Why Men Do Not Approach You

flirting-street-pick-upLately, I have been hearing from quite a few single women that guys are not aggressive enough and that they do not approach the¬†women they seem to be interested in meeting and that all they do is stare. After speaking with them briefly about this issue, it became very clear to me why this is the case. These women expect guys to do all the “work.” They don’t want to give the men they are interested in or might be interested in any signal of interest whatsoever, fearing that this would make them look needy or desperate or that it would be otherwise inappropriate. These women¬†don’t realize that many, if not most, “normal” single¬†men will not approach a woman if they don’t sense some kind of invitation from a woman that she is available and she would like to be approached by a guy. This doesn’t mean that you have to waive at him to come over and talk to you, but some kind of subtle gesture of attention from you, such as clear eye contact and a friendlier and a longer¬†than usual smile can go a long way toward initiating an interaction, and making a difference between having a guy just stare at you and not daring to approach you and having all the confidence he needs to come up and talk to you.

To know why it is important to give the guy an invitation, you have to understand a typical male psychology. When a guy is thinking about approaching a woman and he notices that she looks and acts like she is not interested in being talked to or approached by anyone, this is discouraging to him. A simple smile and an eye contact can and often do go a long way toward giving many guys that little confidence that they need in order to approach and start talking to a woman. This is true in just about any situation.

Making eye contact and smiling at a guy does not make you needy or desperate. It only makes you look friendly and approachable ¬†– exactly the way you want to look if you are interested in having more guys approach you and start talking to you. This might sound like the oldest and the most basic advice, but it’s still as important as it ever has been. You cannot expect a guy approach you if disconnect yourself from the world by headphones and sunglasses (or both at the same time). There is simply no way around it – your eye contact is the most primal and the most essential element of meeting people. And, even though acting stuck up might make you feel like you are cool, it makes you virtually unapproachable to most civilized men.

If you found this article useful, make sure to check out our dating guide for women for more practical, effective tips on improving all aspects of your dating life and interactions with men.

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Practical, effective dating tips and relationship advice.
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RaceIsOpen
RaceIsOpen
6 years ago

The subtle stuff that women have used for years, is why….thousands upon thousands are single. The fact is, woman can’t take rejection and feel, just because of their looks and what they have between their legs…everything is suppose to be their way. Thousands are finding out, that is playing out and now the culture is calling for women to step up.

John
John
7 years ago

I don't believe things are changing much. In fact, the sunglasses, cellphones and headphones have disconnected women even more. Warren Farrell wrote that the women's movement has done little to dent women's reluctance to approach men. At heart, men see women as reluctant tigers. A man will have more success outside of Northern Europe and Northern America. Environment makes a difference.

RaceIsOpen
RaceIsOpen
6 years ago
Reply to  John

Agree!!

dave
dave
8 years ago

Ms. Wingwoman – Or … someone has to tell WOMEN that nobody is keeping score on how many times you get shot down from asking men out so they should stop acting like it's the end of the world.Sound familiar? Or you just like double standards.

wingwoman
wingwoman
8 years ago

The ONLY MEN who will approach you are PLAYERS and PSYCHO’S THAT HAVE NO CONSCIOUS (can take constant rejection and just not care).

Married men,jerks,etc it's true. That's what the problem is. Woman are told if the guy doesn't make the effort he's just not that into you. Basically everyone tells us not to be aggressive by approaching and putting in so much we scare dudes off. Someone needs to tell men we reject them because we figured out most of the dudes who approach only want sex anyway. Nobody is keeping score how many times you get shot down for causal sex ,dates etc so stop acting like it's the end of the world.

My only sympathies are for shy people of both genders who have trouble approaching people. To everyone else stop being lazy and catastrophicfying being rejected. It doesn't feel good but it's just one person who doesn't want what you're offering.

dave
dave
9 years ago

"R" – I thought that this "game" was headed that way.

You look back and recall that our dads taught us to be respectful and helpful to women, and open doors, etc., ( not because they were weak or inferior, but that it was the right thing to do) and we looked forward to being good husbands and dads until we saw the way that WE were

treated. You cannot say these things out loud or dare to disagree with the pickup artists or you will be branded a loser. Good luck!

R
R
9 years ago

Wow Ashleyn, you tried it once and it didn’t work, well whoopty effen do ! Here is the reason that most guys will not approach. Women are stuck up bitches who treat men like dirt. Any guy who has been on Online Dating knows that it is almost impossible to get any response from a woman. Send out 10 msgs, 20, 50, 100, 1000. Most women don’t even bother to respond and those that do have lied about pretty much everything on their profile. Or are drug addicts, prostitutes, scammers, or just plain crazy. Ashleyn did once and quit, guys get rejected 5,000 times before they just plain give up. Yeah, I guess we are stupid but we are the ones expected to approach so like fools we keep doing it. Until we can’t take it anymore of course, which is what we are talking about here.

Most guys will attempt a face to face approach a few times but usually the self confidence is so in the toilet that it only takes a few rejections before they quit that too. Women have so poisoned the dating situation for men that it has come down to this. LADIES: if you want to meet a decent guy then YOU WILL HAVE TO APPROACH because if you wait to be approached by someone you want to meet, it will never happen. The ONLY MEN who will approach you are PLAYERS and PSYCHO’S THAT HAVE NO CONSCIOUS (can take constant rejection and just not care). Does that make sense? The only men who approach you are the ones you probably are not interested in anyway. So if you want to meet someone decent then YOU will have to get off your ass and start approaching. You will find that its not much fun. No, actually its horrible. All the feminists wanted equality. Well, you got it.

RaceIsOpen
RaceIsOpen
6 years ago
Reply to  R

You are right!

dave
dave
9 years ago

@practicalhappiness.com, – You mentioned that women did not want to "approach" because it would make them look "needy and desperate" (line number 16). That means that if women want men to approach them , then it is all right for men to get to feel needy and desperate.

ashleyn90
ashleyn90
9 years ago

This did not work for me and I tried this once. There was a guy who I thought liked me. I am in college and there is a student lounge. I had put in 1950’s Harvey with James Stewart. The guy that I use to like and who I thought liked me had came over right as I had sit down after getting all my stuff. As he sit down we made eye contact and I had smiled at him. He just went an started talking to my friend’s ex bf. When I said something relevant to the conversation, he looks at me then goes back to talking the guy. I then decided that he did not have any interest in me and I moved on. How he acted felt kind of cold.

dave
dave
9 years ago

Oh, I get it! It is O.K. for men to feel needy and desperate , but the women do not want to have to feel that way, or be rejected? Oh, i get it!