Are You Pushing Guys Away By Being Unapproachable?

unapproachable girl in San FranciscoAs I am walking down the street downtown San Francisco, I look at the men and the women around me. Both look extremely unapproachable; especially the females. They say that looking unattainable and unapproachable is in style these days, and it has been the way to be for quite a while. It is supposed to add to your perceived value and image. After all, if you act like you are some kind of celebrity who is trying to stay away from the limelight, maybe others will think that you are all that too.

As I look at the people’s faces and their body language, I am trying to translate their behavior into words. What kind of energy do they radiate? What does their body and face say besides “I am busy, stressed out by my job and I have 100 more things to do today”?¬† Do they themselves realize how unapproachable they look?

Do you have any idea how your facial expressions, your having sunglasses on when you don’t really need them, and wearing headphones and having your eyes glued to your smartphone 24/7 make the guys around perceive you? I assure¬†you that it says anything other than “I am warm, friendly woman who doesn’t mind being approached by a guy who wants to¬†meet me and talk me”.¬† If you are in fact single and are interesting in meeting more and better men, you should make sure that you don’t create unnecessary obstacles between you and the men around you, like so many other women do. It’s hard enough for men to approach and talk to women as it is. It always has been. It’s part of our or nature and it’s part of male experience. It takes a great degree of confidence to be able to make a more and approach a girl – not at a bar when everyone is drunk or at a house party where you are supposed to be talking to everyone anyway, but in the more casual and naturally more awkward situations. By doing so many things to make yourself look even more unapproachable, you are eliminating any chance of having any guy trying to talk to you and meet you. This dramatically reduces the chance of you meeting more and better men in your day-to-day life.

Many women love to say – “But I am not at (insert location) to meet guys. I am just hear to shop/work our/read/work, etc”. This is a self-defeating mindset. Waiting to go to a specific place¬†on Thursday/Fri/Sat night at 10 pm, where you think it’s appropriate to meet guys, dramatically limits your chances of meeting¬†men.¬†It also¬†sets you up¬†for weekend after weekend of disappointments in and frustration with only talking to drunk guys in bars and clubs.

If you feel like you are not meeting enough quality men, you must change the energy you radiate every day and every minute of the day. Surely you can’t be expected to look happy and friendly 100% of the time. No one is. However, changing your overall demeanor when you are out and about will go a long way toward making you stand out from most other women and making it more likely that the right kind of guys will come up to yo and strike up a conversation with you.

And for more useful dating tips for women, check out “What You Wish You Knew About Men“.


You may also like

About practicalh

Practical, effective dating tips and relationship advice.
Bookmark the permalink.


  1. "And after a break up or divorce, women are in most cases better off. They can start an active dating and sex life soon after divorce. Its so common to see single freshly divorced moms having sexual relationships with good looking men. Meanwhile most divorced men have no one but prostitutes to turn to. Its all about “options’ and women have more of them." – this seems to be very true, even though immediate rebound and having sex right after the break up doesn't really serve women's emotional needs. Of course, many guys experience the opposite when breaking up – they often find themselves in a sexual drought after being out of practice approaching, talking and flirting with women.

  2. Basically women can “date up” but they have to “marry down,” and men will “date down” but will only “marry up”. Men realize this from a young age because to get sex we have to drop our standards. It often takes women a lot longer to realize that in order to get married she will eventually have to “marry down” (settle) or stay single. The longer she waits, the older she gets and the more she will have to compromise.

    That’s why women find dating so difficult.

    If your parents were both 6s, your mother could have spent her 20s hooking up with 8s – but your father couldn’t have. Young women days often do that these days. However, when these women reach their late 20s / 30s they will have to drop back down to dating 6s if they want to secure commitment. This process is difficult to accept because after 10 years of hooking-up with 8s she will have to realize that in fact she was only a 6 the whole time (the same applies for 5s hooking up with 7s, 4s with 6s etc). Truly hypergamous women never realize/accept it and so they keep getting dumped, or stay single.

    “Settling” isn’t the best term to use because it sounds depressing. Perhaps we should say “realignment of priorities?”

    I also agree with you on the idea of a soul-mate. I don’t believe in “the one” as such, rather “the timing” – people who just happen to be looking for the same thing at the same time, and then they meet each other.

    And this is why women going for someone out of her league has much more impact on the sexual market than a man doing so. She'll get laid and he won't.

    Women generally get more dating options even after accounting for the degenerates, criminals and creeps (read unattractive men) and having more options moulds you into different people, whether you like to accept or not. Having more options makes you selective. At the very least it gives you some validation. It makes you less desperate. It gives you a better idea of what kind of men are best for you because you have the privilege to date so many people. Most men just get down on their knees and flip out a ring for the 1st or 2nd woman who show mild interest in them. Most guys simply arent selective and dont have the long checklists because they never get so many options.

    And after a break up or divorce, women are in most cases better off. They can start an active dating and sex life soon after divorce. Its so common to see single freshly divorced moms having sexual relationships with good looking men. Meanwhile most divorced men have no one but prostitutes to turn to. Its all about "options' and women have more of them.

    Women rarely experience sexual rejection. So even when a man isnt interested in committing, it at least validates her as a sexual desirable being. Atleast he found her attractive enough to have sex and share intimacy with. This reminds me of the fact that women never get friend-zoned. Its always a Friend-with-Benefit zone. It is so much better than simply being limited and confined to a non sexual being by the object of your affection/crush.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.