Is She Interested or Just Friendly

is she interestedOne of the things about meeting a girl who you find attractive and who you are interested in, which can be both exciting and frustrating, is trying to figure out whether she is actually interested in you that way or is she just being friendly. Since generally, men are more direct and women are more subtle in the way they express their interest, this issue is much more relevant to men who are trying to figure out whether a certain woman is interested in them. While there might not be magic, error-proof way to determine early on whether a certain girl is interested in you, there are a few things you should keep in mind that will help you determine that:

Different women show their interest in men¬†differently. Just because one woman is being very outgoing with you, very touchy and very flirtatious, doesn’t necessarily¬†mean that she is interested¬†in going out with you or dating you, although that’s certainly a possibility. It’s also possible that the woman is being naturally friendly and naturally flirtatious and that’s how she is in general with men or with everyone. It’s possible that she enjoys the attention, and she loves seeing how she makes guys want her with her behavior. ¬†One of the best ways to find out if she¬†belongs to that category is to see how she interacts with other men. If she has¬†twenty male friends and she flirts with all of them pretty much equally, chances are that her flirting doesn’t really mean anything one way or another.

On the other hand, just because a woman you met is being quiet or is not very talkative, doesn’t mean that she is not interested in you. I know¬†this from personal experience, as quite¬†a few¬†women I have met in the past told me later how much they liked me when they met me and the reason that they weren’t very talkative was because they were shy and also¬†because they didn’t think that talking too much was a good idea on their part (don’t you wish more women learned how not to talk too much…). They were also nervous and were concerned¬†about making the wrong impression, so they thought that talking less is the safer way to go, so to speak. Many women who seem to be quiet and reserved in the beginning of your interaction with them, are anything but quiet a little later, when they get used to you and warm up toward you. Also, it often takes a woman a while before she herself¬†knows whether she is interested¬†in a guy, so it’s worth giving her and yourself some time before you determine whether the interest and the attraction are mutual. Just because the girl is not crazy about you from the first few moments she met you, doesn’t mean that she can’t develop an equally strong or ever stronger interest in you¬†later, at her own pace.

Ironically, when a woman shows too much interest too early, it doesn’t necessarily mean that her interest is genuine or will be long lasting. Both men and women who rush with their feelings and emotions toward someone are often equally likely to lose these feelings and change their mind. This is the reason why¬†guys often face this situation where the girl they met or went out with was totally into them to only have disappeared shortly after and not return their calls. In other words, as they say – if something seems to be¬†too good to be true, it probably is.

Often, the only and the best way to find out if a certain woman is interested in you, if it’s not clear from her behavior, is by taking a risk and making a gentle move forward – getting to a woman a little closer physically or otherwise and seeing how she responds to your mild, casual touch on her hand, shoulders, knee, etc… and see whether these advances are welcome. If you are not quite there yet, and this would not be appropriate for your situation, then simply asking you co-worker or a classmate to do something after work or on a weekend, and then use that opportunity to get closer to them is one good way to do it. For example, if you are interested in that new girl who was hired at your department, here is one strategy you can follow. Have a few friendly conversations with her, even if it’s just small talk to break the ice, and after determining that you have some chemistry with her and hopefully going to lunch with her (whether in a group or one on one) if at all possible, you can tell her a few weeks later that you have tickets to a movie for next week, and see if she would want to join you. And, of course, you don’t have to have tickets right then and there. You can “have” them after she agrees to go with you.

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Practical, effective dating tips and relationship advice.
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  1. Hi and thank you for your kind words. I realize that I reply years later, but I still wanted to address this important question. Height is an issue. I would be lying if said it doesn’t matter. Since this is not something you can change, you should try to go for shorter girls (there are plenty of girls who are 5″5 and below in any country) and also make the most out of your height (i.e. be fit/stylish) and also to make sure that you don’t act like you have a short man’s syndrome (i.e. being too loud or talking too much). 5″7 is on a short side but it certainly not extreme.

  2. I tapped her gently on the shoulder and she smiled like we just had a baby or something….

  3. That's a great mindset to have and it will surely serve you well in getting better with women and in any other avenue in life.

  4. Hello A!
    I watched your videos and read your articles. They are great! Especially the ones about mixed signals and avoiding friend zone. They really motivate me to ” get in action”!
    I am 24 years old from Belgrade city population 2 million (Southeastern Europe).
    I need an advice. I am 5,6ft tall(171cm)and in my country average guys are 6,1ft. Average girls are 5,7ft(176cm), but when they wear heels difference is big! ūüôā
    My point is that in a big city competition is very tough for me…
    Girls often told me: “You are not my type; That I have childish-baby face and look 4 year younger to them”?!
    What’s your advice to a guy like me, how to overcome these “disadvantages”???

  5. Thank you for your super-fast reply! Every honor man! You convinced me that you are really devoted in helping people.
    I think that my biggest mistake in the past, except height, was: "Focus on just 1 girl". That created neediness!!! And when I suffered rejection from the girls that were not interested, "because I was trying so hard", it took me really long time to recover (in some cases even a year long),to build my confidence and self-esteem…
    I my country we say: "It is not shame if you don't know. Shame is when you don't want to know"! So, I am here, I will improve because i want to improve. And I count on your help. ūüôā
    Greetings from Serbia!

  6. practicalhappiness.c

    Thanks for your kind words.
    Look – the bottom lines is this – your height is something that is going to stay with you for better or for worse. You are not tall but you are also not the shortest guy in the world. Does your height make you a little less attractive, especially to taller women? Yes. Does it reduce your options somewhat? Maybe. But hey, why bother and worry about something that's completely not up to you? I think a much better way of thinking to adopt is to be grateful for what you have and focus your efforts on become better and more attractive in those areas of life, over which you do have control. Luckily, these include the majority of things anyway. Also, there are plenty of women who are 5 – 5"4 feet tall or around and they shouldn't mind your height.


    Here is the link to the article as per your request. Please let me know if you would like to me add anything or address anything improtant, that I haven’t addressed:


    @ dfrancis
    My pleasure. Surely, you don’t want to jeopardize valuable friendship by making things uncomfortable. However, I don’t think that by being rejected after you make a pass at someone who you consider to be a friend, it will affect your friendship. Real friendship easily survive these kinds of moments.


    @ Mickey
    Thanks for your idea. I will write an article about this within the next few days and will e-mail you the link to that article.


    I’d like for you to write a blog about this: What is your opinion about guys who’ve given up hope when it comes to dating?

    You know as well as anyone that there are guys out there (yes, I’m one of them; I admit it) who’ve been beaten down too many times by approach anxiety, bad relationships, politically correct misandry, etc.

    The end result is that you have too many guys who are now demoralized to the point where they’ve just given up. I admit that I lost hope in the dating scam a long long time ago.

    What do you say to guys like us?

  11. i may have misspoke. i did not mean to say that i wanted to take things further with friends. once a girl is my friend, i want to keep her as my friend.

    i am talking about cases where you meet a girl regularly and she is being playful with you. sometimes its hard to tell, at first, whether she is flirting or just being friendly.

  12. I appreciate that you took my suggestion and wrote an article about this. So, I am assuming your overall message here is: "It's not how she acts toward you initially that matters the most. It's how she REACTS toward your actions".

    I made this suggestion because I have several female friends. We tease each other, touch each other playfully, but it's just for friendship. And with someone I'm dating, I'm very cautious not to automatically assume she has interest in me because I know with some women, being playful is naturally who they are with their guy friends.

    But you are right, it is about subtle body language.

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