Q: “I recently met a girl who seems to be perfect for me in so many ways and I really feel like she is one of a kind. The problem is that not so long ago she went through a really bad break up and got hurt pretty badly. What do you suggest I do differently to attract her, date her, etc?” – Patrick 24.
There are two main things you need to keep in mind:
First, resist the urge to voluntarily bring up her previous relationship and break-up and psycho-analyze it. You don’t want her mind to linger in the past more than it already does, and talking about her emotional issues with her is not going to make you even one bit more attractive to her, no matter how compassionate you are. Many dating advice sources say that discuss a girl’s issue with her will send you straight to a friends zone, and I have to agree with this. That’s what friends do – talking about their issues, and once you put on that hat, it’s going to be hard to remove it and switch to a hat of a lover. This doesn’t mean that you have to be insensitive or not listen to those problems. Just don’t bring that up yourself and don’t be the initiating those types of conversations. And when you have to listen and respond to whatever she mentions about her ex or her break-up, try to subtly switch the topic sooner than later.
The second thing you need to keep in mind is that you will most likely have to move slower with getting to know her and getting closer to her physically than you otherwise would. She has been hurt and she is now naturally much more skeptical of men. But because of her recent break-up, you are sort-of presumed guilty until proven innocent. Assuming that she is ready to date again, you should not be rushing her, and you should be less aggressive with her than you otherwise would. You should be ready for her to be less trusting and more jealous, especially if her recent break-up was due to being cheated on. And if she has jealousy issues, makes sure she reason about overcoming jealousy in a relationship.
And if you turn out to be special to each other, these obstacles are not insurmountable and with time, the effects of break-up will fade, but that will not happen overnight.