What’s Behind Boring Conversations on Dates
There are at least three major reasons why so many people complain that their conversations on dates or even while texting before their first dates, are devoid of any substance, let alone any type of intriguing flirting that would generate at least some romantic curiosity and further interest to get to know each other. Each reason reinforces the other two, which makes the whole issue harder to solve.
- Lack of experience and education about what it takes to create attraction. When you mindlessly swipe year after year, you rarely take the time to actually learn how to develop interesting conversations and how to escalate them into something more than just a friendly talk. Time spent online isn’t used to experiment out there in person, to make the mistakes that need to be made in order to learn and improve, and to come to important realizations about what it takes to generate and maintain interest on a date. Developing these skills is similar to any other important skill – it takes years of practice and trial and error. When you are lacking this experience, you don’t even realize why your “hey” and “how is your day going?” chats don’t go anywhere time after time.
2. Chronic Dating fatigue. All other things being equal – you can’t possibly be as excited about your 26th date this year from Hinge / Bumble as you would be if this were your second or even first date this year, which you had to work so much harder to make happen by having to approach and meet people in real life in person. That type of excitement meant way higher stakes. You cared much more about where your conversation was going with each person you met because if it failed, it could take you months of going out and trying to approach before you had another date, if you were lucky. Therefore, you would take the time to think about what to write and who to write with a purpose – to come across as interesting and develop that conversation into something that would generate enough interest to make that date happen. Today – what do you care about any one exchange? If it fails, you can just continue chatting with the other people you matched with on an app. And, if you have already accepted this reality that there is 95% chance that your conversation isn’t going anywhere anyway based on past experiences on dating apps, then why would you even try?
3. The culture of persisting political correctness. When you feel like you have to walk on eggshells when you are speaking with someone new, avoiding any topic that’s remotely controversial, the chances of getting stuck in the safe small talk zone are way higher. And, this is hardly conducive to builing mental and physical connection. Also, a younger guy who offended his previous three dates with his less than mainstream, acceptable opinions is going to be extra, extra careful on his next date – so careful, that he wouldn’t even dare to show much of his personality. And, what if his next date is with someone who is much more tolerant and open minded, and she is interested in seeing his true personality? What if the same woman finds a very pc behavior to be a major turn off? She is going to be penalized by dealing with a more bland version of the same guy, just because he adjusted his true behavior because of all those other women he was meeting lately.
Lack of skill and experience, dating fatigue, and pc culture are major obstacles toward having interesting conversations full of humor and banter, like they used to be.
