Younger Man / Older Woman

younger guy older woman dating adviceIt is not rare to see a younger guy and an older woman date and have a very intense sexual and romantic relationship, which defies the traditional “older man, younger woman” set-up that we are used to seeing. This is not surprising. First, the fact that such a dating situation is still somewhat taboo makes is all the more enticing and exciting. Many younger guys are driven to women who are 10 years older than they are or more, as these women are often more confident and more sexually driven and passionate than the younger women. These younger guys are both curious and excited about dating a woman who, is not ashamed of what she wants sexually, unlike the younger girls of his own age who are often confused about just about everything, including their romantic and sexual desires. That relationship between a younger guy and an older woman is likely to be supercharged by a combination of the younger man’s peak sex drive and the older woman’s confidence, experience and her own sex drive. There are some other compelling reasons for why older women are more attractive to younger guys. And of course, it’s not a secret that women in their thirties and forties have a much higher sex driver than the ones in their twenties. That higher sex drive translates, among other things, into being more direct with men.

The more mature women may be interested in dating a younger guy out of sheer curiosity of what it feels like dating someone younger, and also because usually younger guys are more “agile,” active, energetic. Being around a younger guy makes a woman feel younger as well. No woman is attracted to a guy who is a couch potato or who is unable to climb a set of stairs without being out of breath, especially if the woman herself is very active. Young guys have a stronger sex drive and are naturally hungrier for a woman’s body. Few things are more flattering to an older woman than being with a younger guy who craves her body and who is more eager to be close to her physically than any older guy would.

Often, a younger guy and an older woman would “decide” upfront that their relationship will be casual, and that they should not expect any commitment from each other, because they know that the end of that relationship is inevitable because of the seemingly irreconcilable age difference. Ironically however, the very fact that the two people remove the pressure of commitment from their interaction increases their sexual attraction and passion toward each other and their desire to be with each other, as their relationship is not clouded by fears and complications of commitment, long-term relationships and related issues.

As a result of that increased romantic passion and sexual connection, the two people are actually more likely to develop strong feelings for each other and to feel very attached to each other – something they never planned for, but also something that happens quite often and is so far beyond their control. This is in large because it is simply impossible for a man and a woman to have a great time with each other, enjoy a special sexual connection over a long period of time and not develop feelings for each other. There are also other significant reasons why a younger guy might especially enjoy dating an older woman.

So, what should a woman do – should she not have started dating a younger guy in a first place? Should she have cut it as soon as she felt that she was developing feelings for the guy? Or… should she continue seeing the guy, enjoy dating him as much as she can while she can, and not worry about the outcome of the situation too much, without thinking about the future too much?

I don’t think any woman can find an absolute and unequivocal answer to this question, and I frankly don’t believe that such an answer exists, as it would heavily depend on that specific woman’s goals and needs at that specific point in her life. An older woman might have the greatest time of her life dating an energetic, exciting, attractive young man, but she is also likely to feel that she is wasting her time being with a younger guy and knowing that it is not going to turn into a long-term relationship, instead of pursuing a relationship with a man with whom she could establish a family and have children in the nearest future as the biology would dictate to a woman who is aware that her biological clock is ticking.

But then again – not every woman wants family and children. Certainly, commitment, family and children are the last thing on those women’s mind who felt “suffocated” in their prior relationship or marriage, went through a challenging divorce or a painful break-up, and who feel the urge to enjoy and celebrate their newly found freedom.

Ultimately, no one can objectively advise a woman whether she should date a younger man, as only she knows what her goals are, and only she feels her needs and desires are at that specific stage in her life considering the unique circumstances of her present emotional state and her dating past. An intense physical affair might just be something she needs to enjoy your life and to be distracted from her previous break-up or disappointments in men.

Some people are committed to live every moment to its fullest and will do what they can to enjoy what they have while they still have it. A woman who belongs to that category should enjoy your relationship with a young guy and all its benefits and thrills, while recognizing that it will eventually be over due to no one’s fault. Others consider the above approach to life to be irresponsible or even reckless, and feel much more comfortable planning their life out, including their love life. Women who belong to this category will not be happy sticking around a guy, if they know in advance that it is not going anywhere and has no potential to turn into an actual partnership.

Only you know which category you belong to or which category you want to belong to, and once you determine which approach fits your life philosophy, you are likely to make the right choice for yourself given your unique situation, as well as what you need and want at that specific point in your life.

  • I dated an older woman for 2.5 years. I am 26 and she is 35 with 2 kids. We started hooking up as she was going through a divorce with her ex husband of 11 years. We had a really great relationship. Sex was great and we loved each other. But all of sudden her feelings changed towards me and she realized how different we are, and she didn’t see us going anywhere in the future. I couldn’t change the way she felt, so my only choice is to let her go now.

  • Caroline Kolakowski

    So sad Amanda!! DRUGS did in my real love too.

  • Caroline Kolakowski

    I am in love with a really good man who is 10 years younger than I. I am established, educated, have my own home and am STILL going to school. I hope he feels the same way that I do!! (He really got screwed in his previous marriage; NOT RIGHT!) You know who you are….and I do love you!!

  • Marilee Cly

    I am 74 and dreadfully in love with a 50 yr old man who looks 35….talk about stares. I look around 60. He does meth also and it is then that he is verbally mean and ugly and says horrible things to me.

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  • That’s another lovely story and touching situation. I think “growing older” together should be kept in perspective here. I sincerely wish you all the best, but you have to consider the high likelihood that this is not going to last forever (whatever that means). Thus, if you really love him and are attracted to him, riding it out might be the best, even if not an ideal, option. You should also understand where he is coming from. It would be really hard to introduce a woman who is 20 years older than him to his parents without being harshly judged, especially by the mother. And even if he was ok with you meeting them, I don’t think you would be comfortable interacting with them anyway, so maybe it’s a blessing in disguise.

  • Sexyangel

    I am 49 and he is 29, we are deeply in love for 3+ years! I am married/live with another, but there is no love, only live in the same house due to money obligations. I spend most of my time with my boo. We vacation together, 3 yrs in a row. He believes that his family won’t agree and will possibly disown him. So I am a secret. Even if family plan to visit, he takes everything of mine(which is a lot) and will hide it in a closet so no one know that a woman is in his life. I find it very difficult!

    We both say that we are each others future, we will be together forever. We plan everything together, we do nothing separately other than with our respective family. Everything from groceries to trips, nothing is done alone. Nothing is purchased for him house(our home) without my input. Neither of us can see life without the other.

    But, how can we see a future together if I will never meet his family, He ask for me to move in, but I don’t think he is serious. If family were to visit, what am I to do, pack all my stuff in a suit and wait on the street? For this reason, how can we be a couple and see each other grow old?

    I have tried several times to end it, but our love just keeps us coming back together. The LOVE we share is so powerful. It just seems it is meant to be until his family is mentioned and I am once again – no one to them

    Anyone here care to share their opinion? Should I ride it out? Should I just get out?

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  • Amanda

    I dated a 25 yr old when I was 45. We had so much fun together and age was never a problem. The demon called meth destroyed him.

  • Amanda

    If he likes you until he finds out your age, dump him. I dumped my pathetic loser. They are terrified of aging themselves, LOL!

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  • BIGNOTBAD

    you right mutual respect and honesty then every thing els will fall in place…i can see that you are very happy in your relationship

  • BIGNOTBAD

    SWG i think you give him more then what he deserve you dont have to feel bad or sad in anyway he just not the right guy for you and you wil get someone that will treat you the way you want to be treated with respect and love before me and my gf started dating she told that if i want kids that i must move on and not keep her for fun and i told her that am ok with it and that i won’t use her and here we stil are loving each other even more…so dont let that guy make you feel like you wrong or dirty because you not……

  • BIGNOTBAD

    some guys just want the experience to be with a older person but that is just wrong dont use a person or string them along because you waisting there time…

  • Xavier Sanchez_DJ215

    it works.but as u r reading new post above, realize ithas to be with the right older woman.

  • Xavier Sanchez_DJ215

    love dating only older. less drama. and just love it personally since barely 18 for like 11 yrs now.

  • Xavier Sanchez_DJ215

    BIG, yep. same here.
    the one i want to really settle down wit ‘is like yours, like mid 40s. not OLD lady yet. nah but older woman.
    yea. and i will not give up trying to settle down with her.Live in same house/do everything/plan it all together and just enjoy our time together each waking day . Life so short to not be with who we really know we should be with. and if Morgan still here, that’s good. Good luck to your younger man and you.”

  • Xavier Sanchez_DJ215

    Morgan wow. That’s what’s up. I am alot like your guy I only date way older, like halle age, late 40s or fifty. and or mid upper forties j-lo age to mariah mid forties and or janet. That is perfect for me. I been like this though for a long time(born mid 80s) i will marry older woman,we both get old together living good,that is what i know i will not settle for nothing less. Just more exciting and i love older.Never dating my age.No need.Less drama with older(and you’re right Morgan but yea it has to be you’re right the right one.)Many i didn’t connect wit’ so you’re right.)But when it is right i know it.

  • Farantino Morgan

    i wrote more below by michael post but i want to say that is so sweet. and i am living proof it work too. i have no regrets and he sure don’t lol he only date women 1 to 2 decades older, and it work for him and we both are very happy. gotta b right mature respectful mutual respect there and everything else will continue to fall into place.

  • Farantino Morgan

    great article. i save this for a minute.
    My tasty-youngin’ is approximately 17 to 18 yrs my junior ahhh love him so much and be is way IN love wit me to want marriage. adopt a child or 2 if not natural birth and i am just loving him to pieces. Gots to b the right fit mentally first n foremost/maturity on both levels. love it. I am in my forties. met him only at early 20s… (23) i was approaching forties “then”so in almost mid 40s now and we are stronger than ever. not sure though on kid thing, raise 3 boys… but he say if not he is ok with only me and him and travel and enjoy our home-life til God call us both home and what not… .It can work but has to be the right fit. Looks are totally irrelevant when you have the right person any age.(over 18 of course)

  • BIGNOTBAD

    am 29 and my gf of 3years is 46 now it was very rocky at 1st because of family and friends but it worked we are stil to gather and i love her to bits so if a person wants something to work it will

  • JN

    This is very good article. Everyone has there own life to live. I do not agree with. I have 21 year son. This type relationship looks more like a parent child relationship. This is my opinion. I did date someone older, 10 years older, the age difference did come into effect. I do wish any one who is pursuing the best.

  • David Santos

    Happy For you Both !! I’m 25 and My recent gf now ex for 3 weeks. She is 41. I Love Her So much!!! And She Loves Me ! But for 6 months we been on and off. She breaks up with me for everything. And when she decides, she comes back. I accused her of cheating alot , because she brought a coworker to stay over at her place. And I started to have doubts. But we spoke about it. And she said she’s not that kind of woman. She would tell me. I try letting go. But I feel I didn’t ask certain situations that led me to accusations. I regret that. But I accused her of doing something sexual while talking to me on the phone. And she broke up with me in a text. These are her actual texts . You are lying about what you are saying I am doing over the phone..which I never did.. to impress somebody else… Furthermore, not even putting me on speaker, and saying I am the one playing games. It is saddening and a shame you do this to me, throwing all we have away. You have not changed. So be it, if you insist on lying. You get what you want and accomplish what you set out with your actions. Don’t contact me again. Forget my number, when you lie like this about my honesty. Be with them. Let them – that other girl experience your lies. Until it is she discovers your true nature. A joke you play on me each time I give you another chance, using me to receive pity and play the victim from new girls you are seeing, badmouthing and saying I am not loyal, rather than being truthful to impress them – unfathomable! Good bye to your untruthful self… ) How can I fix this ? we even named our future kids Together !! I Do Love Her !! But she changed her number and has not called me since. It’s been 3 weeks. Nothing still. I feel like she just happy with someone else. Now that she has him she doesn’t need me . How did you make it work with you and him ? What can I do to Get her back ? Thank you !!

  • No.

  • michael s

    Is the author of this a mature woman by any chance!?

  • swg

    No, dumba$$.

  • Joe Haley

    Want to hook up? I`m looking for a woman to be with

  • swg

    ok..not sure why you posted that, then..

  • swg

    You met him when he was 19?

  • Joe Haley

    Well, I`m not with Bobby really, that`s just a joke. What I really want in life is my ex Nicholas

  • Afotro Ben

    Older women are easy going people,they care about your health and your overall well been, I lost mine a couple of years back,so trying to find another online, besides they respect you anyone for me lol.

  • Simon

    Hi dear, I am 35. I am looking for a mature lady as well. I am black and live in Zambia, Africa

  • disqus_3R1e4Jsh33

    i am in the very same situation, i’m 30, hes 20 and we recently got together a few months ago, we both live abroad as students and living together and the past few weeks i was in his home country and met the entire family and his it off with his Mum straight away. He will meet mine in a few weeks but yes, it took a while for me to get over the age and he truly won my heart over but i do worry about the future but i will enjoy each day as it comes.

  • swg

    Yeah, he did mislead me. I think making long term plans with someone..telling your parents about them..introducing them to your friends..if you think it’s just a booty call, that’s pretty misleading. Maybe if he’d just ended it after 3 months, instead of coming back again and again, and if we hadn’t actually gone out on DATES, and just slept together with nothing else going on…but that’s not how it went down. And *I* am the one who broke it off because I felt him assuming I’d be ok with him sleeping with an exlover, instead of asking me how I felt about it, was disrespectful. I guess our relationship was casual when it worked for him to assume it was casual, and not when he didn’t want anything else on the side.

  • swg

    Thanks very much for your words of support. There are probably large age gap relationships out there that work, but they do not work for me. Guess what the latest is? The 29 yr old and I broke it off…2 months later I find out, he’s been dating someone else already. 7 dates into it, and he’s already committed to her..meanwhie, he and I were together for 6 months, and he still wanted to sleep with this one ex-lover. Didn’t even really consult me about it, or ask how *I* felt about it. He pretty much went and did it. That was pretty much the end of it for us. I felt totally disrespected. I guess he thought because of the age difference, I was supposed to ASSUME that things were THAT casual between us. NM that he had told his mom about us..introduced me to his family..etc. So yeah. I’m pretty disillusioned with the whole OW/YM thing now. And I bet this girl whom he seems to respect enough NOT to sleep with someone else..is closer to his own age.

  • OreoMilkLover215

    SWG just in case my post below is not approved i think you’re too hard on yourself. you’re older sure. but you’re far from OLD you’re not in your sixties seventies eighties,and even then as my grandparent is 19 years almost older than her soulmate, my grandpa. so enjoy your life now, and you are going to meet the right older or younger guy. Just has to be the right 1 for you. His loss. Not yours.remember that.

    rip to the florida victims in orlando.

  • OreoMilkLover215

    This is not “inevitable that it was going to happen because she is in her forties and him only in his 20s, early thirties etc. ALL depend imo on what you’re wanting, and sharing up front on those actual needs etc., A much younger man late 20s like me is happy with way older has to be over 7 to 20 years older. I prefer em and always will. If IN love and set in life with her i will be a man who is mature enough to put our love/bond before a birth child that we feasibly will not be able to produce but sure can adopt or not have any and still be in love and happy. It all has to do with what is best in the future … and if he know early on he do not want kids and or can adopt with her IF they fall IN love then it is all good just be honest. That is best at the beginning. Your only in your late forties, yes you’re now older, yes but sure not OLD so enjoy your life,and remember life is way too short not to so enjoy it as much as we all can without a hurtful moment. I will marry older. Not going to settle for younger, because that is not how i am made. Children is not a deal breaker for me. Only cheating is so don’t get so down on yourself, you’re still young enough in your late forties, (48)to meet the right guy younger or older than you. .Trust me he is out there…. I like this website Great article.

    RIP to the florida victims in Orlando

  • su

    I’m 43 my husband is 26 we have been together 7 years. people told us it would not last but here are married with a 5 year old daughter

  • I am glad to hear that. Older women have plenty of advantages over younger ones, and I wrote about that too:
    http://www.practicalhappiness.com/why-you-might-enjoy-dating-an-older-woman/
    I don’t need to survey every single guy. As I mentioned, there are exceptions – there is a group of guys who prefer older women, and there is a group of women who is uniquely attractive despite being older. But denying that a significant age difference is an issue is like denying that a typical woman wants to be with a guy who is taller. It’s just a fact.

  • swg

    Anyway, until you survey every single younger guy about his attitudes towards a serious rel’ship with an older woman, you cannot sit here and say “all OW/YM relationships are doomed.” That’s negative stereotyping and not based on anything but your own biases.

  • swg

    I have plenty of friends approaching 50 who look great, and it’s not always about that. Many younger men appreciate the wisdom, intelligence, reponsibility and maturity an older woman brings to the relationship. I just saw an article, actually, where they’re showing a big change in younger men’s attitudes. Most younger men in this study, preferred to date 6-10 years older than their own age. You underestimate how many younger men are tired of the games women their age play.

  • I am sure there are plenty of exceptions and I will check out the site. It’s not so much about the kids as it is about sexual attraction. However youthful a woman is, it’s an inevitable issue. Again, there are exceptions, but relying on it is a risky proposition, to say the least. I am sure that Beyonce and Sophia Vergara will look great at 50 or even older, but this cannot be said about most women out there.

  • swg

    Go to agelesslove.com. Plenty of older women married to much younger men. You realize there are younger men who know they don’t want kids, right?

  • Well, first I can always respond to everyone’s comment on every article. Sometimes I am more available than others. More importantly – not every woman has the same goal. Some are perfectly find enjoying the excitement of the affair, sex and dating with the younger guy and they don’t really expect anything else. If that’s the case, there is no failure – they get exactly what they want. I am sad to know that many older women are in denial about the fact that a big age difference is a virtually insurmountable obstacle as far as long term relationship goes.

  • swg

    So, why don’t you tell everyone who’s posted on here, who’s in an OW/YM relationship what you’re telling me? Their relationships are clearly ALL doomed to fail. Isn’t that what you’re saying??

  • The point is not moot. Regardless of who is coming to whom, those types of relationships are doomed as far as long term goes, so the only way to enjoy them is to accept and embrace the fact that you should enjoy what you have while you have it without making too many long term plans. Sometimes it’s easier said than done because people develop strong feelings regardless of understanding this. If this is something you don’t want, you don’t have to respond to young men’s advances. It is your choice. There is nothing wrong with taking care of yourself, looking young and healthy, dating younger men, etc… as long you are aware of this inevitable risk of being hurt this way.

  • swg

    So? What is your point? Everyone is gonna be in their 40s/50s/ and gasp! older, and then die, at some point.

    She’s saying so many women who take pride in looking younger are delusional, and use young men as “tools.” I have never sought out a younger man. They always come to me. They’re actually the only ones who hit on me. And twice, the much younger guys I ended up in relationships with, thought I was their age, and I thought they were older. I’m contradicting her point.

    So..your point about “the bottom line and your actual age”..is kind of moot.

  • It’s great to look young but it doesn’t change the bottom line – the actual age.

  • swg

    I’m 48 and have always been told I look younger. When I was 40, people told me I looked like I was in my early 20s. I never smoked. Partied very little. Stayed out of the sun. Yes, I am getting wrinkles NOW, but people still tell me I look like I’m in my 30s. Good diet, lots of water, no sun, and retin-A, and NO SMOKING. And yes you can look years younger. The reason I kept ending up with younger guys was because they thought I was their age, initially.

  • It is an unfortunate but also inevitable result of this type of age difference. You cannot be blamed for how you feel, and that younger guy cannot be blamed either, unless of course he mislead you, which it appears he didn’t.

  • swg

    Oh really? Wait til you decide you might want kids..

  • swg

    I will never ever be with a younger guy again. I’ve had too many failed rel’ships with them. I’m 48; the most recent guy is 29. My heart is broken because he wants things as they are, status quo, with us ‘dating’ or sleeping together, etc., but he will not be in a rel’ship with me because he wants longterm to find someone his own age in case he decides to have kids. So..I’m feeling like dirt. I feel like I am not good enough for a relationship, only for something temporary til he finds a younger woman. I think I deserve better than that.

  • Good job on handling that situation. I say every friction you resolve brings you closer together regardless of what happens.

  • Jasmine Leonard

    Your very welcome, and yeah it’s premature, I did talk to him about that other person,he said that their just talking and he admitted it was wrong and apologized which was awesome and I accepted now moving forward I hope we get stronger.

  • Thanks for your kind words, Jasmine. Yes, “where are we” talk is way premature after just five weeks, especially if you didn’t even have s yet. This might be the right time to talk about him talking to other people though. The longer you wait the more it will hurt you if he is not as serious about what you guys have as you would like it to be.

  • Jasmine Leonard

    I hope u work things out with him , even if it’s casual he shouldn’t have flipped like that. Let him know it was harmless flirting and to remember that you guys are not official.What about their being faithful do u think that is possible? I mean I know anything is possible but the guy I’m seeing is 21 yr old guy who told me in the beginning he’s talking to someone else,but the other night he was on the phone right in front of me with another girl I was laying up in his bed, it was super rude I told him too, he at first said he didn’t mean to be rude..duh but u were. I said either u don’t give a fuck or your to young and inexperienced to know u don’t do that to someone. He did appologize and admit it was wrong I just hope we can stregnthen our relationship and become official.

  • Jasmine Leonard

    Yeah the guy I started seeing is 21 I am 29 I really like him we haven’t had sex yet tho I want to but I want us to hav a deeper connection before getting physical , how long do u think it takes for younger guys to fall for u.. .?

  • Jasmine Leonard

    Thanks so much for posting this, great article,your right there are defiantly different aspects that go with dating a younger guy he’s 21 I’m 29 we’ve been dating for 5 weeks I really like him but don’t want to scar him off with too much “what are we” talk questioning. We haven’t had sex yet I do want to but I know it will change the dynamic of our relationship. Plus I told him I want to get to know him better first before sex. I do know he talks to someone else but he’s dating and taking me out, but it still concerns me.only time will tell if we go further and he a real relationship.

  • DAZEDandCONFUSED

    Hi Lost in Love, im sort of in a similar situation but not at the in love part, similar in age and the marriage situation. My story is more of chatting via social media to txting with a younger guy for a year and a half. He is 10 yrs younger, so i’ve had my doubts and been coming up with excuses. I finally agreed to meet after the year and a half. That intense sexual chemistry is there. Super hot! But since its just beginning im going into this with no expectations, knowing we both are not good with commitment. He is more focused on his career, and i have a family. Just curious how your story went. It feels crazy but I am so happy. I know it is wrong, but I haven’t been happy for years now. I am not sure what to except or what to think. The intense sexual connection that I found is something I just dont want to lose, i want to enjoy as much as I can. As much as I want this for a long time, who knows what will happen. I just wanted to know if anyone else has been in that situation and has worked out. I do feel a sense of freedom for I did let me spouse know how I am feeling and why I did what I did. I have told him for years the times when we fell apart, but he only knows now that this is serious, and that our marriage is more just staying for the kids. I have been unhappy for over 4 yrs now, in an 11 year marriage. I have tried to make it work with the first 7 years of marriage but it doesn’t work for me anymore. Don’t get me wrong, my husband is a really good guy, we don’t fight that often, but the support and the love for me has faded with little things, over the years. Where it became a complete disconnect and I see him more as a friend. I’m at the point where, do I let the kids see that I am not happy and try to stay together. Or do we go our seperate ways. We have been sleeping apart for a year now, and having this young guy msg me and pursue me for over a year and a half, made me feel like i can be happy again. When all this time i thought the issue was me, for i have not been sexually active for about a year and a half to 2 yrs. I blamed the meds, the aging, but meeting this beautiful younger guy who is doesnt care about my flaws in my body, made me feel like i want to love myself again. He is the type of guy I never thought would even notice me. He’s an athelete with an amazing body, and im over weight, especially due to all these medications I was on. He told me that me being this way didnt matter and he’s not that shallow. For all the ladies that have dreamed of a gorgeous man you will normally see in magazines pursuing you,is like a dream come true. I feel like this is just a dream and one day i will wake up and he’s not there. This whole situation for me is just like a dream come true, but unsure of how long this will last and would love the happily ever after. I dont see the marriage part anymore, due to already being in one that i feel has failed me. Hopefully Lost in Love, your story has a better ending, mine has only begun and not sure where this leads… Any updates on how you two are now?

  • Joe Haley

    I`m 29 years old and my girlfriend Bobby is 44 years old. Bobbi and I are in a relationship and she doesn`t to have sex with me, which that she wants to have a relationship with me. Well, I do say that ages doesn`t really matter anyway as being an adult and dating a woman in their 40`s

  • Trilby16

    I’m 63 and my bf’s 35. It’s pretty great! He’s happy too.

  • Robin

    As an older woman that is dating a younger man I will tell you for me personally, if you can communicate with out the assumption that you are going get sex or be sexual with your communication …eventually an older woman will warm up to a younger man. I am speaking from my preferences. I just started to date a younger man who is 15 yrs younger and I am 53. His approach to me was non sexual and that is what sparked my interest. It is probably different for everyone else.

  • Thanks for sharing. It is incredible how many guys end up dating women who are that much older. Regardless of how long it lasts, it must be a special and unique experience in many ways.

  • Double S

    I’m 33 and I’ve been date a women whom is 18 years older than me for a few months now and I’ve got to say it’s not the sex I care about it’s just the sheer connection we have with each other, like just this morning it was -30 degrees Celsius and the battery died on here truck so she gave me a call to see if could give her a ride to work, even though I was still in bed I rushed out the door, when I got her to work just the smile, hug and kiss I got from her was much more of a better feel than I have ever got from a women my age. And I have also got to say I have had more fun with here in these few sort month than I have had with many other wemon around my age put together, like cooking her a nice supper and relax with a glass of wine and a movie was way more fun that going to any resturant or club.

  • Justknowimeanit

    LOL ! My favorite part was when he said she was honest!!! Haha! Dude your mistress is a whore who fucks younger guys on the regular. I know this lady personally. I fuck her too. Idiot.

  • Suely

    I am 43 and I am dating a 33 year old at first I wanted it only to be an intimate relationship rather then love after a ten year failed marriage I found this man who is now in love with me and I am in love with him the relationship is very intense I am now in a place of using wisdom with him getting to know his likes and dislikes and him mine we are both strong willed and if you can work together who says it can’t work age should he used in moderation because if you want long term then realize that there is always that possibility the younger person can leave but I Believe when someone really loves you they look beyond all of that always place god in your relationship it is important to communicate respect and honor one another and you never know it could work give each other space and watch and see how you grow together god bless all those young couples I would rather be with a younger man then older older men are boring to some degree not all and I find a younger man who make me feel beautiful to all you women do what works for you and don’t allow other people to discourage you but I will be honest a huge age gap may not last

  • April

    Hi Daniel,

    I am not sure if I can really give you an advice,everyone has to follow their intuition and their heart.
    But this is what I think:
    What is happening in situations like this(and maybe you are too young to”get it”yet)is that
    this is a soul connection not only physical attraction.
    Brain can not outsmart the heart,and as they say:” the heart wants what the heart wants.”
    I am sure that being older and wiser,that woman knows for sure that you like her,and I think if you want to be with her you should show her in a subtle way that you do and I guess it is up to her to make a decision.You should look at all the signs first,if you really feel that she likes you, also watch how she is with her husband(maybe she likes you but would never leave her family ,on the other hand a lot of marriages are just formal,people stay together for kids,finances etc.you wouldn’t believe how many loveless and sexless marriages are out there)You have to find the way to see if she is stable and happy in her marriage or who knows maybe she is on the verge of a divorce…guessing and assuming is not a good way to go, so the only way is to have an open talk with her…Give it a time,but I think that is the only way to get somewhere or not.

    I feel so deeply and intensely with a younger guy this year,he seemed very shy and intimidated by me,he showed an uncontrollable excitement a few times when he saw me and he is a very calm person..I saw he liked me(he never did much to show me, but no one can deny the energy that only two people feel between themselves)and I saw that he was trying really hard to resist me. I was sure that he would not approach me b/c I am older,have a child etc.So finally,when I realized I am falling in love with him, I approached him with a letter and it turned out that he is in a long term relationship!
    So people can like you,they can even be crazy about you,but you need to find out before your emotions get too deep if she is interested in being with you or not.
    At the end it is that simple..
    Good luck and let us know how it goes..

  • Dear Daniel,

    Thanks for sharing your situation. It might not be the most morally right thing for me to suggest given that the woman is married, but perhaps letting her know in so many words that she is in your mind (without telling her about the “constantly” part) and see how she responds is a good idea. If nothing else, you will know how she feels about the whole situation. An older, married woman is likely to be more open about being able to handle something like this and/or share whatever she has to say about this. At the very least, you won’t feel like you didn’t explore something you should.

  • Daniel

    Hi everyone! So I’m 24 years old and I’ve known this woman for almost a year now. She is 40 years old, married and has a couple of children, but for a few months now I can’t seem to stop thinking about her. When I’m in my home town we see each other almost every day and most of the time there are other people with us, and sometimes her husband is there too. There are also times when we are alone and we have a great relationship and we just sit and talk, but I know it would be wrong and I’ve decided that I won’t say anything to her. She is very kind to me and gives me a big smile every time we meet and when we say goodbye. The thing is that recenlty I started acting weird and keeping some distance between us when we meet, because I feel guilty for some reason although there is nothing to feel guilty about other than the thing that I just can’t get her out of my mind. I’m very confused, because I think that now she knows that I like her (thank God she doesn’t know that she’s constantly on my mind for most of the day) and I’ve caught her staring at me and sometimes we look at each other from a distance when I decide to stay away from her, because I feel uncomfortable if there are other people with us. Also I feel this tension when we look into each other’s eyes now. The last time we met it was by accident and it was raining and both of us were already wet, but we were alone and we stayed and talked about random stuff for 10 or 20 minutes in the rain. When we met the same evening there were some other people with us and neither one of us said anything about our encounter earlier in the day. We both seem to enjoy each other’s company and I want us to be friends, but I don’t want to get her in trouble or embarrass her in some way in front of other people. I won’t even let myself compliment her if she has a new haircut or if she’s exceptionally good looking that day. Also I can’t stop seeing her, because it would look strange to everyone. I feel pretty bad and responsible about the whole situation and I don’t know what to do now. Everywhere I go I just think about or look for her. I’m so distracted lately and I can’t seem to focus on the important things in my life right now. It’s just killing me. Any advice is welcome and appreciated. God, I wish she was 20 years younger…

  • Hello, Betsy. Talk about a unique situation… 😉 I am tempted to suggest – don’t say anything. In your case, the age is definitely just the number. I say, if he asks, you can tell me, but if he doesn’t and the attraction is there, as you say it is, that’s what counts the most.

  • Betsy

    I am a young, fit, trim 70 year old woman, very interested in a man who’s 54. There’s a lot of sexual attraction there and many common interests. He thinks I’m about five years younger than I am and I’m wondering if should tell him my real age.

  • Kiki

    And Im feeling very jealous when he flirts with someone else, and he probably knows Im. Im just seeing when was his last seen on WatsApp and his activities on Facebook. Earlier we spoke about that it will not bring anywhere and bla bla.. but i just cant help it

  • Kiki

    Hey peeps.. I want to share my littlestory with you, bcz i feel miserable on my heart.

    Im 26, and im married for about 6 years. My husband is very sweet and caring person. He loves me so much. But for the last 2 months I have changed. The reason is 21 year old guy. We are working together, and there was a time when we once went out with our colleagues. Then we started going out almost every week, and once we kissed. It was amazing. But nothing more serious happened. We are going to gym together. He is studying and has nothing to offer me. He was kinda clear that he is tired of relationships but he wants cuddling and of course to bring this ”relations” on the next level ( sex). I want him so bad, and he is always on my mind. I know nothing is going to work out of this, but im just feeling crazy. I dont feel passion with my husband anymore, everything is so boring, nothing is changing. We spoke about separation if im not happy, but i dont know if im 100% ready..

  • April

    ps/this was my reply to:Taken aback

  • April

    I agree that the way older women here are saying:I am 50 but I look 32 sounds little bit they way you explained.
    It would sound more realistic if they say I am 50 but look in my mid or late 30’s,not stick to a certain number.

    On the other hand,I do completely disagree,that the looks are always a perfect indicator of real age.
    My both parents looked always 10 yrs younger than they actually were,and I think i have inherited that gene too.(the reason for that is also a very healthy life style)
    I was looking at my high school graduation photo recently and I honestly looked like I was 12 or 13!
    Even now as mature woman I look about 10 yrs younger,very often people compliment my complexion and it is mostly women,and let me tell you, I am so, so far from being narcissistic I would say I almost have no self confidence,but I do look younger…maybe 5 yrs for some maybe 10 for others..and I have seen many people who do not look their age,and I have met many..

    It also goes the other way,it is maybe not that common but I have a friend in her early 40’s and her face and body looks like in late 60’s she even told me that her parents are in mid 60’s and they look like they are in their 90’s.
    So again,age is really so relative, genetics play a role, but I think lifestyle and mostly if people are happy and cheerful they do feel and look younger!

  • Good point. Sometimes, no matter how much advice we get, we don’t listen. They say that learning from your own mistakes is “smart” but learning from others so that you can avoid making the same mistake is “wise”. It appears that there are far more smart people than wise ones that way.

  • 🙂 Good example, but let’s face it – this is a huge exception that makes the news and not the rule. Besides, this lady looks very different without the make-up and video enhancements. Having darker skin also helps having a more youthful complexion for longer.

  • April

    I agree..we go after what we want more…
    It is just sad that he would leave the one he loves and the one who loves him back… maybe he will never find love like that anymore,maybe he won’t be able to have children,maybe he was not in love with her at the first place…lots of “maybe’s”
    It looked like my husband wanted a child more than I did and I can guarantee to you that he is the worst father I have ever met, in every sense of that word.
    Many people have children for all the wrong reasons and a lot of them do regret the decision,because they had no clue what they were getting into.
    But.. we all make our own choices…

  • April

    Well,here is one for you 🙂

  • I think my mother qualifies for a perfect in-law. She always said to me and to my sister: “I will love whoever you love”.

  • @ April, what you are saying makes a lot of sense, but I think that if someone really wants to have children, it’s a legitimate, however painful reason might be for leaving someone. It would hurt if it was the other way around, but this doesn’t mean that a person should stay in a relationship if he/she wan’t be able to get out of it something that’s very important to them.

  • April

    We all have to follow our hearts,and break some hearts,as our harts get broken too.
    It’s life..

    I just don’t understand or accept that anyone would leave someone they truly love?(or maybe they think they do?)
    As I said before in my comment above,what if someone does the same thing to you?Leave you because you can’t have children?
    Many younger women can’t have children..
    Nothing in life is a guarantee,we can’t control some things(maybe anything)but I think we should always stay with someone we love and when that someone is loving us back.It is the greatest gift!

  • April

    @Italianguy
    The most beautiful reply.

    I was thinking about the same thing as a parent:What if my son finds someone I don’t like for some reason,and I knew that I will be happy if he is happy.

    Nothing,really nothing is more important in life than be happy,which to me means to love and to be loved in return.

  • April

    Ohio,
    I see your post is from 4 yrs ago and I would like to find out how it ended(or not)
    I wanted to see your perspective few years later.

    For other couples in your situation who read your post I would like to say:
    @ Nothing in life has a guarantee.Nothing!
    @ Most couples today have babies via in~vitro fertilization.(you don’t need opened tubes!
    @Health of the baby and mother are always a concern,no matter the age
    @Love is all that matters,and that child would be loved by older siblings
    @Another very important fact:What if you were 41 and she was 27 and you were not able to have kids?(Or even her at that young age?)Would you leave her?How would you feel if she left you for the same reason?
    @A woman who is 60 and taking care of her self can be so much younger and sexier than a 40 year old who let’s say,drinks,has bad eating habits etc.
    @And one more interesting fact:I have a woman in the family who gave birth to a healthy baby boy many years ago when she was 57 (all natural)and she lived longer then her son!
    @We are all pulled toward each other not because anything else but because our souls want that(and believe me,the souls know precisely what they are doing! 🙂
    The most important thing in the world is to love and to be loved!
    I think if we don’t follow our harts we will be in a greater pain if we followed just our minds…

    DO NOT concentrate on something you don’t have, appreciate and enjoy what you have!
    Good luck to everyone!

  • Daria

    Hey Gina, You should probably check to make sure the young men you are pursuing aren't already married.

  • Ryan

    Good for you Heidi. All the best to you two.

