Here are five simple, practical and effective steps that every woman can take to become more attractive and desirable to men:
1. Lose Weight If You Need To
If you are overweight, stop doing what so many other people and specifically women do – stop asking the world and men to like you for who you are on the inside and not be so superficial. It won’t happen, because being superficial is in our nature. It’s not good or bad; it just is. Stop blaming others for being shallow and not seeing what’s inside of you. This is not going to change the men’s fundamental desire and drive toward a female who is physically attractive and who is not overweight. It is easy to listen to Oprah and Tyra Banks, and it’s easy blame men for being superficial, but it’s also pointless and will not improve your dating life. On the other hand, taking the more challenging and the more constructive path toward the issue by losing weight and toning your body will make you both – more physically attractive and more confident in yourself, which in turn will translate into an overall more attractive personality to the opposite sex. A fitter woman is a happier woman and happy energy is attractive to men (as long as it doesn’t turn into arrogance, of course).
2. Stop Talking So Damn Much
Few things are a bigger turn offs to guys at the very beginning of going out and dating than a woman who talks too much. If you speak 70% or more of the time when you are out with a guy, and if you engage in a three minute monologues or longer when he asks you a simple question, then the guy will get tired of your company very quickly, regardless of how smart, beautiful and funny you are. No guy will want to be around you for long if you talk too much, because a woman who talks too much is very tiring to be around – to both, her female friends and any guy she would go out with. This shouldn’t be hard for you to imagine or understand. You can probably think of someone who you think talks too much and how annoying and tiring you find that to be. Make sure you don’t have the same effect on others. Many of us don’t even realize that we talk too much. If you have friends who are known to be brutally honest, ask them openly whether they think you tend to talk too much. You might just learn something important about your behavior.
3. Respect Your Time and His and Don’t Be a Flake
If you are interested in seeing and getting to know a guy you recently met, be courteous and responsible. Act like a “professional” woman when it comes to your and his time. Don’t flake, don’t stand him up, don’t be late when you have a date, and if you can’t make it to a previously schedule date, let him know long enough in advance, and don’t leave him hanging. If he asks you on Tuesday to go out on Friday, don’t tell him “let me get back to you on Thursday evening”.
4. Don’t Be an Ultra Feminist
Believing in equality is a wonderful thing. But do not follow the path of those women, whose life objective is to challenge men at every opportunity and to overcompensate by trying to prove that they can be everything a man can and that their penis is just as large as any guy’s. The excessive “go-getter” attitude of a woman who is relentless in business and uncompromising in personal relationships intimidates the less experienced and the less confident men, and comes across as ridiculous to men who know better. One famous Russian writer said a few centuries ago that a woman’s greatest strength is in her weakness. There is much wisdom in those words.
5. Develop and Demonstrate Wit & Sense of Humor
Develop the ability to appreciate and “dish out” sarcasm and dark humor as this is one of the most attractive features of any person’s personality in the eyes of a successful, educated, confident guy. No guy enjoys the “Ahh, how dare you!” response to a dirty joke, as no attractive guy wants to find himself near a woman who is too uptight and narrow minded. So… develop your ability to appreciate dark humor and demonstrate that you “get it”. Sense of humor makes an average woman cute, and it also makes an attractive woman irresistible.
All 5 points apply to men, too, and in same-sex relationships. To change #4 for men: Don’t be an ultra-macho dude who has to prove his dominance, especially in front of other men. I don’t like the extremes of either “gender” role.
I’ve seen many overweight women in relationships. Some even actually get married.
Yeap, there is such a thing as excess feminism, and like many other kinds of excess it's not very pretty.
This article is kind of assholish. "Excess feminism". Really?
Not so much assholish, as true and to the point. Yes, really – excess feminism is one of the bigger and more alarming problems with gender dynamics.
That cant be the only thing people are hearing after all the geat insights al the focus is on weight?
This was a great post for what is reality, if you want a relationship then be realistic about what a man is looking for not what youre looking for!
Thanks. I guess that one of the points I wanted to make is that coming up with excuses about why being overweight is ok, might make a woman feel better for a short period of time, but it's not going to change how she is being perceived by men and her level of sex appeal to them, the improtance of which should not be underestimated.
loss of wight is not only going to help you attract a particular guy but is also going to help you look attractive and stunning to the rest of the world.Other wise thank you the articles.
