Holding Out on Sex The Right Way and For the Right Reasons

holding out on sexThis posting is a response to the article about the benefits of holding out on sex when meeting a guy.

The article opens with a common scenario:

“So you’ve been talking to him for couple weeks, you’ve had a few sleepovers, and he COULD have asked for sex, but he didn’t. Yeah, you fooled around, but you didn’t quite have sex. That makes him a good guy, right?”   – Not necessarily. A typical, healthy straight guy will try very, very hard to have sex with you if he stays overnight, and if he finds you sexually attractive and desirable.  In fact, it should be alarming to you if he doesn’t, as this would be mean on of the few following things: either he has a low sex drive, or he doesn’t find you all that attractive and sexy, or he is having so much sex with other girls out there, that he really doesn’t care to wait to sleep with you, because he has so many other options.

On the same note, if you invite a guy to sleep over, you should be ready to have sex with him. If you are not ready for physical intimacy, there is no reason for him to stay over at your place or for you to spend the night at his place unless both of you are under 15 years old. Any woman who has the most basic understanding of male nature and sexuality follows this unwritten rule and knows that sleeping together without “sleeping” together is a bad idea.
Later, the author observes:

“But in all honesty, men don’t initially think, “I see myself dating her for a really long time, marrying her, having children and a home with a white picket fence.” They see sex. They figure out how they are going to get it, until they actually get it. Yeah, some stick around after. But some don’t. And this is why: easy access sex.”  – However, “easy access sex” is not the reason. Something much more fundamental is involved here that goes far beyond easy access sex – human and male nature. Guys see sex when they look at an attractive woman regardless of how easy or difficult it is to access sex in any given culture or environment. This is what we, men, have been programmed to do and see when we look at an attractive woman.

“A man interested in you, and interested in getting to know you, won’t mind the wait, and more specifically, he won’t mind the effort.”   – This is a very important point. Waiting can be important, and it’s critical how you ask the guy to wait. If you make it sound like you are testing him, or making it sound like your body is a candy that he needs to earn with good behavior, spending money and time, chances are he will move on, as so many of us, guys, resent the idea of being tested that way.

If, however, you ask him to wait nicely and you explain to him that this is not about playing games or testing him but about making your first sexual encounter more meaningful (at least to you) and the fact that you want it to be special, a guy who really likes you will be flattered and far more inclined to be on the same page with you, if he indeed is interested in getting to know you.

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About practicalh

Practical, effective dating tips and relationship advice.
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