  • Ryan

    Hi Annie, I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your daughter. Coming from a late 20's male, if you two seems to be enjoying the fun aspect of it then absolutely go for it. However, I think in able for a relationship to be something special it needs to be more than just a physical connection again this is just my opinion. All the best.

  • This is a very good and a very personal question. I am tempted to say that since you don't really know when you are going to have this kind of opportunity again, enjoy it and make the most of it while it lasts. Replacing your eldest daughter in part with this relationship is understandable and it's nothing that should be condemned.

  • Annie

    I have just started seeing someone casually who is 9 years younger than me. I'm 51. My worry is that I'm already falling for him and for all the wrong reasons,. I lost my eldest daughter 20 months ago and I think I'm using him as a distraction. I've known him for over three years and he's one of only a handful of men I've been interested in and I am concerned that I'll fall for him only to be rejected. Sex is great and all but I need more than that. Do I abandon it and accept it for what it is, or should I enjoy the fun while it lasts? Can a casual fling end up being more especially with an age gap? He has no kids and I have two teenagers. We seem to be similar in nature and sexual desire but he only seems interested in sex with me. I'm so confused!!

  • SRV

    Hello Dear, in terms of the age gap we are almost in the same situation. I am 31 and my boyfriend will turn 21 in November! and we've been dating since August 2012. Such a long time, believe me I couldn't imagine that I am still with him after 2 years :)) BTW I met his Mom three times since we began dating, I also met his Grandma twice and his Father once !! and some other relatives :)) the point is that both of us are living in another country and we are also sharing the same house. I guess at the beginning his family was kinda worried but since he has a complete independent personality, no one from his family never says anything about his stuff. consider that his mom is too young, she is 41!! what a coincidence !!

    I always tried to respect his family, and keep my distance. But when it is needed I am fully available. Last time I saw his mom was this winter and she somehow became totally friendly with me. I guess it is important for them to understand that an older girl is not there to steel anything from their Boy!she is there to cheer up and have a good time.: and since I have a job while I am a student and also she had time to get to know me and make sure I am not there to take advantage of their money, now she feels more friendly. She even told my boyfriend that she has regrets about our age gap, because she thought it is a problem for us to stay in a long term relationship!! Wow it was a relief to here that..but dear it took time to become this. and I guess it is too soon for you to become much emotional about your relationship 🙂 be patient, my biggest advice, and believe me you will be surprised a lot during your relationship. Just remember that moms are always so fussy about the girl who is dating their son! they always picture a princess for their master peace :))) no offence but everyone knows that:D

    After 2 years I still have lots of doubts, bad days, difficult decisions to make and so on.. but there is still so much to hold on to that I cannot let go 🙂

    wish you luck

  • Totally agree. I have never met a woman who didn't look her age. Some women in their 40's and 50's look very attractive and fit, but their still look their age. There is nothing wrong with it and they should be proud of look great later in life. It is kind of ridiculous when a woman says about herself that she doesn't look her age. Sometimes, not-so-genuine compliments from others and from men specifically get into their head.

  • Taken aback

    I am a 45 y/o woman and have been seeing a 27 y/o guy for a couple of weeks.

    It is weird and I do wonder what he sees in me. He is sweet and affectionate and I am happy enjoy that for now and see where things lead.

    But this wasn't actually the point of my post.

    I am completely flabbergasted by all of the women on here who are 40, 45, 50+ claiming to look like they are in their 20's.

    Either this website just happens to attract every freak of nature who isn't shwoing their age, or every female narcissist around or, every self-deluded liar.

    Seriously ladies — hardly ANYBODY, even celebrities who spend a considerable amount of every day preserving their looks actually looks 20+ years younger in the flesh — and if you think that your younger guy is with you due to the fact that you look younger (and the fact that you mention it would indicate that you do) then be prepared to live in fear every day you are with him.

    I am just so disappointed to see so many women who are equating the fact that they think they look young with their self-esteem —- and it makes me wonder if the poor young men they are dating are just more tools to enable their delusions.

  • As they say, once a cheater, always a cheater. Many people assume that they are so special that the person they are with won't cheat on them, even though he/she cheated on several of the exes. This is usually not true and the pattern continues.

  • WDMn73

    I have gone with married woman when I was younger. One of my married girlfriends quit her husband and married me. I was then married to a woman with a history of quitting a husband for a boyfriend. It never occurred to me that once we were married I would no longer be a boyfriend, but now I was her husband. It didn't take her long to trade me in on a newer model. That was my last marriage. Now I only go with unattached, unmarried trustworthy ladies.

  • I turned 50 today. Half a century old. I have been in a relationship with a 33 year old man for 10 months. He is Mexican, and I speak no spanish, LOL, yet we have no problem communicating. I am in love with him, and it scares the hell out of me.

  • Tom

    Mah thats okay I am just joking wouldn't want that really..

  • You are funny. Sorry, we don't provide those kind of referral services (yet). 😉

  • Tom

    Thanks I'll look at the article! I

    I agree it would be a very special experience I hope I don't miss!

    You know if you had any contacts of women between their late twenties and forties I wouldnt mind talking to them.

  • 🙂 The reason I mentioned it was common is because I remember myself and many of my friends openly talk about how cool it would have been dating an older woman. They are often much easier to get along with, more interesting, and more sexually driven among other things. (see this article: http://www.practicalhappiness.com/why-you-might-e

    Few guys get to make it happen when they are in their late teens or early twenties, but the ones who do often get to experience something very special, even if it's short lived.

  • Tom

    I was wondering if you were going to say it was common 🙂

    Thanks for replying! I want to try, I am not sure when I will get a good opportunity. But your news is good news certainly! It dose make sense with what I already know

  • It's actually quite common for younger guys to want to date and even be sexually attracted to older women for a variety of reasons, so if that's what you want, you should try to experience it. As far as meeting older women, they are usually more comfortable in their own skin and more direct, so approaching them and starting conversations should be easier than with the younger girls.

  • Tommy

    I am a seventeen year old boy, I will be 18 in three months.

    I continue to tell myself I do not want a girlfriend or better should I say a relationship in the future. Of course who am I to say I haven't had a girlfriend yet I confess. Well NOT exactly.. I am not going to go into the details there. I always tell myself that I need to stay away from relationships not just now but down the road…

    But I do find I am attracted to women ten, twenty years older than me a skeptic might just think me aggressive and rude saying that but in all fairness is that I enjoy being around people older than me. I have friends my age or I should a couple close friends but overall throughout my childhood I have noticed I like socializing with those older than me than my peers.

    My chief passion in life is learning more than anything else, is learning I am fascinated with humanity and the world's its self- this started with a passion in history.

    I admit I have been called an "old soul" by my best female friend (never a date).

    But what can I say?

    What should I do? Should I try it sometime?

    And if someone would be so kind, I would like advice on should just how I would go through with meeting an older woman I was interested in. Its not that I am shy or that I don't like talking to people- I do but I am not sure how I would do this.

    Any advice or response will be appreciated

  • Jade

    Hi again. ..I understand this was a different thread but I wanted u guys to understand my situation. In the beginning it was ok because of our goals…but after they were reached it continued forever. I stayed because I loved him and hoped he would eventually keep his word but he never did…now I am really feeling this younger guy. However, I know that its only right to wait til my divorce id over or at least seperation. I guess I am just really confused snd wanted to share with you guys. .thanks for listening to me

  • @ Donna Thanks for sharing your story. Indeed, you can't really blame anyone other than yourself for not bringing up the issue of your husband pulling out and not ejaculating into you for so long. How would he know that it was such a big deal to you, unless you shared it with him.
    Other than that, if you have any specific questions about your situation with your husband or the 24 year-old who is pursuing you, please let us know what your question is, and we will follow up.

  • Jade

    Guys I am dealing with a seriously tough issue. Married 10 yrs. My husband has a daughter 15 and me a son 21. In the beginning we both discussed having a child in thr near future after purchasing a home and securing our finances. It was a good idea because we both had great jobs. Well as time passed 10 yrs later 39 still no baby but most importantly guys the pain and mental frustration of having sex with my husband for 10 yrs straight and he has never ever had an erection inside of me? Honestly we both enjoyed the sex but when he pull out, it makes me sick and even numb. It's my fault for allowing it to go on. I told him that he lied to me and never wanted children. I resented my husband for years holding on to unspoken pain..still do. I was recently in an auto accident and for some reason or another, I can't stop thinking about these feelings. Other than this he is a good husband. I don't know how to feel. Kids isn't an option. I am tired of his excuse that our marital issues and disagreements are the blame. When I ask why the marital issues in his previous marriage wasn't a problem enough for him to share himself with her…he has no answer. I am filing for a divorce. .all married couples have disagreements and issues but their husbands sure don't hold back in that department for 10 years straight. I am fit and very attractive. .I have Never cheated on my husband. In my opinion he never intended on having children with anyone but his ex Japanese wife who divorced him..

    fast forward, I am 39 and look 25-28

    I am being persued by a 24 yr old who makes me feel like everything in the world good..I have not slept with him because I have not divorced yet..its so hard guys. He adores me and I want him so bad. Please Help

  • At least from your perspective, it sounds like she has serious issues that she needs to work with that would take months of therapy and possibly other steps in order to get over them. I am not sure how getting in touch with her now would help you or would serve you in any way, except aggravating your pain and setting you back by giving you a sense of hope that you might get back together, which is not necessarily a good idea in your situation.

  • Kaafir

    she would always say her mother brought her up violently and beat her up as a child etc. and therefore her ways of reacting violently and threatening to take her life or break the ouse down in anger. I would do all i possibly could and almost would take on everything lying down in a hope to maybe sometime she would realise how life can be. this was only getting me phobic and scared of her as time went along. I even took to it the point of marrying and our parents met. After it was finalised that night her father fainted suddenly. while driving her to the hospital while my parents drove her parents i just said to her that on auspicious occasion this was very very weird and wonder if the universe was hinting at we delaying things or maybe do prayers etc. she was high on alcohol and i was too. she flared up and blasted me for saying such a thing. and then taunting on how i was driving etc etc. i said well I'm sorry you can ignore this . however she never spoke after. the following morning she messaged my mother 7 long sms saying how they should talk to me,how she doesn't want to be with me, how she will rather be alone etc. this was all an impulsive outburst. My parents as supportive didn't like it and felt that if before marrying this is the case what would it be later. when i asked her why did she drag the parents her answer was i could have not messaged my parents because they were stressed about what had happened last night. i was just succumbing under pressure of the fact that every argument didn't have to reach hell. i kept a stone on my heart and closed the chapter.

    though i did take her for healing or meeting counsellors etc. she met and would be fine. then again the same story. she would go out partying and i would message or call to ask her if she was fine . the entire night no reply. next morning sorry was dancing etc. took it all quietly and happily.

    every time we would fight she would break up or threaten to leave and i would resist and hold her on. this time when i hit the roof, it had ended?? was it so easy for her. then i keep getting random messages either of wrath and fury and disgust and then the next moment of how she misses the old times but will not love me or anyone etc etc.

    i have kept quiet and not responded to anything, with everyone close to me telling me, how she has been all the years and the ego and the walls are too cold. I m 27 she turns 33.

    its her birthday next weekend, do i message or ask her to meet and talk? do i send her a gift or present??

    do i ignore all of it completely? do i carry on with life ? i feel guilty of getting into another relationship with the fact that i assume she may be as upset(though she tells me how she will marry and be happy and is making plans with her friends of going out etc, while i have cut off from everything) and how can i look for happiness?

    what does the community advise ??

  • Thanks for sharing your experience. Unfortunately, extreme anger issues can be a deal breaker even if everything else is perfect. You most likely did the right thing by breaking it off. Unless a person is open to therapy or treatment, anger issues don't really go away and they only get worse with time.

  • Kaafir

    i am 26 and was seeing a girl older to me by 6 years. she had been out of a marriage before which was dull and boring.

    to be honest we had the craziest time of our life and shared the most happy holidays and intimate moments. the trouble was only that i would sometimes fall prey to comparing how she was doing in her career and how i was. This did bother me and i did work hard to go leaps and bounds. Unfortunately her temper would be such a rage and i would either have my bags flying out of the house or the pictures broken in her rage. I carried this on for 4 years and were about to marry till when one more bout of anger and i had broken down completely. i couldn't live in the fear of whether she continues her repeated pattern of temper.

    she messaged me months later expressing such anger and disgust and i kept quiet, post then i recieved another message of how my love had brought back love for herself back in her life etc etc. i still miss her so badly but don't know whether her ego would surpass the will to love. should i move on.. everyone tells me so that respect is important but i am so attached to her.

  • It sounds like you enjoyed it while it lasted but it was time to let each other go.

  • jo berry

    Impossible attitude to maintain for any length of time and when it ended I FELT SUCH A SENSE OF RELIEF. IT WAS A CRAZY YEAR and I would not recommend having a 23 year age difference intense love affair to anyone. It was very hard for us to stop seeing each other but it had to end. We had to be realistic…..there was no future for us as a couple. Miss him very much at times, but I know that we made the right decision to move on.

  • This is a classic dilemma. Chances are this is not a forever after relationship, but then again it could be that way regardless of the age difference. You should probably enjoy it and make the most out of what you have now without worrying too much about the future. It's not necessarily the easiest attitude to have if you really like someone, but it's the one worth trying to adopt and follow.

  • I'm 24 and dating a 33 year old. The age difference isn't crazy but she's decided that its not a good look for her to date a guy 9 years younger than her. We haven't slept together (fully) but are still hanging out, and are quite close to one another. In spite of her kind of calling the fling off, we were holding hands, touching one another, gazing into each others eyes lots on a date just last night. I wanted to kiss her the whole night but didn't find the courage. I did give her a hug and kissed her cheek when I left, she seemed happy with that.

    I don't want to pressure her or anything, I know she wants to sort her life out, but I'm hoping we can do more in this relationship. I'm happy with a fling and being a guy am obviously thinking of the physical but I don't want to let her slip away and have just another missed opportunity. We've only been dating for a month so early days I guess.

    Is there hope, should I stick with her (as long as she wants to) and see if anything else will come of our fling? Maybe make some more moves (the chemistry is there, even if she vocally pushes me away at times). Or should I be moving on, and accepting this as a plutonic relationship.

    To be honest though, I haven't felt this close with a girl I've dated in maybe three years. Even the girls I've been completely physical with have seem superfluous compared to this girl. It's a shame about the age difference, while not massive, it seems to effect both of our reactions to the relationship.

    (Perhaps we've talked about serious things, what we want from life too many times as well. Perhaps this has complicated the chances of a complete, you only live once type fling from happening. I tend to talk/over think too much, rather than just making moves)

  • Thanks for the update. It is so true and more and more people realize this – when you take the pressure off the situation, have no expectations to be together forever after and just enjoying what you have while having it, it can make the time you spend together, including sex, all the more exciting.

  • Charlie

    Posted here about a year ago…20yrs old at the time with a 45yr old. Fast forward a year later, still goin strong lol

    It's mutually understood there is no 'happily ever after', tho it seems the only issue at this point is on her end, im a pretty big part in her life, her young childs life, yet on my end i keep it very seperate and even tho she gets why it still does not make her feel good at times..when we are together its ALWAYS great its those times when were consumed in our own lievs and not spending as much time together we somehow cant ride/sustain the highs and they become lows

  • Thanks for sharing your story. Out of all the comments on here, yours must be the biggest age difference. This must be a very special experience for both you and the guy, regardless of the final outcome, and something to remember.

  • It is so lovely to hear these stories which sound similar to mine. I came out if a 26 year marriage shocked at it ending and moved to the Middle East. I met a man similar age but after dating for one month it was clear he was not committed or over a previous relationship. However it was New Year's Eve and we were out together albeit rather a frosty atmosphere when standing in the corner of the bar a young man stood and kept winking and tossing his head to come over which naturally I ignored. Well the atmosphere didn't improve so I decided to leave having made my way to the ladies first. On leaving the ladies the young man stood outside with a pen and paper asking for my number and name while his friend was pulling his arm saying "no not this lady!"

    Well I didn't think about it having the difficulties on my mind but received a text the next morning from the young man. I replied but only out of politeness a curt hello.

    Ten days later I was in a different country having given the other man another chance but shown again his selfishness I received a call from the young man asking me out. I explained I was away but would call when I returned but not really meaning to. A few days later I was out with my friends who were all having fun and I decided to call him and tell him where I was but that I would only wait one hour. True to his word he was there! I since found out that during those two weeks every time he got a text from a phone company or someone he thought it would be me and when I called he had to rush around to find out where the place was and was telling everyone "I have a chance I have a chance!"

    Well he was 21 (first he said 25) and I was 52 and that was 2 years ago and we have been married a year and still very much in love. We had problems with language in the beginning but now that is not an issue. We recently had to get our marriage authorised and needed two witnesses and ironically one of them was his friend who tried to pull him away on the first day!

    Nothing is perfect, there are no guarantees so be happy day by day. No one knows the future and so grab every opportunity you can to be with someone who loves you for you, who makes you laugh regardless of the age difference or what other people say or think. It is your life and you should live it how you choose. Good luck to you all and every happiness.

  • Hello, Elle. Well, like in any other dating situation, anything can happen, especially given his age. You should just enjoy getting to know each other and take it one day at a time. The fact that he is so much younger make is less likely that he will commit for obvious reasons, but that's not impossible.

  • elle

    hi i just started dating a younger man his 21 and i'm 28 i dont know what to expect in the relationship but we both love eachother i'm just afraid that he wont commit i'm confused since i'm not used dating younger man

  • Hi, Eve. Thank you for sharing your story. It's a great mindset to have, and as long as you are honest with each other and above all – you are honest with yourself about setting your expectation for the near and more distant future, you both should enjoy what you have while you have it.

  • Eve

    Thank you all for these comments, it really helps to get my own conclusions. I am 42 dating a 24 years old-guy. I am almost divorced, living along and always like to hang out with younger people. I had some encounters with young guys, but nothing more than one-night stands, as it was never my intention to start a relationship with someone much younger than me. So, this relationship started differently, as I really liked him from the first time I saw him, not physically speaking but more because i felt he thinks very similar to me. I enjoyed very much the time when we and our friends where together, got a lot of fun.
    Well, in the meanwhile we like each other very much. He is very polite and cares about me, helps me whenever he cant. He is coming over, staying over night, but somehow I dont want to think so much about the future. First of all we are starting, but i am aware that this – as ANY OTHER RELATIONSHIP – can end. Some people said, he can leave me for a younger woman. I answer them: A same aged man or older can leave also for same reasons. So, whatever it is, I think it is not only about the age. BUT: i think it is better to go with cold head, not in this kind of relationship, but in ANY, just to avoid dissapointments.
    Like in any other relationship, I think time will tell me if this has future or not.
    I have promised myself not to behave like a 20 years old girl, because I am not.
    I think he feels attracted to me because of my maturity; therefore, I will behave like that.
    Sometimes I feel like i have to correct him with something, but then i think, I am not his mother and dont want to teach him lessons that reminds him how young or unexperienced he is. Same way I wish he doesnt makes comments that remains me how old I am…. So I think the ideal points is just to try that we both feel comfortable with ourselves and with each other. I have showed myself the way I am and think he has been very honest to me in all fields.
    I think I am happy and enjoying this relationship because I dont think so much about the future.

  • Despite us not putting a title on what we are as a couple, we both have agreed to date only each other, at his request! I love that-him wanting only me and for me to be with only him. It's very flattering!

    Our time together, that being at least 4 to 5 days of the week, is so pure, extremely loving, passionate, exciting and electric. He loves to kiss, and so do I, and he does so with tenderness and warmth. As for our lovemaking? It is AMAZING, so hot, and lasts for hours, and it is just so good for us both that we are completely enthralled with each other.

    So when I find myself worrying about the difference in age, I find that the pros definitely outweigh the cons. There is no way I am going to even entertain the thought of letting him go, that would hurt me deeply and he as well. And besides, being with him has made me realize just how unhappy I've been for a very long time, seeing as how happy he has made me; my cup runneth over!

    Who knows what the future will bring? Having this beautiful, sexy and emotionally rich man in my life is beyond the most wonderful gift I could have ever expected to receive. And as long as he feels the same, and believe me-he is lavished with my praises-then that is how long I plan to be his lover, friend, and companion.

    And yes, we are falling in love, and it is simply delicious. For the rest of my younger-man loving cohorts here on this blog, I hope and pray your coupling with your younger man is as lovely and sweet and hope-filled as is mine. God bless you all and let's focus on being happy!!!

  • Hello!

    What a refreshing blog, and a relief to find that I am not alone!!! For the past month and a half, I have been dating a sensitive, loving, affectionate, sexy, beautiful, and gorgeous young man… he is 20 years old and I am 37!

    Yes, there have been concerns on my part mostly; I do have some insecurity about getting older, while he will still be very young. Especially the idea of him possibly finding younger women his own age more appealing as time passes on!

    we are falling in love with each other. We both agree to that

  • @ Amanda. As the article suggests, you have two choices, either you enjoy your time with him whenever and however you can without worrying too much about the future, or you maintain strength and discipline in staying away from him to make sure your marriage is not being jeopardize, unless it's kind of over anyway, if things don't work out between you and your husband.

  • lovegerminated

    I am excited to stumble upon this website. I am 52 and a man aged 32 fell for me. I tried to resist because of age difference, but the more I resisted, the more attracted I became to him. He is a wonderful young man who has revitalized my love life after six years when I broke up with a dishonest man. Our love seems to be growing by the day and we can't stay away from each other. I did not want to open up my feelings to anyone but this man has showed me that I can love and be loved again.

  • Jo

    I am 64 and have been in a somewhat romantic but very intense sexul relationship with a 41 year old man. The first time we met, he made it clear that he found me attractive and pursued me for 5 months before I finally agreed that we could get to know each other better. We are friends and lovers, but I think we both know this will not be a long term affair…..we have only been intimate for the past 5 months. His first marriage was to a woman 10 years older and he admits that he prefers much older women. We stopped seeing each other for an entire week thinking that we both needed to move on. He called me to talk and we met later on. He told me that he loves me and I said it back that night but the confusion remains, Friends my age think that he is using me for sex. He has a corporate job, makes good money. He was married 16 years and has step kids and wants no kids of his own. Yep, he has some faults, as we al do. I can tell that he really cares for me, but I keep pushing him away. I am facing facts….there is just too great of age difference andI don't want either of us to get hurt. It is just too hard to break off all ties since we have beome very close. I do not pursue him, but let him do the wooing. I feel sure that i am not his only lover, but I refuse to put any demands on our relationship. I just do not look forward to ending this love affair and wonder if I should. He has even asked me to a family outing and I would be meeting his mother who is a couple years younger than I am……I said NO! He does make me feel good about myself in many ways and well…the sex has been fantastic!

  • I am 41 and married. I fell hard for a 22 yr old and I had no idea at first but as time went on I heard from two other men he works with that this guy I thought was 29 was actually 22 .when I heard this tears streamed down my face . I can verify that although hearing his real age was like wow ! My feelings for him never changed and I thought they would . I saw him twice and we have text each other sparaticalky over a year and 4 months he says he wants to be with me and never shows up this has happened 3 times . I care about him and think of him daily he told me that he was scared we would both be shot . I don't know if he is really scared or just not into me . He and I just had a very special connection I miss him everyday . I want to let him go but I can't get him out of my head .. Please help ..

  • RMarcK

    All very interesting responses. I met a woman about two weeks ago who is 66. I am 55. She has a son (43) and a grandson, and I have no kids. We both admit that when we first met we caught each others eye. We've emailed and texted each other many times, and one night talked on the phone for about 3 hours. Because of obligations we haven't been able to get together, but that will change in the near future as obligations will have been met.

    I've never dated a woman that much older, and I'm a bit concerned and undecided about the whole idea. And I don't know the age differences between her and her ex's. She is a retired federal employee. I will retire from federal service in two years. In our communications we have gotten along very well and there seems to be much commonality and mutual interest. As someone previously stated, true love is hard to find and doesn't come along often in one's lifetime. I had that with my last girlfriend, and I miss that.

    Other than the option of giving the relationship a chance and seeing where things go, I'm not sure what to do. Is 11 years too much of a difference?

  • I am 58 years old and this 32 year old guy seems to have his head on straight. Has his own house, vehicles, works etc. we hit it off but Im not sure its going to last long/it might. Whats your opinion on this relationship anybody out there?

  • @ Jenna. Thanks! Ironically, this is one of the more popular articles on this site, which says a lot about the fact that the younger guy / older woman is a much more common dating situation that many of us would expect.

  • Wonderful website!!! I absolutely never would have tought that so many young guys would date older women. I was divorced several years ago and for 3 years never dated at all but many times guys much younger would want dates which I laughed off. After rethinking about dating the young men, I acceped and have been dating these younger guys for about 6 years. I am 56 but everyone says I dont look past 40. I will never remarry but I am having such a fun time dating! I never knew that sex could be so amazing,my last guy (age 24) picked me completely up and carried me to the bed. My heart was beating so fast I thought I would explode! I fully agree with another post on here, if an older woman is asked by a much younger guy, then BY ALL MEANS, be with him! One young man that I dated was 29 years old when I was 54 and his mother and I became very close. She urged us to marry but it was just not in the cards.I have no intention of giving up dating the younger men, I love pleasing them!!

  • Aysegul

    Hi Happy.

    I am exactly in the same situation myself. I am 36 (look 27) with no kids and he is nearly 23. We like each other a lot and he is so special to me. Have no idea what the future will bring for us. Future is not here yet and I have present to live for. I have to admit, I do think about the so little possibility of us being together forever, however I know that my life is no fairy tale. 🙁

    Hope I will not get hurt too much at the end.

    I like to think that if things are meant to be happening then they will find their way of happening.

    I only wish to be happy and still have not found my true love. After 2 unsuccessful marriages, I am determine to find and have my true love or I rather die single. There is no need to be with a man if that man is not the one who I am truly in love with. From my previous experiences I know I was never in love with neither of my husbands.

    One problem I am facing now tho, I am only attracted to young men and any man at my age or older, to me, look like an older brother or uncle. 🙁

    I really hope that one day with someone, will find an ever lasting true happiness but in the mean time I have decided to live for today and enjoy my happiness when I am with him.

  • Nate

    Heya! I'm not really looking for advice here, but I would love and greatly appreciate some insights from the older women on here! I'm 21, my women is 47…We clicked instantly, are like best friends, started out not so serious, quickly escalated to a relationship, with a commitment etc But we know there is an expiry date, and soon she will want more, a real potential long term partner she can settle down with…ive told her the situation suits me very well and i am not expecting or wanting anything more anytime soon (until I have my career where I want it to be)…We have so much fun together, literally no arguements or fights its just pure laughs and good times. We have a good sense of humour about the whole situation, although there is the odd time where emotions are high and it gets hard to deal with…She had to sort of take a step back at one point, put things into perspective cause she was feeling too much. For the most part all is well and we are happy with it, were not trying to predict the future, just enjoy what we have now while we have it..I wouldn't call this love, it's almost as if its off limits and if one of us openly felt that way it would just be wierd and change things…This is coming from a guy who has never felt strongly for a girl, or been in a relationship to this extent, until now…Although I feel strongly, knowing that this has an end, in a way holds me back from compeltely letting go if ya know what im saying…obvously if the age was not factor, the potential for more would be there, and not saying it would work out, but it would be explored, and because we have such a strong connection it would probably friggen work out!! But, we are kinda in out own little world, reality doesn't cross over much , so things seem perfect, who knows what would happen if life gets in the way, and when it eventually will. Not 100% sure what kind of responses I am hoping for…i dont understand this whole love nonsense! I dont get how ppl fall in love, think its real, it dies, and its rinse and repeat…makes no sense to me. I cant even imagine myself 'falling in love'..wtf does that even mean! There are tons of ppl out there you can meet, have a good connection with, chemistry, attaction etc. and if you borth decide to let your guard down, get lost in what you have…then what, is that love? Just cause you let go and it feels amazing…i mean, if/when it fades, and you decide to part ways, was it even love in the first place…think about all the times you've 'been in love'.,was it lust? the 'idea' of being with that person? secutiy of somesort?? sorry to get outta hand here, i just think that if it is true love, it will stand the test of time, and it will last….i think if i ever love somone, it will be a slowwwww process and my heart will be taken bit by bit by bit until i wake up and realize one day im in love! There is a chance i am just saying this because I am afraid to completely let loose with someone…especial in my situation where i know it cannot work. Thanks for reading! Seriously!

  • Bubbles

    Huh. Try 25 years!

    I'm 25 years older. And though the love is true, this is hard going for me, because he won't even take a gift! I have more money (of course, I've hat 25 more years to work on that) but he doesn't feel like a man unless he can keep up. By the way I a 54. He's 29. I look very young, which helps I guess, but I still have sore wrists and knees and I don't feel good revealing that to him.

    Another interesting thing. We have had problems and I am seeing a shrink (i've had depression my whole life, so this is not just about this guy). She said to me "does he see you as a mother figure?" and "Do you think he might be off with someone younger?" The love is real for both of us and, like there are in other relationships, we are having a few issues, but was this even ethical?

  • Cherry

    Hey Shelly

    1st take some time out of the problem. Let yourself breath for a few days, give yourself permission to not worry for a short time and really not woryy it takes mental discipline to stop our minds from focusing on a problem but if you want to gain clarity you need to stop thinking it over continously.

    2nd sit down with your man and yes he is a man at 24 and quietly discuss how the two of you are going to oragnise a meet with all involved people, and explain your love, and plans.

    3rd Allow the others to feel what they feel, without it effecting your decisions for your life.

    No one can tell you the answer you have to look into yourself, whats right for your journey, those who support you in life maynot like the decision but it is yours to make free of judgement

  • Shelly

    Hi there..Im so glad I found this article, as I also have a dilemma..I'm 48 years and I have met a 24 year old guy..i have very strong feelings for him and him, for me. The problem is his mother is my friend, (she is mid fifties) and she pushed us together in the beginning..but since we have become serious, she disapproves and is extremely jealous of our relationship..which to some extent I do understand.

    She says we are sick as he is a 'boy'… which makes me feel like I have committed a crime..but I cant help the way I feel about this guy and he openly tells her he loves me. He is two months younger than my daughter and my family do not know about our relationship,. as I can imagine their reaction…It all seems such a mess..part of me says for it not to continue and the other part says..go for it!! what to do????

  • Tammy Sloan

    I'm 43 and 5 months pregnant to a 20 year old guy. We are not living together and the baby was unplanned. I thought that I could not havie anymore babies so we did not use birthcontrol. To my surprise 4 months into our relationship my panties starting getting tight. He loves telling people how he got a 43 year old chick knocked up. I kinda like the ideal of a 20 year old guy being the father.

    Their are so downs to this. His mother is not happy, it could be that i'm older than she is and that she is also pregnant with her new boyfriend and i will give birth before her. He wants to get married but i do not. I am set and own a home. I do not want to mess that up with some divorce later on. I am just going to see how it goes

  • Devonte

    Hello my name is devonte i am 18 years old, and i am dating a 44 year old woman whose olders kid is 28. We are so in love with each other but she can be very insecure at times but we are to happy together. I always been attracted to older women but never knew i would be in relations with someone this age.i love it and i dont regret it

  • Andy

    Hello,

    I am in between jobs at the moment, and am doing a couple of days volunteering in an office for a local charity. I am 25 years old, and have never had a girlfriend, or relationship of any kind.

    Quite frankly I started to believe it was never going to happen, that in terms of where my priorities should lie, that there was only room enough in my life for one thing between getting the right job and meeting someone, and that the job is the only thing I’ll have any chance of getting.

    Basically, I could start to see the road ahead leading to me being alone, and I knew I had no choice but to accept it and focus as best as I could on other things.

    I suppose this may then seem archetypal, but it appears right at the point of accepting my future, I met someone.

    She is one of the two paid part-time office staff at the office I volunteer in. I haven’t asked her age as it wouldn’t be right, nor does that matter to me. Best guess would be late 30s/early 40s.

    It’s been near a couple of months now, a considerably short time granted, but from the moment I met here, I’ve never enjoyed sharing someone’s company more than I have hers.

    What’s really been great is that there was a couple of weeks from the point I started volunteering till I met her, with the first time ended up seeing me spent to entire day alone with her in the office.

    Right from that first day, I clicked with her. We have got along great from the moment we met, it feels like I’ve known her years, it’s that good a feeling. The more time we spend together, the more I enjoy it, she’s that good/warm a person, one of the best I’ve met in life period.

    What I wasn’t expecting however, and if could get some opinions on these I would very much appreciate, was that I have observed some signs that appear to suggest that she may in fact like me aswell.

    If I can list here some of things that have happened/I have noticed, please feel free to comment.

    1. She laughs at a lot of my jokes (I know some of them are probably bad, my own opinion is of that anyway).

    2. When I left the office recently, just as I was going out the door, she touched me on the arm as she said goodbye to me (I know it doesn’t mean much but is something as far as physical contact goes)

    3. When we last got sometime in the office alone, she immediately wanted to start talking to me.

    I know that’s not a lot to go on, but as far as 3 main things for at least liking my company, I’m just wondering if I’m not as far off about this as I thought.

    This was however until last Friday, where at the end of fundraising event I with her at, I ended up missing out on a chance to go get a drink with her and couple of others in the pub. I got completely screwed up with timing on when I knew I needed to get back home that day, otherwise I would have gone with her 100%.

    I even forgot to just say ‘see ya’ at the end of the day as I could see my bus heading back home approaching & I just went and got that.

    I followed this error up by changing my couple of days volunteering for this past week, thinking there were going to be too many people in on the day she was in, when in fact I didn’t need to change at all.

    I’m not sure if I’m over reacting, but since this time I’ve been nothing in my head other than I’ve killed any chances of moving forward on something special with her, if I had continued to do it the right way, showing the proper respect and dignity as best I can.

    I’ve also felt a little down recently because of the realisation also hitting me that I have to still continue to look for work, and I’ve made 3 new applications since the turn of the month.

    Around this time last year, I was enjoying working as part of a great trio/quartet of people. The job wasn’t great, temporary agency assignment work, but I had a great time with them. After three months I got myself another job, what I assumed was a permanent job, which seemed great.

    This change I made ruined everything, the people in this new place were quite literally the opposite to me, and in end I was lied to about the security of job. I thought it was permanent, turned out it was due to become obsolete in a matter of months.

    I basically had a great thing going in my life. It was the best thing in my life, and it turned to the most miserable, just like that, before I had time to react. I threw it all away, and that experience is going haunt me for a long time to come. Not surprisingly it’s creeping up on me now as it’s close to the 1 year anniversary, for lack of a better term.

    This brings me back to today. With things starting to feel so similar, I am afraid of once again missing out on something important, and from what started as a natural attraction to her (she is very attractive), I know in my heart is developing into something more, something I never expected to occur.

    I know now it is only a matter of time before I will be moving on to a new job, but before that happens I feel I need to express my feelings to her. At the very least I want her to know how much I like & respect her, but I want to do it so as to very least, if I can’t be with her in the way I could only hope to, that I can allow me to earn her respect.

    I really don’t want to lose her from my life. I’ve already failed to keep in touch with a few people from university, aswell as naturally missing out on keeping in touch with the people I worked with last year. I don’t want that to happen again, especially considering how I feel about her.

    Apologies for length of this, don’t exactly want to bore people with my troubles/life story. Hope it doesn’t sound overly dramatic either, but sufficed to say, this really does feels like an extremely important crossroad, and ideally I would love to be with her, and to try and be the best I could be with her, for her. I don’t give a damn about the age difference, I really don’t, not after spending time with her, I wouldn’t give a damn who knew.

    Any and all help very appreciated,

    Cheers

  • Reader

    I'll be 37 this month; my boyfriend is 22. I never imagined I'd be with someone so much younger. However, he's my world – I adore him and could not live without him.

    Thanks for the article!

  • drog2002

    Nik – I do understand.