Nice article. I am planning to lose some weight
I found these tips to be very helpful… At times I feel a bit clueless about a guys, so hearing a man's point of view is real eye opener… I'm 30 lbs away from my goal weight and I have been motivated to work real hard on my appearance… It's true if the type of guy I'm looking for is fit then I should be to… I think this will give me all the options I want along with helping boost some more confidence… Now let's not get it twisted… It's not that I can't get a man because I do… I'm a little over weight but still very beautiful… Inside and out… Just that with my weight lose I will have all the options that I want rather then SOME… I LOVED these tips and I am sticking to it 😉
Are people still shocked at number 1?
Seriously, at this point it's common sense that people want someone they are attracted to, and it's obvious that more people prefer normal weight over obese. Most women already know this, and if they're overweight it's because they want to be. If we're still telling people this stuff in 2011, then we're just talking to the ones who wouldn't make good partners in a relationship anyway. If a woman knows she can be more attractive to her potential or current husband/boyfriend by not eating extra calories and fatty foods, but chooses to do it anyway, then she'll always choose immediate satisfaction from food (and other things) over the relationship.
I’m with Susan on this one. “Be pretty, quiet and weak”? Did you just get chipped out of a glacier? If being in a relationship means that my main pastimes will be watching my figure, keeping my opinions to myself, acting helpless and laughing at his jokes…I think I’ll stay single. Or, just maybe there are some men out there that respect women and their accomplishments, and don’t just see women as just a mirror to reflect back how a man wants to see himself.
To Elizabeth:
Your comment assumes way more than the article says. Watching your figure would as beneficial to you personally or more as it would be to your being attractive to the opposite sex. I would never suggest to act helpless, and enjoying the company of a many who knows how to take charge is not the same. You surely don't have to laugh at jokes that are not funny or spend time with a man whose sense of humor, among other things, does appeal to you. None of what you suggest is even remotely implied in the above piece.
Wow, very surprised that "Learn to cook and clean and please" was not included.
Lose weight? No fat people are in happy relationships or marriages? Just thin ones. Like say, Halle Berry, it's worked out really well for that thin gal. Or the Olsen twins or say, any anorexic. Yes the key to all human happiness lies in appearance.
And don't talk ladies, Lord knows why God ever gave you a mouth at all.
Don't ever be offended at what he says, your opinions and values mean nothing in a relationship.
Okay ladies here's the truth:
Men are real people. Just like you.
Yes, they want someone attractive, but who doesn't? What real men want is someone they can relate to – and that's different for everyone. He's nervous, you're nervous. Admit it and share a laugh over your commonalities. My suggestion? Make a reasonable effort to look nice, respect the other person, respect yourself, let your defenses down and see if you can get to know this person and vice versa.
This list is from a perpetual Peter Pan; don't worry Wendy, let him go back to Neverland…
@Susan, I Love You Peter Pan!;)
Hi. I really enjoyed this article. I'm in the process of losing weight for me because I don't feel like "myself" with the extra weight. Plus, I do want to feel my best when I meet men. One thing that makes me nervous: I do talk a lot. I don't do it to be obnoxious, I just do and especially if I'm nervous or insecure. I wonder if this why I've had problems with men. I want to meet nice guys and find a relationship. Any advice on how I can work on this?
thanks for the insights. Weight only makes a difference to person who experiences it…losing a few pounds can help, or maybe losing more it all depends on the person. If a man is a few pounds heavier, and he is okay with it and has confidence, than to me that is a plus. It all goes back to the person and their confidence level
I have to somewhat disagree. As admirable as one's confidence while being overweight is, it will make that person physically less attractive to potential romantic partners. While healthy self esteem can go along way, that alone will not make an overweight person's body more attractive and desirable.
i love this the exact same list is what men can apply to their own lives to attract women. It reflects a person who is mature and confident, but not cocky.
Reality check, most men don't like overweight women, most women don't like overweight men. If want a guy who isn't a couch potato with an extra 50+ pounds then don't be that type of girl.
I don't believe the author is talking about an extra 5 – 10lbs on a gal but those who have let their physical maintenance go. Do you change the oil in your car, have a tune up done on it? The body is a physical vehicle that needs to be treated with respect for your own health, not just dating.
