Until recently I believed that generally, if someone is accused of rape, then they probably did it with very few exceptions that you would usually only hear about on TV. However, as I heard more and more stories – not only through the media, but through my friends and even through work, about how innocent men become victims of false rape accusations I had to recognize modern reality – false rape accusations are way more common than I ever thought or was willing to believe. The reality is that false rape accusations all too often ruin men’s career and personal life, even if they are eventually cleared of any such accusations.
After looking at a dozen or so cases of false rape accusations, I came to the same conclusions over and over of what men could have and should have done to minimize the risk of being falsely accused of rape, which I would like to share below. First, however, we must keep in mind that the fundamental reason behind all false rape accusations is a very natural human desire for retribution or revenge. Revenge is a very powerful emotion which is as old as humanity itself, as portrayed in countless old stories, plays and operas. Accusing a man of rape that he didn’t commit is a woman’s way to strike back at the guy who upset her enough to make her act on this extreme impulse. Generally, this is caused by three possible reasons: regret, disappointment, and disrespect. If you take a few simple steps to reduce the chance of causing a woman to experience the extreme version of these emotions, she will have no reason to take revenge on you in any form, and she will be extremely unlikely to accuse you of rape.
A woman who has sex with guy not because she wanted to but because she was under influence of alcohol or drugs, is going to feel really guilty about sleeping with the guy she actually didn’t want to. And the more that woman cares about her reputation and the more conservative she is when she is sober, the more upset she will be about doing something she didn’t think she normally would. An easy way to justify this behavior is to simply blame the guy for imposing himself on her. This is easy to avoid – don’t sleep with women who you don’t know well, when they are intoxicated, or under influence of any drug.
A woman who really likes you and who expects a lot, is going to be very angry when you don’t deliver after you sleep with her. The key to avoiding this is not to make big promises too early on in your interaction with her. You don’t have to talk on your first few dates about how you are falling in love with her and how special she is to you. You don’t have to make plans to go away on vacation together next year before you spent enough time together to know that you get along well and you enjoy each other’s company enough to go on a trip together. If you don’t create very high expectations prematurely, and then you lose interest in her after you have sex, then she won’t be quite as upset, because you didn’t create all this false hope of exciting romantic relationship in her.
Don’t ghost on women you slept with. While some women don’t take ghosting personally and they themselves ghost on guys all the time, others take it as a major sign of disrespect. By doing something as simple as texting and saying “I am sorry, I don’t think we are a match”, or “I thought about it and I don’t think I am ready to date yet” or anything along these lines that shows that you didn’t just disappear will provide the woman you had sex with the most basic courtesy, and will help her not feel like she was just pumped and dumped.