If you were to ask a typical man what he finds most attractive in women and what is looking for the most in a woman as a potential dating and relationship partner, he would probably tell you that he wants someone sweet, easy going, attractive, honest, caring, etc. If all that and more could be summarized in one word, it would be femininity. The vast majority of men are naturally attracted and driven sexually and otherwise to women who are feminine. If only defining what femininity is was that easy. The formal definition of femininity is a good start, but it doesn’t really get you far in understanding what makes one woman appear more feminine than the other. I believe that the femininity consists of three components: 1. Physical; 2. Behavioral; 3. Mental.
1. Physical Aspects of Femininity
The physical aspects of femininity include a woman’s body and body type, hair and hair style, and her dress style. A woman who has a more attractive body physically (wider hips, narrower waist, softer and smoother skin, thicker lips and eye brows, moderate height etc..) will likely come across as more feminine. Feminine style of clothing, such as wearing skirts and dresses will also contribute to a woman’s physical femininity more than a unisex attire. Being a tom boy on the inside and not minding breaking is great, but if you dress like a tomboy, you will take away a lot from your feminine energy. The other physical aspects of femininity which is almost as important as a woman’s body is her voice. A softer, more sensual voice will make a woman more feminine, while a lower, harsher voice will make her less feminine. If you just walk around and listen to different women’s voices, you will notice that there is a vast difference in the softness of voice between different women. A few men (including myself) would tell you that a voice alone, that’s really unattractive, can be a deal-breaker.
2. Behavioral Aspects of Femininity
The behavioral aspects of femininity involve a woman’s mannerisms, such as body language, demeanor, eye contact, and how she uses the language. The more aggressive a woman is with her body language and voice, the less feminine she will generally appear. Being a classy woman will automatically make her more feminine. Using “manly” words, such as “dude”, “whats up”, and excessive cussing also take away from a woman’s femininity. And of course, any nurturing behavior will make a woman appear more feminine. It goes without saying that any traditionally male bad habits, such as smoking, excessive drinking, spitting, etc., make a woman more masculine and therefore – less feminine.
3. Mental Aspects of Femininity
The mental aspects of femininity include a woman’s goals and values. A woman whose goals resemble those of a single guy who never plans to settle, such as focusing completely on her career and her next promotion while sacrificing other parts of her life is not going to come across as feminine. A woman who partially or fully dismisses traditional female values, such as being a mother, a wife, and engaging in such activities as cooking, cleaning, etc… will appear as far less feminine than a woman who is striving for a balanced life, who knows that she will be much happier if she becomes a mother and wife, and who naturally enjoys pleasing her lover. A woman who is less argumentative and competitive and more accommodating will come across as more feminine. Some readers might assume that I encourage woman to be some kind of subservient slaves, but nothing is further from truth. I merely want to point out that certain qualities make women come across as more feminine.
4. Feminism and Femininity
It would appear that at least an extreme feminism and its goals and values are incompatible with femininity. In fact, if you were to ask some of the more feminine women you know what they think of feminism, chances are that they will smirk and say that they are not the biggest feminists out there and they do not really support or care for the movement.
5. What Femininity Isn’t
Sometimes, when I use the term “femininity” I get this defensive reaction from women, accusing me of being a chauvinist, of wanting women to be subservient housewives, who stay at home cooking and cleaning all day. I never said that and I never meant that. Being feminine doesn’t mean being subservient and staying at home all day cooking and cleaning. It also doesn’t mean not having a job/education or your own goals or opinions. Feminine energy is perfectly compatible with pursuing your own personal, academic and professional goals. Femininity is about the energy you radiate with your behavior and demeanor; it’s not about being a pushover all the time and letting others take advantage of you.
6. Can You Become More Feminine?
I doubt that a fundamentally masculine woman with “butch” like appearance and demeanor can turn into some kind of gentle flower of a woman full of feminine energy. However, many women who are not extremely masculine could take simple but very effective steps toward becoming more feminine. And it’s surely worth the effort to try to become or at least behave in a more feminine way, if meeting and dating more and better men is what you want. One good example of becoming more feminine is Jennifer Lopez. Growing up in the rougher parts of New York naturally gave her a certain edge of roughness, and it was obvious based on the way she spoke. However, she worked hard to increase her feminine energy, as part of her pr campaign in the entertainment world. Her body language and accent didn’t exactly make her sound like the Duchess of York before, but she took steps to act and talk more like a lady. And Lopez she is just one example that can serve as an inspiration to any other women who feels like she could use a boost in the femininity department.
7. Your First Step Toward Becoming More Feminine
The first to becoming more feminine is as simple and obvious as it is absolutely essential. You must truly believe that being more feminine is a good thing and that it makes you attractive. As long as you think, like so many other women out there, that being and acting like one of the girls in “Jersey Shore” makes you cool, you are not going to have the belief and the motivation necessary to become more feminine.
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