    I had a couple of 'moments' with his friends…he is very much in tune with me when it is just us, but…there was this FB Pokemon thread that made me look all crazy…and his roommate is so clearly a childish person…BUT, the benefits of having him in my life FAR outweigh these little oddities. He put it this way – "Look. Let's do this thing. If it doesn't work out, you can always date the older guys later – they will still be there." He's right. Why am I so concerned about the future – far out future? My last relationship was a year, and the one before that was 3.5 years, and the one before that was 6.5 years… If we spent 6.5 years together, and it was really good, wouldn't that be a blessing? I decided to jump in. I look 32-38, he looks 28-35…but I am 48 and he is 22. Don't let some social BS keep you from being happy. We have to grab happiness when it comes our way! Wishing you the Best. 🙂

  • Nik

    I'm a 38 yo woman who's been dating a 24 year old for 7 months. I'm in complete turmoil over how other people perceive me as i've always lived my life the 'right' way, ie. to social standards of the people around me. We started as a fling, just having fun, which then moved into having some feelings for each other, then this limbo of not knowing what we are. Are we bf/gf, or just exclusive friends with benefits etc. My partner wanted us to jump in both feet and just go for it, but i'm so scared of what people will think, my parents, my friends etc. (none of my friends have met him, and i feel like a prize b**tc about that). I'm not doing right by him or my friends and family but not letting them make up their own minds, I know that, but i'm just so scared of the judgements. Especially from my father, who I think will be really dissapointed. I met his long term friends for the first time this weekend, and it wasn't easy. (they live in a a town 8 hours away so he doesn't see them often). I could definitely see more of the age gap with his friends. So much so that I freaked out and I ended things this morning. Now I'm really sad, and think i've made a mistake. I just don't know how to just live my life for me, and not worry about what other people think. And how do you not worry about what the future holds i.e. kids (i have none). I'm not even sure I want kids, but what if I change my mind in a year? and he's not ready? God I'm so confused. Any help would be much appreciated.

  • @privatehelp01
    It seems that for most people it takes years or decades to realize and appreciate how rare real love is and how lucky a person is to experience it even once or twice in a lifetime.

  • privatehelp01

    as a young man of 25, i completely agree with mandi, growing i saw how so many people treated each other and love, like it was so easily disposable, and trust me i know love is incredibly rare these days, so if you love each other hold onto it and don't let it go, other wise it'll kill you if you do, true love is so hard to find like i said and found promise me you won't let it go, trust me we young men like older woman because we get no mess or fuss, or games, what we get is a woman a real one not a little girl who stomps her feet when she gets mad, but a woman who we get a proper realationship with so remember don't let go.

  • nessie

    It is nice to find a site on this – that isnt completely negative. I am waiting the two years to do a no blame divorce from my husband who I have been with for 20 years. I am two months away… 5 months ago after thinking I was imagining his attraction to me and that I was a dirty old woman for thinking there might be somethhng, my co worker and I got it together. He is nearly 11 years my junior. We have kept it secret from work and I have no intention of letting any family know. I love being with him but cannot contemplate how a young man with his future ahead of him can like me in this way. What I hate is my mature head telling me to enjoy it as it wont ast. I am his first girlfriend, his first lover. I am 40 and have three children, I also suffer with chronic pain. To begin with it was more an affair but it has developed into somthing much more serious, I have tried to end it but ended up hurting more. When I am with him it is wonderful, but yes I dont know how long it can really go on for and I find myself worrying as I have devloped strong feelings for him and am scared of the hurt. He will want a family, I have about 5 years left if lucky – this is never going to go anywhere – but what I hate is starting out on this premise and I feel like I am depriving him of a normal relationship

  • drog2002

    Thank you for your sweet story.

    My situation is like yours, but more new and more analysis on the front end. I feel he is more mature than I am, although he is half my age. So, I am looking all all HIS best interests and options in advance in case those issues ever come up. I cannot birth babies, but I CAN afford a surrogate…Not too worried about the old lady syndrome as I seem to be getting younger? Odd as that is. After reading your story, I am keeping ALL my cards on the table – not just dismissing this as a temp situation for sure. Thank you.

  • drog2002

    Thanks for sharing your story.

    I especially like the words "what I really want is to be happy", and "Happiness comes in many different ways, Sometimes it just falls right into your lap when you least expect it."

    Though our age gap is MUCH bigger than yours, that is the same logic I am following. I look 32, he looks 28. We are happy. He is in the Army and will be deployed in 7 months. What if this is his only chance at happiness? We understand so little about the big picture. Who are we to reject the happiness when it falls into our laps simply for societal discrimination, etc.

  • drog2002

    I recently had a year long relationship with one 11 years my junior – he was NOT mature about the whole age thing. He fell in love first, then started acting weird after I followed suit…my advice: if you are not in love with her, end it as kindly as possible citing differences in future goals or something…my ex made cracks about me being old, etc. was not kind. made him feel better…bad mojo.

    Good news is that very much by accident, I am now seeing someone 26 years my junior – I look 32, he looks 28 – feels GREAT for both of us. It was good for me to see that it was never an age issue, but a maturity issue – on his end (the ex). He is just a friend now, and could not be more bothered about my current situation.

    So. if you truly do not want this woman, free her to be happy with someone else, but do it kindly. Being friendly is in everyone's best interest.

  • drog2002

    no. you are not sick.

    I'm 48 and seeing a 22 year old – also very mature for some odd reason.

    He is 4 months younger than my youngest child.

    I feel that the future will work itself out, but the NOW is of extreme importance or we would not have found each other. I look 32 and he looks older – someone thought his 19 year old assistant was his SON! LOL

    Crazy times, but NO you are not sick.

    Best of luck to you both.

  • drog2002

    Good for you.

  • GeekGirl

    Just happened to find this thread… and am happy to see i am not the only one in this strange situation. Two years ago, while going through a very emotional divorce after 14 years of marriage with my college sweetheart, i met this guy at an office party. he was invited by someone else as a guest. i was 37, he was 27 – although neither one of us knew it at that time. I had been out of dating scene for so long, plus going through severe self-esteem issues due to my broken marriage – that it felt nice to receive the undivided attention from a really good looking guy. I thought he was 32, he thought i was single/and in early 30s also.

    We started chatting online, and opened up fairly quickly. Once we knew our ages, status and the fact that i have kids too… i was pretty sure he would slowly fade away. what could he want for me. But we kept on talking for weeks – and it was so easy to discuss anything with him. i didnt even know and he had become my pillar of strength as i went through my divorce. We met twice – for short times, before he joined me on a trip – and thats when our relationship started.

    He has always been upfront with me. And i always told him that it was casual sex… but then i fell for him. I broke off few times, but always went back to him. It was an intense relationship for first year. No commitments, and i encouraged him to see other people too. Although i didn't do the same (in hindsight, i should have too). But he is emotional too… About 10 months back he started seeing someone his age more seriously and told me. Thats when the roller-coaster began… We both got emotional, broke off, had make-up sex, broke off again, made up again – it was an emotional torture for both of us for almost 6 months!!

    And then 5 months back, we finally decided never to get physical again. We can keep our balance when we dont touch each other. We were doing pretty good. He has a girlfriend, so i always assumed it must be easier for him to stick to the rules. I was gradually moving on too, and had started thinking of dating other people.

    Last week, we spent a beautiful evening together – just sitting, chatting and catching up… and after couple of hours, he just got up and left. Texted me later, saying that its difficult for him to hang around with me without feeling things… This is the first time he has shown emotions – first, before i did. This confused me. I know we are best friends. If he is still emotion between us, why aren't we giving it a shot?

    However, reading all the experiences here – i am glad that nothing happened that day. It would take lot of will power, courage and intense love to overcome age difference and family expectations. Why make it more painful than it already is?

    He has to start his family. i have been there, done that… and its only fair that he gets to experience all that too. He loves kids (mine too.. but he wants his own). I can have kids (i am 39 now, and always wanted at least one more) but its his call. It would have been an amazing relationship… Best thing for us to do is try to remain friends, but also move on to our own paths with other people…

    Yes, thats the story i am telling myself. I am not giving up. I am just trying to give up control of things and leaving it to the Universe. I will forever be grateful for having him in my life. He was there for me when i needed him most… and despite all odds he stuck around. And well, so did i. Lets see where it takes us.

    God Bless us all…. 🙂

  • neverthought

    I am a 37yr old who never thought I would be interested in a young man of 28. This guy is sexy, smart, hard worker and has a great sense of humor we have not become had sex but we have become physical I have known him now for a few months and

    I am not sure it is a good idea to go all the way with because I don't want to be a conquest what should I do?

  • Anonymous

    My father,32, was a business man who brought a girl, who was just 18, from a brothel for a sum of money. She is from Kerala to our place and I was nearly 10 years old. My mother was no more as she died of a stroke. My father daily takes liquor enjoys the girl. I was taken to hostel to a good school in kodaikonal where I finished my schooling and went to a engineering college. My father became billionaire and was fond of other woman also. When my father was traveling in the car, he met with an accident and died. My father had cleverly cheated the girl by arranging for a surgery and made her impotent by surgery and used her for sexual pleasure. She was in her thirties and she was very hot with big assets. My father had left no property for her and she had to depend on me for next square meal. I felt her as my mother and respected her. But other side of my heart longed to enjoy her. She was preparing food with different taste. I entered the kitchen to see the preparation. She had taken a bath and a nice smell of ponds shampoo which enticed me and suddenly bounced on her and kissed her and saw her big assets. She wanted to avoid me for keeping the respect. I finished my meal and was feeling very heavy. I early self enjoyed thinking her in my mind. She went to her bed room for taking rest. I entered and raped her two times. She was feeling very happy to receive the heavy doses of hot organs inside her. This continues for the past 3 years. I want to marry her.

  • Chris

    Hello all! Im 22 with someone who is 45! We know there is no long term together, but the relationship is very good, a bit too good! And there is no doubt strong feelings are developing but so far we have tried our best to control them. It works right now for both of us and we imagine it will only last a year or two, but know that it is impossible to predict the future. She has a young child (5yrs old) who's life I am now in. That is my biggest concern with this whole thing, if i have formed a relationship with her child, and if the feelings become stronger and stronger between us, it will be very hard to part ways, although we plan to still be close friends.

  • I am 47 and my ex-husband is 28 we been together for six years now.It hasnt been easy.were in our second year of actually getting a long.He has no children,my tubes our tied but he doesnt cate about that issue.Iam a black woman and he is white.I can tell his family tolerates me.i love family but its been hard.their desires for him is to have a family they seem to think im too old,but i love him.we use to have a blast together but we work alot and i struggle making him happy.he says he is happy but my fear is he will leave sooner or later.i dont know.he show's love unconditionally but i dont know how long.should i not worry?we both have our relaxed buisness we do that not off the ground yet but were doing good to be independent.I thought it would atleast be good in his family's eyes but they simply dont care.they just want him happy perferably not with me.

  • Anonymous

    im 45 and my mate is 28.we were married but gotten devorced.we been together seven years.ee have our moments.the sex use to be like fire,but now its basically trying to keep him satisfied due to my age,woman issues.my question is will he end up leaving me?..i love him just dont know how to keep him.we have no children together.we dont have a foundation together to build finacially.what can i do.please help.q

  • Anonymous

    I am a 44 year old women and He's a 32 year old Man and we just started talking.My Children are all grown and moved out. He has No children. But he Just Want to Be Around Me all the time. But He's Not Expressing How He Really feels. And when i don't call him back he would always say are you mad at me.Any Positive advise?

  • Nancy

    I am 42years old married with 3 children all teenagers having an affair with a man 7 yrs younger married too with 4 kids. We are best friends. He tells me he shares secrets with me and not his wife. I wonder if he loves me or it's just sex, I am confused. Some days he is really into me then some days he won't return my calls. His excuse is his protecting my reputation. I would love to get serious with because I don't love my husband anymore.

  • Anonymous

    I'm a 45yr old woman that's in love with a 32yr old man. We know live together and have been inseperable for the last 2yrs. I met him 15 yrs ago and he has been in love with me since. He always say " I have Loved you ever sincew I was 17 yrs old". It's funny how things work out….just when I was going through a very rocky part of my life …BOOOM!! My knight and shining armour!!!:)

  • Anonymous

    Jon commented on Younger Man / Older Woman.

    in response to arkady39:

    "It is not rare to see a younger guy and an older woman date and have a very intense sexual and romantic relationship, which defies the traditional “older man, younger woman” set-up that we are used to seeing. This is not surprising. First, the fact that such a dating situation is still somewhat taboo makes is all more exciting. Many […]

    I have read most of the posts here and have a situation that I didn't come across here. I am 44 and she is 51, so 7 years age difference. We started dating a little over 2 years ago. I had never dated an older woman and she had never dated a younger man. We started off slow but then fell for eachother. She is the most wonderful woman I have ever met in my life. We have gotten along perfectly since the get go. At first I thought the age difference might be an issue, but that never materialized. What did materialize was she has one son who is 25 and living on his own and I have a 12 year old daughter and a 9 year old son. She has always been wonderful to my children and they adore her. We have talked a lot of times about us spending the rest of our lives together, but it always comes back to the fact that she is done raising kids. My kids live with their mother and I have them on weekends, so it's not like they would be living with us full time. We are at two different stages in our life, she's already raised her son, and I'm still raising mine. Also, the first and only time she met my ex-wife, which was after my father's funeral, my ex took the opportunity to spew her venom about me. This just re-inforced what I had told her my ex was like, so that wasn't the problem. I think she feels that if we live together and I am still raising my children, that means she will have to continually deal with my ex and doesn't need that in her life. We have been broken up for a little over a month because I finally said" if this isnt going anywhere than what are we doing?" I am just having a hard time understanding why I have met the most wonderful woman, but she has the sticking point with my kids. If my kids were older I think we would be together, but we're not and I'm saddened by that."

    There is not that big of an age difference between the two of you. I think in your case it is timing. She made reference to the fact that she's done raising her family. She had her children at a much younger age. I myself did not have my child until I was 37, so by the time I was 51, my child was a teenager. It didn't bother me one bit! Don't give up on this woman. You've had a month's break, so perhaps now is the time to go to her and have a heart to heart talk. I wish you all the luck in the world.

  • dumdumgirl

    I have been working with a younger man who I have fallen completely in love with. He is about 10 years younger (he's late 20s im late 30s), I thought we were getting closer over the past year and have a lot of common, have both had children and when I met him, he was separated, as am I. I was hoping we might end up more than friends eventually, the age difference didn't bother me, but it obviously did him. One month ago I found out he's going back to his ex and moving to another city, I'm not sure but I think it might be a combination of duty and wanting to get away from things here (which is a pretty rash decision). The ex has dragged him in and out of custody mediation and legal actions for the past year, and the last time he talked to me about moving away, he didn't want to, however he's done a 180 and made the decision to do it. I never thought I'd say this, but his leaving can't come soon enough, I am utterly devastated and having to work closely with him is torture. I had my heart on my sleeve and he knows how I feel but now acting really indifferent towards me. I can't compete with his ex in terms of age, and in a strange way feel rejected on the basis of that. I was blindsided, its the first time I was ever attracted to a younger man, but this has left me feeling as though I will never find any sort of happiness again.

  • Mandi

    Its really brave of you to say these things on here. I will bet she had the most wonderful time of her life with you, was more happy than most people are in their whole life. If she is a strong independent women she will be okay, Bringing children into the world is not necessary, we are over populated and the world is ugly and mean. She has her career, her friends and probably will be with another young attractive man with a couple years. Just dont string her along anymore, move on and achieve your goals. Your not an asshole and I hope you find peace and happiness!!!

  • Mandi

    Do itttt! Even if it doesnt last forever, what relationship does nowadays? Your family can get over it or they can be judgemental, who cares, do you see them every day? No, live for you not for them!

  • Mandi

    In my experience if a guy is your best friend he is in love with you, just sayin

  • Mandi

    You need to be honest and just end it, prolonging will just make it more painful for her. The children thing could possibly be fixed, but not being in love with her cant, so just end it already!

  • Maggie

    “Zach on 10 November, 2011”
    Dear Zach,
    Thank you for what you said. I read your post and it made me feel so much better about my relationship with the man I love. He is 37 and I am 58. Like you, he spent time in Iraq via three deployments while in the army. He was married twice. Both marriages ended because of his deployments. He’s been hurt badly and I understand why he is being cautious. I was in a relationship with someone who lied to me from the beginning. It devastated me when I found out the truth.
    We met on a singles site almost two years ago. We chatted a lot with each other, and became good friends. Then one day he said he was leaving the army, and wanted my email address, so I sent it to him. In the meantime, he had his relationships, and I had mine. He even became engaged for a short time to a younger woman, but broke it off a couple of months ago. During this whole time we continued to talk. I knew I was having strong feelings for him, but tried not to show them to him, because of the age difference. Then we started talking almost daily, phoning each other, and used Skype as well. His feelings started to grow for me, and before I knew it, he was asking when I was coming to see him. I flew out to where he lives and stayed with him for three weeks. (I was originally supposed to only stay five days, but he asked me to stay longer, so I extended my stay.)
    When we met at the airport, I was on the phone with him asking where he was waiting for me. He said to look towards the first pickup zone. As I watched for him; it was just like in the movies. There was a mass of people and suddenly through the clearing, there was my man smiling at me as he stood straight and tall wearing his Army Calvary Stetson and his green Army fleece jacket. He crooked his finger for me to come towards him, and I walked to him with the biggest smile on my face. He hugged and kissed me sweetly and said he was so glad I came. We later confessed to each other that we were very nervous about meeting one another. It was when I saw him standing there grinning at me, that all my fears disappeared. There stood the man I loved.
    I’ve been home for two weeks now, and I’m already going back to stay with him in a couple of weeks for a month. He said he misses me so much. He awakes during the night and reaches for me, and I’m not there. He has told me he loves me many times and showed it in so many different ways. I know I have fallen deeper in love with him too. Because our relationship is so new, when we talk about the future, he says, “Time will tell.”
    The one thing that has impressed me about my man is his honesty. He has never lied to me or given me reason to doubt him. He treats me like solid gold, and is very protective of me. When we started our relationship, he said, “You’re my responsibility now.” He makes me feel like I am very precious to him.
    I pray every day that our relationship lasts, because I would follow this man to the ends of the earth. I love him with my whole heart and soul.
    Thank you again for your inspiring and loving tribute to the woman you love.

  • Dave

    Hello everyone \
    My name is Allen. I and 25 and madly inlove with my girlfriend of almost 2 years. Karen is going to be 41 next week. I am looking for some B-day Ideals if you have any. I want to get married but she doesn’t want to. She keeps telling me that our relationship is on barrowed time. I think after 2 years I know if I want to marry and be man and wife with her. We do not live together but we might as well. I have not slept alone in a long time. It’s either over at hers’ or at my place. We live two houses away from each other so it’s like we do. Her so is 19 and lives with his dad. He and I get alone great. We were friends before his mother and I started dating. He is totally cool with his mother and my relationship. Karen has a big hang up about our age difference. She says that I will soon want to have kids and that is something that she can not do. She is fixed. I do not want kids. I like to have fun and do not want the kids. I just don’t know how to convince her to move our relationship to the next level.

  • Marie

    Wow, I’m glad to see I’m not alone on this issue. I’ll be 35 soon, and I’ve fallen hard for a 21-year-old man. I didn’t know how old he was until after I’d known him for several months because he acts more mature than most 21-year-olds I’ve known. I haven’t mentioned to him that I like him, mostly because we work in the same place and I don’t want it to get weird if he doesn’t reciprocate. I have a feeling though that he *is* interested in me (lots of good signs), but I’ve never been the bold type, so I’ve kept it to myself. I have no idea if he knows how old I am, and I worry that would be a deterrent for him. I’m not interested in a relationship just for the sex – I’ll be 35 years abstinent when my birthday comes ’round. He doesn’t seem like the type of guy that would just expect sex, but he’s a guy, after all, and a young one, so I wonder too if that might be an issue.

    We get along extraordinarily well, and I look forward to seeing him every day. He’s boisterous around his friends (in a good, laughter-induced kind of way), but he always shows me his sensitive, sincere side, and that’s what I’ve fallen in love with.

    So now I’m at something of a stalemate. Just thinking that he may be interested doesn’t mean he is. Maybe he just sees me as a good enough friend to open up around. Or maybe he really is interested but is too shy to say anything. I would love to just open right up and tell him, but like I said, I don’t want it to get weird if he doesn’t reciprocate. I love our conversations, banter, etc, and I’d hate to lose that because I overstep a boundary.

    I know continually reading articles about age gaps won’t get me anywhere. LOL But it’s all I can do at this point!

  • Rita100

    Wow, great to see that so many relationships do work out. I am an American living and working in the Middle East. I can tell you that even here society is changing and more women are dating younger men. But imagine the social judgement plus the ME culture and traditions on top! One of my friends just married an older woman, 15 years older with 2 kids. I can say that with all whats going on here they went ahead and did it, though you cant imagine how much crap people around are giving them.

    Its changing but its very tough, because of the judgmental, narrow minded people, the same ones, who condemned Demi Moore for being with Ashton, but have no problems with her ex being with a woman 30 years younger that he is. I am in a relationship with a younger guy, who is Syrian, and whose family hates me and threatened to cut him off from the family and curse him (whatever else the traditions here are offering on top), if he stays with me. We tried to break up 4 times, but got back together, as the love and passion are so strong, we both cannot fight it. However, the situation is killing both of us.We have been together for 2 years and we are very close, on every level, but, frankly we both are on the edge.(. I dont worry about looks and kids, I can still have kids, and we look the same age..)

    Sorry, now women are more independent and strong worldwide, and that's why we can afford being with who we love, and we do nit want to be with an old impotent for money. Those are the modern social implications. You cant stop it, its worldwide. Its coming your way..So lets deal with it and fight those stereotypes, like we did before, when it was a taboo to date a back man for a white woman, and when the royals could not marry the commons, it was a crime to have same sex relationships and other crap that we successfully eliminated. We burned so many great people, and their chances to love and be happy.

    Let's just pull ourselves out of this one, and let younger men and older women enjoy their lives, after all, only they should decide which way they are going.

  • jilliebean

    I have only recently started dating younger guys. I had always rejected advances from my daughters male friends, they were way to young but i must admit it was flattering.
    I joined a dating site & after meeting a few men my own age, just wanted to give up.
    Something came over me recently, all i wanted was sex & instead of going back to my ex which i did quite often as it was convenient, I changed my seeking criteria & said i wanted to meet someone younger who had stamina & a high sex drive.
    I had many candidates & started talking to many who were up for a good fun time. I found one that i found attractive & basically said lets meet up now & have sex.
    We did & although we were both slightly nervous, had a great night full of sweat & a hot time together.
    I let him know that i wanted him to be available to me when ever i need & he agreed. I dont care what he does in his own time,who he hangs out with or what clubs he goes too. Thats his life & its not his concern what i do either. This is why it works, there is no jealousy there is no real commitment & the sex is great. Moulding someone into the sexual person you desire is very empowering & he is liking it just as much. I would encourage any woman to give it a go. You only live once & no ones opinion matters. We all have needs & should feel comfortable fulfilling them.

  • Hannah

    Not every man who goes for older woman is just interested in sex. I bet most don’t even think ‘oh I bet you she’s very experienced when it comes to sex’. They’ll just think ‘wow, she’s beautiful.’ or ‘she’s such a lovely, kind person.’ Most men at 25 could find plenty of experienced women their age or younger. You shouldn’t just assume they just want sex. It sounds like you’ve found a guy who loves YOU, not for sex.

  • Hannah

    Seems a bit shallow to only really care about her looks and surely every woman has a ‘womanly voice’? How will you cope when you find a woman your age and you’re together for a while and she starts ageing at 44? Would you leave her then? You didn’t know your ex’s age in the beginning. If she continued the lie, you probably would’ve stayed with her and just ignored her ageing body. I do understand where you’re coming from to a certain extent.

  • Hannah

    I’m nearly 18 years old but I’ve met a guy recently who’s 16 months younger than me. I quite like him and I believe he likes me. I’ve had a younger boyfriend before who was 4 months younger, which is nothing but he was immature and he ended up cheating. This guy however, seems mature, well brought up and an all round good person. If anything, I can be quite immature sometimes, like joking /messing around, but when it comes to certain situations I will be mature if need be.
    I’m not into younger guys but if I like someone, I don’t let it get in the way. So I’ve been thinking about what happens if he wanted to ask me out. I don’t think I’d mind if we hung out and I liked him. You can’t help who you fall for I guess. I want a mature man and I believe that women need a man who’s older to match a woman’s maturity and it usually takes a guy a few years longer before they decide that they want to settle down. So I think maybe dating a younger man may not work out as they’re naturally less mature than women (unless you find a super mature younger guy which would be rare). I’ll just have to see as I get to know him more.

  • love

    Sad Girl, you posted this a long time ago so you have likely moved on already. Even though he is 21, it says a lot about his personality that he is so influenced by societal norms. It is a red flag and I would spare yourself the heartache and move on. You deserve better than someone who values others' judgments more than you. For goodness sakes, you are so young and 8 yrs. isn't much. Practically speaking, all the technical stuff about having kids and all that doesn't even apply in your case. you have like a decade or more to have kids.

  • love

    I can so relate to your situation. I am a 38 yr-old woman who has also dated younger men – not because I sought to but because they are the ones that were available, interesting and interested. I love the way you have summed up our dilemma. Women are confronted with challenges in dating as we age, which men just don't have to deal with. Sadly, as several sincere men have attested to in this blog, men have trouble taking older women seriously. Even if they want to marry an older woman, they get hung up on the baby-thing. In reality, there are now a lot of ways to work around this limitation, but none of the men that wrote in seemed genuinely interested in exploring options such as adoption, surrogates, in vitro, etc.,. I know there are forward-thinking men out there that are truly seeking a soul mate and best friend in a wife first and foremost with "young enough to have my babies w/o any hitches" as a far second, but this attitude is rare among men.

    I recently dated a wonderful guy who surprisingly turned out to be 9 years younger than me. He ended our seemingly lovely relationship abruptly saying he couldn't see a future because he would not be ready to have children for about 6 years. At the time I didn't get it – I was only 37 and my grandmother had had my mom at 44. I just did not and still do not feel restricted by age.

    As far as the "dating younger guys" issue, I am now very weary, and for good reason. It is tough to be objectified as a notch in the bedpost or as a baby factory that is no longer in optimal condition. I just want to be loved as a person. Regardless of age, we just need to find guys that are clearly aware of yet uninfluenced by societal pressures and standards,

    My only concrete advice is to be cautious of comments like, "I know I want to have children someday"

  • love

    She has probably been bombarded her whole life with the message that younger men cannot really fall for older women and cannot get past it It is really hard to believe that men can genuinely see past age. Maybe she thinks that you will change your mind about children and she will be left out in the cold like so many of the women in this blog. If you are absolutely certain you don't want children go get a vasectomy. Then she will know you are serious.

  • Anonymous

    This age gap doesn't work, especially for a young man and an older women. Im 28 and i dated a beautiful 44 year old women for a couple of years and yes it does bother her more than i but it still bothered me and progressively got worse. She initially lied about her age as she looks young so i didnt even know till about a year in. Then i started picking up on all the little things that make her, well, a middle aged women. Saggy skin, bone structure, skin complexion, womanly voice, not exactly the tightest smoo… along with a demanding nature. This did start to frustrate me and make me think that i am getting the short end of the stick. I am glad i got out of it.

  • May

    @deeply in love, don’t shout 🙂

  • kathy

    @Monica, how did you two meet and how does his parents feel?

  • @Stef, Age should be ignored in a relationship. If both are at least 18 years old then both should enjoy themselves!! Vast majority of young men would jump at the chance to be with an attractive older woman, no matter what the age difference. Older women should be with younger men if they have the chance. I love dating much younger guys!!

  • Mickey

    Hi Stacy.

    Don't let the judgmental hypocrites get to you. I have no doubt that you and your husband are doing the right thing. God bless you and your family.

  • Rachel38

    @shamrock, Do you still see each other? Your story sounds exactly like mine. I am 38 and he is 25. We got on so well and cared for each other deeply…. but when things started getting a bit serious, he backed off and for all the same reasons as your boyfriend did. He couldnt see himself with me in the long-term. This only happened 2 days ago and I am devastated! I would like to know how you are doing now? Personally, I will never get involved with a younger man again….a 3 year gap, fine. But more than 5? Why do we want to put ourselves through the inevitable heartache!! I hope to recover from this heartache soon….

  • Rachel38

    @Cristian, Wow! She is truly a lucky woman! What i wouldnt give to have my recent ex feel the same as you do. He left me because he couldnt manage the age gap. He loves me dearly but cant see a future as he wants children down the line. I really related to your statement “I feel like i was cheated for being born too late”….. on the other hand I feel that I was cheated for being born too soon!!! : – ( Good luck I hope it turns out well.

  • Rachel38

    @lauren, Good Decision Lauren. You have saved yourself some heartache. I have spent every day of the past 4 months with my lover of 12 years younger. We didnt plan for things to get serious… we were “just having fun”. But no matter how old you are, woman can not have sex continuously with a man and not develop feelings. In the end, i am the one who is devastated because despite that he adores me he has had to end things because he feels there is no future for the two of us due to the age gap and him wanting kids 7 years from now. I know its for the best… but it doesnt make the heartache any easier! I am devastated and he is ridden with guilt because he cares for me.

  • Rachel38

    @Nikky, Thanks. As someone who is feeling heartbroken after my boyfriend (13 years younger) has ended things, I appreciate these wise words.

  • Rachel38

    @ShyGirl,
    I am curious, you posted this a year ago… what actually happened? You see, I am 38 years old and just ended something with a 25 year old that i feel deeply about. I know that he cares about me deeply too but the age gap is terrifying for him and he cant see a future between us as he wants marriage and kids. I have no children but I would consider having a child with the right man…. but at 38 my time is limited and he is not ready. We have had to end things and I am completely heartbroken and he is ridden with guilt. I wish i had never let things get this far. My advice to woman out there is to stick to someone your own age… especially if you want to settle down and you want a committed relationship, someone who will love you till death do you part. I am hurting like hell but i cant blame the guy and i hate myself for ever letting things get this far.

  • Sherry

    If your head over heels..then act it!

  • Sherry

    you are 26. You are no child, You are no victim. If you love her. Love her. If not, let her know so she can move forward.

  • Stacy

    My name is Stacy. I am 41 and 5 months pregnant to a 27 year old guy. This baby is a surprise for sure. Dan lived next door to me in the appartment building and fixed my car a couple of times. We got to know one an other and before you know it we were screwing. We used the pull out form of birth control because of my age and me thinking that as long as he don't cum in me I will be O.K. Well 9 months later here I am 5 months along. Dan and I got married as soon as I found out I was pregnant. He is very excited to be a father and wants to have 2 more after this one. I am not sure if I can take that. being pregnant after forty is much much more of everything than it was when I was 19 and 22. My oldest daughter is pregnant and is due before I am. That I think will be a little different when the babies are bigger. My grandchild being younger than my child. We do get a few looks and comments for others that don't approve of our relationship. I say so what is he is black and younger than me. I want this and are very happy to be where I am.

  • nana

    @cinnamon, hi. I'm a 27 year old woman with two children and dating a guy that's 20 years of age.I know its not a big gap but to me its like WOW…I meet him when I was goin throw a ugly divorce he is wonderfull he's gr8 with da kids.he's my dream man.we together for 7months now I'm havin da tym of my life and realy don't care wat ppl say behind my back I love him

  • mike

    It is good to see the opinions of women who are dating 20 year old males i dated a 42 year old women when i was 22 and i must say i loved that women so much i would have happily spent my entire life with her however i thik the age diffrence affected her more than me and no matter how many times i told her it didnt matter to me she couldnt accept it and as a result i lost the person i loved i am now nearly 30 years old and had numerous relationships but i have never loved anyone the same as i loved her i guess she really was one in a million to me its just a shame something as silly age could rob me of someone i feel so strongly about.

  • eren

    @marie, hello can we meet?

  • cougar?

    I am 48 and married to a 38 year old man. I was weary of dating him initially as I thought he was 24 when we met. I had just extricated myself from a 7-year relationship with a man 10 years my senior, so when I found out my now husband was only a decade younger I was okay with moving the relationship forward. We have had no problems with the age gap. We are basically in the same generation, grew up watching the same shows, etc. Also, the age gap is not detectable; we look the same age. His friends had no idea, and some still don’t get it. They are astonished when they find out. I think if it’s a 10 year or lesser gap it’s a better relationship for all involved. I can’t imagine how you ladies negotiate having a lover who young enough to be a son. But if it clicks, it clicks. You’re consenting adults.

  • cougar?

    Why don't you try a woman 10 years older instead of 15 or 20 years?

  • Lana E

    I’m 48 years old and I have a 25 year old Man that’s been giving me attention without sex. I’m curious to know and understand ‘why’? So, until then I’m going to continue reading your stories; maybe I’ll learn something along the way.

  • james

    I am a 28 year old young blk man. Im tired the lack of options i have with women my age. Maybe its because I have an old soul and ahead of my time. Anyway I'm tired of looking its getting so old. So I find myself paying extra attention to older women. It's this older woman maybe 40-45 at a local car parts store that I see. I think she is sexy..she is really kind with the sweetest voice. She always calls me babe,doll, and baby when she rings me up. Because of age difference I would like something casual. I didn't notice any rings on her fingers. I jus don't know if she is into younger guys at all. I know I have to ask to find out. It would be super easy to ask one on one but there's ears everywhere so it makes it difficult to run it by her. Eventually I will though.

  • Patty

    It really is encouraging to read about the experiences other people are having. I am 50 and find younger men amazing! I am in the beginning stages of getting to know a man who's 25. I've had long term relationships with men 6yrs, then 15yrs younger and dated younger men almost exclusively. I've tried dating men my own age and honestly, that was not a good time. My experience has been that many younger men are looking for the physical aspect, which is fine if you both know up front. This man seems a little different, looking for a possible relationship. And after reading the comments here, it helped reasure me that there really are men in their 20's who would settle down with a woman my age. As many have stated, there are other things that doom relationships besides an age difference. So I'm going to give it a shot, go into this with an open mind and try not to over think it. If it ends at date one, fine. But who knows, it could turn out to be so much more! 🙂

  • practicalhappiness.c

    @Becky
    Your interesting story with the 36 year-old gentleman just proves yet again that just because someone says that want to keep it light, doesn't mean that time will not change things and will not make people develop feelings for each other. In fact, it almost always happens that one of the two people in a relationship that was meant to be casual, starting feeling more, wanting more and expecting more. Then, it's up to the two of you together how to handle it and where to go from there. Some guys are eager to make it "right" by marrying and staying married after being marrried and divorced before.
    I have never been in this situation, but I would think that there is no reason for you to rush into marriage and complicate things, especially if you don't intend to have kids together. If you remain together and are loyal to each other, that's what counts. If you don't, a piece of paper called "marriage license" is not going to keep you together, so I am not sure what the benefit of getting married will be except having that sense of security which is somewhat illusory.

  • Becky

    Thanks for all who shared their insights about dating a younger man!

    I too met a gentleman who just turned 36 and I am 49….it's been over 4 years since we have known each other, we both do not want marriage again or kids, we've been there done that! We have so much fun when we are together, it's exciting and new each time! I believe it is because he has so much energy and I feel like I'm 29!! The other night he asked me when I'm going to marry him????? I was shocked….because at the beginning of our relationship we both stated what we wanted and it was not to marry! So I'm a little confused, but I know he has stated that the woman his age only want some to support them financially and have kids….so he feels more comfortable with me who has kids and is financially set!!! Gotta loves those younger men!!

  • practicalhappiness.c

    @Heather
    Thanks for sharing your experience which is quite typical under your circumstances. If you enjoy each other and are able to appreciate what you have without worrying about the future too much, all the more power to you. However, public opinion and negative perceptions is something that you will have to deal with when you find yourself in certain types of environment. That's just how it is. I don't think you can or should be trying to change that or respond to every person who rubs you the wrong way forcefully. Perhaps ignoring it and instead of trying to prove to others that you aren ot doing anything wrong, simply moving on to a different subject and subtly showing that you are not intersted in discussing your personal life with every person is one way to go about this.

