Only Go Down On Your Partner Because You Want To

You should not be doing anything sexual with your partner unless you really want to. This is not about consent. This is about the essence of physical intimacy, and this especially applies to oral sex, which shouldn’t happen out of any type of sense of obligation. 

“I went down on you, so it’s only fair that you go down on me” – this is a common but not a healthy dynamic in bed. Oral sex shouldn’t be some kind of bargain. You should only be going down on your partner because you yourself enjoy it, and not out of some kind of obligation or as a “deposit” for getting the same in return. Besides, what fun is it for any guy or a girl to know that their partner doesn’t like being down there.  I have heard some guys complain about going down on women, but then not getting a bj and feeling cheated as a result.  But, if those guys really enjoyed going down on a woman (and so many guys do), then they wouldn’t feel cheated  because they would haven’t gotten something they really want regardless, and not getting a bj would simply be a separate issue. 

There is this one joke I never understood – “Why do women fake orgasms?  – Because they think men care.”

This makes no sense to me, because men do actually care. A significant part of the sexual satisfaction is knowing that your sexual presence brings a lot of joy to your partner. And the more you care about your him/her, the more important their experience will be to you. On the other hand, if you just hire someone for sex, then of course you wouldn’t care about pleasing them, because that’s not part of the deal that you expect.