I am always looking for deeper reasons behind dating issues, because what’s underneath seems to be so much more significant than the superficial “I should / should not have said or done this or that”. The repeating issues in communication between people on dating apps are not an exception. The reason that most of these converstions die, where people simply disappear or unmatch each other, is not becuase one of them said something wrong or didn’t say enough to keep the conversation going. Those are just the symptoms of the two much fundamental causes behind this behavior:
1. Most single people today live in the matrix of cynicism that dictates their communication.
A typical dating app user has chatted with hundreds of people and has gone on so many pointless dates within a few months of using any such app, no to mention all those hwo have been swiping for years. He or she is jaded, frustrated and irritated with the opposite sex in general due to feeling like so much time was wasted on pointless conversations and dates. Therefore, this type of emotionally fatigued, charged up with anger user is just looking for any reason, however, petty, to get out of an interaction as early as possible, just to try to avoid wasting more time. Every interaction that doesn’t go anywhere makes him more and more impatient, while the excitement about meeting new people has almost completely faded. This is why you see so many “hey”s and “how is your dasy going”s. People are simply tired and hopeless and they don’t eveen bother to put much effort into that first message or the first response. This was very different when people just started using dating apps and before they came mentally exhausted of this whole process.
2. People have forgotten what connection and chemistry are.
This especially applies to the younger generation, who have no idea what it means to lock eyes with someone while your hear trate jumps well over a hundred, to start an awkward conversation with a stranger, then having that first, awkward phone call, but most importantly – focusing on each other and being obssessed with each other day and night without swiping left and right at the same time.
Younger people don’t know and older people seem to have forgotten how to say something in person or online that would generate an interest and spark up a conversation that goes beyond pleasantries and overused cliches. “How is your weekend going” isn’t going to cut it, especially with women who are being flooded with these types of messages. It almost feels like people should take a mandatory class on what it means to have an interesting conversation, flirt and escalate romantically and sexually, before they go out and try to meet people and talk to them.
The good news is that there is a huge opportunity to stand out and not be like everyone else. Many people might not care and not notice it, but the right once surely will, and many of them will compliment you on that.