whole damn article sucks
    1. Why should some women lose weight I like a little meat on the bones and I like to go out for dinner too “DINNER” not leaves and tomatoes
    2. I personally feel that if you can’t take a b.s joke as what was said here you have no sense of humor any practicle person would know when another person is joking but yet timing is perfect. We’re not gonna throw a joke out there if you can see she is really emotional, etc…
    3. “you talk to much” come on! If you don’t listen to what she is saying when she’s saying it chances are you could be losing out on something that’s really on her mind but at the same time no one likes a blabber mouth. Women be honest with yourselves.
    4.who gives a shit about this whole article? We can’t live with them but like my wife says you can’t live without us.
    “Happy Wife Happy Life”

  • agnt99

    Hi Skapie,
    First off let me say that I am a female, so please don't take offense to what I have to say. Btw, this is NOT in defense of the writer's point of view. But perhaps you might need to know how "they" think in these matters.

    First off, I could barely get past the first paragraph without forcing myself to read on because you immediately sound like ur whining.
    2nd, ur a single 37 year old mother.
    3rd. Next paragraph says, "you know the chemistry was heavy."
    4th. Back to paragraph 1: " and my beautiful little girl what more do I need."
    5th. "Sex talks…sending pictures"
    6th. "I just flipped." (biggie)
    7th. "I apologized and begged him to forgive me."
    8th. "He's 10 years younger than me."

    Ok. So whats wrong with this picture in the eyes of a man? They're different. And although the article is quite distasteful, it is true. Men are that way and I commend the writer for being truthful. So in the eyes and ears of a man, you probably come off as a whiner, insecure, needy, looking for a father, not sure whether ur "miss independent" or looking for more, unstable when u flipped and unrealistic with urself and ur situation cause ur trying to date a man 10 years ur junior. Sounds like u don't have urself together first.

    Unfortunately we women fall into the trap of trying to be all things to men. I am happy to see the posts of women who won't tolerate this crap. So I have to turn into ur perfect doll just so u will notice me? crap.

    What the writer does leave out, though, is that all this "fixing up" of ourselves only serves to put us in his realm of vision, but we are one of many and thats no guarantee of being chosen by him. But if u know anything of the dominant species, then u know it is in their nature to have things their way.

    Ok, so u follow these rules and work hard, lose weight, shut ur mouth, have a great job, etc. What will it get you? Sex. Sex. and More Sex.

    It's just my opinion.

  • conswipe

    Dont dish it if you cant take it. I personally would just laugh and probably ask if I could get some anal since my dick is so small

  • conswipe

    What guy wants to date someone who cant take a joke. Pretty standard.

  • Anonymous

    @April Bell, Isn’t that the point? Surely considering a man’s opinion is a valid way to understand why a man loses interest in a woman?

  • Anonymous

    @TruthBeTold, You are my hero, girl 🙂

  • practicalhappiness.c

    @ me
    If you are aware of the fact that you talk too much, this is already a good start. No one will want to be mean to you and be really serious about calling you on talking too much, but if people even mention it, as a joke or not, it means there is an issue that you need to address. You need to be conscious of the fact that you talk too much and control it. Also, notice how you feel about other people who talk too much. Do they bore you or tire you just by the mere fact that they talk that much? If so, think about how your excessive talking makes others feel the same and it will further encourage you to be more aware of your own talking habits.
    Talking is of course a voluntary action and with a little bit of effort anyone can change their talking patterns.

  • me

    I talk too much… and I've never had a boyfriend. However it's kind of hard to overcome. I am not exaggerating if I say I literally talked before I was able to walk. Guys playfully make fun of me talking too much, but I never see if they really want me to shut up but make a joke out of it in order not to offend me or if they do because they really think it's really funny in a positive way.

  • Anonymous

    im a woman and i know that i exhibit some of the traits that are listed above. however im not offended that the writer has pointed them out as negitive in the dating scene. if women want to improve their dating life they would benifit more from taking advice on board and selectivly concidering it rather than overiding it as stupid misogonistic rambelings. Thanks for the great tips

  • Kurt

    Another big reason why men might lose interest is because the woman didn't make it obvious that she really liked the guy. A woman needs to let a guy who has been asking her out know that she likes him. A lot of women will go out with men whom they don't really like simply because the men are paying for dates and the women are bored or want to tell their friends they are dating – no man wants to be the chump paying for dates for a woman who doesn't like him that much.

    Women shouldn't think that merely showing up for a date is enough of a sign of interest. They should try to ensure that the man has a good time and let him know that he is appreciated. It is amazing how many women don't do this and then wonder why men stop asking them out – a lot of men give up if a woman doesn't seem to exerting enough effort.

  • S Anonymous

    For #7, you can improve this with practice and communication, so I read and heard.

    #1, like that’s not shallow of them!

  • doug

    Its funny that all the women on here sound like over-confident, feminists in their comments. This is obviosly why you can't keep a guys interest, but to have looked this site up you would have to be real insecure, so stop trying to be all confident and powerful when your not. Hell yeah there's a double standard…a girl who's successful and confident and everything and is still down to get into sex is really attractive. You don't have to go rent porn, just be into it, that's all that matters. A real men gets pleasure from pleasing you so it sucks if your dead quiet and uninterested. Btw of course its written by a man… Would you rather read something about this written by a women? Wtf would they know? They'd probably say "just be yourself" "its okay to be a little chubby"


    It’s quite possible. Whether it’s just an excuse to not see you anymore or whether he truly doesn’t have the same feeling for you or he met someone else, there is no reason not to believe what he says. One thing you can do is offer to him to have some time part to figure out how he feels about you. Perhaps there are things in his life that cause stress of confusion.
    Also, if nothing else, his honesty and openness with you about how he feels is admirable.

  • Theresa

    Heyy… anyone who can answer to my comment please answer. I had a boyfriend who I loved alot most people are telling me we werent together long but it was a while and last sunday he broke up with me and said the reason was bc since a week and a half before that sunday he just didnt feel the love anymore for me. Is that possible? If he always told me that he was inlove and we had such a strong relationship and that he wanted to marry me someday that oneday he could just stop loving me? If that is possible does anyone know how love can go away where the guy feels nothing but a friendship and doesnt feel anything more towards me?


    @ Nicole,

    Certainly, personality is huge when it comes to attraction, however by #1 I meant what men notice first in a woman they never met. Obviously, they what what you look like – your face, your body, your body language and your mannerisms long before they get to know your personality. Great looks coupled with good personality is a magic and not that common of a combination. However, if a man is not attracted to a woman physically at all or finds her unattractive physically, no amount of personality will likely make up for it.

  • Lala

    Look, as much as I might not like some of what the author said, he's not completely out of line. Think of it this way..

    When you look good, you feel good. That's what's attractive.

    When you have friends & interests outside of finding mr right then you can say that you control your own happiness & know how to find fulfillment. Meeting the one is just about sharing these things with & having someone back you & love you for who you are.

