I am not the biggest fan of being a “challenge” when it comes to dating, at least not as it is presented by some sources of dating advice. These are the blogs and books that suggest that making yourself unavailable, taking longer than you normally would to return e-mails and phone call, etc., would actually increase the attraction and the romantic interest of your dating partner. However, one response seems to be practically a part of our nature. We seem to lose romantic interest in our dating partner if he/she is too nice, too accommodating, tries to please us and tries to be the kindest and the most giving person to us.
Most of us will remember people who were very clear about being interested in us shortly after they met us. However, that obvious interest often leads us to making those people second priority. Consciously or not, we started believing that since our big admirer is there for us and available all the time anyway, there is no reason to pursue them. You may be doing your absolute best in a relationship as far as being giving, honest and generous, and then you will be shocked to find out that your relationship partner is losing interest in you and wants out. This doesn’t make any sense to you on a surface, as you expect your partner to appreciate and give you as much back as you give to them. But love and romantic attraction is not business! It does not work like business, and you cannot expect the same reciprocity and fairness.
It is essential that you understand and remember that there is a fundamental difference between being nice, kind, and giving and being attractive and desirable. To maintain your partner’s interest, you must consistently exercise certain qualities that make you attractive as an individual – your independence, your own lifestyle and your personal choices when it comes to basic things that define your identity, and your own opinions.
This means that being too nice is often a major turn-off, especially to women. It is not only ok, but it is even healthy to disagree with your partner and even argue once in a while. It’s a good idea to honestly confront your partner about things that you are not happy about in your relationship or in his/her behavior instead of blindly accepting everything about him/her. It’s actually healthy for your relationship to be a little selfish and look out for your own needs, interests, and goals. After all, if you don’t love and respect yourself, why would your partner appreciate you? This of course doesn’t mean that you have to turn into one of those stubborn people who insist on always being right no matter what just for the sake and who disagree just in order to challenge their partner. It’s not about fighting pointless fights about petty things such as what to have for dinner or which movie to watch, but a healthy debate about things that really matter might just inject new life and energy into your interaction and bring you close together.
It’s also good idea for you to go out and do things at your spare time without the company of your partner. Some people believe that being in love and caring for each other means that you have to spend as much time as possible together. However, as the video below suggests, space is actually essential to maintaining a healthy loving relationship.
Gteat post!
I just love it when someone says "don't give up" when it comes to approaching and meeting women.
Does that mean that someone has to keep banging his head against the wall in perpetuity? For something that's not likely to happen?
Of course, there are no guarantees in any of this. However, what exactly does one say to that person who does bang his head against the wall forever only to have absolutely nothing to show for it?
As a fairly attractive, independent woman I agree with you. I know that I like it when a man has his own life going on and yet I’m not into the “ed Hardy type” at all, but I do like confidence and being your own person. I’m shy actually and I’m often not observing my surroundings sometimes so I miss possible meetups so the guy has to casually, purposefully find a way to bring me down to earth and let me know that he exists and is into me.
I agree, I'm a one fine lady who feels intimidated or threatened whenever a good-looking guy notices me.. But it's just during first few times, don't give up.. Do something then when we ladies feel that you're not what we think you are like a scary specie then we would be more accommodating to meet you.. Guys, don't be deceived with our "snobbish" strategy, we just wanna know how tough you can be! 🙂 but don't overdo the approach, it's a big no no to sound so boastful… Just keep your cool, and we'll surely love your confidence and wit! 🙂 have fun!!!
Hello, Elle. That’s a very interesting comment. I realize that you can’t speak on behalf of other women, but do you believe that most women put a conscious effort into looking unapproachable in order to filter out the guys who can’t pass that?
Well I think that if a girl looks away or is hesitatant to make eye contact, it’s for one of two reasons. Either she just isn’t interested, or 2) it might be about HER; she might have problems interacting with guys or other people in general, and engaging with people on a personal level. Some people are just not confident or secure enough with themselves to have meaningful interactions, in which case there’s really nothing you can do. Perhaps they feel threatened by someone confident, attractive, interested and interestING; maybe the girls you approached simply feel intimidated, in which case the real issue is their sense of self-worth, and has nothing to do with you. Or they could just be stuck-up.
Thank you really really much for these guesses. I use to consider snobbish and mad about popular high school boys, a lot of girls. But it is very dangerous: I could be too much influenced by the fact that I was not a popular high school boy. This belief could make me build barriers against girls who probably are just a little more complicated to pick up. I should be really careful. I have a theory that I would like to investigate: with this kind of girl it is necessary to begin the interaction with a low level of interest (the more casual the approach seems, the better); and probably we should decrease her supposed value with a bit of teasing. If I was English, I could explain these considerations better. The girls that we are discussing about are well dressed, beautiful and avoid eye contact with males (probably because If they were too much sociable, these guys would immediately bother them). I don't know if a super-muscle-man strong approach could be the perfect one. What is your opinion about my previous considerations?
I don't think there is such a thing as a perfect approach. It really depends on who you are. What works for one guy might completely not work for the other. Besides learning, there is no way to figure out the best approach for you except by trial and error. I personally believe that a girl who looks 8 and has great personality and how is not stuck up is so much better than someone who looks 10 and is a pain in the —.
Good question! I don’t think a guy should bother approaching a girl who is truly stuck up and snobbish. Why would you? I realize that she could be extremely attractive, but wouldn’t it be better to go after those who are just as attractive or comparably attractive but not snobbish?
Often, girls who are shy are mistaken for being snobbish, but if that’s not the case, why even try?
Hello.
In your opinion, what is the best way to approach a snobbish girl and interact with her?
This is the kind of girl that turns her head left when she has a casual eye contact with you, and who thinks she can have every man she wants.
The fact is that a lot of super sexy girls have this kind of behavior. Probably, however, they are, as for their character, better than they seem.
But I am frustrated, because my fear of rejection and my pride stop me from trying to approach these girls. I frequently see these girls with boys who are not so fascinating, not so beautiful… so, there would be a manner! In your opinion, what is the reason why this guys are considered attractive by these "snobbish" girls? I am a beautiful and quite attractive boy, and it is very difficult to accept that a girl turns her head left when I have eye contact with her!
Great question, and the one I haven’t yet found an answer to. I think women are in a better position to answer this question. There is a funny website called http://www.hotchickswithdouchebags.com which mocks all the guys who are super lame on more than one level and poses the question why they get all these beautiful women. I have a few guesses, but I don’t know if any of them are correct:
1. These guys are more aggressive and they actually make a move more often than guys who are more reserved and are generally more attractive on the inside.
2. These guys put themselves in places/industry where these women are – fitness, fashion, UFC, baseball/football, and even porn industry. These are the guys who run strip clubs and exotic dance clubs too.
3. These are the guys who are popular in high school / college and some girls hold on to the idea that the most popular frat boys remain the most attractive men even when they are out of school. This is what actually one of the women told me who admitted that she likes guys with huge muscles, tattoos, Ed Hardy shirts, extra gel in their hair, jewelry and other accessories that make a “normal” woman laugh at a guy and roll her eyes.