Why She Was Into You And Then Suddenly Wasn’t
She seemed excited to meet you. She asked questions, flirted, and agreed to a date. Then her replies got shorter. She canceled, stopped responding, or said she didn’t feel a connection. You can’t think of a single possible reason for this sudden 180 shift on her part. And the worst part is that it has been happening repeatedly. You go back through your messages, trying to figure out what happened. How could she go from being so interested to uninterested in just a matter of hours when you barely know each other?
One explanation that doesn’t get enough attention is this: a woman’s deep and powerful self-protection and self-preservation motor that runs continuously in her mind, scanning and looking for any reason, big, small or even petty, to disqualify you. It could be a picture on your Instagram that led her to assume so many things about you, which may or may not be true. It might have been your comment on Linkedin or Facebook that she disagrees with. It could also have been something innocent that you said on your date. Suppose you mention that your ex was a great cook. She immediately assumes that you miss your ex, you are not over her, and you expect women to cook for you. Way too many assumptions based on very little information, but that’s what so many women do. That same scanning motor keeps asking the “what does this mean?” question about so many things you say or do early on in your interaction.
When another man is a swipe away, asking for clarification of whatever it is that she thinks she learned about you might feel like it’s more trouble than it’s worth. Instead of saying, “What did you mean by that?” she starts talking to someone else. That new person has an advantage: she hasn’t discovered anything she dislikes about him yet. This can and often does turn into a cycle. Someone looks exciting at first. Then a small detail creates doubt. Rather than finding out whether the doubt is justified, she moves on to the next person.
More dates are cancelled and more “I just don’t think we are a match” messages are sent by women to the guys they appeared to have been interested in for this particular “scanning for issues” reason, and not because they are too busy, not in a good place in life to date, etc. Also, most of the time women cancel dates of flake not because they don’t know how to make plans, are not responsible, or don’t respect other people’s time. I promise you that they know how to show up on time or even early for the things that matter to them. The main reason is that they arrive to a conclusion in their own mind based on some or very little information that they should not continue speaking with you.