    I did think that it was hypocritical to say a girl shouldn't talk too much, and then say a girl shouldn't be silent/boring. Truth of the matter is it comes down to how comfortable a girl is right there & then. Eg I personally will talk alot when I'm nervous or if the guy is struggling/ uncomfortable.. I don't want to talk heaps but find I'll ask tons of questions or talk just to make him comfortable. By this stage I'm bored with him too so no hard feelings 😉

    Also if he's a smartarse I'll be a smartarse back. Don't get offended ladies, get even haha.. But seriously it just means that finding someone on your level is what it's all about, whatever your twisted sense of humor is, theres someone out there with an equally twisted sense of humor.

    Next- I care about my work & strive to do it well.. I live on my own, support myself all in all, I'm considered to be independent. But yeah as modern as I am, I love being held too. I won't pretend I don't.

    From reading the article it pretty much sounds like it's based in when meeting someone from the first time.. Not getting to know them. Cannot begin to explain how true this is but guy I fell completely in love with, I wasn't attracted to him at all and never in a million years did I think we'd hook up. He persisted though and his humor, confidence, wit and values somehow made him the hottest man in my eyes.. Like I have never wanted someone in my bed so badly my entire life. When I couldn't resist him anymore & he eventually made it to my bed the chemistry was electric. Is he what i have always pictured good looking to be? No. He's something way better than looks. Ps we're not together anymore and I'm single, not because I did/said the wrong stuff but because he hid that he was in a 5 yr relationship with someone else. Some men are just pricks. Im getting through it but there was nothing I could've done to stop this from happening. He's a full narcissist and still calls to say he's madly in love with me. I hate/love him but that's a whole other story.

    In summary, as cliche as it sounds be happy/confident enough in yourself to not have to think about how you're acting with a guy because if you're just you you're not gonna cone across as having something to prove. All the authors points above come back to the same point.

  • Nicole

    Disagree with Number #1. I have spent a lot of time of late researching books and videos on what turns men on. . . time and time again it has been mentioned that LOOKS are not a priority (any only initially until the ice is broken). What men like is a great personality and great sense of humor.

    To put it at #1…and emphasis it at all is ridiculous. Many famous sex sirens of history, real ones, were not beautiful.

  • MK

    I had a conversation with a male friend about this topic and this is what he said: “Many guys complain that women are too sensitive, too bitchy, too crazy, too uptight, too talkative. Well they need to fucking get over it, that’s how most women are. Men have their fair share of faults too. Men expect women to LOOK feminine and beautiful, but then expect them to ACT like a typical male. If men can’t deal with women for who they are, then they should just turn gay or live a life of celibacy.”


    "The article can sound a little painful to hear but the writer here is speaking the truth. I think those who are still single, not by choice, should pay attention. If you are are stubborn, then you have no one to blame but yourself. Men are by nature very visual whether we like it or not so what harm it do to us women if we make some effort to look good. It’ll make you feel better about yourself when you look into the mirror too. Is it wrong for a woman to want to do things to please the man they love? Think about ladies. Let’s not take the accept me as I am to the extreme. I like to look good for my man and do things to please him but I also expect him to do the same for me. I like playing my feminine role. Don’t want to try to be a man. Try it and you will see men going crazy over you."

    Maggie, you speak true, however, make sure that man IS worthy of you too! Too many times I have let men sexually abuse me because I was a desperate weirdo. Too many times I have let someone a second chance that I should NOT have. TOO many times. It's time you be a mature man (men!) , it's time, if you want to have KIDS. If you want to have a FAMILY. If you want to have that HOUSE and DOG or CAT. Or what have you. Unless you just like dating and being independence, that's good too. But I'm sure you would want to settle down SOMETIME? If not, whatever, just make sure your goals match and you are both EQUALLY attracted.

    Thats all… I don't even know what I'm doing here. Makes me feel so despearate and depressed and sad. so so sad.

  • violet flowers

    Love is an unstoppable freight train….it lasts and lasts, and if it's not there, it's simply not there….not much you can do about it.

  • Mags

    The article can sound a little painful to hear but the writer here is speaking the truth. I think those who are still single, not by choice, should pay attention. If you are are stubborn, then you have no one to blame but yourself. Men are by nature very visual whether we like it or not so what harm it do to us women if we make some effort to look good. It'll make you feel better about yourself when you look into the mirror too. Is it wrong for a woman to want to do things to please the man they love? Think about ladies. Let's not take the accept me as I am to the extreme. I like to look good for my man and do things to please him but I also expect him to do the same for me. I like playing my feminine role. Don't want to try to be a man. Try it and you will see men going crazy over you.

  • practicalhappiness.c

    @Christie. Thank you for your feedback. I very much agree. Everything is good in moderation, including sarcasm. A person who is sarcastic all the time comes across as either a clown or someone who hides his real self behind that "safe" mask.

  • Christie

    having a guy lose interest is definitely a burn to the ego. especially if you're told you are beautiful, and given all this sugar that you're perfect just as you are. I know this is hard, but we're all works in progress. If you tell me I can't take a joke. That's your experience with me. But that's a lot better than being deceived into thinking you are the greatest thing he's ever had, and then cheated on? No that's ok, I'd rather have my ego suffer than my heart or good living..

    And to the person who wrote this, thank you for your honesty. The dark humour one is my only peeve.. I'm cautioning simply not to use it in vain, otherwise all fair game. That dark humour a lot of times mask a lot of insecurities/issues/etc. I'd like my man to be responsible to his feelings as I am to mine. If I trust you enough to let you "in," then I should hold you responsible too, no? If you're not willing to be responsible to yourself, then how to me, my heart, or my … body? lol 🙂


    @danii Thank you for your compelling and entertaining feedback.
    I believe that when refuse to even consider changing themselves they are likely to do a disservice to themselves. IF there are ways in which we can improve or consider improving ourselves, why not do it? After all, we are the ones who would benefit from it. Isn’t this kind of personal growth what makes life all the more interesting and fulfilling?

  • danii

    ladies. do not change yourself to be more attractive to men. sure there are plenty of men who will break your heart but the man you should want to be with will love you no matter what the circumstances are. you may meet him tomorrow or in five years. but do not rush. rushing will only lead you to the wrong men. be patient and the right one will find you. he wont care how much you weigh, he wont mind if you talk to much, and he won't care if you arent good in bed because everyone likes something different. and the more comfortable you become, the more you will know about eachother and learn to please eachother. if a man breaks up with you over any of those reasons then honestly you were better off without him.

    as for the man who wrote this article. i respect you. you are telling it how it is and i bet you don't really care if anyone takes your advice considering you dont know any of them. you have your opinions and so does everyone else (obviously just by looking at all the replies). so you keep on believing your point of view and i trully hope you find someone who is good to you. who knows maybe she will be the exact opposite of this article :P. but i hope you love her just the same. 🙂

    as to my conclusion.. no one can tell someone else who to be and no one should listen. its your own life. do not let someone else take control because i guaruntee you will regret it.

