One of the reasons for all kinds of misunderstandings and even conflict between people is assuming – assuming something that wasn’t actually said. Some of us assume more often than others, but we all tend to “hear” things that have never been said or meant by the other person. Consider a typical situation where one friend compliments the other on losing weight, to only hear in response: “Did you think I was fat before?” Or, consider a guy who is walking with a girl and comments on another woman’s appearance “She looks nice.” The girl he is with, however, hears much more than that. She hears “I find her attractive, I would be with her if I could, and … I am likely to cheat on you if I meet someone like her” and possibly other things.
In part, such assumptions are justified because of most women’s prior disappointments in men who did walk away from them chasing another woman (or a number of other women). Guys assume just as often or even more often than women. Guys analyze and over-analyze a woman’s words, especially if they like her and want to avoid making mistakes that sabotage their interaction with a woman they would like to get to know better and date.
Assumptions are just as damaging in live conversations as they are in the online dating world. Many guys don’t bother to write to a woman just because her profile contains certain words statements that might seem harmless to a woman but the ones that say a lot of “wrong” things to the male reader. We can’t change the fact that others assume, and we often can’t help but make (unfounded) assumptions ourselves, but certain assumptions that put us in an undesirable light can be easily avoided.
Here are some of the most common statements that you should consider keeping out of your personal ad or online dating profile when meeting men online:
1. “I am independent” – while some guys might be intimidated by this statement, and you are better off staying away from them anyway, to many guys this statement means much more than it does to you – it means that a woman is likely to lack femininity, to be too aggressive, business oriented and confrontational. She will be hard to get along on a social and romantic level. Independence is something you show through your life and your actions. There is no need to point that out in your dating profile because it doesn’t flatter you. Like many other qualities, independence is something you show through your actions; not something you talk about. Independence should be part of your lifestyle and not so much part of your speech.
2. “I am bubbly and happy go lucky.” – a serious guy will read into those words something like “I am stupid, light headed, and suffer from attention deficit disorder. I can’t handle a serious conversation and I run away from problems” whether it’s true or not.
3. “I am as comfortable going out as I am staying in;” “I like to work hard and play hard,” “I live each day as if it was the last day of my life;” “I like to have fun;” “Sometimes I wear jeans and t-shirt and sometimes I like to dress up;” “I don’t like drama” – all these statements and more are cliche, grossly overused, and communicate to most perceptive guys who are selective about women that you are just another girl who doesn’t have anything “real” to say. Even saying things like “I am busy” or “I like to laugh and have fun” doesn’t add anything to your profile. Who isn’t busy? And who doesn’t like to laugh?
4. “My ideal first date is skydiving, wake boarding, going on a trip to Alaska…” Let’s get real. It’s great to be active and adventurous, but you certainly don’t want to come across as “Indiana Jones” to the reader of your dating profile. Are you really going to go on an adventure with a guy on your very first date. Many guys will assume that you are a desperate adrenaline junkie who is trying to escape her problems by running away from them and that you are not someone who they can potentially date, or that you are someone who is trying to impress the reader by showing how active you are.
5. “I have a 2-year-old child and he means the world to me. He is my first priority and if you are not ok with this, move on…” – some women begin their profiles with statements like this (coupled with 10 photos of their child). A typical guy reading this will assume that a woman is completely consumed with her child and she is unavailable emotionally or otherwise for meeting guys and dating. The question is, then – why is she on this site anyway? There is no reason to rub it in your reader’s nose that you have child at the very beginning of your profile and announce to the whole world that your kid is the most important part of your life. It’s great to be honest, but remember why you are on that dating site – you are writing your profile with a purpose – to meet men for dating and possibly having a relationship. Mention that you have a child somewhere in the middle of your page without putting too much emphasis on it. It is understandable that you, like the vast majority of other mothers, care very much about your child and that your kid is a big part of your life.
6. “I love to laugh, eat at different restaurants and travel“. This is another cliche. Everyone likes to laugh, eat different foods and travel to interesting places. There is no need to state something so obvious in your profile and sound just like thousands of other people.
7. Lastly, make sure that your page doesn’t start with some kind defensive statement, such as “My friends made me do this.” or “I don’t expect to find love on this site” or “I can’t believe my life degraded to a point where I have to do this” “If you are looking for sex… skip this page.” Defensive statements suggest to most readers that you have been scarred by recent or not so recent past and you are still not over it. You are still angry at your ex or the opposite sex in general and you are likely to take it on your next dating partner. Obviously, you do not want to create this kind of impression in a reader’s mind.
If you have already decided put the effort into writing a profile and posting your photos, why not make it right and put your best foot forward without putting anything that suggests unnecessary negativity on your part.
Writing a great online dating profile which is thought provoking to the right reader and the one that attracts those men who you want to talk to and meet is not only about what you write but also what you keep out of it. Excluding the above four kinds of statements from your profile alone can be a great first step toward making your profile stand out from the rest and attracting the attention of the right reader.