  • Heather

    So I am 28 and my boyfriend is 19 (a couple months from 20). We have been dating for about 4 months now. I guess I fall into the stereotypical 'older' woman, (divorced with two kids, college educated and a great career). He treats me right and we are happy, he loves my kids etc. I am getting so much grief from my friends. It's overwhelming. On my facebook when I post pictures all my friends ask if he is 'legal' and that he has a 'baby profile'. Does it matter what he looks like? We are both happy. We understand there is an age gap and a difference in just where we are in our lives. Does it matter he is 9 years younger than me? No. He is committed to me and I am committed to him. He isn't the 'typical' 19 year old who is out partying etc. He is mature and goal oriented. He treats me better than other men I have dated thus far who have been older than me. How do I just let go of what others think about us? I know for a fact no one would even question me if this relationship was flipped. I do realize that my 'biological clock' is ticking but I'm only 28! And I realize he is 19…as with any relationship I am not rushing to get married and have kids. What I am doing (as with any relationship) is getting to know this man and having him in my life. I realize that there is an age gap but I am the happiest I have been in years. YEARS! I want the best out of this relationship and for all the know me personally and know what kind of marriage I was in know that I was unhappy for a long time. I also am not with this younger man for purely sexual reasons. I am with him because he treats me how I deserve to be treated. He also is not focused only on the sexual part of the relationship. He is getting to know me and who I am as a person. He also is not trying to 'dig for gold'. He has not even brought up our wage differences. I have even met his familiy and they are accepting. I just am frustrated over the comments people have stated over and over again about our relationship. It is getting to the point where I want to shut down my facebook. It really is none of any other person's business that I am dating a younger man. I also know that one day he will want to have kids etc. I also know there is potential for a breakup in the future. Isn't that with every relationship?? I am not against having more children though I am not focused on that right now. I just am happy, he is happy and that is all that matters!

  • Clare

    These comments have been of a great help to me as I have recently met a younger guy – Im 35 and he is 21. We met on a night out 6 weeks ago and we ended up kissing and he wanted to see me again but I declined until 2 weeks ago when I thought what the hell!! He looks and acts late twenties and also holds down 2 jobs and rents his own place with another. Its only been 2 weeks but we get on very well and I am enjoying getting to know him – I have told him I want to wait to have sex and he respects this.

    Thing is my brain is running agead of me and am now thinking what if he does not want children till much later – as I want children in the next 2 or 3 years and I would like to get married one day. Part of me thinks just go with the flow and enjoy it but then also part of me thinks am I wasting my time and energy….its a hard one as I find him attractive and he is also a nice person…….what to do??

  • Shelby

    It's kind of a handicap the age thing. My younger partner told me once, "It's just a miracle we are walking the earth at the same time." I guess that puts it in perspective a little bit.

    But I could never let it go. The little tinch of insecurity was always there. Especially when he would start to be attracted to someone younger. I would see him through these attractions but not easily.

    I finally had to let him go. But I will never forget him and all that I learned from him.

  • Shelby

    I have entered into a relationship with a younger man after 7 years of celibacy. It seemed the power was greater than ourselves and I couldn’t help it. I was drawn to his energy and sexuality. I was so happy or excited or whatever the feeling really is for about a month and a half. There were red flags everywhere like when he changed his plans on me after I had already planned for what he said he wanted to do. He disappears and doesn’t call. He just goes off the radar. Also he is a recovering alcoholic with only 70 days of sobriety. Of course I knew better but the strength of this attraction was huge and there was nothing I could do. Because it felt too good. He is very warm. Like really warm and soft.
    I am 63 and he is 50. I can tell women have spoiled him all his life and he has five sisters. He has never been married and I can tell that too. Why I, with two children I raised by myself, and two marriages that ended, would want a younger man with an unknown history, is beyond comprehension.
    Well, he just came to my door and asked for a ride to work because his car broke down and I just told him no and to go away. I want it to be over quick and clean. And of course I feel bad and guilty but I am not Mother Theresa and feel kind of used by him and boy do my character defects surface when I’m in a relationship.
    So I think I will go back to being alone.

  • Lex

    Hello everyone.

    I’m a man at the age of 20 and am studying at a college (finished on this SEPT 2012). It sounds like crazy to fall in love for a woman at her age of 32. Ladies here might feel that I’m not mature enough, but I know what I’m doing now and I’m really serious planning my life with her. She and I have almost the same problems as all of you. We know each other for 1 and 1/2 years. She’s a person that really seeking seriously for her future partner. As I know so far, she met a guy that promises to marry her on the day but ending up the guy disappeared somewhere and went away without any news. She felt that she will never love again. Not only this case. So she concluded that she doesn’t want man and love. I’m not saying I don’t trust her. But the way she told me was just like she’s an easy girl that only want to have some fun with others. For her, finding a partner at her age is just like a war’s happening. Until the last winter, I fell in love deeply to her. She likes me too. She called me a lot, we did messages (even before falling to each other) as both of us living in a different country. We did planned many things, all promises in the future. One time, I was planning to meet her at the current city she’s living in. The next morning, she told me that my life and her lifestyle are so different. I know many times she asked me for making love, I rejected (although I wanted it) because of my stand in life. I don’t mean not give her that, but I’m very conservative until I’m married and will satisfy her fully, I said earlier to her. She understood. Plus, our age difference reminds her that she’s older than me. She planned to give up on me, tried to stop all contacts with me (but I stopped her) and meet other same age guy recommended by her mother. She knows that as a student, I don’t have much money to go there. She said she’s a burden of my love. She also feels burden. She thinks that she’s the one to keep giving everything. I know what should I do. To have a stable in finance (at least) and improve my personality, learn how to sacrifice..Basically, I learned many things from her to be a successful man. She said she can’t wait, but I don’t believe her. But if that’s her choice, I should respect her anyway as she has much experiences than I have. She knows the best for her and me. I’ve been hurt for many times because of her, keep begging her like other people think that’s a stupid action(but for me, you won’t have egoism and pride facing your love ones if you do really love someone, right?) but she doesn’t want. I decide to trust ‘time’ can prove anything. When time comes, men should do their part fully. I hope I’m not late for that time.

    Thank you for the info. All the best everyone. Never give up for your true love and ladies…..^^ trust yourself, you can do it~!

  • MissM

    I have been struggling with the older woman/ younger man thing for awhile. I'm 36 and separated from my husband of 14 years, a year ago due to lots of problems in our marriage. In the last few months before the separation I'd become close to a 20 year old guy who I'd known for about 3 years at work. He had a depth of maturity that blew me away. Anyway, a week after I separated from my husband, the younger guy asked me out. I don't look 36, more like 29 and this is not the first time a younger guy has pursued me but nothing had ever happened in the past. Anyway this younger guy confessed he'd been attracted to me for awhile. I told him I wanted a fling, nothing serious and because we work together I didn't want it advertised. So we started the most intense sexual relationship I've ever had.

    And we fell hard for each other. After 6 months he ended it because he wanted the relationship to be open but it can't be because of work (plus his friends do not understand). I was gutted but understood. Trouble is, I still work with him, we are still attracted to each other and from time to time still get together. I don't know where this is going, probably nowhere. I've put my life on hold because he will cease to work in the same place as me in 6 months but in the mean time, there are no promises. Plus, I want kids and he isn't ready and I feel my clock ticking. So, should I walk away? Should I look for someone my own age to start a family and let all hope of this go? So torn…

  • 30s20love

    I have always vouched never to date any one younger than me, but only just met this adorable young stranger in his late twenties. Being of mixed african heritage it is totally disrspectful to date people that are same age, as younger brothers, or sisters. Like so many people here, I have been broken hearted couple of times..I can possibly relate different scenarios, and most people would indicate having experienced, and been through all that….teenage love….18 to 15..done that….jilted teen pregnancy..been there…married to cheating ex, that wont stay commited..been there…distance email love, n relationships….internet, telephone, and video love…done that….second possible wife to cheating soon to be divorced single parent..that too….now my younger man pops out of the blues into my life…..promising to be my sweet hereafter, and happy ever after prince charming…after all those negative experiences…should I be listening, or letting go….I am trying not to break the heart of this new handsome stranger, that is promising unconditional love, and we share so many similiarities..it is so unreal…I decided to research about this, and came across this website. Any feedback will be duly appreciated.

    Thanks very much,

  • Leana

    It's been awhile since I last wrote, I believe mid-September was my last send. The various comments/dilemmas here really help me. I continue to be deeply attracted to a much younger man, who is also of a different race. All of this is so very new for me. I'm 46 and he's 26, but the chemistry is so strong. I have no choice but to ignore it due to our working relationship. This is one of the hardest situations I've ever faced. I think about him frequently during my weekends. My wish would be to spend some "hanging out" time together, but again, this is not possible due to the workplace. At his young age, he's extremely ambitious and seeking to further pursue his career aspirations elsewhere, which would take much of the pressure off of me should he leave. I am so drawn to him intellectually and physically and feel certain this is mutual. I would not seek anything long-term with him as for this situation, it would not be possible since he wants kids one day; however, being closely connected soul mates and lovers is certainly my desire now. Should we ever run into one another in the near future, and IF he is not yet married or in a committed relationship, I am confident this will occur. Life is definitely about timing. Thanks for listening/reading, all. Keep up all comments as I rely on hearing/reading all situations with older women/younger men.—-Leana

  • Tilly

    Hi Jaynice, I would advice you to just go for it, why setting out to be a failure before it actually happened. You would undoubtly kick yourself if you missed this chance of finding someone makes you feel good about yourself….. I, myself met someone on line about a month ago, he is in the military, I am 45 and he is 9 years younger, although it's still early days for us but we already talked about what he planning to do once he's leaving permently from his military at the end of the year….. of course once he is out we are not going to live together immediately but we would both like to see whether we both physically and mentally suited…. and boy I really can't wait to be in his arms…

  • dee

    Zach, you made me cry. Thanks. So sweet. I am in love with a guy 15 years younger than me. We have been "friends" for 6 years. Recently we have been dating. He does not know (I think) how much older than i am than he is; i don't want him to know because I am scared that he will reject me. But he does know that i am older but it is something that we never discuss (I don't tell anyone how old I am)-except anyonmously (I am 45 and he is 30). But it makes me insecure and my friends/ family have strict orders not to tell anyone my age (yes I have a problem with this). Any advice is welcome. He is my best friend.

  • jaynice

    Hi everyone 🙂

    God Zach, i wana thank you so much for your words

    i have just turned 46 and i have been in deep love before and i got mega hurt and i kept myself alone for the last near 8 years, broken hearts are real hard to recover from

    so i dont take it lightly, not at all, and i am very good at avoiding anyone getting to that close with me stage cos they just didnt have what i was crying over

    anyway i am on this site cos this random thing happened.
    i am at the opening of my art exhibition, and i wip across the road for a cig by the bus stop and a whole lot of people interaction is going on and i chat as i always do, cos i am a friendly soul, just not an intimate soul

    plus i havent had sex for years and have quite forgotten all about it now and live my life for Art.
    so it was one of those fated kinda things,
    and next minute i have a guy
    hes real handsome and funny and thinks i am beautiful and amazing and makes sure he tells me so,
    hes also 33
    and i told him that i am not into relationships cos they are too painful and annoying
    and get in the way of my art and peace of mind

    but this guy is not believing a word of it
    not for a second
    and he comes over to my exhibition and everyone is abit stunned and asked if i actually know him and who is he
    and know what
    he is the guy who is making me have rushes of feelings and our eye contact speaks 1000 words, and even when he talks its like my language
    and i am on the same page or the same level
    and that hasnt happened since the last love
    and i tell him its a real bad idea him communicating to me cos i dont want to ever feel hurt ever again
    and he wont let that happen he reckons
    and god knows how this will eventually end
    but at the moment he comes to see me at the gallery and is like the sunshine my heart has been waiting for
    and even though i am so afraid
    i am also so glad
    i do wonder if he will love me in 20 years when i am all old and wrinkley
    but hey he will be like 50 and who knows
    it will be in the next 10 years when we will see if its just a thing or a fling or a something
    and hes practically oozing with sexual chemistry
    and its all directed at me
    he doesnt even pay attention to all the other beautiful younger women who are about us when he is around

    i dont know what to do about it all and how far to take it or whether to kick myself now and tell him goodbye to save myself from kicking myself later when i am gutted and heart broken

    or if i am missing out on my second chance of real love

    i just dont know
    so i am playing very stern and kinda putting him in his place, but its like water off a ducks back and he listens but comes back with a powerful question
    hes definately the kind of guy that i admire
    such guts
    and direct no beating around the bush, and not for a minute believing that would actually reject him and walk away from this
    and he wants me to think about it
    but mostly he wants to hang out with me and spend time with me and get close enough to me so that i can feel his breath near to me, his hand close to mine

    i have to make a decision and i dont want to be hurt but i also dont want to make someone go away that really could mean something wonderful and joyous to my life

    and also (just quietly) i dont even know if my body is the beautiful thing it used to be, i notice every subtle difference that is happening to it…. and he might be put off !
    and that would fully embarrass me and even shame me out !!

    What would God do !?

    thats what i am asking myself, ….

    would he be saying common woman, i put the man right here under your nose, can you not see

    or would he be saying, look at that, temptation found her again and shes falling for it

    i just dont know
    but i would love to hear what people advise me
    so if you could reply i would really appreciate that

    Thank you

  • deeply in love

    I AM 10 YEARS OLDER THAN MY BOYFRIEND. WE HAVE BEEN IN A RELATIONSHIP FOR 3 YEARS NOW. HE IS THE LOVE OF MY LIFE AND I WOULDN'T TRADE HIM FOR ANOTHER MAN. HE IS THE FIRST YOUNG MAN I HAVE EVER DATED. I USE TO DATED OLDER GUYS. WHEN I FIRST MET HIM I HAD NO INTENTIONS OF BEING WITH HIM I WAS LIKE HE IS TO YOUNG. AS I GOT TO KNOW HIM HE SWEPT ME OFF MY FEET. I WAS SO SHOCK THAT HE HAD ME SO OPEN LIKE HE DID. BC I DON'T JUST BELIEVE NETHING I HEAR. HE PROVED HISSELF TO ME. YES WE ARGUE SOMETIMES AND SOMETIMES HE ACTS CHILDISH BUT HE IS MY BABY AND HE IS MY LAST MAN I AM GOING TO MARRY HIM. HE IS A KEEPER………………………………….

  • zach

    Iv been reading some of the ladies stories and comments on this page and you all have some interesting things to say. I am 22 years old and my girlfriend of fifteen incredible months is 39. I got back from Iraq september 3 2010 and met my luv a little over a week later, septmber 11th. being through hell and back in that country i prayed to the lord above that i would find the love and comfort of a stong, loving and supportive woman. She blew me away. I have never in my lifetime come across, met, or laughed with such an amazing person. I remember the first night we met…playing pool lol i never like to say met my significant other at the bar, it sounds corky. did the whole you saw me i saw you seeing me seeing you deal. made eye contact and she smiled at me. Like some of the women on here who say they dont look theyre age, im sure you dont because you are confident of that being with a younger man. My baby doesnt look her age at all and im just pulling that from what a lot of my friends and familey have said. To me, she is the most beautiful woman on this earth and her love for me is the most beautiful thing about her. she is beautiful though and very physically attractive lol. Anyways i was sitting at the bar with my buddy, and she was across the room about 15 feet away playing pool with some random guy. (pardon my french but he was a duech bag) i could tell by watching her it was just a pool game and she wasnt interested in him at all. thats when she turned around and smiled at me mouthing the words “that was a good shot right”? I laughed and nodded my head smiling back at her. About 5 min passed and i decided to go outside for a cigarette. as i passed her finishing up the game of pool, i brushed her with my hip and kinda bumped her lol just to catch her attention. i apologized even though it was on purpose(: well i went outside and she followed me out. couple seconds of silence then she asked me if i had a light and i lit her cigarette. she asked “do you play pool”? and i responded by telling her i havnt really been around for awhile. she asked me where i had been and i told her i had just got back a week ago from iraq. lmao well at this point im thinking hell ya good conversation with a beautiful woman and i just through the pity out. well it worked in my favor(: she got all suprised in the face she was talking to a soldier and then asked if she could give me a hug. i said yes and from that incredible night of septmber 11th 2010 to this day of november 8th 2011 i have fallen so deeply in love with the most amazing angel god could have ever blessed me with. There is more to that story but im getting sick of typing lol. Hey ladies do you want to know what i think is the most incredible gift god has given me? or maybe even you?….to be in love..with your best friend. how many times can you look at someone and tell them you are my best friend, and with god as my witness, i am so in love with you. just one time in truth. so hold onto it!!!!! as a younger man with an older woman, please please listen to my words very carefully. No relationship is perfect. not a damn one. ups, downs you will have them. its where you pick that man up, him to you, and you keep walking. dont stop cause you only live once. if that younger man looks at you and tells you that you are so goddamn beautiful you better believe it and cherish it because every word that comes out of your mouth he thinks is either cute or sexy in some way. even when your mad! i think its funny, but i always always listen to my luv when shes mad. i never push her away or cuss at her. in the 15 months i have been in love i can proudly say i have never said a derogitory word to her. the c word the b word, none of that. no matter how mad we get or disagree with one another. i made that promise. you ladies are the most incredible thing since fruity pebbles to that young man! dont let your doubts and insecurities get in the way and take advantage of that. And as him to you. its a mutual respect and understanding. Love…dont let it slip away so easily. its the superglue of two human beings

  • Melissa

    I've read and related to so much of what has been posted here. Im a 43 year old dating a 27 year old. I love him, our chemistry and the time we spend together. I met this person over 5 years ago at his place of employment. There was a mutual attraction/chemistry. The first time he asked me on a date, I told him I was unable to. He asked again just over a year of harmless flirting later. This time I said yes deceiving myself it was friendship. A couple months later, we were dating. It was not long before i let my walls down and realized I loved him. Unfortunatly, because of the age gap, maturity, not knowing majority of his friends or family, I feel like I am waiting for the inevitable end of this relationship. Over the course of a year, there were times I caught myself saying I should have left along time ago and saved myself from a more painful breakup…-new walls went up. There are issues with his friends, that have created insecurities in me for the first time in my life. I think not being at the same place in life can be hurtful to a relationship as well as to ones self. We still plan for a future together, but in the back of my mind that future is a matter of time. I'm not sure what it is about the 'need' to retain a relationship that is amazing on the surface of our small circle. The initial hesitation to date this person was not enough to stay away…now wondering how much harder it will be for not listening to my instincts.

    Good luck to all in this position!

  • practicalhappiness.com

    Thank you for sharing your experience. This proves yet another important point. Although age and mental maturity are somewhat proportional, older doesn’t necessarily mean more mature. If you are a immature at 25, you are likely to remain and be that at 40, unless some very significant events in your life completely transform who you are, which is rare. On the other hand, if you are very mature at 40, there must have been something about you that was showing signs of maturity at 25.

  • Gwen

    I started seeing a guy 9 years younger than me a few months ago (I am 40, he is 31). New territory for both of us. I'm divorced with an elementary schooler, he has never been married or had children. He has never been involved with anyone older, and I've never been involved with anyone younger. However, he is incredibly stable and mature for his age – moreso than I ever expected. I thought it would be just sex – and the sex is amazing!!!! – but it seems to be developing into something more. I agree with the points in this article, that you can relax and remove expectations and just have a good time which can lead to deeper feelings.

    He loves that I know what I want, am confident, and don't bring any drama. I love that he is fun, makes me relax, and is so appreciative of my sexuality. Before him I dated a man who was 9 years older, and he was MUCH more needy than my younger guy!!!

    Not sure where it will go, but I'm going to enjoy the ride.

  • getreal

    Hi

    I have dated much younger guys (18 – 20) years and my belief is it is about the people.

    When I was married from all outward appearances we had much in common: two years apart, I became catholic to marry him, we were church goers etc – we "seemed" like we had a lot in common: being from the same generation and sharing a religion – however, we as people had almost nothing in common.

    I tend to be attracted to "different" (age, race, not values, but hobbies etc.) Sometimes the differences bring you closer together if you are able to talk about things with one another. The coupe tends to not fall back on assumptions as much. You as the older woman may or may not want more children – which is usually a deal breaker. You or he may be looking for long term versus a fling so find out. I think every one and every couple has "fears." Just being able to voice them kindly often relieves pressure. If family and friends will be a hassle they aren't very good friends.

    I think the more the couple defines who they are and aren't together the easier time they will have being together and handling the world, family, age differences.

    Also if the older woman is looking for long term with a younger guy I would be very clear, take your time, and set boundaries you are comfortable with. Lots of young guys just want a new experience and unless it is also your desire, you may get hurt.

    Just some thoughts

  • confused

    I am 43 and have been seeing a man who is now 25.. We started out as a much needed, fun fling…3 years ago. We agreed it would be just a fun thing, no strings, etc…It stayed very casual for the first 9 months or so. Did not see each other much, sent fun, sexy texts, occasional, wonderful, secret meet ups.. We enjoyed each other so much though that we gradually started spending more and more time together, grew closer, cooking meals together, snuggling on the couch, sharing not just awsome sex, but deep conversations, sharing out hearts, our dreams, our fears, our lives.. I truly fell in love before he did and I went through a lot of pain because of that.. So I put up walls and made myself not be emotionally dependent on "this boy" who would be moving when he was done with school anyway. So I started seeing someone else, (who is btw, 10 years younger than me,) he is very much more stable and "adult"… has a great job, a great son that I adore, and actually takes me out on dates, and to family and friend gatherings, spoils me and shows me kindness and love… But now, at this point it is killing my 25 yr old!… hes in lve with me and cant stand for me to have any other relationships now. Everything smart in me says I should be with the sweet, patient, loving and more stable 33 year old.. and i do care so much for him. There is no real future with the younger guy, So WHY does it feel like Im suffocating when I think of being without him, why does it rip my heart out when I feel and hear his pain over this? WHAT is holding me back from just being with my older, stable guy, who loves me and will be around for the long haul if I just say the word?

  • Anonymous

    I'm 60 and he's 29 years younger. He says I look in my 40's and he loves me to the ends of the earth. He doesn't want kids. We are the same, energy levels, taste in music, ideas of fun, plans for the future. He's sexy, sweet, fun and thoughtful. He says I'm sexier and better than a younger woman. This is my second marriage and I'm loving it!

  • Still Hittin It

    I am 49 year old man, seeing a 59 year old woman, been together 2 years and just engaged. Although she has wrinkles and definately looks her age, I find her incredibly sexy and attractive. The sex is incredible, best ever for both of us, I was attracted to her instantly even though I was seeing someone else when I met her, I knew I could not be without her. She has met my kids, and will be meeting my entire family this weekend after 2 years of being together ( we live in another state). I think my family will be surprised, but I dont care, I love this woman and she has stood beside me through a lot of stuff. I never think of her being too old, or what if in 10 years, all I know is she makes me happier than any woman I have ever been with and I’m having the best time of my life. . . .

    Still hittin It

  • lyn

    I will be 47 years young soon and dating a much younger guy he says age is just a number we have so much fun together and enjoy our sex live we have grown from just sex relationship to I love you I cant see a future for us together but for now we enjoy life and what must be shall be but for now enjoy life to the fullest.
    So let’s not worry about age. Live for today and enjoy each other.

  • Debs

    I am with you PattiAnn. Never thought young guys would be interested in me but met this gorgeous 25 year old online. I am 53. We connected on all levels and the passion is out of this world.

    I am divorced and live alone, my daughter is married with her own daughter and lives in another country. We are doing no-one any harm. I am all in favour of living for today! Life is too short to turn away the opportunity to be happy.

  • PattiAnn

    I have to begin by saying that I've never looked on someone almost 30 years my junior as a potential mate. That having been said I met a young man of 18 (I am 47) who has become my lover. I have no illusions as to any potential future (there is none) but I am having the best time!! He adores me (and I him), we have fun together, and yes, the sex is incredible. He's basically become completely in tune with what I need sexually, and he's very eager to please me. Naturally, that works both ways 🙂

    I see no issue with our age difference, men have been dating and marrying women far younger for many generations. Perhaps it's time we opened ourselves up to the same.

  • jade

    live and love dont let age define you…make sure you are in your limits …such as being with a adult…….some times we find love in places that we never even thought of……live love laugh and have hope…….we as women need to really stop thinking what someone else feels about what we want all the time…..remember we are strong…and when a woman loves its for real……..if a younger man loves you and adore you don't run him off……stop all that…..just make sure money or no other selfish reasons are the forfront of the relationship……Im in a relationship….with a younger person 15 years my jr. and we have been together now for over 5 yrs now he loves the Lord and I love the Lord..so make sure the person you are with have a good heart……we are ingaged now and will be getting married early next year…..his mom is 2 yrs older than me….my son is 2 yrs younger the he…..my younget son is ok with it….so live love laugh and have hope…..pray….

  • joseph

    I’m 18 yrs old i met a women who 35 yrs old in Online , firstly we became just friends and now we became lovers . she is a lawyer and she didn’t marry till now , I LOVE HER SO MUCH and she to love me a lot , my family will not agree to this and she advise me that after my Graduation i can move to her , and marry her . But i think a lot about this and to young to decide . and i want to know is this will success . I hope that we will live together with great happiness , but i have still fear in my heart, to do all this i need a good advise for good life
    please help …………

  • secretgirl

    Hi Anonymous,

    I met my guy online Im 49 he is 33yo, like you we communicated for 3 months before we met, I was flattered by the things he said and when we met up in an hotel the sex was amazing. We were both unhappily married and I divorced my husband so he could move on, my guy never got round to it. We lived in different places I had to take a flight to see him, or he would fly to be with me. We got a house together but I kept my own place going back home. I was financially secure and paid for lots of romantic getaways that he would never have been able to afford. Thing is whenever I came home to see my family I never really trusted him and the 17year age gap made me feel insecure, I became obsessed with my appearance, even though I knew I looked young(malay mother). His wife had let herself go and she put on so much weight, so Im confident I had no competition there. When his little boy got sick in March i spent more time with my guy to support him but instead I think I should have gone home and let him get on with his problems. I was aware that I was doing to much, and mothering him. The sex was never an issue we made love 2 or 3 times a night. To cut a long story short the relationship began to fall apart and we ended up splitting. (his choice). I found out he was in a relationship almost immediately with a new woman, she was 29yrs old. 20yrs younger than me. I cant tell you what a huge blow to my confidence it had. My daughter said to me, its ok seeing a younger guy but remember you might think you have the money, security, imaginative sex life and power but really the person who has the most power is the person who is younger, look at Demi Moore, how beautiful is she? Im sorry to be pessimistic but the older we get the harder it is to delay the aging process, eventually the younger guy will look for younger women and you will feel even more insecure. Enjoy your young man but look after your heart, because you will always be paranoid maybe not now but eventually you will.

    Not only have I lost the love of my life, but Ive lost my self esteem and self worth, and Ive never felt so old.

    All I was looking back was a damn good shag with benefits. Sorry but the price is high, dont put a price on your heart.

    Good luck

  • kisser

    You have many good points. I have a relationship to an 18 year old ‘boy’ (he was 17 when we first meet) and I am 54. I also have an excellent relationship to my ‘mother in law’ who is 6 years younger than me as well as he has with my daughters. Our relationship is accepted in both ‘camps’.

    It was sex in the beginning where I boosted his ego by letting him understand (softly) how to do. Now one and a half year later our relationship is beyond sex and girdles (both are still there, though) which I would never have believed from the outset.

  • Older women awesome ,best thing ever. Better to loved than not loved at all.

  • marie

    dear brownie

    I dont see why you could be having an issue.the guy being 21,is no difference.you are 5 years older but that does not mean anything.As far as you both are attracted to each other,that means there is chemistry and both of you are attracted to each other.Age is nothing…..if you are 26 marriage can even come at 32 or even 33,you can wait for him if you truely love him.I bet you are being ridiculous why are you being marriage minded at 26?girl there is much to do.At this age re-evaluate your life date who your heart tells you is the one.In any case talk to to him,tell him of what you think,bacause may be he is also there to explore….am not discouraging you but let him tell you what he want in that relationship and what he is expecting.But you two are at a good age you can grow together sinjce you are in your early twenties.Good luck

  • anonymous

    I am a 50+ woman and met a younger man online(internet). I feel it was by chance we met as I never imagined that I would meet a younger man(36 yrs old) playing poker on line. So, he keeps telling me that it was fate/ and by chance that we were both at that table that night we started talking. I consider myself to be a very private person, and I have never being in a serious relationship and never go out on dates, since my divorce years ago. And not to be egotistical, but friends and family members have always commented to me that I look 35 years old for my age; even meeting strangers, they also thought I was between 35/40…Yet! I feel kind of guilty by romancing a younger man via tele and emails and we have never met, but we have been talking on phone, texting and emailing almost everyday and he keeps telling that he is in love with me. It will be almost three months since we met on line. And I am a bet skiptical and lying about my feelings towards him, becuz I think I too have fallen for him. What do! however; I liked one of the above comments “You can’t put a number on love!”…also, I have not told him my full age yet! only he knows that I am very mature! lol…please help me! should i meet him? I live in anoher country he in USA…one more thing here! I am well educated and considered myself to be an intellect and when I met him on line I was shocked with myself that I actually went ahead with this long distance relationship!?…

  • sad girl

    Hi..I'm 29yo and somehow I don't know why but younger guys always attracted to me. I'm in love with 21yo guy now. At first I thought that 8 years is a really big gap. So I thought I won't take it seriously, maybe just for fun. But then..I really really feel that we really connect..really feel the chemistry. He can really understand me and same thing for me. The problem is that he thinks that 8 years is a big deal. He still thinks that it's weird if the girl is older than the guy. I really love him but it just seem that he couldn't change his mind. Maybe he could change his mind someday, cause 21yo is still not really mature in mind..maybe I hope so. Now we still talking but we're trying to make it less. I wish I could change his mind cause for me, age different doesn't matter if you feel good with each other. Maybe I should wait for him and be patient. What should I do? I've never felt like this before.

  • Celeste

    Well, I'm 37 year old lady and my "boyfriend" is 22, there is a 15 year age difference, but when we are with each other that gap just dissapear. We have had sex yet as I'm only seperated from my husband of 16 years who cheated on me with men for the last 12 years of our so called marriage! I can't wait to see my boyfriend again…and he is more loving and sincere than what my husband ever was. We have been in this relationship now for the last 3 months and we haven't made it public as we live in quite a small town, and I'm worried what labels will be put on him for dating me. But I think that age is irrelevant…we have fallen in love and that's the bottom line…

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  • Brownie

    Hi, I am a 26 year old woman considering dating a 21 year old man….I know this is not the same age gap as some others (10 years and more) but I feel like we are in two different places in life….we go to the same college though, and he is SO cute. As soon as I walked into the classroom I noticed him, and he noticed me….when we were put into random groups I was praying he got put in my group (for a research project) and he did! Now…he flirts with me and stuff and I could tell he liked me from day one, and was shocked when I told him I was 26 (he thought I was much younger and seemed slightly upset by my age, like I wouldn't look at him as a man it seemed)….but now we're totally texting and he asked me if I wanted to "chill" after class….and hang out on the weekend…..YIKES…..thing is, I am marriage minded now….(like I want to settle down soon) and I know he is still in the join a frat party stage……he just graduated from high school like three years ago…I graduated in 2003…….five years is a big difference when you're 26….or am I just…..being ridiculous?! Should I just GO FOR IT and see what happens? HELP!!! (He is oh so cute….I would show him a few things 😉 lol

  • Anonymous,

    I am in such agreement w/you! Am glad that he has decided that he wants what you two have together. And, I’d never thought of it before as you’d presented—it is a form of bigotry. What a fitting description. May you two continue to have many years of happiness!—–Leana

  • Anonymous

    The age difference is more of a societal blunder than people could imagine. Why on earth would two people have that be the reason they are not together. I am a 49 year old and my boyfriend is 38. We have been together, off and on, for two years now. It has been wonderful between us, and then a friend or family member will try and “save” him.
    The thing is, he has allowed other people’s opinions control his happiness. It is the stupidest thing I have ever heard of, but I have done it myself. Crazy how it is just wonderful, as long as he is with someone younger or closer to his age. His friends and family will support him with this. Whats more, they would be more inclined to to rationalize any problems that he would encounter in that relationship, and encourage him to “give it time/another try.” He has tried to date others, they are not what he wants. He loves me, wants me, has fun with me, can talk to me, can be hisself, invites me to do the same, cares about the same things. and so on….This is not a viable relationship to everyone around him, but they are willing instead to encourage him to stick it out with someone that he is not happy with. I have no hard feelings, in fact, it kind of surprises me when this sort of bigotry happens now. It catches me off guard.

    I never planned to be in love, at my age, with someone younger, but it happened. “We” are in love, and that is all there is to tell. He has decided that he wants what we have together. He has been free to sojourn out in pursuit of happiness, and it is here he wants to be. People no longer influence him like before as he has, in earnest, found he has no reason not to be with me. Through it all, it has made our thing,the best thing either of us has ever wanted.

  • Anonymous

    My neighbour is 54 and she is dating a 25 yr old guy and they r have a wonderful time

  • LL, while I somewhat agree that the 17-year spread can be more challenging, at the same time I believe it can also work. Know of a couple where there is a 21-year age difference where they married when he was 31 and she was 52 and 15-years later, they are still happily married—-it can work and really just depends on the couple.

    As for me, I honestly just want the companionship of the young man of “about-to-turn” 26 and I’m 46. The attraction is really intense, but due to our working relationship, it is a moot point at this time. I enjoy him immensely and he me, but we are not able to take this anywhere due to circumstances (and we’re both single). I love the energy that he exudes and know we could have some amazing times together. I truly want nothing more at this time in my life but his companionship and would honestly love to have sex w/him…..having him hold me in his arms throughout one amazing night would be plenty for me right now…..all I can do is think about it, though…..oh well, I’ll enjoy my private thoughts (smile).

    My thinking is we only live once. IF two consenting adults regardless of age, want to enjoy one another’s company, may they do so and at the end of the day, it is between them only and no one’s business. Sometimes I think we (including me) over analyze the older women/younger men deal….enjoy life and one another!—-Leana

  • Sara

    I’m a 30 year old woman and I just started this new job. I keep having sexual thoughts about a guy I work with, he is 20 years old, Ricky. He is just the cutest, sexiest, hottest guy I have ever seen. I have never reacted to a guy the way I do towards him. We talk and flirt back and forth and he gives me little hints every now and then that he may feel the same way about me as I do about him. I’ve been told he is way to young for me and work relationships never work, but I can’t help but think I should just go for it and have some fun, even if it doesn’t go anywhere serious. We can just have a complete sexual relationship if he wants. Please someone give me advice on what to do about this predictament I’m in! :)))

  • LL

    I think that a big age difference between 2 people who are younger, ie 18 and 35 could still work because there is still time to "grow old" together. However, that same 17 year spread between a 25 and 42 year old is a LOT harder because, as the woman in this scenario, all I can think about is the life that is in front of him is all behind me.

    In 10 years I can't imagine him still loving me or my body for that matter the way he says he does now. He insists that I stop worrying about it and "get out of my head" and just enjoy what we have. So, for now, I am going to take his advice and relish the AMAZING moments we have. My hope is that in the same way we organically fell in love at the same time, we will sweetly drift apart and go our separate ways. Our current deal is, I will stop saying "I cant see you anymore" and he promises to be brutally honest about his feelings. In this we feel safe.

    Guess only time will tell.

  • Drusilla

    *sigh* I'm 46,( don't look or act it btw) and half in "like" (i feel weird saying love) with my 18 year old neighbor "Chris" . The thing is I really care about him as a person, and wouldn't want to jeopardize our relationship as it is. I would do anything for this kid, including taking him in if he had no place to go. At the same time, I keep having sexual fantasies about us, which are driving me crazy. I make certain to keep it on the up and up whenever I'm around him. I fairly certain he's had some sexual feelings about me too, just from little subconsious hints he's dropped, but still: the power dynamic is too extreme. I've had a couple of friends with benefits, but they were my age. I don't think it would work with "Chris".

  • Karen

    I am a 41 year old woman and my boyfriend is 28. We met at a bar and I was instantly drawn to him. After a few months of friendship I asked him out. Initially it was a casual arrangement but after 6 months it turned serious and he told me he loved me. We have now been together a year. We really enjoy being together and have great chemistry. We go to movies, out with friends, to dinner and recently even went on vacation together. I am divorced and have 2 kids, one of which is disabled. He has never been married. He has met my family and I haven’t met his yet. He wants me to meet them but is scared b/c he knows his mom won’t approve. We haven’t set any definite plans for me to meet them. I think I can win over his mom but until we get over this hurdle I feel our future is uncertain.

  • Bridget

    I am 27 years old and my soon to be boyfriend is 18 years old. I am in love and he says he loves me. He is very mature for his age and he wants a relationship. My ex is 34 years old and cheated on me and was more immature than my 18 year old.

    This 18 year old is very caring, very affectionate, funny and so hot!! but i am scared of the 8/9 year age gap.

    this is my first try at younger men. Any advice?

