Have you ever had a marketing person call you or e-mail you, introduce a certain product to you and intending to follow up with you to “close” the sale? Was he the one calling five times a day with or without leaving a message to check on whether you have made the decision to buy whatever he was selling. Did his calls become more and more annoying every time you saw that number with a weird area code pop up on your phone screen? What about the string of e-mails and newsletter? Were you tempted at one point to just tell him to leave you alone once and for all, but didn’t feel like dealing with it, so you just kept ignoring him? Did you wonder whether it has actually occurred to him that you would have probably been more likely to buy that product or service, if the marketer wasn’t so overly persistent and pushy? What about the commercials before some of the online (youtube) videos. Do most of them, except the very entertaining ones, annoy you because they prevent you from seeing what you really want to see.
The answers to most of the above questions are quite obvious to most, if not all, men, and yet so many of us act exactly like these annoying marketers with the women we like, and especially with the ones we really like. Instead of making sending one text or calling and leaving a message, we keep pushing. Another call, another follow-up text. We check her Facebook profile for activity, Twitter updates, and if there is anything new on Instagram. Before you know it, you become an official stalkers.
To help you stop this kind of behavior you need to understand and remember that there are very few reasons why a woman you just met would not return your call: either (1) she is too busy (unlikely, as most people instinctively find the time to do the things they want and talk to people they like; or (2) she has poor time management or phone skills; or (3) she changed her mind and is not really interested in you; (4) she met someone else or is currently involved with someone else. Regardless of which of the above reasons applies to any given woman you met, she is not the one for you, and you should leave it at that. It might be frustrating to expect something wonderful when you meet someone to only get disappointment when you can’t even get her on the phone, but that’s part of life, part of dating for both sexes.
In fact, there is a great benefit in finding out that someone is not interested or is flaky as early as that first or second unreturned phone call or text message, and any such discovery at a later stage, such as her not showing up to see you on a date or disappear on you later, would be more painful. And of course, this brings you back to the “dating pool” quicker to allow you to look for and find a better and a more responsive person for you.
I would like to point out something about why a woman doesn't call or text you back…if you are dating a woman with a busy life, she may actually be busy. I can't always call or text during the day due to my job, so it's sometimes several hours before i can return a text. It doesn't mean I'm not thinking of him. I am unavailable or very busy. Don't discount this possibility women in their 30's and 40's especially. We are busy people.
If she NEVER calls or texts back then she is not interested. But give her a full 24 hours before you text again asking if she's ok. Stuff happens. I had to be in the ICU with a family member for 3 days where cell phones weren't permitted. I managed to duck out after 2 days to return texts but it does happen.
I totally understand. I wasn’t of course talking about a few hour delay. I meant not hearing back for days or not hearing back at all.
beautifully put
Thanks.
My brother was the one who recommended this website to me. I’ve read almost everything I could about attraction and dating, but there’s not much on here about building a relationship. Apart from a few bits on fighting and dealing with breakups. What happens after the first phone call, first/second dates, and so on? Or is this just a website for pickup artists cleverly disguised as revolutionary relationship advice? It seems counter-intuitive to keep a person’s attention with sarcasm, intrigue, and reading a person’s thoughts by watching what they do. It seems to me that after time the other person will tire of the banter. What if after a few months you don’t know where you stand with the person you’ve been seeing regularly? Let’s just say, you’ve tried to find out but the other person answers round about? I’ve been dating someone for several months and I can’t figure out what exactly we are. There’s chemistry and attraction but I am not about to assume where we are going. Yet, I’d like to know. I’m afraid if I divulge too much I will scare them away. I like where we are at, and if things don’t progress, I’m ok with that too. But it would be nice to know so I can know how to act. Am I wrong for wanting to know after several months? How do I ask the right way since the other person is uncomfortable with the topic?
Hello, Jem. Thanks for your feedback. I appreciate the idea to elaborate on the relationships topic. Is there anything specific that you would like me to write about or make videos? I am thinking about writing an article on money between partners in the relationship and how to handle those uncomfortable money issues.
Well for starters, I guess how do you jump from dating to becoming exclusive? Of course there's no definite timeline but aren't there signs that point to a person the time is right to move to the next stage? It would be nice if you could point to us common folk what are the green lights for go ahead and the red flags for when to call it quits and to move on. A sort of tour guide through the crazy world of starting, building, maintaining, and ending relationships.
Thanks. I will follow your valuable advise and focus on writing more articles and making more videos on relationship issues. Here is my most recent article: https://www.practicalhappiness.com/relationship-and-money-issues/
I agree with what you have written. In my own experience, if I am interested in a guy, I don't mind him calling and texting me. If he is checking my FaceBook profile, or other things online I have no clue that he is though. He is showing interest and being interested in someone is perhaps one of the highest compliments we can give someone. However, it does creep me out when a guy I am not interested in persistently calls and texts, especially when I have told him I am not interested. Somehow they seem to be more interested in me because of my lack of interest. Sometimes strange things do end up happening in a person's life and coincidentally it happens right after meeting them for the first time. I guess if they are interested they would let us know what's going on, instead of leaving us "hanging." Instead of focusing on the flaky, uninterested people, who are hard to get a hold of, etc. there are those prospects who aren't flaky, return calls, we can get them on the phone and they are interesting to talk to, also their communication etiquette is considerate and respectful. Anyway, probably talking to myself here, I should probably pay more attention to these guys =).