  • womanly

    You know what girls – wisen up and learn how to take good advise when its being offered, that's why a lot of your 30 somethings are still single! On the surface some of this advice offered may seem superficial and unrealistic, but think about it carefully, the writer has offered you an insight into an educated male like mind. Stop whinging about being single and lose the weight! lol… (oh that's my dark humour coming out)

  • proudtobefemale

    so men like “hot gutter trash” but not “gutter trash” so they like “hot” anything really. how incredibly demeaning. they want coy, silent, mysterious so they can be turned on sexually by the allure…who cares about a personality as long as she’s seductive….
    they want rich, sexy, feminine (i.e. made up, dyed blonde) women. jesus christ, who do you guys think you are….where are your values of respect, committment, loyalty and love…is it possible for you to see beyond the possibility of sex on the dating scene and the possibility of enhancing your masculine egos with a gorgeous yet silent submissive (but of course clever and ambitious enough to be earning top dollar – in which case it’s unlikely she’ll be willing to withstand the tedious boredom of having to keep her opinions to herself while her hunk of boring man pontificates ad nauseum so he can feel like a real man lol) what ever happened to values of friendship, respect, mutual engagement in a relationship or if at the dating stage aspiring to such. that’s what it takes to maintain a relationship long term. many of the guys who come on these forums and patronisingly ‘advise’ women on what to do to ‘keep’ them (who the hell would want them anyway – would have to be truly desperate and insecure to put up with the arrogance and hostility) are women hating, immature, sex maniacs. hopefully, it’s the mark of a decent man that most of them don’t bother writing such idiotic misogynistic rubbish as I’ve seen on this post because they don’t believe it and are capable of genuinely engaging with a woman not as an object to enhance them or please them but on a humane level and for her value in herself which is very attractive to a sincere guy who is capable of realising that other people have needs too and it’s not all about him. and it’s true for women too. men are not objects to be ‘caught’ and ‘kept’ either. both genders (but especially men! or at least the ones on this board) need to be more down to earth, humble and realistic in their expectations if they really want to have happy and fulfilling relationships and not just someone who ticks the boxes.

  • practicalhappiness.c


    Thank you for providing your perspective. I want to remind you that the article was only addressing the narrow issue of the most common reasons men lose interest in women sexually. It was not about all the other things that make women attractive and beautiful. It did not call women to be coy or silent.

  • happilymarried

    Geese, gander anyone?

    "Top reasons women lose interest in men:

    1. Hotness Delusion Syndrome, seriously you aren't as good looking as you think you are and even if you were, the fact that that you THINK you are amazing is a turn off.

    2. You don't know how to listen. You are so busy trying to think up ways to impress a woman, you have not heard a word she has said. You haven't learned basic communication skills, attending behaviour, active listening and validation.

    3. You are an ignorant misogynist. Take the joke you were about to say and change reference of women to black/asian/muslim… oh see how that sexism is just as not ok as racism?

    4. You are boring, you do not seek to converse on topics you know little about or explore new fields of knowledge, in which you might have to be the seeker and receiver of knowledge rather than The One Who Knoweth All

    5. You are excessively dependent. I think by the time you are in your 20's you should be able to cook a meal from scratch (not opening a jar), use the washing machine and know how to pick up after yourself. I have no interest in being your mother.

    6. you haven't dealt with the past, seriously take a look at where you fucked up in past relationships and what you need to change to not make the same mistakes in this one.

    7. You have not read the following "Sex at Dawn" or "The anatomy of women's arousal" or even "Great Sex" go learn a little about women's sexuality and then we can talk, until then you will continue to be crap in bed.

    8. You are abusive, controlling and entitled. And you don't realise it. And you think that's perfectly normal and acceptable."

  • Agreed

    I totally agree with this article . Not many women can understand mans outlook and feelings toward a woman. Heed this advice if you’re a woman looking to keep a man.


    It’s probably true that a safer and a more appropriate way to go is not to joke like that. However many women, especially the more funny, sharp and witty ones can take a joke like that, dish out one of their own and banter well, while enjoying it even with the guy who they don’t know very well. Usually this applies to the more mature women.

  • Rick

    Breaking out joke about a girls driving in the beginning of a somewhat developing relationship is not cool to say. Better yet, its not smart. If you know women well, you should know they would take offense to that, which you can’t blame them. For a joke like that to work with a woman. You will have to know her, and for her to be comfortable with you first. Again, talking jokes like that in the beginning is most inappropriate.

  • M

    One thing that I think looses men’s interest is when a lady is on say a dating site, has her IM on and never ever ever responds. Why even have IM if women are so rude, never ever answer back and they use the stupid a** excuse I have too many people. BS!! Thats just a big a** copout. If a guy ask you what up, or whats going on?? I guess that’s a stupid question for women huh????? What and how the eff else do you single women want us men to respond???????? Thats how you get a conversation going.

    So women that are on im be polite, answer back and say something… It’s much better to say something even if it’s hey i’m not interested or hey what’s going on, I’m not interested or I am busy at the moment, or chat with him. Well then fine we will move on and that a much more grown up lady response then just letting him hang and say nothing. Saying nothing and playing those complete BS little girl games is just that, for little GIRLS not grown ups.

    Women these days need to learn to be nicer and act more lady like. It’s a huge turnoff for men when women try and act like men and have that sh*tt* bi*c* attitude. Men run from women/ladies that try and act like men. Nothing worse than women acting like men.

  • anna

    Hi there,

    I think I tick some of the boxes; talk too much, I'm boring,

    maybe not that great in bed, I'm financially independent and successful.

    However I like to communicate about a wide variety of things. If the

    guy finds the subject matter or myself boring or can't contribute to the conversation, well then its not going to work for me either. Verbal communication is important to me like sex is important to a guy.

    Given the reasons you've given above and my past dating experiences,

    I'm not inclined to go out and make any effort to meet and interact with men with the view of finding a partner. While the points in your article are true, it makes me not want to meet men, especially a man like you, which are common. I think this is a shame because I know if a little bit of faith and patience was given to me, I know I could become a better woman. Your article, while truthful and insightful does little to foster what little good will there is between men and women who are dating. It's a shame because I know I could make some man happy but male views such as this put me off entirely. Lonliness is a high price to pay.

  • gettingmedievail

    @Janelle and@Gina … I was going to put in my two sense to the Penis Brains of this post (I know its not a word but, goodness this label is fitting to a large percentage of the male population) but, you two upstanding ladies have perfectly summed up the epitome of the male ego .The very same ego that will perpetuate the "mens" continual unhealthy relationships, and the sad part is the boys will be one day sitting all alone wondering why they are still alone after many heart breaking relationships. Yet still sadly the male driven ego ,will not allow them to grasp that they expected this perfect woman, a woman who does not exist . Of course no woman can be all things to all men but, when yall "men " on this board with your impossible demands expect to have a woman like this ,do you really think she is going to stand by you when you yourself have an ego that will most assuredly kill that special love that you had with her at one time?

  • Gena

    One thing that upsets me about men so much is their doubble standards. They seem to have this ideal image in their mind about what a woman SHOULD be and not what real women are like. Women have to be independant but submissive, classy but sluts in the bedroom, hairless, skinny, polished, put together, witty, charming, funny, exciting and outgoing but also shy and coy. We cant be complete feminists, but we also can't be pushovers and doormats. We can't play hard to get, but we also shouldn't make ourselves seem to avaliable. Yeah of course everyone has standards, but don't expect a woman to be perfect, cause you wil never find the perfect funny, witty, charming, shy yet outgoing, beautiful, fit, independant but submissive, classy, slutty goddess that you envision. Yeah there may be someone who comes close, and maybe there is a woman like this, but do you think this all around amazing woman is gonna be with YOU? She only will be if you're a hot hunk who is well educated, makes good money, is goal oriented, great in bed, funny, charming, interesting, and a gentelman. And wake up men, you're not perfect either, and there is a whooooollleee list of what men do that turn us off! (For starters, you may want to stay away from the sexist jokes unless you already know eachother well and she understands that you're just being sarcastic)

  • lolatthegirls

    There all true. If you have to fight this, it only proves your uptight, and cant agree with what some men think.