  • Brad

    I'm thirty and she's 41 our relationship is awesome. We both have one children. I don't see the age difference being a problem at all. She is full of energy like me and is very outgoing. The way we feel towards each other is the craziest you would ever feel. You can't put a number on love!

  • Jack

    I'm a 20 yo guy who's dating a 37 yo, i'm head over heals for her but i'm more worried about our inevidable doom than she is!?

    I know i'm gonna have some trouble in the future with the age gap and am already worried for her because she has alot more to deal with having a 4 yo daughter and being spiritual, she belives in love and commitment 🙁 which is charming and incredibly cute, but blows the 'fantasy' of it being casual out of the water and doesnt help my cause haha.

    My parents have put a whole heap of strain on the relationship and would remoove there body parts to see us apart, i mean they *totaly* dissaprove 110% ( I understand that's an unrealistic percentage, but there un-justified hate for the situation makes it a deserving quota) lol

    No one has anything helpfull to say, my mates just say i'm a ledgend, my gf tells me what she "belives" parents tell me what they want.. and no one else really knows the situation.. i dont know what to do. It *sucks* so if anyone has a simmilar story, PLEASE help

    Thank you

  • jade

    Liz am in the same situation except he is 18 and am 35, i do have the same cncerns as most women the age gap thing, in the begninng i started it casual i wasn’t looking for anything serious just to experiment and to think i am desired by such a young person peak my interest, we became intimtate within weeks and found out am his first now its going on six months now nd we are very attached but he has became very jealousful of me nd naggs all t time and argue however we are very much inlove

  • baby

    Hy.. i am 30 y old and my 2 year relationship fiance is 23. we are very happy together and we are gettin married in 2012. so i do believe that if u are in love with someone,age doesn’t count. see you all and good luck

  • Thank you for this article and all of the comments. I'd been married for 17-years and our divorce will soon be finalized. I'm in my mid-40s and never before even thought about dating a younger man. Recently met a handsome, intelligent, younger man (25-years old) at work—-there is definite chemistry. Not only is this the first time I've been attracted to a younger man, but also the first time being attracted to a man of a different race. He and I have great conversations—he is educated, mature, gorgeous and looking for a relationship. I have an 11-year old from my 17-year marriage, so raising my child takes priority over everything; however, I would love the companionship of this young man. I believe there is a chemistry between us and he feels comfortable sharing things with me. I cherish our conversations and hope in time it will result in a deep friendship that will evolve into "no strings attached" companionship. He goes out often with his friends and shares that he is finding himself at a different place in his life than they. He mentions all of them have serious girlfriends and he's tired of being a 5th wheel. Since I'd done all of the hanging out w/friends, frequenting bars and the like in my early years, this does not bother me at all. I believe if I'm there w/a listening ear for him, he'll continue to feel comfortable coming to me. I'm so attracted to him and find many of my weekend time thinking about him. I'm cautious about letting him know my feelings, though, because of our working relationship. Thanks for listening, all.

  • Aimee

    I loved reading all of these comments, it’s making me feel better about my own situation. I am 41, most people think I’m in my late 20’s, early 30’s, and have been seeing a guy that is 24 for a little over a month now. We met on an online dating service, he emailed me a year ago, I didn’t think much of it because of his age. I do and always have liked younger men, but this was just a year older than my oldest daughter. I guess I should state, I was married for 17 years, to a guy my own age, needless to say, it didn’t work out. Anyway, after my divorce, I started dating pretty quickly, mostly guys in their 30’s. Thinking these guys should be over the game playing, boy, was I wrong. It was always such a guessing game with them. Do they really like me, are they gonna call/text me, when am I gonna see them again. Just got so tired of all the nonsense. So then I check my email one day and see this “kid” sent me another email. My first thoughts were, cute, but so young. But after reading his profile, I could tell he was very mature for his age, hard working, and I wouldn’t be the first older woman he’s been with. Let me just say, I’m so glad I gave this guy a chance. He is the most sweet, caring, genuine, guy I’ve met since my divorce. And the sex, OMG!!! He’s just the total package. I never have to wonder how he feels about me, we talk very openly and honestly. He’s not into games, and he treats me with respect. We are so very attracted to each other, and I can finally say I’m happy again. I never had this with anyone before, wasn’t planning on falling for this guy. But it’s happening. I guess my biggest fears are what my kids will think, and will this be something that could possibly turn serious? There is so much passion when we’re together, he’s all I think about. I love that fact that when we’re in public, the first thing he does is grab my hand, and I don’t mind that we get stares. At this point in my life, I could care less what people think, we’re happy, and that’s all that matters. Who would have thought that this guy, at 24, would outshine all the older guys. He is by far the hottest, and most decent guy I’ve met since I started dating. Older guys need to take lessons from these younger guys, they want to go out of their way to please you, it’s so refreshing!! So any woman out there who’s contemplating this, don’t think twice, younger guys rock!!

  • aussie

    @Concerned… I feel your thoughts! I'm 21, and have just met this amazing guy who is 16 – 17 in November. When we're together the age difference leaves my mind, and only comes back if/when I'm around my old school friends. I am yet to tell my group I'm seeing him as it's still new. But I am scared of what they might think if my relationship with my guy gets serious. It's hard. I have always been more attracted to younger guys, but this is the biggest age gap I've encountered. Best of luck to you and your guy!

  • shamrock

    Wow, I’m amazed by all the stories on here. So I’ll throw mine in. 🙂 I’m 35 and dated a wonderful 23 year old for 10 months. Things were terrific between us. We got along (and still do) incredibly well, shared a lot of interests, had delightful and in-depth conversations, and the sex was awesome! We were talking about moving in together, but that’s when things changed. The more “real” it became is when I noticed him backing away. He finally told me that he was not ready for that kind of commitment and that he didn’t want to break my heart years down the road. He loved me, but didn’t see himself with me for the the long-term. I was devastated. It still hurts. I fell deeply in love with him, more than my ex-husband. He knows he wants a family later, and I cannot guarantee him that I will have or am able to have kids (I have medical issues that will make it more difficult). It’s tough because he had become my best friend. We still talk and see each other and have amazing sex, but now it’s not leading anywhere. I’m not giving up on younger guys, but maybe not quite so young next time.

  • gina

    my husband (age 61) moved out six months ago after almost 20 years…he was having an emotional affair (text & phoning) with a 44 year old married woman…i asked him to stop or leave. At first is was extremely painful – betrayal, hurt pride, etc. also he has serious health issues, 3 heart attacks, 4 stents, smokes, lost most of his teeth, almost impotent. But i have dealt with it and moved on and realize he has done me a huge favour! i went on a dating website and, at age 68 (passing easily for 50) am attracting 30 & 40 something year olds. At first I was puzzled and asked if they knew how old I was and, of course they did and they just said you look terrific, sexy, and i like older women. I did date a few closer to my age – too old for me! I have just spent a delightful, passionate afternoon with a 46 year old…wow…nice to know this is getting more acceptance. He went back to his place and immediately started messaging me about what he wants to do with me next time….ahem…

  • Concerned

    I am concerned because i'm 22 and my boyfriend is 17. I have had one serious relationship that lasted 4 years we were engaged and lost two children together. I havent dated in over a year and this is the first person that i had really felt something for i feel alittle silly because of his age and i don't know if his feelings are the same as mine. I have never dated anyone younger than me before i have always dated up my ex was 31. This is all new to me and i have no idea what to do or how to act. I don't even know if it will last but i wanted to know if there would be a chance that something good might come out of this. Can anyone share some wisdom ????

  • Samantha

    Wow…..thank you to all the ladies (and gents) who are going through what I am! Its my 33rd birthday on Saturday, and my guy is 20!! Am I crazy? No!!! I am tired of the crap I have been putting up with for the last 10 years from guys my own age, and older. My guy is sensitive, caring, handsome, loving…..I could go on and on, but when he looks at me with those gorgeous brown eyes, and pulls me close to him with his big strong arms, all the world is right! Age is nothing but a number honey!!! All ladies need to keep on keeping on and enjoy your young guys! There's no one better for us! I'm loving every minute!

  • Undecided

    Hi, I just met this guy and as soon as he saw me couldn't keep his eyes off me. We flirted and I eventually got his number. He's attractive looking and is very nice, The next day we talked on the phone & I was shocked when he told me he's 17 going on 18 in 4 mths, imediately I felt disappointed. I told him I just turned 25 two mths ago. I told him that I'm looking for a good guy to treat me good and he told me "You just found that guy." I can't stop thinking about him and all I think about is the age gap. On top of it all I don't even look my age, I look like I'm 19 & I always have to show my ID at places because no one believes I'm 25. What should I do?

  • Brooke

    I met a guy online and we have been dating for 6 months now. I'm 50 and he's 28, he's the sweetest guy, I've ever met in my whole life. I've never had romance and felt so good. Friends think I'm insane, but I dont care, I'm happy for the first time ever! He's totally in love with me and I'm totally in love with him too! I'm the first older woman he's dated and he loves it. Neither one of us has every had a relationship like he and I are in. Love this site..glad to see so many of us so happy..Age is only a number, love knows that!

  • scott

    Jus deep – that’s a stupid thing to call older women…’oldies’. You’re the kind of guy who will hurt whoever you get involved with because you probably already have so many stereotypes in your head that you are operating from, no amount of maturity could influence nor correct. You’ll probably be as shallow and self-serving as you are right now at 21. I know dudes like you. You’re not much younger than I am. And all these ‘dudes’ counterparts, who are in their 50’s, are what society calls ‘dirty old men’. Well, they’re not. But many of them ARE losers who still play headgames with women and then blame women because they’re lonely old losers.

    Since I was 23 I’ve dated no others except women older than me, and usually at a minimum of five years older. I don’t even consider that an ‘older woman’ to be honest. I prefer women 10 + years older than myself. Here’s why…

    They are SO much easier to connect with emotionally. They play far, far fewer games than women my age who frankly don’t act like women, but little girls. It’s creepy sometimes how these ‘girls’ my age equate stupidity with attractiveness. Like being ignorant and not knowing anything makes them ‘cuter’. I guess it’s not surprising that they’re also the ones those older dudes hit on. Not all chicks my age are like this. Some are really together intellectually. But I still am not attracted to them physically.

    I like the combination of experience and sexuality that older women bring. I do not date older women serially. I’ve only had two relationships with older women and am in one now. In fact, they are the only relationships I’ve had. I’ve dated many girls my age but they didn’t become relationships, and relationships are just SO much more satisfying.

    The woman I’m with now is totally her own woman. She doesn’t take any crap from anyone, including me. Yet, she is strong in such a loving way and she really wants to know how I really feel about ANYTHING. She doesn’t judge me. She doesn’t always like it, but she doesn’t condemn or freak out or roll her eyes. I can tell she’s trying to understand me.

    Does she have a ‘youthful body’? Nope. But she does work out and is slim. That’s her choice and she does it for herself. She was like this when I met her. Does she have wrinkles? Yep. And I don’t love her any less for them. To me, they are evidence of a Life lived. I feel no shame in her age and she doesn’t either.

    My friends do tease me on occasion, but they see how happy and, better, how CONTENT I am. I feel it too. I feel more confident and positive. Most of them are jealous. Some are curious enough to ask how we deal with this or that aspect of the age difference and I tell them what I tell everyone: our problems are rarely related to an age gap but rather a personality issue. It’s just two personalities, like any other relationship.

    She has no kids and I don’t want them. Please don’t give me that crap about me wanting them later. I like kids, but not everyone WANTS their own. People with kids or who want them can’t believe anyone wouldn’t. Get off our backs, ok? Some of us are perfectly content not to have them. Not everyone wants what you want. And this also is a ‘benefit’, if that’s the word, in being involved with an older woman. She’s made most of Life’s Big Decisions already and OK with them.

    She’s totally supportive of me but she doesn’t support me finanically. I’m not a kept boy-toy in other words. I’m educated and have my own job.

    I am not ashamed whatsoever nor embarassed about my love for this woman. When we’re in public, we hold hands like any other couple might. We’re in love after all. It’s natural to us. Do some people stare? Yeah. And guess who it usually is making the snarky, childish, bratty comments about us both?

    You got it: girls my own age. They prove my point, every time, that they’re so busy acting and behaving younger than they are, as if they’re incapable of maturing or frightened of it, and are total turn offs to me. I don’t care how ‘pretty’ they are or think they are. They just turn me the heck off with that attitude.

    I’m 6’4″ and used to be on the college swim team. I have worked as a male model a few times. I’m not ugly in other words. Is it because I”m good looking and CHOOSE to be with an older woman that these chicks act like total b*itches to me and my partner? WTF is wrong some of you? What business is it of yours what other people do or feel? It’s not. Grow up already. I mean, if you’re 19 and you’re still acting like you’re 14…you’ve got a problem, not the people around you.

    Anyway, I want to encourage the older women on this board who have enjoyed being with younger men to keep going at it. Nevermind this article’s Final Doom insistence. ANY relationship can be doomed by many factors, not just one. Few divorces occur because of ONE thing like ‘age gap’. If me and my partner do not make it, if we break up, it won’t be because she’s older and I’m younger. It won’t be because of hormones, which is the basis of your arguement that these relationships are or should be doomed. That’s irrational logic and you have nothing to substantiate it but your own perspective.

    Ladies, if some younger guy is playing you, you will find out the same way you would if any man was playing you. Kick him to the curb but DON’T give up on younger men if you like them. Some are jerks, some are not. I think my partner would tell you the same.

    Old dudes, btw…most of you that are alone are alone because you never grew up. You never stopped being selfish boys. Sack up, grow up, and learn to make a woman happy. If not, then please stop b*tching about your ex-wives being happier with younger men. You’re loss boss…

  • mari

    I am now 54 and I have fallen in love with a guiy (man) who will be 21 next month. He has had life experiences which I believe helped him mature much faster than most. It was mutual until a girl made him embarassed about it. Since then it has been off and back on. It does not help we live about 1600 miles apart and met on the internet. It's not like we physically have been together more than one time. We fell in love before we met in person. I was married 20 years and my husband died 2000, I was 43 then. I was 23 when we married. I hate it but this guy honestly knows me better and treats me much better than my husband did, makes me sad, cuz when he was alive I loved him a lot. Now after he got back together with me a second time. He decided he needed someone his age. In a way I agree, because I can not have children and I think he deserves to be a daddy as much as he loves his nieces which he has acquired the last two years. He met a girl and I saw her on facebook. She has a pic of him kissing her head. It has only been a few days. I am so torn up I am sick. I cannot stop my feelings for him! I tried for the last year and could not. The more I tried, the more he was on my mind. I told him I was okay, but when I saw that pic today, I emailed and told him I must have lied I was sorry. I just hope he is not mad and stops being friends at all again…. I know that is wrong, I had a feeling but let myself go and it must have been at the sqame time I did that they met. His family is mixed up about me. They prefer he finds someone his age. She looks older than him, I know better than to judge age by looks. I have been told I look in my 20s, not today… and my voice sounds like I am 19-20s. I look super young no matter if my hair is short or long like it is now, to my waist. I don't know what I want here. I know I want him.

  • Jus deep

    I am 21 i really likes women older than me 25+.but i am too much attracted for 40+ i know thats crazy but i just love oldies.

  • Smanga

    Im one of those who are dating younger man and for me it was a problem cause it took me along time to accept it,even now there are somewere I dont want to go with him and him also.He said he is not ready to introduce me to him family cause his mother wont approve this so sometime I have douts that he wants me or mybe he is just keeping himself busy til he find someone his age.He said he wants me to be his wife and he wants to have kids with me.I love him and he loves me so what can we do about all this.I have two kids and separated with my husband for five years now an I dont c myself with my ex anymore.Im 40 years old he is 29 so what can I do cause we need each other.

  • Karen

    @Landon Powell -Wow! That is wonderful to hear that after ten years together it sounds like it is still going strong. I am where you were ten years ago. My boyfreind is 22 and I am 44. We have been together for 2 years and it has been great. I pray that things continue to blossom with you and your girlfriend. -Karen

  • Leslie

    I am 33 and he is 20. We met at work and have been together for just over 8 months. He still lives with his parents and will be going back to school in a few months. At first I was hesitant, well, more than hesitant, about becoming involved with a teenager (he was 19). But he continued to persue me, and I eventually accepted the fact that I was falling in love with him. Over the months, I stopped noticing his age. We felt like equals, most of the time. Until last night, and now I AM FREAKING OUT!!! We went out last night and I met his friends for the first time. Three of them came out. And it was just this awful reality check! I felt like such a pervert sitting there with a bunch of 19 year olds. I felt so judged! And then I couldn't look at him. Every time I did, this voice in my head was just screaming, "This is wrong! End it!". I love him so much, but I don't know if I can get over these games my head is playing with me. I know he would tell me I'm being ridiculous, and that no one cares, but of course he would say that. But then I think he's right. Why should I care if anyone cares. Why? Because he is practically still a child, and has his whole life ahead of him, and I am selfishly staying with him. I don't know. I need to do some serious soul searching I think, and just make up my mind one way or the other.

  • my name is…

    it's the comments that i've appreciated reading here since the conclusion of this article makes it sound like a relationship of this nature is doomed and without a future.

    i'm 50 and recently started spending time with someone half my age. i've dated many younger men so it feels natural to me. and wonderful. with any relationship, there is thought of what the future holds; it's uncertain with all of them.

    i appreciate that it is now less 'taboo' for younger men and older women to engage in intimate, committed relationships. it's about time. and why not? it's the feelings between two people, not the age. and the arrangement is between the two people in the relationship, not anyone outside of it. if family or friends or outsiders have a problem with it, it's their mind trappings. the heart doesn't know of such things as difference in age, or ethnicity or any of the boxes we put around relationships. the heart simply feels, and loves. and if what the heart loves is the body of someone with a different age, then fantastic for being open enough to listen to that.

  • landon powell

    I'm thirty and my girlfriend is fifty. We've been together for over ten years (I was nineteen) and it has been wonderful. Once we started having sex, there really wasn't any stopping us. It really was all we did for quite a while. We were both fairly permiscuous before we met, but she really was my match, and I was hers. No other age group combination can keep up with each other. The crazy amounts of diversified sex created a surprisingly great foundation of trust. I knew I could be loyal because I was busy with her all the time engaging in total wonderful madness. Younger women (no offense) often don't understand their bodies nearly as well as older women. I would love to explain in more accurate detail, but that's rude. The point is that she is amazing and I can't imagine life with anyone else.

  • mazz

    Hi, I am in a hellish situation at the moment. In the past year i have become, friends, then best freinds, then friends with benefits and am now in a relationship with a man who is 19 years my junior, is one of my oldest daughters freinds, and who has a condition called dispraxia.

    Thing is, his family were very happy and encouraged our freindship early on. They actively encouraged it infact even though he never made his feelings a secret and always made them aware of how much of an impact we had on each other.

    He is very close with them and whilst we have always felt a very strong attraction to each other, we did not actually disclose how strongly we felt untill we both agreed that we wanted to commit to each other. Their initial reaction was disaproval, but it quickly cooled. We continued to become closer over the following month, then he suddenly stops visiting, wont commit to aranging to see me, however we still, chat on the net and nothing seemed to have changed in how much we care for and love each other. Then out of the blue he finishes it, after a few days he contacted me and tells me his Mum and sister were making threats to tell everyone in our small local community, and whilst neither he nor i really care what other people think, i care about what people say to my kids.

  • Rojhat

    I'm 18 and she's 23, well i'm totally in love with her and today I will know that see "can" be with me. I'm nervous and cant wait for the moment. Can any one tell what problems might became on our way and what does a women think about younger boys?

  • Cdub

    Interesting article. I’m 42 (look like a little kid tho) and have been dating a 33-yr old for the past few months. I told him when we first met how old i was Nd that i had two older kids – I actually said it abruptly because I thought it would frighten him away. It didn’t at all. He’s never dated anyone older before, while my ex-husband was six years younger than me (we started dating when I was 29 and he was 23). I guess I was a cougar before I knew what a cougar was!

    We have an incredible attraction and get along so well; I really enjoy being around him. However, he’s young and immature and lives the bachelor stoner life while I’m an “upstanding member of society” in a town 100 miles away with two kids and the life that goes with that.

    I tell myself all the time that this has no future while I feel myself falling for him more and more. He talks in future tense, suggesting that we go to Mexico or Hawaii together. When I returned from an annual wine trip last weekend he said I should take him next year. He’s never met my kids and knows I have no plans to go that route either.

    Who knows what we’re doing and I know that I have a huge potential to get hurt. He’s probably going to want kids, I’m done. His career isn’t an option where I live and I can’t move because of my kids. His life and lifestyle would have to completely change in order for us to bs together long-term and that’s not realistic, not to mention unfair. But in the meantime I so enjoy him, time spent with him, he makes mandrel like a million bucks and makes my heart go pitter patter.

  • Amanda

    I'm 35 years old and recently divorced. I left my husband in May 2010 and in July, just prior to the divorce being finalized, I met my 27 year old bf at a friends party. We are 10.5 months into our 'relationship', and while we are not officially bf/gf, we spend almost every weekend together (he works out of town during the week). We have such a unique relationship. We base our relationship off of being honest with each other, since that was a reason I divorced. We are best friends and our relationship is not based soley on sex. This past weekend, (after months of struggling about how I felt for him and after telling him the previous weekend we could only be friends and immediately regretting that decision) he kissed me and I told him that I wasn't honest with him and I didn't want to be just friends. I'm head over heels in love with this man, who I must say has his shit together than most men in their 20's-40's. When it comes to love, you don't choose who you fall in love with…we met and were friends and this beautiful relationship has evolved and taken us both by surprise. It's beautiful, uncomplicated, refreshing. I'm his breath of fresh air, and he is the 'muscle' behind my smile. Our biggest fear is risking our friendship. So we take it slow…because good things come to those who wait.

  • CES

    IT REALY AMAZING TO HEAR THAT SO MANY YOUNG MEN ARE DATING OLDER WOMAN AND MINE IS NOT AN EXCEPTION .IM 35 AND HE IS 22 AND MOST OF THE ABOVE AGE MENTIONIS IS IN THIS RANGE. ANYWAY THIS MEN CANOT LEAVE IF HE DOES NOT SEE ME FOR ONE DAY .HE MAKE SURE HE WILL CALL AND CHECK ON ME .I THOUGHT THAT NO BODY LIKES ME CAUSE I FEEL I WAS UGLY AND HE IS SO HANDSOME ,HE GOES TO THE SALON FOR FACIAL HAVE NICE INDIAN HAIR AND ME I HAVE AFRICAN HAIR .HE LOVE ME LIKE CRAZY AND HE EVEN TALKIN OF MOVING TO MY COUNTRY AND WE WILL GET MARRIED AND HE WILL BE THE FATHER OF MY 2ND CHILD .THE THING IS HE IS ALREADY MARRIED BUT NOW HE IS PLANING TO GET A DIVORCE JUST TO BE WITH ME ,I TOLD HIM JUST DONT DO SOMETHING THAT HE WILL FEEL GUILTY TOMORROW BUT I REAL FALLIN FOR HIM AND HE MAKE ME FEEL SO GOOD. TILL NOW WE HAVE BEEN KISSIN ONLY AND I CAN WAIT TO HAVE HIM ON THE BED CAUSE HE IS FULL WITH ENERGY AND ME I HAVE LOTS OF EXPERIENCE.I SINCERLY HOPE THAT THING WORK OUT FOR THE BEST .

  • Miki B.

    I know we are lucky to have found one another. My soulmate is 26 I am 53, it is wonderful. He is mature, intelligent, kind and, well, 26… 🙂 I have never experienced intimacy with anyone that even comes close to what we have and he was, ahem, rather inexperienced when we met.

    He makes me happy, makes me smile and at times drives me batty. But once I look into his beautiful blue eyes, all's well with the world.

    I am happy to be happy. We enjoy one another. One day at a time.

  • Tortured

    Oh wow…I’m glad I read this, it’s so right in so many ways. I’m a 45 year old woman and I’ve been seeing someone 21 yrs younger than me for a year now, and it’s been very hard for me, not only because of the age difference, but because he was my friend before it happened that our feelings for each other grew. It’s a long story, but…throughout this, we have never had…well, sex (and yes, other things have happened) We’re very connected, and have always been afraid to ruin that….but we can’t be around each other and not have intense feelings…it sucks (thank God we’re not around each other as much as we could be)!! Trust me, the man is an amazing person…he happens to be gorgeous too…a double whammy. I was into someone else when we met, and he use to flirt with me, and I wasn’t interested because I had had younger boyfriends before, and things didn’t work out, and those were only about half as much younger than me as he is, so I just frankly didn’t pay any attention to him. Then my heart got broken, and he and I became closer friends…then I started looking at him differently because he’s actually got himself together, more than most of the men I’ve ever known in my life…my age and older!! I can’t believe it, I just simply cannot believe it…really…never say never. It’s really crazy, I’m so not a “Cougar”, and I personally don’t like that mentallity, even though, yes, I have had younger boyfriends, I can say that there could have been a lot more, and the ones I did get involved with were special to me. I would prefer being with someone closer to my age, but you can’t help what your heart feels. I don’t know how to handle this situation, and have felt very confused, and helpless, so, although this article cannot “cure” the situation, it was nice to see some understanding. I know of relationships with people that have worked out, where the age difference was very great, but…it’s definately not typical. I wish I could just forget my fears and enjoy my times with him, but I can’t…and he wants for me to stay in his life!! I can’t believe I’m writing this…but I’m glad to get it out…I know many people wouldn’t understand it, but, it is what it is.

  • Cristine

    I dated a younger guy for 7 weeks. It was really fun. He was 10 years younger than me. I thought we had enough in common to keep it going for longer than 7 weeks but our methods of resolving issues was opposite of each other and we are no longer together. I was smitten with him. He and I seem to be in sync in so many ways. Yet he could not over come a tiny minor miscommunication so we parted. I honestly believe today it was his excuse to walk away. I enjoyed this article and did my research on my attraction to a younger man. This article put things into perspective. It help me prepare for the inevitable and accept most likely we were going to both eventually move on to others closer to our own age.

  • Anonymous

    Shes 39 Am 22.@ first she was all that a wanted but later after living with her for two years av found out shes not all that.n tha big prob is she just let go of herself no girly stuff.wen we met she used to go facials manicures and all that but now shes does none of it.n all tha girls ma age looks soooo beatiful,smooth skin younger loks,(dont why she stopped caring for herself) a just dont want to waste ma time with someone who have done all that n cometo regret it in tha future .and a dont want to breskup with her,it will crash her…….am confused dont how a got myself in this @ tha first place,,

  • DNA

    Hi…I’m 24 male, never have a serious girlfriend before. Frankly, I do love to make a lady younger than my age as my girlfriend and soon to be my future wife. If can far younger than me.

    I found some ladies that able to catch my eyes, but I’m not have any courage to approach them, maybe I have a really low self-esteem since I do look older than my age. Any people who is first time meet me would say I’m was 30 and look matured, and I think I do act so.

    2 years ago, I met a lady at my workplace and yes she’s catch my eyes. Firstly I thought she was 26 and I think I can tolerate a 2 years age-gap. Suddenly I knew her real age…she is 32. Then, I decide to treat her as my older sis since. I have decide not to have her since she is 8 years older (I’m really a strict person, and I want a younger life-partner).

    In the periods of time till today , she treat me really well and so do I. We share lots of things together. What can I say here, we deeply knew each other. Without my control, I do start fall in love with her…I’m starting to miss her when she’s not around, I felt worried if she’s not in a good condition, I love to take care of her all my might. I really don’t know how much and how strong her feelings towards me. What I’m afraid the most, her love towards me is only a normal love to a younger brother.

    I do not have courage to express my feelings to her. I’m afraid of her rejection. She’s a hot stuff, many men approaching her but as far as I know she’s still not have any serious partner yet. God, I need courage!

  • Liz

    Hi All,
    I have been dating a guy who is 15 years younger than myself. I am 34 and he is 19. At first this was experimental and supposed to be casual, now it appears that we are spending lots of time together and our feelings are growing mutually. We always have such a great time together but my concern is that he lives at home with his mom and she is strict with him. He can’t stay out the night or even when we do go out she is calling him and telling him to be home at a decent hour. He can’t really go out late during the week or stay out late on weekends. He is going to be 20 in august. Is this normal?

  • desiree

    I just came across this article at a time when I need it. I’m 32 and i have taken a liking in a 22 yr old young man. Now I have NEVER EVER had any dealings with a guy younger than me. Currently I am in a relationship of 17 yrs. However there are issues. So I met this guy at work and I notice he was “eye candy” but I left it alone. I later found out how old he was & nearly had a heart attack. I said to myself noway. However this guy started to get sweet on me and I started to fall for it forgeting about his age. So now we are going out here & there.I am so skeptical of this whole thing BUT I really like him. I keep telling myself this is wrong,he is a baby. However this article just cleared the air for me. I’m not looking for nothing serious & he knows it. I’m curious & so is he. This should be interesting!!! Thanks!!!!!!

  • Mimi

    I am 45 and dating/living with a man that is 25. At first, it was so exciting and I felt I had found my soulmate. Our problems didn't start until he told his ex-girlfriend about us and she made some mean comments back. They are "best friends" and he took those comments pretty hard, which made me feel he wasn't totally over her. He has assured me over and over that he is, but he doesn't want me included in his friendship with her. (She lives a long ways away.) Our relationship doesn't come up in their conversations unless something is wrong, and that's when he goes to her for advice. I've had such a horrible time with this that I've been doing nothing more than pushing him away. I really do want to be okay with their friendship, but being excluded from it makes it very difficult, and really, my complaining and accusing him of still loving her has put that boundary there. I don't know how to undo it. He's still here, says he loves me, but doesn't know that he can trust me to finally come to terms with it and be calm about it. I want to, but it's so hard. She is coming for another visit with her family and he wants to visit her…of course, I'm not invited. How do I deal with this ex situation, where they became best friends out of a bad relationship with each other? I so love him and for the first time in my life, I'm with someone because I want to be; not because I need someone to make me feel whole. I don't know if it's the age difference that is underlying this or just plain old insecurity. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

  • Allen

    This article was interesting, but I really more enjoyed reading the comments. My girlfriend of one year is 37 and im 20. She has two kids and been married twice. I am finishing up college. We've lived together for six months now and just got a house. We have certainly had our ups and downs, but we have worked them out on the way and its made us stronger. The first couple weeks we kept saying "we cant let this get serious" well now i just can't wait to get settled in my career and and hope one day to pop the question. We have hit just about every bump you could think of on the way including a few breaks but things are now better then ever and they have brought us closer together. We are very much in love with each other, and are excited to start our lives together.

  • Kelli

    The impression your article leaves is that more likely than not, the relationship will end because the woman is older and the man younger. You hint around that the future is uncertain but that’s about as close as it gets. Is it really such a stretch for you to think that an older woman and younger man could actually marry and it NOT be so uncommon? After all, older men marry younger woman ALL the time. I found the underlying tone within your article to be highly objectionable in it’s not so subtle sexism. Wow, either you are a man or a terribly misled woman.

  • practicalhappiness.c

    Hello, Kelli. It is indeed less common for an older woman and a younger man to have a long term relationship or marriage than the other way around, although its certainly not impossible and there are wonderful relationships out there between a man and woman who is 10 or more years older than her guy. To say that it happens "all the time" would be an exaggeration. I don't like to explain the cruel ways of nature which make an older man/ younger woman relationship much more likely to succeed, but it's important for women not to be in denial of the fact that the differences in physiological changes of aging make the older man / younger woman a highly more compatible relationship than the other way around in the long run. This of course doesn't mean that the guy should be as old as a woman's father.

  • Letting go…

    Dear Crossroads: I can relate to your reply! I am 36 years old and was dating a younger man at the age of 23 for two years. I am also divorce and have two kids. We recently ended it due to the age difference. Or is it the age difference? I feel I needed to let him go and venture out life. The toughest part was that I miss him dearly. We did practically everything with him. I don’t think I will ever find someone like him again. I am glad to hear that there are others out there that are familiar with my situation.

  • sue

    This is in response to Kay, who found herself attracted to a younger man, the same age as her daughter and ended w/saying, "am I crazy or what?", (and NO, your'e not!) I have to respond to her, as I too, am attracted to a younger guy. I'm 51 and the guy is 28. (same age difference, and I too, look alot younger than my age; I have long hair almost to my fanny, and have lost alot of weight in a year and half becuz I P.walk/jog etc…) So, it's easy for someone younger to think that I, too am younger than I actually am! (Except in my particular case; I have a son OLDER than him and I have 5 Gr.kids!) So, I'm REAL hesitant to pursue this any farther! But,,,,since people are human and feel real feelings, it's easier said than done to ignore these (strong!) feelings that I have for him! We met at work a year ago, but I knew who he was from years back when I worked w/his sister and I was VERY overweight and I always thought to myself whenever I'd see him, "Wow he is SOOO handsome" and he'd ignore me (And to this day, still can't rem. me!) But, at first (a year ago), we argued a little, (butted heads as he said), then this co worker commented, "Boy you two sound like an old married couple! Why don't you just get together? and I was appalled saying, "He's old enuf to be my son!" and she was like, "So?" and I looked at him, and he looked at me, and I swear from that point on; we've been SOOOO drawn together and our mutual attraction would sometimes get in the way of our work, but, long story short; It's been a year and I've tried and tried to ignore my feelings for him, and put my feelings for him out of my head; but then I'll go to sleep and dream about him! I've been Cellebate for almost 13 yrs. now, and he's bringing all these feelings that I thought were LONG gone, back to the surface! He's sooo smart, extremely funny and so thoughtful and kind to me! He's hinted around saying he wants me to go to some gatherings w/him (family and friends), and I've said, "But, I'm older than you and we wouldn't have fun",,,That didn't discourage him as he'd keep trying! Then, he's said that he really needs to hang w/my sons etc…And I'd just laugh and blow it all off….BUt, I've been realizing that he's serious! He used to tell me, in the beginning about different girls that he'd been dating, then broke it off with; but now, he won't tell me anything about them saying that he single and goes it alone, but that he really wants a relationship… I now, do not work there and he's been calling me, texting me like, every day! I'm past the, 'hesitant to go out w/him' stage now and ready to really do this…But, I will NOT make the first move becuz I'm not like that; but I think he's scared to ask me to go out again (since I've laughed him off sooo many times already; and he's real sensitive), but I too, don't want to get hurt as I think he doesn't either. So, I'll just wait and see; but I miss him sooo much every day and it's like my soul connected to his soul and it's only good when we're together. I'm thinking he feels the same way, as he texts me and calls more now…So we'll see… So I'm wondering if Kay still kept the relationship up and wondering if she did, if it ended up working out?

  • Jeff

    Hi…what you're about to read may make you want to judge me unfairly.I have known the woman I've been seeing for many yrs. She is the mother of a friend of mine who was killed in an accident. I started spending time with her after he passed away…I suppose because it helped her feel connected to him. Then she asked me to spend the night a few times…being that I live almost an hour away I did it.After about the third time I stayed there ..and not sure you will even post this…but she walked into the bathroom while I was showering. I just asked her to join me and she did. So let the judging begin because that night we had the most amazing sex ever…she is 65 yrs old and awesome in bed…on the floor…everywhere! We have sex at least once a week and her body is beautiful…not just "for her age"…for any age.I'm 34 and she rocks my world.

  • AJ

    Our age difference is 14 yrs, Im 36 he's 22. We have been together on and off for almost 2 yrs. At first we thought it was going to be casual but we fell for each other. I ahve since divorced my husband of 15 yrs and continue this relationship with him. He wants to move in but Im afraid to bring him into my home. I have 2 boys 11 & 15 and my fear is that he will walk out after. He's very mature and has promised the sun and the moon but i dnt know what to do. I love him and dont want to let go but this relationship has been very explosive and complicated.

  • I am a 74 year old woman who has been dating a 55year old guy for about a year. It's incredble but everyone that doesn't know me think I'm in my forties with a body and skin that isn't wrinkled-even my doctor says she can't believe it! The only reason I'm writing this is because my boyfriend is so into good-looking women and when he first saw me he knew I was THE ONE without knowing my age! I think the secret to my agelessness is that I actually forget my age and still do things that I did in my thirties-wearing clothing that enhances my slim figure and have a very current hairstyle,enjoy listening to groups like Foreigner and Journey and Santana. My children and his (when they knew my age)were at first aghast at the age difference but are now accepting. Love is a very powerful force-people kill each other and themselves for it, kings give up their thrones for it-relish the love you have and enjoy and savor the uniqueness of it! In time you'll realize age is meaningless if you truly love and respect each other! is May-Sept relationships is "Forget about age-enjoy each otherese

  • Sam

    I'm 49 & he's 25, I really enjoy him a lot! This is something that just happened, he approached me and was persistent abouut us dating. I tried to resist, but eventually gave in and now my feeling for him have grown greatly. He is really a sweetheart. I did have a problem with the age thing but as my feeling grow I don't want to let go.

