Last week I met my friend for dinner – an attractive, successful 25 year-old woman with great personality, sense of humor and someone who has had her fair share of good and bad dating experiences with guys. She started telling me about her experience meeting guys online and she showed me her profile on one of the major matchmaking sites. I couldn’t resist the temptation to ask her to allow me to read some of the messages that she has been receiving from men. I carefully read over 30 e-mails that she has received over the past few weeks. She replied to none of them, and it did not surprise me. All the e-mail shared one fatal flaw – they were all generic. They all looked like “cut-and-paste” and it was obvious that none of the writers actually took a few minutes to read her profile and write at least somewhat thoughtful e-mail that would be responsive to her profile. Here is a typical example of that generic e-mail that she and the vast majority of other women receive from guys: “Hey, you sound like an interesting girl. I would like to get to know you better. I think we have a lot in common. Lets talk sometime…” It is obvious to anyone that this kind of e-mail is not addressed to anyone specifically and can (and probably is) sent to every woman that same guy decided to contact.
Even worse are the one-liners that get deleted by women immediately: “Hey, cutie… what are you doing?” This never works in real life situations, so why would it ever work online?
What could those guys have done differently to attract her attention and compel her to respond? First, they should make it clear that they are writing to her and not just a woman. I do not remember much from my friend’s profile, but I remember that she said that she wants to meet a guy who is confident, charming, and funny, and that she likes techno, and she also is eager to move to the city from the suburbs. Keeping this in mind, one great way to start an e-mail to her and show to her immediately that you read her page is by saying something like: “I am not sure if I am that charming, confident and funny guy that you are looking for, but I would like to believe that I am a work in progress. Like you… I am a big fan of techno music. Let me guess, the reason you like it is because it gives you the natural “high” without any need for any of those shady substances…”
Then, it would be a good idea to make it clear at the end of the e-mail that you expect her to write back…. This means that you have to write more than just “I hope we talk sometime” or “I would like to get to know you better.” These kinds of week endings are not provoking enough to get a female reader to want to write back and find out more about that person on the other side of the cyber. Instead, ask a question or a number of questions that would make it clear that you want to talk to her and develop a conversation: “So, why are you so eager to move to the city, when so many people are working toward leaving the fabulous and the expensive for the sake of space and peace?”