  • janelle

    7. Is just dumb plain dumb,but men don't know what they want,they talk a bunch of crap about women being stuck up because they are independent,but yet they want someone independent wtf???. This will hurt a mans feelings but who cares cause men ain't sh*t anyway,women give 98-99% in the relationship and men only give 2% this ain't milk. Men are extremely lazy in relationships,always want women to cook for their ass and submit and obey them. GET REAL if you have 2 hands,5 fingers, 2legs,2 feet and 5 toes get your asses up and do something in the kitchen,clean the bathroom,take out the trash. Men spend way too much fu**ing time looking for women to do everything,and then when she don't they wanna get mad and call women lazy. News flash for men a woman doesn't need to change for you,she doesn't need to make you happy because its not all about you,men are selfish bastards who continue to make women act the way they act because they do stupid sh*t to us. And then they expect women to trust them after she's been through so much hurt,pain,abuse as a child and as an adult. Every woman isnt gullable to believe what comes out your mouth,some of us have been there done that and won't tolerate it again.

    Sad to say if men keep it up majority of women will either do 3 things, #1 she will turn gay, ( after all the bullshit games men play men become unattractive to us),#2 she will still like men but won't take them seriously,#3 she will stay single for as long as possible,avoiding all men because they discust her to the extreme no matter how cute or good they look.

  • hrm

    @amber: hahahahaha so true

  • Frank

    This guy is pretty spot on. I am a man that has been on a lot of dates. I have a high status job, a good life, and am very good looking. I dress nice and am usually the life of the party talking to everyone. I consider myself to be a man that has many options when it comes to women. Now this article is pretty spot on. I would say that i prefer a woman who has a good job and is very successful. In fact, a girl who owns a business is a turn on for me. But and this is a very big BUT. If a woman cannot act like a woman and she tries to change plans or wants to pay for everything because she is so independent, or a girl who has to take the lead, this is an extreme turnoff for me. Now i am not talking about what is FAIR and how society SHOULD BE but, rather, i am talking about what ATTRACTS most men. I want a woman on my date not a man. A woman should be coy and mysterious not too talkative. Men want challenge. An uptight woman is like a nightmare. I like to playfully tease a lot. And if a woman gets too offended or she rants later on how pissed off she got, its a deal breaker for me. Now not all of these are deal breakers for a lot of men, but they certainly are turnoffs.

  • 707/Anon, you might be on to something. I was visiting my old town in Oregon, and checked out girls online. Being on the East Coast with a good career I'm used to dating moderately attractive to gorgeous model girls, and don't worry too much about looks as long as she's decently pretty and fit and we're having fun. Now I look at all the girls in Oregon on online dating, and they're rotund, or bizarrely pierced and unwholesome. It's unhealthy and disgusting. Even if you just wanted sex I don't know that one could get it up for a lot of these ladies, and you could hardly build a good and healthy lifestyle with them.

    As for women here that are in some denial complaining. Well in public feminism won so guys won't say what they feel, things that are considered rude. But sex appeal is instinctive, and your complaining and having low standards won't ever make a guy attracted to you. Look at the women in Ukraine, hot as hell since they know they have to work to get a good guy. Take care of their bodies. Same deal here a lot of guys are just emasculated pussies so they don't bother to set a bar for any women, so they can never get attractive ladies.

    Women the bottom line is men are masculine and strong and women are feminine and beautiful. What we want is a pretty girl who is nice, feminine and submissive in attitude yet with a good career, happy with herself, who has friends, and shares common interests with us. Bonus points if she's an enthusiastic whore in the bedroom but loyal to you. It's great to reflect your personal style in a way that's hot and not freaky or feminist or masculine. Socioeconomic standing is attractive — no guys want gutter trash unless it's really hot gutter trash. Girls who are bi and will go to a threesome are attractive, but we won't commit to you unless you will be faithful (or if it's an open relationship follow the terms of it).

    Maybe women don't like to hear it, or guys too who would rather say they are in touch with their feminine energies and they like giant fat cows. But this is sex appeal and if you're a man you have to be a man, if you're a woman you have to be a woman. Or else face it, you will date someone repulsive. Welcome to reality. Fuck political correctness, the West was better as the Wild West.

  • A_Man

    As above, these things are true. Granted, the physical appearance thing is possibly a bit off – if he doesn't find you physically attractive, there wouldn't be a first date. Also, appearance isn't just some stupid shallow bizzo either – evolutionarily speaking, guys want healthy looking women to bear their children. Yes, healthy – not stick thin. Of course, everyone has different preferences on body shape – I personally have a pretty wide range… I digress.

    Having a great smile can really help too – not necessarily perfect teeth or whatever, just an honest, appreciative smile can make the crappiest day seem better.

    If you can't have a laugh at common misconceptions of the different sexes abilities (i.e. women can't drive, men can't cook etc) then pick something else to tease about. For pete's sake, don't get upset and overreact. Just steer the jokes away from that.

    IMPORTANT: guys don't actually care about penis size (cos hey, we still get off), but if you start cracking personal jokes like that, he will automatically assume that body issues aren't a big deal for you – read, he'll start dishing some back.

    And yes, an overly confident and secure woman is just as unattractive as a submissive man, for the same reasons – they are acting like the opposite gender. If we wanted to date a man, we would. Yup, (a little) submissiveness is what we're looking for. Call me sexist all you want, it's a fact.

    Finally, if you choose to ignore all the above sentences, remember that just as you find things attractive in a man, men find things attractive in a woman. It might not make sense for either gender, but men and women think very differently. Someone wrote this article for your benefit, not to try and trip you.

  • Nikki

    Wait a minute… So, women are on here bashing the idea that a MAN probably wrote this? Hold on, wouldn't that make more SENSE!? Hello, you're wondering why MEN lose interest in women and that's why you came here, is that not correct? WHO BETTER to tell you WHY than a man!? *LIGHT BULB*

    Women can speculate all they want about whether or not a man left her for this or that, but truth be told, unless you have an honest and open break up with no gray areas – you probably won't know the truth for what it is, even if it smacked you in the face without him HAVING to tell you.

    Women are emotional creatures – we always make excuses or try to reason with ourselves. FACE IT, the things that the author wrote are absolutely correct. AND IT GOES BOTH WAYS. Women, look at it this way: Do you want a physically unattractive man that is not only boring, but does everything to defy you and sucks in the sack? Get a grip! What makes these observations false? Because a man stated them? Please, honey! Either your fat or you suck in bed, you're quite possibly boring and easily offended. Get a grip.

    For myself, I know that I've been overly insecure, let my physical appearance go a little and then let the insecurities that came with that dampen any potential of having a healthy relationship. I know I've thought someone was serious while joking and I've gotten offended. At times, I've had absolutely nothing interesting to say and I can't say that I'm Jenna Jameson in bed.

