At one point or another, a single educated, professional woman will ask herself – are men attracted to women who are strong, independent, successful, ambitious and career-oriented? Of course, different men are attracted to different kinds of women. However, several observations about the men’s attitude toward those kinds of women can be made:
Some guys are not confident/secure enough to be around and feel comfortable dating successful, intelligent women. You might meet a great guy who will turn bitter / jealous at your success and will feel less than you when being around you simply because you drive a nicer car than he does, live in a nicer house, make more money than he does, and are generally accustomed to a more expensive lifestyle. Usually, guys experience that kind of insecurity because they don’t think they have anything of value to offer to a woman.
But, there are also other men – the men who know that what a woman wants and needs from the opposite sex cannot be purchased, regardless of how much money she makes or how much he makes. A successful, professional woman, who can provide a comfortable lifestyle for herself, has the same need for male support and companionship on many other levels. She is not looking to be supported financially. She is likely looking for a great, interesting, funny, confident guy with whom she has sexual and intellectual chemistry, and as long as that guy can support himself and not be a burden on her shoulders, his finances are not an issue – at least not until they become more serious. It is only fair that a woman wouldn’t want to be in a role of taking care of a guy she is dating, and it’s just as fair to expect that a man’s pride would prevent him from being that guy who actually wants to be supported by a girl.
A quality, smart, interesting guy, who is confident and knows that what he has to offer is of great value to a great woman. He won’t be intimidated or in any way threatened by a smart woman, who does well for herself. That great guy with a strong self-esteem who understands women and their romantic needs on the most fundamental level is well aware of the fact that it’s not money, status or expensive toys or other items that make a man attractive to a woman, but it’s who he is as a person – his character, thoughts, goals, opinions, lifestyle and life choices that make him so desirable! As long as that guy is not just sitting around on the couch all day and doing nothing, he is not concerned about having less money than the girl he is dating or not being able to afford the most expensive shoes or a fancy dinner to impress her.
Further, it’s very important how a woman shows her success, and how it affects her. Sadly, career accomplishments often affect a woman’s behavior and suppress that which makes her most attractive – her femininity. The become arrogant and develop sense of entitlement – two of the most unattractive qualities in women and in humans in general. A woman who is on a power trip and who tries to prove that she has as much testosterone in her blood as any guy does is not attractive even to the most confident guy. Guys don’t want to compete with the women they are romantically and sexually interested in. A strong, confident man is drawn to the most feminine qualities in a woman and their manifestations. Thus, your behavior, mannerisms, voice and general demeanor are quite important to your being an attractive and desirable woman to men. In other words – a common “in-your-face” attitude that many professional women develop is repulsive to most masculine men. Telling a guy that you are not interested in having kids or spend any time in the kitchen will hardly earn you any bonus points with a guy who is serious about finding a romantic, long-term partner. You don’t have to be demur or subservient on one hand, but going to the other extreme hurts your value as a romantic partner much more.
Many guys who seem to be intimidated by a strong woman are actually only intimidated by the wrong ways that her strength is demonstrated or used. Remember – you can be both smart and humble, strong and feminine, tough and lady-like, demanding respect and being sexually open. If you learn how to combine those qualities instead of sacrificing the feminine for the sake of having other qualities, you will be much more attractive to the opposite sex or at least to those men who have the capacity to appreciate it and who are worth your time, attention, energy, and emotions. In other words, if you are a successful woman, but you don’t show it too much and don’t let it overshadow you femininity, it will make you so much more attractive and desirable to men.
Unfortunately, those generalizations about successful, career oriented women is true way too often. This will give those women who can combine professional successful with remaining softer and more feminine a special edge in many guys' eyes.
I really hate you.
“Telling a guy that you are not interested in having kids or spend any time in the kitchen will hardly earn you any points with a guy who is serious about finding a romantic partner”
Shouldnt women be honest upfront and dissolve any preconceived notions that men have about them staying at home to cook meals for them like some kind of servant? I really hate your sense of entitlement that the most important thing a woman is able to do for a man should be the ability to bear his kids or make his meals. What about sharing the financial burden? Paying half the mortgage? You stupid self-entitled idiot. Yes im calling names, but be glad im not using expletives.
” Your behavior, mannerisms, voice and general demeanor are quite important to your being an attractive and desirable woman to the opposite sex”
Oh so being softly spoken, demure and unassertive is the way to go? What are women, objects used to validate your masculinity that yes you earn more / know better than women?
” In other words – a typical “in-your-face” attitude that many professional women often acquire is repelling to most men, and so is complete abandonment of traditional values.”
And what is wrong with this so called in-your-face attitude? Your words “repelling to most men” and “complete abandonment of traditional value” seems to suggest you are a narrow-minded bigot who is so insecure that even though women can know better / are smarter than men, they must not assert it so that you can feel better about yourself? Whereas you seem to be happy and completely fine with coming across as more aggressive and assertive towards women etc.
I think you need to open up your narrow world and stop being threatened by women like me who can speak up and cut you down. And it is the biggest insult ever that you are essentially calling me undesirable and useless as a woman because I have a sharp tongue or I can argue with you until your head spins. Just because I’m assertive, confident and dominant does not mean I should change my ways to better increase my chances of finding a partner. It is YOU that needs to change. If you think smart, assertive women are stronger but should hide it and come across as something they are not, then deep down you know they are stronger than you. Why should the strong change to cater to the weak? You fix yourself, or get a dumb unopinionated mate. But I pity you, because you would never know what it is like to have a woman that you can trust to help you fix your mess, to stand by your side in battle and hold up half the fort, to understand the difficulties and corporate challenges you face and provide you with strength like no other.
