One common mistake that couples in relationships make is believing that their marriage will “smoothen out” any differences between them that they have had before their wedding. The idea, consciously or subconsciously, is that once you are forced into formally being together, you will work those little differences out one way or the other. But you cannot simply assume that. In reality, small problems that are not resolved prior to marriage, are bound to turn into bigger issues and cause more problems in the future, leading to more serious arguments, fights, and even divorce. Therefore, it is really worth either working your issues our before marriage, or – holding off on tying the knot until you work out those differences, and your establish a track record of having a relationship healthy enough to be ready to marry that person, if at all.
Here are some random, typical examples:
Suppose you are in love with the girl and you think she is the one, except she seems to have temper, or she is a reckless spender that simply doesn’t care about budget. And let’s say she promised to you several times not to explode or to watch her temper and her credit card debt, but she keeps breaking those promises. At this point, you should ask yourself – can you accept the way she is with these qualities or these are non-negotiable deal breakers for you. If the latter is correct, you cannot expect her to fix those issues just because you will marry her, and things that bother you in her now will only irritate you more as time goes by and as you have to deal with them more and more.
Or, what if you a woman who thinks she found Mr. Right, except he is very controlling and everything has to be his way. You talk to him several times and try to remind him that you are your own human being who has her own thoughts, opinions and ideas. He seems to get it, yet he keeps acting like your word doesn’t count at all. Do you think this will change once you marry him? No, it will only get worse and you will have to deal with his controlling nature in so many more ways – from choose where and how to live to the smallest things, like how to decorate your house, what to wear, etc.
You should not be marrying each other until you are able to work out the “little” issues between the two of you that are not that little to either or both of you and that cause friction today. More often than not, unresolved little problems while dating become bigger problems in a marriage and have a the cumulative effect of become more taxing on that relationship or even unbearable.