    My revolution? Yes, REVOLUTION… My marriage. I'm physically fit to a T and in the best shape of my life, I only compete with my husband during our Halo: Reach game sessions, I'm open to everything you could think of in bed with the exception of any additional members (no three ways for me, thanks) and we are intellectually on a level in which neither of us feel insecure or dominated.

    Ladies, re-evaluate the reason you clicked the lead to this article or suck it up and take it for what it is.


    Thanks! I never was able to put it in so many words but I couldn’t agree more – making fun of many taboo subjects relieves the tension around them and points out some really funny things in our or any other society.

  • Lovestruck woman

    Yes I can tell that this was wrote by a man, but I also think he makes a good point. You can be a feminine woman without being submissive and subservient, while also keeping your independence. God made you a woman embrace it. And I think he is right about dark humor. The humor can relieve the tension around a subject.

  • Joe D

    Yes of course the article was written by a man, do you really think a woman could be a expert on what men feel or think about such a subject like this, duh. Of couse there are some guys who might not agree with some of these thoughts I’m pretty confident most guys would agree if they’re not scared of being honest. See some guys will say certain things because they’re scared they’ll upset the woman they’re with or they’ll alienate themselves from potential women for having those thought that puts women in a not so perfect light. I really hate the thought that I hear so much about men maturing slower than men. What is the final determination they used to come up with that study? Is it because men like to have fun and enjoy life instead of being so uptight and worry about what other people think about them? That doesn’t sound mature. Not saying women are across the board immature or more immature than women, I’m just saying women are just as immature as men they just do it in a different lowkey way.

  • will

    Listen people! When people have things that they are pleased with themselves about then they do not and will not see a problem with their image even if it is conflicting with others. Its called mirror imaging. You attract people like you and get along with people like you. We look at it that all others have a big problem with themselves not ourselves. Truth is we are people with non perfect issues that can’t see beyond our own world not to change but to accept what is different- not flaud. this article does have fact in it. Accept it and believe that there is no one quick fix on anything. I would be a fool to think i don’t have flaws and that i cant change not for someone else but change towhat i should have learned about a long time ago being the top species on this planet and able to adapt and learn. Lack of understanding and knowledge is in everyone – we are so limited. Accepting anything that you view is wrong and adding it to your character even if it is viewed as wrong don’t make you wrong or right it is just makes you versatile/adaptive. People tell me things about myself alot as the same with you people. Fact is it is accessible and debatable, bt possibly true to a small to large degree. I would believe it unless the person is truly diagnosed as mental. Most times people it is you and not the person that can’t adapt. Notice i said adapt. I did not say most times it is you and not the person that has a problem. We blame others for what has worked for us scince we were knee high when we meet someone different. Truth- it has worked because we are always around similar people like us and we adapted our personality to fit the environment. Leave the environment meet other people and you ind that youare the one that is still in the envionment you left and haven’t adapted to the new one you engaged in now. Its called expansion to meet your needs personally.

  • jackie

    First, thank you for putting forth your thoughts from a mans perspective, however, you are speaking from your own and maybe some other men's perspective. There are men out there that actually like BBW and with that I will say, a women still needs to take care of herself and be the most beautiful woman she can be both inside and out 🙂 Sex: Communication is the key, alot of people both men and women do not say what they want in sex, either because they are too shy or are afraid of rejection. If you cant talk about it then maybe your not ready for it. Your right that men need to know that they are needed and wanted and their opinion and help are valued. In all of this men and women both have needs, the question is are both willing to give what the other person needs in order that both may be fulfilled?? Myself I give effort to give my man what he needs not because I want to or he deserves it(sacrifice) but because I love him and I want him to be happy and I want us to be happy 🙂

  • Kenneth

    A worthwhile article. I agree with much of it.

    The weight issue: this isn't necessarily about vanity. A dude isn't automatically shallow because he's not attracted to heavy women. Health is attractive, inside and out, physical and mental, and being overweight is not healthy. Nothing repels me, a man, more than a gal with bleached blonde hair, artificially tan skin, fake boobs, and a skinny body with a flat butt. That said I don't find excess fat attractive either. Sure, guys can be attracted to heavy girls, but shaving off whatever weight you can makes you even more attractive and as the author points out, will benefit almost every aspect of your life. Losing weight means having more energy and consequently a clearer mind and happier disposition. A cranky, negative, and tired person is a turnoff. On the other hand if a heavier gal is able to be warm and funny despite her physical obstacles, it can go a long way in her attractiveness. I find it unfortunate if a heavier gal has been hurt by shallow men and allows it to diminish her self-esteem because a man really will find her more attractive if she values herself despite the weight.

    I tend to agree with the point about being uptight or being offended by edgy humor. While I don't find the joke about women driving particularly funny, for a woman to be bitter about it for a day and demand an apology is pretty ridiculous. But if a guy expects a woman to laugh at envelope-pushing humor, it should be y'know…humorous 8^]

    Overly feminist: I've seen this manifest in the form of reverse-misogyny (misandry). Some women believe that men as a rule are usually wrong in arguments, basically that the default position is the woman being correct simply because men have been so abusively patriarchal throughout history. Some women consider female emotions to be inherently more delicate and more worthy of consideration than males', and women don't need to worry about hurting men's feelings; it's only the woman's feelings that matter. It's as if some women have to compensate for yesteryear's grievances and will take it out on decent men who've treated women with nothing but respect their whole lives. I have ejected female friends from my life because of these attitudes. They are ignorant, infuriating attitudes and are totally at odds with the equality these women are supposedly advocating.

    Victim of past: Some overlap with the feminist point but I'm right on board with it. In my estimation few things are more tragic than abusive incidents in a woman's past. It's difficult to understand how deeply these things have effected women and strains logic to presume that they won't influence their present relationships. Of all the points in the article I'd guess that this is the most difficult one for women to control or even realize it's effecting their r'ships. Women with PTSD for example will often relive past traumas after certain "triggers" are fired. Some women will also be unable to emotionally connect with a male because in the past the person who hurt them was a person they deeply cared for, so as an avoidance mechanism they resist connecting with men. This is not a good way to secure relationships so obviously these women find it difficult to find guys who will stick around.

    This can manifest as the woman seeming to be very self-preoccupied; she is trying to establish a connection so presents herself to the guy in a self-centered way because she is not allowing his heart and mind into her own in order to avoid repeated heartache. I don't know what women can do about this short of professional therapy.

    I believe (and my wife agrees) that women do actually want to be dominated to an extent by their male partner. But it has to be a with someone with whom they feel safe and who is in an otherwise equal partnership with her. But a woman who has been abused has been dominated by men without her consent. Once she finds a decent man, she wants him to sometimes take the aggressive role with her. But due to the abusive males in her past, once the decent man takes the aggressive role, she shuts it off and insists that the man not "tell her what to do," or the like. It's as if her natural desire to be dominated by her equal partner has been crippled by the a-holes in her past and the experience of it is soured. A beta-male friend of mine is dating a gal who tells him to take charge and be in control of what they do, but once he does she becomes angry and insists he not tell her what to do. It's a paradox that she found someone meek and respectful so she opens her heart and wants the dominant side to come out but she reflexively associates alpha-male behavior with hurtful men; she hasn't learned how to healthfully receive the dominant trait.