Both men and women need to do the same with their body – eat right most of the time, have the fun fatting stuff once in a while, and exercise. Otherwise, take a look in the mirror and go find your equal.
People need to be what they hope to attract physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. Like attracts like so get to it. 🙂
I couldn’t agree more. Great point about the fact that women prefer men who are in shape as well, even if that quality is not as critical in women’s eyes.
I recently came across this website and am so glad I did. Very helpful info here for me. I am a woman and am intrigued by some of the things I have learned about the opposite sex.
I REALLY like Mike’s response as well. While I agree that a man should like me for who I am and not what I look like he has very valid points.
I used to be slightly overweight and VERY self conscious because of it (lights off, covers pulled up and yes sometimes left a tee shirt on…you all know what I’m talking about).
I took the extra weight off, only 15lbs, for me not him, we were already broken up. I have so much confidence now! Not just about what I look like but inALL areas of my life. That’s what it’s all about…not to attract men but to feel confident. My health is better, my clothes fit better and since my confidence is no longer lacking I attract better quality people and believe in myself!
We are all initially attracted to the outside but that’s not what keeps us attracted to the opposite sex. Confidence, moral uprightness, a good heart and respect for the other person are the things that matter but there is nothing wrong with the pretty package it comes wrapped in. Not to mention how attractive it is when someone cares enough about themselves to WANT to take care of themselves and I’m not talking about narcisism I’m talking about respecting the body that God gave us.
Jayne,
Yes this was written by a male, and comes to you from his perspective. If you didn't want to know what we thought, why are you here?
Yes, lose the weight. Being thinner does not change WHO you are, but it makes you more attractive, ALWAYS. From your sense of self to our appreciation of you, everyone benefits.
No, feminism is not a crime. By all means, do the same job as me. Make the same wage as me. But for God's sake, let ME be the man in the relationship. I'm not pulling out your chair because you can't, I'm doing it because it's just plain good manners. When we're together on the sidewalk, I want to be betwen you and the traffic, not because you are too dumb not to wander into the road, but because I am showing that if anything bad happens, I want it to happento me first. That's part of being a man, not part of making you less than you can be.
I think it's a great follow up by mike. There is nothing wrong with being a powerful, independent, smart woman, but it's crucial to know how to demonstrate it and use it in a way that doesn't detract from a woman's femininity which is the most attractive element in a female from most men's perspective. We like those things about women which make them different from us – from soft voice, graceful gestures, and slower walk to expecting us to make the decisions and lead. That's what romance has been for generations.
Some women who have been oppressed and controlled by men in their past, jump into another extreme to prove to themselves how free they are, and they make it their mission to challenge the men in their life in any way possible. This hurts those women and their relationship more than anything else, and until they realize that showing off their muscles to a man is mostly destructive to love and romance, the vicious circles of short lived relationships will continue.
This article was clearly written by a male.
"lose excess weight?"
The fundamental drive for men is not necessarily physical attractiveness. That can mean a lot of things. Their fundamental and learned drive, might I had has been fueled by years of porn, playboy, models, and strip clubs. Please do not sit here and tell women they need to lose weight mean to fulfill men's desires of "physical attractiveness." Physical attractiveness that involves breast implants along with many other traits women cannot meet is not fundamental at all it's SUPERFICIAL.
Also feminism is not a crime. Women have the right to demand their rights. A man whose threatened by feminism clearly doesn't have respect for women or their rights.
Losing excess weight will benefit a woman much more than anyone else around her. From health and self esteem to having more choices with and attention from men. Being more toned and healthy of course doesn’t call for breast implants. Physical attractiveness might be superficial but it’s part of who we are – it’s part of our nature. Some people like to deny that the looks matter to them, but that’s only because they pay attention to other things. A typical man might pay attention to a woman’s legs, behind, breasts, while a woman would generally notice the eyes, body language, style, and behavior. Still – these things are all first and foremost visual.
Jayne, you assume way more than the article talks about. There is no mention of breast implants or porn. The article talks about natural beauty. Some women have more of it while others have less. It’s both very natural and primal and superficial. But guess what – we are all superficial, including you. We all have our physical preferences, and some of those preferences are more universal than others.