Does “I Don’t Do Coffee Dates” Help Or Hurt Your Profile

coffee dateSome women like to include in their dating profile that they don’t do coffee dates. While I appreciate their sentiment of wanting to see the guy they go out with put a little more effort into their date, this type of statement hurts them way more than helps and is better left out of a profile.


The first and the most obvious reason is that men immediately and somewhat rightfully assume that she is looking to take advantage of the men she goes out with by getting them to buy her dinner or do something else that’s more expensive than coffee and that’s a big red flag.

Secondly, this statement implies some type of unattractive entitlement. When you say you don’t do coffee dates, you are basically saying “even though you barely know me, I still expect you to take me on a “real” date, when in fact dinner dates and other longer and more involved dates should be reserved for later times – when you have gotten to know each other, because having dinner with someone you actually like is so much better than eating while trying to figure out whether you like each other, worrying about your table manners, worrying about splitting the tab, etc.

If you are a woman who is tired of overly casual dates, then you need to realize that the reason these dates are not exciting is not because they are over coffee or over a drink, but because other, deeper things are missing – you are not attracted to each other enough, you are not interested in what each of you have to share, or you are simply not intersted in dating anyone that much right now, but you refuse to recognize it.

To make your (first date) exciting, you have to build up to it by having at least one interesting phone conversation that would make you excited about meeting each other, and preferrably more than one such conversation before meeting in person. Then, whether it’s a coffee date or not will be irrelevant to how you feel about each other.

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About practicalh

Practical, effective dating tips and relationship advice.
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