    I don't know about the pornography idea, lol. The women actors in those are so phony with the noises and the things that supposedly get them off. I can see right through inauthentic sex noises. I think it's best when both parties communicate their sex desires to each other (not during the act necessarily). A solid r'ship means freedom to discuss what each other likes in bed and since people have unique tastes, the best source of information is the person on top of or underneath you.

    Thanks for the article!

  • Talzhemir

    This article is major one fail after another. Here’s a quick example. That crack about women driving? Kidding is normally reserved for people THAT YOU KNOW FAIRLY WELL FIRST. You don’t tease strangers, you tease friends. Teasing a stranger is extremely rude. So don’t assume that a woman taking it badly means she has no sense of humor.

  • josh

    @ Talzhemir

    You cannot be serious. If you are out with someone who you just met, and he says obviously something so sarcastic to tease and entertain you, you would actually take offense to that? I do not know how old you are, but if you are anywhere over 20 years old, you should reconsider taking things like that so personally.

  • miss kitty

    I think if I had read this and was 30 I wouldn't "get it" like I do now at 50. I agree with the author. We could save ourselves so much grief if we would not jump from one bad right into another bad relationship with some dude we know nothing about. Ladies, please take some time to rest up between dudes and know where you were wrong and learn what you like n need and then go out and look for the next one with some standards that will enhance your life not confuse and ruin your life. BE HAPPY-TAKE A CLASS-BE ALWAYS LEARNING AND PAY ATTENTION TO CURRENT EVENTS. Watch porn but only the stuff you yourself are willing to do. it makes sense to me. Don't bring gloom into a room and don't ruin the party for people. Don't be a complainer be a doer!

    Last ladies- don't judge other's and don't be a bad woman either. Go for single men only and never ex's of friends or relatives. You will be happy and dudes will want to date you

  • Adriana

    Hmmm… Well the article is a bit blunt and shallow but, I see where the author is coming from & ill try to keep your advice in mind (though I disagree with a few things) I tooo, as a woman have standards, when it comes to men. while, I like to believe my standards are not shallow… Id be lying if I said they werent, even just a bit. :/ there is no such thing as perfection and we are all guilty of shallowness in one way or another. Also, BOTTOM LINE to everyones opinions and arguements: WOMEN will forever think like WOMEN; MEN will forever think like MEN. The best thing to do would to just be more considerate of the opposite sex n understand its a battlw that will never be won! Good luck to you all!

  • Raindrop

    I’m a pretty down to earth person.

    However: If my car broke down, I’d probably be pretty peeved about that already. Then add on a guy cracking a sexist joke expecting a laugh when my FREAKING CAR just broke down? Uh – no. Sorry. Hah, and the guy thought it had to do with him. Freaking hilarious.

    I mean, that joke didn’t even make sense. Her car broke down – not crashed – but broke down, and he made a joke saying it’s about the way she drove it? If anything, he should’ve said, “That’s what happens when a woman takes care of a car.” Hell, at least it might’ve had a chance of having the 50% truth rule to it.

    Hell, maybe she was annoyed because she’d heard the same joke over and over again – Every woman has. “Oh ho ho, you’re so funny! Where did you learn that extremely witty and hilarious joke from?” I mean, come on. If she wanted a funny guy, it definitely wouldn’t be him. That would be like giving a guy who used a pick-up line a second glance. Uh, no – negative.

    I’m so lucky that my SO is actually witty and wouldn’t stoop his humor to an over-used, sexist, ‘I’m just copying my friend’s jokes because that will make me cool in my head’ kind of joke.

    All I can say for that guy is: Lame.

    /end rant.

  • Onthefence

    Firstly I'm female. Unfortunately I can believe many of these points to be true after speaking to many of my male friends about this sort of thing previously. Guys can have these reasons but so can women. I've heard many women talk about how ugly a guy is and they wouldnt go near him with a ten foot pole etc etc, or that they were boring, or cocky or SOMETHING that is just part of who that person is. There are many people out there that arent as superficial, but there are more that are, and thats just how it is sometimes. You arent going to click with everyone you meet. However I do dissagree with the weight thing, I know quite a few guys that like the bigger ladys over the slimmer ones. Personal preferance, but if you get dumped… it probably is for something superficial sadly….

  • Curious

    This article and the subsequent comment leave me more confused. I wonder what exactly more interesting in bed means and then I realize what was meant by the comment is act like you are in a porno. What if you dont watch porno? Before men started watching those things, all women had to be was average looking or better, and THERE. Men expect women to act like the ho in some xrated movie, but they dont want the type of girl who watches it. They dont want their woman to be some cheap slut, but that is what they are attracted to. An as far as the bad driving comment, this author wants a woman who will playfully put up with verbal abuse. Its not that the author meant it as a joke. If it was meant as a joke it would be said with a smile and a Nah just kidding! But what if the shoe was on the other foot? How does it feel to live in a world where your worth is based on what you look like, and how slutty you act, instead of the fact you have a loving personality and a beautiful caring heart? Im not saying looks dont matter, but it shouldnt be the most important thing. Ive been married for 8 yrs, and I know my husband loves me, but society has created this nagging fear that if I gain weight or Im not pencil thin with big boobs, a tan and a dingy, “tease” type personality will my husband still love me or no? That is sad. It is sad to women that men have this perfect type and if they see flaws they think you must not be the one and move on to something else. It was never meant to be that way.

  • Ben

    Women who are bad in bed are the worst just got out of a relationship with one. Dead silence, doesn’t move much, sexual hung-ups, inhibition shyness lack of initiation & imagination, never masturbated etc etc. It is very easy to loose interest in these types and love alone is not enough to hold the couple together. I gave it 3 years and nothing changed, at all.

  • Snowdrop

    I think the article is largely true but that it applies to both men and women. I have rejected men for some of the reasons stated – boring, poor love-making, competitiveness (which I find unattractive in both men and women). In relation to weight – I don't think it's shallow – physical fitness and health are attractive, period. One thing not mentioned but which I think is a red flag to basically everyone is neediness. But again, in my experience men are just as prone to this as women. Maybe the article should just be retitled – Things that are generally a turn off early on in a relationship?

  • Adam

    I think it's a well written article. You guys should know though, it's probably written a little bit more geared to the women who want to get the upper percentile of men though. I generally look for alot of these qualities in women. Except, however, I do often like women who are a little bit chubby. It makes women more womanly in my mind ^_____^ (granted with good style, cute face, good skin, etc.)

  • Truth be told to the

    Pssh. All this just to get a baby?!!!

    Not worth it.

    This is what's called CONDITIONAL LOVE/LUST.

    Truth hurts. but one day they will be bald and ugly and fat as well…..

    with NO LOVE from the women they WAnt.

  • Schadenfreudian_Slip

    So…when men dare describe their likes and dislikes, women circle the vaginas and act offended. There you go: when the shoe is on the other foot, many of you show you cannot handle debate with an objective point of view. You make the writer's point for him.


    I too think that the ratio between men and women makes a difference. If the ration is balanced, rather than male dominated, there are more women to choose from for men, and women tend to have less “attitude” or less “guards” as they don’t have quite as many options as in areas where there are way more men than women.

