Becoming a more attractive person is just as much about what you don’t do and don’t say as it is about what you do. One of the most effective ways to identify your possible flaws which is also a great way to motivate yourself to eliminate it is to observe others in action and notice the traits you don’t like about them while asking yourself whether you are saying or doing the same unattractive things that they do.
The reason that this strategy is so effective is because we humans naturally see others’ flaws much quicker and clearer than the very same of our own shortcomings. But if you take the time to consider whether you have the same flaws in your behavior or appearance, it will motivate you to eliminate them after you notice how bad the same negative qualities appear to you.
I remember years ago walking down the street and spitting on a sidewalk without giving it much thought, until I noticed a guy walk in front of me and spit near a trashcan instead of inside of it. I was disgusted. It wasn’t so much the fact that he missed the trashcan or the act of spitting itself, but my perception of its meaning of “I don’t care about you and others… I tread this place as my own garbage bin and I will spit wherever want.” I wasn’t able to spit in public since.
The other time I remember sitting at a coffee shop and eavesdropping on a conversation that a guy and a girl had who were obviously on a first date. The girl talked way too much and the guy’s questions and comments were as generic and boring as they can get. “Where are you from? What school did you go to? How many siblings do you have? Where do your parents live?” - these and other seemingly harmless but very boring biographical questions followed one after the other, as if the guy was filling out some kind of questionnaire. The girl was likely going to get bored without even knowing why the conversation so mundane and so stale to her. This was a great reminder to me of how unattractive excessive chattiness is and how important it is to not have a typical, run of the mill conversation on your first date (or any date for that matter). Some people are afraid of coming across as random during the conversation and going off on the tangent, but switching a topic of conversation can be quite refreshing, injecting a new breath of energy and hopefully humor into the interaction, that are paramount to develop attraction and romantic interest.
Or, imagine going out to a bar or a club and instead of simply watching people, ask yourself why is it that so many people give you initial negative impression, and a few others immediately strike you as different and more attractive than the rest. Why is it that some look too shy or insecure, others look snobbish and carry themselves like they are all that and are trying too hard? And why are there a few people who look like they don’t belong – who stand out as classy and more subtle and sophisticated than the rest? Is it their clothes? The look in their eyes? Their behavior and mannerisms? The fact that they are not as loud as others? Their smile? Perhaps they are more sober than others?
The above are just a few examples of easy, fun observations you can make when out and about, that can be very useful to your own self-improvement when you decide to make sure that you won’t exhibit the same traits and qualities that you find so unattractive in others.
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really, l liked it so much . I think your words are true and influential . I tried these experiences my self and you guess what it worked . it really worked . I began to look at others and try to iidentify myself through their attitudes and deeds .
Do I make the same mistakes?
I keep asking myself this question over and over, don’t you?
Just wanted to say this is a great advice, and Mr practicalhappiness.com, i really appreciate your observations and what you have to say. They ring true, and I am going to make a conscious effort to heed your advice, maybe life will change a little?!
Sarah