Do Men Really Like Chasing Women?

chasing womenAlmost every popular dating advice book for women out there says that men like chasing women, and that guys chase the women they really like, want to go out with and date. These books urge women to make themselves deliberately less available and play hard to get in just about every way, so that the guy is forced to prove himself and his interest by pursuing them. Some of these books could be textbooks to playing games, and taking the well known dating concept of challenge way too far.

But is it true? Do men really enjoy chasing¬†the women they are interested in?¬†I believe that like with the question of whether being a feminist makes a woman more attractive, the answer to this question depends on what one understands “chasing” to mean.

The Wrong Kind of Chasing Women

If the guy has to chase a woman he is interested in because she is not showing¬†much interest in him, not returning phone calls, e-mails or text messages from him for several days because she is “busy”, making it very hard for¬†the guy to make a date with her or cancelling dates with short notice while expecting the guy to chase her in order to reschedule¬†– this is the kind of chasing that most guys would want to avoid, especially the ones who are attractive and confident, and who have options of dating other women who are potentially punctual and easier to connect with. Like the women who everyone wants, these attractive¬†guys don’t want to settle for someone who is a pain to deal with. They don’t want to be with a woman who is that much work to have a basic communication with, and where they feel like they are putting way too much effort and energy into a woman who they don’t even know all that well.

I am not sure why these dating books suggest to women to play so hard to get with the guys that they don’t even know.¬†The idea of making the guy who barely knows you chase you and jump through the hoops¬†in order to talk to you or go out with you sounds¬†ridiculous. Also, making guys chase you and prove himself to you doesn’t mean that once you are together, he is going to be more loving or loyal to you. Some suggest that guys appreciate the women they invest more effort into, but I am not sure at all whether there is a correlation there. ¬†If the guy realizes that he doesn’t want to be with you at some point, he is not going to stick around just because he made more phone calls and spend more money on going out with you before sleeping with you. Although playing hard to get might filter some guys who are only interested in sex or a one night stand, it is by no means a sure way to land a long-term relationship with a loyal and faithful partner. On the contrary, expecting guys to chase you and playing too hard to get may discourage a great guy from being with you, because he he wants to be respected and appreciated as well, and he doesn’t want to deal with communication issues.

The Right Kind of Chasing Women

If, on the other hand, chasing from your perspective means that you are not acting desperate and overly eager Р if this means that you are not telling the guy how much you like him an hour after you met him, and you making sure that you have enough information about who he is before you express any kind of opinion to him about what you think of him, then this kind of attitude can really benefit you.  You should definitely expect your time to be respected by not allowing the guy to ask you out with a two-hour notice, like you were some kind of emergency roadside assistance, not sleeping with the guy on a first date, and allowing at least some emotional and intellectual intimacy to develop between the two of you before you have sex. This kind of subtle chasing will make you appear as a more attractive woman.

When you create this kind of right dynamic between yourself and the guy you are interested in, you are more likely to find out sooner than later whether the guy you set your eye on is the one for you to date and potentially have a relationship with. You will have a better opportunity to know whether he  is a flake or he can actually appreciate and reciprocate your responsible and courteous ways.

Chasing¬†women can be fun to any guy but only if it’s the right kind of chasing – the kind of chasing that involves mutual respect and fun courtship, rather than playing games and creating unnecessary obstacles on purpose.

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Practical, effective dating tips and relationship advice.
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  1. I would not call it mind games from a woman’s point of view. But there are limits when it gets too much, it is a turn off for men.

  2. “Male makeup is men’s titles, status and paying for dates. Makeup is what both sexes use to bridge the gap between the power they have and the power they’d like to have. Both male and female makeup are compensations for feelings of powerlessness." – Warren Farrell

  3. As Ed McMahon would say, "YOU ARE CORRECT, SIR!"

  4. Mr. Mickey- Mr. Azahari is trying to play the game that is full of double standards and hypocrisy.Men are not entitled to have the woman approach and "guarantee" her interest; women want it the other way.

  5. @NajlaAzahari :

    Why did you go in the first place???

  6. A woman I met through a peanosrls' column insisted that I come to meet her rather than postpone our date, despite a hurricane that had shut down virtually the whole of Long Island. Somehow, I got there (40 mile drive in total darkness, with trees and power lines downed across all the roads), and somehow we found a restaurant that 1) had power, 2) wasn't jammed to the rafters, and 3) still had food to serve. She spent the next ninety minutes gorging herself on shrimp-stuffed lobster tails, washing it down with Manhattans, and berating me about my "lack of commitment."Yes, I picked up the check. No, we didn't go on a second date. She wanted to, though.

  7. Speaking only for myself, the chase really isn't worth it when it never produces any positive results. As I've debated with Arkady in more than one post, I'm convinced well into my middle age that most women cannot be bothered with guys.

    I'm convinced more than ever that women (almost) automatically stonewall attempts from men to approach women. Thus, I for one refuse to do any chasing when the majority of women are so open in their antipathy towards men.

    A woman I had a similar discussion with in another forum actually suggested when it comes to dating this is a world of opportunity, not scarcity.

    Really? Could'a fooled me!!!

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