Commitment in a Relationship – Be Honest with Yourself Before You Commit

commitment and committing for the right reasonsI don’t know a whole lot about George Clooney besides the fact that he is a great actor and a good looking guy, who ages better than just about anyone else on TV, and the fact that he remained single for a very long time. I don’t know why he chose to be single throughout his thirties and fourties and whether he had any commitment¬†issues before getting married. However, I do have a lot of respect for¬†that choice that he mad. Unlike many other movie stars and artists who get a lot of media attention and publicity, Clooney did not seem to marry ¬†because he was supposed to do or he was expected to do. He doesn’t get married or settle down because¬†that’s what a man is supposed to be doing¬†at his age and stage of life. If he is not ready to settle – if he doesn’t feel like it’s the right time or the right thing for him to do, for whatever reason, he is not going to do it.

Some people judge¬†Clooney for having remained a bachelor all the way¬†into his forties. But would it be better if he forced himself into commitment and then was unhappy as a result? Would it serve anyone’s interests if he started cheating on his wife, because of all the other “options” he had and wasn’t quite ready to give up? Would it be better if he continued marrying and divorcing time after time like Donald Trump and a few other known and influential men do?¬†If Clooney recognized that he did not want or was not ready to marry for all those years, and he refused to force himself into it, all the more power to him for being so refreshingly honest with himself and with the world about who he is and what he wants.

Our personal and dating goals are very different and they also change and evolve like just about everything else in our lives – our career interests, hobbies, and taste in food. What you want today might be very different from what you will want tomorrow, but imposing something upon yourself that you believe you should want today, when in fact you actually don’t want it, will definitely bring more pain than joy – to you and to the person who you would “commit”.

Some women would be eager to ask – “But what if I am not sure if I want a committed relationship, and then I wait too long, get too old, and at that point – no guy wants me?”¬† – That’s a valid question. However, it seems that a far more common problem among single women who are in their¬†mid thirties through late forties is not that they don’t know if they want to commit. They are pretty sure they do.¬†The¬†actual¬†challenge for most women who are eager to settle down¬†is¬†finding the right guy. The difficulty in making this happen¬†can¬†be caused by all kinds¬†of reasons, but one of the more common¬†ones is having unreasonably high standards, or, ironically, being unable to commit due to having too many choices with men.

Women who settle down too soon or commit to the guy for the wrong reasons or at the wrong stage in their life, because they “have to” or because their parents or friends¬†said it’s time for them to settle down,¬†are bound to be unhappy and will resent themselves and their partner. There is no reason to rush into commitment or into marriage if you are not sure if you are ready for it. Whether you are a conservative / traditional woman or whether you are very modern and liberal – commitment before you are ready to commit and with someone who you aren’t so sure about is the wrong way to go. No matter under how much pressure you are to marry and settle down from the society, your parents and your friends, that pressure should never be the deciding factor in who to commit and when.

Communicating to the guy you are with that the fact that you are not ready to commit yet doesn’t mean that you don’t want to be with him, or you don’t love him, is critical to having the time you need to make the right commitment decision at the right time. It will also¬†help you make¬†sure that¬†the right guy doesn’t slip away if you end up deciding that¬†you are, in fact, ready to commit to him.

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9 years ago

This is so true. In the end, if you aren’t completely satisfied with who you are settling down with (and you aren’t ready), it’s just cheating or break up waiting to happen. I think there is a stigma about being single (or without kids) once you your mid- 30’s, but in the end, everyone has to do what’s best for themselves.

But you can never truly know what someone is going through. Clooney does seem like the perfect man to many women, and maybe it’s the fame, lack of commitment, being too busy, etc. But keep in mind, maybe being a bachelor isn’t his choice and it’s a deep personal flaw that keeps him from having a long term relationship.

I once saw a woman who was almost 40 (drop dead gorgeous, she looked 25). She had no kids, a booming career, her own place and a great personality, but she also immediately struck my intuition (somehow) as a woman who is intentionally single. If it werent for the assuring fact that she was 18 years older than me, I would have felt way below her league.

Needless to say, I did look at her facebook page and her About Me was a long giant rant about her being single, followed by a laundry list about men, drama and bullshit. And I thought to myself: Wow, maybe there is a REASON she is single. She could be nuerotic. Lol.

I’m going off on a tangent here, but still, important to think about.