Becoming a more attractive person is just as much about what you don’t do and don’t say as it is about what you do and who you are. One of the most effective ways of identifying your potential flaws which is also a great way to motivate yourself to eliminate it is to observe others in action and notice the traits you don’t like about them while asking yourself whether you are saying or doing the same unattractive things that they do.
The reason that this strategy is so effective is because we humans naturally see others’ flaws much quicker and clearer than the very same of our own shortcomings. But if you take the time to consider whether you have the same flaws in your behavior or appearance, it will motivate you to eliminate them after you notice how bad the same negative qualities appear to you.
I remember years ago walking down the street and spitting on a sidewalk without giving it much thought, until I noticed a guy walk in front of me and spit near a trashcan instead of inside of it. I was disgusted. It wasn’t so much the fact that he missed the trashcan or the act of spitting itself, but my perception of its meaning of “I don’t care about you and others… I tread this place as my own garbage bin and I will spit wherever want.” I wasn’t able to spit in public since.
The other time I remember sitting at a coffee shop and eavesdropping on a conversation that a guy and a girl had who were obviously on a first date. The girl talked way too much and the guy’s questions and comments were as generic and boring as they can get. “Where are you from? What school did you go to? How many siblings do you have? Where do your parents live?” – these and other seemingly harmless but very boring biographical questions followed one after the other, as if the guy was filling out some kind of questionnaire. The girl was likely going to get bored without even knowing why the conversation so mundane and so stale to her. This was a great reminder to me of how unattractive excessive chattiness is and how important it is to not have a typical, run of the mill conversation on your first date (or any date for that matter). Some people are afraid of coming across as random during the conversation and going off on the tangent, but switching a topic of conversation can be quite refreshing, injecting a new breath of energy and hopefully humor into the interaction, that are paramount to develop attraction and romantic interest.
Or, imagine going out to a bar or a club and instead of simply watching people, ask yourself why is it that so many people give you initial negative impression, and a few others immediately strike you as different and more attractive than the rest. Why is it that some look too shy or insecure, while others look snobbish and carry themselves like they are all that and are trying too hard? And why are there a few people who look like they don’t belong – who stand out as classy and more subtle and sophisticated than the rest? Is it their clothes? The look in their eyes? Their behavior and mannerisms? The fact that they are not as loud as others? Their smile? Perhaps they are more sober than others? If these are some of the things you could work on, then do so without delay. Do you notice people’s punctuality and appreciate it? Then why not commit to showing up on time yourself?
The above are just a few examples of easy, fun observations you can make when you are out and about, that can be very useful to your own self-improvement, as you notice in others those qualities that you find in attractive that you could possible work on eliminating.