Does Calling Yourself an “Independent Woman” Flatter You?

independent-woman-online-dating-profileWe humans are far from perfect and far from being perfectly logical. Our perception, rather than objective facts, determine our responses to what we hear and see. This applies to dating and specifically – to online dating – as much as to anything else. Just ask yourself  – when a guy tells you that he is “between jobs” – what do you generally assume without knowing any more about his work situation? I bet you are thinking that his job or financial situation isn’t that great, or that he is lazy or lacking in ambition, or that he is otherwise financially unstable in some way. But, that’s just your assumption. For all you know, he could be a highly skilled engineer or an accountant who quit a job because he didn’t like it, received a handsome severance, and is now trying to choose between a number of attractive job offers that he already has on the table.

Browse through women’s dating profiles on any dating site and you will notice that so many of them refer to themselves as “independent” among other things.

There are at least two major reason why you should remove that word from your dating profile:

The first reason is very simple – it’s way too cliche and overused. Every other girls says she is independent in her profile. Like any other cliche, this one doesn’t add anything unique or interesting to your profile, but it only makes it blend in with all the others.

The second reason – did you ever ask yourself what men actually assume when they see the term “independent” in a profile?

Many women think that guys like to hear that a woman is independent. However, most of the time that’s not the case. The problem is that men and women attribute a very different meaning to this word. When a woman says that she is independent, she wants to say that she is professionally accomplished, she can provide for herself, and she is not looking for a guy to pay her bills. However, when guys see hear independent, they are very likely to assume negative things about that woman – that she is too business oriented and will always put her love life on a back burner because her career is her life, she is too masculine or way too feminist, she will never let him be the man in a relationship by challenging him all too often in order to prove that he can’t control her, she will be way too aggressive and way to hard to get along with, etc.  A guy is especially likely to assume all that if he is actually met one or two women like that.  Whether it’s fair to assume all of these things just because a girl says that she is independent is another question. What matters is the bottom line – these assumptions are made.

Like with other important qualities, if you want to send a message to the men you meet that you are an independent woman in a way that’s flattering to you and actually makes you more attractive rather than scaring them away, don’t bring it up in your dating profile. Save it for later. You will have plenty of opportunities to demonstrate how independent you are to the guys you meet later. When a man meets you, he is not concerned about having to pay your bills. He is more concerned about your physical appearance, sex appeal and your personality/sense of humor. Being independent has no value to the men you meet if you don’t have the beauty, the sex appeal and the personality they are looking for. This doesn’t mean that you have to put your sexuality on display, but it does mean that staying in your profile:

“I have been told I have a warm heart, a talent for listening and empathizing, and off the chart cooking skills” is much better than

“My career is very important to me and I plan to become the CEO of the company where I work at right now. If you are lucky, I will pencil you into my very busy schedule.”

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About practicalh

Practical, effective dating tips and relationship advice.
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Jen
Jen
6 years ago

I am a girl, and I think the main reason women say they are independent in order to send a message that they are not expecting guys to pay for them and also that they are not needy or depend on men for validation. one would hope that this makes a woman more attractive, except for those guys who are way too insecure to deal with a woman like that.

practicalh
6 years ago
Reply to  Jen

I imagine this to be true in many cases. However, being dependent in some way makes a woman appear more feminine and desirable. It’s ok to be a little dependent, a little soft and a little weak. These qualities are perceived as negative by so many women in today’s, but if they deserve more credit when appear at the right time and in the right place.

Mickey
Mickey
6 years ago
Reply to  Jen

Yeah? If that were true, what explains the zillion lawsuits instigated by these so-called “independent”, self-supporting women who end up taking guys for all they’re worth anyway?

Nick
Nick
6 years ago

Great posting. I am so tired of seeing the same “independent” crap in every profile. Do women really copy each other’s profiles or it’s some kind of rare coincidence that they all describe themselves that way?

practicalh
6 years ago
Reply to  Nick

Interesting question. I would imagine that many, if not most, women take a look at a few profiles of other women for “inspiration” and mild plagiarism.