P.S. I dont have high hopes for you though because you probably have no idea what I’m talking about if you’re writing about women like this. Battle? Fort? I am referring to relationships in the high-end political or corporate sector. If you are a common man earning less than six figures, go figure. haha.
@ Angela
Thanks for your feedback, and I am sorry that you hate me. I think you are making quite a few far-reaching assumptions about what I wrote, and you take it way too far, while I didn’t intend to make it so. I am not going to be able to address every point you bring up, but just to illustrate:
* A woman should be upfront about what she wants, but she needs to know that certain things turn most men off. Saying that you are not interested in kids, cooking, etc… is one of them. Should you tell the truth? Absolutely. But that will not change the fact that most guys who are looking for a serious relationship are looking for a woman who can and who ideally enjoys doing that “traditional” stuff.
* I never said that a woman needs to be demure and unassertive. I only said that how you act and how you behave makes you more or less attractive. If you choose to be “assertive” and “in your face”, it’s totally fine and it might help you accomplish a lot on Wall Street and elsewhere, but you are also going to turn off many guys.
* The irony is that the most successful women (and men) don’t feel the need to run around and announce to the world about how successful they are. They are secure at who they are, and they don’t have to prove to the world anything, because their actions and their position speaks for itself. I have had the pleasure and privilege of knowing, and dating a few women like that who had no problem whatsoever making major corporate decision during the day, putting on an apron and surprising me with a delicious dish in the evening without me ever asking for it, and asking me to decide where to go out and what to do because they thought it was the “man’s” job. I asked them why they act so traditional despite their jobs, educations, etc… and all would say the same thing: “it’s how we were brought up in the family.”
Thanks for your attention.
Oh please right back and please do yourself a favor and don't over generalize. This is just one example, but take Oprah for instance. Yes she is wealthy. In fact one of the wealthiest people in the world and the last thing she is an unpleasant narcissistic snob. Sure some unpleasant people make it on top, but for the most part it's hard to get to the top if no one likes you. There's good people in all income brackets. It's not money that makes a person good or bad. Money is quite irrelevant with regards to character.
Oh please.
Being strong, intelligent, or wealthy isn’t what intimidates men, or women, for that matter.
The simple fact of the matter is that most people who are wealthy tend to be workaholics, snobs, aggressive, narcissistic and generally unpleasant to be around. One doesn’t become successful in the business world by being a kind, empathetic, funny person.
A man doesn’t want to date a woman whose life is consumed by her work, who isn’t particularly good at anything other than her job, who believes she is better because she earns a higher income.
If you’re chronically single, have a look in the mirror. The problem isn’t that there are “no good men.” The problem is staring right back at you.
Hi greatgirl, I agree with you. I’m single and honestly just realized I don’t want a relationship. I am good looking if I may say so, I am feminine but this has been a natural welcome progression as I ‘grow’ (I used to be a tomboy as a teenager/young college student). I get a lot of male attention but quite frankly the men I’ve are boring and not able to provide a challenging, interesting match. I’m an engineer and now doing an Msc in Eng with Business. And studying for my LSAT to go to law school, who knows I might meet someone there feisty and fun enough for me hehe. Right now I’ve got a hot German boy nuts over me, (he has a girlfriend and might leave her), however I am certainly not encouraging him at all because I will probably bore of him, which is a pity because he is so hot, but why can’t he make his life interesting? Seems he, like so many men, only enjoy watching sport, as opposed to doing anything themselves they prefer to watch it :).
Well I don’t like cooking and don’t want kids, and to be honest I don’t particularly want a relationship either, because I find all that sort of stuff stifling and frankly boring, it’s not for me. I am perfectly happy being myself, being “in your face” and saying and doing exactly what I want, when I want – I’m glad I don’t have to deal with the monumental moods, personality quirks and attitude of entitlement from one’s partner that seems to be part and parcel of a “relationship”.
I feel this article attempts to prey on a lot of women’s confidence by assuming that they all measure their self-worth in terms of “relationships”! It doesn’t prey on mine, because I’m out of that “sphere”, but I can imagine that a lot of women might think otherwise. I think it’s very silly.
This article is plain wrong. YOU as the author like women who are submissive and feminine. There are plenty of progressive, secure men who are totally comfortable with a woman who is as confident and aggressive as he is. You are missing out on the pleasure of being with a strong woman – i pity you.
Hello, Nora. Thanks for your feedback. I am actually very fond of strong and confident women. I only take issue with some of the ways that some of the women show their strength. Real strength and confidence don’t have to be loud, rough, and aggressive. In fact, real confidence, as many of us know, doesn’t have to have that “in your face” flavor – it doesn’t have to be announced. Real strength doesn’t mean completely abandoning the traditional notion of femininity either, but rather embracing it and letting it compliment other aspects of being a woman.
@ Nora, thanks but not need to pity me because like many others I know the difference between a truly strong/confident woman and an in-you-face ultra-feminist, insecure show-off. I am all for the former, as they don’t feel the need to rub their strength in others’ face or stand and scream from the podium. The latter are to stay away from.
Um, just curious, what basis are you using to draw your inferences about what "men" want? Can you cite some studies? For example, what evidence base supports your suggestion that "A strong, confident man is drawn to the most feminine qualities and their manifestations" or that "a typical 'in-your-face' attitude that many professional women often acquire is repelling to most men, and so is complete abandonment of traditional values." How would you even measure any of this stuff? Just to get "in your face," as u say. You sound like you are talking about what you like. So maybe you like submissive women to cook for you, just like White people used to like submissive Black people to cook for them. For free. :] It's ok to let women be equals. It really is.
I couldn't agree more. Equality is wonderful but equivalence – not so much. I can't respond to the rest of your comment as it seems that you assume way too much based on what's written. I never suggested that women should stay home and cook.
I would hope that there is plenty of space for middle ground between being "in your face" and being a concubine….