During this past year, as I was helping guys with their online dating efforts, I noticed how many of them are turned off by the same words that they see in women’s dating profiles over and over, especially here in the San Francisco area. All of these red flags in women’s dating profiles seem to have one thing in common – they suggest in so many ways that the women who are behind them will be really hard to actually get a hold of and meet, let alone develop any kind of meaningful relationship because they are so focused on their work and careers. Here are these seemingly innocuous words that prove to be major red flags:
- career oriented
- extremely ambitious
- my career is very important to me
- my job is very demanding, but I love every minute of it
Why do these types of comments are problem to the men who see them?
It’s because men are already frustrated with the chronic flaking that they have been experiencing when meeting women who are not even all that busy. Women routinely disappear on them before they even get to meet in person, or cancel dates on a short notice for no good reason, or are otherwise not being responsive by phone and e-mail by taking days to reply to a simple text or return a phone call. When guys read “career oriented” or “workaholic”, they immediately think of those times when they had to deal with the women who take takes to respond to text messages, and setting up a date with whom is a task worth hiring help for.
Generally, the guys today do not really want to put that much effort into someone they don’t even know yet, regardless of what their intentions are. If the guy just wants to find a one-nighter or to make a friend with benefits, there is no incentive for him to work so hard to meet a woman – the pool of women is large enough not to get stuck on any one of them for too long.
And if the guy is looking for a serious relationship or even a lifetime partner to settle with, he surely wants the woman he is talking to, to be available and responsive before anything else, so the result will be the same – he will lose interest in a woman who is too busy and too unavailable very quickly.
So, if you are truly obsessed with your career and trapped in the type of job that leaves very little or no time and mental space for dating and love, then you probably shouldn’t be wasting your time or other people’s time making it look like you are available when you are not, and you should wait with this till your schedule changes and allows you to communicate with and meet men. However, if you do have time for dating today, then you should remove those red flags from your dating profile, so that you don’t discourage men from contacting you. There are plenty of other ways to show that you are intelligent, strong and independent woman, without suggesting that being squeezed into your schedule for a date is a privilege that is almost impossible to earn.