How to Handle Mixed Signals from Women

mixed signalsHandling mixed signals that women send to guys is one of the challenges that men face when attempting to initiate a romantic connection with a woman. Before we discuss how to deal with those mixed signals most effectively, it’s important to understand why women send these mixed signals. I believe there are three major reasons for this kind of behavior. You,¬†as a guy,¬†should respond to each behavior accordingly:

(1) Some women send mixed signals completely unconsciously and unintentionally.

They have no idea that their friendliness appears to be as flirting and a sign of interest. On the other hand, some men’s wishful thinking makes them interpret signs of friendliness as flattering signs of attraction and romantic interest. Sometimes both of the above factors come into play at the same time. The only way to find out whether that woman is interested in you is to actually take the risk and make a move. Whether it’s asking her out, trying to kiss her, touching her lightly¬†or doing¬†whatever else that would suggest that you are interested in her – her response to any of that will be a more reliable indicator of her interest level than any mixed signals she is sending on her own.

(2) Some women send mixed signals because they enjoy the attention that they get from men when they flirt and suggest that they might be interested in a guy, even if they are not.

This gives these women reassurance that they are attractive, wanted, and they can get that guy or any guy if they wanted to. This is especially helpful to a woman’s self esteem if she hasn’t been approached by any guy in a while or if she just got out of a relationship or went through a bad break-up, and could use a boost in her self-esteem. Regardless, the more harsh term for this type of woman is “attention whore.” ¬†This kind of behavior is not easy to recognize right away. However, usually¬†this behavior¬†becomes obvious when the woman who flirts with you seems to behave exactly the same way with other guys, even in your presence. This kind of woman is “getting off” on being admired, and she is generally bad news. She is the one who is used to juggling several guys and playing with their time and feelings. Unless you are looking to hang out or have a very light fun with her, you will setting yourself up for disappointment.

(3) Sometimes mixed signals are in fact a sign of interest.

On one hand, women want to make their interest clear, but at the same time they are really concerned about coming across as desperate, and therefore are trying cover up their signs of interest with signs of lack of interest especially if they deal with the guy they like and would like to attract. Thus, a girl who is interested in you might be very friendly to you at one point, smile, touch you while talking to you and then, all of a sudden, she will think that she is being too aggressive and too obvious and she will pull back. Then, she¬†will try to look like she is not interested as much, so that you do not get the “wrong” idea, even when that idea would be very “right” for both of you. This concern on the woman’s part is particularly significant if she actually likes you and doesn’t want to turn you off by being too “easy”, too pushy, or appear desperate.

If that’s the kind of woman you think you are dealing with, patience is the name of the game here. You should give her more time to feel comfortable around you and not be concerned about her showing interest in you too early and then pulling back. You should understand that these ups and downs in her behavior toward you, which can be perceived as mixed signals, are a normal behavior and part of her trying to feel more comfortable around you.

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Practical, effective dating tips and relationship advice.
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04/24/2012 12:30 am

Thank you so much for paragraph 3. I came home feeling guilty about not even looking straight at the man who likes me today (and i like him back big time), thinking I may have hurt his feelings. I was just feeling very emotional and i thought I might cry in front of him so i just shut off. At least your advice is encouraging and not damning!