  • 702

    Sounds like you live in the Las Vegas area or somewhere on the west coast like I do Anon. I learned how the men to women ratio on the west coast is around 3 to 1 so I think women can be more picky therefore a lot more single men. I’ve had a hell of a time finding a lasting relationship with a woman lately which is probably due to the fact that I’m unemployed but even when I was working I never got the quality woman I was looking for. Women on the west coast are more shallow I find. I’m hoping I can land a job in DC where the single women to men ratio is like 3 to 1.

  • Anon

    I don’t undermine the equality, and I do appreciate intelligent women, but I also live in a heavy state with liberal ideal’s, and extreme feminist backlash, it reminds me of the old adage “is the juice worth the squeeze”, to this respect I’d say no most of the time. When you live in a region where most girl’s act like men, and most men act like scene-kid trash, and your the few of a masculine breed of men left standing, it is hard to find common ground with society.

    Not to say there isn’t good fish in the sea, just finding the one’s that don’t leave a miserable aftertaste is something to be longed for.

  • la luna

    i was in a relationship w/ an ex bf for 3 years and never had any communication with him after the break up. he never called me, i never called him up; i was hoping he would call me up. the break up was my fault, i overreacted. I made myself very busy and never thought of calling him up. But 8 years after the break up i called him up and told me he was already married for 4 years now and has an 8 month old child. ; i was very disappointed and hurt about hearing he was already married. I regretted not calling him earlier when i might have had a chance to reconcile with him. Now i am depressed and mourning over my loss. i regretted i even called after 8 years. was i right or wrong in calling him after 8 years? what do you think of him not calling me at all after the break up?

  • Dumbass

    Seriously, who ever wrote this is single and lives in their parents basement, and probably has been blown off by every female he has ever spoken to.

    This quote comes to mind:

    I think… no, I am positive… that you are the most unattractive man I have ever met in my entire life. You know, in the short time we've been together, you have demonstrated EVERY loathsome characteristic of the male personality and even discovered a few new ones. You are physically repulsive, intellectually retarded, you're morally reprehensible, vulgar, insensitive, selfish, stupid, you have no taste, a lousy sense of humor and you smell. You're not even interesting enough to make me sick

  • practicalhappiness.c

    Hello, Chris. Your observations are both true from my experience and entertaining. I think people who have "high standards" for others but not nearly as high standards for themselves come across as annoying and out of touch in reality, whether it's men, women, and whether it concerns dating, work, etc… The kind of hypocrisy that you describe is just rather one common example of that. If we had a dime for every person who says that they are not materialistic and don't care about money, to only find out that they are all about labels and showing off….

  • Chris

    I don’t agree with everything on the list, but a few things. That doesn’t mean they don’t apply to somebody. A lot of people today seem to think that if something doesn’t apply to them then it must be total bullshit (cough cough). I have dated many women who love to talk about equality and their independence, but when the check comes they are nothing but smiles. Dump. I have dated many girls who demand an exciting man, yet they have no hobbies besides shopping. Dump. A women who claims that men are shallow when it comes to choosing a mate yet have a large collection of Brad Pitt and Mathew McConaughay movies (for their personality obviously). Dump. Many women today want it all, without the drawbacks. I’m sure there are plenty of shit men too. However, I don’t date men, only women, and can only say how glad I am to be living healthy and single!

  • practicalhappiness.c

    Good points. First, I am sure that some women do leave guys who don't make them happy in bed, and the one who don't might be feeling unhappy or unsatisfied. If you are naturally quiet, it's not a problem. Perhaps you have other ways to show that you enjoy intimacy. Or… perhaps your partner doesn't really care about you being quiet. About experience – it's true that guys want it both ways. I guess moderation, like in many other things, is the key. Having some experience is not a bad thing. A virgin is not an ideal situation for a secular guy and so is a former porn star, but there are many other options in between obviously.

  • Jen

    I think I'd didn't like the sex partner thing. Cuz, not only are your expectations too high but men can be bad in bed too and women don't dump them for it. Problem is, I'm naturally quiet (unless you're hurting me) so sometimes noise is a bad thing! Also, I'm inexperienced. Men say they like girls who don't sleep around but then they expect them to be good in bed! Take your pick! Do you want sluts who are awesome at sex or those who've slept with few and will not be good at it? Be realistic, please.

    And for someone like me, i tend to say slightly inappropriate things all the time but you need to know that women have faults. so for the sex thing, thats just not on. You're nasty in your approach cuz you're saying 'you're ugly' 'you're boring'. thats not going to help anyones self esteem. Talk like that will convince women to put out less and you will suffer for it! its more about if they TRUELY like you – they will stick by you.

  • TruthBeTold

    omg, this is rich~ While the article and subsequent response posts are somewhat amusing, something should be said for those of our population who lack depth and substance and even more so for those who have plenty of it.

    There’s a happy medium to be had here but it doesn’t exist in this writer’s constitution, who is clearly not, (for those who are curious), a man ~but somewhat of an unfortunate arse. If you don’t think this assessment has merit, let’s rewrite the article, TRANSPOSING the men and the women reference and the women’s lib paragraph with one that suffers through the same in a man who subscribes to such ideas that a woman’s place is in a kitchen, she has to be thin after giving birth three times, while he allows himself to become overweight, etc., and you’ll have no choice but to agree, it’s off base and character comes into play here.

    Dear author, this may come as a shock to you, but it works BOTH ways.

    (Besides, have you ever stopped to think how often one can observe examples of beautiful women who were married to men who let themselves go and men who somehow have the idea that the description ‘average-sized’ means having a beer gut? Or speak incessantly and arrogantly ad nauseam about their narrow views? Please? They’re out there.)

    Thankfully, there are a plethora of terrific men in the world who would sooner seek what potential a woman has to offer well past two or three dates rather than to dismiss her for the above mentioned excuses, as the writer evidently practices.

    For the real gentlemen, we know who you are and are ever so thankful for your existence, honorable intentions and your patience in taking the time in order for us to get to know one another… it brings us closer, we can learn what we need to have a good relationship together and we appreciate you.

    And to the poor, unfortunate sycophant who had penned the original article, before you assume I might resemble any of your ‘top reasons’? Don’t. I work diligently to be toned and slender, very easy on the eyes, a good conversationalist, educated and very much a lady; probably just one of the few ‘lucky ones’ you’d wish you could date more than once…

    (Though it wouldn’t have happened, as I’d have seen your true colors in short order. At the point you’d have sensed this, you’d probably not attempt another date but instead, assign one of your above ‘labels’ to me to assuage your your bruised ego.)

    That said, you might do well by taking the time to do some introspective study of your modus operandi before all the good ones are gone. But, wait, don’t run off and pout yet, there is actually one positive attribute one might raise to give credit your logic, and that is it probably spared many lovely women from having wasted too much of their valuable time with you, giving more for the deserving men who do have substance. You can change if you really wish it, surely there must be at least one woman out there who wants to have faith in your motives.

    Please consider being more broad-minded in your next commentary, hmm? It would not only appear more attractive but would be far more worthy of sharing.

    Thank you.


  • TruthBeTold


    I apologize up front as this may be cold comfort to you at the moment, but this is the best thing that could have occurred before you wasted any more of your precious time. He was very likely only using you without having any real intention of carrying on a true relationship at any point. In hindsight, you'll notice everything seemed perfect while he was having a a 'great time' with you, that is until you dumped 'drama' on him, which is why he's 'out of there' so instantly. Someone who really had true feelings for you would not behave in this manner and you know it. YOU KNOW IT.

