Do You Think You Have a Type?

girl flirting with two guysI often hear women say after they meet a guy: “He is not my type.” Then, they proceed to describe exactly what they are looking for in their perfect dating partner as well as mentioning their absolute deal-breakers. I then like to direct their attention on thinking about one or more guys that they used to really like in their recent or not so recent past and ask them whether those guys matched the “type” they think they like. And the answer is usually “no.”

However, my extensive observations show that many, if not, most women end up dating, falling in love with and forming lasting relationships with people who not only don’t fit their “type,” but who are often in many ways opposite from what these women said they were looking for. And this isn’t surprising to anybody who understands and remembers that attraction depends on so much more than the sum of qualities that any person has.  Feeling sexual and intellectual attraction, having chemistry and falling in love with someone depends on so much more than having that other person meet certain criteria that we believe must be filled before we fall in love. The best proof of this phenomenon is the fact that sometimes we meet someone who is totally our type – he meets all of our requirements  and seems to be a total package, and yet we don’t experience any of those romantic feelings and emotions that we often describe as “chemistry.” Some of us like to say that the reason we are not attracted to these perfect people is because perfect is boring. There must be some truth to that, but beyond being boring – how much we are attracted to someone and want to be around someone depends on so many things that cannot be quantified through education, style, bank accounts, hair color, height, etc. There will probably always be a factor in determining why we are attracted to some people and not to others that we will never fully understand, and that’s in large part what makes attraction and desire to special and so magical.

Even purely physical requirements aren’t really as important for most of us as we think. I have seen too many guys who would “only go for blondes” to only end up falling for a brunette. I have also seen many women who have a strong preference for tall guys to end up in a great relationship with a man of their height or even shorter. Physical beauty comes in all colors and shapes.

Ironically, most of us do not know ourselves well enough to know exactly what we find attractive and unattractive, even though we might think we have figured it all out. Sometimes we are attracted to someone or find someone unattractive for reasons that are beyond our understanding. And, perhaps it was meant to be and stay that way. When it comes to love, passion, and attraction not everything can or should be rationally explained.

So, do you think you have figured out the exact “type” of a man that you are looking to meet and date? If so, think again. The range of guys you might potentially be attracted to is probably much larger than you think. You just have to make sure that you give yourself and those guys around you a fair chance to get to know you and show you who they really are before you decide whether they are your type.

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About practicalh

Practical, effective dating tips and relationship advice.
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