Many of us are often tempted to verbally hurt our partner back out of basic desire to get even, after he/she says or does something hurtful to us. This often happens during arguments and fights, and it doesn’t matter whether the fight is over something significant or over something completely minor and stupid. We choose to engage in that sort of verbal revenge in a relationship by saying things that we know are going to offend, insult, hurt or enrage our partner, just in order to strike back. The longer you are in a relationship the better you know how to push his or her buttons, and you will be “better” at this verbal revenge. However, doing this is rarely, if ever, a good idea for several reasons:
1. Verbal Revenge In A Relationship Never Makes You Feel Better – Just like any other revenge, you might think that it will make you feel better before you strike back, but once you do, you find that it just doesn’t. I have never heard anyone say: “I got my revenge, and I am so much happier now.” More often than not, a person who engages in any kind of revenge, feels guilty about it, realizing that they can do better, and should be above that type of behavior.
2. Verbal Revenge Never Solves Any Problems – Trying to verbally hurt the other person never brings you any closer to resolving your conflict or putting an end to a fight. If anything, it ignites a bigger fight and distances you further form each other than before, especially if during your fight you start bringing things up that are completely irrelevant to your current conflict or if you bring up problems from a distant past.
3. Revenge is a Sign of Weakness Revenge is a sign of personal weakness. When you are being vindictive, this means that you are unable to conquer your own anger and handle the situation constructively. Instead, you let it control your mind and your actions way more than you should. Sometimes showing this weakness is not a big deal. However, at other times, the consequences of inability to control yourself are quite severe. You say things that you don’t mean and you never would, had it not been for that “eye for an eye” reaction. That kind of revenge alone can turn a small argument to a much greater fight or a break-up with no way back, and often for no good reason.
Thus, before you strike your partner back, stop for a moment, and ask yourself whether it will accomplish anything good for you or for your relationship. The answer to this question might just make you reconsider and think of a better way to handle the situation.