Women often say that girls don’t dress up for guys; they dress up for other girls. I recently heard a friend, who got recently married, say that girls don’t even marry for themselves, or at least not just for themselves; they also marry for their friends and family, because that’s what they expect from her. Although saying that a woman decides to enter into a marriage just to please others sounds extreme, at least in other Western culture, I can’t help but wonder how big of a pressure it is on a woman, who has been dating a guy for a while, to deal with her friends and relatives, who keep asking her the same “status” questions: “So, what’s going on with you, guys?” Although there is nothing inherently wrong with this question, and it’s only natural that others will want to know where that relationship is going, it puts that woman on the spot and makes her feel uncomfortable if she is unable to give a specific answer. She would feel that if she doesn’t tell them in the nearest future that they are about to take their relationship to the next level, she is either going to get a sense of disapproval or even worse – pity from her social circle.
If you are in that position of feeling like you are forced to answer specific questions about your relationship, you have to make sure that you keep the importance of public approval of your dating life or a specific relationship you are in right now in perspective. Although what your friends, parents, siblings and co-workers think of your love life in general and of your current partners specifically is important, you should not let their opinion dictate your actions and choices. Just because your parents or close friends wish to see you on a certain life path at a certain time with a certain person they like, it doesn’t mean that you should follow that path, and it surely doesn’t mean that it will make you happy. They are not you. What they want is different from what you want, given your unique situation, your character, personality and your sexuality, among other things.
Your main goal in your dating choices and decisions should be not to be pleasing the people around you at the expense of what you want and what pleases you, but pleasing yourself first. This might sound selfish and self-absorbed, but when it comes to your dating life and your relationships, your choices should be guided by your interests first and foremost. You need to be completely honest with yourself when you are thinking of what and who you are attracted to and what turns you off. This doesn’t mean, of course, that you should disregard others’ advice, especially if they point out certain red flags in whoever you are dating. But, the outside approval of your partner should be secondary to how you feel and what you want.
The same applies to men. A guy may find a particular average-looking girl to be very attractive and very desirable for reasons that might or might not be clear even to him, let alone to others, but he would be embarrassed to show her off to his friends or family because he might think that they won’t find her attractive enough, suggesting in so many ways that he could do better. However, this would be a concern of a man who lacks true personal independence, and that kind of frame of mind must be eradicated. As one of my friends said once, “she needs to be hot only to you; if she is, that’s all that matters, regardless of whether others find her attractive or not.”
