Keep These Two Words Out of Your Online Dating Profile

(Last Updated On: 09/30/2013)

Redundancy makes any writing less compelling and less captivating to a reader, be it fiction, non-fiction or an online dating profile. Having worked with a large number of women on improving their dating profiles, I have been noticing a common pattern among them to use the same two words that do not really add anything to their profile but actually take away from it and “dilute” it in a way:

1. I am “attractive.” You post your photos on your dating profile. There is no reason to say whether you are attractive or not. This is in the eye of the beholder and each guy who reads your profile will make up their own mind whether they find you attractive.

2. I am “intelligent.” Like with being attractive, intelligence is proven through actions not by describing yourself as such. Stating in your profile that you are intelligent is more likely to make you come across as conceited and full of yourself rather than show your intelligence. If you want to let your intellect shine, say something intelligent or funny or sarcastic in your profile – share a view on an issue, an opinion, or challenge something that’s commonly accepted. This will be much more impressive than describing yourself as intelligent, smart, inquisitive, deep, etc.

And make sure to read more useful tips on how to improve your online dating profile.

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7 Comments

  1. Women: do not use the word “love” in your user name: e.g. want2blovedu.

    Do not mention love during first e-mails. Do not ask the gentleman if he believes in true love. This makes you seem like a freak.

    Put some effort into answering the gentleman’s e-mail. Actually answer his questions. Do not send haiku-like e-mails in response to a long note full of questions.

    Don’t pose for pictures in a low neckline showing your bountiful bosom. That’s just tacky.

    If the gentleman asks polite questions about your children, such as their ages, do not refuse to answer because you think he might be a child molester. Such questions are a part of polite conversation.

    If you are from a non-US country and speak broken English, please be upfront about this. Do not put a profile written in fluent English and then pounce on unsuspecting gentlemen for instant messaging, proceeding to ask them if they believe in love. That is just weird.

    If you put in your requirements for your date a very high salary, such as $150,000+, you will probably get no responses.

    You do not like “long walks on the beach.” If you do, I don’t need to know it.

    Actually name some books other than Bridget Jones Diary that you’ve read. What, you’ve never heard of Jonathan Franzen? Never read a book on politics or history? Fine, but you won’t be approached by intelligent men.

    Don’t include nasty or hostile comments to potential dates. You’re on here looking for dates. You’ve paid money. Why wreck it by saying: “Liars need not apply.”

    If you’re Christian and your “About Me” section begins with “My faith is my life….” do not send winks to non-Christan men. Some of us are living in the post-Enlightenment era.

  2. I just want to say that as a freelancer, I've researched quite a bit of profiles for my writing. Newsflash: men happen to play the "intelligent" and "attractive" cards just as often- many without express desire to prove it either through action or reality. Same side of the same damn coin.

    But in regards to this article: number one way to turn off women is blatant sexism.

  3. I can never understand why any person would dare write such bold statements beginning with "I am", followed by a series of adjectives like the ones previously mentioned in similar articles (and the ones above), and "I like", followed by numerous activities. Seriously, you might as well just write a full page autobiography (God knows how much people are willing to disclose on a simple online dating profile… SHEESH). Maybe it's because we see a majority of them that start off with those descriptions and the next person to create a profile will do the exact same thing… with the letters written backwards and lots of useless punctuation. *cough*

    This must be the reason why I've never created a profile myself in an online dating site. It would be like looking through a bag of M&M's whenever I browse through profiles that are clear-cut and dry: blue, green, bluish-green, purple, etc. Rarely would you see one profile that does not brag about oneself and make a list of things that one does. Then again, I don't like to say too much, let alone to complete strangers online. I've learned from experience that it does not do me nor anyone much good.

  4. I don't think there should be a profile section, it’s completely unnecessary. Most men are dating online looking for quick, cheap sex.

    If they're not married, they're to cheap, lazy, flakey or narcissistic to go out and meet women in the flesh. I've been on more on more sites then I care to count including the "relationship" ones and they are all the same. Men hitting on any woman within a 50-mile radius to see what's out there. Many more, when pressed admitted that they were married or separated. The rest admitted rather quickly, that they would never consider having a relationship with a woman online, only in "the real world" and were only looking for sex. The others thought they deserved 25-year-old super models because even though there 60 pounds overweight and middle-aged, but they still pass for 30. That leaves the remainder, that think that any woman that doesn't offer to split the coffee bill with them is a gold digger. Now I can add wordsmith nit-pickers to this list, for those of us who didn't hire a publicist and PR agency to write our profile and photograph us.

    Here’s a little translation for all the men that are having difficulty understanding words in profiles:

    1. Independent – Translation – Not looking for you to finically support us. Guess the male translation is neo-feminist.

    2. Low-maintenance – Translation – Not a super model. Would definetly be easier on your wallet. Cheapskates flock here!

    3. No baggage – Translation – Didn’t screw my life up enough to ruin someone else’s. Also usually means no kids.

    4. Intelligent – Translation – Knows how to read and has interest other then girlie things.

    5. Friends first – Translation – Looking for someone that’s interested in more then getting in our pants within the first 5 minutes. Yes this one is bitch, especially to those gentleman wanting a quickie.

    Thank God bars and clubs are in existence!!!

  5. An incomplete list of other words to avoid include:

    eclectic, low-maintenance, no baggage, no drama, no game-players and friends first. With the exception of the last one, they're all imprecise, space fillers that have emotionally (often negatively) charged images in the minds of most men.

    In the case of "friends first," almost without exception it conjures up the notion of an interminable courtship that may or may not move on to something more personal. Most guys know that once you're in the "friends" bucket, you're never getting out.

    Do yourself a favor, ladies. Don't go there…!

  6. That is so true. Some women will say what attributes they have, but they should just let the profile explaine everything. The content is very critical because of the nature of online dating. Its easy, but how you di will make it easy. You dont want to be on a tredmill going nowhere fast, you want to be have a science when online dating because it can turn bad for you. When looking for a date on line, make sure you dont stress the titles in your profile. Let them be the judge!

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