Why Revenge In A Relationship is Not Worth It

revenge in a relationshipMany of us are often tempted to verbally hurt our partner back out of basic desire to get even, after he/she says or does something hurtful to us.  This often happens during arguments and fights, and it doesn’t matter whether the fight is over something significant or over something completely minor and stupid.  We choose to engage in that sort of verbal revenge in a relationship by saying things that we know are going to offend, insult, hurt or enrage our partner, just in order to strike back. The longer you are in a relationship the better you know how to push his or her buttons, and you will be “better” at this verbal revenge.  However, doing this is rarely, if ever, a good idea for several reasons:

1. Verbal Revenge In A Relationship Never Makes You Feel Better – Just like any other revenge, you might think that it will make you feel better before you strike back, but once you do, you find that it just doesn’t.  I have never heard anyone say: “I got my revenge, and I am so much happier now.”  More often than not, a person who engages in any kind of revenge, feels guilty about it, realizing that they can do better, and should be above that type of behavior.

2. Verbal Revenge Never Solves Any Problems  – Trying to verbally hurt the other person never brings you any closer to resolving your conflict or putting an end to a fight. If anything, it ignites a bigger fight and distances you further form each other than before, especially if during your fight you start bringing things up that are completely irrelevant to your current conflict or if you bring up problems from a distant past.

3. Revenge is a Sign of Weakness Revenge is a sign of personal weakness. When you are being vindictive, this means that you are unable to conquer your own anger and handle the situation constructively. Instead,  you let it control your mind and your actions way more than you should.  Sometimes showing this weakness is not a big deal. However, at other times, the consequences of inability to control yourself are quite severe.  You say things that you don’t mean and you never would, had it not been for that “eye for an eye” reaction. That kind of revenge alone can turn a small argument to a much greater fight or a break-up with no way back, and often for no good reason.

Thus, before you strike your partner back, stop for a moment, and ask yourself whether it will accomplish anything good for you or for your relationship. The answer to this question might just make you reconsider and think of a better way to handle the situation.

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Practical, effective dating tips and relationship advice.
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02/05/2016 5:17 am

They say we have to pick our battles.

02/05/2016 10:23 am
Reply to  StarsCollide

This is probably one of the most important things to remember. All kinds of people, groups and countries engage in so many fights that are simply not worth fighting, regardless of who comes out on top. Often, walking away from a fight and overcoming the feelings that urge one to fight is the biggest victory one can achieve.

02/05/2016 8:39 pm
Reply to  practicalh

You are right. People say if you do not fight, you are a coward but that’s what immature people say. I’ve seen it, and it doesn’t look good. It’s all over the place!

There are some battles we need to fight and stand up for. I don’t think I should them cite them all, but we all know those battles worth fighting for.

01/30/2014 4:16 pm

Sometimes, a guy just has to stick up for himself… no matter what.

02/04/2014 2:52 pm
Reply to  practicalh

This puts us in the same catch 22: if a guy stands up for himself, he's needlessly escalating…yet, if he does nothing, he's a wuss.

I'm not buying that. If I need to defend myself, I sure as hell will. If my GF wants to vent, let her go to her girlfriends. I will NOT be her punching bag!!!