Does Acting Self-Absorbed Make Women Run Away From You?

self-absorbed-guy-turn-offLast night I met with an old female friend who I used to work together. As we were catching up, she started telling me all about her many recent dating experiences. Being in her early 40’s and attractive, she had a very active dating life, meeting and going out with different guys in San Francisco.

As we were talking about how she manages talking to and going out on so many dates, I asked her whether the dates start feeling repetitive, and whether she is tired of being asked the same cliche questions, such as “What do you do?” etc. Her response was surprising. She told me that she actually likes when the guy asks her what she does for a living. This is because, according to her, just about every guy she meets and goes out with acts completely self-absorbed and only talks about himself. Therefore, she finds it actually refreshing when the guy shows any interest in her life, who she is an what she does for a living. Her friends’ experience is the same. All of them  complain that the guys they meet are full of themselves, love to talk about how accomplished and educated they are, and they otherwise act like they are God’s gift to women. This kind of arrogant demeanor is an instant turn-off to women, and ironically – the more attractive the guy is, the bigger issue him being self-absorbed is.

It should be so easy for you to avoid ever coming across to women as self-absorbed. Just have a simple rule. Don’t volunteer information about yourself when you meet a woman or on your first/second date. Instead, talk about her or about other things that have nothing to do with you or with her, such as recent events, or a book you are reading, or a movie that just came out. Anything is better than discussing your wonderful qualities and accomplishments. And if you are interested in the girl you are talking to, talking about her should be quite natural for you.  And if she asks you something about yourself, either playfully brush it off or give her a brief, general answer, and then go back to talking about things other than yourself, so that she never think of you as self-absorbed.

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Practical, effective dating tips and relationship advice.
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9 years ago

This is indeed a huge turn-off, but as a girl, I also know that women are equally guilty of talking about themselves too much, especially the ones who have accomplished something. They would talk a guy's year of and then will be surprised why he doesn't ask them out again.