  • Sd

    Hi great article I am 27 and she is 44 we met 7 months ago and I love her already and she loves me but because of the age gap she is to nervous to let her feelings take true control and let us be in a relationship together. Whilst originally it was supposed to be a causal relationship we are just so close, I mean I love her voice her smile everything! I mean she has never been married or had kids and looks amazing for her age her body is stunning and the sex is great!! I mean we speak every evening and we share so many secrets but yet she still tells me to keep a look out for other girls and is embarrassed to tell any of her friends about me it’s like I am her special secret help me what do I do?

  • Titan

    Hi,

    I am 24 yrs old and my lady is 39 yrs old.She's a hotty, very Succesful & independant.We have been dating for the best part of 2yrs now. She has been divorced for 4yrs, and has 2 children from her previous relationship of 13yrs.

    We moved in together a little more than a year ago,So we really have an intense and live relationship.We spend more time together than the average couple as we also work together at the same company (Hence where we met).

    All my previous relationships have always been with somewhat older woman,throughout schooldays & Varsity.I have had younger girlfriend's but got feed-up with all the ambitionless bullshit of having a younger girl as they are not really sure of what there plans in life are."they arn't actually realistic dreamers"

    Our Familie's are already use to the our relationship (the age issue)and yes there were a few concerns raised,but generally they have all made peace with our setup.Our relationship is no secret,as all our friends,work collegues are aware that we are involved.This is the biggest step any couple can make going forward.

    Most of the day's we completely forget about the age gap, but as soon as we have the slightest of arguments this age issue always arises. Older woman are stronger,but also the have a alot of insecurities with this regard.The big question being will I still love her in ten, or twenty years from now….If she'll still be attractive to me in twenty yrs.

    How do I deal with this??nothing I ever say seems to be good enough.How does a man that really love his lady make any garuntee like this.Any young man/older woman will have this similiar issue if they are to start with future plans.

    I fear that she will give up all when she gets older & wakes up one morning & decides that she might want something else.That she might feel as if she is holding me back in life.

    Such a relationship does and can work,I believe it brings out the best & most beautiiful side of all,but like any other it has it's issues also.

  • C

    I have been on and off with this women i met at my job (shes 36 and im 23). Anyhow we have decided to work things out and it is AMAZING. The sex is outta control and i feel so connected to her.. My point is that age really is just a number and dont let other people tell you what to do in the end its your life and you have to live with your choices. So dont let her or him get away just cause there older or younger its how you feel inside that matters!

  • I am a 22 year student and i luv dating older women i even have my girl friend she is 26 n i luv her a lot coz sh gv m evrythng i wnt,financially n sexually

  • TERRI

    Sarah-

    I need you advice I am 39 and i am dateing a man that is 22. He is very mature for his age and I like him alot. I never thought that I would ever go there but I did. I am scared because of what people would think of me. He dose not care about my age and treats me very well. For some reason I cannot attract older men. I always seem to attract men that are 30 and under. I do not look my age at all, but I carry myself in a mature fashion. I am confused and it is weird I feel that mentally I want to move forward and fall in love but something in my heart is telling me not too because of the age gap.The sex in so good and we can talk about anything he is also very handsome.what should I do!

  • rCrossroad

    Hello, I can relate to all these posts. I'm 37 and my boyfriend is 25. We have been dating almost 4 years…..right after my ex husband left me for his coworker. I was left with the small kids and nobody to share them with. I was very upset and felt I needed to get out and party. An attractive younger guy approached me at a party and we have been together ever since. He was so completely into me and great looking (tall, hazel eyes dark hair and great build). In the beginning I was totally in controll of my emotions. I deserved to be with a young hot guy and he was there for me giving me soo much attention unlike my unappreciative ex husband. My new man looked up to me for being a great mother and my accomplishments and my young looks. We were having a great time and life was so good until fun time was over. In reality I needed a man who can help me raise my children and be a family and be completely in it. I still craved a family and felt it was missing.He loves my kids and they live him but he has not been a consistant influence. My young boyfriend has tried and made so many promises of change but we always end up in the same situation. Him looking for a new job,Or too much partying with no responsibility. He was not contributing his part financially and i get he's young and we have different ideas of necessity. Also he likes to party allot with friends which is fine but I'm setteling down. He says he is so deeply in love with me and will grow up because he wants me to have his baby someday.he is trying to change but only little changes in 2 years which is great for him but not for me. I've already been through all that. I have 2 children to support. I wanted so badly to believe it would work but I feel like he's still not ready. Now Im heartbroken because I broke up with him because waiting for him to mature was exhausting. He wants me to wait and keeps telling me to hold on. It sucks! I want him but it's not practical for me and my kids.

  • Christopher James

    Haha…this is like secret womens business…now i finally learn something about the mystery of woman lol… Im 39, always attracted to older women… everything that this site says is so true…even right down to the markedly deep depression and intense hurt that a woman feels (so much more than a man) after a major divorce….the older woman does indeed need to have an affair with a younger man to heal all her hurt….its therapy…consequently im not the alcoholic,weed smoking womaniser one may wrongly assume me for….im vegetarian,intellectual,dont smoke or drink and far from boring….good luck ladies:)

  • mendilynn

    I am 31 and seeing a guy that is 20. It hasn't been that long yet, but it is amazing! He works hard, and has the energy to keep up with my lifestyle. I've got 4 boys aged 3-14, and I work 2 jobs. I am extremely active and busy with sports, school activities, and friends n family. He can keep up with me and its great, cuz most of the guys I date are lazy or they complain all the time. Im definately gonna ride this one out. If it works, ill be happy forever, and if he needs something else, ill support that, and be grateful for the time we got to have together!

  • Yellow Rose

    I love my "cub" even if he's only 9 years younger than me, I feel like I am the luckiest woman alive. He adores me and he really likes the attention and devotion I give him. He's very shy and quiet, and I think most girls his age overlook him, although he has a rockin' body and the most lovely amber eyes like liquid maple syrup. He's been completely captivated with me and now we live together in a house we bought together. Other people say they see how happy he is. After a 20 year marriage and four kids that ended in a brutal divorce, it's just heaven for me to have his simplicity and sweetness instead of the nasty head games that men my age just can't live without.

  • francisco

    Im 17 years old and i like older woman, mostly around their 30's i dont know why but its crazy they are better at sex and in contact with younger man.

  • Sarah

    Hello,

    I am 39 he is 28. I met him at work while I was married. I left my husband of 10 years and we’ve been together for 3 years. I am so totally lost in love with him… I know it’s crazy, but I cannot imagine being without him. Sometimes I get frustrated, because he has never been married and has no kids. I know eventually, he’ll find someone his age and have a family. Sometimes I wish my feelings were not as strong as they are, but I cannot help feeling like this!

    My friends have told me that I need to find someone else. Maybe is the right thing to do. But I want to hold on because I love him so much and to be honest, I am not ready to end this. At least not now….

  • Mr M.

    I have to agree with this article. Age is just a number. I'm a 27 year old male. I find it hard to interact with females my own age. I don't mind younger females in there early 20's but I have not much in common with them as well. I have always been attracted to older women. I find it easy to talk to them. No strings, no games and no drama. It all depends on the male and how they are mature in life. I myself have felt like I have done life back words. I have felt like I Started life at retirement. Example I have been driving a 25 foot boat since 12. Never really partied through high school etc… I was always the responsible kid. I've had some college but now I just paid off a brand new car in 3 years at the age of 27. At 24 I bought my first house on my own. I also purchased my first boat last year. I have a 401k. I don't make alot of money but I know what I can spend it on and what I can't. Most people my age are not at that point in life. Not to be bragging but that's where I am. I have only really found one lady 2 years younger than I that I am extremely attracted to and an older lady who is 45 years old(obviously I'm out looking). Both you would never be able to tell there age. I agree as long as you can get past the age gap have a wonderful amazing time with it. I also think that it's all about who one wants in life. Like I said I'm 27 but I feel like my body is still 16 my head feels like of a wise older man and my age is just a number. I've always wanted some one around my age but in reality the old saying some times you can't always get what you want. I am glad to see updated post on this subject. It keeps a young mans mind thinking.

  • gorgeous girl

    Well, I am a beautiful and sexy and very young looking (look late thirties) 57 year old. And I have been dating younger men for about three years now since my last divorce. (my ex was 8 years younger) I have recently begun a relationship with a 25 year old man who has more intelligence and more going for him than a man twice his age! I have two grown sons, 26 and 28, and my youngest has recently made me a grandmother two weeks ago! This man has patience and is able to express himself to me sexually in ways LIKE NO OTHER MAN HAS DONE BEFORE ever. I feel like a teenager when I am with him and he makes my knees go weak! and he is a teacher so he is smart and has insight unlike no other man I have met before except for one man from last year (cop/ preacher) who was 21 years younger than me!) The attraction is unlike anything I have felt in a long time…and I have tried to tell him that the age difference is too much and he says, Tell me what you want me to do….Tell me what you want….He keeps asking where have you been all my life and how amazing I am….He is sweet, tough (former College Football Player – linebacker) strong and thoughtful…But 32 years younger than me is a huge gap but somehow when I am with him there is no difference and we relate so very well….He says he has no problem with the age and prefers older women. So, After wrestling with this and after trying to tell him 3 different times that I was afraid…he said, Please don't leave me" …and with that being said…I am embarking on something and a journey of which I know I will never regret. I really like this guy…he is so very special and we need to be careful of who we let go out of lives and I cannot let him go now. He told me "You underestimated my awesomeness…" Wow. Was he right!

  • Barbara

    I am just about to embark on a first date with a man I've recently met but who I have seen/spoken to over many years, as he's a musician in a band I like. He's 29 (but my friends all thought he was 35 – as if THAT makes a difference) and I am 46. I think there is definately something between us but like a lot of the correspondents above I am really nervous about the age difference and the "children" issue! But you know what? If you read through all the comments above, those relationships that work are those where the older woman doesn't have any hang-ups about her age – and those that don't are ones where the older woman expresses all these insecurities… Now, from previous relationships, it is someone's insecurity than is off-putting – whatever that might be. If someone you're with goes on and on about not being good enough or too fat/skinny or this or that, sooner or later one just wants to say 'hec, I love you, get over yourself' and if the other person starts whinging by saying 'yeah, but…' the partner will get fed up and leave. So lets empower ourselves girls! As someone said, above, men have been dating younger women for decades – hell my old man was 17 years older than my mum – so, so What? We all need love and love is eternal and knows no barriers. End of Lecture!

  • hi I really like this women in her 40s she's married and with 2 kids but I can tell sometimes that she is not happy with him. And I'm actratived to her a lot but I don't know what I should do and if she feels the same about me. She is very sexy. Im 21 can someone give me some advice thanks!

  • hi I'm 16 and I have 2 options my teacher is down right amazing and we've flirted a lot and I know she likes me and I like her back I don't want anyone to find out. I'm also attracted to friends mom who is around 40 and if anything did happen it would be really awkward. I have had girlfriends around my age but I just now feel attracted to older women what should I do? Thanks and please reply!

  • Kel

    I am 40 and have been divorced for 2 years ad have two children, my son is 18 and my daughter is 15. I have tried onling dating, etc. I find men my own age boring. No sense of adventure no passion. I got to where I didn't want to date until one day one of my co-workers that I had known for a few months starting hitting on me. I did not take him seriously due to the fact that he is 21. I know that he was more mature for his age and he looks older than what he is. I decided after long and careful consideration to take that step. I am so happy that I did. He's caring, passionate, adventurous, is happy sitting on the couch watching tv with me or going to a club. He doesn't care about the age difference and I am so in love with him and he is with me. I don't look at the future 10 years or longer down the road. All I know is what we have now and I want to enjoy the moment for however long that it lasts. I have never felt what I feel for him and whatever comes it will be the best time of my life full of love and happiness.

  • I am a 51 year old female who recently divorced after 30 years. As I got back into the dating scene (online-which was new to me), I noticed that most of the men who were attracted to my profile were in their 20s or 30s. This was quite surprising to me, and not anything I ever considered before ( I had always been attracted to older men). I decided to "broaden my horizons", and date a few, and while some people seem to think there is something wrong with it-wouldn't it be a form of discrimination if I excluded a great guy simply because of his age?…I have taken good care of myself, and am very fit and attractive, (and after having been a good wife for many years, I feel I deserve to be happy!) I am actually enjoying the attention, and if I get in a relationship that either does or doesn't turn serious-well, I will just go with the flow! ;D

  • clearmind

    I have read many of these posts and I am truly happy that in some moment of life you do find someone even if it is younger that you can share a passionate and intense moment. I know there are young man that at 20-23 years old are centered and know what to say and do. But is it fair that we take away from them the opportunity to keep experiencing the different things they have to learn in life. When you get involved in a relationship they tend to feel special because an older woman is paying attention to them. But there comes a point where at times they become obsessed and start talking about moving in, and want to eat, sleep and breathe all you do. That is where you know they have lost all sense of independence and want to live thru you at all times and this only affects the relationship. If you can walk into these types of relationships with open eyes and know that at times they will only be that a fling and adventurous moment then go for it. But always keep in mind the damage you can cause these young man.

  • LuvSumr

    I felt compelled to respond to this article. I am 50 years old. I have never looked my stated age, thanks to not smoking and a great gene pool. Since my divorce three years ago, I knew I was being placed into the speed lane and needed to learn how to drive in it. After all, for years I was in the middle lane. Not having any experience prior to my marriage, I had no idea what I was getting into with relationships let alone sex with someone new. So, my new experiences brought me to younger men. Of course I didn't come without skill, however, these younger ones, they had skill and a whole new language and approach to satisfying their partner. The younger men have always approached me. At first, I thought this was impossible; am I being approached because I looked like I would give it up easily. But I learned from three of my younger partners one of twelve years and two of twenty two years, that they did indeed enjoy having sex with me, but, it was just for that and that only. However, I met a wonderful Marine through my children. He was twenty five years old. He was their friend. He had the look of confidence and the attitude of strength. We always talked in general within the family group. But our conversations were different. We both had an attraction to each other. I never spoke to him as though he was a child/mother relationship. He approached me, called me, and eventually we spent a late night together talking. I was very hesitant to let my guard down and become vulnerable. I don't do casual sex well nor relationships well. I let him know that. We both spoke about any consequences with my children and their feelings involved. I told him I did not want him to become vulnerable. He assured me that he never gets vulnerable. After talking about our feelings for each other, we bonded incredibly. We became friends first before ever having sex. This was a significant factor in our relationship. Our age difference never came up. I felt more self conscious about my age than he did. He never mentioned it. I did, and his response was his attraction to me, my attitude, my confidence and independence. I was blown away that someone that young, could identify with my life characters. Our sex life was intense. He taught me to be more comfortable with my self. To be able to ask for pleasure with a new partner. I taught him about patience and what making love was really about. But, I am crushed and devastated that our relationship ended. He was leaving the Marines, he had goals and plans. Mostly, he was able to shut off his feelings towards me as he was taught for combat. He cut me out of his life completely. During a conversation before this magical love ended, he told me he was getting confused about his future. He craved what I could give him and vis versa. He never denied he loved me nor in love with me. He was amazed at my intelligence and bragged to his fellow comrades on how smart I was. He told me other than his father, know one could calm him, talk with him and treat him individually without whining, or being needy as other girlfriends. We had an unwanted pregnancy which turned his world upside down and mine as well. I truly was heartbroken. But, as the older adult, I turned it around in my head and asked myself what would have I expected from him on how he should act. I would want the same thing, to be able to accept that we loved each other for the brief moment. But, our lives were going in different pathways. I would have expected him to accept that and I must do the same as much as it pains me. I grieve the loss of this brief loving relationship more than a long time marriage that was suffering. If you are able to enjoy the love and bonding of a younger man, I say go for it. However, I does end.

    LuvSumr.

  • Chi

    @Melissa – It seems like you went back to your ex-boyfriend because you seek
    security in a relationship. But the the younger guy only seemed to offer the one thing that you truly crave which is affection.
    You have to decide which guy makes you truly happy when you are with them.
    Also, if you did go back to the younger guy, I think you can let him know your worries and help him to become a better man. It sounds like he is more willing to listen to you and is devoted to you.
    But it’s down to you to decide who you can stand to wake up to in the morning each day. Just make sure you are happy with your decision and don’t have any regrets.

  • Kim

    I am a 40 year old woman, recently divorced for the second time. I have two kids ages 14 and 10, and I met a 29 year old man about 2 months ago that I have been seeing. When we first got together it was just as friends, or so i thought. Things progressed, and I realized it was more than just friends, and I do feel a good connection with him. He said right away that he had a hard time believing I was my age, and I have recently asked him again if it bothers him, and he said no, that he wouldn't hang out with me if it did and that I shouldn't worry so much. I do wonder where it will all lead, or if I should just go with the flow?

  • Kavi

    I'm so glad to hear that there are so many older women finding love later in life, after ups and downs, after divorces, after children with younger men. It gives me hope.

    The older I get, the more I am attracted to younger men. I was beginning to believe that this was strange for me to feel this way but after reading these posts, I'm more normal than I realized. Most of the men I have dated over the years have been younger than me by a few years. In my last relationship, my boyfriend was 7 years younger than me. I was 34, he was 27 when we first started dating. We dated for 3 years but because of his career, he wasn't ready for a commitment.

    Now I have a crush on one of my managers at work who is 21. I'm 37. He's handsome, fit, very sweet, smart, hardworking and ambitious. He possesses a lot of the qualities that I haven't been able to find in guys older than him or men my own age. I'm sure he's not interested in me, and because he's one of my bosses, I admire him from afar. I'd love to date him but one can dream, right?

    I am starting to realize that as I get older, younger men have more to offer for us 30's-plus ladies. They are often sweeter, more romantic, more flexible, more fun, more active, more fit and possess fewer hang-ups than men our own age. Also older men are more jaded and hang onto baggage.

    I am single right now but I hope to find love someday with a younger man. For those of you ladies that have been fortunate to find love with younger men, don't feel guilty about it, don't doubt it, don't second-guess it. Enjoy it, make the best of it and let whatever is going to unfold, unfold. We live in a society that tells us that women over 30 who are divorced and have children are unworthy of love, companionship and relationships (it's usually men in our age group who say this), while men our age and older are made to feel that they are entitled to have a smoking-hot, childless 25 year old woman on their arm (even if they are divorced with kids themselves) and we should be alone.

    I often use Tina Turner as my example. She was 45 when she went to Europe to rejuvenate her career, met a record producer 16 years her junior and he is still with her to this day. I also look at Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher.

    For those of you in relationships, be grateful for what you have and don't let anyone convince you that your relationships are wrong–most importantly, don't tell yourself that you are doing anything wrong. Be Blessed!

  • Karen

    I am a 44 year old AA female and dating a 20 y/o and we have been together for two years now. We are currently living together and it has been great!! We cannot imagine being apart from each other and he treats me so well! I am a professional female and could date collegues my age…problem is there aren’t any!!! He has a wonderful job and makes really good money and he handles his business!! This wonderful man I am with loves me for who I am and no there is nothing weird about dating a younger guy. African American females need to consider dating a younger “mature” guy as they are looking for “mature” females and not younger females who are always in their “pockets”. I don’t worry about what tomorrow will bring…I thank God for him as this has been the happiest I have ever been in a long time!!! 🙂

  • lanie

    I am 47 and am dating a 24 four year old guy. I was very nervous at first. It was something I could never imagine doing. He pursued me. I ran from him for almost a year. Ifinally gave in and said it was only for one time. Boy did I lie!
    I think it was awkward for both of us at first. I know that I felt terribly guilty but also couldn’t wait to see him again.
    We have been together for 6 months. We are going public now. He is moving in with me this week. I have a grown daughter (26) from a previous marriage and have been divorced for 18 years. I have been surprised by her reaction. She says go for it! He has never been married and has no children.
    My problem is wondering if I can survive when it is over. I know that he will one day want children, which is something I cannot give him.
    I enjoyed reading these stories today and being able to relate to others in my situation.

  • confused

    I am so glad to have found this. I am 38 and have been seeing someone 21 for almost two years. I am married and have 3 children. I never planned on having an affair, but it started out talking and friendship. We work together, and of course the rumors have been horrible. I have received threatening anonymous letters. I was scared to leave my marriage after just a few months as i was worried that I would be tying him down and later regret not living his life. I married very young. I don't want anymore children and he was ok with it, but I always worried that eventually he would hate me never having children. We have broke up several times as both thinking it is what is best but eventually back together. I think I have lost him for good now and realize how happy I was with him. We live in a small town where everybody thought I was horrible, and even my mom said it was just the sex, but it isn't. I am not the first older woman he has seen, he has been dating older women since he was 16. He's grounded and know what he wants, he is my best friend and now I've messed everything up.

  • Roka

    I am a 46 year old woman living with my 19 year old boyfriend. I say go for it ladies. Life is too short. At first when we started getting interested in each other, I paused for a moment and thought this is a losing situation for me. But after spending more time with him and falling in love and moving in together, I dont have any regrets. I decided he can give me as much happiness as a man my age and why miss out on the love he has for me, the great sex, and all the things we love in each other. We never feel our age difference, our minds meet. We can talk on any subject for hours, something I could never do with my husband of 25 years who was 6 years older than me. I have 3 adult children,am divorced now, and I am not gonna miss out on the love this young man has for me just because of his age and maybe the society is not used to it. Men have been doing it forever with much younger women and no one thinks twice about grandpa with that much younger lady, well women can do the same now. Im sorry to say but middle aged women are much more sexier now than when my mother was in her 40’s. Our sex drives as 40 somethings match perfect with the younger men. I definately am more confident in what I want in a man and what I want in bed and I think for a younger man this is a great thing to be with an experienced confident woman. I dont think you should lose out on love because of age. Anything could happen with anyone, an older man can break your heart just as easily. So I say, be with someone that u and him love each other and just enjoy the ride. No one can say how long any relationship will last. Divorce rates are high among people close in age. So for me, Im gonna keep on enjoying what I have as long as it lasts, its been great for the past 18 months. I cant imagine all I would have missed out on if I didnt go for it. He’s given me some of the best times in my life:)))

  • bonbon111

    I'm 30 and he has just turned 18,we have have known eachother for 12 months to get to know eachother because i wanted to wait until he was 18 before we even considered anything.Though we both knew the love was there and has grown stronger. I really love him,no man has ever treated me better and i've had relationships with men of all ages,including 20+ years older.I also wonder if we could get married and have more children,I know he wants that and he loves my two children.I think its if we are willing to take the leap of faith and it doesnt matter what circumstances or age differences..in the end we all have to take that leap.I have decided to not accept a proposal until he is atleast 21 and have a long engagement,but still look to the future with him xoxo and we have an amazing connection and have known eachother for alittle ova a year,which I know isnt too long but it is when you have that instant amazing connection with someone..all I know is I love him and he loves me,i am not going to focus on the unfairness of the age difference but more on how lucky i am to find such a wonderful man.And now he is 18,he is legally a man in my country and that feels more right to me..am looking forward to things to come:)

  • GrayFox

    I'm 26 and she is 45. It wasnt a love in first sight. Althought she was attractive and totally my kind of woman which i would fantasize.. It all started with me trying to help solve her family issue with her son. Her son was only 2 yrs youger than me. Both mother and son had a bad relationship, all i wanted to do was to help her understand her son more and also made her son understand the meaning of filial piety. As i come a long way to re-concide with my mum. It juz seem the need for me to help her. Somemore she a cancer patient..

    As it goes along, we developed feeling with each other. We had great sex together. It was the most amazing woman i ever had. But after being together for 2 mths. I juz cant keep myself being annoy of what other ppl were saying behind us. On the other hand, she prepared to give it a try. But it was me, who were scared and not able to move on. I tried to put a stop to it as i know i'm nt ready to handle any committment to any relationship. But due to her ill condition, i become soft hearted and decided to stay to help her. I become sympathy wif her more than i love her..

    We carried on the unofficial relationsjip for 11mths now. As i was alway de one trying to deny our relationship. But things took a turn for now. My feeling towards her changed.. It a kinda weird feeling which i cant describe.. Is it bcoz of the sex we had that bond us together? I still cant decide what my feeling toward her is for now.

    From most of the stories that i read, it the woman feeling scared of committing to the relationship. But for me, i'm the scardy cat guy who choose to run away. That made her upset and sad always..

    The time we had together was not all happy. It was more of a responsibilities for me to help her and tk care of her.. Am i wrong to feel that? But for now, it nt de case anymore? Y is tat so?? feeling puzzled……..

  • ti

    I am 31 and my boyfriend is 23, our age gap is 8 years. We started out as co-workers and then friends. We just enjoyed our time together, never gave a thought about falling in love with him nor did he with me. I even taught him which girls to pick for dates and how to date girls. Somehow, we just enjoyed hanging out together that he didn't date any other girls lol.

    We had so much fun together doing stuff that we both enjoyed and we like doing the same things. Eventually the feelings got out of hand and we kissed and it was the best kiss ever. It developed from there. We have great sex, I never had such great sex in my life. He also made it known that he adores me and I totally adore him. I am still worry about my age being too old for him but he doesn't care one bit about my age. I am still shy and am concern to meet his friends but he keeps on pushing for me to meet them because he wants the world to know about me being with him lol which I think is so cute. I do not have kids yet and he wants kids down the road. I feel like we do have a future together.

    Family and friends are skeptical but it is my life and I have not been happy for years in an uncaring and abusive relationship so I am going to appreciate him and what we have right now and will continue building and growing together with him =)

  • Mel

    I am 45 divorced and dating a 26 year old. He is financially independent and more mature than I am. I look 26, so when people see us, they don't see the age difference. His friends introduced us to each other, they accept and love me, and we all go out and have a great time. My parents, at this point, after a really bad 20 years of abusive marriage, that I had, just want me to be happy, so does my teenage son. My daughter, who is 20, gives me hell about it. She is more concerned about people next door, and who says what.

    I have the best time of my life with him. Yes, amazing sex and amazing relationship. He askes me how my day went, he gives me his advise, he is there for me all the time. He just proposed. I am not sure if I am going to accept it..that was really out of the blue, and frankly, I got scared. Yes, Iam scared that the society will not accept it. So I asked him if I could think about it. But if I do accept it, I know, we will make each other happy, and basically he is all what I want in my life right now.

    This sounds crazy, but I am glad there a few more crazy people out here, and who knows, maybe there will be more and more of us soon, and the society will stop judging women, for falling in love with younger partners, smth men did for centuries. Give us a break, we deserve to be happy.

  • sha

    I am a 46 year old women dating a 29 year old man and its been great. I just wondering how long its going to last. I enjoy all of the new sex tricks and if i could i would love to keep him but i know that in the real world i cant because later i will be to old so now im just going to enjoy the sex and party with him like its 1999

  • critterkeeper

    I am a very unhappily married 42 year old woman who has recently met a 19 year old online.
    He does not act 19, and sure as hell doesnt look it. (pictures only)
    He finds me beautiful, something i cannot see in myself.
    We have not met yet, because he lives so far away… but, I do really want to meet him.
    I am very lonely and feel a rush of excitement just by talking to him that i havent felt in years.
    He is asking me to come see him, which i very much want to do.
    However – Im scared to consumate our relationship, because he is so young i may just be a conquest, or a means to an endm, and im afraid i may become too attached.
    I feel that if i was just 15 years or so younger or he were 15 years or so older, it wouldnt be so bad.
    All i know is, he makes me feel wonderful when we speak, which i wish happened much more than it does.
    I admit that i want a deeper relationship with him, which due to my current situation, and the distance is all but impossible.
    what should i do?

  • Mimi

    I am 38 years old, and met this sexy, good looking guy,which is 29 years old. We have a good time, we do not talk about the future or kids. I have a 16 year old son and he has no kids, eventually down the road of his life he is going to want a child, but I certainly don't. Our sexual relationship is so fullof energy. We live the moment to the fullest when we are together. Now I am starting to liek him more, but just to know that this thing we have going will end, makes me want to never see him again as of today, just so I will not feel any pain later on.

    Can someone please tell me what can I do or maybe not do. This experience has been great so far. Hehas so much respect for me , and thinks I am the best thing that has ever happened to him.

  • Ann

    AFter reading these posts, I realize even more how unusual my situation is. I am 52 and my lover is 20. We felt drawn to each other from the moment we met. At first I thought it would just be friendship, but the attraction wasn't like anything I'd ever felt before, and even though I tried to so hard to fight it, I was not successful. We have been together for 6 months and I don't know what the future holds, but I can't bear the thought of my life without him. I keep asking myself "what does it say about me as a person that I LOVE someone so deeply, who is SO much younger than myself." I feel so many conflicting emotions, including a lot of guilt. I am married, although my marriage has been in serious peril since long before this started. I read what someone else wrote that is so true of us, when we are together we do not feel the age difference at all. He is very idealistic and believes we can have a future, I am not, although I do think about us taking it further and living together for as long as it is right for the both of us. For me, I know that this is about a whole lot more than just sex (which is amazing), and it is easier for me to clarify that because of the phase of life that I am in. I also believe though, that it is much more emotional for him as well, he started having sex at a very young age and has had many partners, a couple of them older as well. I don't know, i wrestle with this every day of my life and all I know is that I love him and he loves me. I fear the emotional pain that this relationship has the ability to provide for both of us, but not enough to say goodbye……I just love him.

  • Oh My God

    I'm a 28 year old woman and I'm totally in love with a 16 year old boy… he's GORGEOUS, smart, funny, and mature… and I know he feels the same way about me, it hurts that we can't be together… everyone has noticed it, oh man it's so awkward at work… what do I do … I can't help the way I feel…

    Actually in the state I live in, it's legal for me to date him…

  • Lovesyoungerman

    Cristiain and SG…

    So encouraged to hear your feelings. I'm the older woman in a similar situation, and just hope that after weeks of pushing away my younger man, it's not too late. Incouldn't believe age couldn't be an issue. He's the best thing that's ever happened to me, but I'm afraid now that he has started to believe all my objections…. Just when I'm letting my guard down.

    LYM

  • Michelle

    I am a 41 yr old woman who now lives with my 27 yr old boyfriend. I have never been happier in my life! We started out being friends because his older brother dated my best friend (who is also older than him by 7 yrs). We had a "family" gathering at their house and as the night was wearing down, we actually acted on a mutual attraction and he came home with me. I can only say that it was one of the best nights of my life. We took things slow after that because his other older brother had had a crush on me for some time and always made it known when we were around one another. However, the youngest brother, stole my heart. After taking it "slow" for some time, we started spending more and more time together and fell madly in love. I have 3 kids, age 4, 7 and 19 who admire him greatly as well. He doesn't have any of his own, but he would like to have at least one. We have now lived together for over a year and I can't express enough the love we have for one another. His family was more disturbed by our age difference and "my baggage" than mine was. My family thinks he is great! His parents are receptive of me but I think they still wish he would move on and find someone younger to settle down with, but that is simply not going to happen. I still get a lot of grief from one of his brothers which I think is more jeolously than anything because he is still single. All I can say is love doesn't recognize age. We could spend ever waking moment together and never get tired of one another. It is trust, mutual respect, committment and honest love that keeps us together. We have mentioned marriage and neither of us have dismissed the idea. Sometimes I feel like I am cheating him out of having a "normal" life, but then he always says the right thing to make me discard those feelings. When we go out together people don't realize that there is that much of an age difference between us. Even my closest friends talk about how mature he is for his age. So the bottom line is I don't really care what anybody else says and I am not dwelling on what happens 10 years from now. I am appreciating this love and the relationship we have in the here and now and it is amazing! I do hope we spend the rest of our lives together but no one is ever guaranteed tomorrow so I am living for today! I would say the same thing to all of you other older woman or younger men. If you are happy, doesn't matter what anyone else thinks!

  • Monica

    SG, I am a 43 yr old woman dating a 19 yr old guy. I thought I was insane for doing it but I just try to enjoy it every day. It will most likely not last but I can't stop seeing him because I like the person he is too much. You only live once, if you have strong feelings for this woman I say enjoy it! Try not to think too far ahead, it will either fizzzle out on its own or it could last as long as any other relationship could last.

  • SG

    It's nice to read some of these stories and know that other people are in a similar situation. I am a 25 year old man who is dating a 50 year old woman. I have been attracted to this woman for a long long time and it's amazing to finally be with her. Am I stupid for thinking that this relationship has a future together? Problem is I love being with her too much to think about the potential negatives.

  • Cristian

    I am frustrated. I am 34 and met a woman the is 48. We started out going places together to have eachother as company and checking out other people. She was always trying to pick up girls for me, my age. But as time went on I realized that I liked everything about her. I didn't realize how much I liked her until one night at a bar a man who was very interested in her, would not leave. Something came over me and I literally pulled him away, grabbed her and walked out of the place. Later on, on a daily basis, I told her what I was feeling. She didn't even know. She thought it was brotherly love. She has a way with family, people and life that made me gravitate towards her. One day she bought some cake and I started eating out of her bowl and it was so natural. She did not say anything, like it was something that should be. I got a cut on my hand and she patched me up but in such a way that I would gladly cut my hand again just to have her bandage it up with her soft caring hands. Long story short… We got to the point that we made love and it was totally amazing. Never have I met a person that was so like me in every way. I have a girlfriend that I have kids with. She is close to getting a divorce but it was coming before she met me. Those are not the issues… It's the age. She tells me I have my whole life ahead of me and I feel I have met my soul mate. I wake up thinking about her, go to sleep thinking about her, I vision our life with her kids and mine. I am scared of loosing her and don't know what to tell her to keep hanging on. The holidays are coming and I dread not being with her. Dread her being with the other person. We are in different states right now and I am dying, not being near her. She says she is also sad but from somewhere, the age thing comes up and I am back to square one. I feel like I was cheated for being born too late. I feel like I just want to go and steal her and have all hell break loose. She is beautiful, vibrant, enchanting and has a sweet soul. She is like a magnet with people, they just like to be around her because of the way she is. I hope that we will be blessed, that she will be mine, someday.

  • Jenny,

    I totally agree, my new hubby is 25, an I am 36. @ first I was leary because, I have dated younger guys that were sooo immature like one or two the younger guy thing is new to me. But my hubby an I married six months after dating each other. I have three children that adore him, he has three children that he adore. ( Mine! He dount have any of his own. But turned out he is a very good provider, we can have adult conversation, an he loves the fact that he has a woman who can keep up, if u know what I mean! Don't sleep on these younger men ladies, sex is great of course but all a lot of them want is a responsible caring woman to give them something to live for. Something some of them are not getting from younger women. GOOD LUCK!!!!

  • Jody

    I'm a 52 yr old woman and my partner is 37. We've been together a year now. We are both previously married and divorced – he for 5 years and I for 29. I have two grown children and he has never had any and doesn't want any.

    We met at a time when our relationships had recently ended and we instantly had chemistry. We could spend 24/7 together and never tire of it – thank goodness we each work full time or we probably wouldn't get any down time.

    Although he is 15 years younger, here is what I think we like about each other.

    What I like about him: spontaneity, wicked sense of humour, energetic, likes to try new things, is very affectionate, appreciates the importance of saying 'I love you' every day. He also loves to shop with me. What a dream.

    My qualities (according to him): he says I'm confident and experienced but not overbearing, he thinks I'm sexy and loves what I wear and often says so. I exercise regularly and we often go to the gym together.

    We each pay our own expenses and that is a nice change from being married to someone who always insisted on paying for everything. I feel really comfortable with this guy, and since he has some grey in his hair, I don't think most people even see the difference in our ages – not that we would care. We have a really happy life together. Yes, younger women look at him, but then, guys look at me too! What makes it work? Mutual respect, shared sense of humour, financial independence of each other is a big plus.

