We all have stereotypes about all kinds of things, and dating is not an exception. A woman starts stereotyping as early as after being approached by two guys at a bar. If both of them were drunk and used lame pick-up lines on her, she is probably going to assume that all the guys in that club are the same way and it’s not even worth talking to the next guy who would approach her and would try to meet her – no matter who that guy is, because he is probably no different. Similarly, many women give up on online dating after seeing a few lame male profiles or receiving bad messages from men, as they assume that the rest of the men are no better based on those few experiences. We logically understand that our experience with some people doesn’t way all that much about all the many others out there, but why do we let our stereotypes about dating guide our choices and behavior when it comes to our love life? Well, naturally because it makes our life easier or at least easier to understand, as it makes us believe that we know better how the world around us operates and we can apply the rules we create in our head about dating to our future choices in partners. We like being able to explain and rationalize certain things and events in terms causal connections – “if this happens, that must follow” or “this is the reason why it’s that way.” This applies to our dating experiences and romantic relationships as much as to anything else. Among many other stereotypes, we like to associate certain races and professions with specific behaviors due to these known stereotypes. Even though sometimes people live up to the known stereotypes from our own experience, and that’s why these stereotypes exist in the first place, there are always many exceptions to every such generalization, and it’s very important to remember this, so that you are not mislead by your own preconceived opinions about people, and you aren’t missing out on meeting and connecting with great people just because the stereotypes in your head suggest that you should not be even talking to them in the first place.
Not every doctor has a god complex and not every doctor is in it just for the money or the status. Many physicians are in the medical field because they genuinely care about people, want to save or at least improve lives, and are not arrogant. On the other hand, not all nurses and social workers are nurturing and compassionate, although we would surely like them to be. Some are just not that way. Not all lawyers are greedy, argumentative. combative, and untrustworthy. Some are very honest, ethical, ideological and even humble. Not all black men are well hung, and not all black women are hot tempered. Not all Asian women are subservient. Not all white women are uppity and have entitlement mentality. Not all Italian or Spanish men are great lovers. Not all South American women are sexy and sensual. Not all Jewish men are short and cheap, and not all Jewish women are high maintenance. These are just some of the stereotypes out there that are simply not always true.
If you run into one person who defies the stereotype you have about the same group of people to whom he or she belongs to, it means that there are many more exceptions out there, and it would be a pity if your own stereotypes prevented you from seeing the people you meet in a more objective light and allowing both yourself and them to find out who they are as individuals before you categorize them into one or more of the stereotypes.
One of the better way to look at a new person you meet is to try to forget all the stereotypes and assume the best about him/her until and unless proven otherwise, even if you have had bad experiences before. These bad experiences should make you cautious but not pessimistic about your future dating life. If you keep your mind open that way about the new people you meet, you are much more likely to form a more reliable and correct impression of who they are.
these stereotypes can certainly hurt you at first, but if you are part of a race or group that is stereotyped, you really stand out by being the complete opposite.
for example, my friend, an asian man, is expected to be overly humble, nerdy, geeky, awkward, shy, and socially inept, because of male asian stereotypes. but since he is very extroverted outgoing, and it makes a huge difference.
myself? being italian. people are surprised that i'm not like the people on jersey shore. being good at something when expectations are low is better than being good at something when expectations are high, which is the challenge of "positive" stereotypes.
yeah, i'm rambling but the point is instead of seeing it as a barrier to dating, see it as a way to contrast yourself.
@ student and teacher
Great point! If you can defy some of the stereotypes through your behavior, it’s going to be all the more impressive. I think being a Jewish man, I almost subconsciously tend to be more generous at tipping in restaurants and other ways to combat the stereotype that jewish people are stingy. Unfortunately, I have seen that stereotype to be true with regard to many jewish guys all too often. 😉