    He's gone, if only for the time being as he warns you he 'needs time', to decide if he's 'up to it again'… so remember what I'm telling you here!! No matter how difficult it might be, should it happen and he approaches you to continue this exchange you've been having, DO NOT, under any circumstances take back up with this character, as it is likely he removed himself from the situation when you became upset as to not be found out that you were only one of his many. He's trying to throw it all back on you but in reality it is his mechanism to keep from being found out, whatever he is. You have no idea how much of what he says is accurate and true. Trust me on this, do not mess with him again. I'm sorry, as I am sure reading this must hurt you and I send you virtual hugs as you go on…

    You are probably a very genuine, sweet, giving and loving woman. Unfortunately, there are millions of predators online (yes, consider the especially highly disgusting, dirty old men pedophiles), who do nothing with their retirement time but pilfer through the very public photo albums that people post online. They steal their images to falsely present themselves to victims using the likeness of those unwitting participants in their game with you and your heart. Is he really all that and ten years younger? Think about it. YOU DON'T KNOW. Go online yourself. Choose a persona and see how easy it is to pop into someones photo bucket and steal their lifetime of photo memories that they have posted there! It's too easy to do and predators are very adept at it.

    Of course, this is not to say that EVERY man associated with an online connection must be considered undeserving of your trust and respect. Definitely not! I met my husband online, 13 years ago. However, going forward, don't waste any time before meeting an online suitor in person before you get too emotionally involved. DO THIS VERY CAREFULLY with COMMON SENSE and great caution> if a man has honest intentions and is on the up and up, he should have zero issues with meeting you in a public place and if he has traveled, taking a hotel suite rather than following you to your home for a night cap. Many points to his credit if he suggests to carry on that way until you get to know each other better. Never put yourself in an isolated situation, let friends and family meet him. How he reacts to your very suggestion of meeting friends/family alone would be a good test of his true intentions.

    If the feeling is mutually expressed, realize that you should be able to call each other ANY TIME (reasonably speaking, of course) of the day or night. (If he gives you strict instruction to the contrary, he might have something to hide that will break your heart). Any other restriction on communication should be a huge red flag for you, no matter how they explain their situation away. Don't fall for it. TRUST your intuition, don't let emotions cloud your judgment (this is easier said than done so worth mentioning).

    If at ANY point there is a hint of doubt in your mind about the situation, trust your gut instinct and move on no matter how smooth he might be. DO NOT let the wonderful feeling of 'being in love' mask what is common knowledge. That is, with the advent of Internet exchanges, if you haven't met the man, especially if he puts up barriers to this happening, you simply can't be certain he is who he says he is or that he really exists as someone worthy of your affections.

    I hope that you will chalk this up to 'lessons learned' as you are still very young and can move on to a very fulfilling relationship with someone deserving of you when the time is right. Best wishes.

  • amber

    how could you not expect that joke to have backlash?

    lol, maybe we should joke about their penis size – if they feel awkward, then they're probably too uptight ladies.

  • Skapie

    Okay, Guys then tell me what is wrong with me, that he dumped me, or me him?

    I am a single mother (37year old),very spontaneous and take live as it is, and never felt that I will fall in love again, but I did. It did not really bother me to seek someone in my life again, It is me and my Beautiful little Girl, what more did I need. But one day I met this guy, I were on a chat room via mobile and all of a sudden he invited me and we started chatting and we laughed a lot, it felt as if I were next to him. Then later as our friendship grew the conversations went in to another direction. We had sex talks texing each other and I felt the same as he did and he started phoning me privately asking how my day is and that he his phoning me because he misses me. Eventually I told him via sms, that I feel what he his feeling and if he feels the same.

    You know the Chemistry was heavy. There weren't a day that has gone by that we told each other that I missed him and he misses me or love each other. Some times we chatted til 3am in the morning and even send pictures of ourselves and things were still the same, until one day I just flipped and told him that he should not be rude to me, but if that is the case I will make it easier for him, because of the way he treated me the one night felt like he had enough and I ended it. The next morning I felt really bad and apologize and begged him to forgive me. It was foolish of me. He did not answer any of my sms. Until I asked him if he really does not have any more feelings for me, he must let me now. O and one-thing you should know…

    He is 10 years younger than me, His answer via sms is as follows: I am not interested thank you, I do not forgive and forget so easily, I need time, I will let you know when I am up to it again.

    So please tell me what did I do wrong? And is there still hope?, cause meeting him was fate, becoming his friend was choice but falling in love with him was out of my controle. We even had plans to move in together.. and meeting each other for the first time.

  • kofybean

    Oh, almost forgot. The top two reasons why men lose interest is because

    a)too many women reading too many sites like this and play too many games, guys lose patience in that childish crap and bounce.

    b)Woman play too hard to get, and when the guy gets her and see she isn't worth half the effort he put into it… see ya!

  • kofybean

    @April: Of course it was written by a man, the title is why MEN lose interest. You expect a woman to write why men lose interest? You are deluded.

    @Soozie: If men believe what's written here?! This article isn't written for men, its written for women. You are saying if men don't have standards they will always be single? What a child.

  • Jay

    Well, the first one is a bit inaccurate because my mom is a big lady, yet she’s very beautiful and has tons of men fighting for her attention. Number three is relative; it depends what kind of joke is made. If is a joke that offends religions or ethnicities, I will not like it. Number five is confusing; men complain when women are “clingy”, but they also complain when they aren’t. Boy, are they stupid or what?! Number seven depends; the first time I had sex with my guy I was in my period and the condom broke right before climax, but we kept doing it. It became better, and better eventually.

  • soozie

    Just remember guy’s its a woman that decides if you have sex or not, sucks doesn’t it ha ha. By the way this site is total crap, men if you believe what’s written here you will always be single.

  • carlos

    very well put. there are so many cases where the reason is NOT the woman but when it is, these really are the reasons. it wouldnt make sense to write a list where the main purpose was to write what women want to hear!


    Some would probably be offended, while others would find it funny, smack a guy playfully and say something similarly sarcastic to play along. I guess that’s what distinguishes an easy going person from the uptight one.

  • RR

    I might be wrong about this, but I'm pretty sure most women would be offended by that "women driving" comment. Seriously? Don't you think the obvious gender bias in our society is a bit too strong to be cracking jokes about? It comes off as crass and uneducated.


    Of course, it’s a tall order and a lot to a expect, but the women who combine professional ambition and success with real confidence along with femininity that doesn’t require them to try to be and act like a man, and prove that they can be everything a man can. This combination of qualities makes these women very desirable to men. I often do not hesitate to ask them why they are different. Interestingly enough, some of them say that every woman would act feminine and desirous to please with the right man who can bring it out on her. I, of course, wouldn’t know if that’s the case.

  • viv

    April, I agree! What a joke. I don’t know a single woman that would want to be this meek, subservient,adoring,submissive, yet money earning sex siren ‘lady’ in the 21st century! Whoever wrote this drivel, get real. Women (and men) have moved on.

  • April Bell

    LMAO!!! This site was obviously created by a man!