  • Mia

    It helps me to know that there are so many others in my situation. I’m 45 and was dating a guy who is 23. I was very hesitant about starting a relationship but gave in to him. When we were together, we saw no age difference. We loved each other but recently he realized that he wants a family, something I can’t give him. But in btw, he kept secrets from about talking to girl “friends” and it going out with friends. It became bad at the end. In the last 2mths, we saw each other twice and it was like we never left each other. I love him more than ever. I ended up staying with him a couple days ago and I asked the question of whether he saw us ever being together. He said he didn’t know – he said its better when we keep it where we just txt and see each other from time to time because when we’re together we fight. he says he loves me and can’t let me go right now. I started crying and have been for 3 days now. I told him that I can’t be here for him until he finds what he wants because I love him and it keeps me from moving on. I told him not to contact me and to let go so that we can both live our lifes. Did I make a mistake? I miss him so much.

  • Lindsey

    I am a very very successful woman aged 36 who met a guy at a bar a little while ago. I saw him before we started talking and I felt like it was love at first site.

    Two years ago I had ended my relationship with my fiance because of personality differences and not feeling ready to settle down. At this point in my life I do feel ready to meet and get serious with someone.

    When this guy (mark) at the bar approached me I was overwhelmed with how goodlooking and charming he was. For the first time in my life I asked him to come back to my home. It was the best experience of my life. The chemistry was out of this world. He told me the following day that it was the best night of his life. We soon met up again and the same thing happened. Again out of this world.

    I found out that he is a 23 year old athlete. He lives in a different city and we have been in contact almost daily since he left. He is coming to visit me for the weekend in a couple of weeks.

    Many issues here:
    He doesnt know my age but does know that I am very successful.
    He is an athlete and is being pursued by many young females.
    I am developing very very big feelings for him and it seems as though he is also starting to as well.
    I eventually do want to settle down with a man and have a family.
    Should I RUN not walk from this fatal attraction!
    Is it possible it could go anywhere?
    I do not remember feeling this way about anyone before. Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

  • Lindsey

    ooops I mean.. I wish I was 10 years younger rather than meeting 10 years ago, haha

  • Lindsey

    Thank you for the reply! I do appreciate it. I would never refer to myself out loud as "very very successful" but wanted to communicate to you where I was in my life with regard to finances and career. I never told him, but I am assuming he knows given that he has slept at my home.

    I guess you are right that 13 years is a very big difference and unlikely to go the full course. Gosh, I wish we had met 10 years ago…he does seem to have all of the qualities I am looking for in a man.

    I do find it interesting as well he has never asked me my age. I would love to hear from other women that have made it work with someone with this much of an age difference.

    Thank you

  • practicalhappiness.c

    Hello. This is a very individual decision. You might want to enjoy what you have while you have it without looking forward too much unless you believe that being around him and falling in love with eventually really hurt you. Your concerns are valid, but the question is whether it's fair to yourself to simply wait around for that special someone. I would not want to encourage you to do something selfish or unethical, but perhaps having fun while looking to meet someone with whom you can have a more "serious" relationship is a good idea…. After all, things can go sour and end with a man of any age, so trying to predict the future with this particular guy is pointless. This one is not very likely to work because of this serious age difference issue, but you never know – there are cases where people with this kind of age difference end up together. I am sure that one reason he likes being with you and not with all those other many young women that go after him is what you, as a mature woman, bring to the table. But will it last? Only time will show…

    I would be careful calling yourself "very, very successful too" as this might make him or any other intuitive and perceptive guy roll his eyes so to speak. You can imagine how this can be construed as sign of insecurity. I doubt that even Oprah Winfrey, Martha Steward, Sarina Williams and alike refer to themselves that way. I doubt that it matters to a 23 year old guy who is into sports, school, etc…

  • E

    Hi, my name is E and I have been dating much younger men (19-20 years+) since January 2010. I sort of fell into it really. I'd been onling dating without much success (anything lasting) for 17 months. Done lots of dating 'cause I'm considered beautiful with a killer bod. Had plastic surgery, etc….But get this, I'm 57. 57. But on a good day look about 45 I guess, sometimes younger some have said.

    Flash back 17 months: I got into dating somewhat younger guys, all somewhat long distance (50-80 miles usually, I live in a small town) younger Boomers immediately 'cause I found guys my age kinda old looking, tired. I have been an athlete all my life so I move very well, quickly. Do it all: yoga, tennis, power walking, biking, weight lifting. But what I found with these somewhat younger guys (nearly all 50 or thereabouts) was nearly all would kid me about my age at some point. Briefly, but it stung given my generation (we were told we were washed up at 40, etc.) Well, it hurt. One guy was only 3 years younger but when I broke up with him, he called me "an old woman". I said "Dan, if I am an old woman you are old too 'cause you're only 3 years younger dear". God, it felt GOOD to say that. He spewed verbal abuse actually, while I behaved like a lady. So I said to myself "I'm dating much younger now".

    The older guys also seem more adept at manipulating women, at playing head games, and I am so weary of that. Bitter about their ex-wives and on and on. Won't go there anymore. Just refuse to.

    What I'm finding with much younger guys is they show respect, are in awe of me I think, still find me beautiful (it's not all about sex as we become friends ultimately whether we stay together or not- 3 relationships so far), think I'm cool given my travel, education, wit, etc. I love it. And the sex is wonderful of course. I take bioidentical hormones so I have the sex drive of a 40 year old probably, more. Younger men + older woman = a match made in heaven imo in many ways!

    The only downside is they lack depth and life experience but hey, you can't have everything! One guy in particular, the one I had the strongest soft spot for really, told me there was no future with me (24 yrs. younger though he had no exact idea how much younger he was 'cause he had forgotten my age!), which I accepted as reasonable, but today we are friends and I advise him by email mostly about women his age, his life, his art, etc (I was an art major in college). I love it.

    I've TRIED to just find a guy maybe 7-10 years older but can't seem to find anyone. Match.com, eHarmony, plentyoffish, etc. -….It's frustrating. My current boytoy is young enough to be my son!!!!, but we accept it for what it is, for as long as it lasts, we want to just enjoy it. He is more mature than his years and has always loved older women….He says he wants a relationship so I hope he is on the level 'cause I am sick and tired of dating and just long for something ongoing, steady, even if long distance. I.e., don't care how old he is, just that he have a good heart, good intentions, that we click and enjoy one another. Have a good day everyone.

  • Ms Island

    I am a recently divorced 28 year old woman. My guy is 23 and from the Virgin Islands.. When he first approached me, which is at our college, I thought he was at least 25 and he thought I was his age.. We both are working on our masters. He is very handsome, intelligent, and hot, all the things that I look for in a man. He even knows how to cook. Our sexual relationship is explosive.. The problem is I have a 10 year old and while everything is going great, I can't see it working long-term because I don't think he could handle it.. I really like the guy but I can't stop thinking that he was only 13 when my son was born…What should i do? I'm also afraid of what his parents would think. I keep thinking that she's going to tell me off like that young Jamaican guys Mom on " How Stella Got Her Groove Back"..

  • Cie

    Grant- go fight for her!! It very well may be on her mind so regardless if you feel the way say… Don't give up! She may need to be reassured by hearing from you that your love is real & you'll stick with her. I find vulnerability in a man sexy… Go get your lady & tell her why she is & will continue to be! Good luck

  • Jenny

    My boyfriend of 10 months is 10 years younger. I met him a year before we started seriously dating and am thankful for having that time to get to know him and gain a level of comfort.

    I have two children 8 and 13, am divorced and seem to be starting my life over with baggage. He has no kids, has never been married and he too is starting his life, but for the first time and without baggage.

    With that said, we’re a perfect match. We’re in the same place in life and looking for the same things — we just grew up with different cartoons. 🙂

    I am frustrated by the term cougar and the focus on the sexual realtionship between older women and younger men. Beyond the amazing sex (hehe, yes I had to brag), he gives me tremendous comfort and strength. We have shared goals and a focus on kindness in our relationship.

    We talk about marriage and kids. 35 is not old! And 25 is an age where many men are beginning to consider a more grounded life.

    If you are considering dating with an age gap, I hope you will not limit it to purely sexual. I would bet there is an opportunity for so much more.

  • Grant

    I am a 31 year old man, I met a women who was 9 years older than.

    She was everything I wanted in a women, she ticked all of the boxes, I thought she was perfect. We met at a friends party, and things eventually progressed from there.

    Our relationship lasted about 4 months, we even went away together on a holiday.

    She even told me that she was 40 and wanted to know how I felt about the age gap. I replied if two people loved each other then the age gap does not matter, I think she was ok with my feelings toward the subject.

    For the first time in my life I was wanted to settle down with someone like her, eventhough she had a daughter and didn't want anymore children.

    I decided long ago I didn't want children and because she had a daughter, I was prepared to become a step Dad.

    I was ready to settle down and let the love grow, but unfortunately it didn't.

    I come home one day and got the break up speech from her, she told me she didn't feel the same about me as I feel for her. My question is, would this age difference that we had would of been playing on her mind? or was she really genuine with her reasons for her decision? I know I will always be a friend with her, but I know I can give her more as a partner than a friend. I feel a real connection with her.

  • Al

    Ive just turned 40 and he is 27…. we both underestimated each others age, he thought i was 35 and i thought he was 33, bu we get along well . Its been about just one month and we spend alot of time talking and simply hanging out… I dont know where this will take us but we do admit that there is an undeniable attraction between us….. I have some reservations but im at the stage in my life where i im independent, healthy, confident and a single parent with a 12 and 5 year old…. He is unattached, hardworking and ambitious …. Im looking forward to happy times with him….

  • monica

    I’m 46 years old and got attracted to a 26 year old man. we are at different levels in our lives, but there is no easy answer to why it happens. As the saying goes don’t judge anyone by whom they fall for. love is blind for sure. he is confused, so am even though we know the rules. So you guys enjoy the moment and don’t look back

  • Jon

    I have read most of the posts here and have a situation that I didn't come across here. I am 44 and she is 51, so 7 years age difference. We started dating a little over 2 years ago. I had never dated an older woman and she had never dated a younger man. We started off slow but then fell for eachother. She is the most wonderful woman I have ever met in my life. We have gotten along perfectly since the get go. At first I thought the age difference might be an issue, but that never materialized. What did materialize was she has one son who is 25 and living on his own and I have a 12 year old daughter and a 9 year old son. She has always been wonderful to my children and they adore her. We have talked a lot of times about us spending the rest of our lives together, but it always comes back to the fact that she is done raising kids. My kids live with their mother and I have them on weekends, so it's not like they would be living with us full time. We are at two different stages in our life, she's already raised her son, and I'm still raising mine. Also, the first and only time she met my ex-wife, which was after my father's funeral, my ex took the opportunity to spew her venom about me. This just re-inforced what I had told her my ex was like, so that wasn't the problem. I think she feels that if we live together and I am still raising my children, that means she will have to continually deal with my ex and doesn't need that in her life. We have been broken up for a little over a month because I finally said" if this isnt going anywhere than what are we doing?" I am just having a hard time understanding why I have met the most wonderful woman, but she has the sticking point with my kids. If my kids were older I think we would be together, but we're not and I'm saddened by that.

  • Melissa

    Hi

    I'm glad i can find articles that i can relate to… about 3 months ago i broke with my ex , we were together for 3 1/2 years..he is 34 and i just turned 31..to make a long story short he was going through peter pan syndrome… he didnt beleive in marriage but did want to have children. i always wanted to get married but i started to agree with him that it wasnt a big deal but towards the end i got tired of his sydrome and told him what i wanted was to be serious , get married etc, he is so set in his ways that he didnt change his mind about love and marriage.. so anyway we brake up and very quickly (2 weeks after) i got involved with my trainer who is just turned 23 yrs old today..

    when i first met him (during my relationship with my ex) i thought he was hot but i didnt think twice because of his age but after the breakup i wanted to go out oneday , i guess i needed a shoulder to cry on , and i asked him.. we ended up hanging out and forget it from that day it was like love at first site.. i got to see a differant side of him that i couldnt imagine.. he wanted so many things my ex did not want and was so affectionate.. to make this part of the story short this lasted 3 months.. i saw him almost everyday and we were already expressing our love for eachother… during this time my ex was begging me back and even proposed (i said no becasue i was so distracted my the young guy) my ex wanted to give me everything i always wanted… so for 3 months i gave hm the cold shoulder.. so during my relationship with the young guy i started to realize alot of things that were just not right.. he seemed mature on some levels but on others i just couldnt deal with.. first of all he didn't have a steady job not even close . he couldnt even take me out to dinner… basically i felt like i was so on top of him to send his resume out etc… also i felt like he couldnt socialize with my friends… maybe him not having an income made him feel insecure, who knows… all i know is even though i say i love him and i do care for him i started to feel unhappy and started to think about my ex and how much i appreciated him..now its 3 months later and about a week ago i decided that i had to leave the young guy (which was my 2nd attempt) no matter how much i loved him i felt like he needed to grow and mature on his own and he was not ready for a relationship with ME.. he is so heart broken and i feel bad but i think this was the best decision i can make.. so i decided to give my ex a shot.. i still love him and want to work things out with him but i am having a hard time get the young guy out of my head especially when he is writing me letters saying that we belong together…

    this is making it hard for me to rekindle the love i once had for my ex (intimiatly)… i decided to take things slow to see if he really wants to be the man i always wanted.. all he talks about is getting married and our future together…

    so my question is did i do the right thing??? my main problem was , he didnt have a job, he was very insecure (and alot had to do with his steroid use i beleive ),he had a hard time socializing which made me very anti-social.. those are a few things..i just the only thing he offered that was possitive for me was affection 🙁

    please give me some feedback thanks

  • Nikky

    Dear SingleExpatWoman,

    First of all, I think that it is GREAT that you took a personal interest in relocating to Asia to start anew, found the job you love, and are taking good care of yourself. You look and feel young and others are noticing it. And most of all the younger men are noticing you as an actrative woman first and not paying too much attention to the age aspect at first anyway or if they are at all. I guess my comment would be to consider that these men are in their twenties and have not experience what you have experienced in your thirties. So in other words, where ever they are in their lives, they are not quite there yet as they would be in their thirties. But let's keep one thing in mind, that not all the time the age determines maturity, its the character of the person. So a man in his 40's could be the most childish man you would ever meet. Pay no attention to what your friends say. You could very well find mr. right for you in a ripe old 25 year old than a male in his 40's. And you are right, never consider yourself a cougar! I personally, hate it when my girlfriends make snide remarks like that when I hang around twenty something year olds. And like you, THEY approved me.

    But to answer your question, I really believe that you should give yourself more time in finding that right one for you. Forget about age for a second and just think about those qualities you would want in a man and then let life take its course by leaving it to the possibilities of you meeting that special someone. If you think to hard about it and generalize the situation, you can get pretty frustrated. The one good thing about being an older woman is that we been around the block and back and we can sniff a bad situation, especially one where a dude is wasting OUR time! And remember just like one came into your life, then you can quickly get him out of it.

    Last, not all people are them same. There are some serious younger men out there looking for a level headed fun and energetic person like you…it's just that you have not met him yet!

  • Matija

    I also think it has a lot to do with the fact that women peak sexually around 35 while men peak around 18 years of age. That is a fascinating phenomena and I can't figure out why that is the way it is. It doesn't have any procreative purpose… anyway I think that a lot more women should try dating younger guys, they have a lot to offer and I my self have dated women who were 15+ years older then me. Relationships I had with older women were so much more fulfilling then with girls the same age as I. So, yeah, I’m all for it

  • lauren

    Hi,

    Really like this post, I have recently turned 40, am divorced and have older children and the last 5 years have chosen to stay single, However I recently met a guy who is 21 years younger than me whilst away on business and we spent a wonderful week together, He was smart, hot and well educated and had a lots of younger girls around him when we met. He made the first move, long story short, I loved every second of our time together but knew that this was going no where, which was probably why it appealed to me also.

    Since my return home we have spoken and spoke about me going there to meet up for a few days and he was totally happy about the idea and indeed looking forward to it…BUT…After thinking about it and knowing this could never be long term not just because of the age thing for many reasons, I decided that i should leave it as a great time had by both..a memory to always look back on fondly..Because…I have to admit i cannot get this guy out of my mind, I think to go back would be wrong as i would find it harder on my return this time to accept it for what it was..a fun fling with a younger guy…I have to try to be open to looking for someone who I can have a LTR With which i find hard to do usually as I feel I have commitment issues,

    So i emailed saying all this in a friendly non stalkerish way and felt sad in doing it but also feel relief. Now I can have a happy memory of our week instead of months worth of anguish about what if’s…Feel sad but have given myself a pass to be real…

  • lele

    glad to have found people who are going throught the same type of relationship as i am, i am dating a 25 year old and i am 33,we've been together for 9 months just before gone through a divorce that has been quiet painful i think this is the best thing that ever happend to me, however it is difficult to ignore that we are both in different periods of our lives, and that unfortunately my biological clock is starting to tick; we don't really know how to handle this and i feel very confuse, I know this days women can have children quiet late but this seems to scare him and has put huge pressure on our relationship, I have try to reassure him that I don't want children for years but I don't know what to do. I think that something that "might" be a problem in a few years should not be a cause of splitting up, but is difficult to try and live such an intense relationship in a day to day base.

    by the way he is also jewish which means no support from his family at all.

    I am very confused , if anyone out there can give me some good advice i will be very thankful as I have thought of everything and have been feeling down and confuse because of this .

  • SingleExpatWoman

    Help!
    I’m hoping for some advice from some of the younger men on this site, but also, the women my age. My situation may be a little unique because of my geographical location and the challenges of living as a single expatriate woman in an Asian country. So, I hope SOMEONE can relate.
    I’m a 39 year old American woman and I moved to the Far East just over a year ago. I am recently divorced and came here to get away from the pain and drama after my marriage ended and to start over. Also, to benefit my career. For a long time I was still in love with my ex and wishing I could go back. Now I realize that I don’t want to go back and that he & I are too different to go back to each other. I cannot imaging living in the U.S. again after experiencing the life that I have now and all the travel I have the opportunity to do. Being in an environment where most of my peers are like minded is very satisfying for me and I LOVE my job. This is the life I have always wanted, but somehow never had the guts to go out and get for myself until now, and I wouldn’t change my decision for anything in the world, even if it means being solo for a while.
    Even though I am in my late 30’s, I don’t look it. Most people peg me at 32ish, some have even said 28. The pool of single expatriate men here my age is very small. The ones my age are married, or I am simply not interested in them, or them me. Many of them are too busy chasing the young Asian girls who are so desperately trying to snare a causasian guy with money to take care of them. I don’t relate to Asian men and so I have zero interest in them. The cultural differences are just too vast to overcome and I am just not attracted to most of them.
    That leaves alot of young twentysomething, and even early thirties, men who are my peers. MANY of them pursue me. I am still very attractive and I take very good care of myself. I am strong and independent and they seem to be drawn to that. My friends are all ages and I have a very carefree and adventurous perspective on life that I think makes people think I am younger as well. Many times I accept dates from some of these young guys thinking maybe they are not so young because here they are all worldy, well-traveled and ambitious, very different from most guys their age in the U.S. But once we start talking and age comes up, I am always disappointed, once again, that they are so much younger than me. The funny thing is that they don’t seem younger, as I said, they are more experienced than American boys back home.
    So now when I look into my future, I see myself with someone a bit younger than me. My girlfriends are all in awe of how many dates I get asked out on, especially by so many young, good-looking men. But their perspective is that they think I should be with an older man and that young men are playthings. This is not MY perspective at all!
    The problem is two-fold. One is that many of them want families, but I don’t think they think that I would be open to it. I think they assume that I don’t want to and since the relationships rarely ever go far enough to have that discussion, I think they assume and move on. I am open to that if I find someone I truly love. So far, I’ve never had any kids and it’s never been a priority, but if I fell in love with someone, I would be open to it. One of the guys I recently dated mentioned adopting, something I’ve always felt an interest in doing anyway. I am not looking for a replacement husband, I could be with someone without that as long as it was a committed relationship. But again, if the guy I fell for wanted to, I would walk down the aisle again.
    So, lately I have just avoided the age question all together. One of the reasons is that I don’t like being viewed as a conquest. I feel like maybe some of them see me that way. You know, “younger man gets to have fun with an older experienced woman” kind of thing. But I don’t see myself as a “cougar” and I’m not looking for a “boy toy”. I’m just a woman, who knows what she wants and doesn’t want. I’m not chasing after young guys. THEY pursue ME. I see men of any age as individuals, just like I do any of my friends. But perhaps they don’t see it that way. But when I break it down and ask myself why the ones I usually like are younger I realize that it is because they are like me. Fun-loving and energetic, unlike most of the men my age, and that appeals to me. I like an active lifestyle and stimultation or I get bored. SO, I suppose my second problem is that I don’t understand what they want, or how to date them. I try to just be myself, but at the same time, I try to be reserved and not expect too much. By the end of the date, they seem to be completely smitten and intrigued by me, but after a few more dates, sometimes I sleep with them, but many times I do not, they vanish. It’s almost as if they are intimidated by me and I’m not sure how to handle it.
    So, I’m wondering, is age the issue for them? Or it just that I haven’t found the right guy yet? I don’t care what age he is when I find him, young or old, I just don’t want to waste my time on these younger guys if they are just playing games and looking for a certain notch in their bedpost. And I don’t know if where I’m living and the lifestyle of this environment and its impact on my peers, has anything to do with it. I need the perspective of a young man here and/or of a woman who’s been there…help!

  • Nikky

    To Bunny 7081,

    First of to end a relationship is never easy…and in some cases it is not meant to be. You will go through a period of mourning (so to speak) because what you did share is now over and that void cannot be immediately replaced. It may not mean much to you now but time does heal all wounds. Just take it one day at a time and pretty soon as the weeks go by your heart will heal.

    I will say this – don’t let this bad experience follow you throughout life and bleed into your next relationship. Because when and notice I didn’t say if, the right one comes along all the pain that you are going through now will not even matter.

    Hang in there…..I know that sounds pretty cliche but all I’m saying is stay strong.

  • Bunny7081

    It's very relieving to read other people going through a similar episode in their life: I'm 29 soon to be 30..I've seen someone older since last Aug 2009. ( 40 now 39 when we met) She had recently dropped from a divorce in a marriage of 5years and I 2years prior from a relationship that lasted 8. It was just timed right. We needed each other. Passion on jet fuel. We just fed on each others needs emotionally physically and mentally. It was just heavy and deep. We slept every night together till may. Made love several times a day with a worry in the world. Then she left to work in another state and the lights just seemed to have gone off. I got into a situation where I slept in my car..felt a distance. I confronted her about it and she sorta fumbled with several reasons like being afraid of getting hurt …scared of those emotions. We rejoined. For weeks to come I kept feeling her push away further and further. I really needed someone mentally there while going through the living situation. I just felt emotionally used and discarded. She ended sleeping with someone her own age while she was away…now its just a messed up situation. I feel I gave my whole self to this person when she really needed me but didn't feel the same support when I needed her…I can't lie..I went nuts this summer. I said some really nasty things she claimed have pushed her away…but I just feel used absorbed and discarded. Weve spoken since she's been back..the Passion is still there when we kiss. But she's made it clear the relationship is over. We can still be in each others lives…I'm in Spain now trying get my mind and spirit together…I care for her so much. Just broken…help?

  • KindredSpirit

    Great article.

    I find myself in a similar situation. I'm a 37 years old male — college educated, and established both personally and professionally. I have no children, and am not interested in having children. I've had a good professional relationship with a client of mine who is 51 years old. She has been divorced for some time, and has 2 grown children who are independent. We recently exchanged phone numbers have have gone to lunch on a few occassions. We talk for hours every evening on the phone and have so much in common! I feel physically attracted, but even more importantly, spiritually attracted to her. She is a beautiful human being. She constantly tells me how special I am and that we're going to be "really good friends", and that the woman that marries me is going to be so lucky. She says that if she were 20 years youngers, she'd be the first in line for me. She says she's always dated older men, and she is reluctant to date younger men because men grow old gracefully and women become unattractive with age. I try to reassure her, but I feel like she isn't giving me, or us, a chance. For now, I've decided not to pressure her, and to enjoy our time together as friends. I can understand if I were 18 years old and wanted to party and she were 32 years old and wanted to establish a family, that things wouldn't work out because we would be in two completely different places in our lives. But, if we have so much in common, and have the same goals (to travel) and interests, I just don't see how a 14 year difference should matter. I feel like we are two kindred spirits — and, kindred spirits are ageless! What should I do?

  • John

    Hi everyone, i am 28 old guy in relationship with 56 years old woman, we are together for more than 10 months and its perfect, we never had even 1 single problem, argue or misunderstanding, i know that nothing is perfect but perfect is something that doesn’t have any mistakes, and our relationship is like that for now. I don’t see problem in big age gap, i don’t look at her as older, we are same, we look at us that way, only problem i see is that i am not really sure how i will feel when i meet in person her son who is 1 year younger than me and her daughter who is 2 years older than me, i am not sure will they accept me.
    It sounds little odd, but as i can see all of you have similar experience, not this big gap put its practicaly same.
    I’m not looking for advice, just for opinion, none should ask for advice, you run your life by yourself and only you know what is best for you.
    Will it work out?, Yes it will as long you and your partner are determined to go to the end, nobody can decide for you.
    Greetings to everyone

  • Nikky

    I was doing a search and really trying to get some advice or better yet read about other older women dating younger men and found this site. There is a ton of information on here and makes me feel a little bit more confident that I am NOT crazy for being attracted to a younger man. My situation is still in its crush stage. I am an african amercian woman who has been stung by the love bug of an caucasian male who is in his mid twenties. It is at work and which makes this situation a bit difficult for me to even pursue. I like to do my 8 hours and get out of the workplace if you know what I mean. I think one time he caught me staring at him but I was so taken by his appearance. At times I feel silly, being 36 looking at this kid and wonder if he even knows how old I am. But truth be told, we don't even know each other and I am sure I am probably the last thing on his mind. But I do think that he notices me noticing him type deal. I have not told one soul that I like this gentleman because I'm a bit shy. And I would be hurt if he said that he was not into black women.

    For now all it is, is nothing but a crush but I just wish he was mine!

  • Rozzie

    I am a 42 year old woman in a relationship with a 26 year old man. We have been together 18months now. Its had its ups and downs. He has 2 kids and would like to have one with me through IVF is possible, but if not he is happy with me and his other 2 kids. We are totally in love with each other. Our age gap to date hasnt caused us any problems. His mom likes me, my mom loves him. When we are out, we dont get any stares, or maybe we just don't notice. I look much younger, probably early 30s, and he looks much older. I find that I am a little jealous when he wants to hang out with his friends and not me. But i gotta give him his space. I am married, but seperated from my husband, and he wants me to get a divorce, so that we can get married. I am scared to death of walking away from my life into this twilight zone and starting over. Should I trust and believe and follow my heart. I feel I can be completely in love with this man. He is my everything, and satisfies me in every way. I deserve it for the second half of my life. don't I??? Will this work?? Can it work??

  • monkeygirl

    hi everyone here,

    i'm so glad to stumble onto this article as i'm a 34 yr old dating a man that's 26 for the last 9 months. often we both refer to him as my boy toy – that seems to make him happy and the fact that we are years apart, with me being the older, seems to thrill him beyond his mind – if nothing else then the fact that it's different. he had previously only dated 2 girls seriously and even then they were relationships that lasted no longer than 6 months. i'm sorta honored and overwhelmed that i'm someone's 3rd relationship partner as all my exes had many multiple exes.

    it is so true that we had the 'let's keep it casual' talk at the very beginning and then very quickly it turned into something very close and intimate and special. and now after much discussion, we're going to move in together and perhaps try to build on us.

    honestly, it doesn't matter how much younger our men are than us, as long as we're happy in our situation it really doesn't matter who and what. i started my relatipnship life dating a MUCH older man, then subsequently after that, i've started dating them younger and younger. i found the ones that are younger to be much more attentive, have more to offer, won't cheat or play games as they are trying to please you and don't want to screw up, or they try their hardest not to screw up. this i find very sweet, the very fact that they are TRYING is very honest and sweet.

    also as long as there's communication between a couple, there's nothing they cannot work out. my boy and i have a strong communication relationship, and whatever i don't tell him, he can seem to SENSE what i'm thinking or what i'm feeling (even when we're not in the same place together) and then i would get a call from him asking me 'what's wrong'. so to me, that's very very special and comforting.

    so GOOD ON US – we older sophisticated and gorgeous women that love our 'boys' 😉 for finding our happiness at last, as long as it feels right, dont question it too much otherwise we could ruin the best thing to ever happen to us. 🙂

  • star

    hi everybody,

    well first of all shy girl i have to say is thank you for sharing the story with us …in my opinion i think that if you feel ok with the relationship you should continue on with it i think he will have a change of heart …

    i have read each and evry one of the storys that are on here and all thow iam alot younger then alot of you guys i to em in a relationship that i am the older one iam 23 and he just turned 21 but he is much more mature then other guys i have gone out with i have 2 children and he also has 2 children. the thing is iam also confused like what if he is just in a stage i feel i have to think for my kids first i just dont know what to do ppl plz help???

  • mara

    Hey,i'm 33 and my boyfriend with whom i live with is 27. We are in love and have lots of fun together.. But, his ex always refers to me,as his old girlfriend… It makes me laugh cause she is 24 and i an smell her insecurity from miles way… I,feel that as long as everyone is happy in the relationship nothing else should matter..:)

  • ShyGirl

    I am 38 years old and my boyfriend is 25 years old. I'm separated and will be divorced in a few months. I have 2 kids, ages 6 and 7. My boyfriend is a VERY responsible (and ridiculously hot lol) 25 year old guy, well-educated, with an excellent job. We have almost all of the same interests but enough of a difference where it is interesting. We have a great relationship emotionally, intellectually and of course, physically. He would be my dream guy if he were only 10 years older. He looks about 30 and, without sounding full of myself, I look about 30 as well – we don't get a lot of looks and comments about our age. Most of the guys I've dated since my separation have been younger than me between 20 and 34. I had, by sheer coincidence, dated one of his high school friends and we had an excellent relationship until he realized that we were "digging ourselves into a hole that was getting harder to get out of" and that we were at different stages in our lives.

    I explained all of that to my current boyfriend and suggested that we remain "friends with benefits". But my current boyfriend assured me repeatedly when we first started dating that he did not want to be FWB, that he knows what he wants (which would be me) and that he is at a different stage of his life than his friend. I never meant for it to become serious, but with all of his assurances, I decided to open my heart and see him on a non-FWB basis. But now that we've become serious, he has expressed on a couple of occasions that he may or may not be able to love me (although he cries when I have attempted to leave him, he has told me he loves me [only to take it back] and that he's afraid to admit that he needs me, etc.) and that he doesn't want to hurt me so maybe we should just go our separate ways. I did try to leave him just recently and he thought I was just joking and was confident that we would never split up. It always ends up with us remaining together of course. The whole thing is really lame and confusing. I would love to get married and eventually have children again, but as you can imagine, my child bearing years are coming to a close very soon. My boyfriend is a very cautious guy and he has told me that it will take years before he could even contemplate marriage. Of course, when I was 25 years old, I thought the same thing because I had all the time in the world. At my age, however, I don't know if I can wait that long.

    Should I continue to stay with him and enjoy the relationship we have and see if it progresses, and if so, how much time should I give it before I give up on it? Should I give up on it now? I would break both of our hearts, but if it's necessary, we just both have to bear it.

  • practicalhappiness.c

    Hello, Sharon. That's a tough situation. I am sure the guy sees in you something he can't find in women of his age – maturity, confidence, possibly higher sex drive, open-mindedness, etc… I think mothers in such situations have almost an instinctual drive to protect their son. She is afraid that you will "ruin" the "perfect" plan she has for her son – you know all that good stuff – to finish college, build a career and marry in about 10 -15 years a woman who is younger than him. That's what most mothers want. At this point, your job is try to understand where she is coming from, because chances are you have acted that way too if you were in her shoes. At the same time, it's your guy's job to stand up for you and this relationship in front of his mother, so he should be the one doing it.

  • kimberly

    I am 43 and I am dating a 29 year old man. I have never dated younger, and for the life of me since him, I cannot why my mind was so closed to dating younger. My only regret is that I have 2 kids in college and one on her way in a year, I am not in the place in my life to have another child but I am willing to adopt.

    I do not care what people think I just care what we think and my kids are all for it…I am going to love him and be good to him and we will live for today and let the future handle itself.

  • Lyza

    I’m now 43, blessed with two most wonderful teenagers who’s been previously actively bugging me to settle down instead of dating around so frequently. Three years ago, I met this wonderful young man, he’s 22 then and single and successful. We began as friends, God blessed me with good, youthful looks and he thought I was 14 years off my real age, imagine that!

    Vanity aside, we hit it off instantly. He’s intelligent, confident, lively and could connect to me on almost every level. I didn’t put much thoughts into it, because of our huge age gap. Of course I’m attracted to him but it was way beyond his good looks. But at the same time, I encouraged him to date women his age and I continued seeing other people – harmless, uncomplicated dates. We started comparing our dating experiences, laughing it out the next day after each successful/horrendous date.

    Along the way, something changed. I started thinking more and more about him than I should. He started tucking his hand into mine when we’re out. I began to look forward seeing him on weekends – time which we unspokenly reserved for one another. One weekend, he was at my home, my kids were around and we watched this romantic comedy DVD – Maid of Honor – about a long standing friendship between two individuals who were best friends, buddies for ten years.

    At the end of it, he said to us, his exact words. “I know in the movie they’re the same age. What do you think of two people who are good friends who adore one another and the other being very much older. Should they take a step further?”

    My girl quipped, “Tom, age’s just a number, you know that!”

    He said, “Of course I do, but your mom doesn’t.”

    I was stunned.

    My son was more blatant.”Do you adore our mom?”

    I wanted to drop on the floor and die but all I could do was glare at my glib tongue teens.

    “Of course I do.” He told them simply. “I’m crazy about her. I don’t want to waste 10 years like in that movie.”

    My jaw dropped and I blushed. Mind you, I’ve not blushed for a long time since my adult, mature years. The next weekend we had our first kiss – after about two years since our friendship. My heart fluttered like a teenager (it’s not like I’ve never kissed anyone, I’ve kissed loads of dates) but everything felt just right.

    Needless to say, I got cold feet and the next day I went off for a week on my own for a short holiday. For the first time after so many years, I felt insecure, my confident level was at ground zero. I was always a cheerful, chripy, zesty woman with a love for life. It terrified me that I had fallen in love with someone almost half my age. I started to question, why would he want me? Not meaning to sound conceited, I am attractive for my age and have the energy of women half my age to boot. But he was so young although not immature. I began to worry about getting hurt if he grew tired of me. I was prepared not to think too much about the chaste kiss and just let it go.

    Ever heard of the saying that love is blind? He was furious I ran off and was frantically searching for me. I blackmailed my kids to cut off their allowances if they revealed my whereabouts. When I came back he was at my home, ranting away at me. He said a lot of things and I said a lot of things too. He walked off in a huff and we stayed out of touch for a month.

    I missed him like hell but pride held me back. One night, he came and said, “Are you happy now?”

    “I’m fine.” I lied of course.

    He didn’t buy it of course and I could see shadows under his eyes just like my eyes were looking like a panda. He kissed me and I broke and I say to myself, I love this man. It’s been a long time since I met someone that could truly make me laugh, kid around, be myself without me having to worry about the way I look, without my makeup on and all those silly shallow stuff.

    So what if he’s younger? So what if we’re going against the conventional rule of an ideal relationship between a man and a woman. He has everything in life, but so have I. We see each other as equals and I made up my mind.

    My advice to all those wonderful women my age who happens to find their soul mates in a much younger man – don’t worry too much about it like I did. I almost let love slip from my fingers. Let me tell you a secret, my husband told me this, yeah we tied the knot and I’m eight months pregnant now – twins.

    A real man, despite his age, doesn’t bother whether your hair is not perfectly curled or straightened, whether your nail polish is chipped off your nails or all those vanity stuff. He sees you, everything in you. He sees the way you carry yourself, he loves the way you laugh, and he loves how you love yourself. He loves you for what and who you are. Period. Finite. Cease and desist.

    Age is just a number and in case you never noticed, many marriages failed despite couples being in the acceptable age range. All said and done, do be careful, a younger man may seem exciting at the beginning. Trust your own heart AND use your head at the same time at the first hint of attraction. Begin with friendship, it’s the safest and more nurturing. It’ll build a certain level of bond between two people. Sex may be tempting in the beginning but I’d avoid it if the friendship is new.

    Hearts are better bonded if bodies are not being entwined all too soon. If it’s meant to be, it will be.

  • ryan

    hi,

    it is very nice to know that most of the above couples are finding a slice of happiness in this somewhat odd relationship. im am 22 and has been dating an amazing 30 year old woman for the past two years. the first year was fun and exciting. as the second year began, reality stepped in and she was questioning herself with me in every aspect. i try to prove to her that i can be what she wants, but she can't accept due to the fact that our age difference will raise alot of issues if we chose to remain together.One being the fact that when she is old and become unattractive i will seek a younger woman. this is not what i feel. I wish we can remain together forever but her suspicions of a future together has over cast everything that we have.

  • sade

    Hey you guys,

    Well ive read most and some of your comments and i must say i was relieved yet frightened (especially from the male comments).

    So yes, i am a 27 year old female seeing a 20 year old… some of you out there might believe that this is not a big of an age difference, however for some its a struggle (case in point).

    The age gap is not the main issue here, the main problem is that i come from a middle eastern country (no im not veiled) and dating out of the box is sort of "unacceptable" even though plenty of girls in my society have or are dating younger guys- but these girls are known to be too out there or bold, basically have more of a "blaze" manner to them. Unlike me, im distraught.

    I've always dated older guys (my last boy friend was 33) but this guy im seeing right now has been giving me sooo much, unlike any guy i have been with. He's amazingly supportive, crazy fun, very mature, adorable, sweet, generous, kind, loving, crazy in bed and is madly in love with me. He is everything i've ever asked for.

    My problem is not just the fact that its an unacceptable and uncommon matter in my society, but also that he doesnt live here (his mother is from my native country and his father is foreign). He goes back to his country in september and i am hoping to see him in Novemeber.

    Not only is he younger but he lives abroad and his religious faith is different than mine (i am a muslim, however i am very liberal and he is a christian-and in my religion and faith its not ok for a female to marry or be with a man out of her faith, why this is another matter!)

    I feel its a dead end thing and i am not the type who would go into something without a purpose. it's either all or nothing (i cant be other wise, tried but failed) for me its either im in or out. He makes me very happy and i feel thats all what counts, he gives me so much positive energy which is all what i need (and i give it back too, or at least i try)

    I just dont know what do…. im falling for him badly and i just dont want to get myself into something that will eventually end or fade away. Its too late to back out now as for its done, im falling and he fell.

    I would really love any advice as for i havent been able to talk about this freely with anyone, even my friends dont know some of my "emotional" feelings…

    Appreciating any advice!

    Luv,

    S

  • sharon

    I am proud to say that I am a very young looking 30 y/o woman. I started dating an amazing guy who is 21 year old two weeks ago. We couldn't be happier except for his mother. She hates me because of my age and acts like I'm such man-eating tramp. It is already starting to turn into this huge drama. The problem is that I have fallen hard for this man. We really are just so perfect for each other. I don't know how to handle the whole mom situation since he still lives at home. I would try talking to her but just last night she was on the phone cursing at me. I just don't know what to do! Why do some people have such a problem with us? We couldn't be happier dang it! 🙁

  • cinnamon

    If any one out there has any insight please advise. I am usually the one that gives advise to all my friends but now I feel that their opinions are so varied and sometimes one sided based on their experiences that were bad. I could use a little help here.

  • cinnamon

    I am an attractive 48 year old women dating the nicest 32 year old guy. We met at a party and he started to ask me out right away, I told him my age and he quickly responded that his last girlfriend was 46 and I seemed younger in many ways. We spent the next 10 hours in conversation (no one ever holds my interest for very long) and had a great time. We exchange numbers but I never planned for it to go past that point. Yes he called, yes I turned him down and yes he called again. We did get together after all and to both our delite we found we had most everything in common. We have been seeing each other for a little over 2 months.

    I am a smart girl and built a small wall and kept seeing with my brain thinking he is so lovely but this can’t go much further. He felt the same at first but then he started to put holes in my wall by telling me that he couldn’t stop telling everyone how amazing I was and he couldn’t wait for me to meet his best friends. He has met mine and they all love him and say he’s the nicest person and they are cautious but happy for us. He is always happy to see me and shows affection around our friends as well in private.

    He wants me to read his finance books, personal relationship books etc. so that I can really understand him. Stating that we don’t have to agree but this will help us know each other and also understand our combined clients and friends. You could see in his eyes he is smitten and cautious. Still calling us friends. He always states he ‘s only had unsuccessful relationships with women that he had nothing in common with and he’s amazed at how we are together. Always in caution mode but making comments of the things that we are to do in the future.

    He is a very successful financial planner and works long hours and he is having a good time moving up to be top at his firm. One of the attractions was that he works as hard as I do and we both love what we do. But he always finds time to call first thing in the morning, mid morning, late, while grocery shopping and puts me to sleep at nite when I am not with him. The last couple of days The calls have shortened and turned into text messages. Some of our mutual friends say that is what he does while in his work zone.

    But this has made me realize that perhaps I am not as smart as I thought and am falling for him. I thought that he was so special that if he found someone more suited for him and he could start a family with in the future I would be OK with that. He is very smart and mature and doesn’t like when people lead other people on, He’s honest and full of character; far more than any 45 year old I know. Otherwise I never would have gone there, seriously.

    So my question is doesn’t it seem like he’s putting effort by all his actions ? Should I ride this out ? Now I am confused. Over the years I have read many books on relationships and recognize the signs of a guy that doesn’t want to be there. He in his manner hasn’t shown me those signs. I haven’t seen him in a week and I miss him. I really want to be his friend long term, he still is a rare quality person that I will always treasure.

  • lilolita

    I am 46 yrs old. I have been in three relationships over the past five years with men who are younger. The first Sam was 27. Highly intellectual and caring…Was very serious about me but I refused to take the relationship seriously. The second was 35 yrs old and again was 35 on the outside and an old soul on the inside. Now I’m in a very new situation with a 29 yr old who I know if I don’t walk away immediately I’m gonna get sucked in and not be able to walk away. I feel so helpless because younger men tend to gravitate toward me and the men my age aren’t interested. Why I don’t know but the older men want younger more youthful women. Its difficult for me because I actually look like I’m about 30-35. I’m 5′ tall and weight 100 pounds and look very young in the face. I work out everyday at the gym to stay fit but I feel like I’m just dreaming my life away with these men because eventually my age will show and eventually these men will leave me for a more youthful looking woman. I am trying to keep my senses about this but its difficult. With the first two guys I never called them, I waited for them to call or text me or email me and because I didn’t they were even interested and called or texted too much. This last guy I can’t get a handle on my emmotions. He looks like he stepped right out of GQ magazine so I know he is with me for any long term. He says he wants to keep it casual. I am willing to do that because any amount of time with him is worth it to me. The only problem I have with this guy is he isn’t the intellectual that the first two were, so I feel that I will lose interest in him sooner than he does me which is a good thing I think. Its been years and the other two guys still keep in touch with me even though they both are with women their ages now. Yes, their women hated me and used to send nasty emails to me but after two years of not interfering with their relationships they now know I would never do anything to disrupt their lives with the two men and actually one of the women has talked with me on the phone for advice on her guy. I actually would love an older man who is like a younger man only older, but it doesn’t exist. This isn’t Demi and Ashton. If your not Demi and Aston real life love with a younger man doesn’t happen and we as older women need to keep it real.

  • Beth

    I am a 45 y/o woman who has had two failed marriages. I have been single now for almost 9 years, but have only been in one significant relationship. I have been told that I look about 33, and my last b/f was like me, in his 40’s, but looked in his early 30’s. He didn’t treat me very well, and it turned out that he never wanted a true commitment even though we lived together for a year, much less to get married. After wasting 2 years of my life with him, moving across the country, and dealing with his habitual dishonesty, I finally aligned my heart with my head, and broke off the relationship.

    I have recently met a younger man (31) on a dating site, and we only had the intention of hanging out together. What could it hurt? Right? We seem to be cut from the same cloth, and have the same kind of personality, and interests. We enjoyed eachother’s company so much the first time that we met, that he didn’t want me to leave. We spend the entire night together talking, watching movies, and later, he held me all night. We just cuddled. Of course, neither of us slept any, but it was so nice to find someone who truly wanted to spend time with me. Even though we were not intimate, the chemistry was there.

    The problem is that he wants to have children of his own. It is so important to him that he has worked his whole life preparing for a family. I am disqualified because I can no longer have any children. I have three sons who are 23, 21, and 16. (I am also a grandmother.) After my youngest was born, I had a Tubal Ligation because I knew in my heart that I would eventually be a single mother with 3 children.

    He wants us to remain friends, and hang out together on the weekends, but I don’t know what to do. I really like him, and I’m afraid it is going to be so hard being around him while he is looking for someone who can have his children.

    On one hand, I think about the possibility of him falling so much in love with me that he will consider adopting or not having children at all, or maybe I will meet someone else through him that will not care if I can have his children. On the other hand, I wonder if it is going to cause me entirely too much pain. I just don’t know what to do. When we talked about the issue, he seemed genuinely upset when he thought that he would never hear from me again. We’re supposed to go out to a club this weekend. I guess I’ll have to play it by ear.

    Anyone have any advice, opinions, or a different prospective?

    Thanks,
    Beth

  • Passenger20

    I agree with 'younger guys perspective'. I am 35 and have been seeing a 44 year old women for a couple of years. It is a long distance relationship which adds to the complication. I love her, and I have always told myself that all the differences are just window dressing. If you love someone, you overcome them. And yet, last night I told her I didn't feel that I could continue the relationship. She is devastated and broken hearted. I feel like the lowest of the low for hurting her. I hate myself for what I've done to her. So why would I do this to someone I love? She has three teenage kids and can't have any more. I'm getting to a point in my life where I would dearly love kids and am worrying that I will never get to have them. I've tried to block it out. But I don't want to regret for the rest of my life not being able to have a family. I know how selfish I sound. Inside I am in pieces. But I can't turn off the feelings and pretend they're not there. So a note of caution to younger guys. Be honest with yourself about what you want out of life before you enter a relationship with an older woman. Because you may end up falling in love, after something that started as innocent and carefree. If she cant have kids and you feel that you might want them someday, walk away so that you don't break your hearts further down the line. I will never forgive myself for breaking her heart, and I do love her still. But I have to let her go before I cause any more damage to both of us.

  • Young Ohio

    I'm a 23-year-old man who deeply loves a 43-year-old woman. I met her 5 years ago at work and over time she became my best friend and a woman unlike any other I'd ever met. I'm still crazy about her and have thought about starting a relationship with her, but I don't want to pressure her into anything. I have a decent job, but still live at home (I help my parents with the bills and such). She's close to getting a college degree in French and moving into working in real estate. She's already experienced so much hurt from previous men and I would not want to end up causing her more (not that I ever would intentionally). I know that there would be issues to overcome and that a relationship might not last, but should I try anyway?

  • Happy

    Feeling Guilt,

    A loving and healthy relationship is not dependent on being the right age, race or culture. It's dependent upon the nature of the couple, their maturity and their common interests. Attraction is attraction, no matter his age. I offer the same advice to all couples…be loving, respectful, honest and most importantly – be yourself!

    With any new attraction, women should always be aware. Some males have been known to make loving declarations with the goal of sex and no intent of starting a relationship. If you truly want a relationship, make that the purpose of your interactions until you feel confident of where it is going. Although you both may be sexually attracted to each other, limit your physical contact. A human body in heat will override the mind everytime! How long to that point? It depends…everyone is different. The point is take your time. You are worth the "discovery phase" and so is your happiness. If you decide this is a man you want to have a loving, healthy relationship with and he is of the same mind, go for it!!! Don't let age or how others perceive your age difference deter you.

    All the best!

  • younger guy perspect

    I can’t believe im on this forum, but I just happened to google “younger guy dating older women” and this popped up. I just called off a relationship of almost 4 years with an older girl… I’m 32 she will turn 43 soon. Lets just say I feel almost like a criminal, because even though from day one I told her that this wasn’t going to go anywhere, I have loved her with all my heart and stuck with her for this long. Mixed signals, maybe… I rationalized it by saying to myself that I had never lied to her for a single day with my words so the responsibility was on her to get out when she wanted… but I confused her heart by taking her in my arms every day with my actions.

    I feel so so badly, so badly I can’t even describe it. She is a very successful personal professionally and personally, and really really attractive… a rare catch if there ever was one. Although she had dated, she never prioritized finding “the guy” and figured that God would take care of that part, and he would come along at the right time. When she met me at 38-39, she figured I was it. We had a really amazing relationship, I took her to my house in Italy, even introduced her to my parents. I never once looked at or thought about another woman while I was with her… in fact I have never had such a strong sexual attraction to any woman in my life. But over time the reality that since I wasn’t ready for children now, (but definitely wanted them later) that being with her would make it impossible for me. What i should have done is left her, but to phrase a good friend of mine, I always used the butter knife, never the sharp knife. I was too scared to say goodbye definitively.. so I would set these arbitrary deadlines in my head because I wanted one more month with this amazing person. Her friends and family hated me all along because they knew better probably, and the internal conflict inside of me kept building and building… but I was either too seflish or too damn cowardly to let her go. Now she is basically past her childbearing years (although it’s arguable she would have had a child before meeting me if she had wanted one) and I have crushed her heart. I feel like a wreckless man, full of guilt that by not letting go of this person who I loved so much, that I have hurt her immesurably. I am such an asshole. Please, my suggestion would be to women (and guys) who are thinking just of “today” and how much fun they are having… unless you are prepared for what nature makes almost inevitable for us… don’t get into a relationship you know has no or little chance of success. I will forever carry the guilt of what I have done… love doesn’t conquer all, sometimes practical considerations come into play. Don’t get yourself into a trap ok… I fucked up really really badly.

  • amylee

    Wow.. ladies and younger gents on this site. I was looking for advice and found all sorts of situations and relationships. Incredible! Yes, of course I am in a similar situation. I'm 47, he is 24 (soon to be 25). Yes, the sex is absolutely incredible and he is so"mature" and adventurous than anyone I have ever met. Yes, this is a brand new relationship, so we are both smitten. I hear all of what you are saying and it's important, SO IMPORTANT, to be aware, but yet go with your gut and be happy. I cannot express the joy I am feeling and I know, you ladies out there, know what I mean. It's like a spark has been light that's been out for so long. But we need to be (1) cautious and (2) practical; not just the women, but the men too. Keep your head above the cloud, but ride the wave. Life is so short. You never when your number is up, but be responsible.

    Thank you for all of your honesty!

  • CalGal

    Ok, here it is…I just turned 46 and he is 21. We just met, but the connection was wonderful for both of us. My issue is that my daughter is 21, and I am not sure how I feel about that. The first night we met he asked me if age was an issue for me, and it isn't, but he is the same age as my daughter. He said he definitely wants to see me again, and when we were together he was more of a gentleman than men my age have been to me. A man was bothering me when we were out and the 21 yr old stepped right in and sat next to me the entire night. I was amazed at the connection we had….I can't wait to see him again!

  • Feeling Guilt

    Greetings all…

    I've been harboring these awful feelings for having the desire to date guys younger than me. I'll be 35 this fall and have a very, very strong attraction to guys a lot younger than myself. So my questions is…how young is too young?

    I am not seeing anyone right now and haven't been in a relationship in over five years. I've been dating men off and on in the past year with the ages of 22, 26, 27, and 42. When I was on dates with the younger guys, I felt sexy and wanted and fun and spontaneous. I felt some of those things with the older guy, too…but just not as attracted to him. It's almost as if he was set in his ways and the younger guys were more adventurous.

    The scary thing is that younger guys nowadays are very intelligent and very driven and know how to talk to women which is very sexy to me. It seems as if they know things at 20 that men in their 30's and 40's still don't know.

    My dilemma: I've been talking to one person who just admitted to me that he's 19, but we started talking when he was only 17!! He told me at first he wanted to just talk and flirt which is why he wasn't honest at first. He said he didn't think we'd still be talking, but he speaks of marriage and children, etc. It's a very frightening feeling! Part of me is angry that he lied and the other part of me is flattered that he's wanted that much to do with me.

    Another guy I met over the weekend told me: " you could be my dream girl ", he'll be 20 this month. We've talked a lot and seem to be compatible as well, but that guilt started settling in again.

    I keep telling myself it's not right to think about guys that are 18, 19, 22, etc the way I do and it's not right to even consider dating guys this, but I don't know how to deal with this attraction and the guilt it brings.

    Any advice?

  • Vinie

    I'm glad to see that there are people out there having the same issues as I have. I'm 27, and have just recently fallen in a guy who is 19. So far we are just friends, but he also seems to be interested in me, he's a really shy guy, and I doubt that any of us will ever have the courage to make that step that crosses the line between friendship and a relationship.

    This guy is just the epitome of everything I've ever wanted to have in a man. Just like many of you, I've never set my mind on finding a younger guy, it's just happened.

    I don't have children and I know that these 8 years between us even might work. I mean, when he'll be 25, I'll be 33 and we can still have children then, I won't be too old for giving birth and he won't be too young for a family.

    What bothers me the most is the fact that he's 19. I mean, you know, he's in his teens and I'm so close to my thrities. That just sounds so bad, loving a guy who is not even in his twenties yet and I'm already on my way out of my twenties.

    I'm not brave enough to show him that I want more than his friendship, I'm afraid that I'm misreading his signals and I might loose his friendship too if that's the case. But I'm also afraid of not taking the chance and loosing the guy who might be the one and later regretting not even giving it a try. Oh, it's just so hard.

    My other problem is that currently I'm working as sort of a Youth Rapporteur in our local community centre and probably it wouldn't be the best idea starting to date a 19 year-old, while I'm assigned to working with the young people of the area.

    I'm not asking you to give me solutions and answers, it just felt so right finally being able to talk about this situation to those who are in the same situation. Thank you for listening and wishing you all the best! 😉

  • Crazy4him

    OK, this one is a response to PunchyinNo. Your guy is just not responsible whether he's 18 or 50. It has nothing to do with age. I'm 38 and my boyfriend is 25 and he's an engineer working on his masters and more responsible than me (yes, I'm the party animal in our relationship). So, regardless of age, you should probably dump him because you can tell that you deserve more and you do. Best of luck to you.

  • PunchyinNO

    I have read all of the above posts and haven't read anything similar to my personal dilemma, so please allow me to tell you a short version to a long story. I will be 50 next month. I don't look 50 but I don't look 30 either; more like early 40s. I am dating a 28 y/o guy, who is an atty. We are lucky to both be very attractive people [I don't know why I felt the need to include that] I specifically mentioned "atty" and "guy" vs man, because of my dilemma. I met him when i was 48 and he had just turned 26. We hit it off immediately, dated and he moved in right away; having lived together for almost 2 years. The age difference was a consistent issue for me and the gap in our maturity levels was the deal breaker in the end. I have 2 children, a 22 y/o and a 26 y/o, [neither lives w/me] who eventually accepted him and our families accepted us as well. After the usual "good behavior" stage, in a relationship, and on to the 'comfortable" stage, he began to show signs of his age, or younger. He liked to "party w/his friends". He would go out and not come home till 2 am sometimes. His guilt would lead him to "paying off his apology" by buying me something or taking me out to dinner. That stage didn't last very long so he began to "bargain' for his "time off". He would help me around the house with chores so he could go out w/his friends. Or he would make plans and say, "I'll take you out tomorrow night, ok". That stage didn't last long either. I never wanted to take him away from his friends but I could not handle behavior as if my own kids were still living w/me and coming home from going out. And the hangovers often ruined my time the following day. Now, back to the "atty" part; with a profession like that, one might expect a more mature and responsible character, right? So needless to say this relationship was much like a roller coaster. We got along great together, we loved each other dearly and the sex was good, too. We ultimately broke up after 2 1/2 years and his young, spoiled maturity level prevented him from doing the grown-up thing and GET HIS OWN APARTMENT. Nope, he moved in with his grandmother, at 28, so he wouldn't be alone and have responsibilities. We tried to remain friends so he could see the dogs that we have together and he wanted to help me with chores and "take care of me" [his words]. Well that didn't work because now that he wasn't in a relationship, his reliability was very poor. He wouldn't show up to get the dogs when he said he would; he would sleep in and call me hours later than we had planned; it was awful and my anger at him grew to the point I could not bear to talk to him or see him again. I cut things off completely. His lack of responsibility and maturity and living with his grandmother made me so angry, it was really affecting my life negatively. During this time he would always try to get back together, send me text messages and emails about how he loves me, can't live without me and he was miserable. If he thought I was on a date, he got jealous and would text me during the date. Then one day, [3 months later] his cell phone accidentally called mine [while I was sleeping] and left this 7 minute recording of him and another girl, that he works with, out together and him telling her that he wants to see her as mch as he can. [he had been drinking]. I have never felt that much pain in my heart and my gut in years, and I mean over a decade. I couldn't handle it. I threw myself into work and volunteer work at the dog park w/my dogs. I lost my appetite and I lost weight. I ended up texting him to tell him to remove my number in his cell phone so it doesn't happen again. He immediately came to see me, apologized, said that would have never happened if he could still be with me…yadda, yadda. So…..we've been back together for 1 week now…he still lives w/his grandmother, still goes out with his friends one night a week, sex is very good. So how is it going? Well, presently, I am waiting for him to wake up [at his grandmother's] from his sleeping in after having gone out last night w/his friends…I am waiting because I tried to bathe one of my labs and I hurt my back and could use some help. Remember, I will be 50 next month. By the way, I am an intelligent, attractive, responsible and mature woman…but I bet you're thinking that's questionable, right? Your thoughts please.

  • Happy

    My situation is a little different. I am a 36 yr old female who has feelings for a 22 yr old male and neither of us have children. I did not set out to find a younger man, my feelings evolved from our friendship. Actually, we both thought the other was 26 when we first met. At that time, I was not open to being involved with someone younger or of a different race. I made a list of his attributes and asked myself would I date a guy my age and race who fits the list ? The answer was a resounding yes!!! So, I opened my heart and mind to the possibility.

    I believe the age difference is more of a hinderance for him than it is for me. When I look at him, I don't see his age only his kindess, humor, intelligence and other great attributes. But it seems he is not so open to a relationship, so we'll remain friends for now.

    All the best to those in a loving, healthy relationship, no matter the age or race!

  • practicalhappiness.com

    Thanks for sharing. Indeed, different things make different people happy. Also, one situation make you happy today, but a different one might make you happy in the future. There is simply no way to know, but it’s a good idea to not do something just because it makes other people happy. It’s going to sound obvious, but since we are all different, we naturally want different things out of life.

  • Italianguy

    I am a 27 year old guy who a few months back had met a very nice woman in Florida. I was away with family and did not expect to meet anyone. Who would have thought that I would meet someone at disney world? It turns out that she is 41 years old which when we met, I really thought she was in her 30's…anyway I find myself falling for her hard and I love being with her. We have so much fun together. She has 2 grown up kids and a 6 year old daughter. We get along great. At first I was thinking a lot about the age difference but I feel like we are on the same page and we enjoy the same things. I never had that in my previous relationships. My family may think I want kids one day but what I really want is to be happy. Her daughter makes me happy and we have fun together. I couldn't ask for more right now in my life. Happiness comes in many different ways. Sometimes it just falls right in your lap when you least expect it.

  • Interesting

    I did not set out to date a younger man. I will not judge others…based on some of the responses of the age differences. I was specifically noticing a lot of 40 and 20 something. For me personally, if I had made a plan to date or find a husband I don't believe I would ever date a man under 30. I am 48. Thirty is the minimum for me and that is pushing it. In my opinion any age younger than that is still attempting to find themselves maybe and I would be subjected to ridicule which is not in my plans for security. What the article did not mention is that older women are well aware of what they want out of life. With a mature woman, these young men know right were they stand because we will be up front with him, telling him what we are looking for and what we want. This gives our man a chance to "back out" before anything gets too serious if he wants. Most mature women don't want to waste their time or his by playing games. We are ready to have some fun and/or to get married with someone who shares the same interests as we do, and we don't want to have to worry about his hang-ups. We want to know if he wants to be with us or not and if he doesn't, then we're going to move on and find someone who does. If he is embarrassed about the age difference, we are not going to waste our time. We have been around the block, and would rather be alone than with someone who is ashamed for the two of us to be seen together because of age. However, all of this is based on each individual and their self confidence, character, and personality. Usually, this applies to a well adjusted woman. There are some 40 something women that look to be in their 20's-30's because they are taking care of their body, their mind, their spirit, and their soul. That would be me.

    Here is my story. I believe in God first and foremost in my life. Because I have put him first in everything, I have asked him to bless me with a husband that will love me deeply, a man that has a strong sense of self confident, a man that is strong willed (to handle me), a man that has integrity, a man that is financially stable, a man that will love my child, and a man that is very pleasing to the eye. I told God that I didn’t care what color this husband would be. I meant every bit of that. Not only did he bless me with all I ask, but he gave me a younger man that met all of the criteria that God (himself agreed with) knew would make us a loving and passionate couple. He is over 30. My man is Caucasian and I am Black. I am never concerned about his race at all. He is everything I asked for and then some. I am an educated and professional woman. He is an educated and established professional man.

    I would like for all women who are reading this message to know that men who are looking for long term relationships are attracted to what you put out. For instance, your spirit, your personality, your character, and your intelligence. All of these things add up to attraction. I was a size 12 and flabby when I met him on the tennis court and I sized down to a 4 after rediscovering my love for tennis. In essence, my size and age was not a problem for him and he is very handsome.

    My man and I have not had physical intimacy. But he makes love to me all the time through his actions. My man can teach some men “how to make love to a woman without touching her” and she will fall deeply in love with him. We have been dating for one year. We will not have physical intimacy until the marriage night. Ladies, I truly believe in sexual purity. I have been celibate for 12 years now. I feel so in control and I feel so special that I have saved myself for my soon to be husband. Believe me, he loves it as well. What man doesn’t want to have a sexual pure (I consider a 12 yr celibacy as a rebirth of sexual purity) woman for his wife that saved it for him? A man that truly and deeply loves you will wait and he will not ask you. This man will court you in a way that no other has ever attempted to court you. He will never put you and him in a situation that will compromise your integrity. This is a God generated love. He gave me the desires of my heart because I am faithful to him. Seek God first in all things, and he will give you the desires of your heart.

    Also, the article did not mention that the relationship can be based from love. Why sex? Why not love and marriage?

  • Ohio

    I too would like to comment about my current relationship, in hopes that someone else in the same situation will be able to relate and perhaps understand that they’re not the only ones facing certain challenges that come from this age gap.

    I’m a 27 year old man. My girlfriend is 41. We met one day soon after I had opened a new business (she worked next door). One thing led to another and I eventually found myself becoming deeply involved in a fantastic relationship. This was over 2 years ago. When I was then 25 and her 39.

    Its a very mutual relationship and has never been about the sex [though I must add I have NEVER been more satisfied]. This comes from chemistry, in which there is plenty. I would like to say AGE DOESN’T MATTER. But allow me to qualify that, which brings me to my point of writing this- it’s not the age that matters. Its the things that come with it.

    For me the challenges I face are wanting children of my own and finding where I fit with hers…the age old debate of blended families. She has two children. One 13 and the other 19. She had a tubal ligation performed after her last child [which she regrets as she was only 27]. I have no children, but it’s something I strongly desire. I want a family, but most importantly, I want it with her. She feels much the same way.

    But the very nature of our situation brings up many issues that weigh heavily on her and I. Things like 1) Having a tubal reversal performed, doesn’t guarantee that we’ll conceive. In fact, the odds are discouraging. Nor is the operation covered under insurance 2) If we do conceive, concerns arise over the health of the baby and mother during pregnancy. 3) If a baby was brought into this world, there would be a large age gap between her children and baby, effectively creating two separate families. Not discounting issues that occur in blended families regardless. 4) She would be 60 by the time baby graduates high school.

    To look at this from a distance, one’s logic cannot discern how this could ever work. Facts are facts. But that’s the mind. The heart isn’t logical in this way, so I am at an impasse with myself. I love her. Deeply.

    Recently, I chose to put our relationship on hold. Its been painful for both of us, but a choice has to be made before this relationship can evolve into another chapter.

    I am not sure where things will go from here. Some things have to left to faith, in that things always work for the better. What ever that ‘better’ may be.

    I suppose I could have missed the pain, but I’d have had to miss the dance.

  • Golda Dee

    i would like to comment to Mr. Anonymous who is 29 yr. old and is dating a 40 yr.

    old woman. In the first place the relationship would not really last because you

    already have started having sex while you were only dating for 2 months. And if the girl

    you said is already inlove with you and you were not, all you have to do is to tell

    her straight that you dont have plans of pursuing the relationship any more. She

    is already 40 and probably matured enough and strong enough to accept the

    reality just in case your relationshhip can’t last. Besides before it can happen that her love to you

    gets deeper and deeper make the move to cut it now while it is still early.

  • practicalhappiness.com

    at anonymous:
    This is not an easy situation, but if you decided to end things you should do it sooner than later. I know it’s not easy – in fact it’s very hard, but it seems like the honorable things to do – to yourself and to her. Waiting will not make it easier but will only make you and her miss out on seeing other people and having other opportunities.

  • practicalhappiness.com

    Thanks for sharing your very personal and private story. Under the circumstances, it’s important that you don’t think of your relationship with the 28 year-old is a waste of time. I am sure that you have enjoyed it as long as it lasted, and… even though the 28/42 connection is unlikely to last in most cases, there is just never a way to know where things are going, and if you learned something from that experience or it brought you closer to understanding what you want and what you wish to avoid in the future or think in that direction, all the more power to you. Thanks.

  • Anonymous

    I am on the flip side of this. I am a 29 year old who recently started dating a 40 year old(maybe 2 months now). We get along great. The love life is wonderful. She feels I am the most mature and complete man she has ever met. If she was even 5 years younger I would have no problem seeing a future, but she has two children and has had her tubes tied. I certainly want children of my own and have told her as much. She wants to go to her doctor and figure out options; if there are any. I don’t want her putting her health at risk or changing what she had already decided. I love her but I am certainly not in love with her. She has told me that she is in love with me. I feel like I need to end things; mostly for her best interests, but I have no idea how to do so without devastating her. I am the younger person in the relationship, but I don’t feel that way and I think she would agree that I am the “older” one in our relationship. Any advice would be awesome.

  • crash

    I am 42 and recently ended a relationship with a guy 28 years old. I've been over analyzing it all I'll admit. We both had our reservations, but in the end it was his uncertainty about wanting a family that ruled the potential future out for him. It made me regret that I've been on cruise control for the last ten years. I'm suddenly very confused about what I want now.

    Most importantly I want to say thank you to all who have shared here. It's difficult to find a venue on this topic. It compelled me to share, which I rarely do.

    Best wishes to you!

  • Unkown

    Hello Molly,,,
    let me tell you this
    am 25 years and i felt in love with a 43 years old woman. and am with her since a year and a half.
    i can tell you that the young man you’re talking about, if you really felt his love towards you, then he really loves you, and if you believe in love then you know that we can not play in love and we can not make it pass like it’s nothing, and we can not avoid it cause no one knows if we will feel it again.
    don’t think about ages, think about love.
    love have no age, so why we will use ages against it?
    feel it, go for it, from the most wonderful things in love is the challenge.
    reply me as soon as you can.
    thank you all.

  • kay

    Its so good to hear these stories because it makes me feel so much better. Im 50 but look 32 and my partner is only 27. I am so so worried about the future. He wants to get married. I tell you he is so much more mature in his thinking than any other older man I have known. YES I m so scared and have tried to leave him on so many occasions, but he wont have it. What do I do… go with the flow.
    ps he is the same age as my daughter… am I sick or what?

  • practicalhappiness.c

    Hello, Stef. I couldn't see any harm in going out and seeing how things are going. If there is mutual consent and attraction, who is to say what's right and what's not?

    And I would certainly not look 20 years into the future or even two years into the future before you even had a chance to go out once. Thanks.

  • Stef

    I could use some advice. I am 38 and have a 20 yr old who is very interested in me and I am so attracted to him. I've known him for a couple years now and he is more mature that men who are 35. I just think that is to much of a gap in age. Would I be robbing the craddle if we did go on a date to see what happens? In 20 years it would be a 58 yr old dating a 40 yr old, that's the way he put it and doesn't see what the big deal is. Is it just to much?

  • marie

    i'm to love a younger guy, i'm 41 and he is 26 and we live in different states but we visit and see each other as often as we can its crazy but i cant let him go we have fun together laugh eat etc.and the romance is crazy if u know what i mean..having fun

  • Sue

    Hi Arkady, hi everynone!

    It's been almost 2 yrs since I wrote in needing advice on this issue, as I was in a confusing 'younger man/older woman' situation. I was feeling rather overwhelmed by the feelings that had developed between myself (then nearly 34 yrs old) and a younger man (who had just turned 21 yrs old). It started casually, then got very deep, very quickly. We ended up splitting after about 3 months, in a friendly manner, as it wasn't really what either of us wanted…in fact, it was all a bit frenzied and rushed.

    I looked back with fondness at what we had…after all, it was a real confidence boost, great fun and made me feel alive again (as my last relationship before that was very dull and not very sexy). However, I swore that it woud be a one-off, be on my own for a good while, then try other guys my age again.

    Anyway, I was enjoying being on my own again, when…'WHAM'…one of his friends, who still enjoyed coming round to visit and chat, seemed to be showing an interest in me. It was again, out of the blue, but was even more of an enigma to me. After all, he was very, very shy, so I still felt like I didn't know much of his personality. At first I was worried about his motives/intentions (e.g. was I getting known as the 'older woman who would train younger men in their sexual techniques'? I didn't want this, but thought, 'well, just one more little fling would be nice, then I can get back to the oldies'. Plus, he's absolutely gorgeous!

    Fast forward to nearly a year and a half later. We're still together! We took it all exremely slowly, having loads of fun throughout. He had a terrible thing happen to him about 6 months into the relationship, turned to me for help and comfort. He had nowhere to go, so I agreed he could stay at my place for a couple of nights. 6 months later, he was still there…the first guy that I have ever been able to live with, without wanting to strangle after a few weeks!

    Now, we've been living our own little flat (rented!). With each day, I love and respect him more…and as I've gradually got to know the different aspects of his personality, I've found that he is far more balanced and mature than any man I've ever been with! We do look like an odd couple though, as I'm now nearly 36 yrs and 5'1" tall, he's nearly 23 yrs and 6'6" tall! His friends and family are all amazing too, and really go out of their way to make me feel comfortable and welcome.

    Still, we take each day at a time…and the concerns about children, age and stuff don't really go away. However, I feel more in control of things this time, and will carry on just enjoying the 'here and now'. Whatever will be,will be!

    Thanks for reading X

  • admin

    Hi, Gina.

    Thanks for sharing your story. Indeed, in your case – taking one day a time without trying to predict the future might be the best way to go. The fact that you are able to enjoy each other's company on these terms without being attached to the outcome which cannot be known to anyone is admirable.

    Thanks.

  • Gina Lovest

    Hi, I enjoyed the article and I agree. I am a 42 year old woman, dating a 27 year old guy. In my head it's crazy…15 years difference!

    But in my heart we feel great with one another. He has tried to get me to date him twice in the last 3 years. I ran the other way and fast!!

    The reason why, I am 42 and done with kids. I have 3 teens and do not want anymore. And what I have found with the younger man, eventually they want that. So I ran away so he could have that opportunity to find that.

    Well its been over a year since we have seen one another. We both have been in relationships with people our own age. but we keep coming back to each other.

    I can only think about us a day at a time and he said that is fine. And we are having a blast together! I have decided to think with my heart and stay out of my head this time.

    All I know is, as of right now I feel great when I am with him. And thats good enough for me.

    Thanks

    Gina

  • Molly

    I am a 45 year old woman who has strong feelings for a 24 year old man. He feels the same way and has told me on many occasions. I find it a bit weird, but cannot imagine my life without him. We have been friends for a few years, and I have told him that the relationship cannot go any further. He has found a girl and has plans to marry her in a few months time. He is unhappy and had just told me that he started going out with her hoping I would 'be jealous". He will call off the wedding if I change my mind. His fiance won't speak to me as she knows I hold the cards to her future too. He is a good person, and we can talk about anything. We just seem to connnect. I am at my happiest when we spend time together. My heart wants him so badly, but my mind is telling me that it is ridiculous and to let him go. He has told his family about me and they will respect any circumstance as long as he is happy. My family would not be so accepting. So basically it is my decision – what will I do